Scaramouche, Scaramouche will you do the fandango
Hotel Practical Jokes
I hate hotels. It is a petri dish of other people’s germs and the usual lack of fastidiousness by the cleaning crew.
I thought this was funny though. My favorite part of any hotel stay is leaving. Here is a parting gift.
High IQ Pick Up Lines – Geek Out
I’m not sure these would work on your run of the mill girl.
The Real Difference Between Men And Women
My friend Joel Hagberg told me about this. With all the crap news going on, here’s a little (a lot of) humor.
In the current day when we have a Supreme Court Justice who can’t define what a woman is until there is a man involved, I have an easy test.
Here is the answer. Men think the 3 Stooges are funny. Yes, we can watch it and die laughing. Girls don’t get why we think it’s so funny.
Here’s a clip to make it easy. Separate 2 eggs is completely different for males and females, click to find out.
I for one find it hilarious.
Good Photo Bombs, Level Expert
The best I could do on my own was a dog taking a dump in the background. A lot of people have that. I’ve never made expert.
High IQ Humor – Ornithology Style
This was a good one for me. But that is my opinion.
High IQ Humor – Gang Signals or G-Spot Style
You tell me because I was never in a gang. I’ve found the other and had to explain it to kids during the sex talk.
More Pi Day Humor
Happy 3.14159 Day
Road Rage A**holes
I see them all the time.
Covid brought out the worst in some people. I got yelled at for riding bikes with a group of people by a Karen in a car. I said thank you out loud and fork you to myself.
High IQ Humor – Marine Biology Style
It wouldn’t be as good as flying, but changing colors would almost as good as shape shifting.
Department Of Redundancy Department
Unfortunately, I’m good at that, unfortunately. The title was coined by Ben Greene at CORE International, now defunct.
Gilligan’s Island, The Epitaph
It was a good TV show when I was a kid. My Mom dreaded that I watched such nonsense and that it would certainly ruin me. I didn’t get any smarter by watching the show. It provided me with clean entertainment as compared to the woke TV the kids get now.
There were some things that didn’t make sense.
The professor could charge batteries for their radio by stirring coconuts, but couldn’t fix the Minnow?
Finally, my answer. It was Ginger, My how things have changed…
She’s the only one of the cast left
Two New Dating Services For Very Distinct And Rare Groups – Unjected And……….
This one is the joke, the next isn’t. She married her brother and hates the USA.
Now for the real one.
Given the deaths of young men and the fertility killing Covid kill shot, some people not only won’t get jabbed, but don’t want to date those who were lemmings. I admit it’s a tangential IQ test. If you got one, you failed science and critical thinking classes. I understand why you should question those who did.
It’s called Unjected. At least you know your partner won’t be infertile because of a gene therapy shot and has a chance at reproduction. They won’t die early because of Myocarditis or unnatural cancer either.
Not that I’ve been in the dating pool for a while, but I’d consider this one.
Here’s a screenshot.
What I find the most ironic is that Covid used to be a pandemic of the “unvaccinated”. Those people were the pariah’s of the world because they wouldn’t line up like sheep for slaughter.
Now, the science is proving what some of us thought all along. Elon Musk says the evidence will be out soon, not that I expect anyone to believe it who got the clot shot. They have to worry the rest of their lives as to what is going to happen.
Yes! Kids Come Through Again With Classroom Projects Looking Like A Nut Sack
Mine would have wrinkles drawn on them. If it were 3D, they would move on their own for no reason.
Word Placement Matters
Especially to Climate worshipers
Taco Bell Aftermath, By A Student
When you have to get a colonoscopy, I’d rather just eat there than drink that nasty sauce. The result is the same.
High IQ Humor – En françes
This one is clever. Dans la piscine. C’est le vie
Another Pennywise Warning, Post Valentine’s….If You Get IT
Like Valentines Day, it is a clown show.
I Dialed This Number 100+ Times As A Kid, How Far Tech Has Come
back then it was 422-1611, I’ll never forget it.
Go Ahead, Try To See If You Can See The Lines Straight, No Chance
My eyes go crazy looking at this
Why The T-Rex Was So Angry, The Part History Got Wrong
It’s not because his arms were too short to fap.
High IQ Humor – Breast Style
Everyone loves boob jokes.
Dang, It Must Be A Really Rough Road
Tighten your Bra? Seriously?
What Every Man Wants To Hear
I’m pretty sure this is true.
What Happens To Guys When It Gets Cold
Double bonus here, it makes fun of vegetarians. No one is buying Beyond Meats as their stock is falling. I guess it tastes like it looks.
Even the companies don’t know if their meat is safe to eat
Lab-grown meat is often made using immortalized cell lines, which, unlike regular cells, are capable of continuously dividing and growing in a manner similar to cancer cells, according to Bloomberg. Companies developing lab-grown meats have largely remained silent about the connection between their product and cancer cells, possibly in a bid to keep consumers from getting skittish about their products.
Star Trek Humor – Data Style
Yes, we all do this
Hard Lemonade, Childish Dick Humor Style
Yes, my inner 12 year old got let out again
High IQ Humor – Entomology Style (Also Math)
It reminds me of the Pink Panther parody, dead ant, dead ant (sing it to the song)
Stuff That Is Annoying To Look At
Let’s not forget the Europeans that wear socks with their sandals.
Star Wars Humor – With Frogs And Hyperspace
Also a stretch, but bend your mind
Separated At Birth?
From my childhood, being a Looney Tunes aficionado. The episode is called Bully for Bugs. Classic line, Stop steaming up my tail and of course, you know this means war.
Dick Jokes, If Told By A Girl
I bet she’d want to write her name in the snow and on the wall too.
As for me, I can’t get them to fit as the hole is too small, but I imagine I could fit a dozen or so (only if I smashed them flat together)
This is how it is being a man. It’s much more than donuts. We hang towels also.
And this is how we do it, and stuff all guys know.
but first, you have to know the guy rules we knew when we were born
Written By Willie Make It, Illustrated by Betty Don’t
Another childhood book, like revenge of the tiger, but Claude Balls; Yellow River by I P Freely….there are hundreds of them
Hat tip to wirecutter.
I think her kids names are Beavis and Butt-head.
High IQ Humor, Electrician Style
I hope everyone gets this
My Childish Humor Strikes Again
Oh yes, I could say it with a straight face, depending on the other person. I just texted my friend George that there were a lot of balls to juggle, instead balls in the air.
I still call them wiener’s if there is a chance the other person will feel uncomfortable.
Hat tip to wirecutter on this one. It was too good to not share.
You Had One Job……
My Dad told me if you are going to do a job, do it right. He was an engineer and everything was perfect, every time.
High IQ Humor, Star Wars And Electricity Style
Unfortunately, it was when the Storm troopers could shoot straight.
High IQ Humor, Education Style
This one was a reach, but enjoy
How Reading The Paper In The Dumper Has Changed
Thanks to Woosterman for this one.
There is more technology in a watch now than what took us to the moon 50 years ago.
Another Gotcha For Looking At This
Making Childish Jokes About Lawyer’s Names
You have to know Phil McCraken is a butt crack joke. Hiscock should have just changed his name
For all the names, here is your song that says them all. Seymour Butts, Jack N. Off, Stu Pedaso…their all in here
High IQ Humor – Alphabet Style
Stuff Like This Is Irritating As Hell
Again from Wirecutter.
I hate stuff like this. It’s like a picture that is crooked or one cord shorter than the other.
The Webb Space Telescope Finds Romulan Neutral Zone
I’m sure it’s one of the wide diversity of galaxies at the beginning of the universe. If you see one of these buried in the pictures below, run. Look for a cloaking device also.
Actually, it the telescope took excellent photos from a long time ago.
New data from the Webb Space Telescope and presented this week at an astronomy conference has found that galaxies in the early universe exhibit much of the same range of shapes and morphologies seen in the recent universe, a result that was not expected.
The image to the right comes from the press release. You can read the research paper here [pdf].
The study examined 850 galaxies at redshifts of z three through nine, or as they were roughly 11-13 billion years ago. Associate Professor Jeyhan Kartaltepe from Rochester Institute of Technology’s School of Physics and Astronomy said that JWST’s ability to see faint high redshift galaxies in sharper detail than Hubble allowed the team of researchers to resolve more features and see a wide mix of galaxies, including many with mature features such as disks and spheroidal components.
“There have been previous studies emphasizing that we see a lot of galaxies with disks at high redshift, which is true, but in this study we also see a lot of galaxies with other structures, such as spheroids and irregular shapes, as we do at lower redshifts,” said Kartaltepe, lead author on the paper and CEERS co-investigator. “This means that even at these high redshifts, galaxies were already fairly evolved and had a wide range of structures.”
The results of the study, which have been posted to ArXiv and accepted for publication in The Astrophysical Journal, demonstrate JWST’s advances in depth, resolution, and wavelength coverage compared to Hubble. Out of the 850 galaxies used in the study that were previously identified by Hubble, 488 were reclassified with different morphologies after being shown in more detail with JWST. Kartaltepe said scientists are just beginning to reap the benefits of JWST’s impressive capabilities and are excited by what forthcoming data will reveal.
“This tells us that we don’t yet know when the earliest galaxy structures formed,” said Kartaltepe. “We’re not yet seeing the very first galaxies with disks. We’ll have to examine a lot more galaxies at even higher redshifts to really quantify at what point in time features like disks were able to form.”
In other words, it appears galaxies of all shapes, as we see them today, already existed 11-13 billion years ago, shortly after the universe was born. This defies most theories about the formation of the universe, which predict that these early galaxies would be different than today’s.
The data however at this point is sparse. Webb has only begun this work, and as Kartaltepe notes, they need to look a lot more galaxies.
High IQ Humor – Anatomy Style
A Double High IQ Humor – Astrophysics And Sarcasm Style
High IQ Humor – Thermal/Geometry Style
Somewhere There Is A Teenager Naming His Johnson After This
The jokes about eating write themselves now.
A lot of men have a name for their dicks. I’ve heard endless versions. Some are more creative than others.
Everyone copied theirs from someone else except my friend Mitchell. His was the Mighty Throbber.
Another Version Of The Men Working Sign
A New Reason Pigs Should Fly
I got this from Wirecutter at Knuckledraggin.
I couple of posts ago, I posted on pigs flying (our budget debt) as sarcasm.
This one beats that by a mile in the sarcasm column. I only wish I’d thought of it.
Revenge Against Vegans
I think they are a bit too much. They all share the same trait we all know. It’s the first thing they tell you. I think it is the first rule of being one, you have to tell everyone as soon as you meet them.
They lose it if meat or eggs touches something of theirs, but no meat eaters are losing their shit over their dinner being touched by Tofu (we’ve already thrown it away if it makes it in the house). I thought that made them the maddest, until the funny meme above.
I can be hard on some groups, but the most I can say about the vegans is they are annoying. It’s another group with a passion in a strange direction in life. Most vegan groups through history died of malnutrition (or because of excessive annoyance) and their attempts at this trend usually die out.
Even the traveling whore (flight attendant with legs spread for all) I dated in college reappeared to tell me she is vegan. I didn’t need to know that she was any crazier than she already is. I already got rid of her once. Why reappear to tell me something this silly?
Were I a doctor, I’d prescribe bacon. Vegans make a bunch of fake stuff to look and taste like meat, why not enjoy the real thing.
Happy World Introvert Day
May we celebrate together, but alone and separately. Talk to you tomorrow because I’m not talking today.
It’s my favorite holiday after just suffering through Christmas and New Years. I can be alone today. Somewhere out there (although probably quiet) my fellow souls finally have some joy. It’s doubtful others will hear about it as we don’t boast, and other times you can’t get a word in edge wise for all the yapping.
I know and so do others.
PS, I’m not an INFJ.
This next one is me. I’m always in the back, next to the door so I can leave if I need to escape or panic
Irony, Star Trek Style
I Like This Dick Measuring Contest
Because that is what it is. It’s like the longest drive, fastest car, number of wins your team got, name it.
There are some that are hard to top. They are conversation stoppers, also one of my favorites.
I won’t compare it to my schools because I put as much distance as I can from both my high school and college, both school and people. Those people would lose every time to the non-woke army.
If it weren’t for the Nazi thing, this would be the ultimate dick measuring contest for a school. Based on my work experience, I’ve noted how overrated the Ivy League schools are, and you can include others like UNC-CH, Duke and most California schools. They turn out losers now that are more concerned about gender and race than history and education.
Still, if it came down to it and someone started giving me the Harvard or Notre Dame speech. I’d like to say I’m from the Panzer School and we’d blow your doors off, literally. That’s a show stopper.
It’s like someone bragging they play golf and you answer, Hi, I’m Tiger Woods.
When They Become Cannibals
I knew an Italian Dr with a bag and shoe fetish that only a Dr.’s salary could support. She said it was an addiction. I say it’s a waste of money.
It is for girls to show off to other girls. Guys don’t care about the bags, necklaces, rings or makeup.
She spent 10’s of thousands for other girls I guess. Other than being a good Dr, even her sister said her life was effed up.
Why You Should Mind Your Own Business
Especially mine. I guess I’m getting grumpier, but then so is Clint Eastwood and he doesn’t catch any grief about it.
A Different Merry Christmas
High IQ Humor, Trailer Trash Style
If It’s Really Good, It’s Porking Good
I used pork for the proverbial f-word back in the 60’s. It’s not new, but who ever labeled this was a genius. And gluten free!
This is an actual shot at my local grocery store.
Christmas Sarcasm, For Those Who Remember The Fake Words
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, the bat mobile lost a wheel and the commissioner broke his leg.
We 3 kings from Orient are, tried to smoke a rubber cigar. It was loaded it exploded that was the end of us.
I’m sure there were others.
Competitive Eating Update, When Joey Chestnut Sharted His Pants
Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has been one of my favorite sports for years, since Kobayashi was king. My wife thinks it is one of the grossest competitions ever held, adding to my enjoyment.
I heard an interview with Joey Chestnut about taking a dump the next day after downing 70 hot dogs. I’ve wondered about that also.
What I didn’t know was that he’s done it while competing. Gross I know, but it didn’t stand in the way of him winning.
At least he’s honest about it.
High IQ Humor – Stoner Style
Spaceballs, In Real Life
High IQ Humor, Teacher Style
This would be me, but not because of science. I’d try to knock the end one off the swing.
When A Bass Boat Becomes A Student Loan
I’ve had 2 of them. I fished with guys who had a bigger loan on their boat than their mortgage. I paid for mine on a credit card I recall to get frequent flyer points.
Everything you hear about owning a boat is pretty much true. Best/Worst day, hole in the water where you dump your money and so forth.
It was fun, but I didn’t see how those guys could afford it, but here you go.
High IQ Humor – Chemistry Style
Girls Lie Too, Size Doesn’t Matter
They can pass a baby there. Don’t tell me I’ve got something that’s going to top that.
Some People Are Just Animals
Words Used Wrong, Wrongly, Wrongest, Wrongish…Whatever You Get The Point
This goes with the Public Speaking Words That Should Be Banned
What We See When You Use Filters On Your Selfies
High IQ Humor – Physics Style
I Might Have To Spice Up My Own Funeral
I’m not dying that I know of, but if I was, this would be the last piece of sarcasm I’d leave behind.
Fighting Your Blanket At Night
Add a dog and voila, cold feet or one side 10 degrees different than the other.
Tips For Introverts To Be A Better Conversationalist
See me for more help.
(hat tip woosterman)
I may not say it (all the time) out loud, but you can bet I say it in my head.
Translation, We Shot Him In the Dick
Polk County Sheriff’s deputies shot an arsonist his his manhood.
“We’ve changed the looks of his groin forever — if you know what I mean,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said at a press conference.
Luke Neely is facing a number of charges after he threw molotov cocktails at a house and then led police on a high speed chase. The chase ended near Dinosaur World when police opened fire.
Neely was found with a loaded AR-15 and a fully loaded handgun.
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He’s been charged with 3 counts of attempted first-degree murder, arson, 7 counts of firebombing and one count of resisting arrest. More charges from Hillsborough County are pending.
Neely is expected to survive his injuries, but is not expected to be able to procreate.
High IQ Humor – Chemistry Style
If I Was A Gardner, I’d Do This
I once timed a resignation to my birthday as a present to myself. I can be this childish though. My sense of humor allows it.
How To Win Thanksgiving
Money, Politics and Religion, Ha!
This year you say something stupid and it’s going to be you sound vaccinated. I am loaded for bear should anyone question who got things right the last few years and who is a conspiracy theorist.
Since I’m the only unjabbed person I know, I’m the final boss. Always be the boss.
What’s In A School Name? A Lot
Nose Hair Extensions, They’ve Taken It Too Far This Time
Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.
And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…
Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.
I Might Watch SNL For The First Time In Years
The snowflake SJW woke little crybabies in NY are so hurt by words that they won’t support one of the best comedians since Richard Pryor.
People that won’t do their jobs should be fired. Then hire un-woke funny writers.
I can’t take the woke crap and Trump bashing. If it were funny, I’d watch like I used to.
With these children gone for a week and Chapelle hosting, it has a chance of being good tonight.
For the rest of the staff, work or be fired.
Me, Waiting For A Sign As To How The Election Turned Out
More On The Gender Neutral Bathroom We Grew Up With
I would love to say that, or to the people at the bottom that they are at the dickhead.
I know I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old. It’s one of the better things about me.
Middle Age Summed Up, And Yes It’s True
1 and 2 yes.
3 no because I exercise a lot
4 includes medicine
5 been happening for decades
6 worn glasses forever it seems
7 and 8 are expected, but I’ve been in software a long time so no biggie other than what to do while it’s happening
9 Hell, I won’t make a Dr appointment that early and I’ve been up for a while
10 I keep wondering if I’ll break my day record for this every week
12 The one problem on the list I don’t have
The Gender Neutral Bathroom
While this is a piece of modern art depicting the world as a cesspool, It is how I feel when I go to do laps after kids have been in the pool.
I fear the adults do it also as I know the competitive swimmers all admitted it.
Stuff I Want At My Funeral
A good cat fight, subject unnecessary.
Hat tip to wirecutter.