I read this article and could hardly believe it. It was me. I’ll editorialize between the lines based on past and current experiences, but people should realize that people are different and here is one group that is virtually unnoticed but should be understood.
The link is now broken, but here is the annotated article:
Introverts catch a lot of shit for being introverted. The whole world seems
so enamored by extroverts – the people we know who just want
to be around people all the time. While we introverts might
not want that, it doesn’t mean we’re depressed or
suicidal or anything wacky like that. There are
some things you should know about us.
1. Small talk sucks.
We’re just not very good at it. We’re typically the big-thinking types.
We like big ideas and theories. Small talk is uncomfortable.
We don’t care about the weather or how
your cat has been doing.
It is very annoying because it mostly is useless to us.
If you need to share so badly,
check with an extrovert who can’t wait to share back.
You just won’t get good
feedback from us.
2. Being alone is fine.
Seriously, we’re doing okay, even if we hole up in our houses for a while.
We don’t need other people for stimulation. We find that ourselves.
We’d almost always rather be alone. We don’t want to be hermits,
but we are good at keeping ourselves busy and this is
our comfort zone for life.
We don’t have to be with a crowd to do something,
although we might come
along once in a while.
3. We aren’t rude or uptight.
We might seem like that at first, but get to know us. We’re still a fun bunch
of friends, we just don’t always acclimate to unfamiliar settings and people
Mostly because you are loud and want to be the center of attention,
something we can’t relate to. When we find out who you really are
behind the facade, it’s easy to get to know us, unless you are phony.
4. Sometimes, we swing both ways.
We might be introverts, but sometimes we are just so the life of the
party. We do this willingly when we’re up to it, but we can’t always
keep that kind of energy going. If we throw a party, great! But give
us some time to recover.
Recover is the key word. We can be with or in a crowd, but afterwords,
we need time alone.
5. We have friends. And they like us! Probably.
People hear the word ‘introvert’ and think of the goth kid sitting alone
at the food court. That’s a whole different thing entirely. We love having
friends, and our friends love having us! We put in a conscious effort for
people we think are worth it.
We see through those who are not worth it and move on as those who
have a constant self centered need for attention aren’t real people,
and likely are far more insecure than we are.
6. When with the right people, we feel safe.
Having the right people in our lives is amazing. we really give our
best selves to the best people. We shine in the right company.
But sometimes it takes a while to find those people.
7. We like to write things out.
Writing is easier than talking for us sometimes. Email is the best
because it helps us get the thoughts out of our heads without
being interrupted. Thinking about giving us a call? Try a text or email instead.
8. We’re super productive.
Sometimes at least. Usually in our alone time, we’re able to really
rock and roll on projects that we need to finish. The solitude helps us,
as we tend to be a bit more distractible than most.
Especially when you constantly talk about nothing just to talk. At work,
the people who have to comment on everything are the worst as
it usually isn’t productive. See small talk.
9. If we don’t like you, you won’t know it.
It’s the truth of the matter. We hate conflict. So even if we don’t like you,
we’ll still be nice. It’s a lot easier than being real with you. Especially if
your feelings are inconsequential enough that confronting you on your
bullshit isn’t even worth the time. Sorry. Well, not sorry.
And we move along without you as you just aren’t worth it.
10. Networking events suck.
Seriously. Is there a mailing list we need to opt out of? There are few
things more uncomfortable than a networking party. Except maybe a
dentist’s networking party that we’ve just been accidentally invited to.
Yes, so why do extroverts keep trying to drag us into this nightmare?
11. We don’t like crowds.
Though I find that after a few beers, I can tolerate it. Introverts tend to
get overstimulated easily, so big crowds are tough to deal with.
It’s just not worth it. Those who have MOP (miss out phobia)
have to be with the crowd, not us. See number 2.
12. Sorry, we probably weren’t listening to your story.
We care deeply about our friends, but people outside of that
circle will have a tough time maintaining our attention. It’s not
that we have ADD or anything like that, we just don’t really
care about you. On the plus side, we won’t judge you, so feel
free to tell us all the fucked up things you said to your ex.
People will tell me anything and everything because
I won’t repeat it. But usually won’t remember it either.
13. Don’t make a fuss out of our birthdays.
For the longest time, I had a great deal of difficulty
understanding why I hated my birthday so much.
Everyone I ever knew would come out and party
with me! But then I realized: that’s the problem!
We don’t need to make a fuss out of our birthdays,
so please don’t do it to us.
Or any holiday for that matter. It’s just another day.
14. We don’t want to make a fuss out of your birthday.
We can quietly honor the annual birthday, right?
It’s your day. You have everyone else making a big deal about it.
15. If we’ve chosen to be friends with you, appreciate it.
We value our alone time. If we see you often, it means that we
really love you. Just don’t get too bummed out when we
don’t hang for a week at a time sometimes.
We’ll likely be the most reliable friend you have, the one
you can call on when your loud friends let you down.
But visitors are like fish, they smell after 3 days.
Hat tip to Higher Perspective.
- Bonus: How to date and introvert, by an introvert.