I rarely want to go out where there are people other than for exercise, groceries or to walk the dog.
I wanted to see Venom – Let There Be Carnage, but had the dilemma of not wanting to go. I clearly remember thinking that I’d rather stream it at home and considered bailing, but it wasn’t an option for me to view. I had another errand to do (Auto Zone, an approved Introverted place to shop) so I forced myself.
When I got to the theater, I saw that there was only one other car in the parking lot. It was a good sign. I picked the earliest showing in the day to avoid people. I was going to a geek movie so I expected the worst and that they would be at my theater of course, one of 8 at the complex.
To my delight, I was in a room that held 100 people and for the entirety of my stay, I was alone, damn near perfect.
I of course brought Clorox wipes to disinfect everything and actually enjoyed being there. One other person would have ruined it for me.
I originally saw Venom on TV because I had some time to kill and wound up loving the story. I really wanted to see the sequel and the cards lined up for me today.
I got to see Captain Kirk finally get to space and got to experience being the only one in a huge theater to see one of the few movies I’d actually pay for. It is a good movie to see. I wouldn’t bring a date though. It’s definitely not a Rom-Com.
I know it sounds weird to most, but if you are introverted this will resonate and you’ll wish you were me.
C’est la Gare.
Yes, I’ve used it. It’s gotten me out of a lot of things I didn’t have to make up an excuse to not go, or to just disappoint others by saying no.
Cheap, but effective.
To get a full understanding of how bad it is, the WSJ ran a series on the Facebook files recently. Link here but it might require a subscription. It points out the obvious, but also that it’s such a screwed up company now that it can’t get out of it’s own way.
It talked about how it ruins the lives of people, especially teen aged girls. Zuckerberg then said how it enhances peoples lives in a washing machine spin of doublespeak.
They block who they don’t like and let who they do like post anything, even against their own policies.
And this about Zuck:
Fortunately, I don’t care as I cancelled them. It along with Twitter are helping to ruin the country and people’s lives around the world. It has taken a political position on things. I don’t care which side it picks, but it should have been a neutral platform.
Instead, it is now a high school place where you are a part of the in crowd or not. Those with a triple digit IQ should move to a better and more productive place, like going outside and enjoying life.
It was too childish for me and I didn’t want to open it anymore to see the spew that comes from it.
I still talk to those who really are my friends. Most of them were never on Facebook.
For Introverts, not being on it also lets you escape from a lot of noise that sucks your personal energy and time.
I start planning my escape the minute I hear that I can’t get out of an event. I just want to minimize the pain of small talk and social crap. This even if I like the people.
It has nothing to do with Covid. My social energy battery starts draining as soon as I hear I have to go.
I can spend endless time however one on one with someone that I can have a deep conversation with, or a dog.
“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
I swear this is true. I’ve found that everyone has a story. Some people call it skeletons, but when you hear about their lives, it weaves together who they really are. Pretty soon, you have to decide if they are worth it.
There are generally patterns to people and they repeat them, almost predictably. The more you find out, the less you want to do with them, except certain activities you can stand to do together.
There are some that overlook a lot of stuff because they wish to be with someone. That’s why people flock to celebtards for example.
I had to deal with a lot of famous people in my life. After spending only a little time with them, I couldn’t wait to get away.
Fortunately, there are a few people who truly who have a list of qualities that are better than their bad ones. I hope you can find a few.
The rest are people who are people. They show themselves to be who they are. You just learn about it over time. You have to decide if you will be putting up with or they need to be eliminated from your life to avoid being poisoned.
Then there is Mauerbauertraurigheit, or pulling away from groups that just need cleansing from your life.
Finally, examine yourself. You probably are that person to others. I guess try not to be, but don’t fake it, be yourself. If you don’t belong, don’t. If one of you is not normal and it’s not the other person, it’s you.
I’m old enough to be past it yet even yesterday it happened. Some douchebag had 4 containers of strawberries open and was picking out the best ones. He was touching all the food and stealing from the store.
I could have asked politely to stop it. Instead, I gave him shit for about 5 minutes, not once but twice and threatened to call the store manager on him. While others were thanking me, including the employees stocking the shelves, I still wish I could have done it calmer.
Had we not been in public, I would have decked him and had to hold myself back from doing so. I should be more mature, but no. My social skills that I’ve practiced for decades deserted me and I lost it in public. I’m usually emotionless, preferring to avoid people as much as possible and yet I go off on someone in the middle of the grocery store.
I still feel I was in the right to stop it, but surely could have acted more like an adult than a schoolyard adolescent.
There are a lot of jokes about extroverts adopting introverts and so forth, but the answer on really how to get to know one is less obvious to the world. It is clear as a bright sunshine day to introverts.
I know I have little patience for small talk. I don’t want to hear about surface level nonsense that is mostly irrelevant. It becomes a Facebook discussion on saying anything you can to get the most likes in the conversation.
That is a social rule that was written by extroverts because they are louder and dominate the discussions. When the yapping starts, I watch the introverts shutting down. It is mentally draining. It takes me days to recover from having to listen to this.
I’d rather just not talk and I don’t go to a lot of things just to not to have to hear it. I like the people, but the energy draining isn’t worth it.
On the other hand, if you want to talk about something meaningful, watch me open up. We don’t have to talk about derivative equations, but cut the shit and meaningless banter. I have a great depth of knowledge on many subjects and enjoy the conversation that is intellectually stimulating.
Fortunately, I am not bound by whether someone likes me for what I say or comply to. There are a lot of times I’m grateful that someone thinks I may be anti-social because I don’t want to listen to gossip. It’s usually a hate fest anyway.
I had an oncologist tell me that girls will tell other girls how good they look when it is awful, just so they will wear it and look bad. How effed up is that? They hate each other and I don’t want to hear about it.
So get to know me. That is two fold. Don’t gossip or try to keep the conversation going for the sake of talking. The other is try to go below the surface and show that you have thoughts about something sincere, really anything. Try pets for example. How tough is that?
I’ll do my part and even put up with the introductory small talk to get to know you, but if it doesn’t go past that very soon and you start repeating the same thing, or if it’s just trashing someone else, I’m out.
I develop Mauerbauertraurigheit (definition and discussion here) quickly and am gone.
I’m busy researching something else to write about the Covid Jab ingredients and why they created the formula a certain way, so I’m somewhat apathetic about being clever today. Enjoy this one for now.
I will say this is how I feel about small talk though. Introverts will get that.
I have to talk to someone from my past soon. I hope to clear the BS out of the way and have an actual conversation, but it will depend on them. Otherwise, I’m shutting it down and giving them best wishes, also known as I’ll let you go now.
I get to make a long drive today. This is what it’s going to look like in feeling except I’m alone. I first thought that this guy was by himself, but I’ll pretend it’s his dog, who would probably be a helluva lot more quiet.
FWIW, I’m looking to get another truck after I’m through with my current car. I’ve enjoyed them every time I’ve owned one. You get to sit up high and see everything. You are also further away from others that way.
The partner next to me today will be no one. My company is an audible book. The title is Algorithm’s to live by, by Brian Christian. It is mind blowingly complex thinking, but really helps you in life and will turn your mind internally by a mile.
I do get to see the rest of my family and dog when I get there and look forward to it. I love them, but being alone lets me re-charge my social energy.
I retired and enjoyed the heck out of it. If you want to know what I did, go to about and about me.
I started planning for it when I was in my 30’s and knew it would be a long game to have enough. I listened to Larry Burkett of Crown Financial Services, a biblical based ministry that taught me to save and to live debt free. I posted about it a while back on how an average Joe can become a millionaire.
Was it hard?
You bet it was. There were a lot of sacrifices and a lot of learning about investing, managing money and faith in God. It turns out that we were blessed with an abundance of riches, only a small amount of which are financial.
We were alone.
Fortunately, my wife was on the same page. Heck, my Mom even taught me how to save as she lived through the depression. She could make anything last longer than possible. That woman sacrificed for us and I noticed. My siblings however never learned. Mom told me she taught each of us the same lessons, but said no one else listened to her.
I caught a lot of crap from my friends.
Working in the airline industry is very common for my family and friends. We have many pilots and flight attendants in that group.
One of them, with whom I went to school with since 7th grade, gave me a ton of grief when I was in my late 20’s. He was serving cokes for a living (flight attendant) and wasted 15 years of his life doing it. He was broke when he quit.
I spoke to him one Saturday when I was at work. He told me that he only worked 2 weeks a month and was off to Hawaii, rubbing it in my face that I had to work. When I hung up, I knew right then that I was making a short term sacrifice for long term gain. I would be retiring early while being financially safe and knew I would have to work hard. I said to myself that I would make it my goal and I’d be playing golf while he was working. He still is working today, and when he got to the real world I’d had 15 years of experience. I had owned my own business shortly after that conversation. FWIW, I played golf this week.
Did I get even with him?
I chose not to rub it in because the facts show our different outcomes. I’m glad I have mine.
Being an introvert, I don’t want to get into it anyway and he doesn’t want to talk much anymore. I don’t care what happens to others as I can’t control anything other than my destiny. I’m sorry he didn’t listen to me. He told me he resented that job for 13 of the 15 years he did it and hates his current job.
A theme and a pattern.
It wasn’t only my siblings and friends. When I sold my business and went to work for IBM, they were the same. When it came time for me to say goodbye, my house was paid off and we had saved. Almost no one could believe that I was pulling the plug that early. They thought it was some scandal that I had to quit and were very disappointed that the reason I retired was because I could. Most of them were keeping up with the Jones and didn’t save. I looked some of them up and they are still stuck working at the same job when I left.
At the end, IBM was a terrible place to work (see managing executive ego’s, the good, the bad and the ugly). I actually pulled the trigger a year early to get out of that hell hole. To a person, everyone said they wished that they could do what I did, get out. They were too far in debt to do so.
I turned down moving to New York to “climb the ladder” because living there sucks and I didn’t want to raise a family there. People told me when they moved to New York, they got to pay 30% more for everything, for less than I made. Again, I knew that I was making the right decision for my family not to go there to “get ahead” (behind would have been the actual case if I’d gone there).
Dad worked until he was 70. Work defined his life. He was lost when he retired.
Working was only a means to an end for me. To be fair, I was fortunate enough to be highly successful and God decided that I should be compensated for it. That helped make it happen, but if you go back to my siblings, they earned more than me at times. They still work though as most of it was wasted on useless stuff.
Dad couldn’t understand my goals, but I had so much going on that work was interfering with my life, so I stopped. I never regretted it.
A lot of the IBM’rs died shortly after retiring because they had to work a long time. I saw that and knew I wanted to enjoy my life. Now, every day is Saturday for me.
I have enjoyed each day these last 10 years. Heck, I’m the president of the how to enjoy your retirement club. Never once did I think about going back because I didn’t have to.
If there is any lesson, it is in the post of how to become a millionaire.
Short term sacrifice for long term paradise.
I built a million of these things. It was cars, planes, engines and more cars. I got model glue on everything.
Actually, I’m surprised that my brain isn’t mush from all the glue. This was before people were sniffing it to get high.
Most of the fun is in the building, then you just look at them until you built another.
I learned more about how to build an engine and how things work than today’s mush heads, who are killing monsters or shooting anything that moves.
I now see that I was alone for hours when building these guys. It is a trait that I recognize for life and embrace.
First of all, I forget everyone’s name it seems, even though I have this handy device.
Next, my names aren’t as nice as the first two. Most of mine fall into the last category, although I treat men and women equally when doing this in my head. Basically, I go the interaction that made the most lasting impression and call them a profane form of the of said impression, then progress from there if they need it.
I mostly forget the people as I don’t want to remember any that come my way if possible. The ones I can’t avoid get some name other than the one they were born with. I’ll remember the nickname if I see them though.
When all else fails, I easily lump them in one category that covers a lot of space, dickhead.
One day I’ll get busted for talking to myself out loud and someone’s going to ask who is the ………..that I’m talking about?
By far, my most popular posts are What’s it like to have a high IQ and this one, Euphemisms for Stupid. For a decade, this post was #1 worldwide in Google on how to call someone stupid.
More people have re-used content on this post around the world than some marketing campaigns by Facebook, and that is where a lot of it wound up it seemed (and I still have a happy life after I fired them).
To honor that post, I updated it today (there are almost a hundred creative ways to say someone fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down or that they couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel) with this one:
Enjoy, and if you want to find out a way to say someone is stupid that you’ve never heard of, go get you some at the link above.
This is stuff I laugh at because I know it applies to everyone, not just introverts. I just internalize more than most so I go through this when asked.
FWIW, I ask this about most other people at some point also.
This example is a bit much in introspection, but the point is that examining yourself and your life gives you a window to learn who you are and why you do what you do.
Most people don’t take the time to look at past events to see why you act now like you do. Occasionally, one remembers something familiar, but that is when you have the time to think or daydream, like when it happens to you when you remember a familiar song. This is just knowledge that you have.
WHY WE DON’T STOP TO THINK ABOUT ME
I’m not talking about the online and public me (and I mean you here). Everyone takes care of that and primps or struts accordingly, especially on social media.
Life is more chaotic than social media and can hit you in the face. You are on instinct then unless you have prepared for whatever. Some are just instinctual about it. Others could be on the discovery of a lifetime if they learned why they act that way.
I know you can’t be ready for everything, but everyone knows their strengths and weaknesses. Some refuse to admit them though. Those that can will master their greatest opponent, yourself.
That’s where self-awareness comes in. I look at patterns so if the same type of event or response to something happens, I put the information together and can deal with the problem better. Not your run of the mill stuff, but how am I messing up relationships or how did a situation go from great to hell with one misstep on my part.
Instead of asking have I faced this before, what lesson did I learn, I want to know why is this happening again to me because of something I did, said or forgot to do? How was I successful in dealing with it or avoiding it? What lesson was learned past don’t burn your hand on the stove. It’s never the obvious answer.
Most can do this type of recall with a single occurrence of a prior or recent event that happened, but I go back to my youth and multiple iterations of a pattern that becomes obvious. The things that happen to me now when it goes bad probably happened to me in my earliest formidable years, but I forgot the lesson. I’m at a point in my life that I’m remembering that stuff now and it has affected how I look at life now.
I discovered my personality was the same although I, like everyone else can be an actor and can put on a different front. Usually it was a job interview or a first date, something we all go through.
Now, it’s take it or leave it with what you get from me. I don’t pretend and I also stop short of telling (most) people off and walk away. No one can fire me and I fired Twitter and Fake book.
HOW I DID IT
I write everything down to read later. Here is a link to a good article that talks about journaling. If it isn’t convenient to write, I email myself or text. I’ll complete the thought later and perhaps it ends up here.
My private thoughts go somewhere else. When I look back at my younger self now, I see the same person, only one who is trying to figure out why it is happening. Now, when the SHTF, I’m ready as I’ve read where I mis-stepped before and usually think it through before I get into trouble.
As long as I’m being self-aware, I can usually remember to shut the F**k up in time to not make the same mistake twice. I also learned to build, fix and mend things around the house, but that is easy compared to people.
One day, maybe I’ll look back and remember something that will help me in the future.
I want to look back fondly that I at least improved or grew in how I acted or re-acted. Occasionally I do. Mostly, I’m still learning not to be a screw up.
Look back when something is familiar and think of times as a kid when this lesson was first taught. Either that or look back on forgotten memorable times to enjoy.
That is closer to wisdom
Be careful. This doesn’t mean completely blowing off others, just not running your life by what others think.
I look to times when I can go alone somewhere, especially when I worked and had to travel with others. I’d already spent the work day with them, please let me recover alone and not have to go out. We wouldn’t have at home so why now?
I saw others in that jail as early as middle school and I knew I didn’t want to be there. I only let things in that I need to hear.
I’m going out of my way to avoid gossip also. It’s as bad as Facebook and Twitter. My life is better without them also.
All I’m going to admit is that I’m one of them. It’s possible that I have multiple personalities it appears.
“You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.” – Sacha Guitry
I can’t tell you how many arguments I’ve won in the shower, 3 hours after they took place. Sometimes, 3 days after the event took place, I think of the wittiest comeback possible, but the world moved on 2 days, 23 hours and 59 minutes ago.
I can however be the most serious person you will know and mean it. I also don’t have to pretend to be loyal, considerate and other traits that may be inborn or taught by my parents. That comes as naturally as breathing. If I’m not, the other person did something to cause me to treat them like they treat me.
Some however, like a relative I have that has both wit and a sharp tongue at their disposal. It is frustrating for people like me. I know I have something correct and salient and even when history proves it, the moment is over and I’m left frustrated by (lack of) words.
The only time I have a comeback is when I’ve already prepared for the onslaught. If it is spontaneous, then so is my conversation skills bonfire of destruction.
I’ve written out responses just to be able to be ready. It occasionally works, but only if the stars align.
Some wonder why Introverts are quiet. Besides the fact that we are mostly listening, we don’t want to die in a verbal dual where we stand no chance to those who start talking fast and first.
I’m learning to say stop before they get a roll going and I get flattened.
I bet I forget names as quickly as you do. There are memory aids like associating a name with an object or another person to help you, but who remembers that when you are just trying to hear their name the first time?
I gave up trying to dance around the subject and just say I’m getting old or my hearing is going (both likely to be true) and ask them to tell me again. More often than not, they forgot my name also.
Most likely, I just move along and not really care. I find that being nice and waiting to see if they will really enter your life or is it just being cordial determines if I’m going to remember their name.
Either way, it’s a conversation starter, not something for Introverts so it won’t be me unless I just want to ignore everyone.
Here’s the definition.
Mauerbauertraurigkeit (n.) – the inexplicable urge to push people away.
This doozy of a word may add an extra dimension to our socially exhausted state. Mauerbauertraurigkeit means:
“The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like — as if all your social taste buds suddenly went numb, leaving you unable to distinguish cheap politeness from the taste of genuine affection, unable to recognize its rich and ambiguous flavors, its long and delicate maturation, or the simple fact that each tasting is double-blind.”
I’m not sure if this is a true psychological condition that is being taught or is proven like the Theory of General Relativity, but I know it is true.
Recently, it happened to me and I pulled out of some things I was doing. Partly it was Covid and partly it was Mauerbauertraurigkeit. There were different reasons, but remember I’m a patterns in life guy. I notice when it happens.
It’s happened to me all my life. I can’t stay with a group for much more than a couple of years. It depends on how obsessed I am with what I’m doing as to how much I’ll put up with before I have to go. I was socially and emotionally exhausted and my will just forced me away. It was if I was watching what was happening and couldn’t (and didn’t want to) stop it.
As it turns out, all the groups I left were for a good reason and were the right decisions in aftermath, but at the time I was socially overwhelmed. The realization that I was free from the social obligations that kill me inside, little by little was blissfully comforting.
Normally, Covid would have been a problem as I wouldn’t have to go to groups I didn’t want to. Unfortunately, they invented Zoom and those of us who actually need body language to read people can’t.
Fortunately, I live a whole different life in my head as do most Introverts so I go there many times during Zoom. If I’m on mute, I probably muted not thinking about what was on the call.
I will say this, most extroverts are not polite about this and want to include you on all of their tedious activities, and want to know why you don’t want to do everything with everybody. They literally force me away because they want to be all up into my stuff. I suffered at work from this until I found ways to get out of social activities.
The answer and I guess the moral is when I’ve had enough, either for the day or for life, I have to get away and I can’t help it. I leave and never come back usually.
I can’t be alone on this. A lot of people are overwhelmed socially.
I imagine some people think they were ghosted, when in fact the person couldn’t help themself from pulling away.
And Now for Guys, I present the Nothing Box. Girls, you should pay attention if you really want to understand men, even though you’ll never really get it.
Also Guys, understanding why women’s minds are so busy is also explained. It’s something we’ll never get.
What is so funny to me is that every time I try to explain it to a girl, she can’t understand it or wants to get into my nothing box. They never understand that if you got into my nothing box, it would be a different box (see at 8:15 where nothing is something). Watch and see:
First of all, don’t get bent that I put China virus in the title. I’m testing big brother to see if they’ll censor me or not. Yes, I’m pushing the limits because, well because.
Back to the meme, it hasn’t changed much for me, other than having more people in the house. Being alone is where I find myself headed by nature. I have to remember to be social to the others because I can get so into my own world that the outside exists, but is no where near as fun or anything but a distraction.
Here’s a picture of the parade, if you look real carefully, you won’t see me.
Here is a good link to the 4 reasons the world needs an Introvert day. I just need the day off to recharge.
It won’t get as much coverage as other Pride parades or whatever day’s. I’ll bet people don’t know how many introverts there really are in the world. They just don’t need to tell everyone about it, like the vegans.
“The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.” – Henry S. Haskins
Actually, this is a daily double because Mark Twain quoted the title. I can’t count the times in my life that I wish I hadn’t said what came out.
This will serve you well in negotiations. At the time to close the sale, any sales person will tell you the first person to talk loses. The sale could be a business plan, a product or yourself to a company or a promotion.
This is the most obvious thing possible for introverts. As others drone on in mindless small talk, they have already begun a new adventure in their minds. Yes, they nod and perhaps might give a monosyllabic answer to the conversation but it is likely they left a while ago.
It is a matter of politeness, not what the other person is doing by talking too much and too long. Note: it is not being mean, it is how minds work. It happens unintentionally. It is why one should take this saying to heart. Read the last sentence.
Of course introverts will talk endlessly on a deep subject or something of importance, when we find someone who cares. The difference is that when others are nodding or giving one word answers, the conversation is over because we can read body language better than most.
The biggest benefit of not always talking is you never have to take back something you said.
Others won’t avoid you if you read their signals and stop talking. I’ve seen it too many times at work, at school and in social outings.
This eventually includes everyone, not just the introverts.
“Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center. Big, undreamed-of things — the people on the edge see them first.”
I love being out on the edge. I love to think deeply and talk to deep thinkers. I’ve seen trends exactly by doing this. It can serve you well to take yourself out of the center of your life and watch what is going on from the bleachers. You can see the whole game that is called life a lot clearer.
Of course Introverts have an advantage here because of observation skills.
I know some introverts. They have a lot to say and are very deep people. The problem is that the others talk over them a lot of the time. I watch the introverts just shut down at that point and a great story or deep conversation stops.
If you know someone like this, give them a chance. You might be surprised to find a loyal and interesting friend.
I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm. – Calvin Coolidge
I heard another version that went never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
I liked how Coolidge spoke after he thought. That way, he didn’t have to say that much and got right to the point. Others knew he wasn’t going to waste their time with BS so when he talked, they listened.
Still, most of you, cut the crap and the small talk. It’s a waste of time and is annoying.
“In truth, the degree of anyone’s success depends on how often they can say the word yes and hear the word no.” – unknown.
Many are afraid of what others will think if they divert from their principles and don’t give the real answer. It would save both parties a lot of time and angst if you would just be honest.
For Introverts, this is the best conversation. It cuts through the BS small talk about why you can or can’t do something and gives the appropriate answer. You’ll be respected for getting to the point quickly and will feel better about yourself for being honest.
Some, albeit a few might get their feelings hurt, but it will pass once they see you have done the right thing. Many will appreciate that you gave them a straight answer, even if it isn’t dressed up and decorated with flowers and bows before you dance around your answer.
Say it, Yes or No. Then move on to a deeper conversation.
“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.”
– John Kenneth Galbraith
We’ve now found out during Covid that in person meetings are not necessary. Actually, most of us knew that from sitting in them and wishing we were dead or anything to not be there.
I do know a few people that love meetings and live for them. I think they don’t want to work, or it’s the place they think they can actually wield power. I avoid those people so I don’t have to go to their meetings.
I’ve written before why Meetings are a waste of time, and how to avoid them.
As an introvert, I loathe meetings. My rule was that if there were anymore than 5 people nothing was going to get done.
Avoid them at all cost. They are a time suck and we’ve now proven that you can get work done without them
I found this and agree with most of it. It was written by an introvert if you couldn’t tell by the first bullet.
I used the last bullet when raising kids. It kept them (mostly) out of trouble that a lot of my friends had to go through.
A lot of it really refers to personal responsibility for your actions and outcomes. I wish more people were doing that right now instead of blaming others for their problems or as an excuse to act improperly
- Books are your best friends.
- Looks do not reflect character.
- It is not necessary to impress people.
- It is OK to be single.
- Nothing happens by chance, everything happens by choice.
- Crying does not mean you are weak.
- Apologies can be accepted, but after that trust is usually denied.
- People treat you according to their need.
- You usually treat people like they treat you.
- If we believe life is a blessing, it becomes one.
- You are responsible for your own happiness.
- Being reason behind someone’s smile is utter bliss.
- Taking responsibility of your own life is the only way to create the life you desire.
- There is no excuse for binge drinking. The consequences may be serious.
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
Good songwriters are clever with words. This song is really about how you can’t re-live the past, but it’s also about introverts.
First, if the past was so good, why did you break up? You can never go back because it won’t be the same. Just try to remember the good times. You’ll have others in the future, just different.
Next, there are many times I don’t call, text or start a conversation. It’s not because I don’t want to or don’t have something to say, I just don’t want to get stuck in a small talk situation that is meaningless. It doesn’t devalue my feelings on our relationship/friendship/acquaintanceship that we have, I just would rather talk if we really have something to say. It is the life of introverts.
People don’t realize it, but introverts tell better stories. There is way less going off the path and including unnecessary details and the timing of the punch line or the moral of the story is far more effective.
I doubt anyone thinks about me or other introverts not calling, but if the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.
I always changed the saying at the bottom of my work email. Some of them are ones that I have posted recently. This was the last one I had when I retired from IBM.
A high degree of intellect tends to make a man unsocial.
No one would wish what happened to us with the China/Wuhan/Covid-19/Kung flu/Corona virus this year. I wonder if there is any silver lining?
WE’VE LEARNED THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IN PERSON AT WORK
First, the essential workers should be commended. Those putting their life at risk for the rest of us or to keep us able to stay away but help keep the economy going do need to be there. They don’t get thanked enough and deserve more accolades than they are getting. I can’t list them all, but you know who you are as do we, especially when we go out or are in need and you are there.
There are a group of desk jockeys that can work from anywhere, including home, the coffee shop or anywhere that has WIFI. Many companies are still getting along just fine without everyone in their cubicles or open office space being babysat by next level of ladder climbers and wannabees.
Yes, some of them are goofing off, but they goof off at the office also. They self-sort themselves out of their jobs after a while anyway. The other workers know who is carrying their load and who is carrying a load of bullshit without them being there.
We have been forced into a higher level of trust to get the job done. I’ve worked for some who didn’t trust their employees if they weren’t at their desk. If you treat people like grownups they will be. If you treat them poorly or like monkeys, like managers I’ve had they will eat bananas.
Now, those who want to work at home or remotely had the chance to prove that they could get the job done and don’t have to go into an office to do the same thing.
For introverts, this is a blessing. They don’t have to be sentenced to the jail of in person meetings or having to have their day ruined by HR regimented nonsense that can be done in non-critical hours.
This is a unique time to get more work done, or to refine our work habits. See above about goofing off in the office and you have now eliminated water cooler BS sessions, meaningless meetings that can be done on email or chat and time to actually concentrate.
I know those in sales have to talk, but if they concentrate more on selling, they too will be more productive. A lot of them are too chatty anyway.
The USA works more than other countries and it appears that we like to work. You can tell by how much we’ve achieved, but also the lack of vacation we take vs. other countries. Hey, but how many countries have landed a man on the moon?
We have the opportunity to open up (re-open up) and unleash the greatest economy and workforce that has ever existed. There are people dying to get back to work that may be furloughed. I only hope the politicians haven’t put onerous rules in place that hurts the economy and the ability for small businesses to thrive.
You can now go anywhere you need to if you want. I imagine that travel will be light at first, although some with pent up demand or anxiety will leave as soon as it is allowed. The downside will be the TSA security check lines if we have to stay 6 feet apart. The line will be out of the building and into long term parking.
I read that the bookings for Cruise ships are in high demand, something I just don’t understand. Cruise ships are petri dishes for viruses and have been for a long time. Why you would want to be in basically a jail cell that travels with limited escape time to buy a T-shirt doesn’t seem desirable, but I have friends who love it. They mostly like to eat though and say it’s a cheap way to travel. At least they won’t be on planes for those of us who want to get where we are going and then actually see the country/place we are visiting.
You won’t have to worry about getting stuck in the middle seat for a while on an airplane. That is the designated social distancing seat, like it’s going to matter when you are in a tube for hours and well within the reach of a cough or a sneeze. I love this one as the airlines have made travel less enjoyable year over year. The armrest fight for position will be solved for now.
I imagine there will be a lot of deals at first. Travel costs should be down as well as tourist traps will have good prices to make up for the time we’ve spent in our quarantine jail. Get ’em while you can. There will be less tourists everywhere you go and businesses dying to offer deals to make up for the faux shut down.
One can look at the downside and think that the world is going to end and that we might die from Covid-19. The statistics say that it is mostly in a few concentrated places (NE corridor and elderly care facilities) and affects those with a co-morbidity. The odds are in our favor that we won’t get it or that it won’t be as bad as the media is trying to shove down our throats.
When this passes (hint: watch how soon it passes after the November election is over regardless of who wins) the opportunities to better your life and enjoy some things in the work/life balance that have been either ruined or complicated for us.
We have been in quarantine for a while now. Most are dying to get back to their life of being busy. I’ve observed that those who want to get out the most are the ones who are trying to escape from themselves. It is a time of introspection. If it weren’t an election year, it probably would have been lifted in a lot of places by now.
The extroverts have to talk to others. The introverts don’t mind being alone, but are bothered when they are quarantined with an extrovert that makes their life miserable thinking that they have to talk all the time. They can’t wait for it to be lifted so that they can be home alone again.
Those of us who are truly comfortable with ourselves can enjoy the solitude without distress. The needy are those who have to have others as a salve for their issues. It is a good time to learn to deal with your issues. That is when you are finally free.
L’esprit de L’escalier – things you wish you could have said after you leave an argument.
That’s me. I win all my arguments, unfortunately many of them the day after they take place. My response is usually spectacular. I just wish I’d thought of it at the time.
WordPress says this is my 600th post, but I know I lost the year 2007 when I switched from Blogger to WordPress because I avoid Google whenever possible. I likely passed it a while back, but they are gone forever now.
I post a lot about IQ, intelligence, Introverts, tech and a lot of subjects that would provide a platform to post something meaningful, deep in meaning , intelligent, well thought out and well written. As they say, the road to hell….
In that spirit, I give you a to do list that is sarcastic, funny to me and given the mood I’m in as I write this and very appropriate especially since my last name is Simonds (see number 8).
So says an article published by the Washington Post.
Having discussed high IQ people including those with a perceived higher intelligence a number of times (this one with the highest Google ranking), I like to ponder on these things.
The first in this article tends to reference dwelling among all people as it relates to happiness:
They use what they call “the savanna theory of happiness” to explain two main findings from an analysis of a large national survey (15,000 respondents) of adults aged 18 to 28.
First, they find that people who live in more densely populated areas tend to report less satisfaction with their life overall. “The higher the population density of the immediate environment, the less happy” the survey respondents said they were. Second, they find that the more social interactions with close friends a person has, the greater their self-reported happiness.
Why would high population density cause a person to be less happy? There’s a whole body of sociological research addressing this question. But for the most visceral demonstration of the effect, simply take a 45-minute ride on a crowded rush-hour Red Line train and tell me how you feel afterward.
One would tend to think that if you weren’t in such a densely populated area, that it might lead to greater happiness. No wonder New York, Chicago and other highly populated cities have such low rankings in this category.
THE NEED TO BE ALONE
I can’t prove it, but there is a tendency for “Smart People” to be either introverted or have a need to spend time alone to gather their thoughts when making contributions to inventions, theorem’s, calculations and other notable achievements. (Note: the link above describes things introverts won’t tell you, but you should know).
Being an author, I know that I prefer quiet to gather my thoughts and increase the powers of concentration on what I am trying to write. It’s hard to clear your mind when there is a bombardment of distractions either from people, social media or other causes.
The article does state the obvious, long commutes, traffic, waiting in line and crowds are tedious, monotonous, and can grate on anyone over time. The infrastructure is usually older (see the lead in the water in Flint, Mich.) I’ve often wondered why anyone would want to live in a place like that if they really had a choice. Maybe that is why there is such a large population outflow to Florida upon retirement.
Kanazawa and Li’s second finding is a little more interesting. It’s no surprise that friend and family connections are generally seen as a foundational component of happiness and well-being. But why would this relationship get turned on its head for really smart people?
I posed this question to Carol Graham, a Brookings Institution researcher who studies the economics of happiness. “The findings in here suggest (and it is no surprise) that those with more intelligence and the capacity to use it … are less likely to spend so much time socializing because they are focused on some other longer term objective,” she said.
Think of the really smart people you know. They may include a doctor trying to cure cancer or a writer working on the great American novel or a human rights lawyer working to protect the most vulnerable people in society. To the extent that frequent social interaction detracts from the pursuit of these goals, it may negatively affect their overall satisfaction with life.
The article and researchers discuss a “Savannah theory of happiness” which is a bit of a reach since there weren’t iPhones for cavemen, although an ability to deal with new challenges seems obvious.
FEAR OF MISSING OUT OF SOMETHING FOR SOME, LOATHING PEOPLE FOR OTHERS
There is a need for many in the general population to gain happiness from their social interactions. I have relatives who suffer from FoMo syndrome, generally indicating that they derive their happiness and/or satisfaction from others or the perception of others.
When drilling down and specifically targeting high IQ people, there is a distinct difference from the last sentence in the above quote:
Second, they find that the more social interactions with close friends a person has, the greater their self-reported happiness.
But there was one big exception. For more intelligent people, these correlations were diminished or even reversed.
“The effect of population density on life satisfaction was therefore more than twice as large for low-IQ individuals than for high-IQ individuals,” they found. And “more intelligent individuals were actually less satisfied with life if they socialized with their friends more frequently.”
Let me repeat that last one: When smart people spend more time with their friends, it makes them less happy.
Again, an observation from the high IQ group and personal introspection, there seems to be less of a need to find your happiness in others or what others think of you in this space. It might be in the above stated pursuit of goals:
Hell might actually be other people — at least if you’re really smart.
That’s the implication of fascinating new research published last month in the British Journal of Psychology. Evolutionary psychologists Satoshi Kanazawa of the London School of Economics and Norman Li of Singapore Management University dig in to the question of what makes a life well-lived. While traditionally the domain of priests, philosophers and novelists, in recent years survey researchers, economists, biologists and scientists have been tackling that question.
There’s a twist, though, at least as Kanazawa and Li see it. Smarter people may be better equipped to deal with the new (at least from an evolutionary perspective) challenges present-day life throws at us. “More intelligent individuals, who possess higher levels of general intelligence and thus greater ability to solve evolutionarily novel problems, may face less difficulty in comprehending and dealing with evolutionarily novel entities and situations,” they write.
It appears that the high IQ might actually have another less socially accepted skill that is less politically correct as defined by the masses. They may just have thought out that they are able to be happier or more satisfied while being alone rather than by having to try and satisfy others definition of their happiness.
Conversely, they might find being around other people annoying, especially the chatty or needy.
Once you are able to happy alone, the ability to be happy with others is icing on the cake, but shouldn’t be the definition of the cake.
I read this article and could hardly believe it. It was me. I’ll editorialize between the lines based on past and current experiences, but people should realize that people are different and here is one group that is virtually unnoticed but should be understood.
The link is now broken, but here is the annotated article:
Introverts catch a lot of shit for being introverted. The whole world seems
so enamored by extroverts – the people we know who just want
to be around people all the time. While we introverts might
not want that, it doesn’t mean we’re depressed or
suicidal or anything wacky like that. There are
some things you should know about us.
1. Small talk sucks.
We’re just not very good at it. We’re typically the big-thinking types.
We like big ideas and theories. Small talk is uncomfortable.
We don’t care about the weather or how
your cat has been doing.
It is very annoying because it mostly is useless to us.
If you need to share so badly,
check with an extrovert who can’t wait to share back.
You just won’t get good
feedback from us.
2. Being alone is fine.
Seriously, we’re doing okay, even if we hole up in our houses for a while.
We don’t need other people for stimulation. We find that ourselves.
We’d almost always rather be alone. We don’t want to be hermits,
but we are good at keeping ourselves busy and this is
our comfort zone for life.
We don’t have to be with a crowd to do something,
although we might come
along once in a while.
3. We aren’t rude or uptight.
We might seem like that at first, but get to know us. We’re still a fun bunch
of friends, we just don’t always acclimate to unfamiliar settings and people
Mostly because you are loud and want to be the center of attention,
something we can’t relate to. When we find out who you really are
behind the facade, it’s easy to get to know us, unless you are phony.
4. Sometimes, we swing both ways.
We might be introverts, but sometimes we are just so the life of the
party. We do this willingly when we’re up to it, but we can’t always
keep that kind of energy going. If we throw a party, great! But give
us some time to recover.
Recover is the key word. We can be with or in a crowd, but afterwords,
we need time alone.
5. We have friends. And they like us! Probably.
People hear the word ‘introvert’ and think of the goth kid sitting alone
at the food court. That’s a whole different thing entirely. We love having
friends, and our friends love having us! We put in a conscious effort for
people we think are worth it.
We see through those who are not worth it and move on as those who
have a constant self centered need for attention aren’t real people,
and likely are far more insecure than we are.
6. When with the right people, we feel safe.
Having the right people in our lives is amazing. we really give our
best selves to the best people. We shine in the right company.
But sometimes it takes a while to find those people.
7. We like to write things out.
Writing is easier than talking for us sometimes. Email is the best
because it helps us get the thoughts out of our heads without
being interrupted. Thinking about giving us a call? Try a text or email instead.
8. We’re super productive.
Sometimes at least. Usually in our alone time, we’re able to really
rock and roll on projects that we need to finish. The solitude helps us,
as we tend to be a bit more distractible than most.
Especially when you constantly talk about nothing just to talk. At work,
the people who have to comment on everything are the worst as
it usually isn’t productive. See small talk.
9. If we don’t like you, you won’t know it.
It’s the truth of the matter. We hate conflict. So even if we don’t like you,
we’ll still be nice. It’s a lot easier than being real with you. Especially if
your feelings are inconsequential enough that confronting you on your
bullshit isn’t even worth the time. Sorry. Well, not sorry.
And we move along without you as you just aren’t worth it.
10. Networking events suck.
Seriously. Is there a mailing list we need to opt out of? There are few
things more uncomfortable than a networking party. Except maybe a
dentist’s networking party that we’ve just been accidentally invited to.
Yes, so why do extroverts keep trying to drag us into this nightmare?
11. We don’t like crowds.
Though I find that after a few beers, I can tolerate it. Introverts tend to
get overstimulated easily, so big crowds are tough to deal with.
It’s just not worth it. Those who have MOP (miss out phobia)
have to be with the crowd, not us. See number 2.
12. Sorry, we probably weren’t listening to your story.
We care deeply about our friends, but people outside of that
circle will have a tough time maintaining our attention. It’s not
that we have ADD or anything like that, we just don’t really
care about you. On the plus side, we won’t judge you, so feel
free to tell us all the fucked up things you said to your ex.
People will tell me anything and everything because
I won’t repeat it. But usually won’t remember it either.
13. Don’t make a fuss out of our birthdays.
For the longest time, I had a great deal of difficulty
understanding why I hated my birthday so much.
Everyone I ever knew would come out and party
with me! But then I realized: that’s the problem!
We don’t need to make a fuss out of our birthdays,
so please don’t do it to us.
Or any holiday for that matter. It’s just another day.
14. We don’t want to make a fuss out of your birthday.
We can quietly honor the annual birthday, right?
It’s your day. You have everyone else making a big deal about it.
15. If we’ve chosen to be friends with you, appreciate it.
We value our alone time. If we see you often, it means that we
really love you. Just don’t get too bummed out when we
don’t hang for a week at a time sometimes.
We’ll likely be the most reliable friend you have, the one
you can call on when your loud friends let you down.
But visitors are like fish, they smell after 3 days.
Hat tip to Higher Perspective.
- Bonus: How to date and introvert, by an introvert.