The Truth About Woke

I’ve been tired of this since it started. I’ll bet I’m not alone.

These self-entitled ‘tards have ruined enough. I’m not going to stand for it anymore.

I’m torn between ignoring them because it is so stupid and stopping their push to ruin everyone’s life with their nonsense. It’s hard to believe they think they are right and it matters.

I realize there is no telling someone that won’t live in reality anything. They’ll have to wake up one day to realize how wrong they are about life.

Please stop ruining mine and take it somewhere else, anywhere but the USA.

Vegan Humor, All You Need Now Is Bacon

I have nothing against them, except they always tell you they are vegan. I feel sorry that they don’t get to enjoy the bacon cheeseburger that I’m having tonight.

Oh, I won’t be telling anyone I’m not vegan. They don’t want to know that either.

How Men Working Signs Should Actually Read

I always try to count how many are actually working.

I try to thank the sign workers who let the traffic flow when there is only one lane for both sides. They take a beating for holding up traffic, but it isn’t their fault.

When I worked in construction growing up, the lowest guy got the worst jobs. It’s an unwritten rule.

Another ACME Wile E. Coyote Trap For Humans

I need one of these for the people trying to sell me stuff or for pretty much anyone who doesn’t text and let me know they are coming first.

Regarding Monday Mornings

I swear I wrote this in my journal this morning. I was grateful that I got rid of that ball and chain a long time ago. I busted ass for a long time to be in this position and it is worth it, I Gar-un-tee it!

Sure I’m older now and don’t have as many years left, but Sunday night doesn’t suck as much knowing that if it’s a bad one, I don’t have to hate the next 24 hours.

When I watched the NFL before it went woke, I used to go to Monday Night Football and get home late and not sober. How I made it to work the next day and was able to get through it is beyond me now. I guess I was young and it didn’t affect me like it does now, even though I gave up all my bad habits.

Just not being able to sleep, which happens a lot now can ruin the next day.

I think I’m better off older.

Random Funny Thoughts

I had amnesia once — or twice.

*****

Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

*****

I am neither for nor against apathy.

*****

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

*****

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

*****

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

*****

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

*****

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

******

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

*****

One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.

*****

My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.

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The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

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How can there be self-help groups

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

*****

Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

I Guess I had An Awesome Childhood – For Those Who Get It

I absolutely did this a hundred times, then pelted everyone with them. It was when we played outside instead of in front of a screen.

Why I Don’t Argue On Line Anymore

I’ve written about Internet Road Rage and Stupid Things Smart People do. It’s also why I stay away from a lot of social media. My life is a lot happier that way. Also, I don’t have to worry about my body image that Zuckerberg lied about yesterday.

After All The Covid Posts, A Little Levity, X-Ray Style – Extreme Sarcasm

Now, I’m thinking of where I can get some ashes. I’ve done a lot of stuff and this gives me new ammunition

More Wedding Bouquet Humor – I’m Not Catching That One Either

She’s a keeper, in the black dress

Today’s Covid Humor, What I Did At Home

I’ve been content free, so enjoy the laugh and do the usual copy and post on your social media of choice.

The trikini and marriage stuff is funny. Some of the Covid stuff makes too much sense.

Some of it just makes you think.

Guy Stuff, Why We Aim When We Pee

If it can be aimed at, we give it a go. Piscuits are low hanging fruit. A moving bug is much more challenging. It also guarantee’s a mess, but we take the shot anyway. We also play peeing for distance and other childish games.

I’m sure girls think we are silly, but when a group of them were asked what they’d do if they had a dick, they said aim it when they piss. (guys said they’d feel their boobs if they had them and shoot milk at each other like a squirt gun, still a dick thing).

When there is a stain on the bowl, we won’t clean it if we can knock it off with a stream. Yes, we write whatever we can on the sidewalk and in the snow. The ones that say they don’t are lying, but a few do need their man card revoked. We don’t even have to be taught this trick. It’s instinctive to try it.

Why do we do it? Because we can. Sure, our equipment isn’t as pretty as females, but it is useful and a built in play toy. Why do you think we hold on to it so much?

Best of all, the whole world is our urinal if needed.

I even broke up with a girlfriend who got mad at me when I had to take a leak by the side of the road because she was worried what people would think of her. They wouldn’t ever look at her for laughing at me. I knew she wasn’t a keeper at that point. Every thing was a joke to me and she couldn’t take a joke. The woman I married knew how immature I can be and ignores it most of the time.

Guys in the morning

There are times I can pee on 3 things at once and not one of them is in the bowl. Every guy has done it. Forget it if you have morning wood, that’s God’s joke on you.

Ah, Men vs. Women, Here We Go Again – Humor Between the Sexes

I’ve posted a lot of stuff poking fun at both. Once, when partially serious I posted how and why we are different here.

When less serious about it, I posted how we see things differently, on how men and women see colors differently.

And now for today’s humor.

High IQ Humor – Math Style, Also Sort of A Sunday Message, Although Sarcastic

OK, not really spiritual, but clever.

I Need One Of These For Traffic Or Protestors

Owning one of these is the only time I’d want to live in Oregon, Washington (either one), California or New York. Let’s not forget that the same people have invaded Florida.

Actually, I should be banned from having one. I’d be in jail within minutes of buying it.

Star Trek, Life Imitates Art

It would be iconic to call him that over a 2 way radio. The jokes write themselves sometimes don’t they.

I’ve met William Shatner. He was an ok guy. I’m sure meeting people like me over and over is tedious, but he was good about it.

He still is my favorite Captain and there would be no Picard, Janeway, Sisko or others without the real Kirk.

Here we are, in Vegas of course.

Most shocking to me is that I was taller. I’m also a 3rd degree blackbelt so I could kick his ass no matter how many Romulans he’s killed.

This Is Me If I Were A Doctor

Oh, I’d write a lot of other stuff too. Imagine if an ex came in or a celebtard whining about their $20 million Disney contract? No telling what I’d write, but it would be good.

I know doctors pride themselves on straight lines when operating. They told me.

Just like the anti-matter a few posts below, there are some things I should be banned from doing. This would be close to the top of the list.

And You Think Your Job Sucks and No, I Couldn’t Keep a Straight Face

Not a chance I wouldn’t play with these and laugh my ass off. I’d also be reported to HR within minutes for some inappropriate joke. It would be worth it.

I wonder if these ladies take work home with them?

I Love Student’s Creative Answers In Biology Class and Boobs

I posted Hell explained by an engineering student that was so creative the teacher gave him a top score. I still laugh at that one (right Teresa?)?

Now, there is this one on Mother’s milk. It’s almost as creative and funny as the engineer.

The teacher has a sense of humor. I have no idea what number 7 really is, but the answer is good enough for me. I thought he was going to mention play toys at first.

Why Storm Troopers Can’t Shoot Strait Or Hit Anything – Men’s Edition

If you bother watching them in the movies, the are just target practice for the Rebels. These guys can’t hit a wall in front of them.

You kill one when you shoot a Storm Trooper, yet it’s ever only a wound when they shoot someone. Maybe they had vasectomies?

Anyway, this is me in the morning a lot of days. I think I’ve bulls eyed the bowl and I’ve pissed on who knows what.

What Is Amazon Prime Day Really Like?

I know they have free shipping, but there is always something else you want, not need and they put it in your face.

I’ve bought zilch this year. I realized that Amazon is discounting a lot of stuff to put their version of the products in your house.

Really, I don’t need more stuff and the deals aren’t that great anymore. There is also 2 million deals to sort through, most of which you could get for the same price by waiting and watching.

How Many Times Have I Wanted One Of These

My guess is this is at a bar so they don’t fall over.

I’m done with that in my life now so it’s me wanting to rest now.

How To Cook Bacon, Seriously Do People Need These Instructions?

Fortunately, it’s hard to get bacon wrong. It also makes everything tasted better. That is why there is bacon bits for instant bacon on your salad.

Covid Does NOT Change The Men’s Rules For Urinals.

This is so wrong above. The rules are if there is more than two urinals, the second guy goes to the furthest one. You always look straight ahead, but if you have to, you can only look the other guy in the eye.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DTySK0u2Ws4/maxresdefault.jpg

The second picture is how it is done. It just is.

How To Win A Fight With Your Wife

It is time sensitive though. Once you get back home the rules revert to whatever house rules are. It’s the little victories in life that count though.

I like the way this guy thinks.

More On Fashion Or Why Am I Staring At You

The masks are coming off and we can see your mug again. No more guessing who they are by the eyes. Now, we can see that nose ring in the post below.

Scratch #2 on the list. I don’t try that hard.

It Was Probably Me Who Did This

I’ve put socks in men’s pants (on a mannequin to make them look more manly.

Sock’s also look like #2 if they are brown. I’ve turned clothes around on displays and helped the hands move to places not unlike the picture.

I even waited around for the crowd approval as they walked by, not bothered by store security as they laughed.

Sometimes maturity is over-rated for laughs

A New Low In Climate Scares – A Smaller Penis

This is about climate warnings via scaring people, not whether there is global warming or whatever.

The trick to get people to do something is the carrot or stick. This one is kind of both.

I’m used to being told that the statue of liberty will drown or Miami Beach is going under water and rarely pay attention. I think they are just after money and will say almost anything.

Its a new low though when they go to your unit, your family jewels, the python of passion…..uh, stop right there. I think you get what I’m talking about.

Now, your dick is getting shorter or something. Really? If you want me to buy into this, at least make it believable.

Get this……

Erin Brockovich
Thu 18 Mar 2021 21.23 AEDT

The chemicals to blame for our reproductive crisis are found everywhere and in everything

The end of humankind? It may be coming sooner than we think, thanks to hormone-disrupting chemicals that are decimating fertility at an alarming rate around the globe. A new book called Countdown, by Shanna Swan, an environmental and reproductive epidemiologist at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York, finds that sperm counts have dropped almost 60% since 1973. Following the trajectory we are on, Swan’s research suggests sperm counts could reach zero by 2045. Zero. Let that sink in. That would mean no babies. No reproduction. No more humans. Forgive me for asking: why isn’t the UN calling an emergency meeting on this right now?

The chemicals to blame for this crisis are found in everything from plastic containers and food wrapping, to waterproof clothes and fragrances in cleaning products, to soaps and shampoos, to electronics and carpeting. Some of them, called PFAS, are known as “forever chemicals”, because they don’t breakdown in the environment or the human body. They just accumulate and accumulate – doing more and more damage, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Now, it seems, humanity is reaching a breaking point.

…Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/18/toxic-chemicals-health-humanity-erin-brokovich

Choose for yourself if you want to believe it. I’m going to protect my privates.

New DeWalt Combo Air Nailer/Assault Rifle

Washington thinks they are going to take  away our guns, so check this out……..sales of this new product  may skyrocket.

Introducing the perfect solution.  

You don’t have to REGISTER them  or  have LICENSE to own one ….

AND, you don’t have to worry about them being  CONCEALED!


New Nail Gun — made by DeWalt.

It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2×4 at 200 yards.

This  makes construction a breeze …… you can sit in your lawn chair and  build a fence.

Hundred round magazine.

If someone tries to rob your house — Nail his ass to the wall !!!

Thank you DeWalt!

 “IN GOD WE TRUST”

Work Phrases Explained

Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the email.

Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters.

All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.

Approved:
Needs revising

Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself.

Channels:
The trails left by interoffice emails.

Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.

Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.

Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.

FYI:
Found yesterday, interested?

In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her.

Let’s Get Together On This:
I’m assuming you’re as confused as I.

Note & Initial:
I’m not taking the fall for this myself.

Policy:
We can hide behind this.

Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I’m lonely.

Top Priority:
It may be stupid but the boss wants it.

We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer or we can’t find anyone willing to be responsible for this.

Will Advise In Due Course:
If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Get Older

#9  Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8  Life is sexually transmitted.

#7  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6   Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart.  If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3  All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

#2  In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal

#1  Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers.  What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

This Will Show You How Old You Really Are

I like Spike and Tyke, The Cat Concerto and many of the Hanna Barbera animations (the later ones weren’t as good). The one that won me over was Cat Fishin’ The episode is below.

And You Thought You Might Have Delusions of Grandeur?

“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.” – Jane Wagner

It turns out that Jane was a comedy writer for Lily Tomlin. I sort of thought it was a joke but it had so much to do with the name of my blog, I’ve even put this statement in the sub-title.

I’ll stick with my title, it seems a better fit for most of the stuff that has been going on recently.