I originally posted the story below in 2006 on the death of my Father.
I’ve been blogging since 2005. I’ve covered IBM, Analyst Relations, Covid-19, humor, pets, sarcasm, and introverts.
Unfortunately, my medical condition has worsened, and I can’t keep up with both dying and blogging.
A few people have extended their best wishes. Some posted what they liked about it, which I found interesting. Some found themselves (those who didn’t know they were introverts).
If you could, leave a comment as to what you liked, or if by chance I helped educate you on something.
I’ve enjoyed it, but all things come to an end, and so this is it for Delusions of Adequacy. Thank you all for reading.
I’m leaving the blog open because there is a lot of educational subjects, probably 10,000 memes and some stuff that made it to the top of Google for a while.
I’ve had fun, but since I’m not having much fun with my chemo, something had to give. Actually, a lot of things had to give.
Original post
My Father passed away today and I won’t be posting for a while. I’ll leave you with this story.
The Wooden Bowl
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about Grandfather,” said the son. I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening, the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I’ve learned that, no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I’ve learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents; you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.
I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.”
I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
I’ve learned that every day; you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.
The World Cup is More like the WWE than a sport. I’ve haven’t watched that much, but I saw a guy go down in agony with a real injury, 30 second later he was setting a record for sprinting to get the ball. It’s getting bush league
In good news Fisherman rescues 220-pound sea turtle tangled in thick ropes. (More here)
Death by Socialized Medicine – Let the Europeans brag about their substandard healthcare they get for free. They pay for it in taxes and in the long waits for bad service.
4 And the end of Pride Month, as if anyone cared. This is how 98% of the people really feel. The 2% have done a Jesse Jackson on Homosexuality to get their way. Ordinary people wish it would just go away and have people leave them alone to live their lives without having to bow to the lie that people like and accept this (other than the 2%)
The Left’s Deep Hatred of America as We Celebrate the 250th Anniversary – they also hate God. Let’s be real clear that Democratic Socialism, what they claim they are now is the same term Germany used for being a Nazi. While the Left were so busy calling everyone a Nazi, they were the actual ones.
I love this contest. I was a Kobayashi fan before there was a Joey Chestnut. I’ve been watching this for a long time. My wife thinks it’s disgusting, but her manners came from Europe and she never was in a fraternity.
He’s the top dog for a reason.
Joey “Jaws” Chestnut gobbled his way to victory once again at the Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July hot dog eating contest Saturday in Coney Island, scarfing down 66 wieners and buns in a dominant performance he said was hampered only by the scorching temps.
“Eating here on the Fourth of July is a dream; it’s electric. There’s no place better on Earth,” said Chestnut, wearing a gaudy, bejeweled Polymarket necklace, for the sports betting company, around his neck.
Joey Chestnut was the winner yet again at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest Saturday. Stephen YangThis victory marks Chestnut’s unrivaled 18th win at the 4th of July Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.
The win earned Chestnut, 41, his record 18th coveted Mustard Yellow Belt, the Stanley Cup to competitive eaters, and $10,000. It was his second consecutive title.
On the women’s side, Florida mom Miki Sudo captured her 12th championship belt by scarfing down a gut-busting 38.75 wieners.
The temperature at the start of the men’s contest was 90 degrees, and Chestnut admitted the weather took a toll on his high-octane eating.
Spectators gather before the start of the 2026 Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July hot dog eating contest at Coney Island. AP Photo/Anna Connors
“I usually don’t have this much spare room left over, but we’ll see — something cold,” he said.
“It’s definitely hard. I didn’t want to go into it saying it’s going to affect me, I wanna go into it and convince myself that I can work through it,” he said.
“I didn’t want to let it bother me. I didn’t want to push it because if I push it, then things will get stuck in my throat and then I just needed to stay calm and keep going.”
After his win, Chestnut told The Post he still had room for dessert.
“I’m hungry, and it’s a beautiful day. This is going to be a great Fourth of July,” Chestnut told “Good Morning America” on Saturday morning. Stephen Yang
Chestnut, who has won 18 times out of 21 appearances at the internationally televised event, crushed the second-place winner, Patrick Bertoletti, 41, who managed 51 hot dogs, but was well shy of his own 2021 record of 76 wieners and buns.
In 2024, Chestnut was banned from the contest over his sponsorship deal with plant-based meat substitute company Impossible Foods, leaving Bertoletti the victor—and the first person since 2015 other than Jaws to win the contest, with 58 dogs and buns.
Defending champ Sudo, 40, said there was no way she was going to lose this July 4th — America’s 250th birthday,
Over the years, countless critics have pointed out the errors both in Gore’s film and in his ensuing personal crusade as, like Don Quixote, he continues tilting at windmills (while ironically advocating for their proliferation).
I could type pages on this one, but I’ll spare the readers. Most write better than I do anyway so I’m interested in their thoughts.
As for me, as soon as we meet, I throw up a wall until I can trust whomever you say you are. I also look for clues as to who they really are, not who they say they are.
For girls, I look for red flags like hair dyed in an unnatural color, excessive piercings (or one in the nose), too many tattoos (more than one hidden one. Most of all, check her friends and family. Crazy girlfriends means your petite petunia is likely been run through by a lot of dudes. Body count matters a lot too. No matter what, even if you are a way better guy, you are compared to the past.
For Guys, there is a line between confidence and cockiness. It can be smudged at first, but it shows itself. I don’t mind an Alpha male, as long as he’s decent to others. There is always a bigger fish.
Being an introvert, anyone who talks too much small talk instead of substantive conversation is kept on the sidelines. I just can’t listen to drivel for the sake of talking. Introverts will understand this.
The first line to break a relationship for me isn’t lying, everyone does that. It’s loyalty. That is like virginity, you can only lose it once. Once it is gone, our relationship is stalled probably where it started. So far, no one has gotten a second chance. I’ll never really trust you again, despite my best efforts.
The biggest thing I learned was to not talk back immediately, say no early and often to most things, and don’t commit to doing things you know you don’t want to do. That has saved me more time from the suck portion of life than almost anything.
Like I said, I can go on, and on, but that would just be a continuation of the life of an introvert.
The World Cup and Climate Change together on a solution they’ll never find. Don Quixote-ville. Two subect that can go fake and are boring to watch and listen to
World Cup Fever Not Expected to Be Growth Driver. It’s not going to be the big event it would be in other countries, soccer, or your footbal is 4th or 5th at best in US. South America will have to hold up the Americans who care
There are times that I need to brake on some topics The chemo has me feeling almost sea sick. I still have some humor, life experience and every day stuff.
So unless I fall into the well of yo momma memes, this is the last post on this subject.. Steal them as I need to clear cloud storage space. They are high on my list to remove for the space in my cloud storage
I lose more readers on this category than any other I post about. Try to get that it’s a joke and doesn’t represent who I am, other than I thought some were perfect.
I spent most of my life prior to the Internet. I worked in the tech industry so I was able to get on it earlier than most, but that didn’t change my regular life.
I never had to worry about social media either. You could just not Answer the phone, or call someone back. When you broke up, it was over.
I could get to anywhere I wanted with a piece of paper with instructions on it, and a (dime)/quarter to call a home phone since we didn’t have cell phones. All my friends could get there too, and we all got there on time, and at the same time. 
That means I also write in cursive, and can drive stick. The first car I had was so old I had to learn how to double clutch to downshift.
We learned to read the weather by observing the wind, the sun, the title patterns, and observe nature.
I had to look up stuff in an encyclopedia, or find a book using the card catalogue system to write term papers.
So if they drop EMP, I’ll be just fine. As for Gen X, why, Z, millennials, and the rest of the people after boomers, they’re effed.
The post-conversation spiral happens when you leave a social interaction and can’t stop overthinking whether you totally screwed it up.
My brain was doing it again.
I’d had a lovely time getting to know a potential new friend. We had a lot in common. We were both single moms, both about the same age, and both working in mental health careers. She got my references. She seemed to understand my life. And the dinner meetup was, well, fun.
So why was my brain picking apart every little thing I had said and done?
You idiot. I can’t believe you said that.
Why did I share that story? Did I trauma dump?
She said she wanted to hang out again… but she was probably just being polite.
Even though I make my living writing about introversion, social anxiety, and socializing, I had fallen headlong into a common pitfall: the dreaded post-conversation spiral.
What Is the Post-Conversation Spiral?
You might think the social anxiety problem ends when the conversation ends. But for a lot of people, that’s when the second half begins: the mental replay, the shame, the “evidence gathering,” and the imagined judgment.
Psychologists call this post-event rumination or post-event processing. It’s when you replay a social situation in your mind, focusing on what you think you did wrong. Instead of remembering the interaction as a whole, your mind zooms in on a sentence you wish you had phrased differently, a pause that felt too long, or a facial expression you couldn’t quite interpret.
Research has found that the more socially anxious someone is, the more likely they are to ruminate after a social event. In other words, the post-conversation spiral is not just a bad habit or a personal weakness. It’s a real part of the social anxiety cycle.
And unfortunately, it makes anxiety worse.
Why Your Brain Does This
Social anxiety makes you focus on yourself. Instead of simply being present and enjoying another person’s company, part of your attention turns inward.
Then, when you replay the conversation through the lens of fear, you’re not reviewing it neutrally. You’re acting like a detective searching for clues that confirm your anxiety while overlooking the evidence that everything went fine. A small awkward moment starts to feel like proof that the whole interaction went terribly.
This is one reason the spiral feels so convincing. It seems like you’re gathering facts, but really, you’re gathering anxious interpretations.
And even if you would never be diagnosed with an official social anxiety disorder, you may still know the feeling of coming home from an otherwise pleasant interaction and suddenly wondering whether you totally screwed it all up.
Why ‘Just Stop Thinking About It’ Doesn’t Work
If you’ve ever tried to force yourself to stop replaying a conversation, you already know that doesn’t work. Sometimes the harder you try not to think about something, the louder it becomes. You tell yourself, “Stop thinking about that weird thing you said,” and now the weird thing you said is the only thing available for your brain to think about.
A better approach is not to fight the anxious thoughts, but to change how you respond to them.
The goal is not to convince yourself that every conversation went perfectly. That would be unrealistic, and your brain probably wouldn’t believe it anyway. The goal is to become a little more balanced and a little less self-punishing.
How to Stop the Post-Conversation Spiral
Here are six science-backed things that can help:
1. Name what’s happening.
The first step is to recognize the spiral for what it is. You might say to yourself, “This is post-event rumination,” or, “My brain is replaying the conversation because I feel socially anxious right now.”
That creates some distance. Instead of treating every thought as a proven fact, you take a step back and begin to see it as part of an anxiety pattern.
There’s a difference between “She thought I was weird” and “I’m having the thought that she thought I was weird.” The second version does not make the worry completely disappear, but it does give you more room to question it.
2. Pinpoint the specific moment you’re stuck on.
Ask yourself: What moment keeps coming back to me? Once you identify the specific worry, it becomes easier to examine.
“The whole night was terrible” is hard to work with. “I’m worried I talked too much about my divorce” is something you can actually think through.
3. Ask what evidence you actually have.
This is where cognitive restructuring can help. Cognitive restructuring is a technique often used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that helps you examine whether your thoughts are accurate, exaggerated, or incomplete.
Ask yourself:
What evidence do I have that my worry is true?
What evidence do I have that it might not be true?
Is there another possible explanation?
What would I think if a friend told me they had done the same thing?
For example, maybe your new friend got quiet after you told a personal story about your divorce. Your anxious brain decides, “She was uncomfortable and now she regrets meeting me.”
But there are other possibilities. Maybe she was thinking about what you said. Maybe she related to it. Maybe she was tired. Maybe she didn’t know how to respond in the moment. Maybe the pause felt much longer to you than it did to her.
The point is not to force a positive interpretation. The point is to stop treating the most painful interpretation as the only one.
4. Check your expectations.
If you’re socially anxious, you probably hold yourself to a standard you would never apply to anyone else. You expect yourself to be warm, interesting, funny, appropriate, relaxed, responsive, emotionally available, and perfectly articulate all at once. No awkward pauses, no clumsy wording, and no signs of nervousness.
People say odd things. They interrupt without meaning to. They tell stories that don’t land exactly the way they hoped.
A more realistic standard might sound like:
Did I show up?
Was I kind?
Did I listen?
Did I make an effort to connect?
Did the other person seem comfortable overall?
If the answer is mostly yes, the conversation does not need to be put on trial.
5. Make a plan only if a plan is needed.
Sometimes rumination is trying to point you toward something useful. Maybe you want to send a simple text saying, “I had a nice time tonight.” Maybe you genuinely said something that came out wrong and you want to clarify it. In those cases, take one concrete action.
But notice the difference between action and rumination. Action sounds like, “I’ll text her and say I enjoyed dinner.” Rumination sounds like, “What if she thought I was desperate when I said we should hang out again, and maybe I should wait three days, but what if waiting three days seems cold, and what if she only said yes because she felt sorry for me?”
When there is something to do, do it. When there is nothing to do, the task is learning to sit with the uncertainty without feeding it.
6. Use mindfulness as a way to return to your life.
Mindfulness does not mean you have to become perfectly calm. It can be as simple as noticing the replay and gently returning to what is happening right now.
Imagine the rumination as background noise. It can be there without getting all of your attention. You can be washing dishes and notice, “There’s that thought again.” You can be reading in bed and notice, “My brain is replaying dinner again.”
Then bring your attention back to the dish, the book, the room you’re in, or the next small thing you need to do.
Let the Conversation Be Good Enough
I’m trying to remind myself that maybe I did say something imperfectly at dinner. Maybe there was a moment or two that felt awkward. Maybe I could have asked a better question or not overexplained so much.
But maybe that’s also just what happens when two humans are getting to know each other.
The post-conversation spiral wants us to believe we have to perform perfectly in order for someone to like us. We must never be awkward, never overshare, never be too quiet, and never say the wrong thing.
But real relationships don’t work that way. People usually don’t decide whether they like you based on one sentence or one clumsy moment.
So the next time your brain starts obsessively replaying a conversation, you don’t have to fight it. You also don’t have to believe everything it says. Pause and ask, “Am I reflecting, or am I ruminating?”
Reparations: Who Pays Whom? – Those who made it to the US have it so much better, they should be thankful. Plus, a surprisingly low number of Americans were slave owners.
Why Are White Liberal Women Obsessed With an Ideology That Oppresses Women? – The last 2 words in that description tells you everything. That they could be liberal and are women, meaning they think with their feelings and emotions rather than deal with the facts and the hard choices. If they thought through the situation, they’d still be women, but for sure wouldn’t be liberals, cutting off their noses to spite their faces.
Marriage
No Wonder Men Are Opting Out – men have simple needs, food, sex, respect and most of all peace. If you read the list of what girls are putting men through, What rational man reads this list and thinks: yes, that’s exactly what’s been missing from my life? Do they stay up at night and think of how to make things worse for men?
I’ll put a portion of the article right below this with a full link if you care to read.
Marvel was great because it was good guys beating the bad guys. It wasn’t a dissertation on how to be woke, queer, tranny or any other thing but a hero.
They got into a situation that seemed unwinnable and create a solution to overcome the evil of the world or universe and win.
It started out with defeating the Nazi’s. Who doesn’t like that story? The real heroes were men who overcame. That is what life is about, not seeing how woke you can be.
The audience were a bunch of geeky white guys in their parents basements believing they could be Ironman or Captain America, not BLM, flaming fags, and for sure they know there is no girl who is going to kick ass on a bad guy. It is fantasy where you imagine you are saving the world, not trying to make it gay. This is just a different them on the Bud Light story
Now, the story:
(ZeroHedge)—The saga of woke comics is the saga of woke America. Much like video games, comics and superhero movies were ignored by conservative movements as “meaningless kids stuff” until recently, which is part of the reason why those industries were so easily invaded by leftists and used to indoctrinate millions of children and teens a decade ago.
Culture is more important than politics. This is obvious. It’s a fact that leftists have understood for generations and one that conservatives have foolishly dismissed. Only in the past few years has there been a shift; at least, the progressive rampage through America’s various media institutions has been stalled and slightly reversed.
But, the most captured platforms are not going to change anytime soon, even in the face of financial decline and mass layoffs.
Disney and Marvel have recently announced a shake-up of the comics division, with over a thousand layoffs this year (after moderate layoffs over the past few years), and new executive leadership. Far-left DEI advocate Dan Buckley is on the way out. This change is being presented as a retirement, though some skeptics argue he is being forced out as part of the company’s restructuring.
Buckley replacement is not much better, however. TV Chief Brad Winderbaum is taking over as Marvel President and his track record on Marvel TV series includes some of the biggest woke failures in streaming history – Ms. Marvel (Muslim Pakistani representation), She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (feminist/meta take, which he defends as a strong performer despite critical failure), Ironheart (feminism and BLM propaganda), Echo, Agatha All Along, Wonder Man (prominent LGBT elements).
Marvel Comics, a subsidiary of Disney, has been at the forefront of far-left propaganda in content for many years, and their woke concepts are usually ported directly into Disney’s movies and streaming series. Everything from gay and trans X-Men to black Spider-Man, to female gender swaps of popular male characters have become the norm. And, books sales have flatlined in response.
I could be very serious here and write a dissertation about the relationship between God, man and the history between the 3. Instead, the child inside of me will do this:
I’m going to have a hard time taking this one seriously, as it is my favorite Mensa joke.
It continues like this: and give 3 examples. Most people take it seriously and try to think their way through it, not realizing that it is a joke on them. I’ve heard some of the lamest responses by people of all levels.
Were I in college, it would be a couple of pairs of extra underwear, a few cases of beer and a few blunts.
Now that my life is half a century later, I’m willing to go to my mountain house. I have my stuff there, I know the place and I don’t have to fly or stay in a germ ridden hotel room that was barely cleaned. I’m getting sicker, so big travel plans are now not in my life
I stayed in an airbnb last year that was a dump. It was completely different from the pictures and description.
So for me, I go to one of my houses and that’s it.
The newly released novel, Yesteryear, by Caro Claire Burke, features a tradwife who gets transported back to the 19th century to live a truly trad life. Deeply humbled by her experience, the tradwife desires to return to the present day, replete with the luxuries afforded to her by the feminists she disdains. Already a New York Times bestseller, the novel is set to be adapted for film by Anne Hathaway.
It takes little imagination to anticipate how the film adaptation will go: Much like the dystopian vision of The Handmaid’s Tale, it will amount to a scolding for those lacking gratitude for feminism. The implicit message is exactly what feminists have always insisted: conservative women who embrace domesticity are either frauds, victims, or too dim to know the difference.
I’ve been writing about feminism for more than a decade. The main opposition is almost always the same: tedious clichés and skimpy narratives. I’m told that I want women to be subjected to vile men with no way to escape or that I don’t think women should work or vote. And then, there is some effort to remind me how I have personally benefited from feminism — usually because of my doctorate, or public voice. These tired arguments, gracing comment boxes, social media, and a wide array of publications, are repetitive, unthinking, self-righteous.
Few realize that these exhausted sound bites were established decades ago to protect feminism from criticism. Media, academia, and vocal influencers pushed these talking points deeply into the culture. They’ve become so entrenched that they’ve scarcely needed adjusting from outside pressure and remain so dominant that Hollywood can bank on them. This novel and soon-to-be-movie will follow the same playbook.
What is not generally grasped is that, despite its self-assured bravado, feminism is actually a fragile ideology. Because it is not based on a solid foundation of truth, it can only survive through power, so it relies on perception, PR, and political force. In the face of decades of its corrosive effects, it can’t draw from scientific studies or even principled arguments to defend itself. All it has is a broad defensive perimeter of clichés and a tidy narrative of protection. Western women and men have been unwittingly supplying it for decades, allowing feminism to expand unchecked.
The effect has been that most people genuinely believe they are protecting something good, buying into the largely fictional narrative that feminism “is just about helping women.” Few realize its connection to the havoc now on display in the culture.
What Is Feminism?
In its simplest form, feminism is the belief in two things: Men are contemptible, and women should be just like them.
This definition isn’t a one-off found in some obscure, unknown feminist. Rather, it can be seen in the work of every major feminist leader for the last 200 years: Mary Wollstonecraft, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan, Kate Millett, and Gloria Steinem. What is their biggest enemy? The patriarchy. And what do they want? To have the power they believe the patriarchy has.
These two ideas — men are contemptible, and women should be just like them — have been cemented together to form the bedrock of western women’s views on sex and marriage, resulting in highly destructive consequences: an ever-widening gap between men and women and steep decline in marriages, women’s battle with their fertility and bodies, increased abortions, the birth dearth, the push for same-sex marriage, surrogacy, gender fluidity and the trans movement, and the rise of anxiety and depression.
It wouldn’t be my first choice to promote cancer awareness, but it’s quite a feat nevertheless.
ALERT: Man gets lit on fire as he pulls a police car with his pen-s in an attempt to raise awareness for prostate cancer.
John Stephenson, 50, is a strong man who, using a rope attached to his genitals, became the first person to pull a car, a 2-ton French police vehicle, with… pic.twitter.com/XgWEHFNopg
Are there more important stories we could be covering? Sure, I guess. Iran is still a thing. Trump is going to China. Democrats are being all a noun and a verb and a “raaaaaacism” over redistricting. Plus, generally speaking, when we here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website write about testicles, it involves a dude whipping them out in the girls’ bathroom and Democrats supporting them doing so. It’s nice to have someone put their balls to good use for a change.
John Stephenson, a 50-year-old kickboxer, shattered a glass ceiling, becoming the first bloke to pull a two-ton car with nothing but his dong WHILE set on fire. Technically, he didn’t use his entire one-eyed trouser snake, piece of pork, wife’s best friend, his Percy or his cock (he’s British, so I’m biting off of the Monty Python song). He just used his nuts. He also set himself on fire too. Why? Good question.
I’ve pulled a car with my testicles before and I’ve pulled a car on fire – so I thought why not combine the both, but this time do it with my penis.
Rest assured, everything is still intact! Stephen says that while “it did hurt quite a bit,” but he likes to set challenges and this was something no one has done before. He did the research.
Look, I played Handel’s Messiah over 200 times. I know classical music, I’ve played everything from Rhapsody in Blue, Fugue in G minor, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Mozart and you name it. I’ve played them all
I also heard Charlie Daniels trying out The Devil Went Down To Georgia 6 months before He released it to see if the crowd would like it
Still, I enjoyed Robert Plant playing old Zeppelin tunes and Brad Paisley playing his greatest hits as much as anything. Rock N Roll, Trampled Under Foot, So Much Cooler Online, I’m Gonna Miss her were as much fun to listen to as anything.
Everyone likes their own style of music. I’m interested in what you guys like also.
“Moderate” Democrat Abigail Spanberger Considers Tax On Gym Memberships And Streaming Services, Among Other Ideas
Virginia Governor Abigail Spanberger is facing backlash after refusing to rule out new taxes on everyday services like gym memberships and streaming subscriptions, according to the Daily Mail.
During an interview with 8News, the Virginia governor was asked whether she would sign legislation expanding the state’s sales tax to cover a long list of services. Rather than rejecting the idea outright, Spanberger said any proposal that seems “reasonable” should at least be part of the conversation as lawmakers search for new sources of revenue.
Tax everything that moves and restrict people from having a life.
And then there is Zohan Mamadini. Let’s not overlook that he has a huge spread in Uganda. There is a muslim governor at the place the planes were flown into the towers 2 decades ago. Ironic, isn’t it?
Her priority is maintaining a safe space for illegal aliens and refugees. And if that interferes with the safety of vulnerable legal residents, including seniors, so be it.
None of this is a surprise. Often referred to as the Mamdani of the West during her campaign, Wilson never tried to hide her far-left world view. She once told supporters, “Yes, I am a socialist. … I’m fine with being called a socialist.”
Wilson’s indifference to the well-being of an elderly city resident reveals something about her character. Last week, she laughed at the prospect of wealthy taxpayers fleeing the city. “Bye” she said with a big grin on her face.
Seattle was already a city in decline before Wilson took office. Something tells me it’s about to get a lot worse.
Study Shows Some Humans Are Evolving To Be ‘Foxier’ – one thing is for sure, they are better than American girls in attitude alone. Feminism ruins females, and no amount of good looks makes you want to listen to them and their entitled, striving for likes online attitude.
If you’re introverted or neurodivergent, it means your brain is processing more during group conversations than other people realize.
I could feel myself disappearing into the background.
I was sitting at a table with six other adults in a noisy coffee shop. We were all strangers, meeting for a book club for the first time.
I had joined the group because I love reading, but also because I wanted to make a few new friends. As an introvert, I don’t always make friends easily, so I thought it would help to have a built-in topic to talk about — the book.
But suddenly, I was back in a familiar introvert struggle that had been with me my whole life: a group conversation.
The conversation moved fast, bouncing from person to person with no structure. Even when I had something meaningful to say, I couldn’t get my thoughts out quickly enough before someone else started talking. When I did speak, someone often interrupted me before I was finished, and I felt pressure to rush just to get my words out.
All around me, other people were talking and laughing. Coffee machines hissed. Orders were being called out. Sometimes I couldn’t hear well, but more than that, as a highly sensitive person, I could feel my mind getting overstimulated. I started mentally checking out.
If you’ve had a similar experience, you’re not alone. Group conversations aren’t always easy for introverts, highly sensitive people, or neurodivergent people. Since that book club, I’ve learned a few things about group conversations that make them a little easier. They might help you, too.
Why Group Conversations Are Draining
If group conversations feel harder than one-on-one conversations, you’re not imagining it. Group conversations are a different social task altogether. They aren’t just one-on-one conversations with more people added.
The more people in the conversation, the harder it becomes to follow what’s happening, know when to jump in, and get a fair share of speaking time. Research on conversation shows that human turn-taking is extremely fast. Usually, there are only a few hundred milliseconds between when one person stops talking and another person begins.
(Fun fact: In one study, Danish speakers had the longest average gap between turns, which I find interesting because Danish culture is supposedly very introvert-friendly.)
All of this adds to something called cognitive load. When you have to deal with multiple speakers at once, or keep switching your attention from one speaker to another, you listen more slowly and less accurately. That higher listening demand makes it even harder to know when to speak.
In other words, big groups place more demands on your attention, memory, and energy than one-on-one conversations do.
And it doesn’t help if you’re in a noisy public place, with other sounds and sights competing for your attention, like I was at that book club.
If you’re introverted, sensitive, or neurodivergent, it doesn’t mean you have nothing to say. It means your brain is taking in and processing more stimuli than other people often realize.
How to Make Group Conversations Easier
Whenever possible, I try to socialize one-on-one or in small groups. It lowers my cognitive load and helps me protect my energy as an introvert.
But sometimes that’s just not possible. You may also have to deal with group conversations at work, at networking events, or at family gatherings.
So here are a few ways to make them a little easier:
1. Jump in early.
Research shows that as groups get bigger, it gets harder for everyone to participate equally. Often, one or two people end up dominating the conversation. That was definitely true at my book club. One man seemed to think he was the main character.
Making a comment early helps in two ways. First, it removes the pressure of trying to find the perfect moment later. Second, it makes it easier for other people to bring you back into the conversation as things go on.
It can also reflect well on you. Speaking early can make you seem confident, even if you feel anything but confident inside.
And your comment doesn’t have to be brilliant. It can be tiny, like an interesting observation, a moment of agreement, or a clarifying question.
Another reason to speak early is your social battery. As the event goes on, you may lose steam, and group conversations can drain your energy even faster. Even if it goes against your quiet nature, talking early lets you contribute while your energy is still at its highest.
Once the introvert hangover starts to set in, it gets harder to think clearly, listen well, and put your thoughts into words.
2. Use follow-up questions as your entry point.
Not sure how to jump in? Ask a question right after someone finishes talking. Follow-up questions are easier than coming up with a completely new topic under pressure.
Good examples are:
“What happened next?”
“How did you feel about it?”
“Was that what you expected?”
“Would you do it again?”
“What did you learn?”
In a group, follow-up questions do double duty. They lower your cognitive load, and they make the speaker feel heard.
Research has also found that people like you more when you ask follow-up questions, because it shows that you’re interested in them. In one study, people who asked more follow-up questions during speed dating were more likely to get asked on second dates.
This approach also plays to a natural introvert strength. One of our conversational superpowers is helping a discussion go one layer deeper instead of jumping from topic to topic. Introverts are often the ones who move beyond small talk and into more interesting, meaningful territory. And the science supports that instinct: People often expect deeper conversations to feel awkward, but they actually leave people feeling more connected.
Just make sure to read the room. If the group is joking around or rushing with excited energy, a deep question can feel a little out of place. For example, a group that’s quickly swapping travel stories probably won’t want to pause for a deep question about how childhood shaped the way someone experiences adventure.
3. Switch to listening mode when your social battery runs low.
When that happens, it may be time to leave. But if you can’t get away just yet, switch into listening mode. This can help you conserve energy without fully checking out.
Even if it’s obvious you’ve gotten quieter, you don’t want to give the impression that you’re uninterested. Use visible listening cues. Look at the speaker. Nod. Briefly reflect back a phrase. Offer a short verbal cue like, “That makes sense.”
In groups, not everyone talks all the time. Being visibly attentive is still a way of participating.
And if someone points out that you’ve gotten quieter, remember that the strongest response is usually the least dramatic one. Be comfortable with who you are, acknowledge the comment, and then move on.
“To be honest, I’m more of an internal processor.”
“I’m just not a big chatter, but I’m enjoying listening.”
“I get that question a lot, but I’m actually very comfortable.”
“I’m honestly more interested in hearing from you.”
“I tend to speak up once I’ve fully formed my thoughts.”
When the social event is over, plan for some extra “me time.” Because of everything going on, group conversations can be overstimulating, even when you enjoy the people you’re with. There’s nothing wrong with needing a breather afterward, or going home and planning no other social activities for the rest of the day.
The next time an introvert in your life needs alone time, remember it’s not personal. They need solitude because that’s how they’re wired.
I love spending time alone. There’s nothing better than being at home in my comfy clothes, reading a good book, or watching a show while munching on snacks. This doesn’t mean I don’t crave time with “my people” — those I laugh with and share my day with. But when I don’t get enough alone time, I start to feel tired, cranky, and overstimulated, even if I’ve enjoyed being with the people I love.
Sometimes when I need alone time, the people in my life feel hurt. They feel rejected, but that’s not what it means. I need little periods of solitude to recharge my energy and feel like myself again.
Why do introverts need alone time? Why does socializing exhaust us, even when we’re having fun? Recent research offers some interesting insights. I delve deeper into these findings in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts.
The Curious Connection Between Introverts and Rewards
When writing my book, I spoke with Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who had published a paper on introversion. He explained that one reason introverts need alone time is related to how we respond to rewards.
No, I’m not talking about the gold stars you might have earned in grade school (though it could be argued that stickers are indeed a reward for kids). For adults, rewards can be things like money, social status, social connections, food, and even sex. When you get promoted at work or convince an attractive stranger to give you their phone number, you’re receiving a reward. Hurray!
Of course, introverts also value things like money, relationships, and food. However, researchers believe that introverts are wired to respond differently to rewards than extroverts. Compared to our more outgoing counterparts, we “quiet ones” are simply less motivated and energized by these same rewards. It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while introverts see overcooked hamburgers.
In fact, as any introvert can confirm, sometimes those “rewards” aren’t just less appealing — they can actually be tiring and annoying, like a big party. This brings me to another reason why introverts need alone time: We react differently to stimulation.
An Extrovert and an Introvert Go to a Party
Take, for example, two friends at a house party — one an extrovert, the other an introvert. They’re crammed into a crowded room where loud music blares from huge speakers. Everyone is practically shouting to be heard over the din. There are a dozen conversations happening simultaneously, with just as many things demanding their attention.
For the extrovert, this level of stimulation might feel just right. He sees potential rewards everywhere — an attractive stranger across the room, opportunities to deepen old relationships, and the chance to make new friends. Most importantly, tonight offers a chance to boost his social status within his friend group, especially if he plays his cards right.
So, the extrovert feels energized and excited to be at the party. In fact, he’s so motivated that he stays late into the night. He’s exhausted the next day and needs time to recover — after all, partying is hard work. But to him, the energy spent was well worth it.
Now, back to our introvert. See him over there, hunkered down in the corner? For him, the environment feels overwhelming. It’s too loud, there are too many things happening at once, and the crowd creates a dizzying buzz of activity. Sure, he wants to make friends, fit in, and be liked, but these rewards just aren’t as tantalizing to him. It feels like he would have to expend a lot of energy for something he’s only mildly interested in to begin with.
So, the introvert heads home early to watch a movie with his roommate. In his own apartment, with just one other person, the level of stimulation feels just right. He exchanges some texts with a woman he met a few weeks ago in one of his classes. Like the extrovert, he too wants friends and a romantic partner. However, he finds it too tiring to deal with the noise and socializing at a big party to make those connections.
The Dopamine Difference
Chemically, there’s a good reason the introvert in the above scenario feels overwhelmed, and it relates to a neurotransmitter called dopamine. This chemical, found in the brain, is often referred to as the “feel good” chemical because it regulates our pleasure and reward centers.
One of its roles is to make us notice potential rewards and motivate us to pursue them. For example, dopamine alerts the extrovert to the attractive stranger at the party and fuels his motivation to come up with a cheesy pick-up line.
Another important function of dopamine is reducing our cost of effort. Socializing requires energy because it involves paying attention, listening, thinking, speaking, and moderating our emotional reactions. Technically, socializing is tiring for everyone, including extroverts. However, dopamine helps make it less exhausting for them.
According to DeYoung, extroverts have a more active dopamine reward system. As a result, they can better tolerate — and often push through — the tiredness that inevitably comes with socializing. Much of the time, they don’t experience the same level of mental and physical fatigue that introverts do, thanks to dopamine.
It’s called the “introvert” hangover, not the “extrovert” hangover for a reason.
A New Theory of Introverts and Dopamine
In her 2002 book, The Introvert Advantage, Dr. Marti Olsen Laney speculated that introverts may be more sensitive to dopamine. In other words, we “quiet ones” might need less of it to feel good. Too much, she wrote, could leave us feeling overstimulated.
Science has come a long way since then. When I caught up with DeYoung again, he told me that theory had since been disproven. In fact, scientists now think it’s the opposite.
In fact, DeYoung told me, extroverts are the ones who are more sensitive to dopamine. For example, if introverts and extroverts are given the same drug that affects dopamine, extroverts tend to have a stronger response and become more motivated by similar stimuli later on.
It’s not that dopamine itself makes introverts feel overstimulated. Rather, when introverts do overstimulating things, like going to a party, they may not get as much dopamine release. Extroverts, on the other hand, may get a much bigger dopamine hit from those same activities.
“Without the sense of reward, the extra focus, and the sense of being ‘worth the effort’ that dopamine initiates,” DeYoung told me, “the introverts simply find the activities overwhelming and/or tiring instead.”
Extroverts Place More Significance on People
Finally, a study found that extroverts might simply find humans more interesting than introverts do. This finding aligns with the idea that introverts are less motivated to seek social rewards.
In this study, researchers observed a diverse group of individuals and recorded their brain’s electrical activity using an EEG. As participants were shown pictures of both objects and people, the researchers measured their brains’ P300 activity. This activity happens quickly in response to sudden changes around us and gets its name because it occurs within 300 milliseconds.
Interestingly, researchers found that extroverts showed the P300 response primarily when viewing images of faces, whereas introverts only exhibited this response after viewing objects. Essentially, extroverts’ brains became more active when looking at people.
This doesn’t mean that introverts hate people (though, admittedly, the human race can get on my nerves occasionally). Researchers still don’t fully understand introversion. However, these findings suggest that extroverts might simply place more importance on social interactions than introverts do.
So, the next time an introvert in your life needs alone time, remember that it’s not personal. Introverts need alone time because their brains are wired that way. It isn’t necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you or your relationship.
As for me, you can find me at home tonight. Preferably with the whole place to myself, that is.
Yannow, they’s assholes evrywhar. The entier country wants the Save Act, including the libs, yet Thune can’t get it passed. It would stop cheating as we know it, although I’m sure they will think of a new way
The Senate has packed up and gone on a two-week vacation without passing the SAVE America Act. They also passed a compromise bill to fund DHS, except for ICE and CBP and their support staff, which House Speaker Mike Johnson has rejected.
I know he hates Trump, but does he hate Americans and Republican control of the Senate also?
Hard as he tried, he still couldn’t be a bigger asshole than the wife of Gavin Newsom. Yes, he’s running for president and his wife just did this:
Gavin Newsom’s wifey brags about taking her kids to southern American states to see “racism” up close and personal
How about the homeless, the people and companies leaving the state that her husband ruined, and the shithole that California has become?
She is vying to be 1st Lady and pulls this kind of shit.
According to Jennifer, the Newsom family took the kids on a red state tour to show them firsthand what racism is all about. The problem with this, however, is that these states and their inhabitants are not racist. In fact, implying people are racist simply by existing would, in fact, be racist.
She went as far as to claim that she wanted to see racism, misogyny, and bullying for them to effectively “be the change they wish to see in the world.” She believed visiting these states would “expand their hearts” so that they could continue on the leftist mission their father had embarked on. And while it is great to teach your kids that things like racism, sexism, and bullying are wrong, she largely missed the mark here.
She went looking for trouble when it was in her backyard.
She’s trying to outdo Hillary, Michelle (Big Mike) Obama or Jill Biden as the worst first lady.
That probably won’t happen, but what will is that she is the asshole of the week.
The real answer is almost everything. From the minute you are born, you live a different life from everyone else.
So the real answer is life. It shapes everyone differently, from the experiences to how we handle them. Even Identical twins have separate lives.
Unless you could do everything at the same time with the same person and have the same response, you are different.
That is comforting to me, because I don’t want what anyone else has. My life is mine.
On a side note, have you ever looked at a group of people together? How is it that we have that many people and not a one of them is the same? Different eyes, nose, ears, chin, size, shape, coloring, and the list goes on.
I could bring God into this conversation, but I know a lot of you have different views, so I’ll just leave it at this. Go ahead and try to find 2 people who are the same, or even close.
Aside from the fact that there is a God, this is an easy one.
No one gives a shit about you, really. Not long after you die, people don’t even think of you, other than in a story. Two generations after you die, virtually no one remembers you or anything you did.
Think of all the people who have come and gone in your life. You don’t think about 90% of them. Who remembers every kid in elementary school? How about the kids on the street you grew up on. When did you speak with them last? Did they initiate the conversation?
Most people overestimate their importance, especially to others. Your spouse will likely even get remarried if you die.
This works for me on a lot of levels, though. I have eliminated a lot of people from my life who weren’t making it any better. That’s a thing that is best for introverts, though.
This fact has been my best friend in a lot of instances. I even got rid of Facebook because too many people wanted back in my life that I thought I’d gotten rid of.
I used to worry about other people’s feelings, and I wound up doing a lot of stuff that I didn’t want to do. I found out later that they didn’t really care and felt expendable. They would have been ok if I was there or not, so I wasted a lot of time.
Now, I’ll make exceptions for some of my family, but I say no a lot. Sometimes, my goal is that I just don’t want to do what they want to. When I found out they didn’t really care, and I wasn’t hurting anyone’s feelings, I am just fine saying no to almost anything and everything.
My goal is to avoid crowds and people whenever possible now
I learned way more from mistakes than I did from successes. I expected them. Having to re-do something, or being embarrassed for saying or doing the wrong thing, were lessons I never forgot. For the record, I consider losing the same thing as a mistake. I hate to lose at anything. If I do, I make sure it only happens once in a row,.
Life is a great teacher. When you get old like me, you’ve been through a lot. School can’t teach you much other than how to learn, or some facts to memorize. Having to survive is a lesson that I get every day. Hell, I’m grateful every day I wake up now.
The Scientific Shift Toward God – Overall, scientists have been able to calculate that the odds of our universe existing from random chance are 10 to the 60th power. As a contrast, there are roughly 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 grains of sand in the Sahara Desert.
Yannow, it gets boring when one person keeps being an asshole. So, I’m not giving her the prize, but she gets mentioned. This woman (I think she’s a female) should just STFU.
Michelle Obama has gone off about how her family was held to higher standards during her husband Barack‘s presidency, RadarOnline.com can reveal.
The former first lady took a swipe at President Donald Trump and his family, saying there’s “no way” his behavior would have been “accepted” by the public compared to when the Obamas lived in the White House.
There’s more here, but she’s just bitching. It’s all a lie because she had 3 times the number of staff that Melania has, drank only top-shelf liquor, and got handed everything to her from fame to fortune while doing mostly nothing, but bitching.
But, this weeks winner was Obama’s writer, and liar Jon Favreau.
Would someone please reach out to Jon Favreau and remind him that he worked for Obama, one of the worst presidents in the history of this country? Oh yeah, and also remind him about Libya, Syria … and the price of gas under his boss.
Not to mention the last person who has anything to say about Iran is a guy whose boss sent billions of dollars to the same 86-year-old tyrant he’s ranting about.
You have to be irretrievably stupid or deliberately trolling to think this post was a smart thing to write.
Dead Americans, $100/barrel oil, billions of dollars a day on a massive war that's so far replaced an 86-year-old tyrant with his son.
He hits out at the current administration for shit that isn’t half as bad as what they pulled. He’s showing more love for a murdering Mullah than the USA.
Delusions of Adequacy 