I’m not dying that I know of, but if I was, this would be the last piece of sarcasm I’d leave behind.
Add a dog and voila, cold feet or one side 10 degrees different than the other.
See me for more help.
(hat tip woosterman)
I may not say it (all the time) out loud, but you can bet I say it in my head.
Polk County Sheriff’s deputies shot an arsonist his his manhood.
“We’ve changed the looks of his groin forever — if you know what I mean,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said at a press conference.
Luke Neely is facing a number of charges after he threw molotov cocktails at a house and then led police on a high speed chase. The chase ended near Dinosaur World when police opened fire.
Neely was found with a loaded AR-15 and a fully loaded handgun.
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He’s been charged with 3 counts of attempted first-degree murder, arson, 7 counts of firebombing and one count of resisting arrest. More charges from Hillsborough County are pending.
Neely is expected to survive his injuries, but is not expected to be able to procreate.
I once timed a resignation to my birthday as a present to myself. I can be this childish though. My sense of humor allows it.
Money, Politics and Religion, Ha!
This year you say something stupid and it’s going to be you sound vaccinated. I am loaded for bear should anyone question who got things right the last few years and who is a conspiracy theorist.
Since I’m the only unjabbed person I know, I’m the final boss. Always be the boss.
Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.
And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…
Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.
The snowflake SJW woke little crybabies in NY are so hurt by words that they won’t support one of the best comedians since Richard Pryor.
People that won’t do their jobs should be fired. Then hire un-woke funny writers.
I can’t take the woke crap and Trump bashing. If it were funny, I’d watch like I used to.
With these children gone for a week and Chapelle hosting, it has a chance of being good tonight.
For the rest of the staff, work or be fired.
I would love to say that, or to the people at the bottom that they are at the dickhead.
I know I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old. It’s one of the better things about me.
1 and 2 yes.
3 no because I exercise a lot
4 includes medicine
5 been happening for decades
6 worn glasses forever it seems
7 and 8 are expected, but I’ve been in software a long time so no biggie other than what to do while it’s happening
9 Hell, I won’t make a Dr appointment that early and I’ve been up for a while
10 I keep wondering if I’ll break my day record for this every week
12 The one problem on the list I don’t have
While this is a piece of modern art depicting the world as a cesspool, It is how I feel when I go to do laps after kids have been in the pool.
I fear the adults do it also as I know the competitive swimmers all admitted it.
A good cat fight, subject unnecessary.
Hat tip to wirecutter.
I’m retired and do what I want. It saves the hate I had for getting up early. The getting an extra hour’s sleep was always good for me.
It sounds like my son, even as an adult.
Kobayashi Maru anyone?
Just let me listen a bit longer.
Engine starting, for those who get it.
Don’t do this.
Or try to be tech support for your spouse.
It’s a guy rule. You have to get all of the bags from car to house in one trip. Other stuff is seeing how far away the garage door opener will work from your house. If you can make a throw to the trashcan easily, you have to add difficulty to it like behind the back or use the other hand.
The list goes on.
Take that bit of sarcasm and irony.
Whatever you want, unless you can be Batman. Always be Batman.
I really mean it…
If any of you remember Weird Al Jankovic’s version of Branded.
I’ve had this happen to me in Europe. I was prepared, but others not so much.
No, I’m this old
That’s right. DOS 1.0. I was a DOS giant before it was a thing. I was also a VisiCalc expert.
I worked with the guy that invented ctrl-alt-del. David Bradley, although at a different time.
That’s how old I am.
To be fair, telling me to calm down is lighting the fuse next to the explosive also.
I don’t know why I laughed when I saw this, but it was funny then so here you go.
Spell check catches a lot of my mistakes. I’ve noticed a trend recently when I write a word that I can’t find anywhere, so I started keeping a list. I’m sure that some of these should be words and I’ve used them in posts already.
Some may actually be words and I’m wrong about it, but I didn’t win the National Spelling Bee or grammar contest either.
Here’s my list so far. I’ll add to it as I make stuff up. I’ll take contributions if you have one and give you credit on the blog.
Christmasness – too much Christmas
Dickness – acting like a dick
Assholiness – speaks for itself
Incorrecter – more incorrect
Silenting – silencing someone
Frothily – frothy
Ender – the event that signals the end of something. That goal was the ender of the game.
Holify – translation of sanctify from the Greek, but we don’t have that word in english.
Sandwichable – things you can put in a sandwich, or a nice girl in a tight place
Introverting – avoiding people
Ineptocracy – Biden administration
Propagandish – sort of propaganda
Pussify – make less manly or more cowardly
Impartation – to take part of
Hero’d – being a hero at something, I’m super hero’d out I’ve seen it so many times
Jonesy – jonesing about something, I feel jonesy
Dumbassery – doing dumb things
Unintimidating – not intimidating
There aren’t a lot of us around that can do this. I wonder if they’ll lend a helping hand.
Because, it turns out that the jab can make you infertile or give you ED.
Pfizer’s mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine, in Fact, Cause an Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility
On June 22, 2022, Andrology published a bombshell study  – which did not even include the effects of additional booster injections – showed a staggering drop in male fertility, with an average decrease of 22.1% across the study group, from the initial injections alone.
The investigators studied participants for five months after they received Pfizer’s vaccine. At close to six months post-vaccination, sperm concentration, motility, and total motile count were all still in significant states of decline versus pre-vaccination levels. Sperm concentration had not recovered at all and was, in fact, at its lowest point yet.
Despite these alarming outcomes, the published study went on to encourage vaccination.
Alarmingly, men continue to receive incomprehensibly contradictory messages, being told to keep injecting the mRNA vaccines even when the study that contains these exhortations, clearly demonstrates adverse fertility results – for men.
Champion, Dick Champion
But, I remembered I am stuck on Band-Aids because…..
However, I forgot why I was in a room twice yesterday.
Short shorts was a Godsend for a young hormonal man. Of course, childishness set in on sometimes you feel like a nut, which should have been next to number 8
This is like me getting stuck looking (and laughing) at meme’s. Also me being a guy and being in my nothing box for hours.
Bonus, both of them together courtesy of wirecutter.
I either do it now, or write it down. The option to that is forgetting.
Of course there is the golf joke about the guy who played a round with his buddies shouting and laughing. After the round as they headed to the parking lot, he told them at the end to not talk to him. When asked why, he said he’s told his wife he’s been deaf for 5 years and he didn’t want to spoil it.
Things they take for a walk there.
It was every man’s fantasy. I was going to be in a den of women I’d never met and I’d never see again. They were there just for me during my time. It was something I needed to do before I die and did.
Here is the same story told from alternate points of view.
VERSION ONE, WITH THE SEX STUFF
I went there with a little anticipation. The whole thought of what I knew was going to happen set my nerves on fire. After all, even though I’ve been with many women, I’d never done this before. The first time for anything can be both a little unnerving and get you worked up simultaneously.
As I walked in, I was greeted by the first of the lovely ladies I would meet that day. She led me to where the whole thing was going to go down.
I had a seat and was told the ladies who would attend to my needs would come and welcome me to our private soiree. I saw that it was going to be two on one today.
While the tension was building, I had that tingling sensation between my legs, anticipating what was soon to happen.
In only a short time, I was ready to get started as Penelope and Kelly came out and took me to the back room. Their faces were hidden from me and I wondered if this was kinky or did they do this for everyone. Despite me being nervous, Penelope told me that they were experienced and there was nothing for me to worry about. She then told me to take off my clothes and lie back and enjoy what she’d done many times before. They even had my private bed clothes laid out for me to change into before we got down to business.
I have to admit, my heart began to race as I was going to be vulnerable at the hands of two women I’d only just met. Wanting to get on with it, I gladly laid down as they came over. The clothes didn’t fit as well as I wanted, but I figured that they would come off soon so it didn’t matter. I was far more interested in what they were about to do to me versus that what I looked like. I’d be looking at their faces between my legs anyway.
And so it began.
Penelope started first. There was a little small talk as she applied a generous amount of lubricant and reached up the sheet. It made it all the way to my manhood and it felt warm to the touch.
For 15 minutes, she went back and forth and up and down, slowly and sometimes stopping. She talked to me softly and told me everything she was going to do to me. Before she finished with me, she asked me if Kelly could join us. When I said yes, this is what I saw between my legs. Penelope guided Kelly’s hand to the same place and told her how to move it up and down then side to side. She made sure that no place was left untouched. I was watching 2 women’s hands doing their magic together.
Like all things, we finished and the girls left. I was alone to clean up, get dressed and be on my way, never to set eyes on either again. I knew this was probably a one time experience.
I walked away knowing a good thing happened. I didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt nor did I think I’d cheated. I even paid for this and didn’t mind.
OK, HERE’S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
I had to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound on my boys. They gave me an old gown to wear. The technicians had N-95 masks on as did I so I never saw their faces. One was the lead and the other was a student who needed instruction on where to move the ultrasound wand.
I was covered up the whole time and was uncomfortable given what was happening.
The other version sounded way more interesting to me than what really happened.
Follow me for other recipes.
I’ve finally learned not to stack buckets.
I know the jokes. 10 guys at work with one holding the sign and only one actually working.
Here’s another version from their side.
Or geometry, take your pick. Circle back when you get it.
I absolutely would do this. I’m just pissed I haven’t thought of it before.
The cashier could be male or female (still the only genders science can prove) and they will judge you by the size you pick. Think about that.
Hat tip to Wirecutter
See the Harvard short bus a couple of posts down.
Most of what I really learned happened after I started working. I get that an Ivy League degree gets you into the club in New York, but the rest of the world doesn’t care. The good workers rise to the top no matter where you studied.
Now, what you study matters. See below for examples.
I made some references below to everyone going to school. It’s not true. I’ve worked with plumbers who didn’t graduate high school, but had a Ph.D in their hands. They are as successful or more than a lot of college grads I’ve had to put up with.
I think the right college and the right degree are good and can be useful in life. You have to make the right choice on both. I don’t see a lot of that these days by those who need loan forgiveness.
And finally, the truth of the whole student loan crisis.
And how it began
Here is the original, but the one above properly reflects the discrimination polices and the social justice studies they call a degree these days.
After all, here is your Harvard degree.
I had a lot of these growing up and made them more dangerous if possible. Instructions? If I read them, it didn’t mean I followed them.
Where were our parents? They bought us these killers and told us to go outside and play. I never had supervision other than don’t hurt the other kids, which was the point of all our games anyway.
I never had a Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab with real radiation.
In 1951, A.C. Gilbert introduced his U-238 Atomic Energy Lab, a radioactive learning set we can only assume was fun for the whole math club. Gilbert, who Americanmemorabilia claims was “often compared to Walt Disney for his creative genius,” had a dream that nuclear power could capture the imaginations of children everywhere. For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity.
Here are the rest of the 10. If you don’t have the time, lawn darts IS on the list and I threw them at other kids and had them thrown at me.
Now, the Karen’s of the world have ruined the fun, or tried to make it woke.
At least the real red shirts weren’t as annoying as Simmons is.
Will the real Peg Bundy please stand up? Bruce at least has already won woman of the year. One of them is a girl also.
After reaching both puberty and achieving my drivers license, we drove around and made up games. It was sort of like video games in real life.
Everyone has been in a car and someone scores a target based on how many points you get if you open the door by driving and hit them, or just hit them with the car. Before you gasp, this was teenage boys showing off without ever following through. It garnered a good laugh and we always did the same. We drove past the target and counted the score based on who called it first. No lives were lost that I know of.
But here were the rules…..
Old People or disabled – no score as they moved slow and are too easy to hit
Mooning old people – extra points if they grab their heart and gasp (ok, we really did this one)
Young couples or families – a double score, but still low as the kids are like old people, slow and easy
Regular pedestrians – multiple score if you get more than one
All of these are walkers, and aren’t much of a challenge. For higher scores, move on to….
Bikers – A fairly high score as they are a moving target and satisfying if they are holding up traffic. This can only be scored with an open door as hitting with a car wouldn’t be a challenge. The faster the biker, the higher the points. Multiple bikers garners a multiple score, like a 7-10 split.
Motorcycles – A very high score as they are fast. A lower but more satisfying score if you open the door while stopped in traffic and catch one cutting between cars.
Animals -no score as you should lose points if you hurt one. They don’t know you are playing a game.
Practice – revving your car while stopped before someone crosses the sidewalk, then waving them to cross as you keep revving. The smart ones will just say no and not cross.
Everyone else just wishes they would stop telling us they are vegan. It’s like a punishment they have to confess to feel morally superior.
I like bacon, steaks, cheese, eggs and a lot of stuff they miss out on. Go eat some grass and tell me how good it is. You already know how good a steak is.
Well, someone actually made it, I just can’t believe it.
Ok, not from Ikea, but I’ve had to put stuff together that I got there which had more pieces.
What’s next, tuna casserole? A sideways sloppy Joe?
They are moving in up here in hippie town. The U-Hauls are driving in like a tank brigade.
The locals are the ones that give me the most entertainment.
Here is one that I’ll guess has dyed hair, tattoo’s and piercings. I would have guessed a cat, but she already let me know about that one.
This next one is a typical mountain car. The armrest is on the outside, the headlights are taped on, the hood is dented and the windshield is cracked. It’s a Sequoia, which once was a very nice car. I’m guessing this one will get driven until it dies.
I’m back in hippie town for a while. The masks are on and I saw this very thing back in the stores after being gone for months.
Both scientifically proven not to stop Covid, but yet the sheep are still willing to follow and jump off the cliff.
We still don’t have flying cars or push button meals, or Rosie the robot. Also, damn am I getting old
I guess this was Shakespeare’s version.
This is for the vax damaged and covidiots who are getting boosted. I’ve burnt out on Covid since the truth is coming out so posting has been light.
I’m looking for the next thing to discover what TPTB are doing to us, like the election coming up……maybe.
How much did the brain (brian) evolve?
I feel better knowing that by this equation, I would be the champion horse and as a person, I’m damn near royalty.
Thanks Phil, at Bustedknuckles.