Add a dog and voila, cold feet or one side 10 degrees different than the other.
Fighting Your Blanket At Night
general
High IQ Humor – Chemistry Style
The Picture Writes It’s Own Headline, I Can’t Top It
Me, Looking At Meme’s
Sarcasm 101, Happy Monday
I really mean it…
Working With What You Got
Hump Day, I Mean Really Hump Day
3rd World Engineering, But Check Out The Hammock
Self Help With Your Drinking
I didn’t know this one.
Weird Cake……It’s Butter
I Guess I’m Hung Like A Horse
I feel better knowing that by this equation, I would be the champion horse and as a person, I’m damn near royalty.
Tramp Stamp, Vegetable Style
Peeing In The Men’s Room, The Unwritten Rule We All Know
And, you if by chance you do break the next rule of look ahead and not at the other guy, you only are allowed to look each other in the eyes.
Guys learn this without being taught. No matter what socially/politically correct spew that comes out of their mouths outside the bathroom door, once you enter the rules are the same for everyone, everywhere.
If you are spatially aware (like a Seal or Spook), you go to the stall where you can’t get attacked from behind, but that is skill level 10 for dangerous people.
A Twist To Sir Galahad And The Excalibur Sword
The Weather Is Here, I Wish You Were Beautiful
Winter hit here up in the mountains. I’m lucky that I have 4 wheel drive on both my truck and my dog.
No one is going anywhere. It’s an introverts dream
In case you don’t get the title, it is a Jimmy Buffet song.
Want To Feel Old? Read This History
What sucks for me is all of this is younger than me except The Wizard Of Oz.
If You’re Going To Drive Your Car On A Long Trip, Please Make Sure It’s Going To Make It
I drove over the holidays to see some family. It was only 4 hours, but in the time, I passed a double digit number of cars abandoned on the highway with highway patrol stickers on them.
What did they have in common? They were all either pieces of shit or treated like shit. How these people even attempted to take a trip is beyond me.
I get if that what you have is all you can drive, but at least have the car checked before you leave. It costs way more to have it towed and to have your means of getting to work out of commission.
It’s cheaper and a hell of a lot less hassle to deal with to rent a car for a long trip if yours isn’t going to make it. Hell, Jiffy Lube will tell you if your POS needs something fixed when they try to up sell you from an oil change.
For the rest of us that made it, those cars broken down by the side of the road cause traffic to mess up or slow down unnecessarily.
Moral of the story, don’t ruin your trip, your next week(s) and our trip when it’s easier to take care of your vehicle properly.
Someone’s Been Waiting A Lifetime To Write This Headline
Obviously, my humor is sophomoric. It gives me more to laugh at and about.
Me, On Emoji’s
I don’t use them, on purpose. I think they are a bit childish. I write out stuff. I also don’t LOL, OMG or any other stuff in real life.
There are times that I think people don’t want to talk, so they put something out there that means I’ll let you go or best wishes (read I don’t want to have to say what I really mean, like I don’t want to talk).
Sure, I get them from everyone, but I think if you are over 50, or a guy, you shouldn’t be doing this. It seems like playing with dolls, but then that is just me.
Why You Should Think Twice About Flying First Class
I dated a flight attendant who survived the Dallas Crash where they discovered wind sheer. She made it when only about 30 of 300 survived. She was at the back of the plane. I read that you have a better chance of surviving statistically in the back of a crashing plane.
I’d just rather not crash.
I’m exercising my Covid excuse not to go somewhere right now by just not flying.
Happy Monday
Why I’m Suspicious When Things Go Right Too Often – AKA The Fuckening
My Mom said that life is about overcoming obstacles, climbing mountains and clearing hurdles. You are either in a crisis, just finished with one or about to start another.
That’s why I’ve learned that when too many things are going good, then this:
I used to live in bliss and then get blindsided as to how things can go wrong. When I was dating, there were times that I had a different girl for every day of the week and said no to others. Not long after that, it seems that even the professionals wouldn’t take my money.
I’d have 3 job offers waiting for me while I loved the job I was at, or I hated my job and no one would even give me an interview.
Now, when I’m feeling on top of the world, I start to prepare for what might be around the corner.
It sounds pessimistic, but I’ve realized that my Mom was right. Just wait long enough and you’ll have a challenge to overcome.
Scenes At The Farmers Market
I like getting food from the local suppliers. It’s always fresher and taste better than from the commercial store.
Up where I am is a hippie type college town. I see a lot of people that are different than the usual man on the street. I’m ok with it as the food will be natural, meat will be grass fed and non GMO and the produce picked the day before. I keep to myself as usual.
Of course this week was the Halloween theme. It wasn’t too crazy, but I thought I’d share some pictures rather than my usual sarcasm. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that. Note, this is one of the few times that I’ll share pictures of myself. It’s a big step for an introvert who shy’s away from social media.
Anyway, here it is.
On Turning The Clocks Back Soon
I’m smart enough to never have listened to a song by her (that I’m aware of). The drugs affected John and her by then and there wasn’t much to listen to. He was better with the Beatles. She was never good.
It doesn’t affect me as much anymore because my age gets me up whenever it feels like it. I (for the most part) don’t have to get up for anything. I agreed with my golfing partner not to get up too early for a tee time next round. Not being rushed is a great thing at this point in life.
I don’t miss early meetings, e-mail road rage or having to get the kids ready for school. That is for young people.
Here is a guide on how to set each of your devices for DST. You’ve been warned if you click on it. You’ll get another dose of sarcasm.
South Florida In One Gif
While I’m being sarcastic…..
When I lived there, this was the story almost every week. It was usually an 80+ year old grandmother who didn’t know how it happened. It got to where we weren’t even surprised, rather we’d just say, “well, there goes another one”.
They are the same drivers who get into the fast lane and go 5 MPH below the speed limit and don’t move. My friend called them nesters because they’d nest in the fast lane.
Autumn, Like Life, In Pictures
These were taken one week apart from the same chair. We’ve already seen the 30’s and the leaves are turning. It reminds me that I’m in the Autumn of my life. I hope to enjoy it, but it’s a lot slower and with more aches and pains than it used to be.
Maybe it’s all the hard wear and tear I put on myself through the years. I seem to learn more from mistakes than successes, they are more painful.
Indonesia (Using Ivermectin) Covid Free vs. Singapore (Using the Vaxx) Spiking Cases of Covid
Here is Singapore, almost fully Vaxxed.
Here is Indonesia –
After the government authorized the use of Ivermectin for COVID-19 patients, the number of cases significantly plummeted since July.
The data below proves that Ivermectin played a role on the steep decline of COVID-19 cases despite having a low vaccination rate.
Here is a link to the data and story.
Do the math. Understand what works. Make an intelligent decision on your path. At least ask why they are forcing the Vax on us.
You do you.
Happy Saturday, This Sums Up My Life These Days
And Now You Know Stuff …. Like Who’s the Asshole, Blue Whales, Why 6 feet for Social Distancing and Karen’s
As Elmore Leonard put it, “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
My Childhood Was Awesome, Part 2
I played endless paper football between and before class in middle school. We had benches and tables that were perfect.
I could kick the way the picture is above and from one of the sides (where the fold is)
I could make a paper football today, after not making one for decades because I’ve made so many.
It was real life video games for us back then.
I also pitched quarters, but I hated losing money, why gambling was never one of my vices.
How Men Working Signs Should Actually Read
I always try to count how many are actually working.
I try to thank the sign workers who let the traffic flow when there is only one lane for both sides. They take a beating for holding up traffic, but it isn’t their fault.
When I worked in construction growing up, the lowest guy got the worst jobs. It’s an unwritten rule.
Random Funny Thoughts
I had amnesia once — or twice.
*****
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
*****
I am neither for nor against apathy.
*****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
*****
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
*****
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
*****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
*****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
******
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
*****
One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.
*****
My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.
*****
I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.
*****
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
*****
How can there be self-help groups
*****
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
*****
Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Extended Car Warranties, Everyone Has Received This Call
Why Karma Is Going To Kill Me On This One
When I was young and dumb I was driving in the rain and saw a guy walking along the sidewalk with an umbrella. It looked like the one below.
There was a puddle that I could have driven around, but chose to speed up, going through the puddle and just waxed him. He put his umbrella away and was drenched.
To this day, I am expecting it to happen to me. I avoid puddles knowing that payback is coming. I don’t really believe in karma, but I know it’s coming.
By the way, I’m old and dumb now. I expect it to happen when I get even older and can’t get out of the way. It will be in the most inconvenient time and place possible.
How Do You Get A Flat Tire On a Train?
I didn’t know this was possible.
Happy Friday, No Sarcasm Edition
I hope you are able to ease into the weekend early today and not have a Monday for Friday.
More Annoying Stuff, Seriously, How Do You Go Out In This? Introvert Issues
Vegans Arguing, Is It a Beef?
I know someone who just went vegan and sure enough, I get to hear all about it. I don’t really care what anyone eats other than me so I’ll skip any vegan jokes here. You don’t have to tell everyone you see that you are vegan. We’ll see it soon enough anyway, or smell it.
I drew the line at asparagus for breakfast though. No, just no.
When Is A Fish Not A Fish?
Update On WD40
I wrote about all of the uses of WD40 and it’s ability to catch fish and help with tight nuts. Now, you can wear it and smell like……
How To Fix That Annoying Noise In Your Car
Here’s a classic song that few know. The amount of music theory needed to do just the counting and coming in on time is innovative and rarely duplicated. It’s from Houses of the Holy, a classic album.
Cardi B and her WAP is something that should be before Dr. Seuss in the line of things to be banned.
Who Is The Smartest Teacher In High School?
New DeWalt Combo Air Nailer/Assault Rifle
|
Washington thinks they are going to take away our guns, so check this out……..sales of this new product may skyrocket.
“IN GOD WE TRUST” |
When Doing Your Very Best Isn’t Trying
See a couple of posts below on office speak. I heard one that said under promise and over deliver. That will make you look good once, but if you do the job right every time, you will be far more respected and trusted.
Work Phrases Explained
Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the email.
Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters.
All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
Approved:
Needs revising
Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself.
Channels:
The trails left by interoffice emails.
Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.
Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.
Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.
FYI:
Found yesterday, interested?
In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her.
Let’s Get Together On This:
I’m assuming you’re as confused as I.
Note & Initial:
I’m not taking the fall for this myself.
Policy:
We can hide behind this.
Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I’m lonely.
Top Priority:
It may be stupid but the boss wants it.
We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer or we can’t find anyone willing to be responsible for this.
Will Advise In Due Course:
If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.
Post’s You Can Feel Through The Screen
Ouch.
Wednesday Pain Shot – Worse Than a Shot In the Balls
Friday Saying – How To Build Your Reputation
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.” – Henry Ford
It’s true, you can really only promise to do something once and get fully believed, unless you do what you promised.
The bane of Introverts is small talk and inevitably, during small talk comes promises or boasting of things one will absolutely do. I’m more surprised when they actually do what is promised than by the cheap words now.
Yes, you are being judged by what you do, and probably fairly. Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. Better yet, keep your mouth shut unless you’ve already delivered on the promise.
Great Sayings – John Wayne On Life
Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Yes life is hard, especially if you choose the wrong people, the wrong sources to get your information and put any faith in social media.
The filter you choose to get your information is usually someone trying to persuade you to their position. Think through things and look past what others say to see if it is true, relevant and is in accordance with your principles.
Don’t be stupid
2020 – Things We thought We’d Never See – Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner
A List of Murphy’s Laws
- If anything can go wrong it will at the most inopportune time.
- The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong (or the one to go wrong first).
- The other line always moves faster.
- The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
- In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. (Also known as the “Peter Principle”)
- Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
- After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
- The best golf shots happen when you are alone (and the worst when playing with someone you want to impress).
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
- A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
- The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of one’s actions.
- You will always find something in the last place you look.
- Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Of course you can go to the Murphy’s Law site and see all of this there.
Murphy’s laws
- If anything can go wrong, it will
Corollary: It can
Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds
Corollary: It should
MacGillicuddy’s Corollary: At the most inopportune time
Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson
Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
Extension sent by Dean A. Izett - If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Extreme version:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
Extreme version sent by Neal Miller - If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
- If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire - Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
Corollary sent by Dave M. - Mother nature is a bitch
Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
Addendum sent by Paul Kekanovich - Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure. - The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse. - Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once. - Murphy’s Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value - Murphy’s Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory. - Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
Sent by Tony ’68 - Addition to Murphy’s Laws
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right … something is wrong. - More Laws
- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem. - Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Everything takes longer than you think.
- Everything takes longer than it takes.
Sent by Jon Carpenter - If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
- Every solution breeds new problems.
- The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
- no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy’s law will take effect and screw it up.
Sent by Mitch - You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
- The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Sent by Paul Breen - The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
- More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
- A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
- A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
- A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
- A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
- If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
- A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
- If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
- If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.
- More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page
- The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
Sent by Ralph - You will always find something in the last place you look.
- If your looking for more than one thing, you’ll find the most important one last.
Sent by Alegna - It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
Sent by Peter - After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
Sent by Dizzy - You have to look where you lost it.
Sent by ClaytonPrc@aol.com - No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
- The other line always moves faster.
- In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
- Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
- If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
- If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
- When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
- Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
- In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
- There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
- When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
- Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
- Murphy’s golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
- A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
- In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
- Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
- Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks “who wrote that?”.
Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain. - Where patience fails, force prevails.
Sent by Woody. - Erma Bombeck
“Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com. - Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.
and Relativistic correction of Murphy’s law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
Were sent by Simone Penzavalle. - If you want something bad enough, chances are you won’t get it.
- If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
- When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
- Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
- Remember the “Boomer-rang” effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
- If you re-act to actions, you’ve acted on actions.
- He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,
Thank you. - Any time you put an item in a “safe place”, it will never be seen again.
- Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
- The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
- No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example) - The fish are always biting….yesterday!
- You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
Sent by Sean Murphy - The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
- Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
- The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,
Thank you. - When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason
Or in another version
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
Sent by Steve - Cole’s Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Sent by Michael - Being dead right, won’t make you any less dead.
and
Having the right of way, won’t make you any less dead.
Sent by anonymous - Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.
- Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don’t want to do it.
- Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
- The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
The four last laws were sent by Joe - Crespins law of observation:
the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
Sent by R. Crespin esq. - If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway. - A knowledge of Murphy’s Law is no help in any situation.
- If you apply Murphy’s Law, it will no longer be applicable.
- If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
- no matter where I go, there I am
Sent by John Davenport - Where patience fails, force prevails.
Sent by Woody - Murphy’s Law Current Revision
Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
You just haven’t been notified. - The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” but “That’s funny…”
Said by Isaac Asimov - A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his “Gamble’s Law” which says that “The letter box is always on the other side of the road”
- If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
- If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
Sent by Timothy Boilard - Waxman’s Law:
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Last two laws were sent by Del Ross - Skarstad’s Observation
You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
Sent by Gayle - If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
Sent by Greg - all good things come to those who wait…
but , don’t wait too long or they will pass you by…
like 2 ships that pass in the night…
never again to return that same exact site.
Sent by Jujuakita - If anything was worth doing, it would’ve already been done.
Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
Sent by D-D-D-Dave - You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water
Sent by John - Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
Sent by anonymous - Long’s Law
Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
Sent by Chris Moore - McFalls’ Maxim
No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you’re still screwed.
Sent by Oliver McFalls - Hunter’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:
Things always go from bad to worse. - Hunter’s Observation on Beauty:
Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower. - Hunter’s Observation on Experts:
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor. - Hunter’s Observation on Sugarcoating:
All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced. - Hunter’s Observation on hypocrites:
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite. - Hunter’s Observation on Education and Oz:
“We can give you a diploma, but we can’t give you a brain.”
The last six laws were sent by Hunter - Sgt. Murphy’s Law
Don’t get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
Sent by Bird Waring - The Law of Stupid Tricks
Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
Sent by Zenjive - Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you’ll have.
Sent by Magycke - Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
Sent by Mike - Things are never as good as they are bad.
Sent by Scott Miller - Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.
Sent by Regards Walter citing Terry Pratchett - The Wingwalker’s Rule:
Don’t let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
Sent by D. Kinloch. - A bird in the hand is messy.
Sent by Ted Machler - The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
Sent by Jenny Pitt - When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
Sent by Pieter - If Murphy’s law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic – Steven Wright
Sent by Deke - If Murphy’s Law can go wrong it will.
Sent by Mark - Cheer up, the worst is yet to come…
Sent by Yaron Budowski - If at first you don’t succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
Sent by Damien Hope - Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town….
Sent by Sharon Murphy - If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
Sent by Jeronimo - Warneke Law
You cannot force Murphy’s Law to happen and you can’t use it in reverse.
Sent by Warneke - When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
Sent by mark peacock - Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
Think about it, complete the circle.
Sent by Sam Diggly who’s dad told her this law after she got married. - It takes forever to learn the rules and once you’ve learned them they change again.
Sent by Tracey Goldstein - The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.
Sent by what’d ya say? - You will find an easy way to do it, after you’ve finished doing it.
Sent by Conan Rock - Hofstadter’s Law:
It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Sent by Ben Jones - In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it’s as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.
Sent by Lois Weiner - The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
Sent by G B - Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
- The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
Sent by Keith Hipkins - Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
Sent by Bryan Ortiz - Window polishing:
It’s always on the other side.
Sent by Jakob Sultan - Hall’s Law:
Anyone who isn’t paranoid simply isn’t paying attention.
Sent by Colin - (Another) Hall’s Law
Minor problem isn’t.
Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall - A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
- If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you’ll push it to that distance.
The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones - If it looks good,
And it taste good,
And it feels good,
There has got to be something wrong some where,
So be careful.
Sent by Shirley Cameron - Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
Sent by Robert Dion - The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com - No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
- Behind every little problem there’s a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
The last two laws were sent by Robert K White - When you really need something, its either not available, or can’t be found. When you don’t need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
Sent by Robert Van Sile - Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
Sent by Jeff S - Law of Conservation of Filth:
In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
Sent by Scott Tietjen, AKA, “Great Scott” - The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
Sent by Larry - Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
Sent by G Martin - Gumperson’s Law:
The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
Sent by Ken Kaplan - Uffelman’s Razor:
[Given Murphy’s law, …] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman’s Razor:
Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.- Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to “fake” the Apollo moon landing.
Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the “evidence” of the “faked” landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators. - Example 2: The Warren Report.
Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts.
copyright 1995, 2002. David G. Uffelman
- Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to “fake” the Apollo moon landing.
- Probability law:
Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won’t happen.
Sent by Sylvain Galibert - Common Sense Is Not So Common
- Power Is Taken… Not Given
Sent by John Burke - Two wrongs don’t make a right. It usually takes three or four.
- If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites - When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
Sent by Rivers - Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
Solon, ancient Greece
Sent by Red - key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
Sent by Divya - The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Sent by Ross Henderson
and another version to this law
The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
Sent by Martin and Henrik from Denmark - Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
Sent by Anonymousepad - Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
Sent by GL Roberts - If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
Sent by Bob Holdegraver - If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn’t go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
Sent by John Wilson - Common sense isn’t.
Sent by Joe Facchini - The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
Sent by Mark M Stevens - The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy - Those who don’t take decisions never make mistakes.
Sent by Asier Zabarte - The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can’t last forever.
Sent by Taranis Valerin - Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
- Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
- If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
- The only time you’re right, is when its about being wrong.
- The only times something’s right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel - If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.
Sent by Pat M. - Its never so bad it couldn’t be worse.
Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders - Andrew’s Law
When saying that things can not possibly get any worse – they will
Sent by Andrew Milbourne - Murphy’s Metalaw
Knowing Murphy’s Law will never help. - Occult Principle of Murphism
To know Murphy’s Law is to draw its attention. - Avoidance Law
If for some reason Murphy’s Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big. - Hermetic Murphism
As above, so below. - The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
- Buddha’s Version of Murphy’s Law
Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly. - Fleming’s corollary:
Nothing ever gets better. - Murphologist’s Curse
Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy’s Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax - The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
- Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
- Law of cooperatives
In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba - Mr. Murphy warning:
Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy - Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
If something goes wrong, it’s Mr. Murphy’s fault.
Last two laws were sent by Frank O’Neal - Mrs. Murphy’s Law
If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame
Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com - Lewis’ Axiom
The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
Sent by Robert Lewis - Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
Sent by Nabeel - Another name for Murphy’s law: The law of conservation of misery
Sent by Achten - Carvalheiro’s deduction
If in a particular circumstance Murphy’s law don’t apply, then something must be wrong
Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro - Sharad’s Law
If Murphy’s law is right then it will go wrong
Sent by Sharad Bhandari - A law about websites:
The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
Sent by Shaunna - Laws about this site:
The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.
Sent by Sathish - This site won’t open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are
Sent by Dinni - Remember:
Shit happens - Murphy’s law is intrinsic.
Sent by wolfram - And on the eighth day God said;”O.K. Murphy, you take over!
Sent by Robert A. Silvestri - Larry Niven’s summary of Murphy’s Law:
The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
Sent by Kevin Boland - The road to success is always under construction
By Anton Figg (?) - If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn’t, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
Sent by John Greeno - Bralek’s Rule for Success:
Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you.
Sent by Don Jackson - whatever was supposed to happen, won’t
Sent by TJ Engelking - You can’t expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
- You cant reason with the stupid
The last two laws were sent by Tye Boyce - If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
Sent by Nancy Decker - Clemens’ Law
In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
Clemens’ Law short form
People are stupid.
Sent by Matt Clemens - What goes in must come out.
Unless it’s the other way around.
Sent by Jeff Smith - Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
Sent by Derek Drake - Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
- Berneathys directional dichotomy
West is always East of somewhere - Berneathys formula fact
Instruction manuals are for losers - Berneathys guide theorem
You’re only lost if you admit it - Berneathys gravitational paradox
If gravity is all around us, why can’t you push a fat dog down the stairs?
Last five laws were sent by Mike Berneathy - Wet Law
A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet - Pack Rat’s Law
All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity - Wife’s Law
Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
Reply:
Anything over-done isn’t worth the extra effort
Last three laws were sent by Doug Ebeling - It’s no the drop that kills you…. its the sudden stop
Sent by Martin Rowland - When things are going right, you won’t notice
- The cleverness of Murphy’s Laws is inverse proportion to the number of laws
last two laws were sent by Lucky Number 11 - The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum
Sent by Vikram Aphale - and never forget O’Toole’s Corollary or
Sod’s Law or
McGillicuddy Law
Murphy was an optimist
Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren’t there?
Or in other words:
someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
You get all the credit for the dumb move.
Murphy was an extreme optimist!
Says Charles L. Mays - And we’ll end this page with something optimistic (don’t hit me).
Don’t worry about Murphy’s Law, you know it’s gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
Sent by Ruth Beaty - The humor of Murphy’s Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
If you make it through a Murphy Day…you win!
In Honor of My 600th Post, Here Is My To Do List
WordPress says this is my 600th post, but I know I lost the year 2007 when I switched from Blogger to WordPress because I avoid Google whenever possible. I likely passed it a while back, but they are gone forever now.
I post a lot about IQ, intelligence, Introverts, tech and a lot of subjects that would provide a platform to post something meaningful, deep in meaning , intelligent, well thought out and well written. As they say, the road to hell….
In that spirit, I give you a to do list that is sarcastic, funny to me and given the mood I’m in as I write this and very appropriate especially since my last name is Simonds (see number 8).
Daylight Savings Time Guide To Putting Your Clock Back To Standard Time
One Week of September Is a Palindrome Every Day
And as a bonus, there are many famous Porsche’s listed here for those who are in the know.
Things That Tell The Truth – Dogs Don’t Lie
Hat tip, Kenny
Things To Ponder Like Swims Is the Same Upside Down
Why Dogs Are Happier
What Are The Top 10 Things You Should Be Informed Of In Life
Again, these are not my answers, but are an interesting read on people. It will offend some, but God is number one for me. The rest of the lists below should offend someone or many.
1. Human psychology. It’s a young field, and no one has all the answers yet. But you can get a better understanding of why other people do what they do — and how to thread your way through life’s complexities — by studying at least a little of this field.
2. The basics of accounting. This will greatly reduce your chances of being swindled in life. It also will make it much easier for you to do some systematic planning, while keeping track of how you’re doing vis a vis your plans.
3. Music. It will calm you. It will inspire you. It will build bridges to a more interesting set of friends.
4. Your own family’s story. Where did your parents grow up, and how did that shape who they are? What are the formal or informal communities that help define your identity? (“We are athletes … we are Irish … we are restless spirits who move from city to city.”) Having an enduring sense of identity that goes beyond the ups and downs of your own life will be a source of comfort and motivation all your life.
5. The way your government really works. Find out why some laws are tightly enforced and others aren’t. Learn the best ways of influencing your government — whether it’s on matters of national significance or something as personal as winning a zoning variance for the cafe you run. Finally, gain some non-bitter insights about why society doesn’t always work the way you’d like.
6. Good nutrition and how to incorporate it into your life. Mike Leary is right. In a poor society, this is the difference between life and death. In a rich society, it’s — surprise! — the difference between a long, robust future and chronic illness that can turn deadly far too soon.
7. Different cultural values. If you’re going to be effective outside a small cluster of people like you, you’ll need to understand and appreciate how other tribes work, too.
8. How to communicate your ideas to the wider world. Justin Freeman is right. Learn how to speak clearly and persuasively. Or to write well. Or to create useful and appealing computer code, video, music, etc. Pick the medium that works best for you, and make sure you don’t go through life being mute.
9. Effective parenting. Just because your parents didn’t quite get it right (no one ever does!) doesn’t mean that you can’t do better. Find your own style, stick with what works … but keep refining your approach as you learn from others. You owe it to the species.
10. Quora. It’s one-stop shopping for biased crap! Be aware of what’s on Quora, and you’ll know what not to believe.
Here’s another:
- Realize that nobody cares, and if they do, you shouldn’t care that they care. Got a new car? Nobody cares. You’ll get some gawkers for a couple of weeks—they don’t care. They’re curious. Three weeks in it’ll be just another shiny blob among all the thousands of others crawling down the freeway and sitting in garages and driveways up and down your street. People will care about your car just as much as you care about all of those. Got a new gewgaw? New wardrobe? Went to a swanky restaurant? Exotic vacation? Nobody cares. Don’t base your happiness on people caring, because they won’t. And if they do, they either want your stuff or hate you for it.
- Some rule breakers will break rule number one. Occasionally, people in your life will defy the odds and actually care about you. Still not your stuff, sorry. But if they value you, they’ll value that you value it, and they’ll listen. When you talk about all of those things that nobody else cares about, they will look into your eyes and consume your words, and in that moment you will know that every part of them is there with you.
- Spend your life with rule breakers. Marry them. Befriend them. Work with them. Spend weekends with them. No matter how much power you become possessed of, you’ll never be able to make someone care—so gather close the caring.
- Money is cheap. I mean, there’s a lot of it—about forty thousand billion dollars floating around the world, largely made up of cash whose value is made up and ascribed to it, anyway. Don’t engineer your life around getting a slightly less tiny portion of this pile, and make your spirit of generosity reflect this principle. I knew a man who became driven by the desire to amass six figures in savings, so he worked and scrimped and sacrificed to get there. And he did… right before he died of cancer. I’m sure his wife’s new husband appreciated his diligence.
- Money is expensive. I mean, it’s difficult to get your hands on sometimes—and you never know when someone’s going to pull the floorboards out from under you—so don’t be stupid with it. Avoid debt on depreciating assets, and never incur debt in order to assuage your vanity (see rule number one). Debt has become normative, but don’t blithely accept it as a rite of passage into adulthood—debt represents imbalance and, in some sense, often a resignation of control. Student loan debt isn’t always unavoidable, but it isn’t a given—my wife and I completed a combined ten years of college with zero debt between us. If you can’t avoid it, though, make sure that your degree is an investment rather than a liability—I mourn a bit for all of the people going tens of thousands of dollars in debt in pursuit of vague liberal arts degrees with no idea of what they want out of life. If you’re just dropping tuition dollars for lack of a better idea at the moment, just withdraw and go wander around Europe for a few weeks—I guarantee you’ll spend less and learn more in the process.
- Learn the ancient art of rhetoric. The elements of rhetoric, in all of their forms, are what make the world go around—because they are what prompt the decisions people make. If you develop an understanding of how they work, while everyone else is frightened by flames and booming voices, you will be able to see behind veils of communication and see what levers little men are pulling. Not only will you develop immunity from all manner of commercials, marketing, hucksters and salesmen, to the beautiful speeches of liars and thieves, you’ll also find yourself able to craft your speech in ways that influence people. When you know how to speak in order to change someone’s mind, to instill confidence in someone, to quiet the fears of a child, then you will know this power firsthand. However, bear in mind as you use it that your opponent in any debate is not the other person, but ignorance.
- You are responsible to everyone, but you’re responsible for yourself. I believe we’re responsible to everyone for something, even if it’s something as basic as an affirmation of their humanity. However, it should most often go far beyond that and manifest itself in service to others, to being a voice for the voiceless. If you’re reading this, there are those around you who toil under burdens larger than yours, who stand in need of touch and respect and chances. Conversely, though, you’re responsible for yourself. Nobody else is going to find success for you, and nobody else is going to instill happiness into you from the outside. That’s on you.
- Learn to see reality in terms of systems. When you understand the world around you as a massive web of interconnected, largely interdependent systems, things get much less mystifying—and the less we either ascribe to magic or allow to exist behind a fog, the less susceptible we’ll be to all manner of being taken advantage of. However:
- Account for the threat of black swan events. Sometimes chaos consumes the most meticulous of plans, and if you live life with no margins in a financial, emotional, or any other sense, you will be subject to its whims. Take risks, but backstop them with something—I strongly suspect these people who say having a Plan B is a sign of weak commitment aren’t living hand to mouth. Do what you need to in order to keep your footing.
- You both need and don’t need other people. You need others in a sense that you need to be part of a community—there’s a reason we reflexively pity hermits. Regardless of your theory of anthropogenesis, it’s hard to deny that we are built for community, and that ‘we’ is always more than ‘me.’ However, you don’t need another person in order for your life to have meaning—this idea that Disney has shoved through our eyeballs, that there’s someone out there for all of us if we’ll just believe hard enough and never stop searching, is hokum… because of arithmetic, if nothing else. Establish your own life—then, if there’s a particular person that you can’t help but integrate, believe me, you’ll know.
- Always give more than is required of you.
Go to the link above, there is more.
Add more in comments if you have a better suggestion than these.
Things That Tell The Truth – Humor
Aristotle Comments On How We Should Observe Politics, Social Media and Most Things That People Want To Be Offended From
Paraprosdokians (Figures of Speech)
First time I heard about parasprosdokians, I liked them. Sometimes known as Arasprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
(Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify…” I answered, “a doctor.”
11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
12. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
13. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
14. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
16. I’m supposed to respect my elders but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
17. I’m not arguing with you, I’m explaining why you are wrong.
A Senior’s Version Of Facebook
The Circle Game – Childhood Games That Are Still Fun, Punch You I Will
Even though I like to write about intellectual subjects, this one will have nothing to do with that.
Disclaimer: This game has been around for decades. It is not the somehow now bad OK sign that the evil PC police have condemned. When it was invented, no one cared about the OK sign. FWIW, the circle is upside down in this game. The PC SJW’s are dumbasses because a Reddit joke that trolled people by saying it was some supremacist sign. The woke fell for it immediately because they want to cancel any fun.
If you know or have played the game, you will get this whole post without reading it, but I’m posting for those who do not get it.
I searched this on the Interweb and it stated that this started in the 1980’s. Since I was in middle school way before this I’m calling BS and guessing that those before me have played it for 50 years.
So when I saw these examples, I knew what it was and it took me back to childhood, but I understood it without explanation.
The rules of the game are here:
Basically, you get someone to look at the circle below your waist against their will and you get to punch them.
It’s a game designed to be able to hit your friends and have them be ok with it.
The link provides other instructions like breaking the circle and not brushing it off, but they are just variations on being able to punch your friend.
We took it to all kinds of limits like drawing circles on the floor and other variations, but it’s simple.
I like all of these meme’s, but Darth Vader is my favorite. Readers like the volleyball girl the best if you look at how many times it’s been downloaded off this post.
I think the girl is giving a sign as to the play to make, but if not, it’s a really good Internet punch.
The Walmart guy is funny on many lev
els.
The black hole circle is a Universal punch.
The duck is just funny.
I found a new one that isn’t really meant to be in the circle game, but is.
Social Media, Making Your Life Worse Just By Using It, And it Proves Sturgeon’s Law
I tend to notice trends early. I quit Twitter 4 years ago as soon as work didn’t (unofficially) require it. Almost every time I used it, the conversation degraded by the 3rd or 4th tweet into something political, followed by unsubstantiated name calling. You have to have a thick skin and a terse personality to want to survive out there.
A few years later I tried helping a friend get on Facebook and we both decided that it was like a high school reunion, or being in high school where you make up stuff to seem like your life is better than others. He finally told me to stop and to not put him on. At that point it dawned on me that most of social media falls under Sturgeon’s Law:
Sturgeon’s Law: 90% of everything is crap.
There might be a corollary that 99% of social media is crap.
The trend I noticed besides people acting false was that I never felt better after being on twitter and I loathe Facebook for the same reason. This was 5-8 years ago and now the studies are coming out proving what I noticed.
A recent article in the USA today talked about another high schoolish trend, mob mentality.
Social media also has polluted our more general life, with the ability to form online mobs increasing, as Prof. Glenn Reynolds aka Instapundit recently wrote in USA Today:
People enjoy forming mobs. Mobs allow people to do things they’d be afraid to do on their own, to steal, to hurt and kill, to burn and destroy — and also to feel set free from the bonds of civil society, to experience a kind of atavistic catharsis, a feeling of power and a solidarity with their fellow rioters, in a way that’s otherwise difficult to achieve, especially without suffering serious consequences….
But now there’s a new kind of mob, an online mob. And judging by the events of the past week, this new mob is becoming a more frequent problem. Part of that is because it’s easier (and safer) to be part of an online mob than one in the real world.
Joining a real mob requires you to leave your house, go somewhere else, and experience risks and discomforts. Joining an online mob can be done from an easy chair at home.
There are times that I post something and bizarre comments come it, so much so that I have to moderate them according to the policy on the sidebar. Some just violate the policy too much. It’s like twitter, if it can get political it usually does. Since I’ve posted a lot about the military and patriotism, I caught a lot of crap.
I read a blog post by Legal Insurrection that noted the increase in suicides and the link that may exist between the two.
A New, More Rigorous Study Confirms: The More You Use Facebook, the Worse You Feel
Social Media and Teen Depression: The Two Go Hand-In-Hand
Rise in teen suicide connected to social media popularity: study
Suicide rate’s increase can be tied to social media, technology: Dr. Marc Siegel
Using Many Social Media Platforms Linked With Depression, Anxiety Risk
Why don’t people just put it down? It looks to be like the new next cigarette, just as addictive and equally as bad for you.
As for me, I can go about my day enjoying not getting into useless tweet storms and having my head glued to my phone. Hell, I won’t even put Facebook on because I don’t want them in my life.
I’d like to say the higher IQ people would be immune to this, but it’s not true. They are just as susceptible to this and it goes under things they shouldn’t do.
WHAT FACEBOOK KNOWS AND IT ISN’T TELLING YOU
It preys on Women’s emotions and other mind altering and interfering techniques and the company KNOWS THAT IT IS DOING IT.
Even former Facebook President Sean Parker realizes the pitfalls of Facebook:
The former Facebook President discussed the company’s initial aim, which was mainly centered around drawing in and building their audience:
The thought process that went into building these applications, Facebook being the first of them, … was all about: ‘How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?’ And that means that we need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post or whatever. And that’s going to get you to contribute more content, and that’s going to get you … more likes and comments.
Parker described Facebook’s appeal as a “social-validation feedback loop” which exploits human psychology to keep users coming back to the app:
It’s a social-validation feedback loop … exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you’re exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology. The inventors, creators — it’s me, it’s Mark [Zuckerberg], it’s Kevin Systrom on Instagram, it’s all of these people — understood this consciously. And we did it anyway.
Comments such as this from Facebook former President, combined with Facebook’s mishandling of user data, has led to a greater level of distrust around the company. What was previously seen as just a website by many users was becoming better known as a data collection company.
It turns out that platforms like Facebook are the “Junk Food For the Soul”. In other words crap that isn’t good for you.
THE CESSPOOL OF HATE AND DISCRIMINATION BY TWITTER
Just say something, anything and pretty soon it can turn into a hate storm if you offend someone or anyone. I saw someone post here’s a picture of a rock, let the arguing begin just to prove it and it did.
When I check I often find that a user who has blocked me is someone I have never interacted with. So why the block? Often, it’s due to being on a block list created by a liberal activist group. Twitter supports block lists and makes it easy for users to mass-block entire universes of people they don’t even know.
But Twitter now uses factors such as the number of people who have blocked an account to determine whether to classify it as “low quality” content. The company also uses the number of complaints or reports on the account. If the number of these exceeds certain thresholds, an account can be deemed low quality and access to tweets from that user are severely diminished.
I couldn’t wait to leave that platform of time-wasting and hate and my life is better because of it.
How Men and Women See Colors Differently
Being Rude To Others At Work; Who is Worse, Men or Women?
I love controversial subjects, especially among the sexes. Nothing gets the hackles up quicker than something that offends what you hold close to your heart. I’ve worked with the media for decades and sensationalism is what sells. It’s sex, death, murder, immorality, bankruptcy, divorce and other vices that can be cherry picked to place on the headline. This is not real life, like…..
Ye old workplace.
It is a petri dish of human interaction that has been infected by #MeToo, harassment, incivility, sexism, partiality, affairs and occasionally competent work and results. I’ve already discussed if Men and Women can work together here, and Women now swear more than men, so I found this article and it looked either like a headline maker or a trend. I decided to find out.
Having sat through weeks of diversity training that is beyond boring and is a CYA for the legal department, I’ve been told that you can’t say certain things, act in a ways that could be demeaning or sexually suggestive or anything outside of plain vanilla. I choose to keep to myself and observe. That is why this study caught my eye. The behavior is far outside of my diversity training, yet it goes on unabated.
WHO ARE THE BIGGEST OFFENDERS?
A recent study shows that women are reporting that it is other women who are the most rude and uncivil towards women. It goes like this:
In terms of how it is acted out:
“Across the three studies, we found consistent evidence that women reported higher levels of incivility from other women than their male counterparts,” Gabriel says. “In other words, women are ruder to each other than they are to men, or than men are to women.
“This isn’t to say men were off the hook or they weren’t engaging in these behaviors,” she notes. “But when we compared the average levels of incivility reported, female-instigated incivility was reported more often than male-instigated incivility by women in our three studies.”
THE QUEEN BEE SYNDROME
The article at the link above states:
The phenomenon of women discriminating against other women in the workplace—particularly as they rise in seniority—has long been documented as the “queen bee syndrome.” As women have increased their ranks in the workplace, most will admit to experiencing rude behavior and incivility.
Who is at fault for dishing out these mildly deviant behaviors? Has the syndrome grown more pervasive?
“Studies show women report more incivility experiences overall than men, but we wanted to find out who was targeting women with rude remarks,” says Allison Gabriel, assistant professor of management and organizations in the University of Arizona’s Eller College of Management.
I worked with a female named Sandy. No one was harder to understand or trust as a senior manager than she. My friends would dread working for her and it was a success not to get fired before your term was complete. Everyone tried to get out as fast as they could, or would not seek a promotion just to not work for or with her.
I WANTED TO KNOW SO I ASKED THEM IF IT WAS TRUE, WHAT THEY SAID, PERHAPS NSFW
I like to look at things from the point of view of how would an intellectual view this. Normally, this would entail a scientific study without bias, with control groups and so forth. My observation is that people’s behavior is not scientific when it comes to emotions and I’ve been told by those of the female persuasion that they are more likely to be emotional. I couldn’t argue the point, nor did I care to.
Therefore, I figured that asking some females if this was correct and what they’ve seen at work would be my best estimate as to whether this is true. Please note that some of the comments while stated verbatim are not always complimentary and some are off-color. Commenters: Note, if you get pissed off, these are answers by women to a question I asked about working with females and is the study accurate. If you just want to hate, please go elsewhere as if it’s directed at me, it’s a fart in the wind and that’s how I’ll treat it.
Here are some responses:
Females can be bitchy, catty. other names.
She slept her way to her position.
She got there because of her looks (or tits), not her ability.
She dresses like a whore.
There is one bitch who leans over in front of guys to get her way.
Women are the biggest backstabbers.
Sure there is an occasional guy who bugs me or tries to hit on me, but girls are far worse as a group.
Sure she was nice when she was one of us, but as soon as they gave her a little power, she turned on us like we’d done something to her.
She’s great to work for if you are female. She only promotes women and you can get your way over any guys.
Women here can only manage 2 inches in front of their face. They don’t get the big picture or work towards the company’s goals.
Once you make it clear you aren’t going to sleep with them, the men are much easier to work with or for. The mission and strategy are clear and they can focus on that.
Guys will either just not say anything or will tell you how it is. The girls say something to your face and f__k you over behind your back if you aren’t in their group.
Guys handle success and failure better than the girls I work with. One of them always takes it personally and spends weeks trying to get back at you instead of trying to get work done.
I can never trust what a woman says to me. Guys don’t lie as much or as well as girls do unless they want in your pants.
Women talk too much and I can’t get my work done.
When aunt Flo comes calling honey you better hide from that bitch.
Just get more than one female together in a group and watch the fireworks.
Guys are used to joking, I think they learned it in a locker room or something. They can cuss each other out in a meeting and it’s like a punch in the arm and then go have a beer. A woman will hold something you say to her against you for the rest of your life.
Enough! Most of these I got multiple times, which is why they made the list. I stopped asking because this attitude was overwhelming me.
CONCLUSION
I can only surmise that it is tough for women to work with women. I didn’t give it much thought until I read this study, but it does appear that women are more difficult towards other women at the workplace
Fun Facts Like Betty White IS older than Sliced Bread, A Break from The News, Fake News and Shitholes
With all the crap that is in the news today, I’m taking a break of levity with some interesting facts. Since I got this from someone else, some of it could be disputed, like peas on pizza, but it’s a hell of a lot closer to the truth than you’ll read in the news.
1. A strawberry isn’t a berry but a banana is.
2. Avocados and watermelon are berries, too.
3. Cashews grow on trees like this:
2. Avocados and watermelon are berries, too.
3. Cashews grow on trees like this:
4. And Brussels sprouts grow in long stalks like this:
Flickr / Creative Commons / Katy Stoddard / Via Flickr: 68067047@N00
5. Chocolate milk was invented in Ireland.
6. Ketchup used to be sold as medicine.
7. Carrots were originally purple.
6. Ketchup used to be sold as medicine.
7. Carrots were originally purple.
8. McDonald’s sells 75 hamburgers every second of every day.
9. Yams and sweet potatoes are not the same thing
10. Ripe cranberries will bounce like rubber balls.
11. An average ear of corn has an even number of rows, usually 16.
12. Betty White is actually older than sliced bread.
9. Yams and sweet potatoes are not the same thing
10. Ripe cranberries will bounce like rubber balls.
11. An average ear of corn has an even number of rows, usually 16.
12. Betty White is actually older than sliced bread.
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images for TV Land
13. Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
14. Honey never spoils. You can eat 32,000-year-old honey.
15. Peanuts are not nuts. They grow in the ground like this, so they are legumes.
14. Honey never spoils. You can eat 32,000-year-old honey.
15. Peanuts are not nuts. They grow in the ground like this, so they are legumes.
16. Vending machines are twice as likely to kill you than a shark is.
17. Coconuts kill more people than sharks every year. So do cows.
18. Pound cake got its name from its original recipe, which called for a pound each of butter, eggs, sugar, and flour.
17. Coconuts kill more people than sharks every year. So do cows.
18. Pound cake got its name from its original recipe, which called for a pound each of butter, eggs, sugar, and flour.
19. The probability of you drinking a glass of water that contains a molecule of water that also passed through a dinosaur is almost 100%.
20. Honey is made from nectar and bee vomit.
20. Honey is made from nectar and bee vomit.
21. Pineapples grow like this:
22. Quinoa is the seeds of this plant:
23. Kiwis grow on vines:
Bignai / Getty Images
24. Ginger is the root of a plant:
25. And cinnamon is just the inner part of this tree:
Flickr / Creative Commons / Abby Flat-coat / / Via Flickr: 22912005@N06
26. And artichokes are flowers that are eaten as buds. This is what they look like when flowered:
Flickr / Creative Commons / Wayne Marshall
27. “Spam” is short for spiced ham.
28. Popsicles were invented by an 11-year-old in 1905.
29. Apples, like pears and plums, belong to the rose family.
30. The official state vegetable of Oklahoma is the watermelon.
31. Peas are one the most popular pizza toppings in Brazil:
28. Popsicles were invented by an 11-year-old in 1905.
29. Apples, like pears and plums, belong to the rose family.
30. The official state vegetable of Oklahoma is the watermelon.
31. Peas are one the most popular pizza toppings in Brazil:
32. There are over 7,500 varieties of apples throughout the world, and it would take you 20 years to try them all if you had one each day.
33. The twists in pretzels are made to look like arms crossed in prayer.
34. Canola oil was originally called rapeseed oil, but renamed by the Canadian oil industry in 1978 to avoid negative connotations. “Canola” is short for “Canadian oil.”
35. And no matter what color Froot Loop you eat, they all taste the same.
33. The twists in pretzels are made to look like arms crossed in prayer.
34. Canola oil was originally called rapeseed oil, but renamed by the Canadian oil industry in 1978 to avoid negative connotations. “Canola” is short for “Canadian oil.”
35. And no matter what color Froot Loop you eat, they all taste the same.
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How Meetings Are a Waste Of Time and How To Avoid or Get Out of Them
I read a WSJ article on ineffective meetings. It is about the manifesto to end boring meetings.
This brought back thousands of hours of meetings I wished I could have back or would certainly decline to attend had I realized what I know now. Most of this post is tongue in cheek unlike the WSJ, but I’ll bet everyone wishes they weren’t in so many meetings.
First, let me start out with some quotes I found from The Quote Garden, starting with the one that reminded me most of the meetings I’ve attended:
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. ~Barnett Cocks, attributed
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. ~Milton Berle
To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon. ~Author Unknown
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.” ~Dave Barry, “Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn”
Our age will be known as the age of committees. ~Ernest Benn
If Columbus had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock. ~Arthur Goldberg
A committee is an animal with four back legs. ~John le Carré, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. ~H.L. Mencken
A “Normal” person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, “Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray.” ~Alan Sherman
A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man can do in an hour. ~Elbert Hubbard
A camel looks like a horse that was planned by a committee. ~Author Unknown
A committee is a group of the unwilling chosen form the unfit, to do the unnecessary. ~Author Unknown
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. ~Author Unknown
Could Hamlet have been written by a committee, or the Mona Lisa painted by a club?… Creative ideas do not spring from groups. They spring from individuals. The divine spark leaps from the finger of God to the finger of Adam. ~Alfred Whitney Griswold
We always carry out by committee anything in which any one of us alone would be too reasonable to persist. ~Frank Moore Colby
I don’t believe a committee can write a book. It can, oh, govern a country, perhaps, but I don’t believe it can write a book. ~Arnold Toynbee
There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee. ~Lester J. Pourciau
Any committee that is the slightest use is composed of people who are too busy to want to sit on it for a second longer than they have to. ~Katharine Whitehorn
Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything. ~John Kenneth Galbraith
People who enjoy meetings should not be in charge of anything. ~Thomas Sowell
I WORKED FOR “THE” MEETING COMPANY
I worked a large part of my career either for or with IBM, which many have joked that it stands for I’ve Been in a Meeting. I could have been years more productive and retired earlier if it hadn’t been for all of the meetings I’ve spent time in. Projects would have been completed weeks in advance were it not for meetings.
Usually, the meetings were a way to get other people to do your work for you, or to assign work to others they wouldn’t do or volunteer for were it not for the fact that they were at a meeting. The only time this didn’t work was when I actually needed to get a speaker for a press briefing for an interview with Time Magazine when print media was important. His manager, John Callies then VP of Netfinity or X series at IBM(x86 servers), wouldn’t let the speaker leave the staff meeting stating, “it’s only your job” as the reason. See how manage executive ego’s for more on this. I’d have never imagined having to cancel an interview with what was then an important publication due to an executives’ ego. I’ve seen bad manager moves in my time, but this was top 10 worst of the worst for me. He still ranks as the number one suit I’ve ever worked with. The below meme was how it felt to be in a meeting with him.
Execs have also had meetings in places that they wanted to visit (click on the link to see who it is), and most people knew that. That was a waste of travel time and money for a wasted meeting. There were other reasons they had meetings, but read the quotes at the beginning to find out why said were held.
Avoid training meetings, unless it was a way to be busy during a meeting you want to avoid. This is especially true of diversity training. It is a waste of time (same exact meeting every time every year for the required legal reason) but is more important than almost any other meeting, so it serves 2 purposes. No one will go against diversity training for fear of being politically or legally incorrect. It does allow you to miss another meeting and no one pays attention anyway. It’s an opportunity to get work done while the training is going on in the background. Your attendance is recorded so you are twice as effective as you complete your work, earn your mark for training and ignore the same speech you went through last year all at the same time.
MEETING RULES TO SURVIVE
The best way to deal with a meeting is to avoid it. If you can already have a meeting at a time that the scheduler proposes it or be busy and/or somehow away or out of the office. Teleconferencing kills that strategery unless you can be found traveling, but sometimes it’s unavoidable (see how to get out of a meeting below if you have to go). The people calling the meeting are really only people who want the meeting anyway.
For things to do to avoid meetings or how to goof around during a meeting, go to the link How to goof around at work.
HERE IS MY RULE WHEN TO DECIDE TO ATTEND IF I HAD A CHOICE: if there were more than 4 people, don’t go. Nothing will get done other than resulting in another meeting to have to attend. This is especially true if there are more than 1 executives, as each brings a team of competing players who guarantee the death of productivity.
The WSJ agrees with me, but goes on to say that if it has 17 people, there is no chance anything will get accomplished.
Don’t speak at a meeting if possible. It usually wastes time and extends the meeting length. There are only a couple of people who really have something to contribute, the rest want to hear themselves talk, show off their PowerPoint skills to bore you, or think they are more important if they speak. These show offs can be insufferable, but they offer time to check your email at best while pretending to listen.
This is in the department of redundancy department, but it is so important to note is to be careful when attending because the meeting leader’s purpose is to assign their work to others or get people to do work they wouldn’t do because they can’t decline in public (this is a corporate tradition). This further kills your ability to be productive at your real job. There are some who want to look important by accepting work magnanimously to show off, thinking they were climbing the ladder. Gladly accept their offer as most people have 10 hours of work for an 8 hour day anyway. Only accept it if it produces revenue or if you are the only one qualified to do it, but generally don’t, especially if you perceive it as a make work project.
Especially avoid planning meetings. A meeting to plan another meeting is one to be skipped unless you are the project manager and called the meeting, then you have to do it. Avoid these at all costs. Once nobody shows up, the meeting gets cancelled for email updates, which is a far better use of your time. As my grandfather said, they are as common as pig tracks and as useless as teats on a boar hog.
Avoid staff meetings. These are like planning meetings, but they occur regularly and when you miss one, nobody really cares (especially if there are more than 4 people). Only attend them occasionally as you work with these people everyday anyway, it’s not like you don’t know what is going on. Email your boss on a regular basis with your activity and you can plan something more productive during that time.
HOW TO GET OUT OF A MEETING
The tongue in cheek part really goes here. I’ll bet there are folks out there far more creative about this than me.
My favorite methods are to have a customer who needs you. They are your business and that overrides almost everything. Even your boss can’t deny this.
Pre-plan an emergency. I occasionally had another employee phone or knock on the door to call me out (email or text isn’t as good as that is not public enough) to get you out of a meeting. The trick is to never return. You’ll get the notes anyway, I promise. Since I worked with the press and analysts, I sometimes had a co-worker say that a reporter needed me right now. They were my customer and no one could say no. Many times there was no real emergency even if the press did call, it was the best and most efficient use of my time to leave the meeting so as to be actually working instead of being at a meeting. I usually dealt with the press immediately unless I had to do some digging to get back to them.
Attend meetings by phone if possible. You can always put the phone on mute and get your real work done, or surf the web or watch TV, which is usually just as productive. It’s easier to go to the bathroom, which brings me to…
Go to the bathroom. Offer to get a water to others when you go, then take as much time reading the sports page in the stall as you can. You are just as productive as listening to someone prattle on about their project.
Send your meeting information in by proxy. See above where someone is willing to talk. Give them your results or input so you don’t have to be there.
THE KIND OF MEETING TO HAVE
I realize that some meetings are necessary, so I understand that it’s the only way to get some things done. For the other majority of the time, see above.
The best meeting is a hall meeting. You run into the person you need help from and in 5 minutes, you’ve explained your need, what they can do and your time frame for doing it. Problem solved.
I also recommend having meetings with introverts and/or men. They don’t like to talk much (most of them) and want to get it over as quickly as you do. Attire requirements are less of a priority as is small talk.
Here is the net net, don’t go to a meeting if you don’t have to, get out early if at all possible and above all, don’t speak unless you have no option. Consider it a victory if you don’t attend, or a minor victory if you have to attend but don’t come out with anyone else’s work. You are a complete failure if you open your mouth and double your workload on something that is not tangential to your job or career. Enjoy your job more by having the time to actually be productive.
Dear Introvert, Why Are You So Quiet? Introvert, Here Is Why
What Is Happiness?
Happiness has a lot of definitions depending on who you are. Here is one that is not the only answer, just a good thought.
Mathematically speaking, it looks like this….
Vocabulary Tricks Dumb People Use to Sound Smart – Also A Good Meeting Bingo List When You Are Bored
I have heard most of these 89 sophisticated clichés that typically form the trick vocabulary of such people, almost always by management, whom I’ve indicated:
Note: these are also meeting (BS) bingo words when you are bored. Please let me know if anyone is ever in a meeting that can cross off all of these words.
One of my favorite sayings is: A meeting is a cul-de-sac where ideas are strangled and usually eliminated.
1. It’s a paradigm shift = I don’t know what’s going on in our business. But we’re not making as much money as we used to.
2. We’re data-driven = We try not to make decisions by the seat of our pants. When possible, we try to base them in facts -SC.
3. We need to wrap our heads around this = Gosh, I never thought of that. We need to discuss that….SC
4. It’s a win-win = Hey, we both get something out of this (even though I’m really trying to get the best from you)
5. ROI [used in any sentence] = Look at me, I’m very financially minded, even if I never took any finance classes in school
6. Let’s blue sky this/let’s ballpark this = Let’s shoot around a bunch of ideas since we have no clue what to do
7. I’m a bit of a visionary = I’m a bit of an egomaniac and narcissist EB
8. I’m a team player/we only hire team players = I hope everyone on the team thinks this is a meritocracy, even though I’m the dictator in charge EB
9. Let’s circle back to that/Let’s put that in the parking lot/let’s touch base on that later/let’s take this off-line = Shut up and let’s go back to what I was talking about
10. We think outside the box here/color outside the lines = We wouldn’t know about how to do something innovative if it came up to us and bit us in the behind
11. I/we/you don’t have the bandwidth = Since we cut 60% of our headcount, we’re all doing the job of 3 people, so we’re all burned out
12. This is where the rubber meets the road = Don’t screw up
13. Net net/the net of it is/when you net it out = I never studied finance or accounting but I sound like someone who can make money if I keep talking about another word for profit
14. We’ll go back and sharpen our pencils = We’ll go back and offer you the same for 20% less in hopes you’ll buy it before the end of the quarter – RA
15. It’s like the book “Crossing the Chasm”/”Blue Ocean”/”Good To Great” / “Tipping Point” / “Outliers” = I’ve never read any of these books but I sound literate if I quote from them. And, besides, you cretins probably never read them either to call me out on it
16. Let’s right-size it = Let’s whack/fire a bunch of people – RA
17. It’s next-gen/turn-key/plug-and-play = I want it to sound so technical that you’ll just buy it without asking me any questions
18. We need to manage the optics of this = How can we lie about this in a way people will believe?
19. This is creative destruction = I’ve never read Joseph Schumpeter but our core business is getting killed so it’s your responsibility to come up with a new product the market will buy
20. We don’t have enough boots on the ground = I don’t want to be fired for this disastrous product/country launch, so I’m going to sound tough referring to the military and say I don’t have enough resources
21. Deal with it = Tough cookies – SC
22. By way of housekeeping = This makes the boring stuff I’m about to say sound more official
23. That’s the $64,000 question [sometimes, due to inflation, people will denominate this cliché in millions or billions of dollars] = I don’t know either
24. Let’s square the circle = I’m someone who can unify two team members’ views and sound important
25. It’s our cash cow/protect/milk the cash cow = If that business goes south, we’re all out of a job
26. It’s about synergies/1 + 1 = 3 = I don’t get the math either, but it sounds like more and more is better, right?
27. Who’s going to step up to the plate? = One of you is going to do this and it’s not going to be me
28. We’re eating our own dog food = It sounds gross but we seem like honest folks if we do this.
29. We need to monetize/strategize/analyze/incentivize = When in doubt, stick “-ize” on the end of a word and say we’ve got to do this and 9 out of 10 times, it will sound action-oriented.
30. We did a Five Forces/SWOT analysis/Value Chain analysis = We didn’t really do any of that, but none of you probably even remember Michael Porter, so what the heck
31. It was a perfect storm = We really screwed up but we’re going to blame a bunch of factors that are out of our hands (especially weather)
32. At the end of the day…. = OK, enough talking back and forth, we’re going to do what I want to do – LS
33. Who’s got the ‘R’? [i.e., responsibility to do what we just spent 20 minutes talking about aimlessly] = If I ask the question, it won’t be assigned to me
34. Let’s put lipstick on this pig = plug your nose
35. I’m putting a stake in the ground here… = I’m a leader, simply because I’m using this cliché
36. We’re customer-focused/proactive/results-oriented = That can’t be bad, right? This is motherhood and apple pie stuff
37. Our visibility into the quarter is a little fuzzy = Sales just fell off a cliff
38. That’s not our core competency/we’re sticking to our knitting = We’re just glad we’re making money in one business, because we’d have no clue how to get into any other business
39. Well, we’re facing some headwinds there = You put your finger on the area we’re panicking over
40. It’s a one-off = Do whatever they want to close the sale
41. Incent it = That’s not a verb but I just made it into one because I’m a man/woman of action
42. I’m an agent of change = This makes it sound like I know how to handle the chaos that our business is constantly going through
43. We’ve got to do a little more due diligence there = Don’t have a clue but does that legal term make me sound detail-oriented?
44. Don’t leave money on the table = Be as greedy with them as possible
45. We take a “ready, fire, aim” approach here = We totally operate on a seat-of-the-pants basis
46. Hope is not a strategy = I don’t have a strategy, but this makes it sound like I’m above people who also don’t have a strategy – BO
47. We have to tear down the silos internally = Our organizational structure is such a mess that I’m going to be under-mined by other departments at every turn
48. I don’t think it will move the needle = This won’t get my boss excited
49. Good to put a face to the name = I’d really rather talk to that person behind you
50. Let’s take the 30,000 foot view… = I like to think I see the big picture
51. It’s the old 80-20 rule = I really have no idea what the rule was, but I just want to focus on the things that will make us successful
52. We need to manage expectations = Get ready to start sucking up to people – AL
53. It’s not actionable enough/what’s the deliverable? = You guys do the work on refining the idea. I’m too tired.
54. My 2 cents is… = This opinion is worth a heck of a lot more than 2 cents
55. I’m going to sound like a broken record here… = I want to clearly point out to you idiots that I’ve made this point several times before
56. We’ve got too many chiefs and not enough Indians = I want to be the Chief
57. Going forward = Don’t screw up like this again – AL
58. My people know I’ve got an open door policy = I’ve told my direct reports to come to me if they have a problem, so why should I feel bad if they complain I’m too busy to talk to them?
59. It’s gone viral = Someone sent a tweet about this
60. I know you’ve been burning the candle on both ends = Get ready to do some more
61. It’s scalable = We can sell a lot of it in theory
62. It’s best-of-breed = We hired a market research firm to say that – too many – SC
63. We’re all about value-add = Unlike our competitors who seek to add no value
64. What’s our go-to-market? = Has anyone planned this out, because I’ve been too busy? SC
65. I’m drinking from a fire hose right now = I want a little sympathy over here, because I’m tired of carrying this company on my back
66. We’re getting some push back = They’re not buying it JB
67. We need to do a level-set = I’ve never been inside a Home Depot, but this phrase makes me sound handy
68. It’s basic blocking and tackling = How could you screw this up? I also played high school football and those were the best days of my life.
69. Let’s put our game faces on = Get serious, guys
70. We’ve got it covered from soup to nuts = I have no idea what that means, but don’t you dare question my prep work on it
71. We don’t want to get thrown under the bus = So let’s throw someone else first – RGorman
72. But to close the loop on this… = Always the more theoretical Business Development/Strategy guys who say this, so they can sound thorough
73. What are “next steps”? = Did anyone take notes during the last 90 minutes of this meeting?
74. This is low-hanging fruit = Get this done quickly
75. We need a few quick wins = We’ve got to trick people into thinking we know what we’re doing by some successes we can point to and claim as ours DHP
76. It’s a [Insert Company Name] killer = Did I get your attention yet with the Freddy Kreuger imagery associated with the company who’s currently eating our lunch? SC
77. I want to address the elephant in the room = I know you think I’m trying to cover up/gloss over something, so I might as well talk about it
78. This is the next big thing/new thing = Some of our 20-somethings have told me this is really cool
79. This time it’s different because… = Don’t wait for the explanation… simply run for the hills.
80. What are the best practices on this? = How can I cover my behind that we’re just doing stuff the way other good people have supposedly done this?
81. This is our deliverable = I know this sounds like something that comes in a body bag, but it makes our PowerPoint sound tougher than it actually is
82. We’ll loop you in when we need to = You’re not that important to know about all the details on this
83. We want this to move up and to the right = I failed high school algebra but someone said this means we’ll be making a lot of money if this happens
84. We’re going through a re-org = No one knows what the heck is going on at the moment, we’re going to lay off a bunch of people.
85. We’ve got to increase our mind-share with the customer = I think I would have been happier as a doctor doing lobotomies than in marketing as a career path
86. I don’t think you’re comparing apples to apples = Let me tell you how you should really think about this issue = DHP
87. Let’s peel back the onion on this = I want to sound thorough so this is a better way of telling you that than simply clearing my throat
88. You phoned it in = I was too busy checking my email during your presentation that I didn’t listen _ JC
89. I want you to run with this = I just threw you into the deep end of the pool and you’re on your own to figure it out -JC
How Much Weight Can You Lose by Taking a Dump? Can You Weigh Farts? Everything You Wanted To Know About Your PooP
UPDATE: The 7 Reasons Farting is Good For You
Dropping a deuce, pinching a loaf, laying pipe, reading the sports page, seeing a man about a horse, all are names for the same thing.
But how much does it weigh? Can you lose weight by taking laxatives or giving birth to a legend size turn monster? How much does a fart weigh? Do women fart as much as men? Let’s look into it.
How much your poop weighs
According to thrill list health:
To find out how much our stool adds to the scale, researchers (serious poop
researchers do exist, folks) collected samples from people living in 12
different countries to get a comprehensive overview.
They discovered that poop weighs between 2.5oz and 1lb, on average.
To find out how much our stool adds to the scale, researchers (serious poop
researchers do exist, folks) collected samples from people living in 12
different countries to get a comprehensive overview.
Have you ever weighed yourself before and then after taking a dump?
Of course you have! Who hasn’t? The best part is seeing the scale budge
in your favor after dropping the kids off at the pool.
So it stands to reason that if you could poop more, you’d lose weight, right?
Same for farting — gas has mass, after all. Could pooping and farting
be legit weight-loss secrets, or is it all just a lot of hot air?
Unsurprisingly, Westernized populations have the lowest poop weights,
thanks to a severe lack of fiber that comes with a fast-food diet. Western
samples only averaged between 3-4oz, which isn’t nearly enough to
make a difference in your skinny jeans.
How much do farts weigh? And how do you even weigh farts?
Very, very carefully. Gastroenterologists in England tried to determine
a fart’s weight by giving study participants 200g of baked beans in
addition to their normal diet. Even scientists know beans are a magical
fruit. To measure the toots these beans are known for, they used rectal
catheters over the course of 24 hours, which raises serious concerns
about the mental stability of the participants.
Despite the method, the data collected may surprise you more.
Scientists learned that the farts weighed between 16-50oz per day.
That’s right: You’re holding as much gas in your system as a small
Sweetums soda. And in case you’re wondering (you’re obviously
wondering), “Women and men expelled equivalent amounts,”
according to science. That’s right. Your sweet little cupcake is
cutting the cheese and stinking up the room just as much as you are.
Pooping to lose weight is actually a really bad idea
Of course, there are those out there who see “poop can weigh a pound”
and will try to up their poop game by taking laxatives. Bad idea.
Robert Herbst, an 18-time world-champion powerlifter and one of
the drug-testing supervisors at the Rio Olympics, says laxative-driven
weight loss happens even at the highest levels of sport, and it isn’t pretty.
Herbst confirms that dropping a deuce will in fact budge the number
on the scale, though it won’t alter your body composition or muscle
percentage, saying, “One pound in does not guarantee one [pound] out,”
because food is metabolized differently. Certain foods are absorbed
more efficiently, while others pass right through (looking at you, corn).
So while a pound of lettuce may work its way out to the porcelain
water slide, a pound of pie will most likely stick to your thighs.
Pooping isn’t a total elimination of all the calories you eat, since that
wouldn’t make any sense. Your body needs energy, so it’s not going
to shit it all out.
On top of that, Herbst’s experience monitoring weigh-ins taught
him that no one’s going to see Biggest Loser-type results. He says
you may see a 5lb drop (if that), depending on how much you currently
weigh. If you’re a big dude, you’re going to expel more in weight and
volume because you’re already eating more.
The majority of people will only be able to look forward to a mere
1-2lb difference (at most) if you’re an active person. Those losses
aren’t worth canceling your gym membership, and in extreme
cases, excessive laxative use can lead to all sorts of nasty medical complications.
What About Competitive Eaters?
I watch the July 4th Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest yearly. Joey Chestnut
knocked down 70 dogs in 10 minutes. I’m not sure how much that
weighs, but given the average Joe spits out almost 2 pounds after a
few dogs at most, does that mean that Joey is somewhere between a
Saint Bernard and an elephant the day after the contest?
I found this gem THE 8 TYPES OF POOP YOU SHOULD NEVER
IGNORE because it means you have a problem
What Does Your Poop Say About You?
I found this gem at did you know your facts?
And finally, go to this link to evaluate your poop and pooping habits because you should examine your deuce to see if you are unhealthy or have a problem.
What Name or #Gender Has the Highest Number of #Geniuses and High #IQ?
Somebody else calculated it. Go see the results here and whether your name is on the list.
Most common first name of geniuses.
8 Basic Truths Even the Smartest People Forget
This is the Background for my Facebook page, the reason I thought this article was so interesting. Perhaps you will also. Even the person some regard as the smartest surely forgot some things, especially on his desk.
Even the smartest people out there sometimes forget some of those obvious concepts:
1. Not feeling ready can be a good thing
Opportunities rarely come when we are 100% ready to seize them. They are more likely to knock on your door when you feel insecure with your preparation, knowledge and skills. But that doesn’t mean you should be ignoring them until you feel ready. Most of our lifetime opportunities force us to grow both emotionally and intellectually. They push us to give the best of ourselves, even if that means getting out of our comfort zones. But sacrificing our comfort can give us the chance for personal growth. If you want to change your life for the better, you should open yourself to the opportunities that arise, even if you don’t feel 100% ready.
2. Success and failure go hand in hand
Often times people tend to misinterpret the meaning of the word “failure”. Why are we so afraid of failure? It is just as natural as succeeding. Failure doesn’t mean not succeeding. It is actually a part of the circle of success. And success itself shouldn’t be measured by the achievement of a particular goal. Success is a state of being and therefore everyone can feel successful.
3. Action is the key for all success
We often hear that knowledge is power. But it only is power if you use it. Knowing how to do something and actually doing it are two completely different things. It doesn’t matter if ,for example, you read books and articles on fighting procrastination, and take no particular action to overcome that problem. Knowledge and intelligence are useless without action.
4. Even mistakes mean progress
If you look back in your life, maybe you will realize that the mistakes you have done in the past have taught you valuable lessons. So why should we be scared of making mistakes, if they help us grow stronger and wiser? Every mistake you make on the way to a particular goal brings you one step closer to achieving it. It is highly possible that the mistake you will regret the most in your life is not taking action because of the fear of making mistakes. This way you will always be wondering what could have happened, if you hadn’t been so scared. And most importantly- you wouldn’t have made any progress. So don’t be afraid of feeling uncertain about something- give it a try and see what happens.
5. Making decisions is impeded when there are too many options
We live in times when there are so many opportunities for us to choose from when it comes to determining our career and life paths. But when we have so many choices before us, we can often times get confused and indecisive. Business and marketing studies prove that when a consumer has more product choices, he’s predisposed to buy less. If you think about it, choosing one product out of three product choices feels much easier than choosing one out of three hundred. Most people will give up easily, if the buying decision process is tough.
6. Success doesn’t necessarily mean happiness
Many people believe that they can only be happy if they accomplish a particular goal. In my opinion, we can choose to be happy every day, no matter where on the path to our goals we are at the moment. “The monk who sold his Ferrari” by Robin Sharma is one of the most inspiring books I have ever read. One of the main ideas shared by the author is that you don’t have to wait to accomplish your dreams to be happy. The main character was one of the most successful layers in the country but even though he had everything he ever wanted, he wasn’t a happy person. The most important thing is to cherish every moment of every day and to be thankful for who you are and what you have now.
7. You can be the best at something even if you don’t like doing it
Some people say that in order to be good at doing something, you should love doing this thing. In my opinion, this isn’t necessarily true. If a person devotes their time and effort to learn a particular skill, they can become excellent at it. How they feel about the activity doesn’t determine their success in it.
8. What we see in others exists in us
When we have a problem with someone, this can actually help us learn more about ourselves. It can help us learn why we see that problem in the other person, and the reason can be that we hold it inside of us, too, and seeing it exposed before us can be frustrating. But acknowledging that what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves, can help us overcome our unsolved issues.
Hat tip to Intelligence.com
Can Men and Women Work Together, Happily Without Sexual Tension?
In a WSJ article today entitled, “Men and Women at Work: Unhappy, But Productive“, I couldn’t help but recall some observations I’ve made over the years at multiple companies in many situations. If you are the PC police, save your hostilities as most of this is common sense.
The article states this:
When women and men work together on teams, the results are good for business—but they don’t enjoy it much.
That, at least, is the experience of employees in one company, a large US professional services firm studied by economists at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and George Washington University.
Researchers looked at eight years of the firm’s revenue data and employee surveys, measuring satisfaction, cooperation, morale and attitudes toward diversity. That included data from offices or teams that were entirely male or entirely female, along with data from teams that were more evenly mixed.
On surveys, individual employees reported higher levels of job satisfaction when they were on teams that were mainly staffed with people of their own gender. Those on more diverse teams reported lower levels of happiness, trust and cooperation–consider this Journal essay on what men don’t know about women at work – although revenue figures showed they were more productive and better performing—by a lot.
“People are more comfortable around people who are like them,” says study co-author Sara Fisher Ellison, of MIT.
It may be that members of homogenous groups “socialize more and work less,” Ellison notes. Mixed groups may lack social capital, but varied perspectives and skills may help a unit perform better. The researchers posit that shifting an all-female or all-male team to a coed one would increase revenues by 41%.
Also, researchers found that workers seemed to appreciate the idea of a diverse workplace more than they liked diversity in practice. According to employee surveys, workers gave gender and racial diversity high marks for boosting morale, trust and employee satisfaction, but those who actually worked on diverse teams tended to report lower levels of those traits.
My take so far…..
This prompted some thoughts that many have made about the differences between men and women. It’s likely that women have kept men from wiping each other off the planet in the adult version of kill the man with the ball, or who wants to be king. Conversely, men have killed each other over a woman (OK, women have killed over men also to a lesser degree) but that isn’t the same as competition in the workplace.
The sexes still are created differently. Little boys can make a gun out of sticks and play war. A majority of younger girls have a greater preference to play with dolls. Not long after, more boys begin in sports, even if on the street level. This activity encourages them to play your position as a team to win the game. While an increasing number of girls are playing sports, those that do appear to decline in numbers when social engagements take priority. It’s been observed that women enjoy shopping far more than men, but there is no winning the game in dolls or shopping. There certainly are a great number of outstanding female athletes, but the trends and volume of numbers still appear to favor men. Men on the other hand generally fail at these more social activities which women exceed at. It manifests itself in social behavior later in life where women can tend to be far more social than men.
This has to do with corporate behavior. Men get a rush out of hitting the walk off home run, catching or throwing the winning touchdown, scoring the winning goal or getting the biggest hit in the game. Delivering the crushing hit isn’t as big of a priority to most women. The workplace is a place of competition, even in a teamwork situation. You work together to kill the competition for market share. There traditionally has been a disproportionate number of women in the marketing and communications disciplines which by nature are more social. While there is an increasing number of female executives, one still notices that the skill of hitting the walk off is a learned practice, not ingrained and salivated for by testosterone driven executives.
Having observed these early differences, the article goes on to state the following:
There is a “mismatch between the kind of workplace people think they would like and the actual workplace that makes them happier,” says Ellison, and that may suggest employers could do more to help workers embrace differing backgrounds and viewpoints.
The researchers only studied one firm, Ellison cautions, so the results don’t necessarily translate to other companies. Other studies have found similar results — a positive relationship between gender diversity and firm performance, and higher satisfaction and trust among groups composed of similar people. What’s unusual about this study is that the researchers found both effects in the same firm.
The paper, Diversity, Social Goods Provision, and Performance in the Firm, recently published in the Journal of Economics and Management Strategy, is by Ellison and Wallace P. Mullin, an economist at George Washington University.
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN AROUND EACH OTHER
Men act differently with each other when women aren’t around as I’ve been assured that women also do. We punch (physically or verbally), snap each other with towels and so forth. Women tend to act more grown up around each other, except that they can be harder on each other, especially behind other women’s backs. Men will hand your a$$ to you right to your face.
SEXUAL TENSION
There is another issue I’ve observed, sexual tension. Both sexes are genetically encoded to reproduce. This behavior requires some level of courtship ranging from drunken hookups to abstinence until marriage, but it exists. When you put men and women together, generally something is going to go on. I have yet to see an office where it hasn’t happened. When you stick opposite sexes together, or worse on extended business trips, guess what goes down? This almost always gets in the way in the form of nepotism while it’s going on, to retribution afterwords. The army saying is don’t s–t in your own foxhole.
PUSHING IT TOO FAR
Why the PC police are forcing the military to make the sexes cooperate in tight spaces like a submarine where you are guaranteed deserted island behavior is beyond me. The recent incident where men have filmed women in the shower on a sub is no surprise. That is asking for something to happen. You can only push the bubble so far before it breaks. This is quarters that are just too close. Someone is going to hop into the sack.
I also get diversity and have been through hours of training. It’s the same boring training year after year on what you can and can’t do and how to act so that the company doesn’t get sued or blame you for the easy way out. I’m for hiring the most talented and best candidate for a position rather than a quota based system. It can result in distorted statistics that the racial and feminist overlords use against companies, but the idea is to create the optimal team be the most competitive and win. Sometimes that creates teams of men and women, sometimes it’s dominated by more of one sex than the other. When it’s time for battle though, you put your best team on the field, and that is determined by meritocracy.
So do men and women like working together? For the most part to a person will say they do. Behind the others backs or in the back of their mind, the differences are there and likely go unspoken or not thought of until the instinct to crush the opponent is instinctual or learned. You can point the gun, but can you pull the trigger.
CRYING
I saw an article on LinkedIn about women crying more than men. You can read the article here and draw your own conclusion, but it appears that there are clear differences between the two sexes emotionally.
And…..women tell me the difference between women and men is women have 2000 web pages open at once and work them all. Men have one page open, but know every inch of it.
So in conclusion, no.
Gross and Icky Stuff You Still Will Read About Like Snot and Poop Color, and Do You Eat Boogers?
Why snot is green or yellow, or other color. Click to read more.
Mucus is clear when you’re healthy and have no serious invaders. However, when bacteria or viruses attack, it will turn yellow or green due to the influx of iron-containing enzymes including myeloperoxidases, other oxidases and peroxidases. These enzymes are used by white blood cells, namely polymorphonuclear granulocytes, to help ingest and deactivate bacteria through an oxidative process. The combination of dead white blood cells, used up enzymes and eaten bacteria, all of which still contain a fair amount of iron, results in the green or yellow color.
Notably, the longer snot stays in your sinuses, the greener it will get.
Is eating boogers healthy for you? Click to read.
That said, while it may seem gross to those of us who’ve never tried (or don’t remember- nearly all children do this at one point or another), according to the sparse few studies that have been conducted on booger eaters, the vast number of people who eat their nasal mucus find it palatable, which probably isn’t a surprise to anyone as if they didn’t, they’d likely just stop. As SidneyTarachow in a 1966 report oncoprophagia (the compulsive eating bodily secretions) noted, “persons do eat nasal debris, and find it tasty, too!”
So to sum up, at least to date, there is no scientific proof that ingesting snot by passing it through your mouth is beneficial. That said, it is plausible that the snot we do all ingest all the time is benefiting us in the way snot-eating proponents suggest. It’s just that we don’t need to put it into our mouths to see the benefit, if such a benefit does exist as hypothesized.
In the end, though, as long as you’re careful, picking and eating is not generally going to hurt you, and many find it tasty… so, if that’s your thing, bon appétit!
Why is poop brown? Click to read more.
Poop is brown due to bile from your gall bladder being metabolized by the bacteria in your intestines. This results in a byproduct called stercobilin, which, in turn, makes poop look brown-ish.
Without this stercobilin, your poop would typically look grey-ish/white. Because of this, a sure sign you are having problems with bile production, such as a blocked bile duct by a gall stone or something more serious like pancreatic cancer, is if you notice your poop is this white/grey-ish color.
In the end *pun intended*, brown poop is a pretty good sign you are a relatively healthy individual. Some other common poop colors that generally aren’t a good sign of health are as follows:
- If you notice your poop is red, this could be a sign of internal bleeding or could just mean you’ve recently eaten beets. If the cause is bleeding and the bleeding is from your stomach or throat, however, your poop won’t be red, but rather black and will smell worse than that time you decided you should eat a box of Twinkies and a box of Cheesy Handi-Snacks all in one sitting.
- Yellow poop means there is a lot of fat in your feces. This is not a good sign. Consider turning this into a positive by making poop candles with your fatty deposits. Yellow poop also has a very strong odor, which will give your poo-candles that little something extra.
- Green poop is an indicator of some sort of bacterial infection or that you are a vegetarian and eat way too much leafy foods for your own good. Seriously, try some bacon. It’s delicious.
Bonus Facts:
- When you see corn in your poop, this isn’t the whole kernel, though it may look like it. What you are actually seeing is the outer yellow part, which is mostly cellulose and indigestible (fiber). The inside of the kernel will have been digested as it is primarily starch.
- Poop generally stinks because of the sulfur-rich organic compounds produced by bacteria, such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans. Another contributing factor is an inorganic gas that is produced, hydrogen sulfide.
- Poop of meat eaters smells worse than the poop of vegetarians. You win this round, hippie.
- Bird poop is white due to their kidney’s extracting nitrogenous wastes from their bloodstream and subsequently excreting it in the form of uric acid, which has a very low solubility in water and emerges as a white paste-like substance.
- Animals such as dogs, rabbits, rodents, gorillas, etc often eat their poop to maintain proper health. For animals such as rabbits who eat a lot of plants, their poop contains quite a bit of undigested plant matter; so eating their poop is a nice easy way to get more out of the food they eat. For some animals, their poop can be very vitamin rich with the bacteria in their intestines producing vitamins they wouldn’t get otherwise. For animals such as dogs, poop can be a good source of these vitamins and protein. This is why dogs are so fond of cat poop; it is very high in protein. Pro-tip, cut down on how much you need to clean your cat litter by allowing dogs and vegetarians access to it. The dogs/vegetarians get a lot of protein (in the latter case something they are deprived of due to their hippie ways) and you never have to clean poop from the liter; it’s win/win.
- The word “poop” comes from the onomatopoeia poupen or popen, which originally meant “fart”. “Poop” came into its current meaning around 1900.
- You can tell an amazing amount of information about a person based on their poop. Extraterrestrial enthusiasts theorize this is why when Aliens abduct humans they go straight to anal probing.
- In South Asia and South-east Asia, it is common to find showers in the toilet room for cleansing one’s self after pooping.
- With Islam, post-pooping requires a ritual cleansing. One should enter the toilet room with the left foot first; ritually cleanse your butt-hole with water using your left hand; then step out of the toilet room with your right foot first. As an aside, in many Muslim countries, toilet rooms are considered “Houses of Satan”.
- In India, rather than use toilet paper, it is typical to simply use your left hand.
- If you think that is bad, in Ancient Rome, a wet sponge on a stick was used. That sounds all well and fine until you find out that that after being used, the sponge was placed back in a tub of salt water to await the next person to come along and wipe with it. Suddenly the “left hand” method isn’t sounding so bad.
- About 3/4 of an average piece of poop is made of water. Of the remaining 1/4, about 1/3 of it is dead bacteria from your intestines; another 1/3 is fibrous matter; the remaining amount is made up of fats, phosphates, living bacteria, dead cells, mucus, protein, etc.
There of course are many links in these pages that lead to other gross stuff. Enjoy.
University of Texas at Austin 2014 Commencement Address – Admiral William H. McRaven
This is not only very inspiring, it is some of the best advice on the Interweb. For those in a good way, it will make you better, for those in a bad way it will show you how to begin to pick yourself up. If you are young, it is a good lesson in how to live your life.
AP Photo/The University of Texas at Austin, Marsha Miller
UT alum Adm. William H. McRaven gives students the “hook ’em horns” at the university’s commencement last week.
U.S. Navy admiral and University of Texas, Austin, alumnus William H. McRaven returned to his alma mater last week to give seniors 10 lessons from basic SEAL training when he spoke at the school’s commencement.
McRaven, the commander of the U.S. Special Operations Command who organized the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, stressed the importance of making your bed every morning, taking on obstacles headfirst, and realizing that it’s OK to be a “sugar cookie.”
All of his lessons were supported by personal stories from McRaven’s many years as a Navy SEAL.
“While these lessons were learned during my time in the military, I can assure you that it matters not whether you ever served a day in uniform,” McRaven told students. “It matters not your gender, your ethnic or religious background, your orientation, or your social status.”
What Is The Best Way To Learn, Or Learn How To Learn?
Once again, a smattering from many on this subject, but I can vouch for many of these techniques.
The quickest way to learn anything is by Positive Transference of Learning.
Transfer of learningIt means transferring the skills you have learned in one field to something else.
Transfer of learningIt means transferring the skills you have learned in one field to something else.
Some obvious examples.
- If you learn one instrument you can learn another easier than the first.
- If you have learnt a new language it is easier to learn another quicker than the first.
But there are other aspects of it.
If you have learned to play the piano, you will be able to learn touch typing easier. This is because learning touch typing requires a rhythm and hand-and-eye motor skills.
If you have learnt to draw well you will generally be more observant.
You can use Venn diagrams to see what skills have in common.
Let’s imagine you want to learn three different subjects of:
Touch Typing
Piano
French
Also assume you were a beginner in each, and had only an hour a day to learn.
- Typing and piano both require hand practice (the overlapping skill)
- Touch Typing requires typing out words. You can choose to type out french words from french songs. So words are the common element.
- Piano requires learning songs. You can choose to learn french songs..
You can now use your practice hour in the following way.
- Practice your typing for twenty minutes. This will get your hands warmed up, and increase your french vocabulary.
- Then practise the piano for twenty minutes. Try singing the french words to the songs you are learning.
- Now practice your french by learning new french songs.
This is only an indication of how skills can be transferred. We do it all the time in lesser ways, but it can be worked out systematically.
In my own case I once worked as a sailor.
I transferred that skill to helping run a diving boat. I was able to get free diving lessons for doing this.
Once I had learned to dive, I took up underwater photography. I now used my diving skills to get photos.
Once I got photos I sent them to magazines, so used my photo skills to get into journalism.
Once I got into journalism I wrote travel articles about diving.
I then expanded my journalistic skills to other subjects.
In most cases I simply learned enough to do the job required, so I was never particularly good at any of them, but good enough to achieve my purpose.
From an outside view I appeared to be a quick learner with many skills, whereas I was a normal learner with adequate skills applied in a systematic way.
Robert Frost, Professional instructional systems designer and author of a training course and manual on the learning process
The key to quicker learning is to understand how learning happens and then taking advantage of that process.If we study how neurons work in our brains, we can reach two conclusions:
- Learning occurs because of repetition
- Learners must connect new knowledge to previous knowledge in order to learn
The first one is pretty straightforward. Repeatedly think about something and the neurons related to that something will grow dendrites and make associations with other neurons, making it easier for us to remember and recall that something, when needed. We all know how to learn or memorize by repetition.
The second is the more complicated one. Our brains store information by context and association based on existing mental models (AKA schema). If we want to learn new information successfully we need to either find an existing mental model that will associate with the new information or we need to build a new mental model in which the new information will fit.
The quick learner determines the analogous existing mental model or realizes when they don’t have an existing acceptable mental model and they back-off and build a new mental model before trying to absorb the concept that is new. Building new mental models can be done by outlining or mind-mapping. Start with the central new concept and branch off to the key features of that concept. Keep branching off until you reach a point where you have existing knowledge that can connect to the new knowledge.
Here is a crude example. Let’s assume we wanted to learn how to play chess:
By making the association between the shape of the Bishop piece and a picture of a bishop’s hat we will have a neural association that will make it easy for us to recognize which piece is the Bishop.
Using images wherever practical is a benefit, because our brains are better at remembering images than words.
Much more on this subject is found at this link.
The Chemical Composition of a Fart. Something I Never Knew
Go ahead, make jokes….they are always funny about this.
Now, The 7 reasons farting is good for you.
Why Are Moths Attracted To Lights?
For many years it was thought the moon did have something to do with the attraction of moths to light. The so-called light-compass theory held that moths used the moon as a navigational beacon. By keeping it at a constant angle to their direction of travel, they were supposedly able to fly in a straight line. The trouble (for the moths) came when they made their sightings on a close-up light source like a candle flame. Instead of heading in a straight line, they flew around the flame in an ever-narrowing spiral until finally, phhhht, moth flambé.
But this theory had more holes in it than a moth-eaten sweater. The main problem was that moths simply don’t fly around lights in spirals. This was shown by an ingenious bug researcher named Henry Hsiao. He tethered moths to little styrofoam boats in a tiny artificial pond — I love guys like this — and tracked their flight as they headed toward a light source. He found the moths flew more or less straight at the light until they got up close, at which point they veered off and circled around it at a more or less constant distance. They seldom actually touched the light.
A number of other theories have also been discredited. Some claim that, to the moth, bright lights mean open space and open space means safety. But moths are nocturnal, and the night sky has no light sources anywhere near as bright as a porch light. Besides, why should the moth feel compelled to fly around the light in circles? Others argue that moths associate light with warmth. Yet ultraviolet lamps, which are much cooler than incandescent bulbs, attract more moths.
Henry Hsiao to the rescue. He said moths exhibit two kinds of behavior. When they’re distant from a light source (they’re drawn to light from as far as 200 feet away), they make a beeline straight toward it. Why, nobody knows. Maybe they’ve tumbled to the fact that lights mean people, and people mean: Wool sweaters! On an even more basic level, a light means: Other moths! Par-ty!
However, when the moths get close to the light, a different kind of behavior takes over. Instead of being attracted to the light, the moth is actually trying to avoid the light. When you think about it, this is only natural. To a creature of the night like a moth, daylight and by extension any bright light means danger. The moth doesn’t fly directly away from the light due to a peculiarity of vision called a Mach band. A Mach band, which apparently is common to all sighted creatures, is the region surrounding a bright light that seems darker than any other part of the sky.
Hsiao conjectured that the moth’s atom-sized brain figures the darkest part of the sky is safest. So it circles the light in the Mach band region, usually at a radius of about one foot, depending on the species. Eventually either its momentum carries it away or it finds a dark corner to hole up in.
In short, moths like some light but not too much — just like other creatures I could name. Nobody wants to get burned, naturally, but at some point in our lives, aren’t we all attracted to those bright porch lights?
TOP POSTS OF 2013, DEWALT AIR GUN ASSAULT RIFLE, EUPHEMISMS FOR STUPID
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 35,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 13 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
In 2013, there were 51 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 460 posts. There were 24 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 1 MB. That’s about 2 pictures per month.
The busiest day of the year was February 25th with 1,894 views. The most popular post that day was
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 35,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 13 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
In 2013, there were 51 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 460 posts. There were 24 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 1 MB. That’s about 2 pictures per month.
The busiest day of the year was February 25th with 1,894 views. The most popular post that day was:
Here is the post, click on this link
Views: 1,894?
Visitors: 1,545
Views per Visitor: 1.23
Next was WD-40 interesting facts
9/11 facts and pictures was next most popular
My all time number one hit though in any search engine, especially Google is:
17 Things Alka Seltzer Is Good For, It Even Catches Fish
1. Safely Unclog A Drain
A great natural solution for unclogging the drain! Just drop four Alka-Seltzer tablets down the drain, followed by a cup of white vinegar and allow to stand for about ten minutes. Flush with a pot of boiling water. Doing this on a regular basis can help keep that drain clear. This also works to deodorize the drain.
2. Clean a Toilet In A Hurry
Drop two tablets in the toilet, wait 20 minutes for the citric acid to loosen the grime, scrub and flush. The bowl will be clean, shiny, and deodorized. Handy for a quick clean in case of uninvited, unannounced, surprise guests.
3. An All-Purpose Cleaner
Alka Seltzer can also be a good all around cleaner. Plop three tablets into 8 ounces of warm water. Once the fizzing stops, dip a sponge in the water (or you could fill a spray bottle) and wipe down counters, tiles and tubs. You can even place some in your sink and use as mop water. Just add five tablets to one half gallon of water.
4. Soothe Insect Bites
Drop two tablets in warm water, then soak a cotton ball in the solution. Place on the bite for 30 minutes for relief from the insect bites.
5. Catch a Fish
Fish love bubbles. Break a tablet in half and throw it out near your fishing line, or put a tablet inside your tube jig and cast off. The fish won’t be able to resist the stream of bubbles.
6. Remove Burnt On Food From Bakeware
Drop 5 tablets into a sink full of hot water and let your cookware soak for an hour or so. The burnt food will come off with ease.
7. Whiten and Brighten Your Laundry
To get rid of dingy yellow color on white cotton, soak your whites in a solution of a gallon of warm water and two Alka Seltzer tablets. Then hang your whites in the sun to dry to get rid of any lingering stains.
8. Deodorize the Fridge
For a clean, fresh smelling refrigerator, drop an Alka-Seltzer tablet in a cup of water and leave it in the refrigerator for a half hour. If there is still a smell in the refrigerator, then wash down the inside of the refrigerator with another Alka-Seltzer tablet in water.
9. Clean a Glass Jar, Flower Vase or Thermos
For those difficult to clean vessels with narrow-necks, and hard to reach places, drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets in, add hot water and swish it around until the tablets are dissolved and let it sit for an hour. Rinse, and the glass jar, vase or Thermos will be as clean as new.
10. Restore Stained Plastic Containers
Got spaghetti sauce stains on your plastic containers? Simply fill your container with warm to hot water and depending on the size drop 1-2 tablets into the water. Let sit for 30 minutes and the stains will disappear before your eyes.
11. Polish Your Jewelry
Drop two tablets in a bowl of warm water. Let your jewelry soak for about 20 minutes. It will look new again! (Note: This is not safe for pearls or opals.)
12. Build Rockets For Kids
Entertain little ones by heading outside with an empty film canister, filled halfway with warm water. Drop in half a tablet, snap on the lid and place the canister upside down on the sidewalk or driveway. Take a step back and watch your rocket blast off!
13. Clean Your Coffeemaker
Fill the water chamber of the coffeemaker and then drop in three tablets. When the Alka-Seltzer has dissolved, put the coffeemaker through a brew cycle. This will clean out all the internal components. Run through another plain water cycle before using the machine again for coffee.
14. Help For Nicotine Addiction
If you’re trying to quit smoking Alka-Seltzer can help. Take two tablets three times a day to relieve nicotine withdrawal symptoms and curb cravings.
15. Cure Urinary Tract Infections
Showing signs of a urinary infection? Take two tablets in a glass of water as soon as you notice symptoms. Results are almost immediate. Keep in mind that Aspirin is a main ingredient in Alka-Seltzer so those with Aspirin allergies shouldn’t use it.
16. Clean and Deodorize A Cooler
After an outing or trip, add about 1 inch of water to the bottom of your cooler, drop 4 tablets in, and let sit for an hour. After an hour, rinse and dry. All smells will be gone and it will be clean and ready for its next use.
17. Clean Dentures
Drop an Alka-Seltzer tablet into a glass of warm water, and then drop your dentures into the glass for about ten minutes. The citric acid and carbonation will remove the toughest stains from your dentures and other prosthetic dental work. This is an excellent substitute for more expensive denture cleanser products.
How Cool Is This, The World Clock In Any Time Zone
OK, the title should really read useful now that I think about it, but so what.
For those who care about punctuality, or for those who don’t, how would you like to know the correct exact time wherever you are?
How about if you want to check and see if your Laptop, mobile device, watch or any other time piece is accurate?
I’m Just Not In That Big of a Hurry
I’ve decided to that hurrying through life just doesn’t have the payback it seems. The hustle and bustle of busy work, conference calls, email and social media keep some in a coffee enhanced mode glued to their screen and missing out on life just isn’t worth it. I got to thinking about this and decided to take some stress off of things and so whenever possible, I now work on my schedule. I’ll get around to what is needed to do, but I’m not going to let it keep me up at night. I’m not as worried that my comments on social media or political diatribes that upset me really don’t matter all that much. Once you get used to this, those pesky deadlines that are mostly self inflicted become less important. After all, most of the above described issues are nuisances at best.
WHERE DO WE GET THIS CULTURE?
For many, they just can’t wait to grow up fast (not me). Then can’t wait to get promoted (partly me), can’t wait for kids to grow (not me) and finally can’t wait to retire (me even thought I’m working again, but for myself). Work seems to exacerbate it the most with demands endless meetings (Meeting = a cul-de-sac where ideas get strangled and go to die), phone calls, emails, instant messages, texts and incessant demands from bosses (the less competent usually are the worst like 3 of my last 4 before I retired, on my terms).
My last couple of Boss’s in this picture
It turns out that this extra stress can lead to brain damage.
On the social side, I have a relative with MOP (miss out phobia) who is afraid something is going to happen without her. Her sibling just doesn’t give a rats rump what others think and has far less pressure socially, but missed out on some things in life. Striking a balance is good.
The Wall Street Journal recently published an article on when not to accept a promotion. There is a myriad of reasons given including family life, unrewarded extra burdens for the less than promised climb up the ladder. I personally turned down 2 promotions as they wanted me to move to New York where I would get a 30% higher cost of living, three times the responsibility that I wouldn’t be compensated for and a back stabbing culture of ladder climbers. My real reason for not doing it is that I didn’t want to raise a family there and wanted to bring them up in a better part of the country. After that, I was happy not to be there stressing out more. Since I’d already been on every rung of the ladder, the need to be at the top was less than taking care of my kids. I still managed to beat the system to be rewarded better than the curve and on my terms.
All of this adds up to the rat race. I’m not sure why I didn’t think about it before, but it’s a terrible way to go through life. Now that I think about it, I just knew that taking it easy and beating the system was the way to get ahead the right way, and not sell your soul in the process
MOUNTAIN TIME AND ISLAND TIME
Having spent time in both places, I noticed that the folks there just don’t seem to be in a rush. It truly is a New Yorker’s nightmare not to have someone jump when they say how high or to have to be busy in crisis mode over everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m for punctuality, but these two groups set a different deadline (sometimes internally) and usually meet it. They don’t die early from stress usually.
I noticed it in the Caribbean islands first. They are not in a hurry for anything.
I then noticed it in the mountains that they get around to things..eventually. It was enough of a coincidence that I quickly connected the dots between the two.
I’M GETTING THINGS ACCOMPLISHED
To be fair, I’m busy and am accomplishing more under my own direction than when under the gun of a manager overlooking by shoulder. I’m the manager now. It’s just that I’m making the deadlines and am meeting all of them.
So I’m happier in life and wish that for others and hope that this 24/7/365 mentality doesn’t overtake your priorities. It’s corny, but true in this video below:
What Does the Internet Say Are Great Pieces of Advice for Life?
Not all of these are my idea, rather they were gathered from a collection of many, many others as I’ve run across them. Nevertheless, they are interesting to ponder. I’m sure there a thousands more, but they are here for you to share:
Don’t stop learning: If you start coasting through life, you’re gonna lose. Always stretch your intellect.
Don’t always try to be original: Just tell the story or paint the canvas or whatever.
Focusing on “fairness” will lead to stagnation.
If you’re not failing, you’re doing it wrong. (It’s OK to make mistakes.)
Don’t try to reason with mindless, irrational people.
Don’t stress yourself out with news and “staying informed” too much.
Do something that’s not for money.
The key to happiness is BUILDING stuff, not GETTING stuff.
Time passes by a lot faster than you’d think. This effect accelerates with age.
Wealth is relatively unimportant.
Some things can’t be learned; they can only be experienced.
Figure out who you are, then ACCEPT that person, and then BE that person.
Don’t wait for permission. Give yourself the okay.
Don’t lie to yourself.
Forgive as much as possible. Grudges achieve little.
Be humble (especially to the “little” people).
You and you alone control how happy you allow yourself to be.
Find a mentor and BE a mentor.
Find what you like and let it kill you.
You don’t have to eat everything that’s on your plate.
You don’t have to pick up a phone that’s ringing.
Always take action on things. People regret inaction more than action.
The past is something you learn from. It is not something you live in.
Wealth is measured by your happiness and not by your financial statement.
Your mind decides what is hopeless. Your circumstances do not.
More things will happen to you that you have absolutely no control over than things you do have control over. You ALWAYS Have the power to choose how you will react.
Remember that their is a God and don’t stop seeking him.
Do one thing at a time. All that huzzah about multi-tasking? BS
Don’t compare yourself with others. It’s an inaccurate measuring stick. It is more accurate to compare from within. Compare yourself with yourself. How much progress have you made? How have you changed? What negative behavior have you stopped engaging in? That’s what matters.
Don’t believe what you think. Never make up stories in your head about what other people are thinking or why they do certain things. Your made-up stories are making you miserable. You’re often wrong about other people are thinking anyway (I cannot count the number of times I’ve overhead “I think x hates me.”) Quit it. Remember, people are by nature benevolent). The criticism you hear about you is only ever one person’s opinion about you. If it becomes a pattern, then you can re-evaluate course and improve. More power to you.
Learn to handle criticism. Don’t take it personally. Criticism of an idea or project is not criticism of the creator as a person. Everything can always be improved; criticism is the vehicle to allow you to improve. Only apply remedial measures if the criticism has value. ”Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Aristotle
Quit idealizing authority. Don’t try to impress people. If you feel a need to you’re implicitly de-valuing yourself and asserting “I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I will try to “impress” you instead.” You’re not allowing yourself to fully connect with someone when you put them on a pedestal.
Don’t take anything personally. It’s easy to get offended and internalize what others say. Recognize that when you ask someone for advice, responses can be all over the place. Understand that others opinions’ are a reflection of their own world and a product of their own reality. It has nothing to do with you.
Never get into a victim mentality. If you focus on what’s right and wrong, you’ll stagnate. Instead, accept things the way they are. Once you do this you can to start to change things and have the power to redirect the future the way you want to.
Value the people in your life. Everyone wants to feel like they’re important. Look at everyone as if they had a star on their forehead that said, “make me feel special.” People hunger for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. Stop wasting time and energy thinking about how people should be different.
Be happy for other people who are happy. Train your mind to be sincerely happy for happiness and catch your resentments and jealousies before they run off too far. It’s easy to resent people for being happy.
Embrace vulnerability. Embrace discomfort. Doing this will increase your luck surface. Allow yourself to be hurt. When you trust yourself, you’ll be confident enough that you will rise up again when you fall.
Just because you don’t feel like doing something doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it.
You never have anything to lose. You could lose all your money, and become homeless for a while, but you can’t lose who you are, your essence. Be okay with getting your hands dirty and screwing things up – in believing that you have nothing to lose, you will have the power to move through your own life and create change.
Don’t take anything personally. It’s easy to get offended and internalize what others say. Recognize that when you ask someone for advice, responses can be all over the place. Understand that others opinions’ are a reflection of their own world and a product of their own reality. It has nothing to do with you.
Never get into a victim mentality. If you focus on what’s right and wrong, you’ll stagnate. Instead, accept things the way they are. Once you do this you can to start to change things and have the power to redirect the future the way you want to.
Value the people in your life. Everyone wants to feel like they’re important. Look at everyone as if they had a star on their forehead that said, “make me feel special.” People hunger for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you. Stop wasting time and energy thinking about how people should be different.
Be happy for other people who are happy. Train your mind to be sincerely happy for happiness and catch your resentments and jealousies before they run off too far. It’s easy to resent people for being happy.
Embrace vulnerability. Embrace discomfort. Doing this will increase your luck surface. Allow yourself to be hurt. When you trust yourself, you’ll be confident enough that you will rise up again when you fall.
Just because you don’t feel like doing something doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it.
You never have anything to lose. You could lose all your money, and become homeless for a while, but you can’t lose who you are, your essence. Be okay with getting your hands dirty and screwing things up – in believing that you have nothing to lose, you will have the power to move through your own life and create change.
What Are Good Interview Questions?
This is a aggregation of suggestions I’ve been collecting. Credit goes to the various authors respectively, including me.
Important Things Learned
- “What’s the most unexpected thing you’ve learned along the way?”
- “If you could call yourself five years ago and had 30 seconds, what would you say?”
- What is the best piece of advice you have been given?
- What is the first moment you remember in your Life?
- What is the best question anyone has ever asked you? …and how did you answer?
How You Would Spend Your Time
- “On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life?” Then, after I answered, I was asked, “What would make it a 10?”
- “How will you make this world a better place than when you came into it?”
- “When you die, what do you want to be remembered for?”
- What would you do with your time if you could afford to quit your job?
- If all jobs paid the same, what would you be doing?
- What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
- Are you doing what you thought you would be doing when you were growing up?
- What would you change in your life now if you wanted the answer to this question:”What is your greatest regret?” to be “I have no great regrets?”
About You
- Someone gets a text message from you, and for whatever reason they’re not sure it’s actually you. They’re worried that someone may have stolen your phone. What could they ask to make sure it’s really you?
- What music do you listen to?
- What is the craziest belief (the one that fewest educated people will agree with) that you hold? Why do you believe it?
- Make a request where the “right thing to do” is for the other person to say no to you.
- Are you lucky?
- What would you do if you were homeless?
“How will you make this world a better place than when you came into it?”
or similarly, in the same spirit,
“When you die, what do you want to be remembered for?”
I’ve found that, in general, a person can only answer these questions well if:
- they’ve done a fair amount of self-reflection
- they’re reasonably good at long-term thought/planning
- they have a good assessment of their current skill-set, what skills they want, and how they can use the former to help achieve the latter
- they have self-confidence
- they are aware of their mortality and, rather than fearing it, are inspired to do as much good as possible
What is the first moment you remember in your Life?
How have you grown and changed over time?
What about you hasn’t changed over time? Are you happy or unhappy with this lack of change?
Tell me something about yourself that would otherwise take six months for me to learn.
What is the best piece of advice you have been given?
If you could have lunch with any 3 people, who would it be and why?
What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
If money were no object, what would be the first thing that you would do right now? What do you think is your greatest strength? Greatest weakness?
What are 3 qualities that you take most pride in in yourself?
If you were to be exiled to a deserted island (presumably this island has nothing other than basic survival items) by yourself and were allowed one comfort item, what would that item be?
What is the last thing that you have seen/heard/experienced that has inspired you?
Do you have a role model right now, and why is that person your role model?
What are you most afraid of, amongst the 7 deadly fears?
– Most people don’t know what the 7 deadly fears are, so I often phrase this question as “What is worse, rejection, inadequacy, guilt, or whatever else you can think of?”
Rank the love languages for a) how you love to receive, and b) how you give.
What is the funniest thing that you’ve ever watched?
– Some people say chick flicks, some say The Office type shows, for me the Tina Fey spoof with Sarah Palin in 2008 takes the cake. You get the point.
If you go into a bookstore, what is the first section that you will go to?
What engages you intellectually?
Someone just told you “you are awesome”. What just transpired?
What drives you? If there ever come a point where you commit suicide (touch wood), presumably because you have lost all hope and drive to live, why would that be?
What would keep you up at night?
What is the most misunderstood trait/belief about you?
10 years later, you are the happiest person in the world. What could have happened in between those 10 years?
When was the last time you cried, and why?
What is your proudest moment in your life thus far?
– I get answers ranging from career accomplishments, to small things which do their family proud, to encounters with personal growth, etc.
What would be one skill that you would want to learn if you could master it in 1 hour?
What is your biggest challenge in life?
And finally, I like to throw in a trick question that the Mensa elitists like to ask to mess with someone,
What is the meaning of life, give three examples.
Meaningful Sayings, Things You Should Know
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ’911′
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure..
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
16. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Great Sayings With Meaning, and Some Trivia Also
“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” (Sign hanging in Einstein’s office at Princeton)
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
Robert Frost – “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
arrêtez de ramer, tu attaques la falaise. (You can stop rowing now, you’re on the beach)
It is easy to lose one’s perspective in a mass of details. – Bible Study Fellowship
Failure is but a paragraph in the book of each human life. It is the pages that follow that ultimately define us
Laurence J. Peter – “An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.”
“Racing is Life. Everything before and after is just waiting.” Steve McQueen from the movie LeMans
Albert Einstein open original article “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former
Joseph Heller -“The enemy is anybody who’s going to get you killed, no matter which side he’s on.”
Sidney J. Harris – “A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.”
Abba Eban-“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
When you win, say nothing, when you lose, say less. -Paul Brown
You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. -Michael Jordan
Every game is an opportunity to measure yourself against your own potential. -Bud Wilkinson
Excellence is not a singular act but a habit. You are what you do repeatedly. -Shaquille O’Neal
“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” Winston Churchill, as quoted in The New American Newspeak Dictionary (2005) by Adrian Krieg, p. 96
Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of strength
Oscar Wilde
“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”
Losers quit when they’re tired. Winners quit when they’ve won
370H-SSV-0773H – read upside down
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race [is] not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so [are] the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.– Ecclesiastes 9:11,12 —
“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.” – John Kenneth Galbraith
If guns kill people, then pens misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, forks make you fat, and TVs make you watch porn.
Listen to people. If they are worth talking to, they are worth listening to first.
You can’t change what happens to you in life. All you can change is how you deal with it.
I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a Rats Rump in days.
Liberalism: Moochers electing looters to steal from producers
Political Correctness – A term used by whiny wussies that need stuff sugar coated
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” -Albert Einstein
“I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.” Abraham Lincoln
- “This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.” Elmer Davis
- “Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty.” John F. Kennedy
- “Sure I wave the American flag. Do you know a better flag to wave? Sure I love my country with all her faults. I’m not ashamed of that, never have been, never will be.” John Wayne
- “We must always remember that America is a great nation today not because of what government did for people but because of what people did for themselves and for one another.” Richard Nixon
- “There is no limit to the greatness of America!” George W. Bush
- “Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy.” Ann Coulter
- “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.” Nathan Hale
- “Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.” Adlai E. Stevenson
- “One, if you attack my integrity, I will defend myself. If you attack my patriotism, I will defend myself. If you come after my family, I will counter-attack viciously, I will destroy you.” Scott Ritter
- “The American patriots of today continue the tradition of the long line of patriots before them, by helping to promote liberty and freedom around the world.” John Linder
- “Patriotism is easy to understand in America. It means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country.” Calvin Coolidge
- “This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in.” Theodore Roosevelt
- “You cannot spill a drop of American blood without spilling the blood of the whole world…. We are not a nation, so much as a world.” Herman Melville
A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within – Ariel Durant
“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.” – George Eliot
But isn’t it always that way with liberals? The only time they seem to make any sense at all is when they’re drunk or you are.
-Burt Prelutsky
Ya gotta be tough if your gonna be stupid.
“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of crap by the clean end.”
Laurence J. Peteropen
“Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.”
“Never judge a book by its movie.”
“Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.”
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom
If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me – Jimmy Buffett
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.” – Thomas Jefferson
Pain is only temporary, victory is forever -Jeremy H. WinningLaurence J. Peter – “Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.”
Ronald Reagan – “The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
Douglas Adams – “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”
Ronald Reagan – “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'”
Mark Twain – “Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
Frank Zappa – “Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.”
Peter Drucker – “So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.”
Michael Crichton – “Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you’re being had.”
Thomas Sowell – “Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good.”
Vince Lombardi – “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”
Ronald Reagan – “Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”
“Thanking Obama for killing Osama bin Laden is like going into McDonald’s and thanking Clown Ronald McDonald for the hamburger. The person cooking the burger should get the credit, not the Clown. It was the intelligence gained by the previous administration that found him.”
And you sir are weak! Unwilling and unable to look evil in the eye and deal with it! – Jack Bauer
“If one does not fail at times, then one has not challenged himself.” -Ferdinand Porsche
Signs That Show You’ve Grown Up
Your potted plants are alive. And you can’t smoke a one of them.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up.’
You’re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff.’
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
“I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You don’t drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
Delusions of Adequacy 