Category: humor
Hanlon’s Razor (Not Occum’s)
Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.”
Euphemisms for Stupid
This is the first update in a while, but it was well worth it. If I missed one, please comment and I’ll include it.
If one of these offends you, take the complaints elsewhere, I’m the one that got dissed here.
A beer short of a six pack
A brick short of a load
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen
A couple of gallons short of a full tank
A few ants short of a picnic
A few beers short of a six-pack
A few bricks short of a pile
A few bricks short of a wall
A few cards short of a deck
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few feathers short of a whole duck
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
A few peas short of a casserole
A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce
A few trucks short of a convoy
A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner
A pepperoni short of a pizza
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on
A sandwich short of a picnic
A train short of a full service?
About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb.
About as useful as a chocolate fireguard
Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride; a little light in the
belfry
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools
As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory
As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle
As quick as a tortoise on Prozac
As smart as bait
As useful as a screen door on a submarine
As useful as a wooden frying pan
As useful as tits on a bull
Body by God, Mind by Mattel.
Bright as Alaska in December
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Could screw up a one car funeral
Doesn’t have both oars in the water
Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in one box
Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash
Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice
Donated his body to science before he was done using it
Dumb as a corn cob.
Dumb as a stump.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
Dumber than a bag of rocks
Dumber than a lobotomized rock
Elevator don’t quiet make the top floor
Fell out of the family tree
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Goes surfing in Nebraska
Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together
Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching
Gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
This is the one —> Has delusions of adequacy.
Has two brains, one’s lost and the other is out looking for it
Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool.
He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg.
He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart.
He played too much without a helmet
He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut
He’s got a leak in his think-tank
He’s got a mind like a steel sieve
He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer
He’s so dense light bends around him
He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour the water out of a boot if the instructions
were on the heel
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
His cheese has slipped off his cracker
His porch light ain’t on
I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice
If brains were chocolate – he wouldn’t have enough to fill an M&M
If brains were dynamite – he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose
If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off
If brains were gasoline, he couldn’t ride a moped around a fruit loop
If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate
If he had a brain, he’d be dangerous
If he had another brain, it would be lonely
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week
If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted
If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change back
If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean
Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders
Isn’t firing on all thrusters
Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock
Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp
Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.
Mind is in neutral, body is in gear
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needing a few screws tightened
Not firing with all spark plugs
Not the brightest light in the harbor
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box
Off his rocker
On/off switch is broken in the off position
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One neuron short of a synapse
One taco short of a combination plate
One turbine short of an airplane
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests
Prime candidate for natural deselection
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Requires directions to lay sod
Room temperature IQ
Running about a quart low
Running on empty
Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she
had two guesses.
She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or
lower?”
She’s not tied too tight to the pier
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled
Strong like bear, smart like tractor.
Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
The elevator is stuck between floors.
The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming
The lights are on, but nobody is home.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead
Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window
Too many yards between the goal posts
Two hub caps short of a Buick.
Warning – Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby
Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle.
Your the flower of my life (you blooming idiot)
You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world.
Your mouth is writing checks that your intellect cannot cash
Ah, Wedding Bouquet Toss Failure Again
If I plan it right, I’m gone way before this happens.
Hey U.K., Your About To Be King, Prince Chuckles Wants To Put Masks On Cows, Chooses The Wrong Global Warming End Of The Animal
Sure, Biden is a joke, but he’ll be gone soon. Chuckles will be King for life unless Prince William can bring some sanity to the throne.
The Queen held out as long as possible, every time he says something like this I watch her hang on a little bit longer:
“I can’t tell you how proud I am to be associated with the Royal College of Art, particularly as a result of seeing the remarkable ideas presented by many of the alumni and existing students,” Prince Charles said at the event where the prizes were given out. “May I say that it is critical because of the urgency we face in terms of the crisis confronting us in all directions and just how important is what their ideas represent in terms of finding solutions rapidly.”
But putting masks on cows? Really? Not only does it sound ridiculous, it sounds rather inhumane.
“I feel rather sorry for the cow. Animals don’t tend to like wearing stuff on their faces if they can help it and I should think the first thing they are going to try and do is scrape that thing off on a fence post and the fields will be left full of plastic masks.” said British journalist Ross Clark, who added that cows “got to be able to eat and breathe.”
Clark also noted that the device does nothing to stop methane emissions from the animals’ other end.
“When methane’s emitting from the mouth you can’t sort of cover the whole thing which is why this device has only really claimed to capture 60 percent of the methane emitted through a cow’s mouth and nothing out the rear end,” Clark stated.
Centuries of Georges, Williams, Richards and now Chuckles the 1st.
Twitter user Perry Lucas summed it up well, saying “Our future King, Prince Charles backs a face mask device for cows that catches Methane emissions in order to stop climate change. Jesus….what is he smoking? Truly are living in clown world.”
Meanwhile, many climate scientists — even climate-fanatic scientists — have dismissed the notion that a trace gas such as methane has much, if any, effect on global warming. Some climate modelers have even omitted it from their models.
Physicist Dr. Tom Sheahen points out that any effect that methane (CH4) might have is essentially canceled out by water vapor already in the atmosphere.
“The ratio of the percentages of water to methane is such that the effects of CH4 are completely masked by H2O. The amount of CH4 must increase 100-fold to make it comparable to H2O,” Sheahen notes.
It’s germane to point out that Prince Charles is a high-profile proponent of the so-called Great Reset, a plan pushed by the World Economic Forum that would have the common people move on to other sources of protein rather than livestock. Insects, for instance, are good enough for us.
The same people are proposing huge new taxes on meat, which could eventually make it unaffordable to the masses.
Ham School Lunch Taco’s
Check with me for more recipes, like Hillbilly Sushi
High IQ Humor – Star Trek Style
I’m a doctor, not a …….
I Found The G-Spot Vs. I Founded The G-Spot
According to Wikipedia:
The G-spot, also called the Gräfenberg spot (for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg), is characterized as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and potential female ejaculation. It is typically reported to be located 5–8 cm (2–3 in) up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra and is a sensitive area that may be part of the female prostate.
We all know the jokes about it and whether we actually found it, either guy or girl.
How about the guy that founded it. The G-spot is named after Ernst. The obvious questions are how did he find it, how long did he search for it and how long did he keep up the research after he completed his studies just to have naked women around. Did he change his name to Eric Stratton, rush chairman, Delta Tau Chi?
So he is famous for having the pleasure spot named after him. The difference in founded it and found it.
High IQ Humor – The Scientific Answer To Does This Make My Ass Look Fat
So in other words, yes.
Brian May went on to get his Ph.D. in Astrophysics.
I’ve always loved Queen’s music. Now, I like it more. Here’s Fat Bottomed Girls, because it’s a great song.
My Secret Power, If I Was Still Working
A lot of meetings suck and are just a dick measuring contest. I posted Why Meetings are a wasted of time and how to get out of them a while back.
I wanted to choke the shit out of a lot of people. Just click either work or IBM in the tag cloud to the right.
There are some people that deserve this and I’m the one that would deliver it to them, especially Sandy Carter, but that would be a long line to wait in.
There are some people I’d force choke their balls instead to end their tirades or whatever nonsense they were bringing to the table. They’ agree to my point a lot faster.
I’d use the Jedi mind trick to get people to do stuff also, like give me a raise or stop giving me a hard time.
Like a lot of things, it’s probably better for the world that I’m not a force wielder. There are too many dark side things that need doing to some people.
Since I don’t have the force, I have to settle for my usual super power.
Weekend Update On Depp/Heard Trial
I was aware that it was going on, but have yet to click on an article because they are celebtards, a group of people that deserve what they get, good or bad. It sucks to be famous, I promise you.
On an added note, I also glanced at a headlines about a Kardashian wedding or something, but couldn’t care enough about that either. Plus, I didn’t want to lose my streak of never seeing anything Kardashian on purpose.
Peeing In The Men’s Room, The Unwritten Rule We All Know
And, you if by chance you do break the next rule of look ahead and not at the other guy, you only are allowed to look each other in the eyes.
Guys learn this without being taught. No matter what socially/politically correct spew that comes out of their mouths outside the bathroom door, once you enter the rules are the same for everyone, everywhere.
If you are spatially aware (like a Seal or Spook), you go to the stall where you can’t get attacked from behind, but that is skill level 10 for dangerous people.
Gorilla Glue Update, Not The Hair You Think It Is
My crotch hurts just thinking about a Brazilian. Ouch.
Which brings me to why girls do this anyway. Maybe some one will chime in the comments and explain it being worth it.
Hi IQ Irony- Grammar Style
Stupid is as stupid does, that and a box of chocolates.
A Once In A Lifetime Headline, If Only I Could Have Done It
Way to go Jessica, or your editor more likely. It’s like something big is on Uranus.
Why You Are Stupid To Argue On The Internet
That is intuitive for some, but there are new users each day. We also are in the election cycle, so max out the stupid button with this next round of fun in the web universe.
Why You Should Enjoy Life
I’m playing golf today. It’s finally nice outside here. I hope you enjoy your day.
Yes, I Would Giggle If I Had To Say That
It’s like when the answer is a dirty word, but not in the context on Jeopardy. You sometimes get to cuss, or say a word like dick, dump or some other childish Beavis and Butthead joke on national TV.
I’d call in to ask if they could page Mike Hunt.
So Much For Big Tech Being The Good Guys
We all knew it anyway. Maybe with Musk buying Twitter it will eventually stop being the hate fest that currently is. Naw, I don’t believe it either.
To All The Gen X/Y/Z’s And Millennials; Why You Won’t Be As Cool As We Were
Girls? Better
Music? Way Better
Movies? More Original, that’s for sure
Cars? When cars were real cars
High IQ Humor – Grammar Style
Thanks Irish
If You Feel Like You Are Useless…..
The pool is the gender neutral bathroom we’ve had for ever.
Men, You Got To Get Your Girl One Of These Rings
Bring on the Karen’s and the feminist whiners about supposed misogyny to shoot hate darts at me. Wrong, you don’t know sarcasm and humor when it smacks you in the face.
I don’t want anymore trackers following me and reporting back to big tech. However……..There are a lot of girls that have been in and out of my life that if I’d have bought them one of these, a lot of people’s lives would have been a lot better. I don’t care about my heartbeat or how I slept, this isn’t why I’d buy one.
If I’d have known who was going to lose it in the office or anywhere else in my life, I’d invest in a box full of these gems. Just give them away on Valentines day and voila, you know when to hide or go play golf.
Come to think of it, there have been a few dudes from NY (Ed B I’m looking at you) that lost it way worse that most girls. I would have bought them one as a gift to me.
Things That Don’t Lie, Yoga Pants
When I went to Milan, the fashion capital of Italy I was expecting gorgeous clothes on stunning women. What I got was a parade of yoga pants, in this case done worse than in the USA.
No matter where I go now, be it the grocery store, a restaurant, walking anywhere it’s pretty much what you see on girls of all age.
I got news for you. Most of you shouldn’t be wearing them, or shouldn’t be wearing them outside the house. I get that it is the fashion trend and they are comfortable, but a lot of you fill them out way more than they were meant to. This is even true in the gym, where they are acceptable.
Well, it’s a boon to guys who want to check you out, unless you are an exhibitionist. It hides nothing and reveals everything. A lot of you shouldn’t be wearing thongs underneath them either. Those are supposed to be sexy and there are few over their mid twenties that make them look that way.
Don’t come back with guys with beer bellies and butt cracks because I’ll get to that in another post.
For now, here’s why:
If you really want to laugh, play this song because it describes almost every name there is for this part of the anatomy. It’s freakin’ hilarious.
Hypocrite Karen’s Kneel Young and Joni Mitchell Back On Spotify
After no one gave a shit that they were off, combined with them not getting money for work they did in the 70’s, the two whiners quietly came back to Spotify.
It turns out that their hippie culture couldn’t override greed and capitalism. That and Joe Rogan is way more popular. So much in fact that everyone was willing to let the two Karen’s go away to keep him.
Many people also realized that they like free speech and that Rogan had some actual scientists with facts that turned out to be true about Covid and Climate Change. The two pot addled brains who thought there was someone who cared about their him or me stance gave up in less than a week.
I like Joni Mitchell’s music, but Young’s is crap since he left CSNY. I missed neither.
Now maybe if we stand up to other celebtards, woke, politicians, libtards, the LGBFJBQ+ and others that make everyone miserable, we could enjoy our lives a lot more. Assholes like Young and Mitchell don’t live in the real world. They got their asses yanked back into it quickly.
Posting Stupid Stuff On Facebook
Same thing for Alcohol. When I see a girl post herself holding a drink, like all guys learned when they are growing up, it’s a leg spreader.
If I guy is posting at drink, I think here, hold my beer because something stupid is happening soon.
Is This a Mikaela Face Thing? Do They All Make It (At Least At The Olympics)
How I Know Woke Pronouns Are Ridiculous
Don’t try that shit on me. I see through it. It is for crazy people who don’t have enough to do
The New Girl Scout Cookies This Year
When I was raising a girl scout, I bought dozens of these waist killers. I brought them into work one day and offered them to my co-workers. While most declined or took one or two, Laura Knapp, from the NHD proceeded to knock down an entire sleeve as I watched in disbelief. I thought it was an imposition on my generosity, but then she was in the meme.
Explaining Why Karen’s Act That Way
Separated At Birth?
Pencil Trick For Girls, Towel (Doughnut) Hanger For Guys
Hanging a towel on your junk is a joke that Jeff Foxworthy made about the side effects of Viagra. I learned about the pencil trick from off color office banter at some point in my working career.
They aren’t fooling me about what they are hanging doughnuts on. It’s below the belt humor.
People do this when they get bored. It is sophomoric, but funny to me as I have a 12 year old’s sense of humor.
Crack Is OK, But Ivermectin Is Dangerous…Or Something
Thanks Woosterman.
Tax Time, Government Sarcasm
Yes, it was a terrible move, that will continue to have consequences. Putin is using Biden like a piece of toilet paper over the Ukraine. He may not even do anything other than make us look silly (not me). Xi is zeroing in on Taiwan knowing Biden can’t handle a 2 front war and will back down.
Don’t get me started. The level of incompetence in Washington right now is astounding.
The Truth About Selfies
Selfies are Me, me, me. It’s all about me and getting likes.
It’s why introverts have a life advantage, we have no need to show off about what we eat, drink, who we are with and what we do. I’ve noticed that the more intelligent also don’t have the need to be so narcissistic.
On my rare social media posts, it’s usually about my dog.
Vegan Humor – How They Are Made
I’ll keep making fun of them as long as they keep telling me about that they are Vegans.
Thinking you are morally better than others isn’t the same as actually being that.
How Man Buns Were Inspired
I’m sure they think they look good, but as we look back on some of the do’s that we thought looked good at the time, I don’t think this is going to age well.
It should age like the inspiration at the bottom.
(Karen) Neil Young, Say’s It’s Him Or Joe Rogan On Spotify, No One Seems To Care
First of all, he sold the rights a few years ago, so he can’t really claim any control or make any demand, dumbass. Second, he’s wrong about Covid and Rogan has scientists and doctors on his podcast who know the actual facts.
He’s just another Karen who gives Canada and celebrities a bad name. Go back home and leave us the hell alone. Canada has some pretty horrible Covid policies so maybe he’d be happier.
It is reported that he has maybe 2.4 million followers total. Rogan gets as many as 50 million per episode, especially when he has a Covid expert on.
None of his music has been very good since he left Crosby, Stills and Nash. No one gives a flying fig.
It’s Karen’s like him that make you dislike people who got famous but should just STFU.
I’ve listened to them both. Rogan is very entertaining. Young’s music isn’t very good (I change the channel and have for decades when he comes on).
I’d be OK if Spotify kicked him off or agreed to let him go. No one would notice.
He got an answer from Spotify:
Spotify to take down Neil Young’s Music from their site.
Still no one cares. He has been a poser his whole life.
My New Favorite Introvert Book
Once you can handle being alone, the rest of life isn’t a problem and you are free from the grips of other people ruining/ruling your life.
I am the president of the being alone club.
On Being Alone, Be A Rebel About It – Introvert Stuff
The older I get, the more I don’t want to do stuff with others. I like them, but my ability to want to hang with people grows shorter every day.
Just leave me alone. I promise I’ll leave you alone.
If I want to talk, I promise you’ll know. If I want to know something from you, I’ll ask.
I enjoy being alone more than with crowds. I’ve had a lifetime full of that and have never felt the need to be a part of one. That includes standing in lines for something (like Disney) or wanting to be accepted in someone’s social circle (that has stupid clique rules).
FWIW, my name is John, and I don’t give a fuck.
Euphemisms For Farting
I posted Euphemisms for stupid a while back and it’s still pretty high on the search list. I was in the shower, where I do some of my best thinking and gathered some of these off the web. I have also posted on how much farts weigh.
No matter who you are, you fart. Most people think it’s funny. Old people don’t care and just let it go whenever. Guys have farting contests and remember the loudest, longest and smelliest ones. Girls say it’s gross in from of others, but let it rip when they are alone.
Everybody thinks it’s funny if someone famous gets caught.
It’s still a Covid test. If you can smell it, you don’t have Covid.
Enjoy
Air bagel
Air biscuit
Airbrush the boxers
Air tulip
Anal acoustics
Anal ‘ahem’
Anal audio
Anal exhale
Anal salute
Anal volcano
Anus applause
Answering the call of the wild burrito
back blast
Back draft
Back-end blowout
Backdoor breeze
Backdoor sneeze
Backfire
Bake an air biscuit
Baking brownies
Bark
Barking spider
Barn burner
Bean blower
Beef
Beefer
Beep your horn
Belch from behind
Belching clown
Benchwarmer
Better open a window
Blast
Blast the chair
Blat
Blow mud
Blow the big brown horn
Blue dart
Blurp
Blurt
Bomber
Boom-boom
Booty bomb
Booty cough
Bottom blast
Bottom burp
Booty belch
Break the sound barrier
Break wind
Breath of fresh air
Brown cloud
Brown dart
Brown haze
Brown horn brass band
Brown thunder
Bubbler
Bull snort
BUMsen burner
Bun shaker
Bung blast
Burning rubber
Burner
Burp out the wrong end
Bust ass
Buster
Butt bazooka
Butt bleat
Butt bongos
Butt burp
Butt cheek screech
Butt dumpling
Butt percussion
Butt sneeze
Butt trauma
Butt trumpet
Butt tuba
Butt wind
Butt yodeling
Buttock bassoon
Chair air
Cheek flapper
Cheek squeak
Cheeser
Cheesin’
Colon bowlin’
Colonic Calliope
Crack a rat
Crack concert
Crack one off
Crack splitters
Crap call
Crop dusting
Crowd killer
Cut a stinker
Cut one
Cut the cheese
Death breath
Deflating
Doing the one cheek sneak
Doing the two cheek sneak
Drifter
Drop a bomb
Droppin’ stink bombs
Duck call
Eggy
Emptying the tank
Exhume the dinner corpse
Exploding bottom
Exterminator
False pooper
Fanny beep
Fanny frog
Fart (of course)
Fecal fume
Fire a Stink torpedo
Fire in the hole
Firing the retro rocket
Fizzler
Flame thrower
Flamer
Flapper
Flatulate
Flatulence
Flatus
Flipper
Float an air biscuit
Floater
Floof
Fluffer
Fluffy
Fogger
Fog horn
Fog slicer
Fowl howl
Fragrant foof
Free jacuzzi
Freep
Free speech
Frump
Fumigating
Funky roller
Gas
Gas attack
Gas blaster
Gas master
Get out and walk Donald
Ghost turd
Gluteal maximus gas a mess
Gluteal tuba
Great brown cloud
Grundle rumble
Grunt
Gurgler
Heinie hiccup
Heinous Anus
Hisser
Hole flapper
Honk
Honker
Horton hears a poo
Hot wind
Hottie
Human hydrogen bomb
HUMrrhoids
Ignition
Insane in the methane
Inverted burb
Jet power
Jet propulsion
Jockey burner
Just calling your name
Just keeping warm
Kaboomer
Killing the canary
Lay an egg
Lean mean bean machine
Let each bean be heard
Let one fly
Let one go
Let one rip
Let the beans out
Lethal cloud
Let Polly out of jail
Make a stink
Mating call
Methane bomb
Methane dart
Methane mating call
Methane pain
Mexican (food) jet propulsion
Moon gas
Mouse on a motorcycle
Mud duck
Nasty cough
Nose death
Odor bubble
Odorama
One-gun salute
One-man band
One-man brass band
One-man salute
Orchestra practice
O-ring oboe
Painting the elevator
Paint peeler
Paint stainer
Panty burp
Parp
Parper
Party in your pants
Pass gas
Pass wind
Peter
Pewie
Pip
Playing the tuba
Playing the trouser tuba
Poof
Poof-poof
Poop gas
Poop gopher
Poot
Pootsa
Pop
Pop a fluffy
Pop tart
Power puff
Puffer
Puff the Magic Dragon
Putt-putt
Quack
Quaker
Raspberry
Rattler
Rebuilding the ozone layer
Rectal honk
Rectal shout
Rectal tremor
Rectal turbulence
Release a squeaker
Release the hounds
Rip one
Ripped the cheese
Ripper
Ripple
Roar from the rear
Roast the jockeys
Room clearer
Rump ripper
Rump roar
Saluting my shorts
Scud missle
Shoot the cannon
Silent and scentless
Silent but deadly
Silly cyanide
Singe the pants/chair/etc
Skunk bait
Slider
Sphincter siren
Sphincter song
Sphincter whistle
Spitter
Split the seam
Squeaker
Squeak one out
Stale wind
Steam-press your pants
Steamer
Step on a duck
Step on a frog
Stink bomb
Stink burger
Stink it up
Stinker
Stinky
Stinkmeaner
Tail wind
Taint tickle
Thunder from down under
Thurp
Toilet tune
Toot
Toot your own horn
Tootsie
Trouser cough
Trouser trumpet
Trunk bunk
Turd tremors
Turtle burp
Tushy tickler
Uncorked one
Uncorking
Under burp
Under thunder
Venting
Vent one
Wallop
Whiff
Whoopee
Whopper
Zinger
These came from Farthub
Marriage Advice – Yeah, This Oughta Work, Just Like Last Time
Thanks Woosterman
17 Gunshots Fired In Mount Airy (Mayberry) Carjacking. I Guess It Wasn’t Barney Fife Who Only Ever Had 1 Bullet
Sheriff Andy only let Barney had one bullet because he was a nincompoop. While Mayberry is a fictional town, it actually is Mount Airy NC.
Now this:
MOUNT AIRY – A teenage suspect was badly injured in a shootout when police say he and another suspect attempted to carjack a driver in Mount Airy who was legally armed with his own weapon.
Philadelphia Police Chief Inspector Scott Small told reporters that a 60-year-old man was getting out of his car on the 6500 block of Cherokee Street just after 8 p.m. when he was approached by two young carjackers.
One of the suspects demanded the man’s key and pointed a gun at his face, according to police. The man then pulled out his own gun and a shootout occurred that included nearly 17 gunshots being fired.
The carjackers fled, but the man told responding officers from the Philadelphia Police Department that he had shot the armed carjacker.
When You Just Don’t Give A F&(K
Looks like the conditions I’ve been driving in, only this guy does it better.
If I Had, Say, More Than A Few Friends I’d Still Do It – For Introverts
It takes a lot to really be my friend. I have many acquaintances, but you have to be level 10 to really by my friend.
2022, The Year We Were Supposed To Have Flying Cars and When George Jetson Was Born
Instead, we have:
And this:
Or this:
I’m amazed at the stupid we’ve become because of social media, the woke and the tripe that TPTB want us to believe. Oh yes, and those who actually believe the nonsense that is coming out of places like Washington DC and Davos.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who sees through this shit.
The Truth About Old People
You also don’t give a shit so you say what needs saying. I stopped caring whether people liked me a long time ago. If they don’t, it’s one less person to have to worry about. I can do it while being polite too, so it’s not an asshole thing.
Not caring what people think, another of my super powers.
The Weather Is Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful
Winter hit here up in the mountains. I’m lucky that I have 4 wheel drive on both my truck and my dog.
No one is going anywhere. It’s an introverts dream
In case you don’t get the title, it is a Jimmy Buffet song.
Saturday Mood, Don’t Forget World Introvert Day Is Tomorrow
So I dedicated this to our current government, Fauci, the Jab, the CCP, MSM, celebtards, sportstards, freeloaders who could be working, social media and those trying to control the narrative on things like Covid, Election Fraud, race hustlers, mail in ballots and a lot of other 2021 crap.
There, did I cover everything? I think not but I’ll get to it in 2022.
Oh, and Epstein didn’t hang himself and neither will Ghislaine Maxwell.
Happy New Year
Wile E. Coyote ACME Update
Loony Tunes, still funny after all these years.
Dangerous Men Who Won’t Be Woke
I’m not in the dating scene, but I learned early not to put up with any shit. When it got too thick, I was moving on. The field just thins itself for those who have the slightest bit of common sense these days.
Moral of the story, don’t go with popular group think. Be your own man (for real men).
I’m sure this works both ways because I’ve seen enough woke dudes who are perfect for real women not to select. I can’t speak for them because the real women speak for themselves.
The rest can lose together by being woke.
How To Argue When You Are Married
This funny because it’s true. It’s how I deal with it now. I don’t even bother to try and win anymore. He tells you why.
He pokes fun at our younger selves and when we learned to grow up. Real life here.
Someone’s Been Waiting A Lifetime To Write This Headline
Obviously, my humor is sophomoric. It gives me more to laugh at and about.
Yes, A Lot Of People Are Stupid
Don’t get me started on Covidiots, politics, the Media, Social Media, celebtards, sportstards…..it’s where stupid seems to live.
3 Menopause Skincare Do’s and Don’ts….And Then I Realized This Is What It Said.
I glanced at this without much thought…
By 2025, there will be over 1 billion women experiencing menopause in the world, which will be 12% of the entire world population. Most women hit menopause by their 50s. However, changes in the body start to appear earlier than you might think, often many years before a woman officially hits menopause. This time in a woman’s life can bring bothersome and debilitating symptoms which can significantly affect a woman’s health and daily routines….
It goes on with the article.
AND THEN IT HIT ME
There are 1 billion women experiencing menopause in the world. I got scared and pulled the covers over my head for the day.
I also realize why Al Gore was wrong on global warming.
See, I told you if you hung around long enough someone would get offended….
The Difference Between Men And Women Using Photoshop
See a couple of posts down about all fishermen lie except me.
Covid Things I Want To Do
Yep, I would too. It may be a bit demented and childish, but to me it sounds funny as heck because I can be both.
All Fishermen Lie, Except Me
I fished competitively for a while. Even the fishing shows will tell you to hold your catch closer to the camera to make it look bigger.
If you are the only one there, no one can prove that it wasn’t a pound or two heavier, or an inch or foot shorter.
I’m sure I never exaggerated about my catch……ever.
Saturday Introvert
I feel this way a lot of the time, not just Saturday. I hadn’t thought about doing the cough one, but I am now if someone doesn’t social distance or I can’t avoid them.
There are a lot of conversations I don’t start. As soon as I leave the house it’s on.
And this next one, I have way more conversations in my head than with others, even though it is about them. Just like the one above, it’s not worth it to talk to them, but way worth it to talk about them to me.
It’s why I don’t go to high school or college reunions. The people who are my friends and that I want to talk with, I do. If I don’t, this is the reason.
How I end 90% of my conversations, usually with one word…right, fine, good, ok.
When I give up trying because the other person just isn’t worth it (or all of my ex’s, I just wish I’d learned it in college).
Wedding Bouquet VS Garter Belt Rules
courtesy of wirecutter.
I caught one once because the bride was hot. I got asked 3 times to be married and still held out for a decade until I was ready.
Another Covid Death – Sarcasm
Seriously, when the facts are uncovered, like in Italy, we’re going to find out that Covid was far less deadly than the jab and a lot of people are going to be pissed at Fauci, the Government, the CCP for letting it loose and themselves for buying into the BS that has gone on for far too long.
At some point, they can’t suppress the facts of what is really going on, like a power play.
Blogs I Follow – Busted Knuckles
I’m not sure how I found Phil at Busted Knuckles. It may have been through the Feral Irishman or Knuckledraggin’ My Life Away. It may have been a link from someone pointing out his site. When he was changing platforms, a lot of blogs I follow pointed to the new URL to help him out. He’s a popular guy.
It doesn’t matter because it’s near the top of the list of blogs I look at in the morning. His mornings are a lot funnier than mine with his morning coffee and smokes, and really tough work hours.
It took me a while to figure out what he did, but I think he is a mechanic. A lot of his blog stuff doesn’t concern it other than going to work and them trying to screw him out of a job because of the jab. I am following closely to hope he beats the system and gets to keep working. He looks like a pretty talented worker and would be valuable to whoever picks him up.
What is great is that his tool collection/stuffed garage and how he can fix damn near everything is intriguing. His followers send him old tools that they don’t use, but he knows exactly how to use them/fix them if they are broken and tells tales about how he has used them on a job. No matter how much I bitch, no one sends me anything like that.
I find his car project, a Sprite to be funny also. He’s put months or years into fixing it and every drive is an adventure as to if it will make it home or where it’s gone. I saw him threaten to sell it after owning in as a project for years. I’ve been a car guy forever and love these stories.
Back to the Vaxx, he has done his homework on what it can do to you and I agree with his position many hundreds of percent. It is surprising given that he lives near Portland. That has become a hellhole (I had a daughter who lived there) and not known for people educated like him.
I’ll give him this, he is very generous with helping others, especially his family and I don’t know if they appreciate it enough.
Anyway, head on over and enjoy like I do.
In honor of him, I’ll end it like he does a lot, BFYTW.
Definition Of Woke
Just like a person driving down the street with their seat belt outside the door sparking on the road. It signals, I’m stupid as hell, stupid as hell, stupid as hell.
I wish these people would grow up and get a life so they would stop ruining others.
I put in the about section recently that sooner or later you will get offended if you read my stuff long enough. I can eliminate the woke if there are any left.
Anti-Social Device
I’ve enjoyed social distancing. It allows me to keep people away that I don’t want to talk to. I can see it coming a mile away and with Covid I can pull away, claiming the 6 foot “health” distance.
I can’t stand it when people get in your face and won’t take the social hint that I want to be done. I try not to be rude, but some people have to be stopped. This is perfect. Some people won’t take no for an answer. This is the perfect no.
As usual, I probably shouldn’t be allowed to have one as I would use it too often. I’d probably burn it out from overuse.
Proof That You Can’t Fix Stupid
With apologies to Ron White.
Stuff I Ask Vegetarians
Of course, then I bring up the joy of bacon. I usually find it funnier than they do.
Delusions of Adequacy 