I’ve been tired of this since it started. I’ll bet I’m not alone.
These self-entitled ‘tards have ruined enough. I’m not going to stand for it anymore.
I’m torn between ignoring them because it is so stupid and stopping their push to ruin everyone’s life with their nonsense. It’s hard to believe they think they are right and it matters.
I realize there is no telling someone that won’t live in reality anything. They’ll have to wake up one day to realize how wrong they are about life.
Please stop ruining mine and take it somewhere else, anywhere but the USA.
I have nothing against them, except they always tell you they are vegan. I feel sorry that they don’t get to enjoy the bacon cheeseburger that I’m having tonight.
Oh, I won’t be telling anyone I’m not vegan. They don’t want to know that either.
I always try to count how many are actually working.
I try to thank the sign workers who let the traffic flow when there is only one lane for both sides. They take a beating for holding up traffic, but it isn’t their fault.
When I worked in construction growing up, the lowest guy got the worst jobs. It’s an unwritten rule.
I need one of these for the people trying to sell me stuff or for pretty much anyone who doesn’t text and let me know they are coming first.
I figured a little sarcasm was in order after all the Covid/Vaxx ranting that’s been going on around here.
Some one other than me has a sophomoric sense of humor.
I swear I wrote this in my journal this morning. I was grateful that I got rid of that ball and chain a long time ago. I busted ass for a long time to be in this position and it is worth it, I Gar-un-tee it!
Sure I’m older now and don’t have as many years left, but Sunday night doesn’t suck as much knowing that if it’s a bad one, I don’t have to hate the next 24 hours.
When I watched the NFL before it went woke, I used to go to Monday Night Football and get home late and not sober. How I made it to work the next day and was able to get through it is beyond me now. I guess I was young and it didn’t affect me like it does now, even though I gave up all my bad habits.
Just not being able to sleep, which happens a lot now can ruin the next day.
I think I’m better off older.
I had amnesia once — or twice.
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
I am neither for nor against apathy.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
I absolutely did this a hundred times, then pelted everyone with them. It was when we played outside instead of in front of a screen.
She got the colors spot on.
Now, I’m thinking of where I can get some ashes. I’ve done a lot of stuff and this gives me new ammunition
She’s a keeper, in the black dress
He’s fucked and he knows it. Look at his face
I’ve been known to do this. I hope Pavlov just affects dogs.
I’ve been content free, so enjoy the laugh and do the usual copy and post on your social media of choice.
The trikini and marriage stuff is funny. Some of the Covid stuff makes too much sense.
Some of it just makes you think.
If it can be aimed at, we give it a go. Piscuits are low hanging fruit. A moving bug is much more challenging. It also guarantee’s a mess, but we take the shot anyway. We also play peeing for distance and other childish games.
I’m sure girls think we are silly, but when a group of them were asked what they’d do if they had a dick, they said aim it when they piss. (guys said they’d feel their boobs if they had them and shoot milk at each other like a squirt gun, still a dick thing).
When there is a stain on the bowl, we won’t clean it if we can knock it off with a stream. Yes, we write whatever we can on the sidewalk and in the snow. The ones that say they don’t are lying, but a few do need their man card revoked. We don’t even have to be taught this trick. It’s instinctive to try it.
Why do we do it? Because we can. Sure, our equipment isn’t as pretty as females, but it is useful and a built in play toy. Why do you think we hold on to it so much?
Best of all, the whole world is our urinal if needed.
I even broke up with a girlfriend who got mad at me when I had to take a leak by the side of the road because she was worried what people would think of her. They wouldn’t ever look at her for laughing at me. I knew she wasn’t a keeper at that point. Every thing was a joke to me and she couldn’t take a joke. The woman I married knew how immature I can be and ignores it most of the time.
All it tells me is that it’s either a dumb custom, or scratch these girls off the list as potential mates.
A severe headache? Seriously, has anyone heard the sound a gun makes when fired?
There are times I can pee on 3 things at once and not one of them is in the bowl. Every guy has done it. Forget it if you have morning wood, that’s God’s joke on you.
I’ve posted a lot of stuff poking fun at both. Once, when partially serious I posted how and why we are different here.
When less serious about it, I posted how we see things differently, on how men and women see colors differently.
And now for today’s humor.
OK, not really spiritual, but clever.
Owning one of these is the only time I’d want to live in Oregon, Washington (either one), California or New York. Let’s not forget that the same people have invaded Florida.
Actually, I should be banned from having one. I’d be in jail within minutes of buying it.
It would be iconic to call him that over a 2 way radio. The jokes write themselves sometimes don’t they.
I’ve met William Shatner. He was an ok guy. I’m sure meeting people like me over and over is tedious, but he was good about it.
He still is my favorite Captain and there would be no Picard, Janeway, Sisko or others without the real Kirk.
Here we are, in Vegas of course.
Most shocking to me is that I was taller. I’m also a 3rd degree blackbelt so I could kick his ass no matter how many Romulans he’s killed.
Oh, I’d write a lot of other stuff too. Imagine if an ex came in or a celebtard whining about their $20 million Disney contract? No telling what I’d write, but it would be good.
I know doctors pride themselves on straight lines when operating. They told me.
Just like the anti-matter a few posts below, there are some things I should be banned from doing. This would be close to the top of the list.
Not a chance I wouldn’t play with these and laugh my ass off. I’d also be reported to HR within minutes for some inappropriate joke. It would be worth it.
I wonder if these ladies take work home with them?
I posted Hell explained by an engineering student that was so creative the teacher gave him a top score. I still laugh at that one (right Teresa?)?
Now, there is this one on Mother’s milk. It’s almost as creative and funny as the engineer.
The teacher has a sense of humor. I have no idea what number 7 really is, but the answer is good enough for me. I thought he was going to mention play toys at first.
Note: I have nothing against them, except they always tell you and complain about what I’m eating. I never mention how they are missing out on the joy of bacon.
And don’t forget to mention to your foursome that there is a water hazard on the hole. One of them is bound to find it. They’ll do the rest.
I didn’t know this was possible.
If you bother watching them in the movies, the are just target practice for the Rebels. These guys can’t hit a wall in front of them.
You kill one when you shoot a Storm Trooper, yet it’s ever only a wound when they shoot someone. Maybe they had vasectomies?
Anyway, this is me in the morning a lot of days. I think I’ve bulls eyed the bowl and I’ve pissed on who knows what.
I know they have free shipping, but there is always something else you want, not need and they put it in your face.
I’ve bought zilch this year. I realized that Amazon is discounting a lot of stuff to put their version of the products in your house.
Really, I don’t need more stuff and the deals aren’t that great anymore. There is also 2 million deals to sort through, most of which you could get for the same price by waiting and watching.
I’ve had dogs all my life and know them well. I went right to Rusty’s answer also.
It looks right to me. Men see colors differently anyway. Here is our color chart. As you can see, it’s not close.
I’m not saying she has a big one, but(t)……..
My guess is this is at a bar so they don’t fall over.
I’m done with that in my life now so it’s me wanting to rest now.
Fortunately, it’s hard to get bacon wrong. It also makes everything tasted better. That is why there is bacon bits for instant bacon on your salad.
This is so wrong above. The rules are if there is more than two urinals, the second guy goes to the furthest one. You always look straight ahead, but if you have to, you can only look the other guy in the eye.
The second picture is how it is done. It just is.
It is time sensitive though. Once you get back home the rules revert to whatever house rules are. It’s the little victories in life that count though.
I like the way this guy thinks.
The masks are coming off and we can see your mug again. No more guessing who they are by the eyes. Now, we can see that nose ring in the post below.
Scratch #2 on the list. I don’t try that hard.
I’ve put socks in men’s pants (on a mannequin to make them look more manly.
Sock’s also look like #2 if they are brown. I’ve turned clothes around on displays and helped the hands move to places not unlike the picture.
I even waited around for the crowd approval as they walked by, not bothered by store security as they laughed.
Sometimes maturity is over-rated for laughs
This works for retired people also. I can do a lot of stuff during the day and not get done what was needed.
I’ll wait and see what Krispy Kreme does.
I hope that you find the real reason for Easter. It literally will decide the rest of your Immortal life.
I just put this up because it’s how I feel when I wake up and the dogs are already at full speed and I have to catch up to feed and get them out.
This is about climate warnings via scaring people, not whether there is global warming or whatever.
The trick to get people to do something is the carrot or stick. This one is kind of both.
I’m used to being told that the statue of liberty will drown or Miami Beach is going under water and rarely pay attention. I think they are just after money and will say almost anything.
Its a new low though when they go to your unit, your family jewels, the python of passion…..uh, stop right there. I think you get what I’m talking about.
Now, your dick is getting shorter or something. Really? If you want me to buy into this, at least make it believable.
Thu 18 Mar 2021 21.23 AEDT
The chemicals to blame for our reproductive crisis are found everywhere and in everything
The end of humankind? It may be coming sooner than we think, thanks to hormone-disrupting chemicals that are decimating fertility at an alarming rate around the globe. A new book called Countdown, by Shanna Swan, an environmental and reproductive epidemiologist at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York, finds that sperm counts have dropped almost 60% since 1973. Following the trajectory we are on, Swan’s research suggests sperm counts could reach zero by 2045. Zero. Let that sink in. That would mean no babies. No reproduction. No more humans. Forgive me for asking: why isn’t the UN calling an emergency meeting on this right now?
The chemicals to blame for this crisis are found in everything from plastic containers and food wrapping, to waterproof clothes and fragrances in cleaning products, to soaps and shampoos, to electronics and carpeting. Some of them, called PFAS, are known as “forever chemicals”, because they don’t breakdown in the environment or the human body. They just accumulate and accumulate – doing more and more damage, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Now, it seems, humanity is reaching a breaking point.
Choose for yourself if you want to believe it. I’m going to protect my privates.
Washington thinks they are going to take away our guns, so check this out……..sales of this new product may skyrocket.
“IN GOD WE TRUST”
Taken straight from the source.
First tested in China for our benefit.
Because this is better than reading the news about anything going on right now.
Of course it was the smallest kid in the house.
To make carbons and add more names to the email.
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters.
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
That which you cannot repair yourself.
The trails left by interoffice emails.
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.
Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.
Found yesterday, interested?
Nobody can find him/her.
Let’s Get Together On This:
I’m assuming you’re as confused as I.
Note & Initial:
I’m not taking the fall for this myself.
We can hide behind this.
Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I’m lonely.
It may be stupid but the boss wants it.
We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer or we can’t find anyone willing to be responsible for this.
Will Advise In Due Course:
If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
Back to sarcasm I guess. Whatever you do, don’t mention Hillary.
It’s funnier than the Wikileaks below.
I’m not sure the world is quiet this bad yet, but I’ve been wrong before
I like Spike and Tyke, The Cat Concerto and many of the Hanna Barbera animations (the later ones weren’t as good). The one that won me over was Cat Fishin’ The episode is below.
“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.” – Jane Wagner
It turns out that Jane was a comedy writer for Lily Tomlin. I sort of thought it was a joke but it had so much to do with the name of my blog, I’ve even put this statement in the sub-title.
I’ll stick with my title, it seems a better fit for most of the stuff that has been going on recently.
Someone other than Wile E. Coyote finally fell for this one. Beep Beep!!!