I feel better knowing that by this equation, I’m damn near royalty.
Category: fun
It Looks Like I Finally Managed To Piss Off The Censors
I regularly post about the tragedy that is social media, how government mishandled Covid, that Gates and Fauci are power grabbing beta males and the worst sin of all, saying Covid came from Wuhan.
I have enjoyed posting the dangers of the jab, because meatheads I know can’t believe that I’ve proved it’s poison.
It turned out that I was both ahead of the curve on a lot of things
I predicted it would take it’s toll on my traffic and it did. I still get hits from China watching me properly place blame on their policies and human rights, but the big G search engine didn’t like it at all.
I also got banned by Facebook searches which regularly borrowed my memes. I detailed how to delete fake book many times and why you should do it.
All of that has cut me to about 10% of my usual traffic.
Now, ask me if I care? Why I don’t is that I write this for me. I get my thoughts out there in writing. Being introverted, I’d rather communicate that way rather than orally.
Will I stop? Not a chance. I’m having too much fun lampooning the mistakes.
Heck, the election season is not really in full swing. I can’t wait.
Euphemisms for Stupid
This is the first update in a while, but it was well worth it. If I missed one, please comment and I’ll include it.
If one of these offends you, take the complaints elsewhere, I’m the one that got dissed here.
A beer short of a six pack
A brick short of a load
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen
A couple of gallons short of a full tank
A few ants short of a picnic
A few beers short of a six-pack
A few bricks short of a pile
A few bricks short of a wall
A few cards short of a deck
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few feathers short of a whole duck
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
A few peas short of a casserole
A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce
A few trucks short of a convoy
A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner
A pepperoni short of a pizza
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on
A sandwich short of a picnic
A train short of a full service?
About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb.
About as useful as a chocolate fireguard
Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride; a little light in the
belfry
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools
As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac
As smart as bait
As useful as a screen door on a submarine
As useful as a wooden frying pan
As useful as tits on a bull
Body by God, Mind by Mattel.
Bright as Alaska in December
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Could screw up a one car funeral
Doesn’t have both oars in the water
Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in one box
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice
Donated his body to science before he was done using it
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
Dumber than a bag of rocks
Dumber than a lobotomized rock
Elevator don’t quiet make the top floor
Fell out of the family tree
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Goes surfing in Nebraska
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching
Gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
This is the one —> Has delusions of adequacy.
Has two brains, one’s lost and the other is out looking for it
Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool.
He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg.
He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart.
He played too much without a helmet
He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut
He’s got a leak in his think-tank
He’s got a mind like a steel sieve
He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer
He’s so dense light bends around him
He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour the water out of a boot if the instructions
were on the heel
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
His cheese has slipped off his cracker
His porch light ain’t on
I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice
If brains were chocolate – he wouldn’t have enough to fill an M&M
If brains were dynamite – he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off
If brains were gasoline, he couldn’t ride a moped around a fruit loop
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
If he had a brain, he’d be dangerous
If he had another brain, it would be lonely
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted
If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change back
If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders
Isn’t firing on all thrusters
Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock
Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp
Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.
Mind is in neutral, body is in gear
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needing a few screws tightened
Not firing with all spark plugs
Not the brightest light in the harbor
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box
Off his rocker
On/off switch is broken in the off position
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One neuron short of a synapse
One taco short of a combination plate
One turbine short of an airplane
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests
Prime candidate for natural deselection
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Requires directions to lay sod
Room temperature IQ
Running about a quart low
Running on empty
Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she
had two guesses.
She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or
lower?”
She’s not tied too tight to the pier
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
The elevator is stuck between floors.
The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming
The lights are on, but nobody is home.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window
Too many yards between the goal posts
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Warning – Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby
Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle.
Your the flower of my life (you blooming idiot)
You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world.
Your mouth is writing checks that your intellect cannot cash
Ah, Wedding Bouquet Toss Failure Again
If I plan it right, I’m gone way before this happens.
High IQ Humor – Star Trek Style
I’m a doctor, not a …….
I Found The G-Spot Vs. I Founded The G-Spot
According to Wikipedia:
The G-spot, also called the Gräfenberg spot (for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg), is characterized as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and potential female ejaculation. It is typically reported to be located 5–8 cm (2–3 in) up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra and is a sensitive area that may be part of the female prostate.
We all know the jokes about it and whether we actually found it, either guy or girl.
How about the guy that founded it. The G-spot is named after Ernst. The obvious questions are how did he find it, how long did he search for it and how long did he keep up the research after he completed his studies just to have naked women around. Did he change his name to Eric Stratton, rush chairman, Delta Tau Chi?
So he is famous for having the pleasure spot named after him. The difference in founded it and found it.
My Secret Power, If I Was Still Working
A lot of meetings suck and are just a dick measuring contest. I posted Why Meetings are a wasted of time and how to get out of them a while back.
I wanted to choke the shit out of a lot of people. Just click either work or IBM in the tag cloud to the right.
There are some people that deserve this and I’m the one that would deliver it to them, especially Sandy Carter, but that would be a long line to wait in.
There are some people I’d force choke their balls instead to end their tirades or whatever nonsense they were bringing to the table. They’ agree to my point a lot faster.
I’d use the Jedi mind trick to get people to do stuff also, like give me a raise or stop giving me a hard time.
Like a lot of things, it’s probably better for the world that I’m not a force wielder. There are too many dark side things that need doing to some people.
Since I don’t have the force, I have to settle for my usual super power.
Weekend Update On Depp/Heard Trial
I was aware that it was going on, but have yet to click on an article because they are celebtards, a group of people that deserve what they get, good or bad. It sucks to be famous, I promise you.
On an added note, I also glanced at a headlines about a Kardashian wedding or something, but couldn’t care enough about that either. Plus, I didn’t want to lose my streak of never seeing anything Kardashian on purpose.
Peeing In The Men’s Room, The Unwritten Rule We All Know
And, you if by chance you do break the next rule of look ahead and not at the other guy, you only are allowed to look each other in the eyes.
Guys learn this without being taught. No matter what socially/politically correct spew that comes out of their mouths outside the bathroom door, once you enter the rules are the same for everyone, everywhere.
If you are spatially aware (like a Seal or Spook), you go to the stall where you can’t get attacked from behind, but that is skill level 10 for dangerous people.
Gorilla Glue Update, Not The Hair You Think It Is
My crotch hurts just thinking about a Brazilian. Ouch.
Which brings me to why girls do this anyway. Maybe some one will chime in the comments and explain it being worth it.
A Once In A Lifetime Headline, If Only I Could Have Done It
Way to go Jessica, or your editor more likely. It’s like something big is on Uranus.
New Pet Update
This is the male guarding the nest a couple of feet below him. The hen is on the nest now, so there must be eggs. He sits there all day now.
I found out that they are Song Sparrow’s. I’ve left them food and stopped gardening near it for a while. There is nothing that can’t wait, but at the rate of growth up here (Spring just started and we still have 50 degree days in the Blue Ridge Mountains), I’ll have to hack through the weeds as everything plant and animal is exploding to life.
I hope he fights off the cowbirds, who are also here. They lay eggs in other birds nests and are way bigger than the sparrows, so that chick would get all the food. I let nature do it’s thing.
Oh, the Hummingbirds have migrated here also.
New Pets, Sort Of
I wrote about the death of a pet last fall hoping that Spring would bring this day for me. I was sorry to see Fred go.
In one week I have a new spider and will have baby birds that I get to watch. I noticed the sparrow on the ground gathering nest material in the field outside of my house. I wondered where the nest was, only to find later in the day that it was just outside of my kitchen window.
I named her Wilma after a little sister in my Fraternity. I don’t think she’d appreciate it, but the spider reminded me of her. Only later did I realize the Fred and Wilma Flintstones connection. Fred was named for a guy I know from the town that I moved away from recently, not Fred Flintstone.
Here is the sparrow’s nest from this morning, sorry for the blurry picture, I had to zoom it in a long way:
I don’t think I’ll name them as they fly away. The spider will stay with me until almost Thanksgiving and will provide me entertainment every night until then. I will love it when the baby birds hatch.
Some pets are less personal than others, but these will be interesting and part of nature I don’t always get to watch.
Introvert Golfing
The snow is finally gone (it did snow last week) and the local course opened, so I made my way out to the course. I had no one to make up a four or even a twosome, so I picked at time and figured I’d get stuck with someone.
Well, the tourists aren’t hear yet. The snow has melted and the skiers are gone. It turns out that it was supposed to rain that day so when I got to the course, the parking lot was empty. I knew my luck couldn’t hold so I went to the range and hit a bucket to warm up and then went to putt on the practice green. It is next to the first tee, so I knew that I could keep an eye on the traffic to get out with as few people in my group as possible.
As it turns out, no one showed up. Even the starter wasn’t there. I took the opportunity to jump on the tee and try for a solo round. Life was on my side and there weren’t golfers for many holes either side of me.
I played 18 hassle free and small talk free golf. I would have paid extra money for this freebie in life.
I’ll be out again this week and I’ll get paired up with someone the rest of the year, but it was a good start.
Looks like I’m starting out the year with a double digit handicap. Playing golf is my other handicap.
Now That I’m Grown, What Did I Get For What I Wished For?
I’ve been reminiscing about when I was young. I’d flit from one thing to the next, never worrying about what was around the next corner. I didn’t plan for tomorrow unless it included fun or something for me to do that wouldn’t affect my retirement.
Now, I can’t take a dump without working out what I’m going to do next and plan my time around it.
My kids are grown now, but I told them to not grow up too fast. They all have mortgages, plus pets and kids that rely on them, like they did on me.
I hurt a lot more now. I’m sore from my first round of golf of the year yesterday, and I didn’t even go at it that hard.
Life.
Why You Should Enjoy Life
I’m playing golf today. It’s finally nice outside here. I hope you enjoy your day.
Yes, I Would Giggle If I Had To Say That
It’s like when the answer is a dirty word, but not in the context on Jeopardy. You sometimes get to cuss, or say a word like dick, dump or some other childish Beavis and Butthead joke on national TV.
I’d call in to ask if they could page Mike Hunt.
And Now You Get Why Twitter Is So Messed Up Internally
The real cowards won’t play when it’s not their rules. It must be that tough to have words bother you so much that you can’t work for a company.
I find this wildly entertaining that Musk bought a majority stake in hater Twitter. I can’t wait to see what will happen and hope for a wonderful train wreck to entertain me on this one. I am finding Must to be right far more than wrong and am learning to trust non traditional thinkers such as him.
I really don’t think much will happen, but the consternation it will stir up may split the audience for other platforms. That would take away the historical preference for Twitter Twatter.
Like in the movie War Games, sometimes the best move is to not play. I have had a blissful twitter free life now since before Trump. I recommend it or another instant platform of your choice.
I have accounts with all the competitors, but the drain of being on another social media platform is being overpowered by my introverted nature to avoid people.
To All The Gen X/Y/Z’s And Millennials; Why You Won’t Be As Cool As We Were
Girls? Better
Music? Way Better
Movies? More Original, that’s for sure
Cars? When cars were real cars
The New Improved 2022 Urinal
High IQ Humor – Grammar Style
Thanks Irish
If You Feel Like You Are Useless…..
The pool is the gender neutral bathroom we’ve had for ever.
2/22/22 Is On A Tuesday
Think about this at 2:22:22
Men, You Got To Get Your Girl One Of These Rings
Bring on the Karen’s and the feminist whiners about supposed misogyny to shoot hate darts at me. Wrong, you don’t know sarcasm and humor when it smacks you in the face.
I don’t want anymore trackers following me and reporting back to big tech. However……..There are a lot of girls that have been in and out of my life that if I’d have bought them one of these, a lot of people’s lives would have been a lot better. I don’t care about my heartbeat or how I slept, this isn’t why I’d buy one.
If I’d have known who was going to lose it in the office or anywhere else in my life, I’d invest in a box full of these gems. Just give them away on Valentines day and voila, you know when to hide or go play golf.
Come to think of it, there have been a few dudes from NY (Ed B I’m looking at you) that lost it way worse that most girls. I would have bought them one as a gift to me.
Things That Don’t Lie, Yoga Pants
When I went to Milan, the fashion capital of Italy I was expecting gorgeous clothes on stunning women. What I got was a parade of yoga pants, in this case done worse than in the USA.
No matter where I go now, be it the grocery store, a restaurant, walking anywhere it’s pretty much what you see on girls of all age.
I got news for you. Most of you shouldn’t be wearing them, or shouldn’t be wearing them outside the house. I get that it is the fashion trend and they are comfortable, but a lot of you fill them out way more than they were meant to. This is even true in the gym, where they are acceptable.
Well, it’s a boon to guys who want to check you out, unless you are an exhibitionist. It hides nothing and reveals everything. A lot of you shouldn’t be wearing thongs underneath them either. Those are supposed to be sexy and there are few over their mid twenties that make them look that way.
Don’t come back with guys with beer bellies and butt cracks because I’ll get to that in another post.
For now, here’s why:
If you really want to laugh, play this song because it describes almost every name there is for this part of the anatomy. It’s freakin’ hilarious.
Posting Stupid Stuff On Facebook
Same thing for Alcohol. When I see a girl post herself holding a drink, like all guys learned when they are growing up, it’s a leg spreader.
If I guy is posting at drink, I think here, hold my beer because something stupid is happening soon.
Is This a Mikaela Face Thing? Do They All Make It (At Least At The Olympics)
The New Girl Scout Cookies This Year
When I was raising a girl scout, I bought dozens of these waist killers. I brought them into work one day and offered them to my co-workers. While most declined or took one or two, Laura Knapp, from the NHD proceeded to knock down an entire sleeve as I watched in disbelief. I thought it was an imposition on my generosity, but then she was in the meme.
Separated At Birth?
Pencil Trick For Girls, Towel (Doughnut) Hanger For Guys
Hanging a towel on your junk is a joke that Jeff Foxworthy made about the side effects of Viagra. I learned about the pencil trick from off color office banter at some point in my working career.
They aren’t fooling me about what they are hanging doughnuts on. It’s below the belt humor.
People do this when they get bored. It is sophomoric, but funny to me as I have a 12 year old’s sense of humor.
Vegan Humor – How They Are Made
I’ll keep making fun of them as long as they keep telling me about that they are Vegans.
Thinking you are morally better than others isn’t the same as actually being that.
How Man Buns Were Inspired
I’m sure they think they look good, but as we look back on some of the do’s that we thought looked good at the time, I don’t think this is going to age well.
It should age like the inspiration at the bottom.
Euphemisms For Farting
I posted Euphemisms for stupid a while back and it’s still pretty high on the search list. I was in the shower, where I do some of my best thinking and gathered some of these off the web. I have also posted on how much farts weigh.
No matter who you are, you fart. Most people think it’s funny. Old people don’t care and just let it go whenever. Guys have farting contests and remember the loudest, longest and smelliest ones. Girls say it’s gross in from of others, but let it rip when they are alone.
Everybody thinks it’s funny if someone famous gets caught.
It’s still a Covid test. If you can smell it, you don’t have Covid.
Enjoy
Air bagel
Air biscuit
Airbrush the boxers
Air tulip
Anal acoustics
Anal ‘ahem’
Anal audio
Anal exhale
Anal salute
Anal volcano
Anus applause
Answering the call of the wild burrito
back blast
Back draft
Back-end blowout
Backdoor breeze
Backdoor sneeze
Backfire
Bake an air biscuit
Baking brownies
Bark
Barking spider
Barn burner
Bean blower
Beef
Beefer
Beep your horn
Belch from behind
Belching clown
Benchwarmer
Better open a window
Blast
Blast the chair
Blat
Blow mud
Blow the big brown horn
Blue dart
Blurp
Blurt
Bomber
Boom-boom
Booty bomb
Booty cough
Bottom blast
Bottom burp
Booty belch
Break the sound barrier
Break wind
Breath of fresh air
Brown cloud
Brown dart
Brown haze
Brown horn brass band
Brown thunder
Bubbler
Bull snort
BUMsen burner
Bun shaker
Bung blast
Burning rubber
Burner
Burp out the wrong end
Bust ass
Buster
Butt bazooka
Butt bleat
Butt bongos
Butt burp
Butt cheek screech
Butt dumpling
Butt percussion
Butt sneeze
Butt trauma
Butt trumpet
Butt tuba
Butt wind
Butt yodeling
Buttock bassoon
Chair air
Cheek flapper
Cheek squeak
Cheeser
Cheesin’
Colon bowlin’
Colonic Calliope
Crack a rat
Crack concert
Crack one off
Crack splitters
Crap call
Crop dusting
Crowd killer
Cut a stinker
Cut one
Cut the cheese
Death breath
Deflating
Doing the one cheek sneak
Doing the two cheek sneak
Drifter
Drop a bomb
Droppin’ stink bombs
Duck call
Eggy
Emptying the tank
Exhume the dinner corpse
Exploding bottom
Exterminator
False pooper
Fanny beep
Fanny frog
Fart (of course)
Fecal fume
Fire a Stink torpedo
Fire in the hole
Firing the retro rocket
Fizzler
Flame thrower
Flamer
Flapper
Flatulate
Flatulence
Flatus
Flipper
Float an air biscuit
Floater
Floof
Fluffer
Fluffy
Fogger
Fog horn
Fog slicer
Fowl howl
Fragrant foof
Free jacuzzi
Freep
Free speech
Frump
Fumigating
Funky roller
Gas
Gas attack
Gas blaster
Gas master
Get out and walk Donald
Ghost turd
Gluteal maximus gas a mess
Gluteal tuba
Great brown cloud
Grundle rumble
Grunt
Gurgler
Heinie hiccup
Heinous Anus
Hisser
Hole flapper
Honk
Honker
Horton hears a poo
Hot wind
Hottie
Human hydrogen bomb
HUMrrhoids
Ignition
Insane in the methane
Inverted burb
Jet power
Jet propulsion
Jockey burner
Just calling your name
Just keeping warm
Kaboomer
Killing the canary
Lay an egg
Lean mean bean machine
Let each bean be heard
Let one fly
Let one go
Let one rip
Let the beans out
Lethal cloud
Let Polly out of jail
Make a stink
Mating call
Methane bomb
Methane dart
Methane mating call
Methane pain
Mexican (food) jet propulsion
Moon gas
Mouse on a motorcycle
Mud duck
Nasty cough
Nose death
Odor bubble
Odorama
One-gun salute
One-man band
One-man brass band
One-man salute
Orchestra practice
O-ring oboe
Painting the elevator
Paint peeler
Paint stainer
Panty burp
Parp
Parper
Party in your pants
Pass gas
Pass wind
Peter
Pewie
Pip
Playing the tuba
Playing the trouser tuba
Poof
Poof-poof
Poop gas
Poop gopher
Poot
Pootsa
Pop
Pop a fluffy
Pop tart
Power puff
Puffer
Puff the Magic Dragon
Putt-putt
Quack
Quaker
Raspberry
Rattler
Rebuilding the ozone layer
Rectal honk
Rectal shout
Rectal tremor
Rectal turbulence
Release a squeaker
Release the hounds
Rip one
Ripped the cheese
Ripper
Ripple
Roar from the rear
Roast the jockeys
Room clearer
Rump ripper
Rump roar
Saluting my shorts
Scud missle
Shoot the cannon
Silent and scentless
Silent but deadly
Silly cyanide
Singe the pants/chair/etc
Skunk bait
Slider
Sphincter siren
Sphincter song
Sphincter whistle
Spitter
Split the seam
Squeaker
Squeak one out
Stale wind
Steam-press your pants
Steamer
Step on a duck
Step on a frog
Stink bomb
Stink burger
Stink it up
Stinker
Stinky
Stinkmeaner
Tail wind
Taint tickle
Thunder from down under
Thurp
Toilet tune
Toot
Toot your own horn
Tootsie
Trouser cough
Trouser trumpet
Trunk bunk
Turd tremors
Turtle burp
Tushy tickler
Uncorked one
Uncorking
Under burp
Under thunder
Venting
Vent one
Wallop
Whiff
Whoopee
Whopper
Zinger
These came from Farthub
Marriage Advice – Yeah, This Oughta Work, Just Like Last Time
Thanks Woosterman
Saturday Mood, Don’t Forget World Introvert Day Is Tomorrow
So I dedicated this to our current government, Fauci, the Jab, the CCP, MSM, celebtards, sportstards, freeloaders who could be working, social media and those trying to control the narrative on things like Covid, Election Fraud, race hustlers, mail in ballots and a lot of other 2021 crap.
There, did I cover everything? I think not but I’ll get to it in 2022.
Oh, and Epstein didn’t hang himself and neither will Ghislaine Maxwell.
Happy New Year
New Years Eve, How I Celebrate As An Introvert
First of all, this like Valentines Day are celebrations I call amateur night. People who make a huge deal of a day don’t know how to handle it and these are the ones that over do it. I avoid them and the carnage they bring on others from being too boisterous, not being sincere to who they really are to doing things like driving drunk and causing unnecessary harm to others.
To me, it’s just another day. Hopefully I’ll wake up tomorrow, and if I do, it will be the same as every other day. I can enjoy it for being the day that it is without having to heap any false hype on it.
I don’t recall being up at midnight in recent years because I’d rather sleep and feel better tomorrow. I gave up drinking a long time ago and will feel a lot better than the pretenders who think that they need to be the life of the party. I don’t have to put my hope of entertainment on an event that isn’t significant on 12:01.
Sure, some will call me a party-pooper, but then I’d have to care what others think of me, and I don’t. I’m not motivated by likes on social media either because I have a life lived on my terms. Not being defined by others has helped me not to be dependent on others for my happiness.
I don’t have any regrets for acting the fool because I overdid it the night before.
I hope others enjoy and do whatever it is that they are going to do. I don’t need the attention and am happier with my dog and a book.
Oh, I live with an extrovert. It doesn’t make her any happier, but I’ve been clear that you can’t make me extroverted because you are. She’s come to realize that tomorrow will happen just like today, yesterday and the day before.
No one will give a tinkers damn about New Years in a couple of days anyway, so I don’t today.
I don’t suffer from expectations not met, or hangovers that aren’t necessary.
Betty White To Turn 100, Older Than Sliced Bread
And of course, she can’t play lego’s anymore.
Wile E. Coyote ACME Update
Loony Tunes, still funny after all these years.
Merry Christmas – A Smattering Of Holiday Meme’s To Laugh At, Dripping With Sarcasm
With credits to Woosterman, 90 Miles, Knuckledraggin’ and others. Enjoy and have a Merry Christmas, not Happy Holidays.
Someone’s Been Waiting A Lifetime To Write This Headline
Obviously, my humor is sophomoric. It gives me more to laugh at and about.
The Difference Between Men And Women Using Photoshop
See a couple of posts down about all fishermen lie except me.
Covid Things I Want To Do
Yep, I would too. It may be a bit demented and childish, but to me it sounds funny as heck because I can be both.
Learning Foreign Languages And Competition
I’ve done Duo Lingo for over 1000 days in a row. It’s good for “older” people to challenge your mind, plus I get to speak and understand other than English. I get to poke the European’s in the eye a bit who claim that American’s only speak English (my wife’s family). Let’s not forget that we are a country of immigrants.
I also have a hard time not wanting to win everything I enter. I consider it a failure not to give it your 100%.
I’ve worked my way up to the diamond league and every week you compete against 29 other people. I’ve won 3 times, including last week.
I have a real hard time not competing. As Vince Lombardi once said, “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”
My screen name is Italian for my real name. I studied Italian, German, Latin, French, Spanish and Klingon last week.
All Fishermen Lie, Except Me
I fished competitively for a while. Even the fishing shows will tell you to hold your catch closer to the camera to make it look bigger.
If you are the only one there, no one can prove that it wasn’t a pound or two heavier, or an inch or foot shorter.
I’m sure I never exaggerated about my catch……ever.
Wedding Bouquet VS Garter Belt Rules
courtesy of wirecutter.
I caught one once because the bride was hot. I got asked 3 times to be married and still held out for a decade until I was ready.
Eric Clapton On What Happened to Rock N Roll
“Rock and roll got watered down a long time ago.” He said it used to be about being a rebel. “And now it’s much more to do with conformity,”
It’s why the music was so much better in the 70’s.
Not Clapton, but definitely Rock and Roll.
Anti-Social Device
I’ve enjoyed social distancing. It allows me to keep people away that I don’t want to talk to. I can see it coming a mile away and with Covid I can pull away, claiming the 6 foot “health” distance.
I can’t stand it when people get in your face and won’t take the social hint that I want to be done. I try not to be rude, but some people have to be stopped. This is perfect. Some people won’t take no for an answer. This is the perfect no.
As usual, I probably shouldn’t be allowed to have one as I would use it too often. I’d probably burn it out from overuse.
A Cheerleader’s Dilemma
Now what will they yell?
Headline Of The Day – Man’s penis rots after being bitten by snake while sitting on toilet in South Africa
From The New York Post
A Dutch man had to undergo reconstructive surgery on his penis after a cobra bit his manhood during a safari trip in South Africa — causing it to rot.
The 47-year-old victim suffered scrotal necrosis after the cold-blooded serpent, which was lurking in the toilet bowl, attacked, according to Urology Case Reports.
In what the medical journal described as the first case of “snouted cobra envenomation of the genitals,” the unidentified man had to wait three hours before he was flown by helicopter to the nearest trauma center some 220 miles away.
“His penis and scrotum were noted to be swollen, deep purple in color, and painful on hospital admission. Scrotal necrosis was diagnosed, and he received multiple doses of a non-specific snake venom antiserum and broad-spectrum antibiotics,” according to the medical report.
The man reported vomiting and a burning sensation as well as pain that shot up from his groin into the abdomen and upper chest – though he developed no neurological symptoms during the ordeal.
He required hemodialysis due to acute kidney injury before undergoing reconstructive surgery.
see also
Indian man gets life sentence for killing wife with cobra
“The scrotal necrosis was reported to involve the entire fascia (skin to internal spermatic) and was excised with extensive margins. Primary closure was performed, leaving a drain in situ,” Urology Case Reports said.
“The defect in the penile shaft was treated by superficial debridement and a vacuum assisted closure pump. After 9 days, the patient was repatriated to the Netherlands,” it added.
A plastic surgeon later performed a “penile shaft debridement, with extensive resection of dead tissue extending into the corpus spongiosum to the fold of the preputium.” A graft from the groin was then placed over the penis and he has made a full recovery.
Necrosis – or necrotizing fasciitis, commonly referred to as the “flesh-eating disease” — is a potentially deadly condition caused by bacteria infecting tissue. The condition, which spreads quickly, requires immediate treatment with intravenous antibiotics.
Why My Generation Isn’t Easily Offended
Or This:
Or This:
In these skits are just about everything that the cancel culture is against. My friends and I still talk in code from the album, “Is it Something I said?”
These are some of the funniest skits and talents there have been. Too bad the snowflakes won’t be able to appreciate it.
Here’s one final shot at childish and sophomoric, yet humorous comedy:
I leave you with this. Who knows what, “yeah, and it’s deep too” means?
The New Paging Mike Hunt
At one job, one of the tech support guys spoofed the receptionist and she paged Mike Hunt across the entire warehouse. It was funny. All the guys got it, but only some of the girls.
It was childish, but it broke up the day. It also was very funny to me.
#LGB #FJB
An Introvert Hideout – The Library
The book stores in my new town are scarce and don’t offer what I was looking for. It was the standard issue current stuff, mostly by people that don’t interest me – celebtards.
I had to go downtown for the annual insurance rodeo and the Library was a block away. I figured what the hay, I’ll get a card and kill a little time and check out the selection. I figured I was in it for a biography.
To my surprise, although the parking lot was full, there was only 4 people in there, 3 of whom were employees. There were alcoves to hide out in and I realized that it will be a great place to escape to. They had workrooms for people with laptops, but I saw rooms to escape to.
The parking downtown is tight (it’s only about 4 blocks long) and the cars were people shopping, not looking at books.
Best of all, I found some John MacDonald / Travis McGee books I couldn’t get anywhere else. Occasionally in my old town, I could find them in the 2nd hand bookstore, but it was so unorganized that I don’t think they knew what they had.
It was quiet, not because it was a library, but because there was nobody there.
I realized what a goldmine that was going to be for me. I can see where I’ll be when I need some time alone.
It is an introvert heaven, books, quiet and no people.
Why Men Don’t Make Good Women – Sarcasm Style
If we had boobs, we’d spend all the time playing with them. If we were together, we’d use them as squirt guns and shoot milk at each other.
I read that only a heart attack or passing a kidney stone is as painful as giving birth. That means there would be only one generation and the population would end because we wouldn’t do it.
Scenes At The Farmers Market
I like getting food from the local suppliers. It’s always fresher and taste better than from the commercial store.
Up where I am is a hippie type college town. I see a lot of people that are different than the usual man on the street. I’m ok with it as the food will be natural, meat will be grass fed and non GMO and the produce picked the day before. I keep to myself as usual.
Of course this week was the Halloween theme. It wasn’t too crazy, but I thought I’d share some pictures rather than my usual sarcasm. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that. Note, this is one of the few times that I’ll share pictures of myself. It’s a big step for an introvert who shy’s away from social media.
Anyway, here it is.
How Do You Cheer Your Son If His Name Is Brandon? – Sarcasm Tuesday
I can make fun of anyone, and I will it. I’ll be cancelled or censored at some point. Don’t worry, no one or any side of the political scam is not safe here. I don’t play favorites.
Damn, Am I Getting Old
Of course we have contacts now and like everything else, we just look at our phones. It’s why we don’t learn anything.
How is it that I can remember my phone number as a kid. Not only that, I remember it as a name with a number. You are old if you can do that.
I dare anyone to comment if they had an alpha-numeric phone number (or name and number depending on what part of the country you are from).
What Are The 3 S’s?
Of course the 4th is shampoo.
I Love My Dogs With Pictures
I’ve had multiple dogs over the years. They have all had different personalities and I loved them all, in different ways.
Barney was my first dog when I was a kid. I don’t have a picture, but he was part Boxer/part mutt. We got him from a friend of my Dad’s when he was going off to seminary and had to give him up. As far as I was concerned, he was always ours. He went to the beach with us on vacation and was part of the family.
Those were the pre-leash law days so he roamed the neighborhood on his own. He left his mark on the street with many little Barney’s and some pissed off neighbors. Dogs will be dogs. He was a car chaser and got hit. He recovered, but as Mom said, it took the spirit out of him.
When I got my S*** together in life, we got Conan. He was a rambunctious Golden. Through a breeding mistake, he got hip displaysia and only lasted 10 years. He was happy and had a good life. I learned how to train dogs and we bonded. As with all our dogs, I understood what he needed and took care of all his medical needs.
Bandit was my day pal. We picked her up from a breeder. I’ll be honest, we got a boxer because we wanted a smaller dog than Conan and a female, but we got a bundle of energy that was more than 3 Conan’s. As I think back, we got her because of Barney. They were the same color and size. She was fearless and friendly and loved everyone.
We named her Bandit from the dog in the Jonny Quest comics that I watched faithfully.
I was working at home by now. Being an introvert, I was happier being with her than people and she was by my side. We were together almost 15 years. It was almost like ET and Elliot. I knew what she needed intuitively. Where I went, she went. I took care of all her needs and she was my dog more than anyone in the family because of her.
I got her ashes, but couldn’t bear to bury them until I processed my feelings. I planted a dwarf Japanese Maple and she rests now forever there.
After taking a year off when Bandit finally left us, we decided to venture into the dog game again. I decided on a rescue and took my son to adopt another dog. He was with me when we got Bandit, but being so young, I picked Bandit from the litter to try and get the right one.
He helped me with picking out Boone. He noticed that out of all the dogs we looked at, he was the most gentile. While he looks lie a black lab, we later found out that he was part Boxer, so I guess that is a the theme in my life. He doesn’t have the energy that Bandit did, but neither do I anymore.
He is a great dog. Again he and I bonded more than anyone else in the family, even though he loves everyone and every other dog. Cats and deer, not so much.
My son was attached to Bandit and to Boone. When he went on his own, he got his own dog Raider. She is also colored like Bandit, but is a mix of a lot of breeds, a mutt. She is a great dog, but with a lot of energy. She is less friendly with other dogs, but loves Boone.
Without trying, I bonded with her also. She knows I’m an alpha and that I am the lead dog in the pack.
I know what they all have needed and what they like, it’s almost a sixth sense. I’m not a dog whisperer, rather through observation and empathy, we know we are together.
I love my dogs and they love me. When I have people problems, the dogs have always been there. I’ve been fortunate that they have all been good dogs.
Sometimes when life goes to shit, they are the only friends I have, at least it feels that way. They always by my side, without any pretension other than wanting to be with me.
My Age, In Pictures
We played war in the streets, along with baseball, football and I drove those cars thousands of miles in the sandbox. We actually learned things rather than looking it up on a phone. Common sense was far more available to us than it is to the snowflakes.
The cars today are driving computers, but you can’t work on them yourself, you need to plug it in to tell you what is wrong. I miss the smooth sound of a V-12, or the deep throated sound of a V-8 in a pony car.
I’ll leave the girls alone other than it was a more genuine look, but our music was way better that what you hear today.
More Fall Pictures, Leaves Are Turning Colors
This is last week near the Blue Ridge Mountains.
This is yesterday, same golf course and same direction, but one hole apart. Notice the color change….I was +8 for the day BTW.
Covid Sarcasm – I Went To A Super Spreader Event Last Night
I was at the App State v Coastal Carolina game, probably the game of the week. There were over 31,000 super spreaders that Fauci warned us about.
I’ll report back if there is an outbreak here, but I doubt it. There have been games everywhere since August with little to no outbreaks or breakthroughs.
I guarantee you that there were both vaxxed and un-vaxxed at the game last night. Both have an equal chance at getting it like every other game we were told not to go to.
The game was won on the last play and the 14th ranked team went down in flames. The crowd spilled onto the field, certainly spreading Covid everywhere. Ha!
A good time was had by all, except Fauci, the CDC, NIH, WHO, Congress and Washington DC.
Going To A Movie As An Introvert
I rarely want to go out where there are people other than for exercise, groceries or to walk the dog.
I wanted to see Venom – Let There Be Carnage, but had the dilemma of not wanting to go. I clearly remember thinking that I’d rather stream it at home and considered bailing, but it wasn’t an option for me to view. I had another errand to do (Auto Zone, an approved Introverted place to shop) so I forced myself.
When I got to the theater, I saw that there was only one other car in the parking lot. It was a good sign. I picked the earliest showing in the day to avoid people. I was going to a geek movie so I expected the worst and that they would be at my theater of course, one of 8 at the complex.
To my delight, I was in a room that held 100 people and for the entirety of my stay, I was alone, damn near perfect.
I of course brought Clorox wipes to disinfect everything and actually enjoyed being there. One other person would have ruined it for me.
I originally saw Venom on TV because I had some time to kill and wound up loving the story. I really wanted to see the sequel and the cards lined up for me today.
I got to see Captain Kirk finally get to space and got to experience being the only one in a huge theater to see one of the few movies I’d actually pay for. It is a good movie to see. I wouldn’t bring a date though. It’s definitely not a Rom-Com.
I know it sounds weird to most, but if you are introverted this will resonate and you’ll wish you were me.
C’est la Guerre.
Captain Kirk Finally Gets to Go Into Real Space, The Final Frontier – But May Return Alone Or The Only One Alive
This morning, William Shatner will ride aboard Blue Origin at 90 years of age to be the oldest person ever in space. He missed being the first actor in space by a week as the Russians did that to shoot a movie.
Anyone who knows Star Trek fully gets that the red shirts are the ones who get it on away missions.
He isn’t the first Star Trek Alumni to go to space, just the first one that is alive. Some ashes of Scottie and Gene Roddenbery were sent up a few years back.
There is always the Who is the best Star Trek captain or best series. I am in the TOS camp. The rest use the TOS playbook, but with less daring, panache, creativeness and conquest. For Picard, Sisko, Janeway and Archer fans, they wouldn’t be Captains in the running if there wasn’t a Kirk, end of story.
Even in the movies, the best one is always the Wrath of Khan. It has the best villain, ironic ending and mano a mano story.
I have been a huge Trekkie all of my life. I was alive and watched it during it’s actual first run. When Chekov discovered the Botany Bay on Ceti-Alpha 5, I had goose bumps in the Theater.
The only thing that bothers me about this is that the Enterprise NCC-1701 was a cool ship. Blue Origin looks like a flying dick.
Anyway, live long and prosper.
All Winning Streaks Come To An End, Matt Amodio Finally Loses On Jeopardy
After setting the second longest winning streak at 38 games with winnings of over $1.5 million, it happened last night.
Matt Amodio finally lost. You could feel it happening as he kept missing. In a way, it was almost like he wanted to end it because he wasn’t ringing in and was wrong when he did.
He was a great champion and was good for the ratings and the game.
I’ve seen all the champions win and lose. It is usually the same, a perfect storm where they answer wrong, the categories are not in their strengths and another contestant gets hot. That happened last night.
He also missed final Jeopardy after being nearly perfect for weeks.
He will be back in the Tournament of Champions. I look forward to it as he was also likeable, which sometimes they are not.
I’m sure he helped the ratings as everyone follows a streak, whether you want the person to win or lose. I pulled for him because he had a huge range of knowledge and bet big. He employed the James Holzhauer strategy of playing, something that takes big balls to do.
The people that de-throne the champions usually only last a couple of games.
I watched before Ken Jennings had the 74 game winning streak 17 years ago and I’ll watch tonight. The reason is the same, I want to get more right than the contestants.
My Personal War On Woke Now Includes My Sarcastic Profile On LinkedIn
Update: I just put that woke pronouns are silly. I’ll keep finding new ways to needle them for being woke.
I was very early to LinkedIn, as I was to blogging, Twitter, Facebook and others.
When I got fed up with them going woke or being so biased that I didn’t trust them, I de-platformed Twitter and Facebook.
Recently, LinkedIn stopped allowing revenue to anyone who is in their words a climate change denier. I worked in the Green and Sustainability Industry long enough to learn these things about climate and politics.
- At the top, it is about money and power, not saving the planet.
- The people that believe it treat it as their religion. The ones I’ve met are the real science deniers. This just confirmed it.
- You can’t change the weather, it comes in cycles.
- Bonus: They are hiding the past where the weather was the same as it is now. It’s a version of 1984 Newspeak.
- Double Bonus: It is based on predictions that never come true, they just predict another one.
- Triple Bonus: when they debunk the current cause of global warming, they change it as they do the name (note I used the first name of this nonsense).
- Quadruple Bonus: Carbon Dioxide is plant food. It’s why they plant trees for an offset.
- Quintuple Bonus: Almost everyone likes warmer weather and farmers grow more.
- Not a Bonus: As with LinkedIn, when they don’t agree or lose the argument, they try to shut down the discussion and facts. I expect to lose readers at this point and doubt they’ll read any further, missing the point of the post.
- Also not a Bonus: It is an excuse for everything from racism to global cooling.
“If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.” – Bertrand Russell
As soon as there is a problem, they change their tune and are now burning coal in China and Europe.
So, when I heard that LinkedIn banished one side of the conversation on anything, I changed my profile to poke fun at them. Here are some of the changes.
My education is now Faber -Knowledge is Good. I put my fraternity as Delta Tau Chi. If you don’t get this reference, you missed one of the all time funniest movies. It was also a stab at my real college that went woke. I won’t even mention them here because I banished them too.
I changed my current Job to writing a sarcastic blog and not finishing several books. This is actually true. I was in their Associates Program which is for freelancers, but I’m blowing them off now.
The rest of my work life is true for now, but I don’t give enough of a tinkers damn to take LinkedIn serious now, so I’m having fun where I can.
I now want to freelance on the boil of wokeness that is on the ass of regular people by elites.
I decided I didn’t care that much about them to take them seriously. Besides, I retired because I hate the corporate nonsense. See here, here and here for the above stated wankers.
You got the bonus plan:
Delusions of Adequacy 