“I wish I could be the bearer of good tidings and tell you that you have unlimited time to stare at the ball and decide what you’re going to do with it, but that’s not reality. Like all games, the game of life must end—and the clock is ticking as you read this.” — Robert Ringer
This is the first update in a while, but it was well worth it. If I missed one, please comment and I’ll include it.
If one of these offends you, take the complaints elsewhere, I’m the one that got dissed here.
A beer short of a six pack A brick short of a load A couple of eggs shy of a dozen A couple of gallons short of a full tank A few ants short of a picnic A few beers short of a six-pack A few bricks short of a pile A few bricks short of a wall A few cards short of a deck A few clowns short of a circus. A few feathers short of a whole duck A few fries short of a Happy Meal A few peas short of a casserole A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce A few trucks short of a convoy A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner A pepperoni short of a pizza A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on A sandwich short of a picnic A train short of a full service? About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb. About as useful as a chocolate fireguard Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere’s ride; a little light in the belfry An experiment in Artificial Stupidity An intellect rivalled only by garden tools As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle As quick as a tortoise on Prozac As smart as bait As useful as a screen door on a submarine As useful as a wooden frying pan As useful as tits on a bull Body by God, Mind by Mattel. Bright as Alaska in December Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Could screw up a one car funeral Doesn’t have both oars in the water Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in one box Doesn’t have all his dogs on one leash Doesn’t have all the dots on his dice Donated his body to science before he was done using it Dumb as a corn cob. Dumb as a stump. Dumber than a bag of hammers. Dumber than a bag of rocks
Dumber than a lobotomized rock
Elevator don’t quiet make the top floor Fell out of the family tree Forgot to pay his brain bill Goes surfing in Nebraska Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching Gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
This is the one —> Has delusions of adequacy.
Has two brains, one’s lost and the other is out looking for it Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool. He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg. He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart. He played too much without a helmet He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut He’s got a leak in his think-tank He’s got a mind like a steel sieve He’s got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer He’s so dense light bends around him He’s so dumb he couldn’t pour the water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel His belt doesn’t go through all the loops His cheese has slipped off his cracker His porch light ain’t on I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice If brains were chocolate – he wouldn’t have enough to fill an M&M If brains were dynamite – he wouldn’t have enough to blow his nose If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off If brains were gasoline, he couldn’t ride a moped around a fruit loop If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate If he had a brain, he’d be dangerous If he had another brain, it would be lonely If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted
If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change back If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders Isn’t firing on all thrusters Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm
If I wanted to kill myself I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ Kangaroo loose in the top paddock Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine. Mind is in neutral, body is in gear Mind like a rubber bear trap. Needing a few screws tightened Not firing with all spark plugs Not the brightest light in the harbor Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box. Not the sharpest pencil in the box Off his rocker On/off switch is broken in the off position One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl One neuron short of a synapse One taco short of a combination plate One turbine short of an airplane One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests Prime candidate for natural deselection Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse Requires directions to lay sod Room temperature IQ Running about a quart low Running on empty Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them. Sharp as a bowling ball. She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses. She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or lower?” She’s not tied too tight to the pier Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled Strong like bear, smart like tractor. Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes The elevator is stuck between floors. The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming The lights are on, but nobody is home. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window Too many yards between the goal posts Two hub caps short of a Buick. Warning – Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle. Your the flower of my life (you blooming idiot) You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world.
Your mouth is writing checks that your intellect cannot cash
I’ve been reminiscing about when I was young. I’d flit from one thing to the next, never worrying about what was around the next corner. I didn’t plan for tomorrow unless it included fun or something for me to do that wouldn’t affect my retirement.
Now, I can’t take a dump without working out what I’m going to do next and plan my time around it.
My kids are grown now, but I told them to not grow up too fast. They all have mortgages, plus pets and kids that rely on them, like they did on me.
I hurt a lot more now. I’m sore from my first round of golf of the year yesterday, and I didn’t even go at it that hard.
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone,” Blaise Pascal wrote in the 17th century.
I like others and have socialized for many decades, but given the choice I’d rather be alone.
I watch people who don’t know what to do with themselves if they are alone. Now, a lot of people don’t know what to do with themselves without a phone.
Instead of looking at it as withdrawing from others, I view it as learning to enjoy the time alone and discover the real me.
Writing has been invaluable to me. I write here, but my diaries are hundreds of thousands of words that are how I find out who I am and how to cope with the day to day issues. It helps me put my thoughts together before I have to face people because most can out talk me before I can put my thoughts together cogently.
Once you have mastered the ability to be alone, you have freed yourself from the bonds of others to live life on your own terms.
You also don’t give a shit so you say what needs saying. I stopped caring whether people liked me a long time ago. If they don’t, it’s one less person to have to worry about. I can do it while being polite too, so it’s not an asshole thing.
Not caring what people think, another of my super powers.
My Mom said that life is about overcoming obstacles, climbing mountains and clearing hurdles. You are either in a crisis, just finished with one or about to start another.
That’s why I’ve learned that when too many things are going good, then this:
I used to live in bliss and then get blindsided as to how things can go wrong. When I was dating, there were times that I had a different girl for every day of the week and said no to others. Not long after that, it seems that even the professionals wouldn’t take my money.
I’d have 3 job offers waiting for me while I loved the job I was at, or I hated my job and no one would even give me an interview.
Now, when I’m feeling on top of the world, I start to prepare for what might be around the corner.
It sounds pessimistic, but I’ve realized that my Mom was right. Just wait long enough and you’ll have a challenge to overcome.
I’m smart enough to never have listened to a song by her (that I’m aware of). The drugs affected John and her by then and there wasn’t much to listen to. He was better with the Beatles. She was never good.
It doesn’t affect me as much anymore because my age gets me up whenever it feels like it. I (for the most part) don’t have to get up for anything. I agreed with my golfing partner not to get up too early for a tee time next round. Not being rushed is a great thing at this point in life.
I don’t miss early meetings, e-mail road rage or having to get the kids ready for school. That is for young people.
“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
I swear this is true. I’ve found that everyone has a story. Some people call it skeletons, but when you hear about their lives, it weaves together who they really are. Pretty soon, you have to decide if they are worth it.
There are generally patterns to people and they repeat them, almost predictably. The more you find out, the less you want to do with them, except certain activities you can stand to do together.
There are some that overlook a lot of stuff because they wish to be with someone. That’s why people flock to celebtards for example.
I had to deal with a lot of famous people in my life. After spending only a little time with them, I couldn’t wait to get away.
Fortunately, there are a few people who truly who have a list of qualities that are better than their bad ones. I hope you can find a few.
The rest are people who are people. They show themselves to be who they are. You just learn about it over time. You have to decide if you will be putting up with or they need to be eliminated from your life to avoid being poisoned.
Finally, examine yourself. You probably are that person to others. I guess try not to be, but don’t fake it, be yourself. If you don’t belong, don’t. If one of you is not normal and it’s not the other person, it’s you.
“The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.” – Lawrence J. Peter
I know this is not all that witty but bear with me. The reason it is there other than it is true is that in all of my posts, I have one entitled Euphamisms for Stupid, which has been in the top 5 for Google since 2006 worldwide. It is pages and pages of these. Go get one and use it at a meeting today:
Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine. Mind is in neutral, body is in gear Mind like a rubber bear trap. Needing a few screws tightened Not firing with all spark plugs Not the brightest light in the harbor Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box. Not the sharpest pencil in the box Off his rocker On/off switch is broken in the off position One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl One neuron short of a synapse One taco short of a combination plate One turbine short of an airplane One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests Prime candidate for natural deselection Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse Requires directions to lay sod Room temperature IQ Running about a quart low Running on empty Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them. Sharp as a bowling ball. She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.
I wish I had written something of extreme intelligence that changed the course of history, but it looks like laughing at ways to say someone ain’t that bright is what it is for now.
Note: to the SJW, this post as with most of mine is made in jest. Try to have fun and not ruin the day for others.
“The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well.” – Horace Walpole
I just finished a conversation with a successfully retired executive. He told me the secret to retirement is to keep your life uncomplicated. These two are related.
If you do something really well are paid for it, you hit the lottery. If it is one of your 1000 things, you still are ok. If you are hating your job and don’t something you do well you might be a dumbass.
Life is too short to not enjoy what you are doing. Sure, we have to do things we don’t want to, but not all the time.
If you do this, your life will be a lot easier than swimming upstream doing something you don’t like and aren’t good at. There is nothing wrong with tenacity, as long as it is combined with intelligence.
I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm. – Calvin Coolidge
I heard another version that went never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
I liked how Coolidge spoke after he thought. That way, he didn’t have to say that much and got right to the point. Others knew he wasn’t going to waste their time with BS so when he talked, they listened.
Still, most of you, cut the crap and the small talk. It’s a waste of time and is annoying.
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.” – Henry Ford
It’s true, you can really only promise to do something once and get fully believed, unless you do what you promised.
The bane of Introverts is small talk and inevitably, during small talk comes promises or boasting of things one will absolutely do. I’m more surprised when they actually do what is promised than by the cheap words now.
Yes, you are being judged by what you do, and probably fairly. Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. Better yet, keep your mouth shut unless you’ve already delivered on the promise.
The only source of information for most people now is a machine that is designed to partially inform people, misinform people, spread conspiracy theories, and lies faster than facts.”- Tristan Harris
The alternate view by Mark Manson is this:
Social media algorithms do not manipulate and push users into believing awful things. People already believe the awful things and social media simply spreads them more easily. Critics like Harris imply that tech companies are sitting in Silicon Valley scheming for ways to extract more ad dollars from people’s anxiety and misinformation.
Either way, it points out that there isn’t that much good to it the way it exists. At best it is a time waster for most. At worst it is the above.
I say think for yourself and stop believing the group think on Twitter, Fakebook, Instagram and the other time suck platforms.
They could be a a useful tool for sharing pertinent information, but it just isn’t that way. There is so much out there that spending more than 5 minuted a day on this probably isn’t helping your life.
“In truth, the degree of anyone’s success depends on how often they can say the word yes and hear the word no.” – Chuck Palanuik
Some people stop at no. Not me. If you want to succeed, you have to just look at that as a stepping stone to overcome. Life is about overcoming. That gives us the greatest satisfaction. It’s not likes on social media. It’s when we dig deep, think clearly, seek help and pull ourselves up to victory from the jaws of defeat that gives us the greatest sense of accomplishment.
They’ll say yes sooner or later if you don’t take no for an answer.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain
I wasn’t sure if this should have been a sarcasm post instead of a saying. Why? Everyone, especially sports stars, rioters, news makers and celebrities seem to think that they are owed something. They are like the rest of us, the world owes you nothing.
You are what you make of yourself and the sum of your choices that got you where you are. That means the responsibility for life is yours to either buck up or suffer for not pulling your share. The responsibility is yours and no one else’s. Except for some circumstances that are random or uncommon, ou can take either the credit or blame for where you are in life.
My advice is to do good, stop blaming anyone else and make good choices.
Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can. – Paul Tournier
Rocket Scientist Ozan Varol wrote this about winning:
1. You think you can’t do something.
2. You’re forced to do it (or you’re brave enough to try).
3. You find out that you actually can.
Winning is a habit. Seals and champions know how to win by practice and banning any thoughts of giving up. A lot of winning (or just succeeding, which is a win for some) is beating your mind. When you give yourself positive thoughts and remember how you’ve achieved success in the past you’ve accomplished a lot of the battle.
Life is a fight sometimes. It is always a fight for some. Winners don’t win by accident. They learn how to win, but they thought they were going to win.
In an interview about being in the zone, Hall of Fame players were asked about being in the zone. Most said it happened once in a while but couldn’t predict it. Dan Marino said he was in the zone for 17 years because he thought he could win.
Don’t give up. Take the challenge bit by bit and be a winner.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – Harry S. Truman
Big words seldom accompany good deeds. – Charlotte Whitton
I put two quotes today because they represent the BS that comes from most politicians, from either party.
In reality, most of them are lawyers so they are smart enough to pass both law school and the Bar. That means they know they are full of it and know that they are saying exactly nothing most of the time.
As with most things, actions speak louder than words. Some politicians just talk. A few of them actually make and keep promises. That should help you judge who to support, regardless of your position on right or left, D or R.
As always, use your mind and make good decisions. Don’t listen to others or the MSM/News/Social Media to tell you what to believe or how to act.
“No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.” – Thomas Mann
Once you take your guard down and truly admit who you are, you get to see the person that is you. It’s doubtful that you’ll ever show this person to others except on a deathbed, but once you see yourself as you view and judge others.
We think we are invincible and nearly immortal when we are young, but the scars of life take it’s toll as do the decisions we make or avoid and we aren’t who we think we are.
As we age, inside we still see ourselves as the younger version until things start breaking down, but Zoom meetings will show you that age is taking it’s toll. Maybe that is why some hide their looks with makeup.
The winds and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. – Edward Gibbon
I’ve heard a version of this that goes, “The harder I work and prepare, the luckier I am”.
Sure every pig finds an acorn once in a while, but nothing beats being prepared for most outcomes, situations and other events. Yes, the more you do something, the more experience you have to call upon to guide you. The only gotcha is human emotion and interaction. That is never predictable in the outcome.
Fortunately, you can at least anticipate that this is going to happen and how you will react.
There you go. It was 3 sayings in one for today, enjoy.
“Don’t do what you want. Do what you don’t want. Do what you’re trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most.” – Chuck Palahniuk, Author of “Fight Club”
The more difficult the struggle, the greater satisfaction from the accomplishment. That saying is from both my Mother and me.
No one gives a rats ass about a participation trophy. We want to win. To win you have to struggle, train, learn and fight for what you want. Look at what athletes do to attain victory. There is only one winner and second place is first loser.
There is only one CEO, but that person sacrificed along the way in time, travel and lack of attention to their family.
Dedication, training and commitment to any goal is necessary to achieve and succeed.
Overcoming what you are afraid of is and equal victory. The sense of satisfaction we get from beating our demons is as great for some as is winning a competition or succeeding in life. We were made to overcome obstacles in life and learn from that struggle.
Don’t give up or give in. Relish the sweet sense of victory or vanquishing what held you back.
Even if one tree falls down it wouldn’t affect the entire forest. Chen Shui-bian
Yes, the one we know is “If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it does it make a sound?”, but in a way the above one is more correct.
Of course it makes a sound, but unless it is a forest of one, it doesn’t affect the forest. The reason is that life goes on. We are all trees in the forest of life, but we are born, live and then die. Most are forgotten, but that is the way of life. What is it’s meaning and what is your contribution to society, family or….?
Here’s a quick test to see what you’ve done. Write your own obituary. You’ll see what you’ve contributed and what you have done.
Which brings me to my favorite Mensa joke. What is the meaning of life, give 3 examples. Those who understand it will get it.
“In truth, the degree of anyone’s success depends on how often they can say the word yes and hear the word no.” – unknown.
Many are afraid of what others will think if they divert from their principles and don’t give the real answer. It would save both parties a lot of time and angst if you would just be honest.
For Introverts, this is the best conversation. It cuts through the BS small talk about why you can or can’t do something and gives the appropriate answer. You’ll be respected for getting to the point quickly and will feel better about yourself for being honest.
Some, albeit a few might get their feelings hurt, but it will pass once they see you have done the right thing. Many will appreciate that you gave them a straight answer, even if it isn’t dressed up and decorated with flowers and bows before you dance around your answer.
Say it, Yes or No. Then move on to a deeper conversation.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to tell them to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
Nietzsche hated “the Herd”. He was often writing against the ideas and ways of the masses in favor of the free thinker who has risen above them. This statement is a clear example of this worldview.
Who are the herd? They are social media telling you what to think, say, speak and what your values should be. They are the MSM, celebtards and sports stars who want to force their values on you because of an outdated construct that equates fame with power.
Think for yourself and don’t be afraid to say it. Don’t be a dumb ass though and say it when you are surrounded by Antifa or the rioters. There is no reasoning with them right now and even agreeing with them can get you an ass whooping.
Don’t take your views from the media. Almost no entity is more biased at this point. Don’t succumb to pressure from social media. That is just the new high school for the in crowd. Be your own person instead and think for yourself.
Nietzsche is not wrong about the herd. You’ll never respect yourself if you think like the herd just to be one of them. It isn’t worth it.
It is a smart person who avoids trouble, but chooses wisely when and where to take a stand for his values.
For Nietzsche, psychological growth is one of the most important things there is. Experiences do not have to be pleasurable to be good for us. Often it is suffering which gives meaning to our lives. By gaining experiences, good or bad, we grow as people, so long as we survive them, of course.
This quote is usually said as a quip, rather than to understand it’s true meaning. Navy Seals fully understand this and what it takes to not give up even when you want to and it is the easy path to take.
File this under the school of hard knocks, of which I have a Ph.D.
Act as if what you do makes a difference, it does – William James
No matter what you do, someone is watching. Your kids learn by imitating you. Your co-workers watch you to see if you carry your load.
The military in the trenches of warfare want someone next to them they can trust, with their lives. It could come down to that in an instant.
Whether you are spiritual or secular is noticed also. The way they treat you will be your judge of how they perceive your actions.
So, actions speak louder than words. Others notice. Some may not care, but with the internet, nothing you do is ever forgotten. The politicians in this years election are going to have to deal with it. Some have decades of experience, some have a few years. They will all be judged by what they have done and who they have done it for.
Also, don’t be a dick on social media. It will haunt you forever.
Act right, do the right thing because it makes a difference.
“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.” – Joe Ancis
Some say there are skeleton’s in everyone’s closet. The way I say it is that everyone has a story.
When you meet someone, it’s like a job interview. They put on the best version of themselves. It’s kind of like a first date. They show you the best version of themselves and how good they are.
Once you know them, the warts begin to show. We let our guard down and you begin to see the real person.
Unless you go through this process and learn, you play a video in your head of who you think the other person is. It’s rarely right because you don’t know them or what they’ve been through, or what they are capable of doing (to you). That is why they seem normal. My rule is that most are not. Everyone has a story.
It’s why I usually don’t talk much about myself and just try to be the real me. The sooner you show who you really are, the quicker you can weed out the fakes you run into.
“The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.”
A more common version of this is he who hesitates, hesitates.
No one knows the outcome of any decision. We only have a few scientific theorems that are somewhat certain, for now. They could be proven incorrect (Einstein’s Theory of Relativity) if we use scientific methods.
The same can be said for our everyday lives. We usually think we are right, but we don’t know how it will turn out. Many times our decisions help or harm others in ways we never intended them to.
Nevertheless, most of the time, making a decision is better than not making one, or procrastinating. I’m in favor of getting the best intel you can to make a good decision, but in the heat of the battle you have to make one.
This is why some are better leaders than others. They have the right instincts or have been through enough to have history and experience on their side to make a better decision.
There have been good young leaders, it’s just that most don’t have the wisdom of a life lived to not know when to shut up.
We’ll never have perfect clearness because we can’t see the future. If we did, life wouldn’t be worth living.
“The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject.”
Celebrities pretend to be someone else. They are trained liars. Sports stars are the best of the best at playing kids games. Politicians for the most part live to be re-elected and like celebtards, are trained liars (many are lawyers who are masters at not telling the truth). The MSM are the worst. They are news readers that have a bias one way or the other. None of them really know about what they are telling us to do. It is almost always do as I say, not as I do.
Why the hell would we listen to these people’s opinions? For the idiots who trust social media, it’s because they live a false life on social media. Kids (I include millennial’s to teenagers here) haven’t had enough hard knocks in life. Sometimes it is the parents fault for trying to not have them go through what made them learn about life. That’s why everyone got participation trophies and time out.
Older people who buy into what others are saying instead of finding out and deciding for themselves have no excuse. Life causes us to learn whether we want to or not. It’s called making mistakes and learning from it. They just didn’t learn from it.
The net is don’t change your values because you went with the crowd. That didn’t work in high school and it won’t work now. Learn to think for yourself and do what you know is the right thing to do.
Seek out those who know what they are talking about, not those described in paragraph one above