Another long lost post.

Murphy’s mothers laws

• Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don’t..
• A mother’s love is a better cure than chicken soup, but chicken soup is cheaper.
• Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
• Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother. She probably won’t know either, but she will fake it.
• Maternal instinct is stronger than any force known except an IRS collection agent.
• The more you try to stay on your mother’s good side the harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
• The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her kids are rotten.
• If you can’t remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn’t.
• The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
• If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you don’t repeat them.
• Anything you do can be criticized by your mother – even doing nothing.
• Never criticize your mother’s cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
• If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
• You can’t “out mother” your mother. Don’t even try.
• Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
• The harder you try to hide something from your mother, the more she resembles a webcam.
• The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
• All mother’s have a “How To” manual. That’s because they wrote the book.
• Mother’s way is best. If you don’t believe it, ask her.
• Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells you why it isn’t.
• One mother is company, two is a psychic reading, three is a hen party, four is a bridge club.
• If you don’t have time to study the drivers’ manual, drive your mother somewhere and get a quick refresher course.
• When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
• The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer she will “save” it before she uses it.
• No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it against you.
• No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that mother will not offer you more food.
• If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or the directions.
• The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
• Accomplishments are made possible by your mother – failures are your own fault.
• Never forget who rocked you as a baby. That’s something else you will never be able to repay her for.
• Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you’ve already done it.
• The longer it’s been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
• No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger than you are.
• The more you detest an item that belongs to your mother, the more likely it is that she will try to give it to you.
• If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom does it, you should have done it yourself.
• You never are as good as other people’s children. You are never as bad as mom imagines.
• The only thing more accurate than a mother’s advice is her memory of the times you didn’t take it.
• The funnier the joke is, the more likely mom will think it is dirty.
• Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
• If the job of a mother is going smoothly, she thinks she isn’t doing it well.
• There are always two sides to a story – the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
• Mothers always “know.” We don’t know how – they just do.
• Murphy’s mother told him so.

This article was written by Sheila Moss, from Humor Columnist.Com and copied with her permission.
Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss

• a child will never ask Mom to get something until she sits down.
  Corollary – a child will only ask for a glass of milk after you put the milk carton back in the refrigerator.
  Sent by Lexia Gibson
• Call your Mom
  Sent by Nikki Hubbell-VanHoosear
• If your kid grows up to be like you its an insult, not to you, to the kid
  Sent by Mohammed Ram jackson
• You can fool some people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, but you can’t fool Mum
  Sent by Meself
• Small, teething children will chew on the most valuable thing within reach. The same goes for puppies and juvenile tigers, bears, or crocodiles.
  Sent by -?Anonymous!
• If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.