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I like to make jokes about how much I hate people. As an introvert, it’s easy to do. The stereotype of the misanthropic introvert is backed by countless memes and pop culture references. Think of the animated character Daria with her oversized glasses and a book in her hand, or that catchy quote from Charles Bukowski, “I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.”
These memes and quotes exist for a reason. They’re funny and relatable, and I’ve enjoyed sharing them just as much as anyone else. But there’s a darker side to them. They can also serve as a coping mechanism — something to hide behind. Let me explain.
It’s the whole “I’m too cool for school” persona. It’s easy for me to say I spent the majority of the party playing with the host’s cat because the people there weren’t half as interesting as the books I have at home. It’s harder for me to admit that getting past the barrier of small talk ranges from somewhat daunting to downright terrifying. So I oversimplify and say I don’t like people, when what I actually dislike are the surface-level interactions of most social gatherings.
We’ve all been to those parties where the sole purpose of the event is for everyone to break into small groups and talk about sports, the weather, or where the host’s second cousin got her hair done. It’s moments like these when it suddenly becomes very important to find out if there’s a pet you can play with — or, when all else fails, perhaps a large potted plant to hide behind. If there’s a drink to be fetched or a bowl of chips to be refilled, this task will instantly become the sole purpose of my existence, because literally anything is better than small talk.
However, despite appearances, I don’t hate people. I just hate shallow socializing.
And therein lies the problem that has kept thousands of introverts awake until all hours of the night. Because being an introvert doesn’t mean you want to be alone all the time. But unfortunately, in order to meet people to share your inner world with, it’s necessary to go out and socialize. In order to get to those coveted discussions about life goals, creative passions, and the existence of the universe, you sometimes have to start with some small talk — no matter how painful it might be.
As an introvert, I view socializing much like I view other aspects of my life that I know are good for me in the long run but really aren’t very enjoyable in the moment. Do I really want to go to the gym when I could just go home and watch Netflix? No. Do I really want a salad for lunch when I could have a hamburger? No. Do I really want to go to a party when I could curl up in bed with a book and a cup of tea? It’s a no-brainer.
However, to reap the rewards, you have to put in the work.
It’s all about balance. Just like I might treat myself to a piece of chocolate cake as a reward for all those days at the gym last week, I’ll spend a quiet Saturday night at home because I know I already put in a night of socializing and interacting with people outside of my comfort zone on Friday.
The reward of staying in is so much sweeter when it’s saved as its own unique event to look forward to — whereas staying home with a book feels a whole lot less special when you’re doing it for the tenth night in a row. Sometimes you have to go out to fully appreciate staying in, and vice versa.
I never would’ve met some of my closest friends if I had chosen to stay home and read all the time. The relationships I have now were worth the anxiety and apprehension I felt upon venturing out of my comfort zone to establish them.
Unfortunately, finding those kinds of relationships is rare, because socializing doesn’t always have tangible rewards. Sometimes I leave an event feeling drained and wishing I’d never left the house. Other times, I might feel that it went okay, but I know the surface-level conversations I held all evening probably won’t lead to any life-altering friendships. But that’s okay, because not every conversation or evening out has to be life-altering.
As an introvert, it’s my natural tendency to always want every interaction to be about establishing a lifelong deep connection, but I’ve learned that can put too much pressure on the average casual conversation. Sometimes it’s just about staying in practice with my (albeit limited) people skills until the day when someone suddenly wants to talk about their dreams and goals and all the things that make them tick. It’s impossible to know where a conversation will lead unless you try.
I’m aware of just how ridiculous my socializing philosophy might sound to extroverts. To them, socializing itself is the end goal. My extroverted friends are always looking for something to do on the weekend, during the holidays, and even on work nights. They pursue socializing for the in-the-moment excitement that it brings. For me, attempting to socialize is a long-term goal — one that I carefully craft and balance so I don’t get mentally or emotionally overwhelmed.
“Going out” is rarely exciting for me in the moment. But I always have hope when attending a party or trying a new networking event that I’ll make a friend who is also dying for a quiet cup of coffee while chatting about life, or who wants to take a trip to the beach just so we can lie side by side and read in complete silence.
When I socialize, I’m not looking for a way just to pass the time. I already have a full list of hobbies and interests and not enough hours in the day to enjoy them all. But I’m always looking for a new person with whom I can share my passions and my world. Sometimes meeting that one new person can be worth the agony of socializing. I like to think I’m the kind of person worth socializing for, and I know I’m not the only one of my kind.
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What is your favorite restaurant?
Oh come on now. Did the people asking this ever consider introverts? This is the biggest softball I’ve been served since grade school.
I’ll eat at home every time if given a choice, with my dog.
My brother-in-law has been the president of 3 of the top 10 restaurants in the country and I ate at all of them. I’ve been to France and Italy. I’ve been to the Orient. I ate on other people’s money at some of the finest dining facilities that exist.
On business trips, I’d eat alone with a book if given a choice.
It’s at home though, my favorite restaurant, preferably alone.
I used to feel bad about being an introvert. I wished I could be more like my extroverted friends. They seemed to have no problem carrying on a conversation with anyone at any time. They didn’t seem to get mentally and physically fatigued from socializing — or from life in general — like I did.
Later in life, when I began studying and writing about introversion, I learned that introverts aren’t broken extroverts. Our brains are simply wired differently. Our minds process experiences deeply, and we require alone time to feel our best.
It’s science: Essentially, we introverts don’t need as much dopamine as extroverts do to feel satisfied. You can read more here about the science behind why introverts need alone time.
Because of this wiring, we introverts need different things in life to be happy compared to extroverts. Here are 12 of those things, which I explore more in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts.
Yes, we introverts need downtime after things like parties and networking events. But we also need downtime after “little” things, too. Because we’re wired to process experiences deeply, introverts may get very drained by a stressful day at work, running errands, or a heated conversation with a significant other. Time to unwind allows us to fully comprehend what we just experienced and lower our stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable. Without downtime, we’ll feel brain-dead, irritable, and even physically unwell or tired. This state is called the introvert hangover.
How was your weekend? What’s new with you? We “quiet ones” can do small talk (it’s a skill many of us have forced ourselves to learn), but that doesn’t mean we enjoy it. Introverts crave diving deep, both in our interests and in our relationships. We need something more: What’s something new you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were ten years ago? Does God exist?
Not every conversation has to be soul-searchingly deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to talk about the weather or what you did this weekend. But if we’re only fed a diet of small talk, we’ll leave the table still feeling like we’re still hungry. Without those intimate, raw, big-idea moments, we’ll be unhappy.
(Speaking of chitchat, here’s the real reason introverts hate small talk.)
It may seem contrary to #2, but introverts also need people in their lives who are content with quiet. We need friends or partners who can sit in the same room with us, not talking, each of us doing our own thing. People who won’t nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation but will let thoughts linger, waiting until ideas have been fully digested. Without periods of companionable silence, introverts just won’t be happy.
17th-century horror novels. Celtic mythology. Restoring old cars. Gardening, painting, cooking, or writing. If it’s out there, introverts are diving deep into it. Having time alone to focus on our hobbies and interests recharges us because, while absorbed in them, we likely enter an energizing state of flow. According to the famed psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, “flow” is a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity and enjoying the process. A flow state comes naturally to many introverts, and without it, we won’t feel happy.
(Speaking of hobbies, here’s why introverts should take up new, random hobbies.)
Admittedly, this is something I don’t have right now because my toddler is the ultimate space-invader. However, introverts ideally need a private, quiet space to retreat to when the world is too loud. It could be a room that they can arrange, decorate, and have full control over — a true introvert sanctuary. Or it might be just a special corner, couch, or chair. Being fully alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption, is invigorating on a near-spiritual level for introverts.
According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage, introverts might rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite). This might explain why we introverts struggle to put our thoughts into words. While words seem to flow effortlessly for extroverts, introverts often need an extra beat to think before responding — or much longer to consider a bigger issue. Without time to process and reflect, introverts will feel stressed.
(Want to learn more? Here’s the science behind why writing tends to be easier than speaking for introverts.)
For introverts, socializing is all about dosage. We need friends and loved ones who understand that sometimes we just can’t “people” — and they accept this without giving us a guilt trip. It’s not that we don’t value their company; we simply need time to recharge. Having people in our lives who respect our need for solitude helps us maintain our energy and emotional health. This understanding allows us to show up more fully when we do spend time together.
Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say — even if you’re introverted, shy, or socially anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing.
Be the first to hear when Jenn Granneman’s new book, Easy Conversation, is released — and get two free gifts to help you feel more comfortable in conversations right now:
❤️ 7 easy tips from the book
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Everyone needs to pay their bills, and for many of us, that’s why we go to work, even if we have to drag ourselves kicking and screaming. Some people are content with this arrangement, or at least tolerate it. However, for many introverts, it’s not enough — we crave work that’s purposeful and meaningful. We want to do more than just earn a paycheck and put a roof over our heads. Without meaning and purpose in our lives — whether it comes from our job, a relationship, a hobby, or something else — introverts will feel deeply unhappy.
Sometimes we just don’t have the energy to interact. We might be turned inward, doing what introverts do best — reflecting on and analyzing ideas and experiences. Pointing out, “You’re so quiet!” or prodding us to talk only makes us feel self-conscious. At these times, let us remain quiet — it might be what we need to be happy. After we’ve had time to process and recharge, we’ll likely return with plenty to say.
Unique and independent, introverts are more inclined to let their own inner resources guide them than follow the crowd. We often do our best work — and are our happiest — when we have the freedom to explore ideas, spend time alone, and be self-directed. Independence allows us to tap into our creativity and inner wisdom, setting our own pace and making the decisions that are best for us. Without this autonomy, we might feel stifled.
I have an extroverted friend who seems to do it all— volunteering at her son’s school, caring for her family, planning get-togethers for our friends, and holding down a full-time job. As an introvert, I’d never survive that same schedule; besides, the simple life is good enough for me. A good book, a lazy weekend, a meaningful conversation with a friend, and some snuggles from my animal companions are what make me happy.
We’re never going to be the most popular person in the room. In fact, in a large group, you might not even notice us at all, as we tend to remain in the background. Nevertheless, just like anyone else, we introverts need people in our lives who see our value and love us despite our quirks. We know that at times we can be difficult to deal with — nobody’s perfect. When you love and accept us as we are, even when our weird introvert behavior don’t make sense to you, you make our lives profoundly happier.
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As a counselor, I see many introverts come to my office struggling to set healthy boundaries. This doesn’t mean they’ve failed in some way because, let’s be honest, most of us have never been taught how to do this — and it’s not easy. I often help by showing them a few simple strategies.
To be clear, both introverts and extroverts can struggle with setting boundaries, so it’s certainly not just an introvert issue. Yet, in my experience, they struggle for different reasons. There are typically two main roadblocks for us “quiet ones”:
Many introverts — especially highly sensitive ones — are naturally inclined to take care of others due to their strong sense of empathy. For more on this, see my article The Science Behind Why We Absorb Others’ Emotions (and How to Deal).
Introverts, many of whom are compassionate and eager to help, often see boundaries as walls rather than healthy limits.
Over the course of our sessions, I help my introverted clients understand that boundaries aren’t barriers or dividers. They are guidelines, rules, or limits that define reasonable, safe, and mentally healthy ways for others to treat them — and how they will respond when those limits are crossed.
Simply put, personal boundaries are a list of what is and isn’t okay.
Again, to be very clear, not every introvert struggles with setting boundaries. But in general, because of their empathy, introspection, and compassion, some introverts tend to see boundaries as obstacles to relationships. They may view saying no as unkind, and setting boundaries may even feel wrong.
In reality, boundaries are the foundation of an empathetic, compassionate relationship. As Brené Brown writes in Rising Strong, “Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
Sometimes, introverts come to me feeling upset or frustrated about a friend or loved one who isn’t meeting their expectations. One young woman, an introvert, was desperately trying to help her depressed friend. She repeatedly came to me with feelings of resentment and anger, saying, “No matter what I do, she isn’t getting better.”
This woman was so empathetic that she was pouring everything she had into trying to pull her friend out of depression. When we looked deeper, we realized she had an unspoken expectation — that her friend would get better because of her efforts. She believed she could heal her friend, and when that didn’t happen, she took it as a personal failure.
Instead of setting boundaries about when she would offer support and when she needed to take time for herself, she kept investing more energy, time, and effort into making her friend meet an expectation that wasn’t hers to control.
The more we talked, the more she realized that this wasn’t true empathy or compassion — it was actually harmful to both of them.
Brené Brown captures it beautifully in The Gifts of Imperfection: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
My client began setting boundaries with her friend. She still offered support with kindness, but she no longer felt responsible for fixing the problem. She allowed herself to take breaks, spend time with other friends, and prioritize her own well-being. As a result, she became more present and compassionate with her struggling friend, and her own stress significantly decreased.
This is the life-changing power of setting boundaries.
Do you struggle to set healthy boundaries? Here are three key steps I share with my clients that can help you, too:
Start by reflecting on your values. Who are you? What matters most to you? Your boundaries are about you, so take the time to identify what you truly need from others. For example, as an introvert, you likely value alone time — your boundaries should reflect that.
Pay attention to your emotions, as they often signal where boundaries are needed. Do certain situations leave you feeling frustrated or resentful? Is there someone you frequently complain about? Do you feel suffocated, taken advantage of, or even unsafe in a particular relationship? Emotions are like warning flags, waving to get your attention and reveal areas in your life that may need stronger boundaries.
For introverts, who often prioritize their inner world over external interactions, expressing boundaries can feel daunting —especially if it’s your first time. Here are some tips to help:
If I’d only learned this earlier in life, it would have made a big difference. I just didn’t know how important this was
Have you always felt different? Were you the quiet one in school? Did people ask you, “Why don’t you talk more?” Do they still ask you that today?
If so, you might be an introvert like me.
Being an introvert means you lose energy from socializing and gain energy by spending time alone. That’s it. Introversion is not a flaw, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It’s a healthy personality trait that comes with many strengths.
Keep in mind, that nobody is completely introverted or extroverted — we all show both traits at different times, though we tend to lean more in one direction or the other.
To help you determine where you fall, here are 21 signs of an introvert from the book, The Secret Lives of Introverts. The more signs you relate to, the more introverted you are.
You have no problem staying home on a Saturday night. In fact, you look forward to it. To you, Netflix and chill really means watching Netflix and relaxing. Or maybe your thing is reading, playing video games, drawing, cooking, writing, knitting tiny hats for cats, or just putzing around the house. Whatever your preferred solo activity is, you do it as much as your schedule allows.
If you’re an introvert, you feel good when you’re alone. In your alone time, you’re free.
(Read the science behind why introverts love spending time alone here.)
Your alone time isn’t just about indulging in your favorite hobbies. It’s about giving your mind time to decompress. When you’re with other people, it might feel like your brain is too overloaded to really work the way it should. In solitude, you’re free to tune into your own thoughts and feelings. You might be more creative and/or have deeper insights when you’re alone.
You have a distinct inner voice that’s always running in the back of your mind — and it’s hard to shut off. Sometimes you can’t sleep at night because your mind is still going. Anxious thoughts from your past might haunt you. “I can’t believe I said that stupid thing… five years ago!” Introverts tend to be somewhat more prone to anxiety and depression than extroverts.
There’s something about being with a group of people that makes you feel disconnected from yourself. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to hear your inner voice when there’s so much noise around you. Whatever the reason, as an introvert, you crave intimate moments and deep connections — and those usually aren’t found in a crowd.
Walking up to strangers and introducing yourself? You’d rather stick tiny needles under your fingernails. But you know there’s value in it, so you might do it anyway — except you feel like a phony the entire time.
If you’re like me, you had to teach yourself how to do it. I tell myself to activate my “public persona.” I say silly things to myself like, “Smile, make eye contact, and use your loud-confident voice!” Then, when I’m finished, I feel beat and need downtime to recharge. Like me, you might wonder if other people have to try this hard when meeting new people.
At work, you’d rather pull your boss aside after a meeting and have a one-on-one conversation (or email your ideas) than explain them to a room full of people. The exception is when you feel passionate about something. You might risk overstimulation when you think speaking up will truly make a difference.
You’d rather text your friend than call her or email your coworkers than sit down for a staff meeting. Writing gives you time to reflect on what to say and how to say it. It allows you to edit your thoughts and craft your message just so. Plus there’s less pressure when you’re typing your words into your phone alone than when you’re saying them to someone in real time. You may even be drawn to writing as a career.
(Here’s the science behind why writing is typically easier than speaking for introverts.)
One of my extroverted friends is always calling me when she’s alone in her car. She figures that although her eyes, hands, and feet are currently occupied, her mouth is not. Plus, there are no people around — how boring! So she reaches for her phone.
However, this is not the case for me. When I have a few spare minutes of silence and solitude, I have no desire to fill that time with chitchat.
When a coworker is walking down the hall toward you, have you ever turned into another room in order to avoid having a “Hey, what’s up?” conversation with him? Or have you ever waited a few minutes in your apartment when you heard your neighbors in the hallway so you didn’t have to chat? If so, you might be an introvert. It’s not that introverts are afraid of making small talk, it’s just that we’d rather not do it.
This might stem from your dislike of small talk or the way your introverted mind goes deep. If it were up to you, mindless chitchat would be banished and interesting philosophical discussions and personal stories about life lessons would be the norm. You’d much rather sit down with someone and discuss the mysteries of life — or at the very least, exchange some real, honest thoughts about what’s going on in each other’s lives. Meaningful interactions are the introvert’s antidote to social burnout.
(Speaking of chitchat, here are four hacks for introverts to turn small talk into meaningful conversation.)
Sure, maybe you party every once in a while. But when you do, you usually don’t go to events with the intention of making new friends. You’re content with the few close friendships you already have.
Recent research shows that everyone gets drained from socializing eventually, even extroverts. That’s because socializing expends energy. But introverts likely tire faster than extroverts and experience social burnout with more intensity. If you’re an introvert, you may even experience something called the “introvert hangover,” which is when you feel extremely fatigued and perhaps even physically unwell after lots of socializing.
Introverts (especially highly sensitive ones) can get overwhelmed by too much stimuli. But there’s an upside to our sensitivity — we notice details that others might miss. For example, you might notice a subtle change in your friend’s demeanor that signals that she’s upset (but oddly, no one else in the room sees it). Or, you might be highly tuned into color, space, and texture, making you an incredible visual artist.
(Speaking of highly sensitive people, here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)
I can write for hours. I get in the zone, and I just keep going. If you’re an introvert, you likely have your own hobby or pet project that you can work on for practically forever. That’s because introverts are great at focusing alone for long periods of time.
You might daydream so much that people tell you to “get out of your head” or “come back down to earth.” That’s because your inner world is almost as alive and vivid as the outer one.
Actually, you just like to observe in general, whether it’s people, nature, etc. Introverts are natural observers.
You don’t mind giving the stage to someone else for a bit and listening. You’re not clamoring to get every thought out there, and you don’t need to “talk to think” like many extroverts do.
You’re close with just one, two, or three people, and you consider everyone else to be an acquaintance. That’s because introverts only have so much “people” energy to spend, so we choose our relationships carefully. It’s about budgeting.
There’s a reason big parties aren’t your thing: Introverts and extroverts differ in how their brains process experiences through “reward” centers. You can read more about these brain differences here.
Introverts tend to observe, take in a lot of information, and think before they speak. We’re analytical and reflective, and we’re often interested in discovering the deeper meaning or underlying pattern behind events. Because of this, introverts can seem wise, even from a young age.
Introverts relish being alone. In our solitude, we have the freedom to tune into our inner voice and tune out the noise of the world.
But introverts don’t always want to be alone. As human beings, we’re wired to connect with others, and as introverts, we long to interact meaningfully. So introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.
yes, most of these for me
What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.
What do you do during the day? It seems innocuous, but here’s why it isn’t for me. (the real answer is that I mind my own damn business and get done what needs doing).
I retired early and being a good introvert, I stay to myself, don’t bother others (especially with personal questions). I do normal introvert things like read and write a lot. I go about my business, get exercise usually for hours, do house repairs, help others, go to bible studies or other events, etc.
The point is that I don’t keep detailed records of what I do. I go about my business and try to stay out of other people’s business.
This question started with a relative I nicknamed Flounder from Animal House, for all the reasons Dean Wormer described about how not to go through life. Flounder went between high paying jobs to bankruptcy due to money mismanagement (spent like a drunken sailor). We’ve never been particularly close because we are so different and shit like this makes me not want to try very hard.
It should be noted that if I give someone a nickname in life, it’s not a good sign of how I feel about them.
Every conversation was, “What do you do all day, sweep the floors?” In fact, it was one of the things I did because I like a clean house. It was a shitty question though and it became monotonos. I’d just rather not have a conversation than discuss that. I finally turned it on him by saying most people ask me that because they wonder what they’ll be doing when they retire. He had no real answer as he defined himself by his job his wife told me.
Nevertheless, the condescending attitude was not even masked. I, the consummate introvert couldn’t defend the question on cue. I’d think of what I wrote above in the hours after the discussion when it didn’t matter.
Still, I hate the idea of anyone 1) intruding on my life and what I do unless I choose to talk about it and 2) getting this condescending attitude because I was able to retire early and it was a part of my life plan. (note: I saved, invested, and paid off all of my debt early to be able to do it. Flounder was in debt above his head and lost millions on houses and valuables he borrowed to get. He had to work until almost 70 and thought he was a big shot until his next firing.
Now, I’m still retired and set for the rest of my days. Flounder lives with one of his kids as he lost both of his houses. Do I ask what do you do all day? Hell no. I don’t want to know what he does, but it’s an intruding question.
Note: I got this question from one of my wife’s friends Randi when I said I was going to retire early. What are you going to do was the very next statement. I answered and got, and then what are you going to do.
Randi isn’t a part of our life anymore because of her shitty attitude. I couldn’t stand to be around her either. She was snarky when saying it and those things don’t get past me easily.
Hey Randi, I’m retired early and am loving life, doing what I want. That’s what I do all day. I go about my business.
This ends with the story about the kid eating all of his candy. A man said that isn’t good for you to which the kid said my uncle lived to be 120. The man asked if it was eating so much candy and the boy responded no, it was because he minded his own business.
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
Some of the characters in this story aren’t going to make it to the end.
Unless you make the inner circle, you’re probably going to have to go, or at least wait a long time to get me to do something with you.
The introvert joke says that people die in my autobiography, but I’m not going to kill anyone. It’s more like avoiding them until they go away or just keep saying no to doing shit together that I don’t want to do.
Who are your favorite people to be around?
I’d like to say something witty or emotional like my family or my oldest friend from childhood, but it would be a lie.
It’s my dog
Don’t get me wrong, I like (a few of) my family and my friends, for a bit.
The introverts will know what I’m saying without me even explaining animals, small talk and time alone to re-charge
If there were a biography about you, what would the title be?
How to enjoy being alone by yourself. How to not care what others think or let it affect your self-esteem. How to have passion about your avocation to the point that you excel past others who do the same thing over a variety of activities.
I could go on, but you get the point. It’s the introvert thing again.
You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do?
Nothing. It’s not important to others so I don’t bother them with it. Some people have to tell the world, but I don’t think others care that much so I usually don’t say much.
I hate people who brag anyway so I go out of my way not to do it.
Since I’m not on Fake book or X, I’m not obligated to post about it.
Life is a lot easier when you live in your own lane and don’t have to show off to others. Those that are happy for you will be. They’ll find out the news sooner or later.
I’ve been around long enough now to know that things are fleeting. Whatever news will fade into life and there will be downs as well as ups. Once you understand that, you look at news differently.
Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?
Just about every damn one of them. Girlfriends too.
I was infatuated with boats as a kid. I wound up owning two and was glad to unload both of them.
I played Tennis in college, playing and practicing every day for years, and don’t even bother turning on Wimbledon anymore.
I fished (see the boats) for decades every week and haven’t wet a line in years. I caught thousands of fish
I did martial arts for decades, but that fell by the wayside also.
I hunted for years until I decided not to kill anymore unless it was life or death. My house has trophies on the wall from many hunts, but there won’t be anymore.
I biked in group rides competitively multiple times a week for years and even though I ride for exercise, I do it alone now about once a week, just to stay healthy and to get away.
It was the same with all the girlfriends I had before being married. They lasted until I realized who they presented themselves to be to win me over wasn’t who they were, and it was over.
Hell, I don’t even want to see my extended family unless I have to. I keep them at arm’s length as much as I can to not have the stories of my childhood replayed for the 1000th time.
What all of these had in common was that I conquered them. The thrill of victory was over and there were no more dragons to slay. When the passion was gone, so was I.
Now, I try not to get small-talked to death and most of the stuff I do are solo sports.
About the only things that remained in my life were golf, auto racing, reading, and bible study. The rest faded away due to a lack of passion.
Such is life. I try to stay to myself. I compartmentalized the things in the past and write about them occasionally, mostly to myself.
I’ve become more introverted in life and my enjoyment comes from within and time alone rather than in groups. Hell, I have to face people from my past this week and I can’t say I’m excited about that either.
It’s why I rarely care what people think of me, even while I’m alive. If someone doesn’t like me, it’s one less hassle for me to deal with and more free time to enjoy what little time I have left.
I’m married to a person who goes through life like a Facebook page trying to collect likes. It’s annoying to watch.
I had to ask
I thought number 8 was about Friday the 13th.
The fear of Friday the 13th is known as friggatriskaidekaphobia. It combines the word ‘Frigga’, which is the name of the Norse goddess after whom Friday is named, and ‘triskaidekaphobia’, which is the fear of the number 13.
I added these:
The fear of having houseguests is called “domatophobia”. It is derived from the Latin word “domus” which means house and “phobos” which means fear. This phobia can cause intense anxiety and discomfort for individuals when they have to host guests in their home.
The fear of small talk is known as “homilophobia”. It comes from the Greek word “homilia” which means conversation and “phobos” which means fear. This phobia can cause individuals to feel extremely anxious and uncomfortable when they have to engage in casual, superficial conversation.
What books do you want to read?
I’ve started liking History, so historical fiction not textbooks. I’m starting a series by C.J. Box about the outdoors. If it’s good, I’ll have a whole series to read.
I’m also reading Hillbilly Elegy by JD Vance
I’m finishing the last book of the Expanse so Sci-Fi has been good to me for a few months now.
The point is I always want to read. I’ve read since I was a young child. I was the only one of my siblings who did. I can escape into my own world this way and people don’t bother you when you are reading.
What are your biggest challenges?
Look, I’m an introvert. While I’d like to say that curing cancer, ending world hunger, or overcoming a life threatening disease were my macro challenges, it’s not my daily struggle.
Avoiding people and small talk constantly raise their heads to dog me. I can’t expect most other than fellow introverts to get this, but it’s a struggle for me to face a crowded room of people. Having to engage in meaningless talk about stuff I know doesn’t matter is difficult also. It’s mentally draining for introverts. We are not built for it and when it comes up, it’s like being in a tunnel with the train light headed directly for you. It’s like having a grains of sand in your eye constantly and you can’t remove it.
I can do it, but with less and less enthusiasm and I have to work myself up to face it. My extroverted other has put me in situations I wish I weren’t in a lot of times in my life. I’ve finally fought that off. I find myself wanting to withdraw more and nothing pleases me more than canceled plans now.
I’m not going to be on my deathbed and wish I was more outgoing. I have a lot of other regrets that are more meaningful than small talk.
Recent Rash Of Crashes Turns 2024 Into Deadliest Year For Aviation Since 2018
The commercial aviation industry faced a turbulent week with four plane crashes, making this one of the deadliest years since 2018. The most shocking mid-air aviation disaster occurred on Sunday when a Jeju Air 737-800 jet crashed at Muan International Airport in South Korea.
Amid the latest mid-air mishaps and several others, onboard passenger fatalities on commercial flights have risen to 318 this year, according to Bloomberg, citing data from Cirium.
This marks the highest death toll since 2018, when 500 lives were lost—a year defined by the first of two fatal Boeing 737 Max crashes.
Sure, it’s a cheap out for me who hates airports, lines, TSA, people, germs, hotels and flying, but hey it works for me.
Let’s not forget all the DEI in the FAA, air traffic control, Boeing, and the Airlines. They could have hired quality instead of quota
from Introvert Dear, but I can relate and I bet other Introverts can also. I don’t go if at all possible and am better for it.
Oh no, oh no, oh no. It’s today, isn’t it? The holiday party. And there’s another one tomorrow. A red-and-green glitter bomb of social obligation has exploded all over your calendar. Sure, you love your family, but the truth is, you’re an introvert, and big parties are utterly exhausting — even on those rare occasions when you actually enjoy them. Loud, crowded rooms and yet another round of “So, what’s new with you?” probably leave you dreaming of a white Christmas at home in your pajamas.
But the holidays only come around once a year, so you’ll rock around the Christmas tree anyway. That said, you’ll probably have some thoughts like these. Introverts, can you relate?
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Saying yes to the big holiday get-together seemed like a good idea when you RSVP’d. You even threw in some exclamation points (soooo excited to see everyone!!) and offered to bring your famous apple dumplings. But that was two weeks ago — you were younger then, full of hope. Now, in a moment of panic and desperation, you’re seriously considering canceling because you’re “sick.” Besides, didn’t you promise your dog you’d binge Netflix together tonight?
It is your family we’re talking about. And it is the holidays. That’s the double-edged sword of being an introvert — just thinking about skipping the party makes you feel guilty, even if it would be better for your mental health. You don’t want to let anyone down, even if saying yes means draining your energy completely.
Yes, that’s it — the perfect compromise! You’ll say your hellos, grab some food, and even give nosy Aunt Gladys the most basic updates about your life, complete with a polite smile. Then you’ll make a swift exit, just like a certain snowman who knew better than to stick around when the sun was hot that day.
You’re doing this. You’re really doing this. You take a few deep breaths, savor the last moments of peace and quiet, and silently swear on Aunt Gladys’s fruitcake that you’ll be back home soon.
You’re at the party, and it’s SO LOUD. Christmas carols are blaring, everyone is talking at once, and your inner introvert is screaming for an escape to somewhere quieter. The noise feels like a physical force, crashing over you and draining your energy. You’re no Grinch, but suddenly his decision to live alone with his dog on a mountain makes perfect sense — it was quiet!
Let’s face it — small talk has never been your thing. Gossip and chatter about weekend plans? It all feels so, well, boring. As an introvert, you’d rather dive into big ideas or, at the very least, something that feels authentic and meaningful. At the party, you do your best to stick to socially acceptable chitchat, but somehow, it always veers off into… something else entirely.
…so, so awkward.
Despite how it might look to others, you’re not angry, bored, or depressed — you’re simply turning inward to block out the overwhelming stimulation. The noise, the flurry of activity, and the endless social cues to process can be too much for introverts, who naturally thrive in calmer, more low-key environments.
This quiet moment alone is bliss. No small talk, no noise — just you, recharging in peace.
…there’s waaay too much fake smiling happening at this holiday party.
Many introverts are devoted animal lovers because our four-legged companions are the perfect match for us. They offer unconditional love without expecting small talk or fake smiles in return (see above). And unlike some extroverts, they’ll never talk your ear off or complain that you’re too quiet.
Pulling out your phone and pretending to be completely absorbed in it? A classic introvert move.
Sometimes, even we introverts surprise ourselves by enjoying a social event. There’s something comforting about feeling included — even if half the time was spent dodging personal questions from family and quietly checking your phone. And let’s be honest, the holidays bring a certain warmth and nostalgia that’s hard to resist. Maybe you even found another introvert to chat with — or an extrovert who respected your quiet vibe. It feels good to connect, even for us fiercely independent introverts.
But then, the inevitable happens. No matter how much fun you had, you’re still an introvert — and that means your social battery only lasts so long. Time to head home and recharge!
And that’s okay — it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just the way you’re wired.
…but let’s be real, a lot of them just don’t.
Dang, you forgot to pack your invisibility cloak. But it’s time to make your escape. Fingers crossed no one hits you with a “You’re leaving so soon?” as you quietly slip out the door.
On the left: What it looks like.
On the right: What it feels like.
The party might be over, but that doesn’t mean your energy magically returns. In fact, this is when the real exhaustion sets in. Cue the dreaded introvert hangover. For many introverts, social burnout isn’t just mental and emotional fatigue — it’s physical, too. The symptoms are real: headaches, muscle aches, and an overwhelming sense of feeling unwell. It’s your body’s way of saying, time to rest.
A WHOLE DAY.
Can we make it 12?
You shut your bedroom door and breathe in the sweet, glorious relief of solitude. If you have kids, you might try to pass them off to your spouse for a little while — because let’s face it, the only cure for an introvert hangover is downtime. Alone in your room, free from everyone’s expectations, you’re finally in your most comfortable, natural habitat. This time to decompress isn’t just nice — it’s necessary. Seriously, it’s for everyone’s safety!
What was the last thing you did for play or fun?
I’m very content to be by myself. When you can do that, then being with others is fun, but not a requirement for fun. I do a lot of things and have a lot of activities, but they are taxing on my social battery. I don’t long for that like others
I was alone with my dog when this question came across my blog feed. I’m very content with just him and me and I realized that is fun.
The hustle and bustle of life doesn’t thrill me anymore.
Just my dog and me, fun for now.
What could you do less of?
This one is a layup for me. It’s small talk.
I’m at the point where if it’s a deep subject or means something, I can go deep and listen and discuss until the subject is exhausted.
When I hear about shopping, what other people said, and the various examples of small talk, not only do I tune out, my social battery starts draining immediately.
Other introverts will relate to this one. It’s when the extroverts get going and talking is sort of a competition, where they wait for a break so that they can get in their point or part of the story that may or may not have anything relevant to what is being discussed.
Pathological talkers are like that. They wake up and their mouth starts going. I literally hide in my own house sometimes to make it stop
I couldn’t agree with this writing more. It’s happening to me and I even crave it now. For example, I celebrate every time I miss another high school reunion. The 50th is next year for me and there is nothing or nobody that could drag me back to see people that I left behind decades ago. (see the last section).
I’ve got family within driving distance and I don’t text or call for fear that there might be a get-together that I’d have to suffer through. There just isn’t enough there for me to want to suffer through that anymore.
I’m a classic introvert, but in my teens and twenties, it was normal for me to spend almost every weekend with friends. Now, in my thirties, the perfect weekend is one with zero social plans.
And I’m not the only one socializing less these days. My extroverted friend, for example, used to run through her entire contact list, calling friends whenever she was alone in the car. She told me she hated the quiet, the emptiness, because being alone felt boring.
You know, for the whole 10–15 minutes it took to drive to the grocery store. Oh, the horror.
These days, I can rarely get her out for brunch or coffee. She’s content spending most nights at home with her husband and two kids. And I haven’t gotten one of her infamous calls in years.
So, what gives? Do we get more introverted as we get older?
Probably, says Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking — and this is actually a good thing. Let me explain.
In a post on Quiet Revolution, Susan Cain confirmed my suspicions: We tend to act more introverted as we get older. Psychologists call this “intrinsic maturation.” It means our personalities become more balanced, “like a kind of fine wine that mellows with age,” writes Cain.
Research also shows that our personalities do indeed change over time — and usually for the better. For instance, we become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as we grow, with the largest change in agreeableness happening during our thirties and continuing to improve into our sixties. “Agreeableness” is one of the traits measured by the Big Five personality scale, and people high in this trait are warm, friendly, and optimistic.
We also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less “people time” and excitement to feel a sense of happiness.
Psychologists have observed intrinsic maturation in people worldwide, from Germany to the UK, Spain, the Czech Republic, and Turkey. And it’s not just humans; they’ve observed it in chimps and monkeys, too.
This shift is why we slow down as we get older and begin enjoying a quieter, calmer life — and yes, it happens to both introverts and extroverts.
From an evolutionary standpoint, becoming more introverted as we age makes sense — and it’s probably a good thing.
“High levels of extroversion probably help with mating, which is why most of us are at our most sociable during our teenage and young adult years,” writes Susan Cain.
In other words, being more extroverted when you’re young might help you form important social connections and, ultimately, find a life partner. (Cue the flashbacks to awkward high school dances and “welcome week” in college.)
Then, at least in theory, by the time we reach our 30s, we’ve committed to a life path and a long-term relationship. We may have kids, a job, a spouse, and a mortgage — our lives are stable. So it becomes less important to constantly branch out in new directions and meet new people.
(Note that I said “in theory.” In my 30s, I still don’t have kids, a mortgage, or a wedding ring. These days, we have the luxury of not following evolution’s “script.”)
“If the task of the first half of life is to put yourself out there, the task of the second half is to make sense of where you’ve been,” explains Cain.
During the married-with-children years, think of how difficult it would be to raise a family and nurture close relationships if you were constantly popping into the next party. Even if you don’t marry or have kids, it would be hard to focus on your career, health, and life goals if you were always hanging out with friends like you did in your teens and twenties.
But there’s a catch: Our personalities only change so much.
In my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, I like to say that our personalities may evolve, but our temperaments remain constant.
This means that if you’re an introvert, you’ll always be an introvert, even at 90. And if you’re an extrovert — though you may slow down with age — you’ll always be an extrovert.
I’m talking big-picture here: who you are at your core.
Research supports this idea. In 2004, Harvard psychologists Jerome Kagan and Nancy Snidman studied individuals from infancy into adulthood. In one study, they exposed babies to unfamiliar stimuli and recorded their reactions. Some babies got upset, crying and flailing their arms and legs; these were labeled “highly reactive” to their environment.
Other babies remained calm around the new stimuli; they were the “low-reactive” ones.
When Kagan and Snidman checked in with these individuals later, they found that the “highly reactive” babies often grew up to be more cautious and reserved, while the “low-reactive” babies tended to stay sociable and daring as adults.
The bottom line? Our core temperament — whether cautious or sociable, introverted or extroverted — doesn’t change dramatically with age.
Consider, for instance, your high school reunion.
Let’s say you were very introverted in high school — perhaps the third-most introverted person in your graduating class. Over the years, you’ve grown more confident, agreeable, and comfortable in your own skin, but you’ve also become a bit more introverted. If you enjoyed hanging out with friends once a week in high school, maybe now in your thirties, you’re content with seeing them only once a month.
At your ten-year high school reunion, you notice everyone has slowed down a bit, enjoying a calmer, more stable life. But those who were very extroverted in high school are still much more extroverted than you.
You’re still approximately the third-most introverted person in your class — but now the whole group has shifted slightly toward the introverted side.
And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it might be exactly what we need to flourish as adults. If there’s one thing we introverts understand, it’s the deep satisfaction of a quiet life.
Have you found yourself becoming more introverted as you’ve gotten older? Let me know in the comments below.
Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?
I’ve been around the world, to most of the continents. It was for both business and pleasure. I’ve stayed in the finest hotels and some dumps. I’ve eaten with the best chefs and at a choke and puke.
I don’t want to do that anymore. The sense of adventure isn’t enough to make me want to fight the people, the waits, the lines, and the crappy service.
The answer now is that I want to be Home or my place in the mountains. I have my stuff in my place and I don’t have to fight airports, and security lines, stay in places that aren’t mine and someone full of germs was just there before me.
It’s because I’m an introvert and getting old. I don’t care anymore. I don’t have to see everything and right now, there’s nothing I want more than to be in my place, preferably alone with my dog.
In a world that often sings the praises of an extroverted lifestyle and the constant whirlwind of social activities, we introverts prefer to walk a quieter path — one that values solitude, introspection, and a select few meaningful connections. For us, solitude isn’t just a preference; it’s a sanctuary — a place where we find the clarity and peace we need to thrive.
When I entered my twenties — a decade traditionally associated with socializing and expanding your circle of friends — my introverted journey took a refreshingly different route. Instead of a jam-packed social calendar or always being surrounded by people who were the life of the party, I found solace in solitude and the company of a select few cherished friends. If you’re an introvert, I’m sure you can relate.
Here are 10 reasons why introverts often prefer having fewer friends.
When we have fewer friends, we have more time and energy to nurture the relationships that matter most. These friendships are built on trust and shared experiences, creating bonds that grow stronger with time. They not only withstand the test of time but also offer unwavering support and comfort during life’s highs and lows.
In a world often obsessed with the quantity of connections, we understand that it’s the quality of these relationships that truly enrich our lives. We don’t consider everyone a friend, which makes each interaction a treasured moment of shared understanding and genuine care.
In her book Quiet, Susan Cain points out that introverts often thrive in more intimate, one-on-one interactions. Having fewer friends allows us to focus on building meaningful connections with those who truly “get” us and accept us for who we are. These authentic friendships are like warm, cozy blankets on a chilly night, providing comfort and genuine support when we need it most.
For us introverts, having a smaller circle of friends can be a blessing. With fewer social obligations and less influence from a large social circle, we have the time and space to deeply invest in the friendships that truly matter. I find that with just a few close friends, I can truly invest in understanding them on a deeper level and being there for them when they need support.
Like many introverts, I am not one for small talk. I don’t want to just talk about the weather or what you saw on TV last night. I want to hear about your childhood and life experiences — the lessons you’ve learned that have made you the person you are today. I want to hear about your hopes, dreams, and goals. I want to know how your relationship is truly going — not just the surface-level “It’s good” you might tell others when that’s not the whole story. The busyness of a big social network doesn’t allow for that kind of deep connection.
Plus, as a result, we can focus on understanding ourselves better and on what truly makes our hearts sing and souls dance. This journey of self-discovery is a precious gift that can guide us toward a more fulfilling path in life.
As we grow older, we become more independent, exploring the world on our own terms and savoring the freedom and solitude that come with it. Alone time recharges our batteries, giving us the energy to spread our wings and pursue the adventures that resonate with our souls.
Having fewer friends creates space for us to develop our individuality. In a world that often pushes for constant social interaction, this independence becomes a sanctuary — a place where we can fully embrace who we are.
In busy social environments, we introverts often experience sensory overload — loud music, crowded rooms, and constant conversations drain us. We start to feel overstimulated and unable to focus as external stimuli compete for our attention.
Having fewer friends translates to more peace and quiet, giving us the calm we need to recharge. We retreat into the soothing sanctuary of solitude, embracing the silence that stills our thoughts and relaxes our spirit. The chatter and noise of constant social interactions are replaced by tranquil moments of reading, reflecting, or simply being. This quiet space becomes our safe haven amid life’s chaos.
For us introverts, peace and quiet are not just luxuries — they’re necessities. We thrive when we can turn down the volume of the outside world and tune into our inner landscape. With fewer friends and obligations, we create space to hear our thoughts, reconnect with ourselves, and let stillness restore our energy. The silence nourishes us deeply.
With fewer social distractions, we can channel our energy into pursuing our passions and goals, turning what might seem like “alone time” into a wellspring of productivity and creativity. The result? We often emerge as high achievers in various aspects of life, including career and personal growth.
Our alone time — or creative space — becomes the launchpad we need to reach for the stars at our own pace. It allows us to develop our talents, chase our dreams, and make a meaningful impact on the world.
Smaller social circles mean less conflict and drama. There’s less politics, gossip, jealousy, and fewer fallouts to manage. My energy goes toward nurturing a few intimate friendships, not maintaining a large roster of dramatic relationships.
As introverts, we strongly dislike confrontation and arguments; we prefer peace and harmony. Navigating friend drama can be exhausting. I’ve come to value friendships that are drama-free, where my friends and I can support each other and communicate openly. This kind of acceptance is incredibly refreshing.
When we do choose to socialize, we introverts treasure meaningful conversations and deep connections with our friends. With fewer friends, we can dedicate more time to truly enjoying their company — sharing heart-to-heart chats that leave lasting impressions. These moments of genuine connection nourish our souls, reminding us that when it comes to friendship, less truly can be more.
Difficult times have shown me that I don’t need constant external validation or a large support network. Instead, I rely on a few close friends who provide perspective when I’m overthinking and need clarity.
Over the years, the advice and support I’ve received from them have helped me tap into my own inner strength, process emotions through reflection, and grow through life’s ups and downs.
This emotional strength becomes an invaluable companion as we move through life, helping us weather storms with grace. We introverts don’t depend entirely on others for comfort or reassurance — we carry a quiet confidence in our ability to cope and thrive, even when facing tough times alone. We understand that our worth comes from within, not from the size of our social circle.
While we introverts aren’t fans of constant socializing, there are days when we crave a change of scenery or the chance to connect. We might want to chat with a friend over coffee or catch up over lunch. However, having a smaller circle of friends means they’re not always available when we’re looking for company. As a result, we learn to embrace solitude and use it as an opportunity for self-discovery.
Learning to be alone has been a blessing for me as an introvert. I’ve discovered that it’s where I find true happiness, independent of others. Whether it’s reading, writing, journaling, or simply enjoying nature, I’ve come to cherish and embrace my own space.
Basing self-esteem on friendships and social approval is fragile. As introverts comfortable with solitude, our sense of self-worth comes from within. We understand that our value isn’t measured by the size of our social network or the number of likes and followers on social media.
This inner confidence allows us to form authentic connections without relying on external validation. The older I get, the more I realize that my worth isn’t defined by others — it comes from loving and accepting myself first.
Having a few close friends who truly see and appreciate me has shown me that I don’t need a big circle to feel fulfilled. I now carry a quiet confidence that comes from embracing my introverted journey. This realization has been one of the greatest gifts of my introverted life.
What are your favorite animals?
My dog of course. He’s the one I spend the most time with. Being an introvert, having him is better than most other people I encounter. When I go to someone’s house, I almost always gravitate to the pets if there are a lot of people. Introverts will relate to that one.
Next, most other dogs. I spent the weekend dog-sitting for my son and had fun with both of them.
Way out of that thought pattern came Cheetah. I like how fast it is and since I’m a big F1 fan, I thought of that.
Completely unrelated though are people that mistreat animals. They should be punished way worse than they are to stop this behavior. From building wind farms and killing whales to being cruel like tying a dog to a post and leaving it during Hurricane Helene (I’m not going to link to it because it pissed me off so much).
I hope someone has a good animal story or one about a really unusual animal.
What’s the first impression you want to give people?
I don’t care, I’m an introvert. I don’t even think about things this way.
It’s more likely that I’m trying to avoid any small talk if possible.
What people think of me doesn’t affect my life anymore. I used to have to pretend to care when I worked, but it wasn’t sincere concerning me being worried about what they thought of me.
It’s not narcissistic as I just don’t think this way. If they like me, fine. If they don’t, also fine. I’m nice and say hello and do the minimal banter if I can’t move on, but I just don’t think this way. Their impression is what it is and doesn’t enter my mind to worry about it.
I learned a long time ago you can do whatever you want, but people are going to make up their minds the way they want to and while you can temporarily influence it, you reveal yourself eventually.
What is good about having a pet?
What’s not good about having a pet?
They’re perfect for introverts. I get along with my dog better than almost all people. He loves me unconditionally. I do everything I can to take care of him and his health. I suffer for him when he’s not feeling well and take care of all his needs.
He’s right next to me as I type this.
He’s also a great reason for me to leave any gathering so that I can take him for a walk or feed him. Introverts will relate.
This couldn’t be any more true for me. Every single point. Especially number 6 that I’m already planning on using at the family Thanksgiving dinner.
Many introverts are hardcore animal lovers (like me!). Why? Because animals fulfill a specific role for introverts that people just can’t. When we’re drained of energy and desperately need recharge time, the calming presence of a pet can provide exactly what we need as we recover.
Personally, I’ve had a variety of pets throughout my life, including cats, dogs, fish, hermit crabs, and ferrets. Each of them, of course, has had unique needs and personalities, but they’ve all shared the same purpose: being a constant source of friendship and positivity in my life. They offer so much and ask very little in return.
While not all introverts are animal lovers, I think many of us “quiet ones” would agree that pets make the perfect companions. Here’s why.
Even in casual gatherings — like watching a movie or joining a group hike — someone inevitably feels the need to fill every silence with chatter. Some people will say anything to break an “awkward” silence, which often only compounds an introvert’s dislike of small talk. This tendency can even lead us to make a quick excuse and head out.
But animals don’t do small talk.
It may sound silly, but it’s incredibly comforting to just sit with another creature in complete silence. There’s no expectation to talk or do anything; you get to simply exist. And you can relax, knowing your cat, dog, rabbit, or any other pet will never ask your opinion on the weather.
Animals ask very little of us. All they want is food, love, and perhaps the occasional trip outdoors. That’s it.
Even the nicest people come with expectations and inevitably want something from you. They may want you to talk when you don’t feel like it, go out when you’ve already reached your “people limit” for the day, or listen as they vent about their problems. With animals, there’s no pressure — just a simple, unconditional companionship.
I have to admit — I spend a lot of time in my pajamas. On days when I’m not working or don’t have important plans, you’ll most likely find me in comfy clothes all day.
That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lounging in bed. I’m up, reading, cleaning, cooking, or handling other life things. I just prefer staying in the most comfortable clothes I own because, well, they’re comfortable.
Even the kindest people might find it odd if I showed up to hang out in my pajamas. But my cats and dog don’t care at all about what I’m wearing, whether my hair is styled, or if I’m wearing makeup. They accept me just as I am.
Many introverts thrive on routine and consistency. We’re often not big fans of surprises, as they can catch us off guard and overwhelm us while we try to process the sudden shift. Being prepared helps reduce some of the anxiety and overstimulation that social events or large gatherings often bring.
But life, of course, is unpredictable. Some days go exactly as planned, while others take unexpected turns, with new things popping up constantly. On those days, our introverted souls need something comforting to recharge us — and a pet is perfect for this. After a tough day, it’s comforting to know you can come home to a snuggle and a furry face that loves you unconditionally.
Believe it or not, there are times when introverts actually want to socialize. But figuring out how to get a meaningful conversation started can be tricky for us “quiet ones.”
The good news is that your pet can be a perfect icebreaker, especially if the other person loves animals, too. Talking about your pet is a great way to ease into conversation without the focus being on you (since many introverts dislike talking about themselves with people they don’t know well).
And if you find a fellow pet lover? That’s as close to instant friendship as it gets! Prepare to spend the next half hour exchanging pet stories — a fun conversation that’s worlds better than small talk.
What’s that? An evening get-together after a full day of work? Sorry, but my dog has been crossing his legs all day, and I promised to feed my cat precisely at 6:30 p.m. Looks like I’ll have to skip!
It may sound a bit silly, but for introverts who don’t have a spouse or kids at home “needing” them, a pet provides the perfect excuse to head straight home after work or make an early exit from a party.
Sure, pets require cleaning up after and sometimes get noisy at night, but I still stand by this: Introverts and pets make the perfect companions.
The dreaded icebreaker. Is there anything worse? Introverts might rather face a masked figure wielding a chainsaw than endure that awkward moment.
Whether it’s a party, work event, or family gathering, introverts prefer to be where the crowds are not. It’s not about hating people or having enochlophobia — they’re just wired to be more sensitive to all kinds of stimulation. For an introvert, few things are scarier than the looming threat of an introvert hangover.
Can we… not? When asked to reveal personal details to people they barely know, introverts might feel as uncomfortable as a kid who’s eaten too much Halloween candy. Ironically, they’d probably feel more at ease discussing something deeper — like how a career setback helped them grow as a person or the physics of time travel — than making small talk about what they did over the weekend.
Friends are coming… to my home? My sacred space? The one place where I can truly relax and be myself? For introverts, last-minute guests mean no time to mentally prepare to be “on,” which is a truly terrifying prospect.
Small talk — those pointless exchanges designed to fill awkward silences. For introverts who crave meaningful interaction, empty chitchat is the worst. No wonder introverts hide in their apartments like a serial killer’s on the loose when they hear that neighbor in the hall — the one who talks so much, you’re not sure they’re getting enough oxygen.
You forgot. You made the plans. And now every hope of a peaceful, relaxing night at home has vanished, like a nightmare fading upon waking.
Introverts thrive when they can focus deeply without interruptions. Unlike extroverts, they usually don’t “think out loud” but process thoughts, emotions, and ideas internally. For introverts, group projects at work or school feel like juggling multiple costume changes in one night — managing group dynamics, personality clashes, and the actual project itself, all while feeling mentally and physically drained. So. Much. Socializing.
The rest are at this link, but suck for introverts just as much
You’ll find the team building exercises, open office, and other hate speech towards introverts in this excellent article
Why do the majority of introverts hate small talk?
By definition, introverts are people who feel drained by socializing and recharge their energy by spending time alone. Because small talk is neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating, it can feel like an inefficient use of their limited social energy. In other words, if introverts are going to use up their energy, they want to spend it in ways that really count.
(Not sure if you’re an introvert? Here are 21 signs that confirm you’re an introvert.)
Also introverts tend to enjoy delving deep into topics and exploring ideas on a meaningful level. It’s more energizing to talk about things that feel important and relevant to them. Small talk, by its very nature, remains at a surface level.
It’s not that introverts hate socializing or people. Even though we’re introverts, we still need close, healthy relationships to thrive.
As my friend Dr. Laurie Helgoe points out in her fascinating book, Introvert Power, “Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”
Small talk doesn’t bring people closer. Quite the opposite — it can create a barrier that prevents the kind of genuine, intimate connections we all crave.
Think about it. When two people get stuck in small-talk mode, discussing only “safe” and polite topics like the weather, they don’t really learn anything new about each other. They don’t get to know the other person or understand who they are. They miss discovering that their conversation partner, for example, wakes up early to go birdwatching, hates the color yellow, or grew up on a family farm.
As a result, the relationship doesn’t grow in a satisfying way. In general, introverts are interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, life lessons, and experiences, which isn’t usually achieved through small talk.
If you’re an introvert, you’re probably well aware that we live in an extroverted world. As Susan Cain pointed out in her bestselling book, Quiet, Western culture is shaped by the extrovert ideal — the belief that the “best” person is outgoing, highly sociable, and thrives in the spotlight.
However, introverts make up 30-50 percent of the U.S. population, and many of them find certain “extroverted” behaviors quite annoying. So, I asked the introverts who follow me on Facebook to share which behaviors bother them the most — and here’s what they had to say. The good news? If you can relate, you’re not alone!
Click here if you want to see the list
How do you celebrate holidays?
I avoid them as much as possible.
I hate my birthday because the only real birthday happened a long time ago.
Christmas starts in September now and I’m fatigued by the time it comes. I don’t think most people believe in the real reason for Christmas anyway. They just want to decorate and get gifts. I question their sincerity when they are all nice in the season, yet give me the finger while driving.
As usual, because I’m an introvert, I have a hard time processing the attention and wish that it would just be over.
What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?
My first thought was the usual red flags for dating girls. There are the usuals like too many tats, piercings, hair dyed an unnatural color, and feminist attire.
Then it occurred to me that those are for the dating crowd. For me, it is chatty females. When they start in on nothing just because they can’t handle silence, I’m out of there. I can’t take small talk. I will talk for hours on something deep, but yapping just for the sake of talking is a red flag. That is the introvert in me coming out
When thinking deeper about the question and including the population of the world, the clear answer was disloyalty. That is the end of a relationship for me. Once that line is crossed, I can’t go back. Once you stab me in the back, that’s it.
Shout out to my college girlfriend who slept around I found out afterwards. This blog is for you.
Here are some excerpts. The link to the full article is below. If you are an introvert, you already know this. If you are an extrovert, it’s really for you. They are the cause of a lot of our anxiety and problems trying to drags us along to a bunch of stuff we’re uncomfortable doing.
An introvert socializes very differently from an extrovert. Many of us “quiet ones” can socialize with people in small or large crowds, but it comes at a cost to our mental and physical energy. Instead, we prefer smaller, more intimate settings, or better yet, quiet evenings at home with just one other person as opposed to those spent out.
Even though I’m an introvert, I can “play the extrovert” when needed. I can put on the perfect smile, don my best dress, and be the perfect lady on your arm. I’ll be charming, witty, and entertaining. I can host a family feast during the holidays or attend that lavish event you’ve been looking forward to all year……
Speaking of parties, can an introvert go out and party? Sure! But we will probably be the first ones to leave and go home. The crowd of people and the noise — while energizing to extroverts — is utterly exhausting to us introverts.
After The Event is when an introvert needs their alone time the most. I want nothing more than to go home, possibly take a long bubble bath, and spend a day in my pajamas. Downtime is how introverts recharge their energy, both mental and physical. (Here’s the science behind why introverts love — and need — alone time.)….
Even though we love spending time alone, you have to understand that introverts still want to be included. We want to be asked. If we turn down your invitation to dinner or a night out, we might tell you that we’re busy or have other plans. Those plans could very well involve spending the day reading, writing, or binge-watching TV……
Click to read more, especially if you know an introvert. You need to know this
What’s your favorite time of day?
When I am alone. I need this time to recharge my social batteries and recover from small talk.
When I was hunting and fishing, I’d get up early. So early that not even the dog would get up with me. No one was yapping at me and I could get things done.
Now, I’ve retired and my outdoor activities are different, but the common element is that they are things I do by myself.
You can take the introvert out of the country, but you can’t change his human nature.
Being an introvert, I’d put small talk when you talk at someone instead of talking to them, or being interesting. Don’t narrate your day and expect me to want to engage
I know I hate mine and it’s coming up, mostly the attention thing. No extrovert will understand this, but you should.
Anyway, here it is and boy is it right. Again, courtesy of Introvert Dear, link at the end
I’ve never really liked my birthday. In fact, it’s one of the days I dread the most. I hate all the extra attention and the pressure to make it a special day, usually with a party. It’s insufferable.
When I was a teenager, I used to have long, exhausting fights with my mother in the weeks leading up to my birthday. She always wanted me to celebrate with a huge party filled with family and friends. But to me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration. Instead, I wanted something small, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with a few close friends.
More often than not, I used to win these fights and ended up doing what I wanted for my birthday. But all these arguments took a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. Whenever I refused to have a party or make a big deal out of my birthday, people called me a party pooper, a killjoy, and a downer. I didn’t have the words to defend myself (I was still a kid), so I internalized all those insults and convinced myself that there was something “wrong” with me. It took me years to realize and accept that there was nothing wrong with me — I am an introvert.
I am now a proud introvert who can defend the reasons behind my actions and behaviors. In case you’re curious, my relationship with my mother has improved, but I still hate my birthday. I believe a lot of the reasons stem from the fact that I’m an introvert.
Obviously, not all introverts hate their birthdays, but over the years I have noticed that a significant portion of the online introvert community feels aversion or indifference toward their birthdays. Here are a few reasons I believe some introverts (like myself) don’t like their birthdays.
This one’s a no-brainer. Most introverts don’t like being the center of attention, so having an entire day dedicated to them can be quite uncomfortable. It’s especially tough when they are put on display in front of a lot of people, anxiously waiting to see their reactions while opening gifts or making a wish and blowing out the candles to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”
In my case, I especially hate all the attention I receive for something as trivial as turning one year older. I feel like I haven’t earned it, and I don’t know what to do with it. Being the center of attention makes me anxious, uncomfortable, and insecure. I always try to avoid it and redirect that attention to something or someone else. But when it’s my birthday, that is almost impossible to do because it’s “my day.”
Birthdays and parties practically go hand in hand. When your birthday is coming up, everyone expects you to throw a big party to celebrate. Introverts tend to dislike parties because we don’t like big crowds, loud noises, and shallow socializing. This aversion to parties doesn’t change when the party is ours. If anything, it makes it worse.
When we throw a party, we might end up feeling anxious and worrying if everyone is having fun. It’s our party, so we feel the pressure and responsibility to be a good host and ensure everyone is enjoying themselves. But in the process, we sometimes forget to have a good time ourselves.
And don’t even get me started on surprise parties. It’s undoubtedly a nice gesture for someone to throw you a surprise party because it shows they care enough to go through all the trouble of organizing it. But a surprise party is practically a living nightmare for an introvert. If there’s anything worse than having a party, it’s not having knowledge or control over your own party.
This is one of the things that bother me the most about my birthday. Sometimes, I just want to do something small to celebrate, like going to the movies or taking a long walk around the city. But the pressure from others to make it a “special” day can be too much. I get it, I was born on that day, but why does it have to be the most special day of my year? Why do I have to have the time of my life specifically on that day? That’s just setting myself up for failure because the expectations are always way too high. (And we introverts don’t like pressure anyway!)
Plus, when your birthday is coming up, it seems like everyone has their own opinion about how you should celebrate it. Instead of asking you what you want to do, some people tell you exactly what you should do. Whether it’s a party or going dancing at a club, your birthday might end up being about what other people want to do instead of what you want.
And God forbid you suggest you don’t want to do anything for your birthday — people might look at you as if you’re crazy. They will try to convince you that you’re wrong and that you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t do something special on that day.
This one might come off as ungrateful because it’s undoubtedly nice to have people who care enough to wish you a happy birthday. But to an introvert, all that attention can be overwhelming.
Phone calls, in general, make some introverts uncomfortable. When the sole purpose of a call is to wish us a happy birthday, it’s even worse because all the attention is on us. After the “Happy Birthday”s and “Thank you”s, the inevitable small talk follows, making us even more uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that the people who usually call are relatives or friends you only talk to two or three times a year.
The same goes for the Facebook messages and texts you receive throughout the day. After the pleasantries and birthday greetings, you have to make small talk (again, in a different form) with all the people who wished you a happy birthday. This can be a bit too much, which is why I think some introverts hide their birthdays from their social media pages.
Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say, even if you’re introverted, shy, or anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing. Click here to secure your spot in Jenn Granneman’s upcoming course, Easy Conversation.
Few situations are worse for an introvert than being in front of a cake while friends and family sing what feels like a three-hour rendition of “Happy Birthday.” I never know what to do or where to look when that melody starts, and suddenly I have a cake in front of me and dozens of eyes on me.
There is no appropriate reaction to that situation. Do I smile the whole time? No, that would look fake, and my cheeks would probably start to hurt after the third “Happy birthday to you…” Do I put on a poker face? No, that would probably come off as bratty and ungrateful. Do I sing with them? No, that would look awkward. Do I run away and hide in the bathroom? No, that would probably lead to a lot of questions. Whoever came up with this particular birthday tradition obviously hated introverts and wanted to see them suffer.
I love celebrating my friends and family’s birthdays. I enjoy seeing them happy and buying them presents to celebrate another year of their lives. But when the spotlight is on me and it’s my birthday, I hate it. I hate the pressure, the attention, and the Happy Birthday song.
However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed my birthdays before. The birthdays I have enjoyed the most are the ones when I did what I wanted to do, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with my best friends, not when I succumbed to the pressure from others and ended up doing what they wanted me to do.
So if you have an introvert in your life and you want to make their birthday special, just ask them what they want to do and respect it. Don’t assume everyone wants to celebrate with a huge party and be the center of attention.
And if you’re an introvert who hates their birthday like I do, there are ways to enjoy this “special day.” Set realistic expectations, put your foot down, and do what you want to do, whether that’s having dinner with your family, going dancing with your friends, or staying home with a good book and a Netflix marathon. I can’t promise you’ll start loving your birthday, but at least you’ll enjoy it more. And the good thing about birthdays is they only happen once a year.
Why are you so quiet?
As an introvert, I’ve been asked this question countless times. It mostly happened when I was a child, but I distinctly remember one instance in high school when someone asked if I was mute. I replied that I simply didn’t like talking that much.
Growing up, I was the shy girl who preferred reading and writing stories over engaging in conversation. Classmates would ask me this question, while teachers and other adults would often sigh and comment, “Oh, she’s so quiet!”
Not all introverts are shy and quiet, but I happen to possess both these traits. And, I require much more alone time than most people around me.
In an effort to help the world better understand us “quiet ones” — and perhaps spare some of my fellow introverts from having to answer this annoying question — here are five reasons why an introvert might not be talking.
The list is here. Click to see if one of them is you or someone you know
The takeaway: Don’t try to force an introvert to talk more or change them into an extrovert. It won’t happen. Love them for who they are because there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
Thanks again to Introvert Dear who makes my life more understandable.
What are your future travel plans?
I’m doing it right now.
Instead of waiting at an airport with flights canceled by computer glitches, I’m up in the mountains where it is 30 degrees warmer than home. The food is grown on organic farms nearby and traffic is rare. The only sound I hear while typing this is birds chirping and my dog is at my feet.
I traveled for business for many decades. It was a time when you got service and comfort. Those are long gone now replaced by inconvenience and a general lack of concern by the service and travel industries.
There isn’t much to make me want to get on another cattle car to go wait in lines.
I also grew up in Central Florida before Disney World was built. I watched people pay exorbitant prices to wait for hours in the blazing sun for hours. I went at night or in the 2 weeks that are the Florida winter when my friends who worked there gave me tickets. That isn’t my idea of fun either.
I’d still like to hear from those who like it. It counter balances my position
What’s your favorite game (card, board, video, etc.)? Why?
Once again, you get the introvert answer. I loathe those long assed games where people get together and socialize for hours playing Monopoly or Bridge. I’m ready to leave before it starts.
I had the chance to play video games in 1981 before Nintendo came out with the orange button controller. I knew then that I didn’t have time to waste playing the same scenario over and over, although I get the attraction to others.
If I play a card game, it’s going to be solitaire. I don’t really play it anymore, rather spend my time writing and learning, but anytime I can do something to not drain my social battery quickly.
I played golf yesterday. I can be alone there also. I have my earbuds in and tune out the world.
Which activities make you lose track of time?
Writing. Note, I want to hear from my reader nicknamed bocopro who has great comments every time. It turns out that he’s a better writer than me and his stuff is funny to read. He has a lifetime of experience to draw upon and I like hearing from the readers.
While I do a lot of physical activities, I’m able to stay in the present about what is going on around me or in life. When I start writing, especially in a personal journal where I pour out my heart on my feelings or memories, I can get lost for a long time.
Occasionally, if I go back to read those words, I can relive that time of the actual occurrence and the time when I wrote it. I feel those feelings deeply and once in a while I am proud of what I wrote.
Have you always felt different? Were you the quiet one in school? Did people ask you, “Why don’t you talk more?” Do they still ask you that today?
If so, you might be an introvert like me.
Being an introvert means you lose energy from socializing and gain energy by spending time alone. That’s it. Introversion is not a flaw, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It’s a healthy personality trait that comes with many strengths.
Keep in mind, that nobody is completely introverted or extroverted — we all show both traits at different times, though we tend to lean more in one direction or the other.
Here’s the list, it’s pretty convincing.
Nothing is better for me than when plans are cancelled for an event. The minute I agree to do something I’m somewhat on the edge about, the regret begins. I bet I burn up as much of my social battery dreading going to these events as being there. Hell, I’m burnt out before I even go if I realize it’s a big mistake or someone says there will be a lot of people there.
In fact, if you want to give your introverted friend the gift they want the most, give them cancelled plans. It’s one of our favorites. Heck, call them up and say that the plans you had to go out together are cancelled, even if you didn’t make any. That’s how good of a gift it is.
What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?
Yes, it’s Introvert time again. I am more comfortable alone than I am among a lot of people. While it’s possible to be alone in a crowd (introvert strategy here), it still comes with stress.
I also hate deadlines and the stress that comes with making it. I try to get stuff done well in advance so I don’t have to deal with it at crunch time.
Oh, and avoid family reunions as much and as often as possible.
I’m sure others have much better strategies to increase their comfort, but here’s my .02.
Describe your most memorable vacation.
I’ve been on vacations as a kid, with that family growing up. I was kind of a tag along and did what my parents decided mostly. We went to the beach a lot growing up in Florida. That meant I grew up next to Disney World. Heck, we didn’t even have Disney until 8th grade for me. My memories there are of playing alone next to the ocean in my own world.
Then came vacations with a different family, my wife and kids. We traveled around the world. They were good times that I’ll remember while taking one kid fishing everywhere and the other doing anything to keep her from being bored. There was no time to recover or recharge my social battery.
Later in life I did stuff like sailfishing in Costa Rica or going to F1 in Italy and again they were good, but stressful trying to catch planes and waiting in huge crowds. I still had to rush to catch planes and was a mule hauling luggage around the world.
As always though, my introvert self comes out. Vacations where you are always on the run and trying to make everyone happy wore my social battery out to the point that I’d need a vacation to recover from vacation.
Now, I just go to the mountains where there aren’t many people and I can relax without having people acting like tourists or waiting in line. I have my stuff in my place and I can do gardening and tree trimming out in field with no one telling me what to do.
Not having the next deadline or trying to catch the next plane is my favorite.
Again, this comes from Introvert Dear, a resource that helps me understand me. The link is at the end
When writing my book, I spoke with Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who had recently published a paper on introversion. He explained that one reason introverts need alone time is related to how we respond to rewards.
No, I’m not referring to the gold foil stars you might have earned in grade school (though it could be argued that stickers are indeed a reward for kids). For adults, rewards can be things like money, social status, social connections, sex, and food. When you get promoted at work or convince an attractive stranger to give you their phone number, you’re receiving a reward. Hurray!
Of course, introverts also value things like money, relationships, and food. However, researchers believe that introverts are wired to respond differently to rewards than extroverts. Compared to our more outgoing counterparts, we “quiet ones” are simply less motivated and energized by these same rewards. It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while introverts often see overcooked hamburgers.
In fact, as any introvert can confirm, sometimes those “rewards” aren’t just less appealing — they can actually be tiring and annoying, like a big party. This brings me to another reason why introverts need alone time: We react differently to stimulation.
Take, for example, two friends at a house party — one an extrovert, the other an introvert. They’re crammed into a crowded room where loud music blares from huge speakers. Everyone is practically shouting to be heard over the din. There are a dozen conversations happening simultaneously, with just as many things demanding their attention.
For the extrovert, this level of stimulation might feel just right. He sees potential rewards everywhere — an attractive stranger across the room, opportunities to deepen old relationships, and the chance to make new friends. Most importantly, tonight offers a chance to boost his social status within his friend group, especially if he navigates the evening skillfully.
So, the extrovert feels energized and excited to be at the party. In fact, he’s so motivated that he stays late into the night. He’s exhausted the next day and needs time to recover — after all, partying is hard work. But to him, the energy spent was well worth it.
Now, back to our introvert. See him over there, hunkered down in the corner? For him, the environment feels overwhelming. It’s too loud, there are too many things happening at once, and the crowd creates a dizzying buzz of activity. Sure, he wants to make friends, fit in, and be liked, but these rewards just aren’t as tantalizing to him. It feels like he would have to expend a lot of energy for something he’s only mildly interested in to begin with.
So, the introvert heads home early to watch a movie with his roommate. In his own apartment, with just one other person, the level of stimulation feels just right. He exchanges some texts with a woman he met a few weeks ago in one of his classes. Like the extrovert, he too wants friends and a romantic partner. However, he finds it too tiring to deal with the noise and socializing at a big party to make those connections.
Chemically, there’s a good reason the introvert in the above scenario feels overwhelmed, and it relates to a neurotransmitter called dopamine. This chemical, found in the brain, is often referred to as the “feel good” chemical because it regulates our pleasure and reward centers.
One of its roles is to make us notice potential rewards and motivate us to pursue them. For example, dopamine alerts the extrovert to the attractive stranger at the party and fuels his motivation to come up with a cheesy pick-up line.
Another important function of dopamine is reducing our cost of effort. Socializing requires energy because it involves paying attention, listening, thinking, speaking, and moderating our emotional reactions. Technically, socializing is tiring for everyone, including extroverts. However, dopamine helps make it less exhausting for them.
According to DeYoung, extroverts have a more active dopamine reward system. As a result, they can better tolerate — and often push through — the tiredness that inevitably comes with socializing. Much of the time, they don’t experience the same level of mental and physical fatigue that introverts do, thanks to this dopamine boost.
It’s called the “introvert” hangover, not the “extrovert” hangover for a reason.
Dr. Marti Olsen Laney explains the difference between introverts and extroverts in her 2002 book, The Introvert Advantage. She states that introverts are more sensitive to the effects of dopamine, requiring less of it to feel its pleasant effects. Too much dopamine, she notes, can lead us “quiet ones” to feel overstimulated — another reason why introverts need alone time
Extroverts, in contrast, may have a low sensitivity to dopamine, meaning they need more of it to feel happy. Social activities and stimulating environments increase dopamine production, which helps explain why extroverts relish socializing and “being on the go” more than introverts.
Interestingly, Dr. Laney explains that introverts may prefer to use a different brain pathway, one activated by acetylcholine. This neurotransmitter is linked to long-term memory, perceptual learning, and the ability to stay calm and alert, among other functions.
Introverts might enjoy spending time alone partly because of acetylcholine. According to Laney, this neurotransmitter can produce a sense of happiness for introverts when they engage in inward-focused activities, such as quietly reflecting or enjoying hobbies.
Finally, a study found that extroverts might simply find humans more interesting than introverts do. This finding aligns with the idea that introverts are less motivated to seek social rewards.
In this study, researchers observed a diverse group of individuals and recorded their brain’s electrical activity using an EEG. As participants were shown pictures of both objects and people, the researchers measured their brains’ P300 activity. This activity happens quickly in response to sudden changes around us and gets its name because it occurs within 300 milliseconds.
Interestingly, researchers found that extroverts showed the P300 response primarily when viewing images of faces, whereas introverts only exhibited this response after viewing objects. Essentially, extroverts’ brains became more active when looking at people.
This doesn’t mean that introverts hate people (though, admittedly, the human race can get on my nerves occasionally). Researchers still don’t fully understand introversion. However, these findings suggest that extroverts might simply place more importance on social interactions than introverts do.
So, the next time an introvert in your life needs alone time, remember that it’s not personal. Introverts need alone time because their brains are wired that way. It isn’t necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you or your relationship.
As for me, you can find me at home tonight. Preferably with the whole place to myself, that is.
I sign up for a lot of these. Once again an excellent article from Introvert Dear.
Yes, we introverts need downtime after things like parties and networking events. But we also need downtime after “little” things, too. Because we’re wired to process experiences deeply, introverts may get very drained by a stressful day at work, running errands, or a heated conversation with a significant other. Time to unwind allows us to fully comprehend what we just experienced and lower our stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable. Without downtime, we’ll feel brain-dead, irritable, and even physically unwell or tired. This state is called the introvert hangover.
How was your weekend? What’s new with you? We “quiet ones” can do small talk (it’s a skill many of us have forced ourselves to learn), but that doesn’t mean we enjoy it. Introverts crave diving deep, both in our interests and in our relationships. We need something more: What’s something new you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were ten years ago? Does God exist?
Not every conversation has to be soul-searchingly deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to talk about the weather or what you did this weekend. But if we’re only fed a diet of small talk, we’ll leave the table still feeling like we’re still hungry. Without those intimate, raw, big-idea moments, we’ll be unhappy.
(Speaking of chitchat, here’s the real reason introverts hate small talk.)
It may seem contrary to #2, but introverts also need people in their lives who are content with quiet. We need friends or partners who can sit in the same room with us, not talking, each of us doing our own thing. People who won’t nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation but will let thoughts linger, waiting until ideas have been fully digested. Without periods of companionable silence, introverts just won’t be happy.
17th-century horror novels. Celtic mythology. Restoring old cars. Gardening, painting, cooking, or writing. If it’s out there, introverts are diving deep into it. Having time alone to focus on our hobbies and interests recharges us because, while absorbed in them, we likely enter an energizing state of flow. According to the famed psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, “flow” is a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity and enjoying the process. A flow state comes naturally to many introverts, and without it, we won’t feel happy.
(Speaking of hobbies, here’s why introverts should take up new, random hobbies.)
Admittedly, this is something I don’t have right now because my toddler is the ultimate space-invader. However, introverts ideally need a private, quiet space to retreat to when the world is too loud. It could be a room that they can arrange, decorate, and have full control over — a true introvert sanctuary. Or it might be just a special corner, couch, or chair. Being fully alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption, is invigorating on a near-spiritual level for introverts.
According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage, introverts might rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite). This might explain why we introverts struggle to put our thoughts into words. While words seem to flow effortlessly for extroverts, introverts often need an extra beat to think before responding — or much longer to consider a bigger issue. Without time to process and reflect, introverts will feel stressed.
(Want to learn more? Here’s the science behind why writing tends to be easier than speaking for introverts.)
For introverts, socializing is all about dosage. We need friends and loved ones who understand that sometimes we just can’t “people” — and they accept this without giving us a guilt trip. It’s not that we don’t value their company; we simply need time to recharge. Having people in our lives who respect our need for solitude helps us maintain our energy and emotional health. This understanding allows us to show up more fully when we do spend time together.
Everyone needs to pay their bills, and for many of us, that’s why we go to work, even if we have to drag ourselves kicking and screaming. Some people are content with this arrangement, or at least tolerate it. However, for many introverts, it’s not enough — we crave work that’s purposeful and meaningful. We want to do more than just earn a paycheck and put a roof over our heads. Without meaning and purpose in our lives — whether it comes from our job, a relationship, a hobby, or something else — introverts will feel deeply unhappy.
Sometimes we just don’t have the energy to interact. We might be turned inward, doing what introverts do best — reflecting on and analyzing ideas and experiences. Pointing out, “You’re so quiet!” or prodding us to talk only makes us feel self-conscious. At these times, let us remain quiet — it might be what we need to be happy. After we’ve had time to process and recharge, we’ll likely return with plenty to say.
Unique and independent, introverts are more inclined to let their own inner resources guide them than follow the crowd. We often do our best work — and are our happiest — when we have the freedom to explore ideas, spend time alone, and be self-directed. Independence allows us to tap into our creativity and inner wisdom, setting our own pace and making the decisions that are best for us. Without this autonomy, we might feel stifled.
I have an extroverted friend who seems to do it all— volunteering at her son’s school, caring for her family, planning get-togethers for our friends, and holding down a full-time job. As an introvert, I’d never survive that same schedule; besides, the simple life is good enough for me. A good book, a lazy weekend, a meaningful conversation with a friend, and some snuggles from my animal companions are what make me happy.
We’re never going to be the most popular person in the room. In fact, in a large group, you might not even notice us at all, as we tend to remain in the background. Nevertheless, just like anyone else, we introverts need people in our lives who see our value and love us despite our quirks. We know that at times we can be difficult to deal with — nobody’s perfect. When you love and accept us as we are, even when our weird introvert behavior don’t make sense to you, you make our lives profoundly happier.
What is your favorite season of year? Why?
Look, I grew up in Central Florida without air conditioning. It was summer 51 of the 52 weeks of the year.
One of the best things in life for me was getting out of that state. It may have a great political climate, growth, no state taxes and other positives, but dreading to go outside because it’s so hot isn’t worth it.
Any of the other three seasons is great for me.
My go to page for this stuff is Introvert Dear. They nailed it on this one. Link below
Does this sound familiar?
You’ve spent the whole day with your friends or family. You’ve had a great time eating, playing games, and catching up. But now, you’re so exhausted you can barely see straight, while everyone else seems as energetic as ever. In fact, they’re already setting up the next game as you’re wondering how you can slip out the door.
The next day, after the event is over, is no better. You might have a headache, and your body may feel sore and drained, almost like the onset of the flu. You’re tired — so very tired.
If this resonates with you, you might be experiencing something we call an “introvert hangover.”
Introvert, Dear writer Shawna Courter coined the term “introvert hangover” in this article to describe the exhaustion she felt after celebrating Christmas with her in-laws. She writes:
“An introvert hangover is a pretty terrible thing to experience. It starts with an actual physical reaction to overstimulation. Your ears might ring, your eyes start to blur, and you feel like you’re going to hyperventilate. Maybe your palms sweat. And then your mind feels like it kind of shuts down, building barriers around itself as if you had been driving on a wide open road, and now you’re suddenly driving in a narrow tunnel. All you want is to be at home, alone, where it’s quiet.”
Yes, the introvert hangover is real. It’s a funny term that describes the serious social burnout many introverts experience, marked by significant mental and physical fatigue.
Here are 12 signs that you might have an introvert hangover, which I discuss in more detail in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts. You don’t need to experience all these symptoms to have one, and your symptoms might vary.
Here are the 12 Signs You have an Introvert Hangover
I never understood this for the first more than 5 decades. I did know that I’d instinctively look for a place to be away from the group once the event was over. I connected better with pets than strangers. I get it now and protect myself with time alone, sometimes before the event to make sure my battery is full
What’s the one luxury you can’t live without?
It’s because I’m an introvert.
I’ve lived through the aftermath of hurricanes with no power and it turns out you can get along.
It’s far more draining to me when I can’t be alone to recharge my batteries.
Who do you spend the most time with?
I’m almost always happy being by myself. I like others and I’m even married. Still, if I have the chance to be alone, I make that choice almost every time.
Now, if you’re an introvert like me, you might hate the small talk ritual. Jon Baker, a business coach for introverts, found that 74 percent of introverts said they dislike small talk, as opposed to only 23 percent of extroverts who said they dislike it.
Why do the majority of introverts hate small talk?
By definition, introverts are people who feel drained by socializing and recharge their energy by spending time alone. Because small talk is neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating, it can feel like an inefficient use of their limited social energy. In other words, if introverts are going to use up their energy, they want to spend it in ways that really count.
(Not sure if you’re an introvert? Here are 21 signs that confirm you’re an introvert.)
Also introverts tend to enjoy delving deep into topics and exploring ideas on a meaningful level. It’s more energizing to talk about things that feel important and relevant to them. Small talk, by its very nature, remains at a surface level.
But those aren’t the real reasons introverts might hate small talk.
It’s not that introverts hate socializing or people. Even though we’re introverts, we still need close, healthy relationships to thrive.
As my friend Dr. Laurie Helgoe points out in her fascinating book, Introvert Power, “Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”
Small talk doesn’t bring people closer. Quite the opposite — it can create a barrier that prevents the kind of genuine, intimate connections we all crave.
Think about it. When two people get stuck in small-talk mode, discussing only “safe” and polite topics like the weather, they don’t really learn anything new about each other. They don’t get to know the other person or understand who they are. They miss discovering that their conversation partner, for example, wakes up early to go birdwatching, hates the color yellow, or grew up on a family farm.
As a result, the relationship doesn’t grow in a satisfying way. In general, introverts are interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, life lessons, and experiences, which isn’t usually achieved through small talk.
Bag and tag? Meet name and shame. Here’s a list of airlines ranked by bags mishandled per 100, or BMPH. FYI: All five airlines lose at least one bag per every 200 bags handled.
And at No. 1: American Airlines (0.76 BMPH) — American sits at the top … of a massive pile of lost luggage. It misplaced 800,198 bags in 2023, or nearly one in every 100 bags it handled. Talk about emotional baggage.
One bright spot:
Without a single lost bag at Japan’s Kansai International Airport (KIX). Yup, officials there say they haven’t lost a customer’s bag since 1994. The workers confirm it but say it’s NBD; they’re just doing their jobs! I wish U.S. baggage handlers had the same idea — then, we wouldn’t need an AirTag in every bag!
h/t Kim Komando
I’ve all but given up on traveling. Whatever there is to see is not worth the hassle that comes along with it. For me, that goes beyond the airlines, it’s an introvert thing anymore, me wanting to be alone in my home.
Having to live the first part of your trip without luggage, the hassle of dealing with the airlines to find it and the delays on the other side of the trip is a big downer. I’ve done it.
I’ve been to Japan. It’s a 17 hour flight time trip, 24 including the airport waits. It was nice, but not worth it just to find a place that won’t lose my luggage.
What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?
I’ve always had a problem with attention on me or the hustle and bustle of holidays.
It’s counterintuitive to me that people act one way because someone said a day is different and then revert back when it was over.
I learned that it’s because of my introverted nature that causes me to process things differently than others.
It’s why days alone to recharge are better for me. They are my vacation and holidays.
I never got birthdays either. It’s just another day for me. I prefer not being the center of attention.
I’m glad others get excited about it but it’s not for me.
What topics do you like to discuss?
I’m not afraid to discuss anything that’s interesting. I can cover a large range of topics and do when prompted.
What is difficult for me is small talk. The banality of it is a painful exercise that I have to go through.
So my talking skills are good with deep conversations and any distraction to end small talk and my having to suffer through it.
Most people are temporary because it takes a long time to get to know someone and it’s hard to find the traits that are important. Loyalty is usually the final demarcation line for me. If they cross it and are disloyal, it’s over for me.
Take my college girlfriend who turned out to be a traveling slut (stewardess). Even though I didn’t find out until afterwards that she was sharing herself with others, that eliminated her from the permanent people pool. I didn’t have to feel the hurt and pain during the relationship, but the dishonesty got me out the door early.
I had acquaintances all throughout my life, but it’s hard to call them friends. The extroverts in my life meet and talk to someone for more than 5 minutes and it’s their new friend. Those are just temporary people for me. It takes a long time and a lot of things in common before they make permanent status. Very few make it.
You have to build a relationship and that is hard enough for me (and I’m guessing other introverts). We’d have to share something in common long enough to see if there is anything there. It still takes a long time for the walls to come down. Then there is the trust tests. I don’t dream them up, but they present themselves in life. I’m usually forced into a situation, but you can tell if a person is going to stick with you or stick it to you.
Even my siblings were temporary. They are around, but don’t count for me as permanent people for the loyalty reason. One can only take so much screwing over growing up and then the walls come up.
There’s your thought for the day.
A much deeper dive can be found here. It is by Introvert Dear who I’ve linked to on the home page describing why introverts don’t consider everyone their friend. It is a special to us and this article tells you why a lot better than I do.
What makes you nervous?
I reached a point in life where I have learned enough that I shouldn’t make bad mistakes or faux pas, yet I do.
It’s difficult enough to express your real feelings, compounded by knowing you’ve let somebody else down is soul crushing sometimes.
I can make it worse by rehashing it in my mind over and over until the point I have to admit it or ask forgiveness.
Describe something you learned in high school.
The leaving it would be my favorite thing. I instinctively knew that my best days were ahead and that those who were stellar in high school had reached their peak. They were the Al Bundy’s who would re-live high school the rest of their lives.
I’d been stuck with these losers since kindergarten and getting away from them and the town was my introvert dream.
One of my favorite things in life is closing a chapter and never going back. It started with high school.
I know mine made my life a lot harder than it needed to be growing up. When we could have bonded, I got someone who was actively against me doing well, instead of being supportive. It must have been insecurity, but trying to bring someone down to build yourself up is no way to live.
My other sibling has been gone for 12 years. We didn’t grow up together and there was no bonding because she was pathological. It’s a good thing I found out how to be alone in life and not worry about others.
See Eating Alone as an Introvert a couple of posts down and you’ll know why.
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What’s the most fun way to exercise?
I mixed it up. I switch between lifting weights, swimming, golf, biking, long distance, and do them all by myself. I never needed a class or a group of people to be motivated exercise.
This will seem matter of fact for those who are introverts because it’s as normal as waking up. I thought that I’d write down the journey that I took to discover this pleasure.
Before I knew I was introverted (although I suspected it) I was traveling for business in the IT industry. My job rarely required a team so I found myself traveling alone a lot. While there was some sense of anticipation before the trip (that I’d learn to loathe), the return home was a recover trip from the people I had to deal with either in groups or one on one.
Inevitably, this would find me in an airport lounge/restaurant or a hotel before or after my business meeting with no one else in town. I’d already flown for hours while reading a book (before movies on flights and well before wifi), so dinner was just an extension of that.
I suppose I could have sought out others, but it was simpler and easier to eat and go back to preparing for my meeting or whatever the agenda was the next day. The people I was meeting usually lived in the city I was visiting so they had families. Once business was done, I had wrapped up any further association in my mind. If I had multiple meetings, I needed to plan for the next day so it was dinner alone usually.
I love to read and books have been my best friend before video games or electronic distractions on trips (and still are). I’d get lost on a spy novel and was identifying as the protagonist by mid flight on my way out of town. I was imagining myself as Edward X. Delaney, Jason Bourne or Mitch Rapp depending on the decade
To continue reading while eating seemed normal to me. I didn’t know it wasn’t, until people I worked with thought it was odd for me to order a table for one. Some of them refused to eat if they had to do it alone, but I wanted to eat and to not be bothered by conversation that was just banter. I could also be finished on my schedule rather than putting up with someone else’s agenda.
By now, I’d realized that if I ate alone, I didn’t have to mess with others during or afterwards. It started to become a pattern for me.
I also worked on the trade show tour, meaning you’d have to spend a week with people you never associated with back in your home city. It seemed obvious to me that I didn’t really want to eat with them, although protocol forced me to at times.
Since trade shows tended to be in towns with night life, like Las Vegas, at the end of the day the extroverts couldn’t wait to rev up to some drinking, gambling and other cavorting. I’ll get to that later.
As I transitioned to Analyst Relations, there were conferences that resembled the structure of a trade show. Work all day together and then be stuck in a city not home to anyone and most gravitated to socializing including eating together.
DRINKING
Alcohol is the grease in the gears of socializing. It turns introverts into extroverts if only even for a night. I did imbibe early in my career, but life decisions caused me to stop. It changed my socializing as dramatically as that decision.
I’d also gotten married by then and saw first hand the shenanigans that went on during travel. Almost 100% was fueled by drinking and nothing would have happened sober. So I looked at this as just another opportunity to be alone.
LET’S GO OUT!
At the end of the day in trade shows, in fact before the end of the day the topic of conversation was what bar, party, other place (strip club for some) they would all go to. While still a reader and having my social battery worn down by the end of the day (and knowing I’d have to face these people the next day(s)), I had to think of an escape to be alone. It of course was to recharge and to get away from people if only for a short time.
My counter offer was who wants to work out. I’d wait until they were neck deep in wanting to order their first drink so I knew full well I’d be rebuffed. Never once did anyone take me up on it. By then, my goal was to eat alone, not to accidentally wind up that way.
Now, even though I’m retired, I actively try to eat alone on travel, but also at home. I enjoy the nightly meal with the family left in my house, but I’m still as happy to read while eating. It doesn’t seem strange to me, but my extrovert friends and family don’t and never will get it.
Things I’ve learned.
Being an introvert, I tend to notice a lot of details about people. I’m at the gym a few times a week and thanks to my health plan, I belong to multiple gyms. These observations are the same though.
CLOTHES AND DRESSING
No matter what the media tries to tell us about gender identity, males are distinctly different than females (no shit Sherlock). It’s a fashion show for the girls. They dress up in multiple layers, wear makeup and are far more concerned about their looks than the guys.
Sure, I occasionally catch a meathead trying to see how big his biceps are in the mirror, but they check out their form. Girls are looking at their hair, asses, outfits and other girls who might be the competition for best dressed, prettiest or some other bauble more desirable than what they are wearing.
Speaking of clothes, I can tell just how far a girl is into her workout by the state of her clothes. They mostly start with some form of sweats covering up everything. It is still somewhat suggestive as a shoulder is showing or the top is cut to the midriff, but mostly it is discreet to start.
As the workout progresses, various layers of clothes come off. I get that you work up a sweat, but the truth is that most of them are looking at their phone or talking more than working out (except on the cardio machines). Not a one of them has a bead of sweat on them and the a/c is close to meat locker in there. It is part of the show. So full sweats, just starting. Just the sweat top, mid workout. If they are down to their matching top and bottom, accessorized with matching socks, shoes, phone, scrunchie, earphones and other, it’s near the end or over 30 minutes into their routine.
Let me say that there is no way they don’t know they are putting on a show. They look at themselves far too much for it not to be. Frequently, the outfits are so small and revealing that constant adjustment must be made to not let something slip out. Their clothes aren’t hiding anything anymore anyway.
The guys are likely to come in wearing anything. It’s in levels of fashion spanning decades of styles with matching unkempt hair. They do rival the girls for most tattoo’s though. Looking their best is not at the top of the list of most of the guys I notice.
I’m in a college town and these girls are in the prime of their lives. Their bodies are in shape just for waking up. Time will take it’s toll on them like it does with everyone, but this is the best they are going to be.
LEARNING HOW TO USE YOUR BODY, EXPERIENCE IS EVERYTHING
It’s a shame that life is the way it is. You haven’t explored your abilities or learned enough about what you can do to make the most of yourself. Take sex for example. Just because you have one set of equipment or the other doesn’t mean you know how to use it yet. It takes practice and discovery to really be good at it. Very few who look their best are good in the sack. Conversely, when you figure most things out about you and how to take care of the other person, you’ve used up the years where you were in your prime without knowing it. I digress.
I listen to some of the conversations (because I can’t drown it out with my noise cancelling earbuds) and the discussion is benign and childish. It’s the same thing with your sex equipment. Just because you look great and have what guys want certainly doesn’t make you smart or interesting. I wonder to myself if I was stuck with one of these girls, what the hell would I even be able to talk about. I can’t listen to their droning on about their inexperienced and uneducated lives. The depth of their knowledge wouldn’t cover your feet in the pool of life. It hasn’t happened enough to them in life to really know about much yet. Once they learn, the prime of their physical life is over.
I’m not giving a lot of the guys a pass either, but they don’t talk much so it’s mostly about what set they are on and what body part they are working on. It gives no indication of their education or ability to be interesting conversationally.
The other thing I like to notice is who people remind me of. Nearly every time I’m there, I see someone who reminds me of a person I’ve met in life. I give them names in my head of that person. It also makes me think of how they will look when life takes it’s toll on their bodies and looks. Who is going to get an expanding back porch. Who is getting a gut. Who’s hair is falling out and what other ailment is going to happen when they get older.
I think about other things that bother the heck out of me a lot more than what others look like, when I have to use the public toilet for example. That happened to me at the gym recently.
People are interesting. I’d rather look at them than talk to them it seems. The gym is certainly the place for people watching. If I was busy talking, I’d never stop to notice or think about these things, but that is the introvert life.
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10) 110% of men use the force to open automatic doors
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18) It’s a Palomar knot, for those who fish
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How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
I’ve only learned later in life to prioritize myself for my mental sanity. A lot of my life growing up was not saying no enough it was a price I paid while growing up.
The goal I think of here is trying to set boundaries. If I’d have done it earlier in life, a lot of crap I deal with now wouldn’t be still bothering me.
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
I have spatial awareness and can see how things fit together. Also, as an introvert, I can read people through their body language I’ve had these all my life, but became cutely aware of them as I grew older.
What activities do you lose yourself in?
Let’s see, over the years it’s been fishing, hunting, karate, racing, tennis, Biking, and then there was kids and Life, and other stuff, and the next thing I knew I’ve lived in seven decades. I mostly do introvert stuff now so I get lost in my mind a lot.
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I don’t use them, on purpose. I think they are a childish. I write out stuff. I also don’t LOL, OMG or any other stuff in real life.
There are times that I think people don’t want to talk, so they put something out there that means I’ll let you go or best wishes (read I don’t want to have to say what I really mean, like I don’t want to talk).
Sure, I get them from everyone, but I think if you are over 50, or a guy, you shouldn’t be doing this. It seems like playing with dolls, but then that is just me.
This post and the link about saying Ha! on a text are about the same person. A girl over 60 who thought it was cute. Act like an adult, you are a physician for Pete’s sake.
I listened to a comic talking about his wife. It started like the title. We were on the beach getting fucked up and his wife said they needed to do something. His response was we are doing something, we’re getting fucked up on the beach. Nothing is something if you want to relax, only not for extroverts.
I have a family that can’t sit still. Going on vacation is a relay race of the next thing to do which for an introvert, results in me burning my candle to a nub and running out of social battery. Just the planning alone, which consists of a ton of stuff that will never happen just to go through every option. It is mentally exhausting. I’m toast before it even starts. When none of the plans might get done, I’m already burnt and nothing has even started. It gets these extroverts wound up with excitement and inevitably leads to disappointment as it rarely meets expectations. Then there is the discussion afterwards as to why it wasn’t as great as the plans. It was the build up of unrealistic expectations.
I want to get away and not have to do something, all the damn time. When it is over the way they do it, I need a vacation from taking a vacation.
If I can relax, I always meet my expectations and am almost always recharged, what a vacation should be. It meets my expectations when I do it their way also, I’m burnt out before it begins.
Now, this:
The pendulum is swinging away from jam-packed trips and Instagram-worthy adventures and toward vacations with little to write home about beyond a pretty sunset and a cold drink.
More vacationers say they want a true break to rest and recharge during their time off. Their do-nothing vacations have no schedule. These aren’t beach trips that involve surfing or kayaking, or foodie tours requiring hours of research—and decision fatigue.
“Rest and relaxation” jumped ahead of having “a fun time” and spending “time with immediate family” as the main motivator for leisure travel, according to a nationally representative February survey of 1,000 U.S. travelers from Longwoods International, a market-research firm. Rest and relaxation rose to 21% from 17% between the September and February surveys.
All-inclusive resorts are helping travelers meet this need. Bookings for Apple Leisure Group all-inclusive properties in the Americas, which include Secrets resorts and spas, are up 11% thus far in the first quarter of 2024 compared with the same period last year, a Hyatt spokesman said. Hyatt is the parent company of Apple Leisure Group.
In the why didn’t I think of this, I did. It’s how I want to relax, by not having to do everything, or anything really.
I’m trying to get them to go without me as much as possible
Delusions of Adequacy 
