fun

Nose Hair Extensions, They’ve Taken It Too Far This Time

/ John / 1 Comment

Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.

And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BadLJYHn1QC/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.

I Might Watch SNL For The First Time In Years

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The snowflake SJW woke little crybabies in NY are so hurt by words that they won’t support one of the best comedians since Richard Pryor.

People that won’t do their jobs should be fired. Then hire un-woke funny writers.

I can’t take the woke crap and Trump bashing. If it were funny, I’d watch like I used to.

With these children gone for a week and Chapelle hosting, it has a chance of being good tonight.

For the rest of the staff, work or be fired.

Words I Made Up

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Spell check catches a lot of my mistakes. I’ve noticed a trend recently when I write a word that I can’t find anywhere, so I started keeping a list. I’m sure that some of these should be words and I’ve used them in posts already.

Some may actually be words and I’m wrong about it, but I didn’t win the National Spelling Bee or grammar contest either.

Here’s my list so far. I’ll add to it as I make stuff up. I’ll take contributions if you have one and give you credit on the blog.

Christmasness – too much Christmas

Commerciality

Dickness – acting like a dick

Assholiness – speaks for itself

Incorrecter – more incorrect

Silenting – silencing someone

Frothily – frothy

Ender – the event that signals the end of something. That goal was the ender of the game.

Holify – translation of sanctify from the Greek, but we don’t have that word in english.

Sandwichable – things you can put in a sandwich, or a nice girl in a tight place

Introverting – avoiding people

Libtardedness

Conservatardedness

Ineptocracy – Biden administration

Fuckedupness

Propagandish – sort of propaganda

Pussify – make less manly or more cowardly

Impartation – to take part of

Hero’d – being a hero at something, I’m super hero’d out I’ve seen it so many times

Jonesy – jonesing about something, I feel jonesy

Dumbassery – doing dumb things

Unintimidating – not intimidating

An Idea That Will Make Me A Millionaire, The Jabbed Males Are Becoming Infertile

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hat tip Irish

There aren’t a lot of us around that can do this. I wonder if they’ll lend a helping hand.

Because, it turns out that the jab can make you infertile or give you ED.

Story here:

Pfizer’s “Vaccine” Causes Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility – Men Have Not Been Informed nor Given Their Consent

Excerpt:

Pfizer’s mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine, in Fact, Cause an Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility

On June 22, 2022, Andrology published a bombshell study [6] – which did not even include the effects of additional booster injections – showed a staggering drop in male fertility, with an average decrease of 22.1% across the study group, from the initial injections alone.

The investigators studied participants for five months after they received Pfizer’s vaccine. At close to six months post-vaccination, sperm concentration, motility, and total motile count were all still in significant states of decline versus pre-vaccination levels. Sperm concentration had not recovered at all and was, in fact, at its lowest point yet.

Despite these alarming outcomes, the published study went on to encourage vaccination.

Alarmingly, men continue to receive incomprehensibly contradictory messages, being told to keep injecting the mRNA vaccines even when the study that contains these exhortations, clearly demonstrates adverse fertility results – for men.

Introvert Humor, How Far Will You Go To Avoid People?

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Of course there is the golf joke about the guy who played a round with his buddies shouting and laughing. After the round as they headed to the parking lot, he told them at the end to not talk to him. When asked why, he said he’s told his wife he’s been deaf for 5 years and he didn’t want to spoil it.

Two Completely Different Versions Of The Same Story – Proof That Sex Sells

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It was every man’s fantasy. I was going to be in a den of women I’d never met and I’d never see again. They were there just for me during my time. It was something I needed to do before I die and did.

Here is the same story told from alternate points of view.

VERSION ONE, WITH THE SEX STUFF

I went there with a little anticipation. The whole thought of what I knew was going to happen set my nerves on fire. After all, even though I’ve been with many women, I’d never done this before. The first time for anything can be both a little unnerving and get you worked up simultaneously.

As I walked in, I was greeted by the first of the lovely ladies I would meet that day. She led me to where the whole thing was going to go down.

I had a seat and was told the ladies who would attend to my needs would come and welcome me to our private soiree. I saw that it was going to be two on one today.

While the tension was building, I had that tingling sensation between my legs, anticipating what was soon to happen.

In only a short time, I was ready to get started as Penelope and Kelly came out and took me to the back room. Their faces were hidden from me and I wondered if this was kinky or did they do this for everyone. Despite me being nervous, Penelope told me that they were experienced and there was nothing for me to worry about. She then told me to take off my clothes and lie back and enjoy what she’d done many times before. They even had my private bed clothes laid out for me to change into before we got down to business.

I have to admit, my heart began to race as I was going to be vulnerable at the hands of two women I’d only just met. Wanting to get on with it, I gladly laid down as they came over. The clothes didn’t fit as well as I wanted, but I figured that they would come off soon so it didn’t matter. I was far more interested in what they were about to do to me versus that what I looked like. I’d be looking at their faces between my legs anyway.

And so it began.

Penelope started first. There was a little small talk as she applied a generous amount of lubricant and reached up the sheet. It made it all the way to my manhood and it felt warm to the touch.

For 15 minutes, she went back and forth and up and down, slowly and sometimes stopping. She talked to me softly and told me everything she was going to do to me. Before she finished with me, she asked me if Kelly could join us. When I said yes, this is what I saw between my legs. Penelope guided Kelly’s hand to the same place and told her how to move it up and down then side to side. She made sure that no place was left untouched. I was watching 2 women’s hands doing their magic together.

Like all things, we finished and the girls left. I was alone to clean up, get dressed and be on my way, never to set eyes on either again. I knew this was probably a one time experience.

I walked away knowing a good thing happened. I didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt nor did I think I’d cheated. I even paid for this and didn’t mind.

OK, HERE’S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

I had to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound on my boys. They gave me an old gown to wear. The technicians had N-95 masks on as did I so I never saw their faces. One was the lead and the other was a student who needed instruction on where to move the ultrasound wand.

I was covered up the whole time and was uncomfortable given what was happening.

The other version sounded way more interesting to me than what really happened.

The Most Dangerous Toys Of All Time

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I had a lot of these growing up and made them more dangerous if possible. Instructions? If I read them, it didn’t mean I followed them.

Where were our parents? They bought us these killers and told us to go outside and play. I never had supervision other than don’t hurt the other kids, which was the point of all our games anyway.

I never had a Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab with real radiation.

In 1951, A.C. Gilbert introduced his U-238 Atomic Energy Lab, a radioactive learning set we can only assume was fun for the whole math club. Gilbert, who Americanmemorabilia claims was “often compared to Walt Disney for his creative genius,” had a dream that nuclear power could capture the imaginations of children everywhere. For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity.

Here are the rest of the 10. If you don’t have the time, lawn darts IS on the list and I threw them at other kids and had them thrown at me.

Now, the Karen’s of the world have ruined the fun, or tried to make it woke.

Childhood Games – Car Pool, With The Car Doors

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After reaching both puberty and achieving my drivers license, we drove around and made up games. It was sort of like video games in real life.

Everyone has been in a car and someone scores a target based on how many points you get if you open the door by driving and hit them, or just hit them with the car. Before you gasp, this was teenage boys showing off without ever following through. It garnered a good laugh and we always did the same. We drove past the target and counted the score based on who called it first. No lives were lost that I know of.

But here were the rules…..

Old People or disabled – no score as they moved slow and are too easy to hit

Mooning old people – extra points if they grab their heart and gasp (ok, we really did this one)

Young couples or families – a double score, but still low as the kids are like old people, slow and easy

Regular pedestrians – multiple score if you get more than one

All of these are walkers, and aren’t much of a challenge. For higher scores, move on to….

Bikers – A fairly high score as they are a moving target and satisfying if they are holding up traffic. This can only be scored with an open door as hitting with a car wouldn’t be a challenge. The faster the biker, the higher the points. Multiple bikers garners a multiple score, like a 7-10 split.

Motorcycles – A very high score as they are fast. A lower but more satisfying score if you open the door while stopped in traffic and catch one cutting between cars.

Animals -no score as you should lose points if you hurt one. They don’t know you are playing a game.

Practice – revving your car while stopped before someone crosses the sidewalk, then waving them to cross as you keep revving. The smart ones will just say no and not cross.

Things You See In A College Town

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They are moving in up here in hippie town. The U-Hauls are driving in like a tank brigade.

The locals are the ones that give me the most entertainment.

Here is one that I’ll guess has dyed hair, tattoo’s and piercings. I would have guessed a cat, but she already let me know about that one.

This next one is a typical mountain car. The armrest is on the outside, the headlights are taped on, the hood is dented and the windshield is cracked. It’s a Sequoia, which once was a very nice car. I’m guessing this one will get driven until it dies.

Lawn Darts And Dodgeball, Life’s Video Games

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I loved lawn darts. It’s like eating a tootsie roll pop. You always bite it. With lawn darts, you take maybe 2 throws at the circle and then you are aiming at the other kids. Now, micro aggression’s need safe spaces in case I hurt you with an incorrect pronoun or say a forbidden word. How sad it is that you can become so shallow that words thrown childishly and generally out of context hurt you.

Now for dodgeball. They don’t let kids play it because the unwritten rules are kill the fat kids and girls first as they are the slowest and easiest to hit. It’s why lions kill the slowest in the heard. They are the ones that got a good game banned because they couldn’t win. Note: This game is a good lesson in life, survival, awareness and loyalty.

Loyalty in dodgeball? Yes. When it’s down to a couple of kids, you don’t throw at your friends first. It spilled over into class and life.

Did we aim for the body? If it was available, otherwise a head shot was good for stories 2 days later that everyone enjoyed until Karen’s came along.

If they would stop banning the good games (also red rover), maybe kids would go outside more.

It Looks Like I Finally Managed To Piss Off The Censors

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I regularly post about the tragedy that is social media, how government mishandled Covid, that Gates and Fauci are power grabbing beta males and the worst sin of all, saying Covid came from Wuhan.

I have enjoyed posting the dangers of the jab, because meatheads I know can’t believe that I’ve proved it’s poison.

It turned out that I was both ahead of the curve on a lot of things

I predicted it would take it’s toll on my traffic and it did. I still get hits from China watching me properly place blame on their policies and human rights, but the big G search engine didn’t like it at all.

I also got banned by Facebook searches which regularly borrowed my memes. I detailed how to delete fake book many times and why you should do it.

All of that has cut me to about 10% of my usual traffic.

Now, ask me if I care? Why I don’t is that I write this for me. I get my thoughts out there in writing. Being introverted, I’d rather communicate that way rather than orally.

Will I stop? Not a chance. I’m having too much fun lampooning the mistakes.

Heck, the election season is not really in full swing. I can’t wait.

Euphemisms for Stupid

/ John / 4 Comments

This is the first update in a while, but it was well worth it.  If I missed one, please comment and I’ll include it.

 

If one of these offends you, take the complaints elsewhere, I’m the one that got dissed here.

A beer short of a six pack
A brick short of a load
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen
A couple of gallons short of a full tank
A few ants short of a picnic
A few beers short of a six-pack
A few bricks short of a pile
A few bricks short of a wall
A few cards short of a deck
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few feathers short of a whole duck
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
A few peas short of a casserole
A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce
A few trucks short of a convoy
A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner
A pepperoni short of a pizza
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on
A sandwich short of a picnic
A train short of a full service?
About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb.
About as useful as a chocolate fireguard
Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride; a little light in the
belfry
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools
As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac
As smart as bait

As smart as Joe Biden
As useful as a screen door on a submarine
As useful as a wooden frying pan
As useful as tits on a bull
Body by God, Mind by Mattel.
Bright as Alaska in December
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

Could screw up a one car funeral
Doesn’t have both oars in the water
Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in one box
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice
Donated his body to science before he was done using it
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
Dumber than a bag of rocks

Dumber than a lobotomized rock

Elevator don’t quiet make the top floor
Fell out of the family tree
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Goes surfing in Nebraska
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching
Gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt

This is the one —> Has delusions of adequacy.

Has two brains, one’s lost and the other is out looking for it
Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool.
He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg.
He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart.
He played too much without a helmet
He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut
He’s got a leak in his think-tank
He’s got a mind like a steel sieve
He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer
He’s so dense light bends around him
He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour the water out of a boot if the instructions
were on the heel
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
His cheese has slipped off his cracker
His porch light ain’t on
I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice
If brains were chocolate – he wouldn’t have enough to fill an M&M
If brains were dynamite – he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off
If brains were gasoline, he couldn’t ride a moped around a fruit loop
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
If he had a brain, he’d be dangerous
If he had another brain, it would be lonely
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted

If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change back
If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders
Isn’t firing on all thrusters
Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm

If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock
Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp
Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.
Mind is in neutral, body is in gear
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needing a few screws tightened
Not firing with all spark plugs
Not the brightest light in the harbor
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box
Off his rocker
On/off switch is broken in the off position
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One neuron short of a synapse
One taco short of a combination plate
One turbine short of an airplane
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests
Prime candidate for natural deselection
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Requires directions to lay sod
Room temperature IQ
Running about a quart low
Running on empty
Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she
had two guesses.
She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or
lower?”
She’s not tied too tight to the pier
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
The elevator is stuck between floors.
The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming
The lights are on, but nobody is home.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window
Too many yards between the goal posts
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Warning – Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby
Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle.
Your the flower of my life (you blooming idiot)
You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world.

Your mouth is writing checks that your intellect cannot cash

I Found The G-Spot Vs. I Founded The G-Spot

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According to Wikipedia:

The G-spot, also called the Gräfenberg spot (for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg), is characterized as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and potential female ejaculation. It is typically reported to be located 5–8 cm (2–3 in) up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra and is a sensitive area that may be part of the female prostate.

We all know the jokes about it and whether we actually found it, either guy or girl.

How about the guy that founded it. The G-spot is named after Ernst. The obvious questions are how did he find it, how long did he search for it and how long did he keep up the research after he completed his studies just to have naked women around. Did he change his name to Eric Stratton, rush chairman, Delta Tau Chi?

So he is famous for having the pleasure spot named after him. The difference in founded it and found it.

They say it is in this diagram. I’ve been told I found it and I’m sure I’ve been lied to.

My Secret Power, If I Was Still Working

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A lot of meetings suck and are just a dick measuring contest. I posted Why Meetings are a wasted of time and how to get out of them a while back.

I wanted to choke the shit out of a lot of people. Just click either work or IBM in the tag cloud to the right.

There are some people that deserve this and I’m the one that would deliver it to them, especially Sandy Carter, but that would be a long line to wait in.

There are some people I’d force choke their balls instead to end their tirades or whatever nonsense they were bringing to the table. They’ agree to my point a lot faster.

I’d use the Jedi mind trick to get people to do stuff also, like give me a raise or stop giving me a hard time.

Like a lot of things, it’s probably better for the world that I’m not a force wielder. There are too many dark side things that need doing to some people.

Since I don’t have the force, I have to settle for my usual super power.

Weekend Update On Depp/Heard Trial

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I was aware that it was going on, but have yet to click on an article because they are celebtards, a group of people that deserve what they get, good or bad. It sucks to be famous, I promise you.

On an added note, I also glanced at a headlines about a Kardashian wedding or something, but couldn’t care enough about that either. Plus, I didn’t want to lose my streak of never seeing anything Kardashian on purpose.

Peeing In The Men’s Room, The Unwritten Rule We All Know

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And, you if by chance you do break the next rule of look ahead and not at the other guy, you only are allowed to look each other in the eyes.

Guys learn this without being taught. No matter what socially/politically correct spew that comes out of their mouths outside the bathroom door, once you enter the rules are the same for everyone, everywhere.

If you are spatially aware (like a Seal or Spook), you go to the stall where you can’t get attacked from behind, but that is skill level 10 for dangerous people.

New Pet Update

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This is the male guarding the nest a couple of feet below him. The hen is on the nest now, so there must be eggs. He sits there all day now.

I found out that they are Song Sparrow’s. I’ve left them food and stopped gardening near it for a while. There is nothing that can’t wait, but at the rate of growth up here (Spring just started and we still have 50 degree days in the Blue Ridge Mountains), I’ll have to hack through the weeds as everything plant and animal is exploding to life.

I hope he fights off the cowbirds, who are also here. They lay eggs in other birds nests and are way bigger than the sparrows, so that chick would get all the food. I let nature do it’s thing.

Oh, the Hummingbirds have migrated here also.

New Pets, Sort Of

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I wrote about the death of a pet last fall hoping that Spring would bring this day for me. I was sorry to see Fred go.

In one week I have a new spider and will have baby birds that I get to watch. I noticed the sparrow on the ground gathering nest material in the field outside of my house. I wondered where the nest was, only to find later in the day that it was just outside of my kitchen window.

I named her Wilma after a little sister in my Fraternity. I don’t think she’d appreciate it, but the spider reminded me of her. Only later did I realize the Fred and Wilma Flintstones connection. Fred was named for a guy I know from the town that I moved away from recently, not Fred Flintstone.

Here is the sparrow’s nest from this morning, sorry for the blurry picture, I had to zoom it in a long way:

I don’t think I’ll name them as they fly away. The spider will stay with me until almost Thanksgiving and will provide me entertainment every night until then. I will love it when the baby birds hatch.

Some pets are less personal than others, but these will be interesting and part of nature I don’t always get to watch.

Introvert Golfing

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The snow is finally gone (it did snow last week) and the local course opened, so I made my way out to the course. I had no one to make up a four or even a twosome, so I picked at time and figured I’d get stuck with someone.

Well, the tourists aren’t hear yet. The snow has melted and the skiers are gone. It turns out that it was supposed to rain that day so when I got to the course, the parking lot was empty. I knew my luck couldn’t hold so I went to the range and hit a bucket to warm up and then went to putt on the practice green. It is next to the first tee, so I knew that I could keep an eye on the traffic to get out with as few people in my group as possible.

As it turns out, no one showed up. Even the starter wasn’t there. I took the opportunity to jump on the tee and try for a solo round. Life was on my side and there weren’t golfers for many holes either side of me.

I played 18 hassle free and small talk free golf. I would have paid extra money for this freebie in life.

I’ll be out again this week and I’ll get paired up with someone the rest of the year, but it was a good start.

Looks like I’m starting out the year with a double digit handicap. Playing golf is my other handicap.

The cart is mine. There is no one on any hole in sight, damn near a perfect day for me.