Anytime a government is giving you free stuff, they took your money and are giving part of it back to you.
My wife’s relatives in Denmark can’t wait to brag about free education and medical care and how much better it is than the US. They spend a lot of time trying to make their country better by bringing down the US (especially to me), only it’s not.
They always shop here as it is half the price like a lot of the EU.
I casually mention that they pay 70% income taxes and then VAT on that for their medical care. OBTW, you have to wait 6 weeks for a Dr’s appointment there and I had a kid who went to school there.
I got in to the Dr the same day 2 weeks ago.
I had a daughter go to school there.
The education in socialist countries was at least a year behind where she was in the US, so she didn’t have to work that hard. She was taking courses in her sophomore year that she took as a freshman.
Now for the US. Bernie loved to compare the US to Scandinavian systems.
The group of individuals trying to suck free stuff out of the US government are now prisoners of the very same. Working and doing what you want with your own resources is freedom. Very few actually need the handouts, or only need it a little while to get back on their feet.
Our government (the half currently in charge) wants as many people as possible on the dole. They control the people who take their money. How is this not a form of indentured servitude? Money for votes.
The administration before produced the lowest unemployment for all races and genders. That is freedom and that is the American Dream.
It’s a guy rule. You have to get all of the bags from car to house in one trip. Other stuff is seeing how far away the garage door opener will work from your house. If you can make a throw to the trashcan easily, you have to add difficulty to it like behind the back or use the other hand.
I find it funny when my family says stuff like, “everyone else is doing it, why don’t you want to?”. Or this one, “I always love to get together with others, what’s wrong with you?”. Don’t try to shame me into doing stuff. It hasn’t worked on me since I was a child.
Nothing is wrong with me. I’d rather not go to people events. I say what is wrong with you for not understanding others who are different to you?
Most of all, I’ve discovered that I don’t go to something if there isn’t an exit strategy for me if it sucks. I go to events I can’t get out of in 2 cars so I can go.
I almost always one of the first to leave as my social battery is on life support at this point in my life.
So go big or go home? How about stay home with my stuff and not have to put up with people being fake.
What does tomorrow mean to us? I thought about that today. It occurred to me that I don’t have as many tomorrows left. As endless as they used to be, I’d grab at a new handful of them. For now, I’m glad to have the next one. They grow fewer every day (sorry, I had to put that in)
When I was young, I never thought about tomorrow. It always came. Some took forever like when I cared about my birthday, and others flew by.
When something has an endless supply, the value is less. It’s economics. I never considered that I’d be working, or retired, or would have kids, a mortgage or any responsibility. Live for today. It was all about today. I had no real yesterday’s to learn from yet.
If I did think about tomorrow, it was the kid dream about being an astronaut or pilot (what I thought about).
That was so long ago and the days between now and then are so numerous that it seems, like another life for me. I’ve lived many different lives within the one I chronologically am still in.
I recall sitting in the classroom watching the clock ticking away. Tick, tick, tick towards when I’d be able to go home. Time was endless on those days, and this was just between 2 and 2:15 in elementary school. The only good tomorrow started on Friday.
By the time I got to college, I was aware that life was right around the corner. Still, I enjoyed the day without a care. I ignored that inevitable tomorrow. When it came, it was in the form of an exam, or a girlfriend or another event in life. It was finite and had little consequence as to what my next day held. Still, I had no real cares and a lot of what tomorrow brought was a new experience.
Letdowns started to happen, but the ocean of tomorrows never crossed my mind as I did stupid stuff. I think I lost a few tomorrows by taking too many risks. Somehow I survived and was able to live to the next day, always another tomorrow. It was expected.
Life marched on and I grew up, bought a home and started a family. Tomorrows always came, but now they came with other’s problems also. It wasn’t the carefree days when your kid is sick or in trouble. I didn’t have time to think about tomorrow as today brought 10 tons of manure in a 5 ton truck.
So much is happening in your life you take tomorrow for granted or you are too busy to think about anything but today. If you do, those thoughts are invaded with things you have to get done or do for others.
I did notice one thing. I was starting to have a lot of yesterday’s. Some of them happy and some sad. There were lessons learned on both.
The ocean of tomorrows was still seemingly full as it (now) quickly drained away.
The first reminders of fewer tomorrows happened here. Those you used to know have run out of tomorrows.
When you are young, say at a grandparents funeral, you can’t comprehend time not being endless for you. By middle age, you know it is closer, but most choose to ignore the reality of time slipping away.
Rarely, do tomorrows bring something new to me. Occasionally, I get a different version of something I’ve been through. I have many more yesterdays now than the number of tomorrows remaining.
The kids are grown. The mortgage is paid off. I no longer work. I’m among the oldest of my relatives now. It brought me to how many tomorrows there will be. Among those, how many will be good or bad? Will there be tough times?
I try to enjoy the days, even if the tasks are mundane. I have less patience for things that don’t seem meaningful to me. My meaningful scale has changed dramatically over life.
From time to time (becoming far too common), people I know run out of their tomorrows. As I sit at the funerals, life comes into perspective for me, at least the part on Earth.
Tomorrows aren’t endless. You only come with so many. Some have more than others and some enjoy them more than others.
Most of life’s struggles are over, except what happens when the tomorrow’s are running out.
Here’s hoping for another tomorrow, and that it doesn’t suck for me.
Of course there is the golf joke about the guy who played a round with his buddies shouting and laughing. After the round as they headed to the parking lot, he told them at the end to not talk to him. When asked why, he said he’s told his wife he’s been deaf for 5 years and he didn’t want to spoil it.
I had a lot of these growing up and made them more dangerous if possible. Instructions? If I read them, it didn’t mean I followed them.
Where were our parents? They bought us these killers and told us to go outside and play. I never had supervision other than don’t hurt the other kids, which was the point of all our games anyway.
I never had a Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab with real radiation.
In 1951, A.C. Gilbert introduced his U-238 Atomic Energy Lab, a radioactive learning set we can only assume was fun for the whole math club. Gilbert, who Americanmemorabilia claims was “often compared to Walt Disney for his creative genius,” had a dream that nuclear power could capture the imaginations of children everywhere. For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity.
After reaching both puberty and achieving my drivers license, we drove around and made up games. It was sort of like video games in real life.
Everyone has been in a car and someone scores a target based on how many points you get if you open the door by driving and hit them, or just hit them with the car. Before you gasp, this was teenage boys showing off without ever following through. It garnered a good laugh and we always did the same. We drove past the target and counted the score based on who called it first. No lives were lost that I know of.
But here were the rules…..
Old People or disabled – no score as they moved slow and are too easy to hit
Mooning old people – extra points if they grab their heart and gasp (ok, we really did this one)
Young couples or families – a double score, but still low as the kids are like old people, slow and easy
Regular pedestrians – multiple score if you get more than one
All of these are walkers, and aren’t much of a challenge. For higher scores, move on to….
Bikers – A fairly high score as they are a moving target and satisfying if they are holding up traffic. This can only be scored with an open door as hitting with a car wouldn’t be a challenge. The faster the biker, the higher the points. Multiple bikers garners a multiple score, like a 7-10 split.
Motorcycles – A very high score as they are fast. A lower but more satisfying score if you open the door while stopped in traffic and catch one cutting between cars.
Animals -no score as you should lose points if you hurt one. They don’t know you are playing a game.
Practice – revving your car while stopped before someone crosses the sidewalk, then waving them to cross as you keep revving. The smart ones will just say no and not cross.
An acquaintance’s father passed away a few years ago. He was an adjunct to a Five Star General in WWII and a press officer for IBM. He wrote his obituary and his funeral notice. It was spectacular. Not because it touted all that he had done, but that it was clear and concise. When my uncle died, I got that he was a pilot, but not much else and he did a lot of other things that would have been nice to hear.
It’s because someone else wrote his obituary. And there you have the key.
Write your own eulogy and find out what you want the world to know or not know about you. It’s harder than you think because you only have a short space to get in what are the highlights.
A BIGGER PROJECT
For me, it went to exploring the rest of my life and before I knew it, I’m writing about kindergarten or my 3rd job. No one will ever read it, but I finally found out that things like me being an introvert were there all along. My life would have been a lot easier if I’d have known the things I wrote. Sure, it’s hindsight, but the pattern was there. I wonder why it took me so long to see some things.
I remembered teachers (back to kindergarten), classmates, situations, jobs, life and so much that I couldn’t type fast enough. I knew I’d have to edit and re-edit for details and accuracy, but if I could remember it, I wrote it down. I forget a lot of stuff now anyway.
It fell out on the pages who was loyal or a back stabber to me. What was it that I expected or deliverd to friendships. Who I could count on and who I could count on to try to cause me difficulty or harm (mentally or physically).
I realized who was actually a friend and why, and who was passing through that time of my life, but didn’t remain. As I have said, there are a lot of characters in my autobiography who don’t make it to the end.
Guess what I haven’t finished yet. That’s right, the original project. I got so enthralled with trying to recall memories that sometimes would flood my mind, or that one deep memory that I hadn’t thought about in decades.
I’m going back to it as I need a break. It wasn’t just the writing, but having to re-experience feelings and situations that I’d buried were mentally taxing. I haven’t been blogging much as it has been overwhelming.
Why? You will find out more about yourself than you could imagine. You think you know who you are until you write about your warts and missteps, the awkward things you said that you wish you could take back. Why you react the way you do instead of being more effective, especially when you are protecting your inner self.
I found out who I was and why I act the way I have. I got to re-visit a lot of times in my life. While writing, I put myself back into the 6 or 12 year old to feel those times again the way they were, instead of how my mind changed them over the years. Then, I thought if that moment affected my life later. Most times the answer was yes.
There were times I couldn’t type fast enough and had to keep a separate list of all the things I needed to write about. Conversely, I didn’t want to go back after vomiting up memories, joys and pain, success and failures in my life. I didn’t want to write the pain, but it felt better after having said it.
I’ll keep the eulogy, but delete the life story, no one cares anyway other than me. I won’t care soon either.
I guess I’d better get around to that Eulogy now so the kids don’t screw it up.
I read Introvert Dear, most of which I agree with, but even introverts come in different flavors. Today they wrote an article that resonates with me.
When taking multiple personality tests, I always came up with the same 4 letters and the strongest was I (introvert), always. The rest define me also, but not for this post.
See 15 things Introverts want you to know, but might not tell you and look at networking events. They are the worst nightmare for us. Force a bunch of people together and let them talk about themselves until perhaps you might find something in common. That is hell for me. It’s like small talk, something else I loathe. I prefer the silence, almost every time.
Want to meet me and watch me talk passionately? I do stuff I am passionate about, and then find people who have that in common and we naturally connect, without the social pressure of being forced to.
Icebreakers are supposed to be “fun,” but many introverts absolutely dread these activities because they force them into the spotlight.
Being an introvert at work has always been hard, but most days I get by just fine by minding my own business. For the most part, I don’t mind my job, and sometimes I even enjoy it.
Except when it comes to staff meetings.
I’ve been lucky that most of my past jobs haven’t required weekly staff meetings, because honestly, I’m not sure I could handle that. My current job only has quarterly staff meetings, but they’re enough to drain me and stress me out.
In fact, the most recent one was so difficult that I’m still reeling from it.
It’s part of why I hate family reunions and holidays. It’s forcing people together, only some of whom want to be there.
These are extrovert rules forced on us in public.
Why Introverts Hate Icebreakers
Not all introverts hate icebreakers, but many of them do, especially introverts like me who suffer from anxiety. I’m sure there are some extremely confident and self-assured introverts out there who have no trouble speaking in front of a crowd, but that’s never been me. (me: I can do it but hate it and it’s an act when I have to do it. Hell, I hate being at a small gathering and having to act like you are interested, when in fact most times people are more interested in talking about themselves. It’s like a Facebook post to get the most likes by telling the good parts about your life).
Why do introverts tend to feel uncomfortable during icebreakers? For one, an icebreaker forces you to become the center of attention. Whereas extroverts may enjoy being in the spotlight, introverts may find it overwhelming. In general, introverts thrive in calm environments where there isn’t much stimulation. I can’t think of a more stimulating situation than a roomful of eyes watching your every move! For introverts, all this attention may simply put their nervous system in overdrive. (I hate Christmas for this).
Also, icebreakers are supposed to move quickly, so there’s little time to think about what you’re going to say or do. Although no one likes being caught off-guard, for introverts, it can be especially difficult to think of something to say on the fly. That’s because the introvert’s brain might be wired a little differently in this sense. According to Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert’s Advantage, we “quiet ones” may rely more on long-term memory as opposed to short-term or “working” memory, which makes us a little slower to gather our thoughts and speak out loud (it’s because we’re processing our thoughts and experiences deeply). Extroverts, on the other hand, may do the opposite. (Here’s the science.)
Personally, even when I come up with something to say, it never comes out quite the way I planned it in my head. I might stutter or stumble or mix up my words. In turn, this spikes my anxiety even more and leaves me feeling frazzled and embarrassed… all in front of people I work with… in a situation where I am trying to make a good impression. I know icebreakers are supposed to be “fun,” but I, like many introverts, absolutely dread them.
It’s been a point of contention when Covid hit whether to be jabbed or not. I procrastinated getting jabbed at first until I could figure out fact from fiction. I soon understood that the jab was poison (ex-Pfizer exec called it a bioweapon). I have years of studying Crisper-Cas research so I knew the science behind it does not have enough of a track record, nor any long term results to know the DNA damage.
I also watched the propaganda arm of the government trying to force it on everyone before approval. Once they said it was an emergency and bypassed FDA approval, then indemnified the Pharma companies from damage and death. How does this not add up to being wrong to every neuron of IQ on what to do? How did people not see that they were being coerced, manipulated with lockdowns and fed a pack of at best misinformation.
I then looked at what data was suppressed and why, what medications were working as an actual cure and why, and the jab effectiveness at preventing Covid.
For 2 years, it came down to me taking Ivermectin instead of getting jabbed and I have been unaffected until last week.
While moving to a new state, mixing with too many people finally caught up with both people in my house. We’ve both tested positive, but have taken 2 different directions in life on how to deal with it.
Backing up, I’m giving credit to God on this as an answer to prayer. I didn’t know what to do in the beginning. I finally made my decision and I believe God revealed to me what I should do. After that, my eyes were opened up to me knowing I was on the right path. My life was flooded by scientific information being actively suppressed by fake book, Google, Twitter and the rest of big Tech.
I’d also like to say thank you to Aaron Rodgers and Joe Rogan. Both went against the grain and didn’t get jabbed. They also took a beating for not being sheep, but proved the world wrong. They didn’t get cancelled, but not from lack of trying. Both got Covid and in less than a week for both it was over. It kept my belief that I was choosing the right path. I enjoy knowing that they are like me in life.
MY PLAN OF ATTACK
The more I studied and read reports, the more I knew that the jab was more malicious than a preventative. It kept popping up that countries using HCQ and Ivermectin had reduced cases of Covid and a faster cure. That it was banned as a cure just lit up in neon that it both worked and was a danger to the profits of the jab.
I called it “my plan” of attack because it was prior to Joe Rogan and Aaron Rodgers doing the same thing. Before then, I didn’t know many Americans that have tried it (because they were smothering the news that it worked). I’m glad I’m not famous, because they took a beating for challenging the status quo and won.
All my friends got jabbed and some have gone on cruises. They got Covid on the cruise after a negative PCR test just to get on board, 3 jabs and all the proof in the world that they don’t have it and are protected. They got it before I did. Everyone I know who got jabbed also got Covid. There is my personal evidence that the jab is not a vaccine for Covid and doesn’t prevent transmission to others.
THE TIME LINE
First, the other person in our house tested positive a week ago Thursday, 3 days ahead of me. That person is double jabbed and boosted, 3 stabs in the arm.
I didn’t tell anyone what to do as everyone needs to decide for themselves, as did I. After testing positive though, I made the jabbed person take the Ivermectin because I could trust it more than the jab. It helped speed up healing, and it did. At some point you try to cure it, because nothing prevented it.
I finally tested positive on Sunday but didn’t feel it until Monday. By this time, jabbed person had been in bed for 3 days and had respiratory issues and some other severe symptoms.
Seven days later, jabbed person was coming back to life but is tired and was still hacking and is constantly tired. I woke up after 3 days like Joe and Aaron did, feeling much better. I was tired for a a week and had a nagging cough, the same for jabbed person.
At the end, we had it about the same amount of time. Surprisingly, I wasn’t as sick. The jab (let alone 3) was supposed to lessen the effects of Covid. Most of all, I didn’t have the spike protein running through my veins artificially. The final count was 10 days for the vaxxed, 8 for the unvaxxed.
HOW DID IT GO?
I took vitamin C, B complex, Quercetin, Zinc, D, A, NAC, melatonin and now HCQ and Ivermectin. I also rinsed my nose with a solution of salt water and hydrogen peroxide. I’ve done that all through Covid though. I gargle with Peroxide as well.
My symptoms were a slight headache the first day, but more of a hangover feeling. My stomach was funky like after you drank too much the night before. It took 4 of days to get over that, I had a lot of practice at that before I stopped drinking.
I walked the dog just fine on day 2 and hung stuff in the house on day 3.
Day 4 found me dealing with the residual effects. I occasionally coughed up some stuff breaking up but every cold I’ve had was worse. I was a little tired, but then I wanted to watch the Tour de France and Formula 1.
Day 5 is just more of the same. I hauled a bunch of garbage first thing. I took it easy just because I’m not young anymore and know I needed the rest.
Day 6 was just getting better. I’m not ready to save the world, but it’s getting better. I’m driving for 4 hours on Day 7 to take care of house details.
THE BULLSHIT I GOT FROM THE DOCTOR ABOUT GETTING MEDICINE TO CURE IT
I asked my Dr for Ivermectin or HCQ over a year ago so that I would be ready to deal with it. She said that you don’t know the drug interaction (I don’t take anything other than vitamins) so I knew it was lying. Both have proven to be safe for decades with almost every other drug and I don’t take much.
We had a biological discussion on gene editing so it was clear she knew the truth, but was being silenced by the threat of a license revocation. I expected that answer and knew I’d be getting Ivermectin at the feed store and would have to find the HCQ. To protect the pharmacy, I won’t mention them but I found a source.
I maintain that everyone needs to make their own choice. As I type this I’m listening to the other in my house who has an awful cough and told me they feel terrible and have the entire time unlike me.
So other people told me they took the jab for me because that is what they told them on TV, and the internet. I knew that was wrong by how much the government was pushing it on us. I’ve written ad nauseum about coercion, payments under the table and de-population conspiracy (I documented who has said what and their global power grabs, look under Gates or Schwab in the tag cloud). I chose not to get into that fight and let the cards fall where they may.
Everyone who thought I was misguided and a conspiracy theorist will get a lesson in this. If you can’t challenge science, then it is propaganda – Aaron Rodgers.
Think I’m the only one who doesn’t trust it?
My intentions the whole time was get infected, but protect myself as much as possible so I don’t have to get jabbed and still get the NATURAL immunity and anti-bodies. I’ll still eat the horse de-wormer and laugh every time I do. I know there are no unknown side affects ruining my insides the rest of my life. I guess I won’t have any worms or malaria either. I got it and it worked.
It turns out that even Pfizer and Moderna admit it is gene therapy, not a vaccination. I instinctively knew this and it finally came out. There is no explaining it to anyone who is vaxxed though.
I’ve not been dealing with Covid much lately on my blog because I thought most of this was known. Banning HCQ and IVM told me that was a cure and they couldn’t launder money through the political parties because they are safe, effective and have a track record. It’s why I knew to look into them as a cure, not a preventative.
While it may be obvious to those paying attention that the experimental mRNA treatments have caused profound damage to the health of people across the globe, the extent of the problem is still vague even if we know its widespread. However, thanks to a new research study that was published this week by the Social Science Research Network (SSRN), we are finally starting to see the bigger picture, and the ‘safe and effective’ narrative should finally be able to be destroyed once and for all.
According to the study, mRNA vaccines from both Moderna and Pfizer were more likely to cause a “severe” adverse reaction (vaccine injury like myocarditis, etc.) than prevent covid hospitalizations. And not just a little more either. Moderna’s vaccine was found to cause “15.1 serious adverse events” for every 6.4 people kept out of the hospital.
Pfizer’s mRNA jab was even worse. Clocking in at an astonishing 10.1 serious adverse events per every 2.3 prevented hospitalizations – which is nearly 5 to 1.
Keep in mind that Covid-19 is only moderately more dangerous than the flu in the first place. The serious medical complications linked to the vaccine are much more life-threatening than the virus itself. And yet, Pfizer’s vaccine is 5x more likely to cause a serious adverse event than prevent a serious case of Covid-19, per the study.
I loved lawn darts. It’s like eating a tootsie roll pop. You always bite it. With lawn darts, you take maybe 2 throws at the circle and then you are aiming at the other kids. Now, micro aggression’s need safe spaces in case I hurt you with an incorrect pronoun or say a forbidden word. How sad it is that you can become so shallow that words thrown childishly and generally out of context hurt you.
Now for dodgeball. They don’t let kids play it because the unwritten rules are kill the fat kids and girls first as they are the slowest and easiest to hit. It’s why lions kill the slowest in the heard. They are the ones that got a good game banned because they couldn’t win. Note: This game is a good lesson in life, survival, awareness and loyalty.
Loyalty in dodgeball? Yes. When it’s down to a couple of kids, you don’t throw at your friends first. It spilled over into class and life.
Did we aim for the body? If it was available, otherwise a head shot was good for stories 2 days later that everyone enjoyed until Karen’s came along.
If they would stop banning the good games (also red rover), maybe kids would go outside more.
Yep, I tested for it a few days back. This post is to serve notice that I am about to document the paths taken by 2 people living in the same house that tested together.
All this time I’ve been spouting about who is right and wrong on this. What is Science and who is following it.
Well, it’s empirical for me now. I am coming out of it with a new wealth of knowledge.
We took different prophylactic paths (2 jabs plus booster vs Ivermectin and the Dr Z protocol).
I’ve been documenting the symptoms and the virus path it so that it will be ready when it’s fully over, but it’s starting to look to me that a lot of people died unnecessarily. They either could have been cured or should never have been jabbed.
Everyone is feeling better (so far), but the path from prevention to recovery are 2 opposite paths.
“I wish I could be the bearer of good tidings and tell you that you have unlimited time to stare at the ball and decide what you’re going to do with it, but that’s not reality. Like all games, the game of life must end—and the clock is ticking as you read this.” — Robert Ringer
I’ve met a lot of rats who seemed to function without a brain. Some are in my family. I went to high school with a den of rats. Most that worked with in Armonk or Somers for IBM were that. How they made it through life is beyond me. They are like Forest Gump, only not rich, not famous, not good looking, not friendly and are just surviving at this point. Yet here they are, probably able to survive a nuke with the roaches, in NY
In one week I have a new spider and will have baby birds that I get to watch. I noticed the sparrow on the ground gathering nest material in the field outside of my house. I wondered where the nest was, only to find later in the day that it was just outside of my kitchen window.
I named her Wilma after a little sister in my Fraternity. I don’t think she’d appreciate it, but the spider reminded me of her. Only later did I realize the Fred and Wilma Flintstones connection. Fred was named for a guy I know from the town that I moved away from recently, not Fred Flintstone.
Here is the sparrow’s nest from this morning, sorry for the blurry picture, I had to zoom it in a long way:
I don’t think I’ll name them as they fly away. The spider will stay with me until almost Thanksgiving and will provide me entertainment every night until then. I will love it when the baby birds hatch.
Some pets are less personal than others, but these will be interesting and part of nature I don’t always get to watch.
Sometimes I like them and just can’t stand to be around them. It’s the way it is. People I don’t speak with don’t think about this, but here is the answer in case you stumble on this post.
No one is exempt, past friends, relatives, schools, you name it. If we were friends, we would be and you’d know it. I won’t say anything or be mean, I just won’t spend time pretending on social banter because everyone is supposed to.
I was reading a diary a few years back and saw this gem. It was around Christmas time of year and I was fatiguing from the festivities.
For me, that is one of the worst times of the year. The fake happy from people who’s true nature I know is difficult to take.
As I thought about it, I realized that it is so true. It’s really why I don’t go to many social events.
I got tired of pretending to be social and/or having a good time, all they while wishing I could leave. Hell, I usually plan leaving before I go.
Most socials are like fakebook posts. Tell as much as you can about yourself to get likes. Conversation is asking others about them and what is important that they would like to talk about. I don’t even try and a lot of time I’ll just see how long people will talk about themselves and see if I can not say anything. They rarely notice. I won’t offer any information unless I think someone truly cares, but that’s only if I had to go and I’ve already got my exit plan in place.
I win almost every argument, hours after it happened. Most people I know can come back with a line that cuts you off at the knees and I can’t think of mine. I’ve given up on the childish retorts and name calling.
It’s always clear to me after the fact what I should have said, and more often than not, I was right, just not in time.
It was the same on the schoolyard. I won very few verbal confrontations.
What have I learned. Don’t play in games that you can’t win. I refuse to talk until I’m ready. I have learned to at least comment that the other person’s retort was mean, uncalled for and at least wrong. After I spend the time dissecting the other person’s points, they have usually forgotten the discussion.
There has been a rare occasion or two in my life when I said the right thing at the right time and surprised the heck out of everyone present. It’s not as satisfying as it would seem because you never know how much you’ve actually won.
Don’t embarrass yourself if you don’t come back. It’s a child’s game usually.
When I do unload though, stay out of the way as I’ve brought enough ammunition to destroy a college debate team.
Mostly, I’ve learned to walk away and realize that it isn’t that important.
My favorite is to get them to realize they were wrong by bringing it up in another conversation, usually days later because I couldn’t think of it at the time.
When I post meme’s, I soon find them on social media platforms (that I haven’t left, but people send it to me). Please, copy and share it so others will understand.
For the extroverts, the world isn’t about you. Take some time to understand that although you are louder and have apparently made the social rules that introverts violate, you aren’t the center of the universe. It also means you don’t have to try and cure Introverts. We are happiest if you’d take the time to understand why they are different than you, and are happier about it than you seem to be.
If you want to speak to me, talk about meaningful and deep subjects and I’ll talk all day. If you small talk, my body may be there, but I guarantee my mind is somewhere else. I have a whole world in my mind that I can go to that no one else is allowed in, unless you have passed the real friendship level.
And another thing, I hate having to listen to people at parties (if by chance I can’t get out of going). It is literally a facebook conversation where everyone is telling as much information about themselves as possible to get likes. I would never share that much information. Plus, it just causes small talk, one of the most wasteful uses of time possible.
I cringe when I hear people share this much information. I don’t care about them at this level, but really, there is a lot of personal stuff that you just shouldn’t talk about. It always comes back to bite you and yes, the other person is judging you and criticizing you inside no matter how nice you/they seem, bless your heart. Seriously, I don’t care about most of what your are talking about because you never asked if I was interested. If I wanted to know, I’d ask. Extroverts assume people care about their problems or things/other people that I’ll never meet. I do care about your pets though.
I will check out your bathroom because that’s where I’m going the minute the conversation drones on or my energy battery has hit empty.
Here’s a good hint, the minute I enter a room full of people, I check out the escape routes so I can get out/away as quickly as I have to. I see if there are any pets to play with. They are usually more interesting than small talk.
So here are the latest meme’s to share. Please steal them and post everywhere.
This one above is for my ex’s, most people I went to school with and most that I worked with.
I moved from a Northern Blue State (South Florida) decades ago to raise my kids in what was know as a Bible Belt state. Due to the area nearby (RTP), it attracted many people from the Bluer states. It was also near eastern Portland/San Francisco (Chapel Hill). That is a concentration of people who consider themselves elites, but in reality were just a bunch of Woke/PC/SJW America hating socialists who were against anything morally proper. So in a way they are elitists, but that is not a compliment. They are a group of disagreeable people who live to try and tell everyone else how to live. They are loathed by most of the surrounding area.
It is safe to say that they ruined a perfectly good place to live with their constant whining to try and make it either NYC or California by standards. They were and still are a minority, but have infiltrated the University System (UNC-CH, Duke, NC State, Wake Forest, etc.) and make life miserable in a once very nice place to live.
Therefore, I moved to get back to the South, where people are normal and have beliefs that are not Marxist. I don’t want to say where for fear that the dicks from the blue states will come and ruin that also.
Just like in Florida, they would come there and say how much better it was in NY/NJ/Penn/Mass than where we lived. Go the hell back if it was so good. Don’t come to a good place and ruin it with the policies that you moved away from, starting with more taxes and more Government.
No matter who you are, you fart. Most people think it’s funny. Old people don’t care and just let it go whenever. Guys have farting contests and remember the loudest, longest and smelliest ones. Girls say it’s gross in from of others, but let it rip when they are alone.
Everybody thinks it’s funny if someone famous gets caught.
It’s still a Covid test. If you can smell it, you don’t have Covid.
I’ve done Duo Lingo for over 1000 days in a row. It’s good for “older” people to challenge your mind, plus I get to speak and understand other than English. I get to poke the European’s in the eye a bit who claim that American’s only speak English (my wife’s family). Let’s not forget that we are a country of immigrants.
I also have a hard time not wanting to win everything I enter. I consider it a failure not to give it your 100%.
I’ve worked my way up to the diamond league and every week you compete against 29 other people. I’ve won 3 times, including last week.
I have a real hard time not competing. As Vince Lombardi once said, “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”
My screen name is Italian for my real name. I studied Italian, German, Latin, French, Spanish and Klingon last week.
I feel this way a lot of the time, not just Saturday. I hadn’t thought about doing the cough one, but I am now if someone doesn’t social distance or I can’t avoid them.
There are a lot of conversations I don’t start. As soon as I leave the house it’s on.
And this next one, I have way more conversations in my head than with others, even though it is about them. Just like the one above, it’s not worth it to talk to them, but way worth it to talk about them to me.
It’s why I don’t go to high school or college reunions. The people who are my friends and that I want to talk with, I do. If I don’t, this is the reason.
How I end 90% of my conversations, usually with one word…right, fine, good, ok.
When I give up trying because the other person just isn’t worth it (or all of my ex’s, I just wish I’d learned it in college).
Because of my personality, being loyal was a trait that overrode protecting myself. I did a lot of stuff that while during it, was a terrible chore. I did my duty because I thought it was my responsibility. I gave myself completely to friendships when all of the effort was for naught. Afterwards, I frequently felt betrayed by others. They didn’t do any share of the relationship or a joint project.
This first happened to me at single digits of age and continued through my work career.
I recall the feeling of being betrayed by others and realized they were self-centered. I didn’t understand this concept and had to learn about it the hard way. I had extended myself only to have my minimal expectations (some sense of returned loyalty) ignored or rebuffed.
Being a pattern person, I recognized what was going on and finally started withdrawing my full commitment. This bothered me as I hate giving less than 100% to a friendship or a task, and it gave me no satisfaction. In fact I felt I was selling myself short. The outcome was predictable every time.
Finally, after realizing that guarding myself was more important than worrying about what others might think, I started saying no. I didn’t want to anymore. I didn’t want to go through what I knew would be a one sided effort that left me disappointed again and again. I was tired of being hurt or betrayed. Others do it easily without concern for anyone. I had to learn to say no.
This was tough to do at first, but I had to protect myself or life would continue to be tough on me. I was tough on myself more than others.
I found that there is some initial pain on both sides of the relationship, but mostly mine. It has saved me in the long run. I now don’t do a lot of things that I know are just not going to be worth it. I’m much more careful as to what I’m going to commit to, either in tasks or relationships.
I’ve found some peace once I realized that others don’t give a shit usually other than about themselves. They quickly forget about it and me. I don’t get over it near as quickly, feeling that I’ve let someone down, but it passes and I realize that I’ve prioritized myself rather than others because it was necessary. It’s not selfish, rather a means of self-protection for me.
Of course, I thought I “suffered” from Mauerbauertraurigheit, but then it became my friend and I’ve eliminated a lot of grief. I used to give and give until I was overwhelmed to the point that I completely withdrew and couldn’t control doing so. Now, I recognize it in advance and purposely do it when I know it’s not going to be worth it.
I weigh the benefit against the cost and don’t do a “duty” or what I perceive as an expectation. There is a price for my loyalty, it is at least some in return. Otherwise, you don’t see me anymore.
My Mom said that life is about overcoming obstacles, climbing mountains and clearing hurdles. You are either in a crisis, just finished with one or about to start another.
That’s why I’ve learned that when too many things are going good, then this:
I used to live in bliss and then get blindsided as to how things can go wrong. When I was dating, there were times that I had a different girl for every day of the week and said no to others. Not long after that, it seems that even the professionals wouldn’t take my money.
I’d have 3 job offers waiting for me while I loved the job I was at, or I hated my job and no one would even give me an interview.
Now, when I’m feeling on top of the world, I start to prepare for what might be around the corner.
It sounds pessimistic, but I’ve realized that my Mom was right. Just wait long enough and you’ll have a challenge to overcome.
While I’m being sarcastic, if your family and friends bug you and you want some quiet holidays, this will help your Christmas be less stressful. Nothing gets to me as an Introvert like holidays and fake feelings, fake fun and people. Anytime I can tone it down, I will. It’s much easier to take that way. Why do people have to act different just because they are told to?
Pick either side, you don’t even have to believe in it. Pick Biden or Trump and say how bad or good they are. Don’t worry, you will piss someone off either way. Use woke subjects like BLM or LGBT2+WXYZ or whatever it is now and take sides (see what I did there? Some woke person just got mad).
I hate the false build up that comes with the holidays. They’ve expanded it to before Thanksgiving now. I went shopping today and the Christmas stuff is already out. SMH.
I’ve had multiple dogs over the years. They have all had different personalities and I loved them all, in different ways.
Barney was my first dog when I was a kid. I don’t have a picture, but he was part Boxer/part mutt. We got him from a friend of my Dad’s when he was going off to seminary and had to give him up. As far as I was concerned, he was always ours. He went to the beach with us on vacation and was part of the family.
Those were the pre-leash law days so he roamed the neighborhood on his own. He left his mark on the street with many little Barney’s and some pissed off neighbors. Dogs will be dogs. He was a car chaser and got hit. He recovered, but as Mom said, it took the spirit out of him.
When I got my S*** together in life, we got Conan. He was a rambunctious Golden. Through a breeding mistake, he got hip displaysia and only lasted 10 years. He was happy and had a good life. I learned how to train dogs and we bonded. As with all our dogs, I understood what he needed and took care of all his medical needs.
Bandit was my day pal. We picked her up from a breeder. I’ll be honest, we got a boxer because we wanted a smaller dog than Conan and a female, but we got a bundle of energy that was more than 3 Conan’s. As I think back, we got her because of Barney. They were the same color and size. She was fearless and friendly and loved everyone.
We named her Bandit from the dog in the Jonny Quest comics that I watched faithfully.
I was working at home by now. Being an introvert, I was happier being with her than people and she was by my side. We were together almost 15 years. It was almost like ET and Elliot. I knew what she needed intuitively. Where I went, she went. I took care of all her needs and she was my dog more than anyone in the family because of her.
I got her ashes, but couldn’t bear to bury them until I processed my feelings. I planted a dwarf Japanese Maple and she rests now forever there.
After taking a year off when Bandit finally left us, we decided to venture into the dog game again. I decided on a rescue and took my son to adopt another dog. He was with me when we got Bandit, but being so young, I picked Bandit from the litter to try and get the right one.
He helped me with picking out Boone. He noticed that out of all the dogs we looked at, he was the most gentile. While he looks lie a black lab, we later found out that he was part Boxer, so I guess that is a the theme in my life. He doesn’t have the energy that Bandit did, but neither do I anymore.
He is a great dog. Again he and I bonded more than anyone else in the family, even though he loves everyone and every other dog. Cats and deer, not so much.
My son was attached to Bandit and to Boone. When he went on his own, he got his own dog Raider. She is also colored like Bandit, but is a mix of a lot of breeds, a mutt. She is a great dog, but with a lot of energy. She is less friendly with other dogs, but loves Boone.
Without trying, I bonded with her also. She knows I’m an alpha and that I am the lead dog in the pack.
I know what they all have needed and what they like, it’s almost a sixth sense. I’m not a dog whisperer, rather through observation and empathy, we know we are together.
I love my dogs and they love me. When I have people problems, the dogs have always been there. I’ve been fortunate that they have all been good dogs.
Sometimes when life goes to shit, they are the only friends I have, at least it feels that way. They always by my side, without any pretension other than wanting to be with me.
We played war in the streets, along with baseball, football and I drove those cars thousands of miles in the sandbox. We actually learned things rather than looking it up on a phone. Common sense was far more available to us than it is to the snowflakes.
The cars today are driving computers, but you can’t work on them yourself, you need to plug it in to tell you what is wrong. I miss the smooth sound of a V-12, or the deep throated sound of a V-8 in a pony car.
I’ll leave the girls alone other than it was a more genuine look, but our music was way better that what you hear today.
I’m smart enough to never have listened to a song by her (that I’m aware of). The drugs affected John and her by then and there wasn’t much to listen to. He was better with the Beatles. She was never good.
It doesn’t affect me as much anymore because my age gets me up whenever it feels like it. I (for the most part) don’t have to get up for anything. I agreed with my golfing partner not to get up too early for a tee time next round. Not being rushed is a great thing at this point in life.
I don’t miss early meetings, e-mail road rage or having to get the kids ready for school. That is for young people.
I have relatives in Denmark. In my last visit, I got a lesson about how the Nordics were better because of Jante’s Law.
Jante’s Law describes a set of cultural norms common in Nordic countries emphasizing collective well-being and group accomplishments, and disapproval of touting individual victories.
The concept of the Law of Jante—Janteloven in Denmark, Jantelagen in Swedish, Jante laki in Finnish and Jantelögin in Icelandic—while it is simply a part of the cultural oxygen that everyone here breathes, was laid out in stark terms in a 1933 book called “A Fugitive Crosses His Tracks” written by Danish-Norwegian author Axel Sandemose.
In it, Sandemose satirically conjectures that Danes are so happy because their highest aspiration is to be average, and he mocks the fictionalized small town people from the village where he grew up.
People with low expectations always achieve them.
EUROPE’S FAVORITE SPORT
Of course we then got into the favorite sport of Europe. Some think it is Soccer/Football, but it really is America bashing. Wherever I go in Europe, that place is always better than in the USA, the food, the culture, the history or whatever. I get told this while they are wearing Levi’s, smoking Marlboro’s and drinking Coke. Because of Jante, life was better there.
When I’d had enough, I pointed out that there was this muslim problem in their country. They call them the new Danes. Those are the one’s not born there. They immigrated, but won’t assimilate, won’t speak the language (or if they do, not properly, the biggest sin to be discriminated against) and suck off the hind teat of social welfare. Since I pointed out the obvious, I got no push back.
PREDICTING THE BOW AND ARROW ATTACK
I got an earful about gun murders in the US and other problems we had. I was told how guns were outlawed in the Nordics so this wasn’t a problem in the hygge place.
I finally broke and said that human nature is not equal. Some are more naturally gifted intellectually, athletically and with more good or evil in their motivations.
My statement in 2016 was if you take away the guns, they’ll use a bow and arrow. If you take that away, they’ll use a knife. If you take that away, they’ll use a stick. People are not equal and that is behind America’s Exceptionalism. It’s also behind the hate of the attack yesterday.
I’ve never been popular with them, being the only real American they are related to. I decided to not make myself less popular, only because of respect for my wife and ended the conversation.
Within days, this happened in the UK, where guns are banned.
Human nature doesn’t change. Love and hate don’t change either.
I loved all the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Marvin the Martian was his foil in a couple. That was when we didn’t have a cancel culture and weren’t afraid of making fun of things without being castrated on Social Media.
I saw every one of them as a kid. I saw every one of them as an adult and appreciated them even more. My kids know every time I reference an episode. It’s even better when they reference one to me.
Here is the illudiam Q-36 explosive space modulator, to blow up the Earth.
This is Jo Siffert at Daytona in 1970 in a Gulf Porsche 917. Out of all of the versions of this dominating car, this was both my favorite and my first encounter with it. He was my favorite driver and died too young.
It was the first time I’d seen a car go over 200 MPH in person. I was young, so it was impressive.
I was already a Porschefile by this point, but that day cemented it home.
I’ve seen them race many times, but I was with my Dad that day and it still is memorable for me.
Later, the car was the star of the movie Le Mans. Steve McQueen was in the movie, the king of cool, but the car outshone him.
Some call it the greatest sports car ever, and for those of us who have seen it race, we understand why.
After all…..this is the greatest line ever in a car movie.
If it can be aimed at, we give it a go. Piscuits are low hanging fruit. A moving bug is much more challenging. It also guarantee’s a mess, but we take the shot anyway. We also play peeing for distance and other childish games.
I’m sure girls think we are silly, but when a group of them were asked what they’d do if they had a dick, they said aim it when they piss. (guys said they’d feel their boobs if they had them and shoot milk at each other like a squirt gun, still a dick thing).
When there is a stain on the bowl, we won’t clean it if we can knock it off with a stream. Yes, we write whatever we can on the sidewalk and in the snow. The ones that say they don’t are lying, but a few do need their man card revoked. We don’t even have to be taught this trick. It’s instinctive to try it.
Why do we do it? Because we can. Sure, our equipment isn’t as pretty as females, but it is useful and a built in play toy. Why do you think we hold on to it so much?
Best of all, the whole world is our urinal if needed.
I even broke up with a girlfriend who got mad at me when I had to take a leak by the side of the road because she was worried what people would think of her. They wouldn’t ever look at her for laughing at me. I knew she wasn’t a keeper at that point. Every thing was a joke to me and she couldn’t take a joke. The woman I married knew how immature I can be and ignores it most of the time.
My posting has been light as I’ve been moving. It’s almost over. After I get the final truckload into a temporary storage place today, I can finally relax.
This has been months of ass busting to get things ready, turning me into a carpenter, plumber, painter and a no paid laborer.
After that was going through everything I’ve collected, including family stuff dating back to at least 2nd grade. A flood of memories came over me as with each picture or item, I felt the same emotion from decades ago. I also felt the loss of those who were there and are gone now. Some of the memories hurt, some were better. I decided to tell myself that I should be happy that I got to have the memory rather than let it tug too hard at my heart strings, dragging me down.
I had to throw out half my life. Those who will have to clean up my mess when I’m gone should thank me for doing it now for them. I had to go through all of my parents stuff when they died, which took years as some stuff was legal and I had to hold onto it, until this move. The final stuff is now gone, save for a few pictures and mementos.
My life is going to go through another phase now. I thought I was going to live my life out in the last 2 houses, yet here I am in a temporary place until the next one is ready.
It was a lot easier moving when you are younger. You have less shit that you accumulate and no one else to answer to. Now it’s “do you need this or do we need to keep it”. I had a lot more energy then and I know what to expect now.
When you are young and don’t know what is around the corner, it is an adventure. I know every phase of moving, including what is next, and that most people I have to rely on will be late and not really care about me except as a paycheck
I threw or gave away many thousands of dollars of stuff. It won’t fit where I was going and I got tired of selling stuff so I donated most of it to those who need it more than I do. I hope it serves them well. I’m happy if someone less fortunate benefits.
So by Monday, I’ll be as back to normal as I’ve been in a long time. Man, I hope so.
Back to the memories and moving adventures, I realized how freaking old I’ve become. For the first time, it’s dawned on me that the future is no longer endless. As each of us contemplates eternity, I hope you have prepared your soul. It’s way more important than a legacy
Reality bites us all in some way or another. I’m living through that right now.
“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
I swear this is true. I’ve found that everyone has a story. Some people call it skeletons, but when you hear about their lives, it weaves together who they really are. Pretty soon, you have to decide if they are worth it.
There are generally patterns to people and they repeat them, almost predictably. The more you find out, the less you want to do with them, except certain activities you can stand to do together.
There are some that overlook a lot of stuff because they wish to be with someone. That’s why people flock to celebtards for example.
I had to deal with a lot of famous people in my life. After spending only a little time with them, I couldn’t wait to get away.
Fortunately, there are a few people who truly who have a list of qualities that are better than their bad ones. I hope you can find a few.
The rest are people who are people. They show themselves to be who they are. You just learn about it over time. You have to decide if you will be putting up with or they need to be eliminated from your life to avoid being poisoned.
Finally, examine yourself. You probably are that person to others. I guess try not to be, but don’t fake it, be yourself. If you don’t belong, don’t. If one of you is not normal and it’s not the other person, it’s you.
There are a lot of jokes about extroverts adopting introverts and so forth, but the answer on really how to get to know one is less obvious to the world. It is clear as a bright sunshine day to introverts.
I know I have little patience for small talk. I don’t want to hear about surface level nonsense that is mostly irrelevant. It becomes a Facebook discussion on saying anything you can to get the most likes in the conversation.
That is a social rule that was written by extroverts because they are louder and dominate the discussions. When the yapping starts, I watch the introverts shutting down. It is mentally draining. It takes me days to recover from having to listen to this.
I’d rather just not talk and I don’t go to a lot of things just to not to have to hear it. I like the people, but the energy draining isn’t worth it.
On the other hand, if you want to talk about something meaningful, watch me open up. We don’t have to talk about derivative equations, but cut the shit and meaningless banter. I have a great depth of knowledge on many subjects and enjoy the conversation that is intellectually stimulating.
Fortunately, I am not bound by whether someone likes me for what I say or comply to. There are a lot of times I’m grateful that someone thinks I may be anti-social because I don’t want to listen to gossip. It’s usually a hate fest anyway.
I had an oncologist tell me that girls will tell other girls how good they look when it is awful, just so they will wear it and look bad. How effed up is that? They hate each other and I don’t want to hear about it.
So get to know me. That is two fold. Don’t gossip or try to keep the conversation going for the sake of talking. The other is try to go below the surface and show that you have thoughts about something sincere, really anything. Try pets for example. How tough is that?
I’ll do my part and even put up with the introductory small talk to get to know you, but if it doesn’t go past that very soon and you start repeating the same thing, or if it’s just trashing someone else, I’m out.
I’ve written extensively about this, especially in Internet Road Rage. Go read it to see who these cowards are.
No matter what you do, someone has a beef (vegans will get me here, just another example) with whatever you say.
It used to be don’t talk politics, religion or something else at Thanksgiving or you’ll piss off someone in your family. Now, just like someone and you are one of Hillary’s deplorables (She gave the the best example, why I’m using politics here hoping to draw some ire from a commenter to prove my point. I could care less about her or her opinions other than it works).
Now, you can’t say anything on social media without someone being offended. I think it’s funny if they fall for it though because it just shows how shallow people are. Just go to Quora, hater (twitter) or Fakebook to find a large group of the clueless. That they are trying to censor people who don’t agree with them just shows bias and ignorance.
So, you can either be smart and blow off the idiots looking to be offended or trying to prove their point to the world, or just fall in line with the masses and get into it.
You bet it was. There were a lot of sacrifices and a lot of learning about investing, managing money and faith in God. It turns out that we were blessed with an abundance of riches, only a small amount of which are financial.
We were alone.
Fortunately, my wife was on the same page. Heck, my Mom even taught me how to save as she lived through the depression. She could make anything last longer than possible. That woman sacrificed for us and I noticed. My siblings however never learned. Mom told me she taught each of us the same lessons, but said no one else listened to her.
I caught a lot of crap from my friends.
Working in the airline industry is very common for my family and friends. We have many pilots and flight attendants in that group.
Rick, with whom I went to school with since 7th grade, gave me a ton of grief when we were in our late 20’s. He was serving cokes for a living (stewardess) and wasted 15 years of his life doing it. He was broke when he quit.
I spoke to him one Saturday when I was at work. He told me that he only worked 2 weeks a month and was off to Hawaii for free, rubbing it in my face that I had to work. When I hung up, I knew right then that I was making a short term sacrifice for long term gain. I would be retiring early while being financially safe and knew I would have to work hard to accomplish it. I said to myself that I would make it my goal and I’d be playing golf while he was working. He still is working today, and when he got to the real world I’d had 16 years of experience. I had owned my own business shortly after that conversation. FWIW, I played golf this week and have enjoyed a long retirement while he was in tech support.
Did I get even with him?
I chose not to rub it in because the facts show our different outcomes. I’m glad I have mine. I knew I would be financially set and stuck with it in life. Every day is Saturday for me now and he is living off of Social Security.
Being an introvert, I don’t want to get into it anyway and he doesn’t want to talk much anymore. I don’t care what happens to others as I can’t control anything other than my destiny. I’m sorry he didn’t listen to me. He told me he resented that job for 13 of the 15 years he did it and hates his current job.
A theme and a pattern.
It wasn’t only my siblings and friends. When I sold my business and went to work for IBM, they were the same. When it came time for me to say goodbye, my house was paid off and we had saved. Almost no one could believe that I was pulling the plug that early. They thought it was some scandal that I had to quit and were very disappointed that the reason I retired was because I could. Most of them were keeping up with the Jones and didn’t save. I looked some of them up and they are still stuck working at the same job when I left.
I turned down moving to New York to “climb the ladder” because living there sucks and I didn’t want to raise a family there. People told me when they moved to New York, they got to pay 30% more for everything, for less than I made. Again, I knew that I was making the right decision for my family not to go there to “get ahead” (behind would have been the actual case if I’d gone there).
Dad worked until he was 70. Work defined his life. He was lost when he retired.
Working was only a means to an end for me. To be fair, I was fortunate enough to be highly successful and God decided that I should be compensated for it. That helped make it happen, but if you go back to my siblings, they earned more than me at times. They still work though as most of it was wasted on useless stuff.
Dad couldn’t understand my goals, but I had so much going on that work was interfering with my life, so I stopped. I never regretted it.
A lot of the IBM’rs died shortly after retiring because they had to work a long time. I saw that and knew I wanted to enjoy my life. Now, every day is Saturday for me.
I have enjoyed each day these last 10 years. Heck, I’m the president of the how to enjoy your retirement club. Never once did I think about going back because I didn’t have to.
If there is any lesson, it is in the post of how to become a millionaire.
I got my ass beat a lot growing up. It was almost every day one summer. I’m pretty sure I earned and deserved every whack. I turned out just fine and respected my Dad even though he was the administrator of spanking.
When I look at the woke people, the cancel culture and the idiots on Twitter, Fake Book and other social media, I’m thankful for my upbringing. It scares the crap out of me that this group of ‘tards are about to run everything while a bunch of them still live in their parents basement.
The ones that made it out of the basement are bringing down the NBA, NFL, MLB and the rest of sports and entertainment (and life).
I also can get anywhere with only a map, write in cursive and can figure out how to fix just about anything without a search engine.
I saw my life flashing before my eyes as I’ve been winnowing relationships somewhat based on this formula, just on my terms. When I felt someone wasn’t loyal to our relationship, it starts going downhill until I draw the Maginot line and it’s over. I treat others like they treat me.
I didn’t realize how much of a drag on your mental health these relationships are. It has been for me, but I’d made a conscious decision to end them whenever possible when they got toxic for me.
Sometimes it’s Mauerbauertraurigheit, but that is a last resort for me and I have no control over leaving people when that happens. Mostly, I reach a moment of truth and fade away. I don’t ghost people, but I actively avoid them and decline as much as possible until they get the hint. Most of the time, I just get forgotten.
Here are some excerpts, but I’m highlighting only parts of it, what was the blinking light to me. Here goes….
Then there is a category of people which sits right in between. You might call them “frenemies,” though the “enemy” part of that compound can feel like too strong a descriptor. Social scientists have a better term for these kinds of ties: “ambivalent relationships.”
Both positive and negative elements exist in every relationship. In a good, supportive relationship, the positive significantly outweighs the negative. In a bad, aversive relationship, the negative significantly outweighs the positive. In an ambivalent relationship, neither the positive nor the negative predominates; your feelings about the person are decidedly mixed. Sometimes this person is encouraging, and sometimes they’re critical. Sometimes they’re fun, and sometimes they’re a drag. Sometimes they’re there for you, and sometimes they’re not. Sometimes you really like and even love them, and sometimes they bug the ever-living tar out of you.
We can have ambivalent relationships with co-workers, friends, family, and even our spouses. And while we don’t tend to think about our ambivalent relationships as much as we do those on the more polarized ends of the affection spectrum, they actually make up about half of our social networks.
Here’s how it is for me in their words:
Sometimes the connection you feel with someone is very strong when you first meet, but over the subsequent years and decades, you change, and they change, so that your lifestyles, outlooks, and personalities end up more and more disparate. You still think of yourselves as friends, and still have a bond built on a shared history, but your connection is more conflicted than it once was. (Social media really sucks on this one).
Sometimes you’re friends with someone because your spouse is friends with their spouse. They’re not someone you would have actively chosen to be friends with, but because you spend time together as couples, you end up in a relationship, albeit an ambivalent one. (I hate this one. I’ve yet to connect with any of them as they weren’t my friends, they were her friend’s spouse that I was forced to hang with, but we never would otherwise.)
Sometimes you’re just thrown together with people. There are office colleagues and fellow church congregants and roommates who you neither strongly like nor strongly dislike, but that you come to feel quite familiar with because of how much time you spend together. Sometimes this familiarity rises to the level of affection, and sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes the relationship just kind of is what it is. (Still, I’ve never really made a close friend from this group. They are people I have to put up with for a period of time. I know how much time that is and it is a countdown until whatever social engagement I’m forced into is over).
It goes on to say:
And, of course, there’s the whole dynamic of family. You may have grown up around certain blood relations, but you otherwise share little in common, and the fact you still get together is based more on biological bonds, and the expectations around filial piety and familial obligation, than genuine desire and enjoyment. You’re in fact more likely to have ambivalent relationships with family members than friends, which makes sense; while relationships with friends are a matter of voluntary choice, you end up connected to family members by chance.
I have little in common with any biological family anymore. Most are gone, but for the ones that are left, if we weren’t related, we’d never talk (and with most, we don’t). The ones that are left seemed to agree with me to keep each other at arms length. I avoid funerals and weddings if at all possible as I don’t need to catch up. I don’t want to talk about my life to people who are strangers other than the biological relationship.
As I recall growing up, my siblings weren’t my friends. Most of the time they would rather try to get me in trouble starting with telling on me to parents on stuff I didn’t do, progressing to talking shit about me to mutual acquaintances just to tear me down publicly or socially. We were forced together as a group. We don’t do anything other than the perfunctory requirements and no one really says anything. Even on vacation when young, I was off on my own on any downtime.
I know I never looked forward to any overnight trip to visit any relatives, even as a kid. I thought most of them were a bit creepy. As an introvert, I pulled away from the social gatherings that usually happened around a big meal. It was dreadful. I didn’t even know I was introverted, it naturally happened.
As far as other relatives, I’m fortunate to have my outlaws living in another country. I’ve done stuff with them, but they for the most part revert to bashing either the USA, or want to try to make America a socialist country like theirs. They consistently trash what is morally right and it’s tiring to listen to. I’ve been fed up with it since 9/11 when they told me America overreacted, and this was before Iraq.
I couldn’t figure these relationships out because I wasn’t born socially gifted like others. Being an introvert, I do have powers of observation and body language skills I’ve had to develop to determine friend or foe. It also helps me determine who is going to waste my time or try to get me to do shit I don’t want to do anymore. Now, I say no.
Why Ambivalent Relationships Are So Terrible for You
Supportive relationships have been shown to buffer stress, boost resilience, and improve physical and mental health.
Aversive relationships have been shown to amplify stress, diminish resilience, and damage physical and mental health.
You might think that because ambivalent relationships feel middle-of-the-road, their impact on your life would be similarly neutral. But in fact, multiple studies have shown that their effect is significantly and uniformly negative, and that “ambivalent relationships not only are less effective at helping individuals cope with stress but also may be sources of stress themselves.”
Studies have found that your blood pressure goes up more when you interact with someone with whom you have an ambivalent relationship, than it does when you interact with someone with whom you have a supportive relationship. Even just anticipating interacting with an ambivalent tie triggers a greater increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Researchers speculate that this heightened stress response is due to the unpredictability of an ambivalent relationship: Are you going to enjoy your time with this person or are you going to get in a fight? Are you going to have fun or just feel annoyed? Are they going to be supportive or critical?
We might hypothesize a couple other reasons that cardiovascular reactivity increases when interacting with ambivalent ties.
One is the greater exercise of self-control you have to muster during one of these interactions; you have to check yourself from rolling your eyes, showing signs of your boredom or frustration, offering an overly harsh rebuttal to an opinion you strongly disagree with — and this takes effort. The heightened stress response experienced around ambivalent ties may also be due to the psychic split you feel over whether you even want to be hanging out with this person at all. You don’t dread seeing them the way you might the dentist, but you don’t really look forward to seeing them, either. The interaction feels more compulsory than voluntary, more obligatory than willful, and we feel a measure of frustration when we don’t experience ourselves as fully autonomous and have to do things that are contrary to our personal desires. (This is how I almost always feel anymore. I have to work up to want to go out with someone and want to know when it will end so I know when I can leave. There are very few I look forward to seeing anymore. Most people who think we are friends don’t know that we aren’t).
Here’s the really surprising thing: blood pressure not only rises more when you’re interacting with an ambivalent tie versus a supportive one, it also rises more when you’re interacting with an ambivalent tie than it does when you’re interacting with an aversive one. In other words, you feel more stressed when interacting with someone you like/dislike, than you do when interacting with someone you entirely dislike.
I end it by saying not for me. The trouble is in the interaction with people. When I just don’t, my blood pressure is better and any stress over socializing is avoided.
I wonder if this is going to offend hillbillies? I wonder if that name is a cultural appropriation? What if it is a racist name?
Fear not, I have a strain in my family as southern as turnip greens.
I shake my head as I’m making fun of woke people using hotdogs, and yet I think there might be someone ready to lead a revolution to protect hillbillies now from discrimination. On second thought, nah.
My daughter had a simple nose piercing before she joined the real world. One day while teaching Sunday School, one of the toddlers asked her why she had a booger on her nose (it was a small diamond). Kids tell the truth. It didn’t look good, but what can a Dad tell a teenage daughter? You guessed it, nothing.
I talked to Doctors who told me this is a petri dish for bacteria. What happens in allergy season when your nose is constantly running? It is disgusting to think about.
Finally, I’m not in the dating pool. If I was, this would be on the list of red flags that would tip me off to not everything is going well upstairs. I don’t care what others do to their bodies as long as it doesn’t affect me. It doesn’t mean that I think it looks good or makes anyone more appealing. That affects me.
I try to protect myself from crazy people. Piercing your nose doesn’t make you crazy. It does give a hint that maybe not everything is working well in the decision part of the brain though.
Caveat: I have readers from countries that this is a tradition and perhaps a religious symbol. I get that it is a part of your life. However, are they are getting it done because they have to or are supposed to. I wonder who would do it if the mental pressure to do so wasn’t there?
I still ask myself how does one think that makes them look better? I move along and say nothing, but so far it hasn’t improved anyone’s appearance that I can tell.
Remember belly button piercings? No one is running out to get those anymore either.
“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”
It’s always been difficult to be unpopular. We learn this lesson in school. No one wants to be an outcast.
With the dreaded social media and their censors against only certain people and certain words that they don’t agree with, the visibility of this subject has leapfrogged past logic, reason and congeniality. You say the wrong thing to the wrong person and your head gets bitten off.
First, you have to care if what people say about you bothers you. I don’t give a flying fig anymore because if they like me they do. If they don’t, what they say probably isn’t going to phase me.
The real hero’s and leaders are those who will stand up against the sheep and go the other way, or lead the sheep. Oh, you are going to piss some people off, but they were probably just there to try and get in your way.
The moral is don’t be a sheep. Fight (say to others, don’t hit them unless you are in Portland) for what you believe in and the hill you want to make your stand on.
Most of all, when you have made your decision, don’t let public opinion or popularity contests sway you. When you are right you are. If you are not sure, you probably aren’t.
Most people who get in your way are jealous or get their kicks by bringing others down instead of worrying about what they should be doing.