Category: sarcasm

Regarding Monday Mornings

I swear I wrote this in my journal this morning. I was grateful that I got rid of that ball and chain a long time ago. I busted ass for a long time to be in this position and it is worth it, I Gar-un-tee it!

Sure I’m older now and don’t have as many years left, but Sunday night doesn’t suck as much knowing that if it’s a bad one, I don’t have to hate the next 24 hours.

When I watched the NFL before it went woke, I used to go to Monday Night Football and get home late and not sober. How I made it to work the next day and was able to get through it is beyond me now. I guess I was young and it didn’t affect me like it does now, even though I gave up all my bad habits.

Just not being able to sleep, which happens a lot now can ruin the next day.

I think I’m better off older.

Random Funny Thoughts

I had amnesia once — or twice.

*****

Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

*****

I am neither for nor against apathy.

*****

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

*****

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

*****

What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

*****

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

*****

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

******

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

*****

One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.

*****

My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.

*****

I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.

*****

The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

*****

How can there be self-help groups

*****

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

*****

Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Sounding – A Terrible New Internet Trend (sticking things in your dick)

First they ate a spoon of cinnamon. Then, they were snorting rubbers (It’s on YouTube, I didn’t want to have to see it again).

Now there is sounding. It’s sticking something in your dick to see how far you can do it.

To no one’s surprise, the participants are going to the hospital and are being injured, like this boy who stuck a USB cable so far down that he couldn’t get it out.

A U.K. teen had to undergo emergency surgery after a bananas attempt to measure his manhood resulted in him getting a USB cable lodged in his urethra.

The phallic fiasco reportedly began after an unnamed 15-year-old boy was “triggered by sexual curiosity” and inserted a USB wire into his urethra, per a wince-worthy study published in the medical journal Urology Case Reports.

The sexperiment backfired when the cable became lodged in the curious teen’s scrotum like an electronic catheter. Despite attempts to extract it himself, the USB cord became tangled so terribly that both ends were left hanging out of his wired willy.

Play with it, use it to pee and the other stuff it was made for, but don’t stick anything in it. It is your best personal friend for men and a play toy for females.

Why I Don’t Argue On Line Anymore

I’ve written about Internet Road Rage and Stupid Things Smart People do. It’s also why I stay away from a lot of social media. My life is a lot happier that way. Also, I don’t have to worry about my body image that Zuckerberg lied about yesterday.

NFL, Doubling Down On Stupid

They sang 2 songs last Sunday, posing as National Anthems I read (because I didn’t watch). The Star Spangled Banner and Lift up your voice and sing (I think that is the name).

The ratings are down, they are bleeding fans because of Covid and being Woke. Did they not look at the Olympics ratings and why people didn’t watch?

I have always worked with the famous, the rich and the empowered, something I’m not proud of, but it came with the territory of my career. They were always tedious, demanding and self-entitled. I was always glad to be done with them when the job was over. Their entourage’s were even worse, with no real reason other than they thought they were meaningful because of who they worked for.

The rabid fans will stay I suppose, except those with a mind and a conscience. The rest will get fed up and bail.

I have been a season ticket holder to a team that has won multiple Super Bowls and has many players in Canton. I can’t take the kneeling and the other crap that is dividing our country and has nothing to do with sports.

These are the best paid in the country for playing a kids game, yet they feel entitled to tell us what to do and how to think. It’s the same for hollywood and the celebtards. They need to realize that watching sports is for fun and to get away from all the political crap. Instead, they choose to cut their throats even further.

Those with a brain are finding something else to do.

They are being stupid and should just play the game.

Covid Phase 3 Trials – Human Testing

OK, It’s sarcasm in a way, but the phase 3 clinical trials on humans don’t end until 2023. What is being passed as a vaccination is an emergency approval with no legal recourse. Pfizer’s FDA “approved vaccine”, Comirnaty is not available yet and will have a different recipe so they don’t get sued.

There are so many side effects of the current Jab that they need to protect themselves legally as the available mRNA version is killing people.

The CDC has changed the definition of a vaccine to cover for the jab. Vaccine– “a preparation that is used to stimulate the body’s immune response against diseases.” Instead of “PRODUCING IMMUNITY” the new definition moves the goal posts and states that their pseudo vaccine “STIMULATES THE BODY’S IMMUNE RESPONSE.” Let that sink in.

I’m not excusing Moderna or Johnson and Johnson (Astrazenica has it’s own problems and won’t get FDA approval until it gets to the USA) as they have a similar testing period.

Get ready for the legal cases when this becomes the new mesothelioma (hint, click for more sarcasm).

Childhood Pranks, One That Just Happened and My College Effort (Plus a list of Double Entendre Names You Can Use)

Some kids pranked a school board in Virginia with oldies like Wayne Kerr (Wanker), Don Kideck (donkey dick) and so forth. It’s going around but here it is. This guy had no idea he was being used like toilet paper, classic.

Now my turn.

In one of my auditorium classes (that held 250) students, we had a test and then were having the lecture. Back then it was 35 mm slides. My cousin was taking a photography class and I had her make me a whole roll of nudes.

While people were turning in their tests, I had my friends block the view between the teacher and me. There were slots open starting at the 7th slide. We anxiously waited that slide and he kept teaching because the screen was behind him. It was a shot of Marilyn Monroe from Playboy to start out. He took it well.

This was in the Animal House days. By the time the movie came out, we’d already done everything in the movie except the horse. We weren’t on double secret probation because we never got caught. We also stole the right test and got A’s in the class.

Now, here are the names you can use that weren’t called out in the prank. Some below were used in the prank above.

It’s almost as good as Euphemisms for Stupid, one of my top 2 posts ever. Someone reads that every day from around the world still. Hats off to the Bob and Tom Show (Paging Richard Smoker) and SNL for these. The clips are out there somewhere still.

Seymour Butts

Dick Beater

Richard Smoker (big dick smoker)

Jack N Off

Harry Balls(ack) – 2 for 1 here

Harry Beaver

Peter Stroker

Mr. Baiter

Haywood U Blowme

BJ Hunter

Peter Wanker

Woody Spanker

Sharon Peter

Stu Pedaso

Iwana Wiener

haid d’salaami
hous bin pharteen

Ive bin pharteen

jenna t’alia


jack izdikov (off)


justin detoush


suq madiq


usuqa m’diq


i’lik madiq


liqa madiq


yuliqa m’diq


u’wana m’diq


munchma quchi (coochie)


grabbir boubi


i-sheet m’drurz


shaif herboush


mustaf herod apyur poupr (up your pooper)


awan afuqya


yul strokheet al-wautch


apul madeek-aou

t

And, who can make a list and not include:

Mike Hunt

One of the tech support guys called the receptionist and had her page Mike at least twice over the loudspeaker to an entire warehouse. It was childish, but then so am I and I laughed as loud as everyone.

Today’s Covid Humor, What I Did At Home

I’ve been content free, so enjoy the laugh and do the usual copy and post on your social media of choice.

The trikini and marriage stuff is funny. Some of the Covid stuff makes too much sense.

Some of it just makes you think.

Guy Stuff, Why We Aim When We Pee

If it can be aimed at, we give it a go. Piscuits are low hanging fruit. A moving bug is much more challenging. It also guarantee’s a mess, but we take the shot anyway. We also play peeing for distance and other childish games.

I’m sure girls think we are silly, but when a group of them were asked what they’d do if they had a dick, they said aim it when they piss. (guys said they’d feel their boobs if they had them and shoot milk at each other like a squirt gun, still a dick thing).

When there is a stain on the bowl, we won’t clean it if we can knock it off with a stream. Yes, we write whatever we can on the sidewalk and in the snow. The ones that say they don’t are lying, but a few do need their man card revoked. We don’t even have to be taught this trick. It’s instinctive to try it.

Why do we do it? Because we can. Sure, our equipment isn’t as pretty as females, but it is useful and a built in play toy. Why do you think we hold on to it so much?

Best of all, the whole world is our urinal if needed.

I even broke up with a girlfriend who got mad at me when I had to take a leak by the side of the road because she was worried what people would think of her. They wouldn’t ever look at her for laughing at me. I knew she wasn’t a keeper at that point. Every thing was a joke to me and she couldn’t take a joke. The woman I married knew how immature I can be and ignores it most of the time.

The Difference Between Ignorance and Apathy – More Introvert Stuff

I’m busy researching something else to write about the Covid Jab ingredients and why they created the formula a certain way, so I’m somewhat apathetic about being clever today. Enjoy this one for now.

I will say this is how I feel about small talk though. Introverts will get that.

I have to talk to someone from my past soon. I hope to clear the BS out of the way and have an actual conversation, but it will depend on them. Otherwise, I’m shutting it down and giving them best wishes, also known as I’ll let you go now.

Ah, Men vs. Women, Here We Go Again – Humor Between the Sexes

I’ve posted a lot of stuff poking fun at both. Once, when partially serious I posted how and why we are different here.

When less serious about it, I posted how we see things differently, on how men and women see colors differently.

And now for today’s humor.

My, How Phone Booth’s Have Changed

I used to read the paper there. Now I read the phone. I still say I have to go read the sports page to be nice about dropping a deuce.

Don’t forget that if by chance you use the talking to another person feature on your phone, that you can be heard making bodily noises, or at least the echo that everyone recognizes.

Star Trek, Life Imitates Art

It would be iconic to call him that over a 2 way radio. The jokes write themselves sometimes don’t they.

I’ve met William Shatner. He was an ok guy. I’m sure meeting people like me over and over is tedious, but he was good about it.

He still is my favorite Captain and there would be no Picard, Janeway, Sisko or others without the real Kirk.

Here we are, in Vegas of course.

Most shocking to me is that I was taller. I’m also a 3rd degree blackbelt so I could kick his ass no matter how many Romulans he’s killed.

This Is Me If I Were A Doctor

Oh, I’d write a lot of other stuff too. Imagine if an ex came in or a celebtard whining about their $20 million Disney contract? No telling what I’d write, but it would be good.

I know doctors pride themselves on straight lines when operating. They told me.

Just like the anti-matter a few posts below, there are some things I should be banned from doing. This would be close to the top of the list.

And You Think Your Job Sucks and No, I Couldn’t Keep a Straight Face

Not a chance I wouldn’t play with these and laugh my ass off. I’d also be reported to HR within minutes for some inappropriate joke. It would be worth it.

I wonder if these ladies take work home with them?

Why Karma Is Going To Kill Me On This One

When I was young and dumb I was driving in the rain and saw a guy walking along the sidewalk with an umbrella. It looked like the one below.

There was a puddle that I could have driven around, but chose to speed up, going through the puddle and just waxed him. He put his umbrella away and was drenched.

To this day, I am expecting it to happen to me. I avoid puddles knowing that payback is coming. I don’t really believe in karma, but I know it’s coming.

By the way, I’m old and dumb now. I expect it to happen when I get even older and can’t get out of the way. It will be in the most inconvenient time and place possible.

How Did I Ever Survive Growing Up Doing This?

I look at the time out generation and think what a bunch of pussies they are. In reality, it is the parents fault.

I remember getting caught on a coral cliff at the beach and yelling for my Mom. She told me you got up there, you get yourself down. I got down and didn’t try that again.

These are the same complainers and cancel culture morons ruining our lives. They never had to grow up.

They complain on social media now and think someone cares.

I Got What I Expected, China is Stalking Me

I’ve posted stuff on Covid (link here to some of my posts to make it easy on them), where I called it the China/Wuhan virus, all to point at the CCP and the MSM. I also have done a lot of gene editing posts about creating bio weapons and super soldiers, and highlighted how they have doped the athletes over the years.

I don’t single out just China. I’ve listed stuff a lot of other people or countries have done too.

My blog is insignificant compared to others who have massive audiences. I go after the Media a lot too. I worked with them for decades and know how much they lie and how biased reporting is. (Recent studies show they have about 12% trust in America).

The statistics show me who’s reading what, and all of a sudden I’m getting a lot of hits from them. They re-route through multiple servers, but I can see that too. I poked the dragon and they responded, from all over the world.

I can’t be cancelled off of fake book or Twitter, or most of social media either because I cancelled them first. It is a cesspool of hate and once you try to silence any group, you are no longer free or accurate. It just becomes propaganda and Josef Goebbels showed us what that leads to.

I’m shocked that they give a crap about a blog that now has topics that go all over the place, but not surprised that no stone is left unturned.

Maybe I should work on the Russians or the Iranians next. I could create all kinds of fun. I think those guys kill people with polonium though. I don’t want to die like that.

Perhaps they’ll get a kick out of all the Gorilla Glue screw ups instead.

Just Another Reason Why I Love That I Fired Facebook

“Free speech is not an absolute human right,” says Helle Thorning Schmidt, member of Facebook’s Oversight Board and former PM of Denmark. “It has to be balanced with other human rights.”

How does that translate to content moderation? It must strike a balance, find a middle. pic.twitter.com/E5reaQ2bnk— POLITICOEurope (@POLITICOEurope) July 15, 2021

The Facebook Oversight Board, which consists of 20 members from around the world, was created last year to help corporate executives to distance themselves from decisions considered to be politically.

———————————–

Seriously?

We’re told we have to use certain words to describe certain people (pronouns). I can’t keep them straight.

Anything that some people say is wrong and others are always right, based on arbitrary rules that benefit only the elite.

Who told them that they are the arbiters of what we can say? (They can’t for me as I deleted them).

Most of all, why are they trying to stop free speech? Usually it is because they have something to hide.

Why are people standing for this? Those that do are dumbasses.

I can say that my life is much better without it. I have a lot more time and most of the content is BS anyway. Now, if only certain things are allowed, you have a one sided discussion. Count me out.

It is funny that the Whitehouse is fighting with fake book over Covid content in a game of finger pointing. They always eat their own.

What is humorous to me is that I have Danish relatives. Live by Jante’s Law, die by the sword.

Is It Just Me Or Do You Do This To Neighbors and Others?

First of all, I forget everyone’s name it seems, even though I have this handy device.

Next, my names aren’t as nice as the first two. Most of mine fall into the last category, although I treat men and women equally when doing this in my head. Basically, I go the interaction that made the most lasting impression and call them a profane form of the of said impression, then progress from there if they need it.

I mostly forget the people as I don’t want to remember any that come my way if possible. The ones I can’t avoid get some name other than the one they were born with. I’ll remember the nickname if I see them though.

When all else fails, I easily lump them in one category that covers a lot of space, dickhead.

One day I’ll get busted for talking to myself out loud and someone’s going to ask who is the ………..that I’m talking about?

Getting Old Sucks

The part that really sucks is that I’ve done a lot of this.

I, like others now wish I had this perspective on the wonders of youth and being in shape for free, not getting hurt when you move wrong and remembering what is going to hurt you and what you have to go through to get better.

Breaking: A New Update On Euphemisms for Stupid (Bonus For Introverts, What to Say Is Handed To You Here)

By far, my most popular posts are What’s it like to have a high IQ and this one, Euphemisms for Stupid. For a decade, this post was #1 worldwide in Google on how to call someone stupid.

More people have re-used content on this post around the world than some marketing campaigns by Facebook, and that is where a lot of it wound up it seemed (and I still have a happy life after I fired them).

To honor that post, I updated it today (there are almost a hundred creative ways to say someone fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down or that they couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel) with this one:

Enjoy, and if you want to find out a way to say someone is stupid that you’ve never heard of, go get you some at the link above.

Victoria’s Secret, A 2021 Tragedy

I’m like Jeff Foxworthy. I grew up getting the Sears catalog in the mail. Those were the only girls in underwear you would see, until Victoria’s Secret gave us the catalog of dreams.

They put beautiful women in underwear for men and women to admire. Good art in any form is beautiful (the Sears models reminded Jeff of the lunch lady at the school cafeteria). It’s why there are so many naked statues. It was the concept of art to an artist. That they lasted longer than a catalog has so far so that also says something.

Now this (here is the tragedy):

Here is the reaction so far:

Victoria’s Secret’s woke new look to please angry feminists is dubbed ‘Dumbest. Brand. Strategy. Ever.’

Victoria’s Secret has chosen going full woke over earning a profit, succumbing to the hypersensitivities on the left to embark on a major rebranding.

Even the standard size 32B mannequins on display in their stores didn’t make the cut, as the forms representing the female figure will now come in new shapes and sizes.

The paper said the company has been “scrutinized heavily in recent years for its owner’s relationship with the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and revelations about a misogynistic corporate culture that trafficked in sexism, sizeism and ageism.”

OK, back to my observation.

I’m not sure what is more stupid. Is it the marketing decision to lose this much money, goodwill and customers or to think that most people wanted to look or what make it hugely successful. Do they think that this is more beautiful than Giselle Bünchen in angel wings?

I’m sure there is a small portion of the population who identifies with this and good for them. The problem is it is ruining the beauty that was the draw for the other 98%.

I know this type of display is inclusive or is progressive or something politically correct in the eyes of the PC and SJW police, but I (and see below or read the article above for how many others) still think they are ruining a good thing.

All of this has come together to ruin another concept that has been around since whenever man showed up, women are beautiful. Both males and females think that the fairer sex is a work of beauty. For example, everyone thinks a naked woman is something beautiful to look at. I’m willing to bet that there are a lot more people (even females in beards) that find them better to look at than most men naked. There aren’t that many Chip n Dales guys just walking around. And let’s face it. Other than a few people who can ruin anything by being mean and nasty, almost all women are beautiful in their own way.

If there are 330 million people in the US (a low guess) and throw out the old and the young, you would still have a few hundred million just in the USA who liked the older style catalog and their models a lot more. VS is big all over the world so even the PC people like to look at the real catalog, not the travesty that is this year’s.

I don’t care how many likes they got in social media. Most people go along with the crowd in public and social media is a bunch of pretend anyway.

Get woke go broke they say. I doubt it for VS, but it hasn’t helped the bottom lines of Nickelodeon Channel, Gillette, Coke, the NBA, MLB, NFL and other companies.

It looks like I’m not alone. I’ll put up some links that have something to do with it in whatever way that is interesting.

The Earl of Taint – I wish them luck

Will Rogers On Ingorance

“You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

We all are smart at something (the converse is true about the other things). For that we grant ourselves superiority status that bleeds to other things that aren’t always our best subjects.

That led to the next saying. “Here, hold my beer”. We all know how that turns out.

It’s ok to say you don’t know about something. It ends some conversations based on competing knowledge, some of which could actually be true.

I look at the experts on what is happening in the world and wonder if some of these people have overstepped their boundaries…….Like this one:

Alina Chan, a biologist at the Silver lab at the Harvard School of Medicine

Chan is one of 18 scientists who finally admitted in the journal of Science last month that the Wuhan coronvirus likely originated in a Wuhan, China virology lab.

Chan says liberal scientists lied to the American public for months about their beliefs on the origination of the virus to not be associated with the President who was trying to save lives.

One of the Greatest Meme’s For A Guy

First, you have to know what brrrrttttt is. It is the sound the 30 MM cannon makes from an A-10. If you don’t know the sound or are female and want to know what the big deal is (read, how childish men can be at any age) it is very important to know the sound to actually get the meme.

It will help you understand your man though as this stuff goes through our heads, its only 37 seconds.

For those who know the sound and are a guy, enjoy and I hope you laugh. Get you some.

Sarcasm Tuesday, Green New Deal Cars Hit The Showrooms

I have no dog in this fight except I don’t want it to cost tax dollars for a boondoggle like Solyndra. I’m not sure it’s ready for prime time even with the most fervent people.

Based on this study, 75% of Americans aren’t willing to spend more than $50 right now. The current price tag of the GND is $93 trillion so they haven’t reached a compromise yet. YMMV

Hillbilly Sushi

I wonder if this is going to offend hillbillies? I wonder if that name is a cultural appropriation? What if it is a racist name?

Fear not, I have a strain in my family as southern as turnip greens.

I shake my head as I’m making fun of woke people using hotdogs, and yet I think there might be someone ready to lead a revolution to protect hillbillies now from discrimination. On second thought, nah.

Oh, and Happy Memorial Day.

Mark Twain: Never Argue With Stupid People….Hello Facebook, Twitter and Most of Social media

Also never get in their way when they are losing arguments and taking each other out. I find this on Quora a lot also. I already published Stupid things smart people do, although the title may be wrong about them being smart.

Sports Stars Laying Down On The Job

Two nights ago, LeBron laid on the floor after being breathed on too hard to fake a foul. It’s a well known NBA joke about him laying down on the job like this.

While the following is sarcasm, I’ve seen soccer (Futball) players lay down and no one got near either them or the part they were clutching.

I’ve been beaned by fastballs, decked by a football hit, fought against Blackbelts in Karate, Judo and Ju-Jitsu. You get hurt and get up. Win the right way, not by faking or lying.

These guys are better actors than the Hollywood celebtards who aren’t working very hard either. When we were growing up (listen to the old person here talking like an old person), We got back up after being hit and said nothing. These guys are p*****s.

How To Properly Merge Into Traffic

Traffic 101, The Set Up On What The Battlefield Was

I learned the rules of the road in Miami during the Miami Vice days.

I had a 10 mile commute that took 1 hour because of traffic. There was basically one way from where I lived to where I worked. You could see any number of things on the ride. There were girls putting on make up, men shaving, people having sex (yes, not a typo) and a lot of people getting high on their way to work. Back then, the drugs came through South Florida, not Mexico. It was enjoyed with great gusto at the port of entry.

Getting in and out of traffic was difficult. Miami is just another Borough of New York driving wise. Florida drivers are close to the top of the list of worst in any state. Traffic, short tempers and the same freakin’ commute every damn day made them mean and short fused.

Road rage was way different. Instead of giving the finger and cussing someone out in your car all nice and protected, we saw guns come out a window on the road.

Here is a link to a road rage story in Miami where they are shooting at each other.

How I Learned To Merge

If you read all of the above, you got that there was a lot of drug money and expensive cars. Mine was not. My first lesson was to learn how to play chicken. Most people will finally back off if you are willing to sacrifice your car or make it look like you are.

Sure, like the picture you can go to the end of the line to get in, but what if the opportunity is not there?

—–> HERE IS YOUR BEST PIECE OF ADVICE.

Find the most expensive car in the line and merge on it. They will give way as they have more to lose. Don’t try it if you see them pull a pistol. I always liked Mercedes or Sports Cars. This excludes Ferrari’s because the druggies owned them. I aimed at the Merc’s or other big sedans. They were executives who didn’t want to let you in, but gave up easily.

——> NEXT PIECE OF ADVICE

Don’t make eye contact because you want them to think that you don’t see them, despite the fact that they are guiding a 3000 pound death machine capable of causing pain and damage potentially inches away from you. You might be nice or scared off by people like me if you see them. Conversely, if I didn’t want to let you in, I was willing to win the game of chicken from the other lane.

It’s like asking for forgiveness instead of permission. Just keep going. Pretend you don’t see them and barge in.

—–> A CHEAP MERGE, BUT DOESN’T GET YOU POINTS IN THE MERGE GAME

I’ll mention it because someone will call it out, but merge on the trucks nicely. Be decent about it and give them time to stop. They hate cars doing that and sometimes they can’t stop in time. Catch them on the acceleration because cars always win.

——> A DICK MOVE, BUT EFFECTIVE

You can always come in on a motorcycle, but what’s the sport of that. Coming in on a really expensive car with a person who looks like an asshole is a lot more satisfying.

—–> LADY DRIVER WARNING

Don’t come in if they are putting on makeup in the mirror. They won’t see you and you will sacrifice both cars. This is the one time you need to check first. I am more likely to go in on a female however as they are less aggressive. They can get way funnier when they get mad at you though, so the show sometimes is worth it. They give up too fast though

Living in the South

I don’t live in Miami anymore. I moved to the South. That sounds counter-intuitive but the South begins above Orlando and goes to about Virginia-ish. It mixes with the north from there. The reason I bring that up is that people are nice in the South. They let you in when you want to merge into traffic.

You just look at the other driver, ask with your hand if it’s ok and almost always you get let in. You wave when done and everyone feels good. Sure, it’s not the satisfaction of gaining seconds during a last dash merge, but I’m not in that big of a hurry anymore.

I got so used to letting people in, on a business trip in New York I tried to let someone in. They didn’t trust me so I realized I was supposed to cut them off. Once I did, they almost thanked me. See why people are happier in the south?

My traffic study skills show that staying in a lane can be just as fast as jumping all around. Merging skills are for when you are caught in a lane close and you have to get in. Don’t be a dick and tie up traffic for those few seconds.

Covid Does NOT Change The Men’s Rules For Urinals.

This is so wrong above. The rules are if there is more than two urinals, the second guy goes to the furthest one. You always look straight ahead, but if you have to, you can only look the other guy in the eye.

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DTySK0u2Ws4/maxresdefault.jpg

The second picture is how it is done. It just is.

Fashion, From the Same People Who Thought A Man Bun Looked Good

My daughter had a simple nose piercing before she joined the real world. One day while teaching Sunday School, one of the toddlers asked her why she had a booger on her nose (it was a small diamond). Kids tell the truth. It didn’t look good, but what can a Dad tell a teenage daughter? You guessed it, nothing.

I talked to Doctors who told me this is a petri dish for bacteria. What happens in allergy season when your nose is constantly running? It is disgusting to think about.

Finally, I’m not in the dating pool. If I was, this would be on the list of red flags that would tip me off to not everything is going well upstairs. I don’t care what others do to their bodies as long as it doesn’t affect me. It doesn’t mean that I think it looks good or makes anyone more appealing. That affects me.

I try to protect myself from crazy people. Piercing your nose doesn’t make you crazy. It does give a hint that maybe not everything is working well in the decision part of the brain though.

Caveat: I have readers from countries that this is a tradition and perhaps a religious symbol. I get that it is a part of your life. However, are they are getting it done because they have to or are supposed to. I wonder who would do it if the mental pressure to do so wasn’t there?

I still ask myself how does one think that makes them look better? I move along and say nothing, but so far it hasn’t improved anyone’s appearance that I can tell.

Remember belly button piercings? No one is running out to get those anymore either.

Whatever blows wind up your skirt, Oink.

Origin of the Platypus

It’s funny to me because I’m doing some research for an upcoming book that starts around this time.

Obviously, the wife is an extrovert or they wouldn’t have to get to know other couples, but then there would be no Platypus today.

Beware Of AI, The Robots Always Kill The Humans

2001: A Space Odyssey, Terminator, Aida of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., the robots always want to take over in the end and kill the humans.

See below the meme on stupidity so I can get to the point.

Yes, this woman is an idiot. My robot vacuum is so stupid it doesn’t know where it’s going. I named it Jarvis after Ironman’s AI assistant (Paul Bettany). It is my dearest form of sarcasm. So the vacuum isn’t going to kill me, but that isn’t my point.

The AI in the wrong hands is dangerous though.

For example, what if an AI-bot creates vaccines for diseases by predicting what the next strain will be. What if the next strain is the one that causes humans to shut down all the robots. There you have the premise for how it goes with AI taking over. Kill the humans.

I could bore your with many other examples like using AI to enhance a soldiers armory. It would be controlling your actions, making you more invincible in war. If it sensed a danger that didn’t exist, it could fire up the code to kill everyone in the way and you have created a murderer out of an innocent man. Kill the humans.

Fortunately, I’ve been around AI development. That danger isn’t exactly around the corner yet.

I worked at IBM and knew that Watson was a gimmick. The Chairman told me it was. They are trying to sell it now because it’s usefulness in medicine paled in comparison to it winning Jeopardy. It was a lot of wasted money because they could to sum it up.

Some of the team have moved to Quantum Computing because Watson was a dud.

Microsoft, Google and Facebook are much different and apparently more evil. IBM is too bureaucratic to turn it into a killer robot. However, if you’ve read any of my social media rants, you know that I trust these three companies less than almost anything, except Congress and the media. I will say they are equally evil though. (Another shot for the censors to see if they are watching here). They are the ones that will kill the humans.

Now, imagine if it got into the wrong hands. What could some guys who want to either take over or blow up the world do with that kind of power? Those bastards are evil. At least the robots just went bad.

And there you have it. Like many things we can create, there is always someone hanging around to put it to bad use.

Lord And Lady Douchebag – When SNL Was Clever and Funny

It was the first time the word douchebag was used on TV.

This is where I admit to having the humor of a 12 year old, but this is still funny. The off hand remarks by Lord Salisbury (steak), Lord Remington (shave), the Earl of Sandwich and Parliament being full of douchebags for centuries.

On 4/20 day, this is going to be especially funny to someone.

New Device Aids People To Remember Others Name Upon Meeting

I bet I forget names as quickly as you do. There are memory aids like associating a name with an object or another person to help you, but who remembers that when you are just trying to hear their name the first time?

I gave up trying to dance around the subject and just say I’m getting old or my hearing is going (both likely to be true) and ask them to tell me again. More often than not, they forgot my name also.

Most likely, I just move along and not really care. I find that being nice and waiting to see if they will really enter your life or is it just being cordial determines if I’m going to remember their name.

Either way, it’s a conversation starter, not something for Introverts so it won’t be me unless I just want to ignore everyone.

A New Low In Climate Scares – A Smaller Penis

This is about climate warnings via scaring people, not whether there is global warming or whatever.

The trick to get people to do something is the carrot or stick. This one is kind of both.

I’m used to being told that the statue of liberty will drown or Miami Beach is going under water and rarely pay attention. I think they are just after money and will say almost anything.

Its a new low though when they go to your unit, your family jewels, the python of passion…..uh, stop right there. I think you get what I’m talking about.

Now, your dick is getting shorter or something. Really? If you want me to buy into this, at least make it believable.

Get this……

Erin Brockovich
Thu 18 Mar 2021 21.23 AEDT

The chemicals to blame for our reproductive crisis are found everywhere and in everything

The end of humankind? It may be coming sooner than we think, thanks to hormone-disrupting chemicals that are decimating fertility at an alarming rate around the globe. A new book called Countdown, by Shanna Swan, an environmental and reproductive epidemiologist at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York, finds that sperm counts have dropped almost 60% since 1973. Following the trajectory we are on, Swan’s research suggests sperm counts could reach zero by 2045. Zero. Let that sink in. That would mean no babies. No reproduction. No more humans. Forgive me for asking: why isn’t the UN calling an emergency meeting on this right now?

The chemicals to blame for this crisis are found in everything from plastic containers and food wrapping, to waterproof clothes and fragrances in cleaning products, to soaps and shampoos, to electronics and carpeting. Some of them, called PFAS, are known as “forever chemicals”, because they don’t breakdown in the environment or the human body. They just accumulate and accumulate – doing more and more damage, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Now, it seems, humanity is reaching a breaking point.

…Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/18/toxic-chemicals-health-humanity-erin-brokovich

Choose for yourself if you want to believe it. I’m going to protect my privates.

Rap Lyrics vs. Children’s Books

How did we get here? It seems that someone is against every regular thing we like. The Obama’s had the Cat in the Hat at the White House not long ago. I guess rappers have been there recently also but it’s hard not to notice the difference in the language. Keep your WAP and hop on pop (I don’t think that book got cancelled)

About That Cancel Culture Thingy

I slip in things like China Virus, IRS is big brother and other words just to give the censors something to do. Sooner or later they’ll move the line and you won’t see me for 30 days or whatever the penalty is for using the wrong work or pronoun that I probably couldn’t keep straight.

They can’t ban me on Fake book or Twatter because I fired them first.

Covid/China/Wuhan Mask Update, Rhetorical Questions That Should Be Asked

Yes once again I posted it as China and Wuhan Virus. I am testing the limits of censorship to see what they will do, at the risk of some meaningless banishment. I’m so afraid.

People who don’t wear masks are called mask-holes. I wonder sometimes if it’s not the other way around.

Time To Crank Up The Solar Panels In Texas

A record freeze hit the country

<Sarcasm alert on>

How will they ever pay for their electricity to warm up after all this global warming climate change. Look, I feel for the people suffering as I’ve been there. I want their power restored as quickly as possible. It isn’t the politicians suffering though, or those trying to use this as a reason to change the world.

Updated (1726 ET): Weather forecast models suggest the polar vortex will continue pouring Arctic air into much of the central US through Feb. 20. This means nat gas prices could rise even higher early next week as electricity demand continues to soar over the weekend as Americans crank up their thermostats and watch Netflix shows or mine Bitcoin. 

On Thursday, when we reported that nat gas prices across the plains states had soared to never before seen levels as a result of a brutal polar vortex blast…

I kind of laugh at whatever I can. I also love sarcasm. That John Kerry flew on a private jet with almost 200 other private jets to a climate accord reeks of elitism, mendacity towards the educated public and a serious in your face about something they can’t begin to explain, let alone solve.

The joke here is that no amount of alternate power sources are going to help when 12 states are out of power. Will Kerry fly back to ok the start up of the petroleum power plants?

/<Sarcasm alert off>