Category: humor

Pencil Trick For Girls, Towel (Doughnut) Hanger For Guys

Hanging a towel on your junk is a joke that Jeff Foxworthy made about the side effects of Viagra. I learned about the pencil trick from off color office banter at some point in my working career.

They aren’t fooling me about what they are hanging doughnuts on. It’s below the belt humor.

People do this when they get bored. It is sophomoric, but funny to me as I have a 12 year old’s sense of humor.

Lift up your top, put a pen or pencil under your breast ...

Tax Time, Government Sarcasm

Yes, it was a terrible move, that will continue to have consequences. Putin is using Biden like a piece of toilet paper over the Ukraine. He may not even do anything other than make us look silly (not me). Xi is zeroing in on Taiwan knowing Biden can’t handle a 2 front war and will back down.

Don’t get me started. The level of incompetence in Washington right now is astounding.

The Truth About Selfies

Selfies are Me, me, me. It’s all about me and getting likes.

It’s why introverts have a life advantage, we have no need to show off about what we eat, drink, who we are with and what we do. I’ve noticed that the more intelligent also don’t have the need to be so narcissistic.

On my rare social media posts, it’s usually about my dog.

(Karen) Neil Young, Say’s It’s Him Or Joe Rogan On Spotify, No One Seems To Care

First of all, he sold the rights a few years ago, so he can’t really claim any control or make any demand, dumbass. Second, he’s wrong about Covid and Rogan has scientists and doctors on his podcast who know the actual facts.

He’s just another Karen who gives Canada and celebrities a bad name. Go back home and leave us the hell alone. Canada has some pretty horrible Covid policies so maybe he’d be happier.

It is reported that he has maybe 2.4 million followers total. Rogan gets as many as 50 million per episode, especially when he has a Covid expert on.

None of his music has been very good since he left Crosby, Stills and Nash. No one gives a flying fig.

It’s Karen’s like him that make you dislike people who got famous but should just STFU.

I’ve listened to them both. Rogan is very entertaining. Young’s music isn’t very good (I change the channel and have for decades when he comes on).

I’d be OK if Spotify kicked him off or agreed to let him go. No one would notice.

He got an answer from Spotify:

Spotify to take down Neil Young’s Music from their site.

Still no one cares. He has been a poser his whole life.

My New Favorite Introvert Book

Once you can handle being alone, the rest of life isn’t a problem and you are free from the grips of other people ruining/ruling your life.

I am the president of the being alone club.

Euphemisms For Farting

I posted Euphemisms for stupid a while back and it’s still pretty high on the search list. I was in the shower, where I do some of my best thinking and gathered some of these off the web. I have also posted on how much farts weigh.

No matter who you are, you fart. Most people think it’s funny. Old people don’t care and just let it go whenever. Guys have farting contests and remember the loudest, longest and smelliest ones. Girls say it’s gross in from of others, but let it rip when they are alone.

Everybody thinks it’s funny if someone famous gets caught.

229 best Laughing "Gas" images on Pinterest | Funny stuff ...
Prince Phillip ripping one in front of the Royals

It’s still a Covid test. If you can smell it, you don’t have Covid.

Enjoy

Air bagel

Air biscuit

Airbrush the boxers

Air tulip

Anal acoustics

Anal ‘ahem’

Anal audio

Anal exhale

Anal salute

Anal volcano

Anus applause

Answering the call of the wild burrito

back blast

Back draft

Back-end blowout

Backdoor breeze

Backdoor sneeze

Backfire

Bake an air biscuit

Baking brownies

Bark

Barking spider

Barn burner

Bean blower

Beef

Beefer

Beep your horn

Belch from behind

Belching clown

Benchwarmer

Better open a window

Blast

Blast the chair

Blat

Blow mud

Blow the big brown horn

Blue dart

Blurp

Blurt

Bomber

Boom-boom

Booty bomb

Booty cough

Bottom blast

Bottom burp

Booty belch

Break the sound barrier

Break wind

Breath of fresh air

Brown cloud

Brown dart

Brown haze

Brown horn brass band

Brown thunder

Bubbler

Bull snort

BUMsen burner

Bun shaker

Bung blast

Burning rubber

Burner

Burp out the wrong end

Bust ass

Buster

Butt bazooka

Butt bleat

Butt bongos

Butt burp

Butt cheek screech

Butt dumpling

Butt percussion

Butt sneeze

Butt trauma

Butt trumpet

Butt tuba

Butt wind

Butt yodeling

Buttock bassoon

Chair air

Cheek flapper

Cheek squeak

Cheeser

Cheesin’

Colon bowlin’

Colonic Calliope

Crack a rat

Crack concert

Crack one off

Crack splitters

Crap call

Crop dusting

Crowd killer

Cut a stinker

Cut one

Cut the cheese

Death breath

Deflating

Doing the one cheek sneak

Doing the two cheek sneak

Drifter

Drop a bomb

Droppin’ stink bombs

Duck call

Eggy

Emptying the tank

Exhume the dinner corpse

Exploding bottom

Exterminator

False pooper

Fanny beep

Fanny frog

Fart (of course)

Fecal fume

Fire a Stink torpedo

Fire in the hole

Firing the retro rocket

Fizzler

Flame thrower

Flamer

Flapper

Flatulate

Flatulence

Flatus

Flipper

Float an air biscuit

Floater

Floof

Fluffer

Fluffy

Fogger

Fog horn

Fog slicer

Fowl howl

Fragrant foof

Free jacuzzi

Freep

Free speech

Frump

Fumigating

Funky roller

Gas

Gas attack

Gas blaster

Gas master

Get out and walk Donald

Ghost turd

Gluteal maximus gas a mess

Gluteal tuba

Great brown cloud

Grundle rumble

Grunt

Gurgler

Heinie hiccup

Heinous Anus

Hisser

Hole flapper

Honk

Honker

Horton hears a poo

Hot wind

Hottie

Human hydrogen bomb

HUMrrhoids

Ignition

Insane in the methane

Inverted burb

Jet power

Jet propulsion

Jockey burner

Just calling your name

Just keeping warm

Kaboomer

Killing the canary

Lay an egg

Lean mean bean machine

Let each bean be heard

Let one fly

Let one go

Let one rip

Let the beans out

Lethal cloud

Let Polly out of jail

Make a stink

Mating call

Methane bomb

Methane dart

Methane mating call

Methane pain

Mexican (food) jet propulsion

Moon gas

Mouse on a motorcycle

Mud duck

Nasty cough

Nose death

Odor bubble

Odorama

One-gun salute

One-man band

One-man brass band

One-man salute

Orchestra practice

O-ring oboe

Painting the elevator

Paint peeler

Paint stainer

Panty burp

Parp

Parper

Party in your pants

Pass gas

Pass wind

Peter

Pewie

Pip

Playing the tuba

Playing the trouser tuba

Poof

Poof-poof

Poop gas

Poop gopher

Poot

Pootsa

Pop

Pop a fluffy

Pop tart

Power puff

Puffer

Puff the Magic Dragon

Putt-putt

Quack

Quaker

Raspberry

Rattler

Rebuilding the ozone layer

Rectal honk

Rectal shout

Rectal tremor

Rectal turbulence

Release a squeaker

Release the hounds

Rip one

Ripped the cheese

Ripper

Ripple

Roar from the rear

Roast the jockeys

Room clearer

Rump ripper

Rump roar

Saluting my shorts

Scud missle

Shoot the cannon

Silent and scentless

Silent but deadly

Silly cyanide

Singe the pants/chair/etc

Skunk bait

Slider

Sphincter siren

Sphincter song

Sphincter whistle

Spitter

Split the seam

Squeaker

Squeak one out

Stale wind

Steam-press your pants

Steamer

Step on a duck

Step on a frog

Stink bomb

Stink burger

Stink it up

Stinker

Stinky

Stinkmeaner

Tail wind

Taint tickle

Thunder from down under

Thurp

Toilet tune

Toot

Toot your own horn

Tootsie

Trouser cough

Trouser trumpet

Trunk bunk

Turd tremors

Turtle burp

Tushy tickler

Uncorked one

Uncorking

Under burp

Under thunder

Venting

Vent one

Wallop

Whiff

Whoopee

Whopper

Zinger

These came from Farthub

17 Gunshots Fired In Mount Airy (Mayberry) Carjacking. I Guess It Wasn’t Barney Fife Who Only Ever Had 1 Bullet

Sheriff Andy only let Barney had one bullet because he was a nincompoop. While Mayberry is a fictional town, it actually is Mount Airy NC.

Now this:

MOUNT AIRY – A teenage suspect was badly injured in a shootout when police say he and another suspect attempted to carjack a driver in Mount Airy who was legally armed with his own weapon. 

Philadelphia Police Chief Inspector Scott Small told reporters that a 60-year-old man was getting out of his car on the 6500 block of Cherokee Street just after 8 p.m. when he was approached by two young carjackers. 

One of the suspects demanded the man’s key and pointed a gun at his face, according to police. The man then pulled out his own gun and a shootout occurred that included nearly 17 gunshots being fired.

The carjackers fled, but the man told responding officers from the Philadelphia Police Department that he had shot the armed carjacker.

More here

2022, The Year We Were Supposed To Have Flying Cars and When George Jetson Was Born

Instead, we have:

Back to the Future - Imgflip

And this:

1955 IBET IN THE FUTURE THEY WILL HAVE FLYING CARS 2018 ...

Or this:

25+ Best Memes About Flying | Flying Memes

I’m amazed at the stupid we’ve become because of social media, the woke and the tripe that TPTB want us to believe. Oh yes, and those who actually believe the nonsense that is coming out of places like Washington DC and Davos.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who sees through this shit.

The Truth About Old People

You also don’t give a shit so you say what needs saying. I stopped caring whether people liked me a long time ago. If they don’t, it’s one less person to have to worry about. I can do it while being polite too, so it’s not an asshole thing.

Not caring what people think, another of my super powers.

Saturday Mood, Don’t Forget World Introvert Day Is Tomorrow

So I dedicated this to our current government, Fauci, the Jab, the CCP, MSM, celebtards, sportstards, freeloaders who could be working, social media and those trying to control the narrative on things like Covid, Election Fraud, race hustlers, mail in ballots and a lot of other 2021 crap.

There, did I cover everything? I think not but I’ll get to it in 2022.

Oh, and Epstein didn’t hang himself and neither will Ghislaine Maxwell.

Happy New Year

Dangerous Men Who Won’t Be Woke

I’m not in the dating scene, but I learned early not to put up with any shit. When it got too thick, I was moving on. The field just thins itself for those who have the slightest bit of common sense these days.

Moral of the story, don’t go with popular group think. Be your own man (for real men).

I’m sure this works both ways because I’ve seen enough woke dudes who are perfect for real women not to select. I can’t speak for them because the real women speak for themselves.

The rest can lose together by being woke.

Another One, Memes, and 🤖: way I prefer my men non liberal. I've already got a pussy, I don't need another one. Get em Kayla.

Yes, A Lot Of People Are Stupid

Don’t get me started on Covidiots, politics, the Media, Social Media, celebtards, sportstards…..it’s where stupid seems to live.

3 Menopause Skincare Do’s and Don’ts….And Then I Realized This Is What It Said.

I glanced at this without much thought…

By 2025, there will be over 1 billion women experiencing menopause in the world, which will be 12% of the entire world population. Most women hit menopause by their 50s. However, changes in the body start to appear earlier than you might think, often many years before a woman officially hits menopause. This time in a woman’s life can bring bothersome and debilitating symptoms which can significantly affect a woman’s health and daily routines….

It goes on with the article.

AND THEN IT HIT ME

There are 1 billion women experiencing menopause in the world. I got scared and pulled the covers over my head for the day.

I also realize why Al Gore was wrong on global warming.

See, I told you if you hung around long enough someone would get offended….

All Fishermen Lie, Except Me

I fished competitively for a while. Even the fishing shows will tell you to hold your catch closer to the camera to make it look bigger.

If you are the only one there, no one can prove that it wasn’t a pound or two heavier, or an inch or foot shorter.

I’m sure I never exaggerated about my catch……ever.

Saturday Introvert

I feel this way a lot of the time, not just Saturday. I hadn’t thought about doing the cough one, but I am now if someone doesn’t social distance or I can’t avoid them.

There are a lot of conversations I don’t start. As soon as I leave the house it’s on.

And this next one, I have way more conversations in my head than with others, even though it is about them. Just like the one above, it’s not worth it to talk to them, but way worth it to talk about them to me.

It’s why I don’t go to high school or college reunions. The people who are my friends and that I want to talk with, I do. If I don’t, this is the reason.

How I end 90% of my conversations, usually with one word…right, fine, good, ok.

When I give up trying because the other person just isn’t worth it (or all of my ex’s, I just wish I’d learned it in college).

Another Covid Death – Sarcasm

Seriously, when the facts are uncovered, like in Italy, we’re going to find out that Covid was far less deadly than the jab and a lot of people are going to be pissed at Fauci, the Government, the CCP for letting it loose and themselves for buying into the BS that has gone on for far too long.

At some point, they can’t suppress the facts of what is really going on, like a power play.

Blogs I Follow – Busted Knuckles

I’m not sure how I found Phil at Busted Knuckles. It may have been through the Feral Irishman or Knuckledraggin’ My Life Away. It may have been a link from someone pointing out his site. When he was changing platforms, a lot of blogs I follow pointed to the new URL to help him out. He’s a popular guy.

It doesn’t matter because it’s near the top of the list of blogs I look at in the morning. His mornings are a lot funnier than mine with his morning coffee and smokes, and really tough work hours.

It took me a while to figure out what he did, but I think he is a mechanic. A lot of his blog stuff doesn’t concern it other than going to work and them trying to screw him out of a job because of the jab. I am following closely to hope he beats the system and gets to keep working. He looks like a pretty talented worker and would be valuable to whoever picks him up.

What is great is that his tool collection/stuffed garage and how he can fix damn near everything is intriguing. His followers send him old tools that they don’t use, but he knows exactly how to use them/fix them if they are broken and tells tales about how he has used them on a job. No matter how much I bitch, no one sends me anything like that.

I find his car project, a Sprite to be funny also. He’s put months or years into fixing it and every drive is an adventure as to if it will make it home or where it’s gone. I saw him threaten to sell it after owning in as a project for years. I’ve been a car guy forever and love these stories.

Back to the Vaxx, he has done his homework on what it can do to you and I agree with his position many hundreds of percent. It is surprising given that he lives near Portland. That has become a hellhole (I had a daughter who lived there) and not known for people educated like him.

I’ll give him this, he is very generous with helping others, especially his family and I don’t know if they appreciate it enough.

Anyway, head on over and enjoy like I do.

In honor of him, I’ll end it like he does a lot, BFYTW.

Definition Of Woke

Just like a person driving down the street with their seat belt outside the door sparking on the road. It signals, I’m stupid as hell, stupid as hell, stupid as hell.

I wish these people would grow up and get a life so they would stop ruining others.

I put in the about section recently that sooner or later you will get offended if you read my stuff long enough. I can eliminate the woke if there are any left.

Anti-Social Device

I’ve enjoyed social distancing. It allows me to keep people away that I don’t want to talk to. I can see it coming a mile away and with Covid I can pull away, claiming the 6 foot “health” distance.

I can’t stand it when people get in your face and won’t take the social hint that I want to be done. I try not to be rude, but some people have to be stopped. This is perfect. Some people won’t take no for an answer. This is the perfect no.

As usual, I probably shouldn’t be allowed to have one as I would use it too often. I’d probably burn it out from overuse.

Headline Of The Day – Man’s penis rots after being bitten by snake while sitting on toilet in South Africa

From The New York Post

A Dutch man had to undergo reconstructive surgery on his penis after a cobra bit his manhood during a safari trip in South Africa — causing it to rot.

The 47-year-old victim suffered scrotal necrosis after the cold-blooded serpent, which was lurking in the toilet bowl, attacked, according to Urology Case Reports.

In what the medical journal described as the first case of “snouted cobra envenomation of the genitals,” the unidentified man had to wait three hours before he was flown by helicopter to the nearest trauma center some 220 miles away.

“His penis and scrotum were noted to be swollen, deep purple in color, and painful on hospital admission. Scrotal necrosis was diagnosed, and he received multiple doses of a non-specific snake venom antiserum and broad-spectrum antibiotics,” according to the medical report.

The man reported vomiting and a burning sensation as well as pain that shot up from his groin into the abdomen and upper chest – though he developed no neurological symptoms during the ordeal.

He required hemodialysis due to acute kidney injury before undergoing reconstructive surgery.

see also

Cobra.

Indian man gets life sentence for killing wife with cobra

“The scrotal necrosis was reported to involve the entire fascia (skin to internal spermatic) and was excised with extensive margins. Primary closure was performed, leaving a drain in situ,” Urology Case Reports said.

“The defect in the penile shaft was treated by superficial debridement and a vacuum assisted closure pump. After 9 days, the patient was repatriated to the Netherlands,” it added.

A plastic surgeon later performed a “penile shaft debridement, with extensive resection of dead tissue extending into the corpus spongiosum to the fold of the preputium.” A graft from the groin was then placed over the penis and he has made a full recovery.

Necrosis – or necrotizing fasciitis, commonly referred to as the “flesh-eating disease” — is a potentially deadly condition caused by bacteria infecting tissue. The condition, which spreads quickly, requires immediate treatment with intravenous antibiotics.

Why My Generation Isn’t Easily Offended

Or This:

Andrew Dice Clay: The Diceman Cometh -- Opener - YouTube

Or This:

Eddie Murphy Delirious DVD Release Date

In these skits are just about everything that the cancel culture is against. My friends and I still talk in code from the album, “Is it Something I said?”

These are some of the funniest skits and talents there have been. Too bad the snowflakes won’t be able to appreciate it.

Here’s one final shot at childish and sophomoric, yet humorous comedy:

Beavis and Butt-Head Do Portugal. The Man Concert Opener

I leave you with this. Who knows what, “yeah, and it’s deep too” means?

Sayings By Socrates – On Smart and Stupid People

It’s why I don’t bother even continuing the conversation with some people who want to challenge me just to prove they are right.

It just gives me another reason not to talk to people if I don’t have to. I love talking to the smart ones about deep topics, but there aren’t that many around.

Why Men Don’t Make Good Women – Sarcasm Style

If we had boobs, we’d spend all the time playing with them. If we were together, we’d use them as squirt guns and shoot milk at each other.

I read that only a heart attack or passing a kidney stone is as painful as giving birth. That means there would be only one generation and the population would end because we wouldn’t do it.

Scenes At The Farmers Market

I like getting food from the local suppliers. It’s always fresher and taste better than from the commercial store.

Up where I am is a hippie type college town. I see a lot of people that are different than the usual man on the street. I’m ok with it as the food will be natural, meat will be grass fed and non GMO and the produce picked the day before. I keep to myself as usual.

Of course this week was the Halloween theme. It wasn’t too crazy, but I thought I’d share some pictures rather than my usual sarcasm. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that. Note, this is one of the few times that I’ll share pictures of myself. It’s a big step for an introvert who shy’s away from social media.

Anyway, here it is.

She said to say I met this witch at the farmers market.

2700 Year Old Toilet Found, I Guess They Had Better Aim Back Then

I don’t know what the scale is, but it’s less than the bowls we have now days.

Story Excerpt:

A rare private toilet, part of an ancient royal estate from the 7th century BCE discovered on the Armon Hanatziv promenade in Jerusalem, is to be presented to the public tomorrow.

The toilet cubicle was uncovered in a dig by the Israel Antiquities Authority and the City of David, about two years ago, in the remains of a magnificent building which overlooked the City of David and the Temple Mount.

The cubicle was hewn as a rectangular-shaped cabin, with a carved toilet, which stood over a deep-hewn septic tank. Made of limestone, the toilet is designed for comfortable sitting, with a hole in the center.

It must be the men’s room. There looks like it had a place to rest your boys without them getting smashed.

On Turning The Clocks Back Soon

I’m smart enough to never have listened to a song by her (that I’m aware of). The drugs affected John and her by then and there wasn’t much to listen to. He was better with the Beatles. She was never good.

It doesn’t affect me as much anymore because my age gets me up whenever it feels like it. I (for the most part) don’t have to get up for anything. I agreed with my golfing partner not to get up too early for a tee time next round. Not being rushed is a great thing at this point in life.

I don’t miss early meetings, e-mail road rage or having to get the kids ready for school. That is for young people.

Here is a guide on how to set each of your devices for DST. You’ve been warned if you click on it. You’ll get another dose of sarcasm.

Covid Sarcasm – I Went To A Super Spreader Event Last Night

I was at the App State v Coastal Carolina game, probably the game of the week. There were over 31,000 super spreaders that Fauci warned us about.

I’ll report back if there is an outbreak here, but I doubt it. There have been games everywhere since August with little to no outbreaks or breakthroughs.

I guarantee you that there were both vaxxed and un-vaxxed at the game last night. Both have an equal chance at getting it like every other game we were told not to go to.

The game was won on the last play and the 14th ranked team went down in flames. The crowd spilled onto the field, certainly spreading Covid everywhere. Ha!

A good time was had by all, except Fauci, the CDC, NIH, WHO, Congress and Washington DC.

South Florida In One Gif

While I’m being sarcastic…..

When I lived there, this was the story almost every week. It was usually an 80+ year old grandmother who didn’t know how it happened. It got to where we weren’t even surprised, rather we’d just say, “well, there goes another one”.

They are the same drivers who get into the fast lane and go 5 MPH below the speed limit and don’t move. My friend called them nesters because they’d nest in the fast lane.

Blogs I Follow – Grouchy Old Cripple

Update: I’ll leave this post here because Denny was a fellow blogger. He passed away and this site no longer exists. We’ll miss him.

It’s tough to stick your neck out in today’s cancel culture. It’s why I read who I read.

Denny, the author at GOC does just this. He isn’t afraid to call out the truth and say what is going on the way it should be said. If you are offended easily, don’t go there (actually please do for my entertainment). If you are PC or a SJW, you will be offended. You probably deserve it.

He is a clever writer (something I admire) and has a way with words. He breaks from stoic grammar with words that don’t exist like yannow (hope I spelled it right).

I started following him when he was pointed out by a lot of other blogs I read. I thought the name of his blog was funny as hell and so was his banter.

One of my favorites is AOTW (asshole of the week). I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed with him.

I discovered that he also suffered through working at IBM. He routinely roasts them with the truth about diversity, wokeness and other crap that is ruining a once great place. Since we worked about the same time there, albeit in different divisions, I can relate to what he says.

We texted through comments this week and he hammered them appropriately. I felt a kindred spirit. I was glad to find out I wasn’t alone and that I am glad I left when I did.

Captain Kirk Finally Gets to Go Into Real Space, The Final Frontier – But May Return Alone Or The Only One Alive

This morning, William Shatner will ride aboard Blue Origin at 90 years of age to be the oldest person ever in space. He missed being the first actor in space by a week as the Russians did that to shoot a movie.

Anyone who knows Star Trek fully gets that the red shirts are the ones who get it on away missions.

He isn’t the first Star Trek Alumni to go to space, just the first one that is alive. Some ashes of Scottie and Gene Roddenbery were sent up a few years back.

There is always the Who is the best Star Trek captain or best series. I am in the TOS camp. The rest use the TOS playbook, but with less daring, panache, creativeness and conquest. For Picard, Sisko, Janeway and Archer fans, they wouldn’t be Captains in the running if there wasn’t a Kirk, end of story.

Even in the movies, the best one is always the Wrath of Khan. It has the best villain, ironic ending and mano a mano story.

I have been a huge Trekkie all of my life. I was alive and watched it during it’s actual first run. When Chekov discovered the Botany Bay on Ceti-Alpha 5, I had goose bumps in the Theater.

The only thing that bothers me about this is that the Enterprise NCC-1701 was a cool ship. Blue Origin looks like a flying dick.

Anyway, live long and prosper.

Blue Origin Employees Accuse Jeff Bezos' Company of ...

My Personal War On Woke Now Includes My Sarcastic Profile On LinkedIn

Update: I just put that woke pronouns are silly. I’ll keep finding new ways to needle them for being woke.

I was very early to LinkedIn, as I was to blogging, Twitter, Facebook and others.

When I got fed up with them going woke or being so biased that I didn’t trust them, I de-platformed Twitter and Facebook.

Recently, LinkedIn stopped allowing revenue to anyone who is in their words a climate change denier. I worked in the Green and Sustainability Industry long enough to learn these things about climate and politics.

  1. At the top, it is about money and power, not saving the planet.
  2. The people that believe it treat it as their religion. The ones I’ve met are the real science deniers. This just confirmed it.
  3. You can’t change the weather, it comes in cycles.
  4. Bonus: They are hiding the past where the weather was the same as it is now. It’s a version of 1984 Newspeak.
  5. Double Bonus: It is based on predictions that never come true, they just predict another one.
  6. Triple Bonus: when they debunk the current cause of global warming, they change it as they do the name (note I used the first name of this nonsense).
  7. Quadruple Bonus: Carbon Dioxide is plant food. It’s why they plant trees for an offset.
  8. Quintuple Bonus: Almost everyone likes warmer weather and farmers grow more.
  9. Not a Bonus: As with LinkedIn, when they don’t agree or lose the argument, they try to shut down the discussion and facts. I expect to lose readers at this point and doubt they’ll read any further, missing the point of the post.
  10. Also not a Bonus: It is an excuse for everything from racism to global cooling.

“If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.” – Bertrand Russell

As soon as there is a problem, they change their tune and are now burning coal in China and Europe.

My pronouns went from woke pronouns are silly, to ho/hum and finally they/lied, just like Al Gore and Fauci, care of Elon.

So, when I heard that LinkedIn banished one side of the conversation on anything, I changed my profile to poke fun at them. Here are some of the changes.

My education is now Faber -Knowledge is Good. I put my fraternity as Delta Tau Chi. If you don’t get this reference, you missed one of the all time funniest movies. It was also a stab at my real college that went woke. I won’t even mention them here because I banished them too. I’ve recently changed it to Sigma Epsilon Chi, Eta Pi chapter. That’s SEX fraternity, one I made up in college.

I changed my current Job to writing a sarcastic blog and not finishing several books. This is actually true. I was in their Associates Program which is for freelancers, but I’m blowing them off now.

The rest of my work life is true for now, but I don’t give enough of a tinkers damn to take LinkedIn serious now, so I’m having fun where I can.

I now want to freelance the boil of wokeness that is on the ass of regular people by elites who think they know better.

I decided I didn’t care that much about them to take them seriously. Besides, I retired because I hate the corporate nonsense. See here, here and here for the above stated wankers.

You got the bonus plan:

12 other woke companies to avoid

Blog Post That You Can Smell

I had a bunch of these as a kid. When I didn’t have a gun, we used to hit the caps with a hammer. We got brave and hit the whole roll at once for a bigger bang.

I am not sorry they didn’t have video games when I was a kid. I can smell the gunpowder as I type this. I discovered a lot of things because of boredom and curiosity in life.

It’s Not Friday, Three horrible Facts, And a Silver Lining

Three Horrible Facts 1 Today Is Not Friday 2 Tomorrow Is ...

But, I’m retired so everyday is Saturday for me. I don’t have deadlines or conference calls or personnel issues today. Man I don’t miss work.

I don’t miss Facebook that went down yesterday. I didn’t even know it until I read about it. I’m glad to have that ball and chain out of my life also.

I have a brother-in-Law who is retired not by choice, but defined his life by his job. He doesn’t know what to do. I feel sorry for him. Life is much greater than your job.

For now, I’ll pet my dog and enjoy what comes next.

Blogs I Follow – Knuckledraggin’ My Life Away

I decided to break from Covid vaccine bashing (I’ll be back, don’t worry) and give some shout outs to those who deserve it.

Ken the wirecutter writes this blog. You should go over there and donate because I think that is how he makes a living.

Why do I like it? I first started when I found your Florida report for the day. I’m originally from there and it is so true. I didn’t realize how many idiots were there until he pointed it out.

I like that he doesn’t care about offending anyone. One of his regular posts is shit I post on Facebook. I think it’s great that he tries to get banned. If you’ve read much of my blog, you already know how much I loathe fake book and happily got rid of my account. That he ties up their time to review the hilarious stuff he posts there kills me.

There are posts like, roast me, fucking Mondays, Friday gif dump and I’m sure she’s taken men that I look forward to. I went through the loss of his 2 dogs and now he’s left with Jack the asshole dog that found him with a broken tail.

His sarcasm, wit and creativeness is a breath of fresh air for me and I hope it is for you.

I linked to him in the posts that I follow and hope he links back as his audience is big. He also is in cahoots with other blogs I’m going to call out.

Keep it up Ken. I love your stuff.

And Now You Know Stuff …. Like Who’s the Asshole, Blue Whales, Why 6 feet for Social Distancing and Karen’s

As Elmore Leonard put it, “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”

My Childhood Was Awesome, Part 2

I played endless paper football between and before class in middle school. We had benches and tables that were perfect.

I could kick the way the picture is above and from one of the sides (where the fold is)

I could make a paper football today, after not making one for decades because I’ve made so many.

It was real life video games for us back then.

I also pitched quarters, but I hated losing money, why gambling was never one of my vices.

Introverts and Covid, An Interesting Match

Yes, I’ve used it. It’s gotten me out of a lot of things I didn’t have to make up an excuse to not go, or to just disappoint others by saying no.

Cheap, but effective.

Apparently, The Era Of Fake Boobs Is Over

Image

I see this as a good thing. Store bought boobs never really looked that great. You can always tell, clothed or not. They even feel wrong.

Here’s the deal. Everyone, especially straight guys will look at any boobs. If there is about to be a fight and some girl takes off her top, the fight stops.

In reality, girls tell me they dress up for other girls. Guys don’t care that much. There is a joke that we’d be happier if you showed up naked with a 6 pack. We’re just happy to have some boobs around.

I’ve talked to girls about them and even they like boobs. They may judge each other and must have some reason like insecurity or to show off to get augmented, but that is a personal decision.

I am happy for those who get re-construction after a mastectomy, but that is not what store bought fake boobs when you have perfectly good ones is about.

Finally, here are songs that tells you we like them no matter what shape, size or age they are.

The Truth About Woke

I’ve been tired of this since it started. I’ll bet I’m not alone.

These self-entitled ‘tards have ruined enough. I’m not going to stand for it anymore.

I’m torn between ignoring them because it is so stupid and stopping their push to ruin everyone’s life with their nonsense. It’s hard to believe they think they are right and it matters.

I realize there is no telling someone that won’t live in reality anything. They’ll have to wake up one day to realize how wrong they are about life.

Please stop ruining mine and take it somewhere else, anywhere but the USA.

Vegan Humor, All You Need Now Is Bacon

I have nothing against them, except they always tell you they are vegan. I feel sorry that they don’t get to enjoy the bacon cheeseburger that I’m having tonight.

Oh, I won’t be telling anyone I’m not vegan. They don’t want to know that either.

How Men Working Signs Should Actually Read

I always try to count how many are actually working.

I try to thank the sign workers who let the traffic flow when there is only one lane for both sides. They take a beating for holding up traffic, but it isn’t their fault.

When I worked in construction growing up, the lowest guy got the worst jobs. It’s an unwritten rule.

Random Funny Thoughts

I had amnesia once — or twice.

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Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

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I am neither for nor against apathy.

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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

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If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

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What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

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They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.

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My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.

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The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

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How can there be self-help groups

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

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Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Sounding – A Terrible New Internet Trend (sticking things in your dick)

First they ate a spoon of cinnamon. Then, they were snorting rubbers (It’s on YouTube, I didn’t want to have to see it again).

Now there is sounding. It’s sticking something in your dick to see how far you can do it.

To no one’s surprise, the participants are going to the hospital and are being injured, like this boy who stuck a USB cable so far down that he couldn’t get it out.

A U.K. teen had to undergo emergency surgery after a bananas attempt to measure his manhood resulted in him getting a USB cable lodged in his urethra.

The phallic fiasco reportedly began after an unnamed 15-year-old boy was “triggered by sexual curiosity” and inserted a USB wire into his urethra, per a wince-worthy study published in the medical journal Urology Case Reports.

The sexperiment backfired when the cable became lodged in the curious teen’s scrotum like an electronic catheter. Despite attempts to extract it himself, the USB cord became tangled so terribly that both ends were left hanging out of his wired willy.

Play with it, use it to pee and the other stuff it was made for, but don’t stick anything in it. It is your best personal friend for men and a play toy for females.

Why I Don’t Argue On Line Anymore

I’ve written about Internet Road Rage and Stupid Things Smart People do. It’s also why I stay away from a lot of social media. My life is a lot happier that way. Also, I don’t have to worry about my body image that Zuckerberg lied about yesterday.