You tell me because I was never in a gang. I’ve found the other and had to explain it to kids during the sex talk.
More Pi Day Humor
The Enterprise NCC-1701 Being Built, And Being Built Today!
Well, not yet. I wish this was the real story instead of what I wake up and read in the news.
I also wish Star Trek hadn’t gone woke. It ruined Star Wars, Marvel and many other franchises that used to be fun to watch.
Live long and prosper.
Gilligan’s Island, The Epitaph
It was a good TV show when I was a kid. My Mom dreaded that I watched such nonsense and that it would certainly ruin me. I didn’t get any smarter by watching the show. It provided me with clean entertainment as compared to the woke TV the kids get now.
There were some things that didn’t make sense.
The professor could charge batteries for their radio by stirring coconuts, but couldn’t fix the Minnow?
Finally, my answer. It was Ginger, My how things have changed…
She’s the only one of the cast left
Yes! Kids Come Through Again With Classroom Projects Looking Like A Nut Sack
Mine would have wrinkles drawn on them. If it were 3D, they would move on their own for no reason.
Another Pennywise Warning, Post Valentine’s….If You Get IT
Like Valentines Day, it is a clown show.
I Dialed This Number 100+ Times As A Kid, How Far Tech Has Come
back then it was 422-1611, I’ll never forget it.
Go Ahead, Try To See If You Can See The Lines Straight, No Chance
My eyes go crazy looking at this
A Day That Won’t Happen Like This Again – What A Way To End The Year
Stuff That Is Annoying To Look At
Let’s not forget the Europeans that wear socks with their sandals.
Written By Willie Make It, Illustrated by Betty Don’t
Another childhood book, like revenge of the tiger, but Claude Balls; Yellow River by I P Freely….there are hundreds of them
Hat tip to wirecutter.
I think her kids names are Beavis and Butt-head.
My Childish Humor Strikes Again
Oh yes, I could say it with a straight face, depending on the other person. I just texted my friend George that there were a lot of balls to juggle, instead balls in the air.
I still call them wiener’s if there is a chance the other person will feel uncomfortable.
Hat tip to wirecutter on this one. It was too good to not share.
Another Gotcha For Looking At This
The Webb Space Telescope Finds Romulan Neutral Zone
I’m sure it’s one of the wide diversity of galaxies at the beginning of the universe. If you see one of these buried in the pictures below, run. Look for a cloaking device also.
Actually, it the telescope took excellent photos from a long time ago.
New data from the Webb Space Telescope and presented this week at an astronomy conference has found that galaxies in the early universe exhibit much of the same range of shapes and morphologies seen in the recent universe, a result that was not expected.
The image to the right comes from the press release. You can read the research paper here [pdf].
The study examined 850 galaxies at redshifts of z three through nine, or as they were roughly 11-13 billion years ago. Associate Professor Jeyhan Kartaltepe from Rochester Institute of Technology’s School of Physics and Astronomy said that JWST’s ability to see faint high redshift galaxies in sharper detail than Hubble allowed the team of researchers to resolve more features and see a wide mix of galaxies, including many with mature features such as disks and spheroidal components.
“There have been previous studies emphasizing that we see a lot of galaxies with disks at high redshift, which is true, but in this study we also see a lot of galaxies with other structures, such as spheroids and irregular shapes, as we do at lower redshifts,” said Kartaltepe, lead author on the paper and CEERS co-investigator. “This means that even at these high redshifts, galaxies were already fairly evolved and had a wide range of structures.”
The results of the study, which have been posted to ArXiv and accepted for publication in The Astrophysical Journal, demonstrate JWST’s advances in depth, resolution, and wavelength coverage compared to Hubble. Out of the 850 galaxies used in the study that were previously identified by Hubble, 488 were reclassified with different morphologies after being shown in more detail with JWST. Kartaltepe said scientists are just beginning to reap the benefits of JWST’s impressive capabilities and are excited by what forthcoming data will reveal.
“This tells us that we don’t yet know when the earliest galaxy structures formed,” said Kartaltepe. “We’re not yet seeing the very first galaxies with disks. We’ll have to examine a lot more galaxies at even higher redshifts to really quantify at what point in time features like disks were able to form.”
In other words, it appears galaxies of all shapes, as we see them today, already existed 11-13 billion years ago, shortly after the universe was born. This defies most theories about the formation of the universe, which predict that these early galaxies would be different than today’s.
The data however at this point is sparse. Webb has only begun this work, and as Kartaltepe notes, they need to look a lot more galaxies.
A Double High IQ Humor – Astrophysics And Sarcasm Style
Happy World Introvert Day
May we celebrate together, but alone and separately. Talk to you tomorrow because I’m not talking today.
It’s my favorite holiday after just suffering through Christmas and New Years. I can be alone today. Somewhere out there (although probably quiet) my fellow souls finally have some joy. It’s doubtful others will hear about it as we don’t boast, and other times you can’t get a word in edge wise for all the yapping.
I know and so do others.
PS, I’m not an INFJ.
This next one is me. I’m always in the back, next to the door so I can leave if I need to escape or panic
Irony, Star Trek Style
Christmas Sarcasm, For Those Who Remember The Fake Words
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the bat mobile lost a wheel and the commissioner broke his leg.
We 3 kings from Orient are, tried to smoke a rubber cigar. It was loaded it exploded that was the end of us.
I’m sure there were others.
Competitive Eating Update, When Joey Chestnut Sharted His Pants
Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has been one of my favorite sports for years, since Kobayashi was king. My wife thinks it is one of the grossest competitions ever held, adding to my enjoyment.
I heard an interview with Joey Chestnut about taking a dump the next day after downing 70 hot dogs. I’ve wondered about that also.
What I didn’t know was that he’s done it while competing. Gross I know, but it didn’t stand in the way of him winning.
At least he’s honest about it.
High IQ Humor – Stoner Style
High IQ Humor, Teacher Style
This would be me, but not because of science. I’d try to knock the end one off the swing.
High IQ Humor – Chemistry Style
How Bad Metaverse Actually Sucks: 6 people showed up to The EU’s $400,000 Party (In The Metaverse)
Here is the key sentence.
Even before the empty gala, internal staff had their doubts about such methods, according to a report by Devex citing anonymous interviews; staff described it as “Digital garbage,” and “depressing and embarrassing.”
The link to the article is below, but when you think your s**t doesn’t stink, you usually wind up sitting in it. Zuck is in a Mt. Everest pile right now.
I guess he didn’t live through Second Life, or is behind on his FPS games reality wise. That’s a lot closer to what kids want.
He’s got the money to waste, let him. It’s costing the employees with layoffs, delayed hiring and cuts in perks. Welcome to the real world.
Everyone in the world other than him can see it’s a loser. Even if they gave the $1000 headsets away for free, many get sick wearing them. A lot of people just aren’t ready for this outside of early adopters.
When I can do what they do in the Ironman movies in 3D, I’ll consider it then.
Here’s the story:
The EU commission has tried and failed to be “down with the kids.”
The commission’s foreign aid department threw a virtual “gala” on Tuesday night, having spent €387,000 (about $400,000) on developing their metaverse platform, in an attempt to attract the interest of young people. Only six showed up.
According to one of the only attendees, Devex correspondent Vince Chadwick, it was an immediate flop and he was the only one left after “several bemused chats” with the “roughly five other humans” who briefly joined.
Chadwick shared a short clip on [hotlink]Twitter[/hotlink] showing multi-coloured paperclip-shaped avatars dancing on a stage next to a tropical beach. “Is anybody out there?” read one message on the screen. “The concert is just the same DJ spinning the same music,” said another.
Struggling in its early days, the metaverse space is part of an expensive plan designed to promote the EU commission’s Global Gateway Initiative, which aims to spend $300 billion by 2027 building new infrastructure in developing countries, and the official trailer was dropped on their social media in mid-October.
The platform is supposed to be a new way to explore the Initiative “through a series of ‘hero’ stories in a virtual environment,” according to the commission.
Users can find information through stories played on video screens around the tropical island on which it is set, while encountering other unusual additions such as an open book art installation on a liquid floor, drones that carry screens flashing words such as “education” and “public health,” and the ability to walk on water.
A spokesperson said the project aims to “increase awareness of what the EU does on the world stage,” targeting young people in particular who spend their time on TikTok and [hotlink]Instagram[/hotlink], and who are “neutral about the EU” and “not typically exposed to such information.”
I Might Have To Spice Up My Own Funeral
I’m not dying that I know of, but if I was, this would be the last piece of sarcasm I’d leave behind.
If I Was A Gardner, I’d Do This
I once timed a resignation to my birthday as a present to myself. I can be this childish though. My sense of humor allows it.
Nose Hair Extensions, They’ve Taken It Too Far This Time
Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.
And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…
Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.
I Might Watch SNL For The First Time In Years
The snowflake SJW woke little crybabies in NY are so hurt by words that they won’t support one of the best comedians since Richard Pryor.
People that won’t do their jobs should be fired. Then hire un-woke funny writers.
I can’t take the woke crap and Trump bashing. If it were funny, I’d watch like I used to.
With these children gone for a week and Chapelle hosting, it has a chance of being good tonight.
For the rest of the staff, work or be fired.
Star Trek Stuff That Is True
I thought they made up Antares and Rigel systems. Who knew they were real when I was a kid in the 60’s.
Check out how small the Sun is though.
Clearly missing here of course is Ceti Alpha 5 and 6. For Wrath Of Khan fans, you know what I’m referring to. The Botany Bay.
More On The Gender Neutral Bathroom We Grew Up With
I would love to say that, or to the people at the bottom that they are at the dickhead.
I know I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old. It’s one of the better things about me.
Middle Age Summed Up, And Yes It’s True
1 and 2 yes.
3 no because I exercise a lot
4 includes medicine
5 been happening for decades
6 worn glasses forever it seems
7 and 8 are expected, but I’ve been in software a long time so no biggie other than what to do while it’s happening
9 Hell, I won’t make a Dr appointment that early and I’ve been up for a while
10 I keep wondering if I’ll break my day record for this every week
12 The one problem on the list I don’t have
The Gender Neutral Bathroom
While this is a piece of modern art depicting the world as a cesspool, It is how I feel when I go to do laps after kids have been in the pool.
I fear the adults do it also as I know the competitive swimmers all admitted it.
Stuff I Want At My Funeral
A good cat fight, subject unnecessary.
Hat tip to wirecutter.
When You Are A True Hero To Girls, They Name A Street After You
OK, Why Did They Need To Put This Warning Sign On It?
The Picture Writes It’s Own Headline, I Can’t Top It
Star Trek Humor – Spock Style
Kobayashi Maru anyone?
Another Wile E. Coyote Sighting
Stethoscope, Motorboat, What’s The Difference
Just let me listen a bit longer.
Engine starting, for those who get it.
More Marital Advice, See Me For Other Solutions
Don’t do this.
Or try to be tech support for your spouse.
Sure, Men Only Care About One Thing, Guess What It Is:
Take that bit of sarcasm and irony.
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Whatever you want, unless you can be Batman. Always be Batman.
Stranded, Sittin’ On The Toilet Bowl
If any of you remember Weird Al Jankovic’s version of Branded.
I’ve had this happen to me in Europe. I was prepared, but others not so much.
A Sad Day In The Blogging World
Denny Wilson, aka Grouchy old Cripple passed away.
We worked together at IBM and crossed paths in the Blogoshpere.
Behind the scenes, we shared war stories about the assholes that ruined IBM as well as different assholes who are ruining America.
Publicly, he wrote very funny stuff and was right on about it.
He’ll be missed.
Saturdays were my favorite with him. His last Asshole of the week was President *.
Working With What You Got
More Marriage Humor – See Me For More Tips
To be fair, telling me to calm down is lighting the fuse next to the explosive also.
An Idea That Will Make Me A Millionaire, The Jabbed Males Are Becoming Infertile
There aren’t a lot of us around that can do this. I wonder if they’ll lend a helping hand.
Because, it turns out that the jab can make you infertile or give you ED.
Pfizer’s “Vaccine” Causes Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility – Men Have Not Been Informed nor Given Their Consent
Pfizer’s mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine, in Fact, Cause an Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility
On June 22, 2022, Andrology published a bombshell study  – which did not even include the effects of additional booster injections – showed a staggering drop in male fertility, with an average decrease of 22.1% across the study group, from the initial injections alone.
The investigators studied participants for five months after they received Pfizer’s vaccine. At close to six months post-vaccination, sperm concentration, motility, and total motile count were all still in significant states of decline versus pre-vaccination levels. Sperm concentration had not recovered at all and was, in fact, at its lowest point yet.
Despite these alarming outcomes, the published study went on to encourage vaccination.
Alarmingly, men continue to receive incomprehensibly contradictory messages, being told to keep injecting the mRNA vaccines even when the study that contains these exhortations, clearly demonstrates adverse fertility results – for men.
Conspiracy Theorists About Covid, The Election, The Jab, Ivermectin, The FBI, The DOJ, WEF, And On, And On………
It’s been going on for a while, but the conspiracy theorists have been right since about 2015.
Then came Covid and they used every childish behavior possible to shame us or in some cases force some into the jab.
Those of us who saw what was going on were never fooled, only biding our time.
You’d better start listening to what they have to say, before those in the title get their way. As Ironman said to Captain America…
YOU’RE NOT WRONG
Proof that the CDC is deliberately ignoring the safety signals from the COVID vax
FOIA Uncovers ATF and Legacy Media Working Together (thanks Wirecutter for this)
And of course, the UN is on top of the current lies with “We own the science” You own the conspiracy, the Science stands on it’s own.
It’s endless. I could add to this all day and never be done.
Gonna Start My Week Off Like A Champion
Champion, Dick Champion
How Old I Am, I Was 9 For 10 On These Jingles
But, I remembered I am stuck on Band-Aids because…..
However, I forgot why I was in a room twice yesterday.
Short shorts was a Godsend for a young hormonal man. Of course, childishness set in on sometimes you feel like a nut, which should have been next to number 8
Low IQ Humor, Time Wasting Style
This is like me getting stuck looking (and laughing) at meme’s. Also me being a guy and being in my nothing box for hours.
Separated At Birth, Monica Lewinsky and Flo From Progressive
Bonus, both of them together courtesy of wirecutter.
My New Swear Jar
I either do it now, or write it down. The option to that is forgetting.
Hi IQ Humor – Toyota Style
Marital Humor – Star Trek Style
Star Trek Humor – Red Shirt Style
Two Completely Different Versions Of The Same Story – Proof That Sex Sells
It was every man’s fantasy. I was going to be in a den of women I’d never met and I’d never see again. They were there just for me during my time. It was something I needed to do before I die and did.
Here is the same story told from alternate points of view.
VERSION ONE, WITH THE SEX STUFF
I went there with a little anticipation. The whole thought of what I knew was going to happen set my nerves on fire. After all, even though I’ve been with many women, I’d never done this before. The first time for anything can be both a little unnerving and get you worked up simultaneously.
As I walked in, I was greeted by the first of the lovely ladies I would meet that day. She led me to where the whole thing was going to go down.
I had a seat and was told the ladies who would attend to my needs would come and welcome me to our private soiree. I saw that it was going to be two on one today.
While the tension was building, I had that tingling sensation between my legs, anticipating what was soon to happen.
In only a short time, I was ready to get started as Penelope and Kelly came out and took me to the back room. Their faces were hidden from me and I wondered if this was kinky or did they do this for everyone. Despite me being nervous, Penelope told me that they were experienced and there was nothing for me to worry about. She then told me to take off my clothes and lie back and enjoy what she’d done many times before. They even had my private bed clothes laid out for me to change into before we got down to business.
I have to admit, my heart began to race as I was going to be vulnerable at the hands of two women I’d only just met. Wanting to get on with it, I gladly laid down as they came over. The clothes didn’t fit as well as I wanted, but I figured that they would come off soon so it didn’t matter. I was far more interested in what they were about to do to me versus that what I looked like. I’d be looking at their faces between my legs anyway.
And so it began.
Penelope started first. There was a little small talk as she applied a generous amount of lubricant and reached up the sheet. It made it all the way to my manhood and it felt warm to the touch.
For 15 minutes, she went back and forth and up and down, slowly and sometimes stopping. She talked to me softly and told me everything she was going to do to me. Before she finished with me, she asked me if Kelly could join us. When I said yes, this is what I saw between my legs. Penelope guided Kelly’s hand to the same place and told her how to move it up and down then side to side. She made sure that no place was left untouched. I was watching 2 women’s hands doing their magic together.
Like all things, we finished and the girls left. I was alone to clean up, get dressed and be on my way, never to set eyes on either again. I knew this was probably a one time experience.
I walked away knowing a good thing happened. I didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt nor did I think I’d cheated. I even paid for this and didn’t mind.
OK, HERE’S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
I had to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound on my boys. They gave me an old gown to wear. The technicians had N-95 masks on as did I so I never saw their faces. One was the lead and the other was a student who needed instruction on where to move the ultrasound wand.
I was covered up the whole time and was uncomfortable given what was happening.
The other version sounded way more interesting to me than what really happened.
Things You Can’t Pull Apart – Unless You Are Worthy
I’ve finally learned not to stack buckets.
How High Are Gas Prices?
You gotta admit, that’s pretty fricken’ high in that picture. It’s just like the price of gas, which is still way over $1 from just 2 years ago, when we were energy independent.
That reminds me of the song, Roll Me Up And Smoke Me When I Die, with both of these gentlemen singing. Enjoy.
High IQ Humor, Carnival Style
Or geometry, take your pick. Circle back when you get it.
High IQ Humor – Grammar Style
Childhood Games – Car Pool, With The Car Doors
After reaching both puberty and achieving my drivers license, we drove around and made up games. It was sort of like video games in real life.
Everyone has been in a car and someone scores a target based on how many points you get if you open the door by driving and hit them, or just hit them with the car. Before you gasp, this was teenage boys showing off without ever following through. It garnered a good laugh and we always did the same. We drove past the target and counted the score based on who called it first. No lives were lost that I know of.
But here were the rules…..
Old People or disabled – no score as they moved slow and are too easy to hit
Mooning old people – extra points if they grab their heart and gasp (ok, we really did this one)
Young couples or families – a double score, but still low as the kids are like old people, slow and easy
Regular pedestrians – multiple score if you get more than one
All of these are walkers, and aren’t much of a challenge. For higher scores, move on to….
Bikers – A fairly high score as they are a moving target and satisfying if they are holding up traffic. This can only be scored with an open door as hitting with a car wouldn’t be a challenge. The faster the biker, the higher the points. Multiple bikers garners a multiple score, like a 7-10 split.
Motorcycles – A very high score as they are fast. A lower but more satisfying score if you open the door while stopped in traffic and catch one cutting between cars.
Animals -no score as you should lose points if you hurt one. They don’t know you are playing a game.
Practice – revving your car while stopped before someone crosses the sidewalk, then waving them to cross as you keep revving. The smart ones will just say no and not cross.
Seriously, A Coochie Sandwich?
What’s next, tuna casserole? A sideways sloppy Joe?
High IQ Humor – Desert Style
Sure I’m immature and think that below the belt humor is funny. People have even stopped asking me if I’m ever going to grow up. I think this post re-confirms that.
For my Canadian friends, more of the same.
Star Trek Humor
High IQ Humor – Star Trek Style
Another Way To Say F*cked Around And Found Out
I guess this was Shakespeare’s version.
This is for the vax damaged and covidiots who are getting boosted. I’ve burnt out on Covid since the truth is coming out so posting has been light.
I’m looking for the next thing to discover what TPTB are doing to us, like the election coming up……maybe.
High IQ Humor – Spelling Style
How much did the brain (brian) evolve?
Wedding Bouquet Fail, Again, This Time The Man Version
More Pennywise Humor, For Those Who Get It
What Makes A Good Day For An Introvert?
Beware Of Pennywise – For Those Who Get It
High IQ Humor, If You Can Laugh At Yourself
Sex On Father’s Day
Happy Father’s Day, Awkward Style
I’ll never out do last year, but here goes.
Edith Wharton On Being Happy
“If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.”
Try dumping social media also. That makes everyone happier.
Why Top Gun Is A Success, And The Woke Are Offended
First, here’s the status of it’s success:
With a domestic take nearing $300 million after only ten days in release, Top Gun: Maverick continues to prove the obvious: moviegoers of all ages will show up in droves if you entertain and inspire us.
Per the far-left Deadline:
Moviegoers aren’t losing that loving feeling for Top Gun: Maverick this weekend as the movie is destined to become Tom Cruise’s top-grossing movie ever at the domestic box office with $273.6M. The 3x Oscar nominee’s previous high earning title was Steven Spielberg’s 2005 sci-fi title War of the Worlds at $234M.
Top Gun 2 is expected to beat War of the Worlds on Saturday; the Joseph Kosinski-directed sequel eyeing a second Friday of $20M, -61% against last Friday (+ previews) on its way to a 3-day of $68M, -46%. Some rival studios see it much higher, but again, it’s still early.
A second-weekend hold of just -46 percent [UPDATE: -32 percent] is extraordinary. Most blockbusters dip 60 percent or better. In other words, Top Gun: Maverick has real legs and is almost certainly benefiting from repeat business.
Leftists are already mad that a non-woke movie that doesn’t violate human nature with woke lectures, woke perversion, woke revisionism, and woke emasculation, is not only breaking records but being embraced by wingnuts like me.
Why People Love It
Look at that last paragraph. The world has woke fatigue. In war, it’s almost always men fighting, but that is the woketard’s biggest target. They hate the reality of who are hero’s and do the dirty work of war. It’s really a picture of reality.
We love a hero that swoops in to save the day. Throughout history, it’s not the woke who put their lives on the line, it’s guys with big balls, like Maverick.
It is indeed true that Top Gun: Maverick does not go out of its way to celebrate inclusion and diversity in the sometimes-cloying, corporate way most closely associated with various Disney properties.
Bingo! We don’t go to the movies to celebrate inclusion and diversity because inclusion and diversity are fucking stupid. We’re Americans. We don’t dwell on our differences, especially differences as shallow as skin color. Instead, we come together as one to get the job done.
Themes drive good movies. “Inclusion” and “diversity” are not themes. Instead, they’re buzzwords spouted by smug, over-educated, shallow bullies whose self-esteem is based on everything but character and integrity.
To prove my point, here are hero oriented movies, but change the character from male to anything.
Woke Movies That Failed
- Woke West Side Story: Flop
- Woke Eternals: Flop
- Woke In the Heights: Flop
- Woke Wonder Woman1984: Flop
- Woke Charlie’s Angels: Flop
- Woke Men In Black International: Flop
- Woke Birds of Prey: Flop
- Woke Ghostbusters 3: Flop
- Woke The 355: Flop.
- Woke Terminator Dark Fate: Flop
- Woke Oscars: flop
- Woke Netflix: Stock tanking
- Woke Groomers at Disney: Stock tanking
- Woke Star Wars: Doornail dead as a film franchise.
How many franchises, including Star Wars — woke has been so rejected it killed freakin’ Star Wars! — have to commit Woke Suicide before these morons smell the coffee? It’s Kathleen Kennedy who killed both Star Wars and is killing Marvel for the sake of not having men as hero’s and replacing them in the same story with woke losers.
But, as we all know, they smell the coffee just fine.
It’s admitting to what the coffee smells like that they don’t have the moral courage to admit.
Monkey Pox Test Developed – Foolproof
It Looks Like I Finally Managed To Piss Off The Censors
I regularly post about the tragedy that is social media, how government mishandled Covid, that Gates and Fauci are power grabbing beta males and the worst sin of all, saying Covid came from Wuhan.
I have enjoyed posting the dangers of the jab, because meatheads I know can’t believe that I’ve proved it’s poison.
It turned out that I was both ahead of the curve on a lot of things
I predicted it would take it’s toll on my traffic and it did. I still get hits from China watching me properly place blame on their policies and human rights, but the big G search engine didn’t like it at all.
I also got banned by Facebook searches which regularly borrowed my memes. I detailed how to delete fake book many times and why you should do it.
All of that has cut me to about 10% of my usual traffic.
Now, ask me if I care? Why I don’t is that I write this for me. I get my thoughts out there in writing. Being introverted, I’d rather communicate that way rather than orally.
Will I stop? Not a chance. I’m having too much fun lampooning the mistakes.
Heck, the election season is not really in full swing. I can’t wait.
And Women Wonder Why We Grab Our Junk
Euphemisms for Stupid
This is the first update in a while, but it was well worth it. If I missed one, please comment and I’ll include it.
If one of these offends you, take the complaints elsewhere, I’m the one that got dissed here.
A beer short of a six pack
A brick short of a load
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen
A couple of gallons short of a full tank
A few ants short of a picnic
A few beers short of a six-pack
A few bricks short of a pile
A few bricks short of a wall
A few cards short of a deck
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few feathers short of a whole duck
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
A few peas short of a casserole
A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce
A few trucks short of a convoy
A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner
A pepperoni short of a pizza
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on
A sandwich short of a picnic
A train short of a full service?
About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb.
About as useful as a chocolate fireguard
Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride; a little light in the
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools
As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac
As smart as bait
As smart as Joe Biden
As useful as a screen door on a submarine
As useful as a wooden frying pan
As useful as tits on a bull
Body by God, Mind by Mattel.
Bright as Alaska in December
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Could screw up a one car funeral
Doesn’t have both oars in the water
Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in one box
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice
Donated his body to science before he was done using it
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
Dumber than a bag of rocks
Dumber than a lobotomized rock
Elevator don’t quiet make the top floor
Fell out of the family tree
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Goes surfing in Nebraska
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching
Gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
This is the one —> Has delusions of adequacy.
Has two brains, one’s lost and the other is out looking for it
Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool.
He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg.
He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart.
He played too much without a helmet
He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut
He’s got a leak in his think-tank
He’s got a mind like a steel sieve
He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer
He’s so dense light bends around him
He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour the water out of a boot if the instructions
were on the heel
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
His cheese has slipped off his cracker
His porch light ain’t on
I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice
If brains were chocolate – he wouldn’t have enough to fill an M&M
If brains were dynamite – he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off
If brains were gasoline, he couldn’t ride a moped around a fruit loop
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
If he had a brain, he’d be dangerous
If he had another brain, it would be lonely
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted
If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change back
If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders
Isn’t firing on all thrusters
Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock
Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp
Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.
Mind is in neutral, body is in gear
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needing a few screws tightened
Not firing with all spark plugs
Not the brightest light in the harbor
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box
Off his rocker
On/off switch is broken in the off position
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One neuron short of a synapse
One taco short of a combination plate
One turbine short of an airplane
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests
Prime candidate for natural deselection
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Requires directions to lay sod
Room temperature IQ
Running about a quart low
Running on empty
Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she
had two guesses.
She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or
She’s not tied too tight to the pier
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
The elevator is stuck between floors.
The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming
The lights are on, but nobody is home.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window
Too many yards between the goal posts
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Warning – Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby
Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle.
Your the flower of my life (you blooming idiot)
You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world.
Your mouth is writing checks that your intellect cannot cash
One of my favorite Far Side Cartoon’s ever
Ah, Wedding Bouquet Toss Failure Again
If I plan it right, I’m gone way before this happens.
My Secret Power, If I Was Still Working
A lot of meetings suck and are just a dick measuring contest. I posted Why Meetings are a wasted of time and how to get out of them a while back.
I wanted to choke the shit out of a lot of people. Just click either work or IBM in the tag cloud to the right.
There are some people that deserve this and I’m the one that would deliver it to them, especially Sandy Carter, but that would be a long line to wait in.
There are some people I’d force choke their balls instead to end their tirades or whatever nonsense they were bringing to the table. They’ agree to my point a lot faster.
I’d use the Jedi mind trick to get people to do stuff also, like give me a raise or stop giving me a hard time.
Like a lot of things, it’s probably better for the world that I’m not a force wielder. There are too many dark side things that need doing to some people.
Since I don’t have the force, I have to settle for my usual super power.
Peeing In The Men’s Room, The Unwritten Rule We All Know
And, you if by chance you do break the next rule of look ahead and not at the other guy, you only are allowed to look each other in the eyes.
Guys learn this without being taught. No matter what socially/politically correct spew that comes out of their mouths outside the bathroom door, once you enter the rules are the same for everyone, everywhere.
If you are spatially aware (like a Seal or Spook), you go to the stall where you can’t get attacked from behind, but that is skill level 10 for dangerous people.
I Was Always A Captain America Fan Anyway……
New Pets, Sort Of
I wrote about the death of a pet last fall hoping that Spring would bring this day for me. I was sorry to see Fred go.
In one week I have a new spider and will have baby birds that I get to watch. I noticed the sparrow on the ground gathering nest material in the field outside of my house. I wondered where the nest was, only to find later in the day that it was just outside of my kitchen window.
I named her Wilma after a little sister in my Fraternity. I don’t think she’d appreciate it, but the spider reminded me of her. Only later did I realize the Fred and Wilma Flintstones connection. Fred was named for a guy I know from the town that I moved away from recently, not Fred Flintstone.
Here is the sparrow’s nest from this morning, sorry for the blurry picture, I had to zoom it in a long way:
I don’t think I’ll name them as they fly away. The spider will stay with me until almost Thanksgiving and will provide me entertainment every night until then. I will love it when the baby birds hatch.
Some pets are less personal than others, but these will be interesting and part of nature I don’t always get to watch.
Get Woke, Go Broke, Disney Style
I don’t think they will go broke really, but the stock value is down 33% after incorrectly interpreting a Florida bill and picking sides against the family. They have branded themselves the enemy of good, and what 98% of families are made up of, the 2 genders that they were born as.
Half the Disney people will love them for doing this because that is how the country is. They are losing the good people though.
Walt would turn in his grave with how his company is being run.