Category: humor

On Being Alone, Be A Rebel About It – Introvert Stuff

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do stuff with others. I like them, but my ability to want to hang with people grows shorter every day.

Just leave me alone. I promise I’ll leave you alone.

If I want to talk, I promise you’ll know. If I want to know something from you, I’ll ask.

I enjoy being alone more than with crowds. I’ve had a lifetime full of that and have never felt the need to be a part of one. That includes standing in lines for something (like Disney) or wanting to be accepted in someone’s social circle (that has stupid clique rules).

A year or so ago, I opted out of a neighborhood birthday party because I couldn’t go home early or take another car. I drove for 3.5 hours to a vacation home while they thought I was getting the house fixed. I knew it wasn’t going to happen that trip, but that’s how far I’ll go to not have to go to a social event where I know no one.

No one missed me and I didn’t have to go. I enjoyed my days off and we all were happy.

FWIW, my name is John, and I don’t give a fuck.

Work Phrases Explained

Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the email.

Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters.

All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.

Approved:
Needs revising

Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself.

Channels:
The trails left by interoffice emails.

Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.

Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.

Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.

FYI:
Found yesterday, interested?

In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her.

Let’s Get Together On This:
I’m assuming you’re as confused as I.

Note & Initial:
I’m not taking the fall for this myself.

Policy:
We can hide behind this.

Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I’m lonely.

Top Priority:
It may be stupid but the boss wants it.

We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer or we can’t find anyone willing to be responsible for this.

Will Advise In Due Course:
If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Get Older

#9  Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8  Life is sexually transmitted.

#7  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6   Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart.  If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3  All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

#2  In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal

#1  Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers.  What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

And You Thought You Might Have Delusions of Grandeur?

“Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.” – Jane Wagner

It turns out that Jane was a comedy writer for Lily Tomlin. I sort of thought it was a joke but it had so much to do with the name of my blog, I’ve even put this statement in the sub-title.

I’ll stick with my title, it seems a better fit for most of the stuff that has been going on recently.

Because of…..Snowflakes, Saturday Double Entendre Humor, Or Not

It snowed last night…8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 – The transgender man..women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.

8:40 – The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 – The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 – TV news crew from CNN showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.

9:00 – I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 – I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 – Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested. By noon it all melted

Moral:There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.”

Friday Stupid Saying – About The Incompetent

“The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.” – Lawrence J. Peter

I know this is not all that witty but bear with me. The reason it is there other than it is true is that in all of my posts, I have one entitled Euphamisms for Stupid, which has been in the top 5 for Google since 2006 worldwide. It is pages and pages of these. Go get one and use it at a meeting today:

Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp
Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine.
Mind is in neutral, body is in gear
Mind like a rubber bear trap.
Needing a few screws tightened
Not firing with all spark plugs
Not the brightest light in the harbor
Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree
Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box.
Not the sharpest pencil in the box
Off his rocker
On/off switch is broken in the off position
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One neuron short of a synapse
One taco short of a combination plate
One turbine short of an airplane
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests
Prime candidate for natural deselection
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse
Requires directions to lay sod
Room temperature IQ
Running about a quart low
Running on empty
Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them.
Sharp as a bowling ball.
She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she
had two guesses.

I wish I had written something of extreme intelligence that changed the course of history, but it looks like laughing at ways to say someone ain’t that bright is what it is for now.

Note: to the SJW, this post as with most of mine is made in jest. Try to have fun and not ruin the day for others.

Monday Election Saying

“The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.” – Ronald Reagan

I saved this gem as election day is tomorrow. For the most part, it’s 90% true. The only difference in this election is that one of the candidates was stolen from the business world.

Friday Saying – John Glenn On Birthdays

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

I’m cursed with sharing a birthday with Madonna.  If you’ve read any of my recent posts my loathing for celebrities is evident.

Elvis died on my birthday.  While the world was sorry for the loss, it saves me from the blight of the above.

Everyone shares a birthday with a lot of people.  I wonder who has the best share??

Sunday Humor – WIZZ Air Affected By Covid….Wizz Air, Did Anyone Think About That Name?

Here is the story about how Covid/Corona/China/Wuhan/whatever virus has affected the airline.

BUDAPEST (Reuters) – Wizz Air <WIZZ.L> will sharply reduce weekly flights to and from Hungary from Sept. 7, the airline said, after the government announced it would ban the entry of foreigners to try to rein in the coronavirus outbreak.

It’s not the actual story, but I read WHIZ Air.  That’s right, piss air, pee pee airline, piss flights, the jokes write themselves.

I don’t know who thought about that name, but a little research on the Internet might have been helpful first.  Seriously, it’s not like someone in the country had English as a second language.

Thursday Saying – How To Confuse People In A Sentence

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel

 

There’s not much I can say to this other than it’s genius, or a better Yogi Berra-ism than Yogi could have said.

The next time I want to stop the talking or confuse others, I’m using this one.

How To Piss People Off

I laughed at this, especially the staple and the beeping.

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

Great Sayings – Confucius Said It Before Wait, Hold My Beer Was Invented

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

 

A person must know their limits.  Those who know more than you will quickly know when you have gone past the line of your knowledge (abilities, capabilities, etc.)

It’s no shame to say I don’t know, especially if it gives you the opportunity to learn or grow.  It’s only those afraid to say they don’t know or act like they do that miss the chance to expand their life.

Swallow your pride and seek others help.

Also, don’t say here, hold my beer and do something stupid.

Saturday Humor – Fixing The Name of The Washington NFL Team

Read the title, this is humor and tongue in cheek at that.  Don’t take it any other way.  I don’t care if they re-name the team the Washington Team, but that doesn’t preclude me from making fun of the situation because someone sent me this and I think it is a clever play on words.

The world has bigger problems than this so try and have a laugh, then move along.

Great Sayings – Words Married Couples Should Never Use

“Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.”

Wendell Johnson

 

When I went to a group for married couples early in my marriage, this was one of the significant topics.

Sure, it’s written in humor in the quote above, but it is very true.  Nothing is always or never like you never put the toilet seat down or you always leave the lights on.  It’s just not true and both parties know it.

The reason I say married couples is that people dating or living together can just leave with little damage other than feelings.  While it’s not believed by a lot of people, the concept of marriage is until death do us part.  Some still pull that off.

So never say always and always say never.

Humor Sayings – How To Count By That Famous Actor

“Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.”

Mickey Mouse

I’m going to leave any sense of my usual pontificating based on wisdom here.  They of course couldn’t say it on TV, but the old locker room joke is that guys can count to 21, do the math.

I haven’t looked at his picture recently, but I don’t think Mickey had 5 fingers on his hand either.

More On How Little People Care About the Opinions Of Actors and Hollywood

Let’s face it, actors are people who pretend to be others for money.  A few make it as big stars so good for them.  I hope more are successful.

Many in Hollywood or wherever the pretenders live are separated from the real world.  They have a good education in acting, but seem to lack an understanding of how little their opinion matters.  Many sport that valuable high school degree that is just the stepping stone for the rest of the country.

The number of Instagram followers is not an indication of their influence or education, except to minions of teenyboppers who want their shot at fame.  The meme above talks about politics, but they seem to interject when it is social media acceptable for them to tell us what they think we should do.

The celebtards, as I have seem them referred to want to force their beliefs on the 9-5’ers.  The problem is that those two groups live in different worlds.  Most in the real world understand what it takes to survive in a less privileged life.

At the end of the day, most of us just want to see them ply their trade to entertain us and distract us from our worries and troubles.  We don’t need them to tell us how to think, vote or live our lives.  Stick to acting so we can enjoy it.

I’ve posted before how no one really cares about celebrity opinions.  I thought I’d just revisit it.

Great Sayings – What The Heck is Aristotle Really Saying?

“In the case of all things which have several parts and in which the totality is not, as it were, a mere heap, but the whole is something besides the parts, there is a cause; for even in bodies contact is the cause of unity in some cases, and in others viscosity or some other such quality.”

I got this from Mark Manson.  The original quote we think we know goes like this; the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.  Mark points out that almost nothing Aristotle says is all that understandable so I thought I’d give an example above.

Usually I have something pithy today, but I thought I’d throw in an example of something we think we know and really don’t, along with how little we pay attention to history.

Sayings That Sound Dirty But Aren’t

TOP TEN LEGAL SAYINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT AREN’T

Have you looked through her briefs?

He is one hard judge!

Counselor, let’s do it in chambers.

Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.

Is it a penal offense?

Better leave the handcuffs on.

For $200 an hour, she better be good!

Can you get him to drop his suit?

The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

Think you can get me off?

***************

TOP TEN GOLF SAYINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT AREN’T

Damn, my shaft is bent.

After 18 holes, I can barely walk.

You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

Look at the size of his putter.

Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

Mind if I join your threesome?

Stand with your back turned and drop it.

My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.

Nice stroke, but your follow-through leaves a lot to be desired.

And of course the list wouldn’t be complete without this……

Hold on, I need to wash my balls first.

 

Mask Follies – When Covid Kids Go Back To School (Humor)

Local school board is deciding whether or not to make kids wear masks at school. Here is what will happen.

Here’s how I think requiring masks might work in elementary.

Please don’t snap Billy’s mask in his face.

Your mask is not a necklace, bracelet, or any other form of jewelry.

You should not be using your mask as a slingshot. Please put it back on your face.

Please do not chew on your mask.

Your mask should be on your face, not on the back of your head

I’m sorry your mask is wet, but that’s what happens when you lick the inside of it.

I’m sorry you sneezed. Here’s a tissue. Wipe out the snot as well as you can.

No, you may not blow your nose in your mask.

Why is your mask soaking wet? You just came back from the bathroom?

And you put it back on your face after you dropped it?

I’m sorry you broke the elastic on your mask by seeing how far the band would stretch. Now you’ll have to hold the mask on your face … or use this duct tape.

Please take the mask off your eyes and watch where you’re walking. I don’t care if you have X-ray vision.

Please take the mask off of your pencil and stop twirling it.

I know the mask fits over your pants like a knee pad, but please take it off of your leg and put it on your face.

What do you mean you tried to eat your lunch through your mask?

Please don’t share your mask or trade masks. I don’t care if you like Ingrid’s mask better than yours.

I’m sorry, but your mask is not school appropriate.

We’re not comparing our masks to other kids’ masks… everyone’s mask is unique and special.

No, you may not decorate your mask instead of doing your work. I don’t care if you have a Sharpie.

You’re not a pirate, please take your mask off your eye.

Try to get the gum off as much as you can.

Please don’t use your mask to pick your nose.

I’m sorry you tripped, but that’s what happens when you put your feet inside the elastic of your mask.

No, your mask doesn’t make it hard to get your work done.

Your Mom will need to get you a new mask since you chewed a hole in that one.

Why is there a shoe print on your mask?

No, you cannot eat the snow through your mask.

I don’t care if you were in art class and being creative; we do not decorate our masks.

We do not beam other kids in the face with balls. No, their masks don’t make it not hurt.

Please don’t plug your nose holes with your mask.

Who’s making that noise?

I’m sorry your ponytail is stuck, that’s what happens when you see how many times you can wrap it around your mask.

I’m sorry to tell you, but your child thought her mask made her a superhero. She tried to fly off the jungle gym at recess …

I’m sorry your breath stinks in your mask, maybe we should all try to brush better.

Please take those cookies out of your mask. No, you are not a chipmunk.

Great Sayings – John Wayne On Life

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.

John Wayne
Yes life is hard, especially if you choose the wrong people, the wrong sources to get your information and put any faith in social media.
The filter you choose to get your information is usually someone trying to persuade you to their position.  Think through things and look past what others say to see if it is true, relevant and is in accordance with your principles.
Don’t be stupid

Sayings – Men vs. Women (Me being provocative)

Men are by nature merely indifferent to one another; but women are by nature enemies.

-Arthur Schopenhauer
This post is to see if anyone is really paying attention.  Yes, I’m being provocative on purpose. This is someone else’s quote, but I can be sarcastic and this proves it.
I have no real idea what goes on in the mind of females, nor does anyone really.  I’ve posted other stuff on men vs. women like how they complement and trash each other.
The things I’ve noticed are what everyone else already knows like girls getting along fine until you throw a man that both girls like  into the mix, then watch the sparks fly as they fight over the guy.
I’ve been told by girls that they can notice something wrong with another female they don’t like and when asked how do they look, they say you look perfectly beautiful.
Guys don’t give a shit.  Here’s an example.  Two guys are wearing the exact same thing at an event and IF by chance they notice they’ll just say great minds think alike or you have good taste.
So we’ll see if you are paying attention and if anybody gets pissed off.

The Ten Commandments Of Logic

  1. Thou shalt not attack the person’s character, but the argument. (Ad hominem)
  2. Thou shalt not misrepresent or exaggerate a person’s argument in order to make them easier to attack. (Straw man fallacy)
  3. Thou shalt not use small numbers to represent the whole.(Hasty generalizations)
  4. Thou shalt not argue thy position by assuming one of its premises is true. (Begging the question)
  5. Thou shalt not claim that because something occurred before, it must be the cause. (Post hoc/False cause)
  6. Thou shalt not reduce the argument down to two possibilities.(False dichotomy)
  7. Thou shalt not argue that because of our ignorance, claim must be true or false. (Ad ignorantum)
  8. Thou shalt not lay the burden of proof onto him that is questioning the claim. (Burden of proof reversal)
  9. Thou shalt not assume “this” follows “that” when it has no logical connection. (Non sequitir)
  10. Thou shalt not argue that because a premise is popular, therefore it must be true. (Bandwagon fallacy)

Try telling this to the Press, celebtards, sports stars who try to cram their opinion on those because they are good a games or career politicians.  They are the worst offenders.

Things You May Not Know, Or Haven’t Considered Yet About Life (6 People Look Exactly Like You)

1. Your shoes are the first things people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.
2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there’s a 50% chance you’ll die within the next 3 years.
3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There’s a 9% chance that you’ll meet one of them in your lifetime.
4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.
5. A person’s height is determined by their father, and their mother determines their weight.
6. If a part of your body “falls asleep”, you can almost always “wake it up” by shaking your head.
7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing – food, attractive people and danger.
8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side.
9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.
10. According to Albert Einstein, if honeybees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.
11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one every day, it would take over 20 years to try them all.
12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.
13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don’t.
14. Laziness and inactivity kill just as many people as smoking.
15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia.
16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!!
17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 minutes to boil 1.5 liters of water!!
18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell!!
19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!
20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
22. When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God’s guidance for your purpose, today.
23. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
24. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.
25. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
26. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts and things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
27. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
28. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything.
30. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
31. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
32. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
33. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’
36. Help the needy, be generous! Be a ‘Giver’ not a ‘Taker’
37. What other people think of you is none of your business.
38. Time heals everything.
39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
40. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. Each night before you go to bed, pray to God and be thankful for what you accomplished, today. What if you woke up this morning and only had what you thanked God for yesterday? DON’T FORGET TO THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING.
43. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

Black Friday Bingo in 2020 – Covid-19 Shopping Hazards

I’m thinking ahead here to what might happen on this next Black Friday sale.

As I type this, stores are just starting to open up from Covid-19.  There already was a fight in a parking lot as well as and ice cream store having to close it’s doors one day after opening because the patrons harassed the workers.

Black Friday is only 2 weeks before the presidential election, so a lot of folks should be ready to fight at the drop of a (MAGA) hat.  There is your political humor because it’s fair to make fun of both sides of politics.

There are plenty of documented cases of people fighting over sale items or the last widget in the electronics section in a normal year.

This is where this post goes to down the toilet.  I have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.

The angel side says hire extra security and let them in based on their arrival number and only let them in a few at a time.  This allows for social distancing and proper etiquette.  It doesn’t address cutting in line and fights outside, but my evil side is already thinking ahead.

The devil on the other shoulder says put a couple of jumbo TVs and other desirable stuff for $25 (and not available online) and let everyone in at once.  Then, sell the video on pay-per-view and see who the champion is.  The depravity of humans is bound to show it’s ugly face and it would be a sellout.  Watching the PPV would be better than the actual bargain.  You’ll get some Darwin award winners in this scenario.

I know that reality is somewhere in between these two, but it’s not lost on me that it will be different this year.  As I write down my thoughts, I’m wondering what store executives are planning given that a lot of stores make their profit numbers for the year in the last 2 months.  They already are so deep in the red that even holiday sales may not save them.

Times are changing and so will Black Friday this year.  I rarely buy pay-per-view on a real fight, but would consider this one.

Come back the last week in November and see if I’ve purchased the video of the fight, or if some clever marketing person has figured this out.

Great Sayings – Samuel Butler on Love

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.” – Samuel Butler

 

OK, this is a play on words, but sometimes this is right.  Everyone breaks up with the someone they thought was Mr/Mrs wonderful at first.  Sometimes it is nasty and there are hard feelings.  That is when this saying is true.

This is humor folks, try and remember that before you get offended.

Great Sayings – Things I’d Wished I’d Thought of After the Fact

L’esprit de L’escalier – things you wish you could have said after you leave an argument.

 

That’s me.  I win all my arguments, unfortunately many of them the day after they take place.  My response is usually spectacular.  I just wish I’d thought of it at the time.

Journalist Jokes, Because well….They Are Journalists

I worked with the press for decades.  The ones I worked with were nice people, but they had to write something that people will read, until now.  Journalists are supposed to (try to) and learn about the subject they are covering. Now they write ridiculous stories and then write the opposite.  They don’t even bother to fact check anymore.  No one reads corrections so they don’t care, and it shows.  I can’t even say this current lot are nice.  If you see below, they aren’t well liked either.

Lately, they have been circling the wagons to cover one side of the political scene or the other together.  They are exposing themselves to the public as to how little they know or how little they want to hide their bias.  A bunch of them just want to jam on the president out of spite, but they are either self-owning or he is swatting them like flies, especially Jim Acosta.

Twitter/Twitchy caught on and now instead of lawyer jokes, it is journalist jokes.  For the most part, this lot deserves what they are getting.  They are now as useless to regular people as celebtards and sports stars trying to give their opinion on something other than their sport.

The hashtag is #JournalistJokes, go see for yourselves.  Here is a list of some as a starter.  Others are more creative than me.

“Three journalists walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.”
“What’s 5 miles long and has an IQ of 30?” “A JOURNALIST PARADE!”
“Three journalists walk into bar and say ‘ouch’ – then write stories about how the bar is racist and phobic.”
“How does a journalist change a light bulb? He holds while the whole world revolves around him.”
And Twitchy’s pick for the winner: “What are the best four years of a journalist’s life? Third grade.”
“Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a ‘journalist’s funeral?” “Garbage cans only have two handles.”
“How do you make a journalist’s eyes light up?” “Shine a flashlight in his ear.”
“What do you call 25 skydiving journalists?” “Skeet.”
“How do you get a one-armed journalist out of a tree?” “Wave to them.”
“What’s the difference between a smart journalist and Bigfoot?” “Bigfoot has been spotted.”
“Why can’t a ‘journalist’ dial 911?” “She can’t find the eleven.”
“What do you do if a journalist throws a grenade at you?” “Pick it up, pull the pin out, and throw it back.”
“What’s the different between God and a journalist?” “God doesn’t think he’s a journalist.”

 

Hat tip WND