This would be cruel, unless I did it.
games
Hotel Practical Jokes
I hate hotels. It is a petri dish of other people’s germs and the usual lack of fastidiousness by the cleaning crew.
I thought this was funny though. My favorite part of any hotel stay is leaving. Here is a parting gift.
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Good Photo Bombs, Level Expert
The best I could do on my own was a dog taking a dump in the background. A lot of people have that. I’ve never made expert.
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More Pi Day Humor
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Go Ahead, Try To See If You Can See The Lines Straight, No Chance
A Day That Won’t Happen Like This Again – What A Way To End The Year
High IQ Humor – Entomology Style (Also Math)
Dick Jokes, If Told By A Girl
I bet she’d want to write her name in the snow and on the wall too.
As for me, I can’t get them to fit as the hole is too small, but I imagine I could fit a dozen or so (only if I smashed them flat together)
This is how it is being a man. It’s much more than donuts. We hang towels also.
And this is how we do it, and stuff all guys know.
but first, you have to know the guy rules we knew when we were born
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Written By Willie Make It, Illustrated by Betty Don’t
Another childhood book, like revenge of the tiger, but Claude Balls; Yellow River by I P Freely….there are hundreds of them
Hat tip to wirecutter.
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Childish Humor
High IQ Humor, Education Style
Stuff That Is Impossible For Your Body To Do, Just Try To Do This
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Another Gotcha For Looking At This
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Stuff Like This Is Irritating As Hell
Again from Wirecutter.
I hate stuff like this. It’s like a picture that is crooked or one cord shorter than the other.
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Somewhere There Is A Teenager Naming His Johnson After This
The jokes about eating write themselves now.
A lot of men have a name for their dicks. I’ve heard endless versions. Some are more creative than others.
Everyone copied theirs from someone else except my friend Mitchell. His was the Mighty Throbber.
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A Little Christmas Sarcasm To Brighten Up The Season
S
Fortunately, it is over on Sunday and everyone can get back to their normal non-Christmasy self.
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Competitive Eating Update, When Joey Chestnut Sharted His Pants
Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has been one of my favorite sports for years, since Kobayashi was king. My wife thinks it is one of the grossest competitions ever held, adding to my enjoyment.
I heard an interview with Joey Chestnut about taking a dump the next day after downing 70 hot dogs. I’ve wondered about that also.
What I didn’t know was that he’s done it while competing. Gross I know, but it didn’t stand in the way of him winning.
At least he’s honest about it.
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High IQ Humor, Teacher Style
This would be me, but not because of science. I’d try to knock the end one off the swing.
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High IQ Humor – Physics Style
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Nose Hair Extensions, They’ve Taken It Too Far This Time
Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.
And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…
https://www.instagram.com/p/BadLJYHn1QC/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.
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The Gender Neutral Bathroom
While this is a piece of modern art depicting the world as a cesspool, It is how I feel when I go to do laps after kids have been in the pool.
I fear the adults do it also as I know the competitive swimmers all admitted it.
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Stuff I Want At My Funeral
The Picture Writes It’s Own Headline, I Can’t Top It
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Stethoscope, Motorboat, What’s The Difference
A Guy’s Walk Of Shame
It’s a guy rule. You have to get all of the bags from car to house in one trip. Other stuff is seeing how far away the garage door opener will work from your house. If you can make a throw to the trashcan easily, you have to add difficulty to it like behind the back or use the other hand.
The list goes on.
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Me, Looking At Meme’s
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Sure, Men Only Care About One Thing, Guess What It Is:
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Words I Made Up
Spell check catches a lot of my mistakes. I’ve noticed a trend recently when I write a word that I can’t find anywhere, so I started keeping a list. I’m sure that some of these should be words and I’ve used them in posts already.
Some may actually be words and I’m wrong about it, but I didn’t win the National Spelling Bee or grammar contest either.
Here’s my list so far. I’ll add to it as I make stuff up. I’ll take contributions if you have one and give you credit on the blog.
Christmasness – too much Christmas
Commerciality
Dickness – acting like a dick
Assholiness – speaks for itself
Incorrecter – more incorrect
Silenting – silencing someone
Frothily – frothy
Ender – the event that signals the end of something. That goal was the ender of the game.
Holify – translation of sanctify from the Greek, but we don’t have that word in english.
Sandwichable – things you can put in a sandwich, or a nice girl in a tight place
Introverting – avoiding people
Libtardedness
Conservatardedness
Ineptocracy – Biden administration
Fuckedupness
Propagandish – sort of propaganda
Pussify – make less manly or more cowardly
Impartation – to take part of
Hero’d – being a hero at something, I’m super hero’d out I’ve seen it so many times
Jonesy – jonesing about something, I feel jonesy
Dumbassery – doing dumb things
Unintimidating – not intimidating
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How Old I Am, I Was 9 For 10 On These Jingles
But, I remembered I am stuck on Band-Aids because…..
However, I forgot why I was in a room twice yesterday.
Short shorts was a Godsend for a young hormonal man. Of course, childishness set in on sometimes you feel like a nut, which should have been next to number 8
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Introvert Humor, How Far Will You Go To Avoid People?
Of course there is the golf joke about the guy who played a round with his buddies shouting and laughing. After the round as they headed to the parking lot, he told them at the end to not talk to him. When asked why, he said he’s told his wife he’s been deaf for 5 years and he didn’t want to spoil it.
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Hi IQ Humor – Toyota Style
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Me, Being Childish In The Store
I absolutely would do this. I’m just pissed I haven’t thought of it before.
The cashier could be male or female (still the only genders science can prove) and they will judge you by the size you pick. Think about that.
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When Artificial Intelligence Can Be Beat (And How To Do It)
I expect a lot of clicks from China on this, they always do when I write about either them or technology.
I found this out playing Duo Lingo, where you learn a new language. They use marketing tools to keep you interested and try for more points such as doubling your score if you finished a lesson before 12.
The AI program does one of two things. Foremost, it gets you involved and competing at a higher level trying harder and spending more time on the app. For learning it is a good thing. For an App company selling advertising, the more time on their site, the more ads they sell.
The second thing it does is discard those who give up killing themselves when they are put into groups with more aggressive players. The lower performing scorers are segregated into a less-competitive group. This group isn’t worth trying to squeeze more money or time out of because they are casual App users.
One of the marketing techniques is a tournament where only a few advance, the aggressive players whom the AI has developed. I’ve ignored it twice because it becomes a 3 week time suck. For me, spending time only on one thing burns me out and I lose interest. I only want to play on my terms, something they didn’t calculate.
THE KOBAYASHI MARU
I love to win and do a lot, like last week. I wanted to beat not only the other players in my division, but the AI behind the game. This is the fault of much of AI. It has to assume human behavior, but goes on perceived behavior. Humans can be random thinkers or those outside of the AI logic.
Any reader of my blog knows I look for patterns to make my life easier and better. Sometimes it is is just for the satisfaction of figuring it out. It was like learning the jab was poison and avoiding it while the sheep lined up to get their daily ration.
It’s almost like living in the Matrix and avoiding the Mr. Smiths of the world.
I was at IBM during Watson and knew the tech companies were seeing this as a potential holy grail. I couldn’t out develop the great minds that write AI, but beating them at their game was equally gratifying. I observed what they were doing and always considered the weaknesses.
Why did I want to do this? I know the Snidely Whiplashes of the world want to take over and control others, like Big Tech and the WEF. Knowing that they are beatable at their own game is valuable. It is like taking the red pill and being in the matrix.
MY STRATEGY
I found that in between the two groups above is where the programmers weakness lies. Those that don’t seem to try or or try outside of the AI rules. It’s AI learns at a machine rate, but not at a human rate.
It’s like when Watson learned to hunt for Double Jeopardy clues and was faster to the buzzer than humans, but AI can be out thought or out maneuvered.
I decided to hold back my scoring for a few weeks to fool the AI into putting me into a lower scoring crowd. I’ve done many thousands of points and finished in the top group without winning, only to be promoted to a higher scoring group. I wanted to see if I tried to score less, would the AI would “learn” that I’m a low scorer.
As I suspected, the groups I got put in were less and less aggressive. The point totals to keep advancing were less and less.
I knew I was gaining ground on the AI weakness and could be manipulated.
Last week, I kept to my minimal effort while learning (both foreign languages and the AI engine behind the App). I noticed that I have been put in lower performing groups. I did my daily amount I’d allowed myself to have and was slowly advancing up the ladder. I was using the AI engine to put me where I wanted to be, not in it’s calculations.
By Friday, I was in the lead with far less points than I’ve done many times in only a day (it starts on Sunday). I had to rely on human behavior that my group weren’t aggressive players, but that was my AI bet that we would be with each other. I was right. I predicted the AI pattern and beat it.
Beating the AI was far more of a challenge than beating the other players.
CONTINUING TO BEAT MACHINES
I knew I’d won by Saturday and did the minimal on Sunday to score. Why? To keep fooling the AI into believing I am a low scoring player. My goal was to win at the lowest level to keep getting promoted into groups that I could predict, and to keep proving that AI is beatable and malleable.
I’ll find out this week if that is fully true as I’m in a tournament for winners now (another marketing ploy) and I will try to finish last and keep advancing. I normally like to crush the competition, but winning by thinking is far more satisfying than winning by brute force. It’s as if you are running the game and the other players.
THE TURING TEST
Of course this is famous, can a machine behave like a human (roughly translated by me). Of course Duo Lingo isn’t as complex as war or landing on Mars, but there are hundreds of millions of humans. That is what they want AI to control, humans (like their free speech on social media).
I wanted to beat a machine, AI and find the holes that are in AI. It is programmed by humans still and can always be beat. They are not sentient. Find the pattern.
OTHER AI CHALLENGES
I play Wordle like a lot of others. I’m not busy trying to win right now, I’m trying to trick their AI into a pattern that I can out think their word selection.
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The Most Dangerous Toys Of All Time
I had a lot of these growing up and made them more dangerous if possible. Instructions? If I read them, it didn’t mean I followed them.
Where were our parents? They bought us these killers and told us to go outside and play. I never had supervision other than don’t hurt the other kids, which was the point of all our games anyway.
I never had a Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab with real radiation.
In 1951, A.C. Gilbert introduced his U-238 Atomic Energy Lab, a radioactive learning set we can only assume was fun for the whole math club. Gilbert, who Americanmemorabilia claims was “often compared to Walt Disney for his creative genius,” had a dream that nuclear power could capture the imaginations of children everywhere. For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity.
Here are the rest of the 10. If you don’t have the time, lawn darts IS on the list and I threw them at other kids and had them thrown at me.
Now, the Karen’s of the world have ruined the fun, or tried to make it woke.
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Childhood Games – Car Pool, With The Car Doors
After reaching both puberty and achieving my drivers license, we drove around and made up games. It was sort of like video games in real life.
Everyone has been in a car and someone scores a target based on how many points you get if you open the door by driving and hit them, or just hit them with the car. Before you gasp, this was teenage boys showing off without ever following through. It garnered a good laugh and we always did the same. We drove past the target and counted the score based on who called it first. No lives were lost that I know of.
But here were the rules…..
Old People or disabled – no score as they moved slow and are too easy to hit
Mooning old people – extra points if they grab their heart and gasp (ok, we really did this one)
Young couples or families – a double score, but still low as the kids are like old people, slow and easy
Regular pedestrians – multiple score if you get more than one
All of these are walkers, and aren’t much of a challenge. For higher scores, move on to….
Bikers – A fairly high score as they are a moving target and satisfying if they are holding up traffic. This can only be scored with an open door as hitting with a car wouldn’t be a challenge. The faster the biker, the higher the points. Multiple bikers garners a multiple score, like a 7-10 split.
Motorcycles – A very high score as they are fast. A lower but more satisfying score if you open the door while stopped in traffic and catch one cutting between cars.
Animals -no score as you should lose points if you hurt one. They don’t know you are playing a game.
Practice – revving your car while stopped before someone crosses the sidewalk, then waving them to cross as you keep revving. The smart ones will just say no and not cross.
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Wedding Bouquet Fail, Again, This Time The Man Version
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Lawn Darts And Dodgeball, Life’s Video Games
I loved lawn darts. It’s like eating a tootsie roll pop. You always bite it. With lawn darts, you take maybe 2 throws at the circle and then you are aiming at the other kids. Now, micro aggression’s need safe spaces in case I hurt you with an incorrect pronoun or say a forbidden word. How sad it is that you can become so shallow that words thrown childishly and generally out of context hurt you.
Now for dodgeball. They don’t let kids play it because the unwritten rules are kill the fat kids and girls first as they are the slowest and easiest to hit. It’s why lions kill the slowest in the heard. They are the ones that got a good game banned because they couldn’t win. Note: This game is a good lesson in life, survival, awareness and loyalty.
Loyalty in dodgeball? Yes. When it’s down to a couple of kids, you don’t throw at your friends first. It spilled over into class and life.
Did we aim for the body? If it was available, otherwise a head shot was good for stories 2 days later that everyone enjoyed until Karen’s came along.
If they would stop banning the good games (also red rover), maybe kids would go outside more.
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Ah, Wedding Bouquet Toss Failure Again
My Secret Power, If I Was Still Working
A lot of meetings suck and are just a dick measuring contest. I posted Why Meetings are a wasted of time and how to get out of them a while back.
I wanted to choke the shit out of a lot of people. Just click either work or IBM in the tag cloud to the right.
There are some people that deserve this and I’m the one that would deliver it to them, especially Sandy Carter, but that would be a long line to wait in.
There are some people I’d force choke their balls instead to end their tirades or whatever nonsense they were bringing to the table. They’ agree to my point a lot faster.
I’d use the Jedi mind trick to get people to do stuff also, like give me a raise or stop giving me a hard time.
Like a lot of things, it’s probably better for the world that I’m not a force wielder. There are too many dark side things that need doing to some people.
Since I don’t have the force, I have to settle for my usual super power.
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Introvert Golfing
The snow is finally gone (it did snow last week) and the local course opened, so I made my way out to the course. I had no one to make up a four or even a twosome, so I picked at time and figured I’d get stuck with someone.
Well, the tourists aren’t hear yet. The snow has melted and the skiers are gone. It turns out that it was supposed to rain that day so when I got to the course, the parking lot was empty. I knew my luck couldn’t hold so I went to the range and hit a bucket to warm up and then went to putt on the practice green. It is next to the first tee, so I knew that I could keep an eye on the traffic to get out with as few people in my group as possible.
As it turns out, no one showed up. Even the starter wasn’t there. I took the opportunity to jump on the tee and try for a solo round. Life was on my side and there weren’t golfers for many holes either side of me.
I played 18 hassle free and small talk free golf. I would have paid extra money for this freebie in life.
I’ll be out again this week and I’ll get paired up with someone the rest of the year, but it was a good start.
Looks like I’m starting out the year with a double digit handicap. Playing golf is my other handicap.
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Yes, I Would Giggle If I Had To Say That
It’s like when the answer is a dirty word, but not in the context on Jeopardy. You sometimes get to cuss, or say a word like dick, dump or some other childish Beavis and Butthead joke on national TV.
I’d call in to ask if they could page Mike Hunt.
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This Is Me Reading Meme’s
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To All The Gen X/Y/Z’s And Millennials; Why You Won’t Be As Cool As We Were
Girls? Better
Music? Way Better
Movies? More Original, that’s for sure
Cars? When cars were real cars
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The New Improved 2022 Urinal
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High IQ Humor – Grammar Style
Why Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow
If You Feel Like You Are Useless…..
Things That Don’t Lie, Yoga Pants
When I went to Milan, the fashion capital of Italy I was expecting gorgeous clothes on stunning women. What I got was a parade of yoga pants, in this case done worse than in the USA.
No matter where I go now, be it the grocery store, a restaurant, walking anywhere it’s pretty much what you see on girls of all age.
I got news for you. Most of you shouldn’t be wearing them, or shouldn’t be wearing them outside the house. I get that it is the fashion trend and they are comfortable, but a lot of you fill them out way more than they were meant to. This is even true in the gym, where they are acceptable.
Well, it’s a boon to guys who want to check you out, unless you are an exhibitionist. It hides nothing and reveals everything. A lot of you shouldn’t be wearing thongs underneath them either. Those are supposed to be sexy and there are few over their mid twenties that make them look that way.
Don’t come back with guys with beer bellies and butt cracks because I’ll get to that in another post.
For now, here’s why:
If you really want to laugh, play this song because it describes almost every name there is for this part of the anatomy. It’s freakin’ hilarious.
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Posting Stupid Stuff On Facebook
Same thing for Alcohol. When I see a girl post herself holding a drink, like all guys learned when they are growing up, it’s a leg spreader.
If I guy is posting at drink, I think here, hold my beer because something stupid is happening soon.
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Pencil Trick For Girls, Towel (Doughnut) Hanger For Guys
Hanging a towel on your junk is a joke that Jeff Foxworthy made about the side effects of Viagra. I learned about the pencil trick from off color office banter at some point in my working career.
They aren’t fooling me about what they are hanging doughnuts on. It’s below the belt humor.
People do this when they get bored. It is sophomoric, but funny to me as I have a 12 year old’s sense of humor.
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How Hormones Morph Into Road Rage
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Euphemisms For Farting
I posted Euphemisms for stupid a while back and it’s still pretty high on the search list. I was in the shower, where I do some of my best thinking and gathered some of these off the web. I have also posted on how much farts weigh.
No matter who you are, you fart. Most people think it’s funny. Old people don’t care and just let it go whenever. Guys have farting contests and remember the loudest, longest and smelliest ones. Girls say it’s gross in from of others, but let it rip when they are alone.
Everybody thinks it’s funny if someone famous gets caught.
It’s still a Covid test. If you can smell it, you don’t have Covid.
Enjoy
Air bagel
Air biscuit
Airbrush the boxers
Air tulip
Anal acoustics
Anal ‘ahem’
Anal audio
Anal exhale
Anal salute
Anal volcano
Anus applause
Answering the call of the wild burrito
back blast
Back draft
Back-end blowout
Backdoor breeze
Backdoor sneeze
Backfire
Bake an air biscuit
Baking brownies
Bark
Barking spider
Barn burner
Bean blower
Beef
Beefer
Beep your horn
Belch from behind
Belching clown
Benchwarmer
Better open a window
Blast
Blast the chair
Blat
Blow mud
Blow the big brown horn
Blue dart
Blurp
Blurt
Bomber
Boom-boom
Booty bomb
Booty cough
Bottom blast
Bottom burp
Booty belch
Break the sound barrier
Break wind
Breath of fresh air
Brown cloud
Brown dart
Brown haze
Brown horn brass band
Brown thunder
Bubbler
Bull snort
BUMsen burner
Bun shaker
Bung blast
Burning rubber
Burner
Burp out the wrong end
Bust ass
Buster
Butt bazooka
Butt bleat
Butt bongos
Butt burp
Butt cheek screech
Butt dumpling
Butt percussion
Butt sneeze
Butt trauma
Butt trumpet
Butt tuba
Butt wind
Butt yodeling
Buttock bassoon
Chair air
Cheek flapper
Cheek squeak
Cheeser
Cheesin’
Colon bowlin’
Colonic Calliope
Crack a rat
Crack concert
Crack one off
Crack splitters
Crap call
Crop dusting
Crowd killer
Cut a stinker
Cut one
Cut the cheese
Death breath
Deflating
Doing the one cheek sneak
Doing the two cheek sneak
Drifter
Drop a bomb
Droppin’ stink bombs
Duck call
Eggy
Emptying the tank
Exhume the dinner corpse
Exploding bottom
Exterminator
False pooper
Fanny beep
Fanny frog
Fart (of course)
Fecal fume
Fire a Stink torpedo
Fire in the hole
Firing the retro rocket
Fizzler
Flame thrower
Flamer
Flapper
Flatulate
Flatulence
Flatus
Flipper
Float an air biscuit
Floater
Floof
Fluffer
Fluffy
Fogger
Fog horn
Fog slicer
Fowl howl
Fragrant foof
Free jacuzzi
Freep
Free speech
Frump
Fumigating
Funky roller
Gas
Gas attack
Gas blaster
Gas master
Get out and walk Donald
Ghost turd
Gluteal maximus gas a mess
Gluteal tuba
Great brown cloud
Grundle rumble
Grunt
Gurgler
Heinie hiccup
Heinous Anus
Hisser
Hole flapper
Honk
Honker
Horton hears a poo
Hot wind
Hottie
Human hydrogen bomb
HUMrrhoids
Ignition
Insane in the methane
Inverted burb
Jet power
Jet propulsion
Jockey burner
Just calling your name
Just keeping warm
Kaboomer
Killing the canary
Lay an egg
Lean mean bean machine
Let each bean be heard
Let one fly
Let one go
Let one rip
Let the beans out
Lethal cloud
Let Polly out of jail
Make a stink
Mating call
Methane bomb
Methane dart
Methane mating call
Methane pain
Mexican (food) jet propulsion
Moon gas
Mouse on a motorcycle
Mud duck
Nasty cough
Nose death
Odor bubble
Odorama
One-gun salute
One-man band
One-man brass band
One-man salute
Orchestra practice
O-ring oboe
Painting the elevator
Paint peeler
Paint stainer
Panty burp
Parp
Parper
Party in your pants
Pass gas
Pass wind
Peter
Pewie
Pip
Playing the tuba
Playing the trouser tuba
Poof
Poof-poof
Poop gas
Poop gopher
Poot
Pootsa
Pop
Pop a fluffy
Pop tart
Power puff
Puffer
Puff the Magic Dragon
Putt-putt
Quack
Quaker
Raspberry
Rattler
Rebuilding the ozone layer
Rectal honk
Rectal shout
Rectal tremor
Rectal turbulence
Release a squeaker
Release the hounds
Rip one
Ripped the cheese
Ripper
Ripple
Roar from the rear
Roast the jockeys
Room clearer
Rump ripper
Rump roar
Saluting my shorts
Scud missle
Shoot the cannon
Silent and scentless
Silent but deadly
Silly cyanide
Singe the pants/chair/etc
Skunk bait
Slider
Sphincter siren
Sphincter song
Sphincter whistle
Spitter
Split the seam
Squeaker
Squeak one out
Stale wind
Steam-press your pants
Steamer
Step on a duck
Step on a frog
Stink bomb
Stink burger
Stink it up
Stinker
Stinky
Stinkmeaner
Tail wind
Taint tickle
Thunder from down under
Thurp
Toilet tune
Toot
Toot your own horn
Tootsie
Trouser cough
Trouser trumpet
Trunk bunk
Turd tremors
Turtle burp
Tushy tickler
Uncorked one
Uncorking
Under burp
Under thunder
Venting
Vent one
Wallop
Whiff
Whoopee
Whopper
Zinger
These came from Farthub
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A Twist To Sir Galahad And The Excalibur Sword
Learning Foreign Languages And Competition
I’ve done Duo Lingo for over 1000 days in a row. It’s good for “older” people to challenge your mind, plus I get to speak and understand other than English. I get to poke the European’s in the eye a bit who claim that American’s only speak English (my wife’s family). Let’s not forget that we are a country of immigrants.
I also have a hard time not wanting to win everything I enter. I consider it a failure not to give it your 100%.
I’ve worked my way up to the diamond league and every week you compete against 29 other people. I’ve won 3 times, including last week.
I have a real hard time not competing. As Vince Lombardi once said, “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”
My screen name is Italian for my real name. I studied Italian, German, Latin, French, Spanish and Klingon last week.
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Wedding Bouquet VS Garter Belt Rules
courtesy of wirecutter.
I caught one once because the bride was hot. I got asked 3 times to be married and still held out for a decade until I was ready.
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The New Paging Mike Hunt
At one job, one of the tech support guys spoofed the receptionist and she paged Mike Hunt across the entire warehouse. It was funny. All the guys got it, but only some of the girls.
It was childish, but it broke up the day. It also was very funny to me.
#LGB #FJB
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Why Men Don’t Make Good Women – Sarcasm Style
If we had boobs, we’d spend all the time playing with them. If we were together, we’d use them as squirt guns and shoot milk at each other.
I read that only a heart attack or passing a kidney stone is as painful as giving birth. That means there would be only one generation and the population would end because we wouldn’t do it.
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My Age, In Pictures
We played war in the streets, along with baseball, football and I drove those cars thousands of miles in the sandbox. We actually learned things rather than looking it up on a phone. Common sense was far more available to us than it is to the snowflakes.
The cars today are driving computers, but you can’t work on them yourself, you need to plug it in to tell you what is wrong. I miss the smooth sound of a V-12, or the deep throated sound of a V-8 in a pony car.
I’ll leave the girls alone other than it was a more genuine look, but our music was way better that what you hear today.
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More Fall Pictures, Leaves Are Turning Colors
This is last week near the Blue Ridge Mountains.
This is yesterday, same golf course and same direction, but one hole apart. Notice the color change….I was +8 for the day BTW.
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Covid Sarcasm – I Went To A Super Spreader Event Last Night
I was at the App State v Coastal Carolina game, probably the game of the week. There were over 31,000 super spreaders that Fauci warned us about.
I’ll report back if there is an outbreak here, but I doubt it. There have been games everywhere since August with little to no outbreaks or breakthroughs.
I guarantee you that there were both vaxxed and un-vaxxed at the game last night. Both have an equal chance at getting it like every other game we were told not to go to.
The game was won on the last play and the 14th ranked team went down in flames. The crowd spilled onto the field, certainly spreading Covid everywhere. Ha!
A good time was had by all, except Fauci, the CDC, NIH, WHO, Congress and Washington DC.
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All Winning Streaks Come To An End, Matt Amodio Finally Loses On Jeopardy
After setting the second longest winning streak at 38 games with winnings of over $1.5 million, it happened last night.
Matt Amodio finally lost. You could feel it happening as he kept missing. In a way, it was almost like he wanted to end it because he wasn’t ringing in and was wrong when he did.
He was a great champion and was good for the ratings and the game.
I’ve seen all the champions win and lose. It is usually the same, a perfect storm where they answer wrong, the categories are not in their strengths and another contestant gets hot. That happened last night.
He also missed final Jeopardy after being nearly perfect for weeks.
He will be back in the Tournament of Champions. I look forward to it as he was also likeable, which sometimes they are not.
I’m sure he helped the ratings as everyone follows a streak, whether you want the person to win or lose. I pulled for him because he had a huge range of knowledge and bet big. He employed the James Holzhauer strategy of playing, something that takes big balls to do.
The people that de-throne the champions usually only last a couple of games.
I watched before Ken Jennings had the 74 game winning streak 17 years ago and I’ll watch tonight. The reason is the same, I want to get more right than the contestants.
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Yes, This Is Something I Would Do, And Laugh My Ass Off
I am not that different than I used to be, but I went ahead and did dumb stuff when I was younger. Fortunately, there wasn’t an Internet to record it.
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Some Good News – Matt Amodio Ties James Holzhauer for 2nd Most Wins of All Time on Jeopardy
Almost everyone watches or has watched Jeopardy. I have for decades. It is the greatest game show ever. It is also one of the few that the Celebtards haven’t ruined yet because it doesn’t have anything to do with SJW and PC crap. I challenges your mind and memory. I love anything intellectually stimulating.
People play against the contestants from their living rooms. It happens without trying. You want to know how smart you are. There are a lot of strategies and when you think you know them, someone comes up with a new one, like James Holzhauer. I regularly beat the players, but I’m also good on the practice range in golf.
Every once in a while, someone goes on a run. Ken Jennings did 74 games in a row in the 2000’s. A couple of years ago, Holzhauer ran off 32 games and the top money scores of all times except for Jennings. He was about to overtake Ken in less than half the games due to his aggressive betting and incredible knowledge. He was a breath of fresh air. He turned the game upside down by going for the big money clues first, hunting for the Double Jeopardy clues and a willingness to risk a lot.
Last night, Matt Amodio, Ph.D student from Connecticut tied Holzhauer at 32 games in a row and is over a million dollars in winnings, the 3rd most (not counting tournaments of champions, Brad Rutter holds that record).
Tonight, October 1st, Matt could go into 2nd all time for games won. Nothing against James, but I want to see him keep winning.
Everyone loves a streak. In the movie Bull Durham, Kevin Costner told meat “a player on a streak has to respect the streak”. It becomes almost superstitious in baseball and I wonder how it will go for Matt.
It makes for great entertainment. It is the main reason we turn to sports or shows. Back to celebtards and sportstards, they ruin things like the NFL, NBA, WNBA, MBA and most movies and shows with PC crap.
The Jeopardy streak is about intellect, strategy and a little luck.
What is great about Matt is that he is a nice guy. He is respectful to the players past and present and keeps winning. He never says stupid things like “let’s make it a true daily double”. Instead, he bets everything in the Jeopardy round by saying his earnings. His knowledge and intellect is impressive.
He also says What’s (the question) instead of who when it is a person. I like that he has his own style. He has a great poker face on Final Jeopardy and you never know if he’s answered it correctly until it’s revealed. He currently is over 92% right on Final Jeopardy.
The reason I never could be on is that I am only about 30% on Final Jeopardy.
His betting has become aggressive like Holzhauer. I love big bets. It makes the game far more exciting. It separates champions from players or one or two day wonders.
The only regret I have is that Alex Trebeck isn’t there to share it. He made the game what it is.
Trebeck noted the different things about players and that champions are far more willing to bet big.
Sooner or later the streak will be over. It has been a great run. It usually happens when the champion misses a big bet and someone else gets lucky. That victor rarely lasts more than a couple of days. That is the luck part of the show. It’s usually bad luck that ends a streak.
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My Childhood Was Awesome, Part 2
I played endless paper football between and before class in middle school. We had benches and tables that were perfect.
I could kick the way the picture is above and from one of the sides (where the fold is)
I could make a paper football today, after not making one for decades because I’ve made so many.
It was real life video games for us back then.
I also pitched quarters, but I hated losing money, why gambling was never one of my vices.
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Apparently, The Era Of Fake Boobs Is Over
I see this as a good thing. Store bought boobs never really looked that great. You can always tell, clothed or not. They even feel wrong.
Here’s the deal. Everyone, especially straight guys will look at any boobs. If there is about to be a fight and some girl takes off her top, the fight stops.
In reality, girls tell me they dress up for other girls. Guys don’t care that much. There is a joke that we’d be happier if you showed up naked with a 6 pack. We’re just happy to have some boobs around.
I’ve talked to girls about them and even they like boobs. They may judge each other and must have some reason like insecurity or to show off to get augmented, but that is a personal decision.
I am happy for those who get re-construction after a mastectomy, but that is not what store bought fake boobs when you have perfectly good ones is about.
Finally, here are songs that tells you we like them no matter what shape, size or age they are.
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Another ACME Wile E. Coyote Trap For Humans
I need one of these for the people trying to sell me stuff or for pretty much anyone who doesn’t text and let me know they are coming first.
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Regarding Monday Mornings
I swear I wrote this in my journal this morning. I was grateful that I got rid of that ball and chain a long time ago. I busted ass for a long time to be in this position and it is worth it, I Gar-un-tee it!
Sure I’m older now and don’t have as many years left, but Sunday night doesn’t suck as much knowing that if it’s a bad one, I don’t have to hate the next 24 hours.
When I watched the NFL before it went woke, I used to go to Monday Night Football and get home late and not sober. How I made it to work the next day and was able to get through it is beyond me now. I guess I was young and it didn’t affect me like it does now, even though I gave up all my bad habits.
Just not being able to sleep, which happens a lot now can ruin the next day.
I think I’m better off older.
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I Guess I had An Awesome Childhood – For Those Who Get It
I absolutely did this a hundred times, then pelted everyone with them. It was when we played outside instead of in front of a screen.
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Sounding – A Terrible New Internet Trend (sticking things in your dick)
First they ate a spoon of cinnamon. Then, they were snorting rubbers (It’s on YouTube, I didn’t want to have to see it again).
Now there is sounding. It’s sticking something in your dick to see how far you can do it.
A U.K. teen had to undergo emergency surgery after a bananas attempt to measure his manhood resulted in him getting a USB cable lodged in his urethra.
The phallic fiasco reportedly began after an unnamed 15-year-old boy was “triggered by sexual curiosity” and inserted a USB wire into his urethra, per a wince-worthy study published in the medical journal Urology Case Reports.
The sexperiment backfired when the cable became lodged in the curious teen’s scrotum like an electronic catheter. Despite attempts to extract it himself, the USB cord became tangled so terribly that both ends were left hanging out of his wired willy.
Play with it, use it to pee and the other stuff it was made for, but don’t stick anything in it. It is your best personal friend for men and a play toy for females.
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NFL, Doubling Down On Stupid
They sang 2 songs last Sunday, posing as National Anthems I read (because I didn’t watch). The Star Spangled Banner and Lift up your voice and sing (I think that is the name).
The ratings are down, they are bleeding fans because of Covid and being Woke. Did they not look at the Olympics ratings and why people didn’t watch?
I have always worked with the famous, the rich and the empowered, something I’m not proud of, but it came with the territory of my career. They were always tedious, demanding and self-entitled. I was always glad to be done with them when the job was over. Their entourage’s were even worse, with no real reason other than they thought they were meaningful because of who they worked for.
The rabid fans will stay I suppose, except those with a mind and a conscience. The rest will get fed up and bail.
I have been a season ticket holder to a team that has won multiple Super Bowls and has many players in Canton. I can’t take the kneeling and the other crap that is dividing our country and has nothing to do with sports.
These are the best paid in the country for playing a kids game, yet they feel entitled to tell us what to do and how to think. It’s the same for hollywood and the celebtards. They need to realize that watching sports is for fun and to get away from all the political crap. Instead, they choose to cut their throats even further.
Those with a brain are finding something else to do.
They are being stupid and should just play the game.
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After All The Covid Posts, A Little Levity, X-Ray Style – Extreme Sarcasm
Now, I’m thinking of where I can get some ashes. I’ve done a lot of stuff and this gives me new ammunition
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More Wedding Bouquet Humor – I’m Not Catching That One Either
Crap, I Use Duolingo Too
Childhood Pranks, One That Just Happened and My College Effort (Plus a list of Double Entendre Names You Can Use)
Some kids pranked a school board in Virginia with oldies like Wayne Kerr (Wanker), Don Kideck (donkey dick) and so forth. It’s going around but here it is. This guy had no idea he was being used like toilet paper, classic.
Now my turn.
In one of my auditorium classes (that held 250) students, we had a test and then were having the lecture. Back then it was 35 mm slides. My cousin was taking a photography class and I had her make me a whole roll of nudes.
While people were turning in their tests, I had my friends block the view between the teacher and me. There were slots open starting at the 7th slide. We anxiously waited that slide and he kept teaching because the screen was behind him. It was a shot of Marilyn Monroe from Playboy to start out. He took it well.
This was in the Animal House days. By the time the movie came out, we’d already done everything in the movie except the horse. We weren’t on double secret probation because we never got caught. We also stole the right test and got A’s in the class.
Now, here are the names you can use that weren’t called out in the prank. Some below were used in the prank above.
It’s almost as good as Euphemisms for Stupid, one of my top 2 posts ever. Someone reads that every day from around the world still. Hats off to the Bob and Tom Show (Paging Richard Smoker) and SNL for these. The clips are out there somewhere still.
Seymour Butts
Dick Beater
Richard Smoker (big dick smoker)
Jack N Off
Harry Balls(ack) – 2 for 1 here
Harry Beaver
Peter Stroker
Mr. Baiter
Haywood U Blowme
BJ Hunter
Peter Wanker
Woody Spanker
Sharon Peter
Stu Pedaso
Iwana Wiener
haid d’salaami
hous bin pharteen
Ive bin pharteen
jenna t’alia
jack izdikov (off)
justin detoush
suq madiq
usuqa m’diq
i’lik madiq
liqa madiq
yuliqa m’diq
u’wana m’diq
munchma quchi (coochie)
grabbir boubi
i-sheet m’drurz
shaif herboush
mustaf herod apyur poupr (up your pooper)
awan afuqya
yul strokheet al-wautch
apul madeek-aou
t
And, who can make a list and not include:
Mike Hunt
One of the tech support guys called the receptionist and had her page Mike at least twice over the loudspeaker to an entire warehouse. It was childish, but then so am I and I laughed as loud as everyone.
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Today’s Covid Humor, What I Did At Home
I’ve been content free, so enjoy the laugh and do the usual copy and post on your social media of choice.
The trikini and marriage stuff is funny. Some of the Covid stuff makes too much sense.
Some of it just makes you think.
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Guy Stuff, Why We Aim When We Pee
If it can be aimed at, we give it a go. Piscuits are low hanging fruit. A moving bug is much more challenging. It also guarantee’s a mess, but we take the shot anyway. We also play peeing for distance and other childish games.
I’m sure girls think we are silly, but when a group of them were asked what they’d do if they had a dick, they said aim it when they piss. (guys said they’d feel their boobs if they had them and shoot milk at each other like a squirt gun, still a dick thing).
When there is a stain on the bowl, we won’t clean it if we can knock it off with a stream. Yes, we write whatever we can on the sidewalk and in the snow. The ones that say they don’t are lying, but a few do need their man card revoked. We don’t even have to be taught this trick. It’s instinctive to try it.
Why do we do it? Because we can. Sure, our equipment isn’t as pretty as females, but it is useful and a built in play toy. Why do you think we hold on to it so much?
Best of all, the whole world is our urinal if needed.
I even broke up with a girlfriend who got mad at me when I had to take a leak by the side of the road because she was worried what people would think of her. They wouldn’t ever look at her for laughing at me. I knew she wasn’t a keeper at that point. Every thing was a joke to me and she couldn’t take a joke. The woman I married knew how immature I can be and ignores it most of the time.
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This Is Going To Put a Dent in The Nathan’s July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest
More specifically, researchers found that consuming one 85-gram serving of chicken wings translated to 3.3 minutes of life lost, owing to sodium and harmful trans fatty acids, while a beef hot dog on a bun resulted in some 36 minutes lost “largely due to the detrimental effect of processed meat,” study authors wrote.
Joey Chestnut is about dead. He knocked back 75 dogs this year to win the contest. He looks pretty healthy to me. Badlands Booker on the other hand better prepare his will.
The good news is that a PB&J sandwich adds 33 minutes to your life. I’m going to be about 3000 years old given that I’ve lived on it for 5 or more decades.
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My Take On The Jeopardy Guest Hosts And The Replacements
It is probably the greatest game show created. It’s intellectually challenging. The others are generally tripe that targets those needing mindless entertainment or try to rip off Jeopardy.
I’ve realized that Alex Trebek was one of the best ever at this type of job and was significantly a reason for it’s success.
I recall him not liking Ken Jennings in the first couple of weeks of the 74 game winning streak. They eventually formed a bond, which I first believed was due to the huge ratings increase, but later led to their synergy around making Jeopardy great.
I, like everyone else try to beat the contestants and regularly do, with the exception of Final Jeopardy. Rarely solving this question keeps me from applying as I am about 1 for 15 in getting it right. I regularly beat everyone I play against (except my son, a bastion of knowledge), but fail in pop categories and celebrities. Those are issues I know and care little about. The combination of words, anagrams and Roman numeral addition questions stump me. Ken, Brad and James dominate there.
James Holtzhauer gave us a new way of playing, especially in how to bet. To this day, I love those who bet big. It’s not their money anyway if they don’t stay. You have to play to win and betting low is counterintuitive to winning.
Since Trebek, they have had a string of guest hosts. Some were great because they get what is the formula for success is. Others were fame seekers that had power in the Celebtard world.
THE BEST
The permanent replacements, Mayim Bialik and Mike Richards stood out as the best. They deserve the job. They were smooth, invested in the success of the show and didn’t try to be the reason people watched.
Honorable mention goes to Ken Jennings. He won the GOAT tournament and is forever ensconced in the history of the show. I knew he wouldn’t get the job due to other commitments, but he would have been a good one.
THE SECOND TIER
Bill Whitaker and Sanjay Gupta. Again, they didn’t try to be anything other than the facilitator. They were less polished than the best, but no one believed they were anything but a guest host. They wouldn’t have been good replacements though.
THE MAN WHO WANTED IT MOST, BUT COULDN’T PULL IT OFF
Aaron Rodgers wanted to be the guest host and made it clear. He tried, but is a Hall of Fame quarterback and not a TV personality. He stumbled too much, like Jeff Gordan and Dale Earnhardt Jr. in NASCAR. They were great athletes, but not good commentators. The show would have suffered under him.
AND THE REST, LOSERS, POSERS, CELEBTARDS AND SO FORTH
Dr. Oz has been on TV, but tried to be smarter than the contestants. He was arrogant as usual and not polished, despite being in front of a camera frequently. He cut off contestants and was rude to those who answered incorrectly.
Levar Burton tried too hard. He put on his TV voice and his appearance came off as a job interview rather than a host replacement. He was better than the rest below, but his fake enthusiasm was tough to take at times. He had a woke following that tried to get him hired via social media. The show would have suffered under him because he was hard to listen to in a very short period of time.
Robin Roberts was the wokest. She blatantly played favorites with female and minority contestants. A good host (and person) treats everyone the same, regardless of how they were born like Alex did. There is no justification for bias against anyone so this was inexcusable. She got the gig due to her other TV shows where she can spout her views with impunity. It was hard to watch.
Katie Couric should have been good. She answered “you got it” to every correct answer. I counted over 25 times on one show alone. She was the perky interviewer who failed as a newscaster, but her TV ability should have shown through better than it did. The ratings were poor under her and she is unlikable a lot of the time.
The same can be said for Anderson Cooper, teleprompter reader who is tedious to listen to. His ratings as a newscaster (and guest host) explain why he was so bad. Social media pilloried him. He was boring at best and clearly doesn’t have the intelligence to be a host for show requiring a 3 digit IQ.
THE WORST
Savannah Guthrie at best went through the motions. It was as if she didn’t care. She was disingenuous and dismissive when speaking to the players. She also was a “you got it” over doer. I thought she should have been way better, but didn’t seem to try. I am not a watcher of her regular program, but she was bad at the Olympics also, so I guess she’s consistent. She was the one I almost caused me not to watch the show for a couple of weeks, like Katie.
No one will be the winner because Alex is too hard to follow. He made the show great. It’s like having a famous parent and the kids rarely equal the star.
It’s a great show and has been around because of that. In a way it’s like golf, you can never beat it because you can’t know everything. Just try to beat the people you watch with and the contestants.
On a side note, I worked at IBM when Watson played. I talked to Sam Palmisano, then chairman and he said it was a marketing gimmick. The players never had a chance as the amount of computing horsepower behind the scenes was programmed to win at a certain task. Humans still are better to watch. Watson turned out to be a bust anyway.
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This Is Me If I Were A Doctor
Oh, I’d write a lot of other stuff too. Imagine if an ex came in or a celebtard whining about their $20 million Disney contract? No telling what I’d write, but it would be good.
I know doctors pride themselves on straight lines when operating. They told me.
Just like the anti-matter a few posts below, there are some things I should be banned from doing. This would be close to the top of the list.
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The Upcoming Water Shortage, Ways To Find It
And don’t forget to mention to your foursome that there is a water hazard on the hole. One of them is bound to find it. They’ll do the rest.
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Stuff Only Older Guys Will Recognize
I built a million of these things. It was cars, planes, engines and more cars. I got model glue on everything.
Actually, I’m surprised that my brain isn’t mush from all the glue. This was before people were sniffing it to get high.
Most of the fun is in the building, then you just look at them until you built another.
I learned more about how to build an engine and how things work than today’s mush heads, who are killing monsters or shooting anything that moves.
I now see that I was alone for hours when building these guys. It is a trait that I recognize for life and embrace.
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Jobs Opening For People Who Just Want To Run Away When Working
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Is It Just Me Or Do You Do This To Neighbors and Others?
First of all, I forget everyone’s name it seems, even though I have this handy device.
Next, my names aren’t as nice as the first two. Most of mine fall into the last category, although I treat men and women equally when doing this in my head. Basically, I go the interaction that made the most lasting impression and call them a profane form of the of said impression, then progress from there if they need it.
I mostly forget the people as I don’t want to remember any that come my way if possible. The ones I can’t avoid get some name other than the one they were born with. I’ll remember the nickname if I see them though.
When all else fails, I easily lump them in one category that covers a lot of space, dickhead.
One day I’ll get busted for talking to myself out loud and someone’s going to ask who is the ………..that I’m talking about?
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Why Storm Troopers Can’t Shoot Strait Or Hit Anything – Men’s Edition
If you bother watching them in the movies, the are just target practice for the Rebels. These guys can’t hit a wall in front of them.
You kill one when you shoot a Storm Trooper, yet it’s ever only a wound when they shoot someone. Maybe they had vasectomies?
Anyway, this is me in the morning a lot of days. I think I’ve bulls eyed the bowl and I’ve pissed on who knows what.
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Men Name the Eye shadow Colors
It looks right to me. Men see colors differently anyway. Here is our color chart. As you can see, it’s not close.
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One of the Greatest Meme’s For A Guy
First, you have to know what brrrrttttt is. It is the sound the 30 MM cannon makes from an A-10. If you don’t know the sound or are female and want to know what the big deal is (read, how childish men can be at any age) it is very important to know the sound to actually get the meme.
It will help you understand your man though as this stuff goes through our heads, its only 37 seconds.
For those who know the sound and are a guy, enjoy and I hope you laugh. Get you some.
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Why Betty White Can’t Play Lego’s Anymore….
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Sports Stars Laying Down On The Job
Two nights ago, LeBron laid on the floor after being breathed on too hard to fake a foul. It’s a well known NBA joke about him laying down on the job like this.
While the following is sarcasm, I’ve seen soccer (Futball) players lay down and no one got near either them or the part they were clutching.
I’ve been beaned by fastballs, decked by a football hit, fought against Blackbelts in Karate, Judo and Ju-Jitsu. You get hurt and get up. Win the right way, not by faking or lying.
These guys are better actors than the Hollywood celebtards who aren’t working very hard either. When we were growing up (listen to the old person here talking like an old person), We got back up after being hit and said nothing. These guys are p*****s.
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Sarcasm Saturday, See If You Get It
The key to getting out of these toys that you get in Cracker Jacks or the Movie Theater is to relax. How can you do that when all the blood has rushed to your head?
Delusions of Adequacy 