Me when we have company, or when I have to go somewhere. Where is the escape hatch.
Here’s how I deal with small talk
And unfortunately, how my mind beats me up for good and bad memories. The good never seems to make as much of an impression as the bad.
If I can’t get out of going to a social event (forget parties), this is my next best option.
I’ve done it on dates also.
I hit on a girl in one of my classes in college because she was kind of cute and noticeably large casaba’s. To this day, it was the most boring date of my life. I thought she didn’t like me, but I found out she was just uninteresting. We went to dinner where I thought we could at least talk about the class we just finished.
She appeared in the school magazine 40 years later doing turtle research and guess what? She never got married. Others must have found out what I did.
I didn’t take her for being a switch hitter, so she just didn’t try. I can’t even call her an introvert as I saw her talk in class for a whole semester.
I didn’t have a hard time carrying on back then as those were my drinking years. I tried to keep it going and had other plans (dancing I believe) later that night but took her home. It was going nowhere and I was tired of trying. I dated a lot and was in my prime so a lot of others at least did their part in trying to keep it going.
After going home, I went out with my friends to a bar later to brag that I got out of one of the worst dates of my life.
Now, I don’t drink anymore and I get out of banal socializing as often as I can before it happens. I like this method best.
By chance I have to go, I know where the bathroom is and play with the pets.
Still, leaving is usually my favorite part of going to these.
A close second is not talking, or on the phone.
I’m way happier when plans cancel than when they are made. It seems my social batter starts draining the minute I have to make them.
I get a turbo boost if they get cancelled and I get the time back.
It’s getting to where you don’t have to talk much on the phone. I’ve got 3 spam blockers so I don’t even have to suffer through that anymore.
Still, if you have to make the call, leaving a message is the best outcome.
May we celebrate together, but alone and separately. Talk to you tomorrow because I’m not talking today.
It’s my favorite holiday after just suffering through Christmas and New Years. I can be alone today. Somewhere out there (although probably quiet) my fellow souls finally have some joy. It’s doubtful others will hear about it as we don’t boast, and other times you can’t get a word in edge wise for all the yapping.
I know and so do others.
PS, I’m not an INFJ.
This next one is me. I’m always in the back, next to the door so I can leave if I need to escape or panic
See me for more help.
(hat tip woosterman)
I may not say it (all the time) out loud, but you can bet I say it in my head.
I don’t really have social anxiety, I just don’t want to small talk and waste time. Hello is a perfectly good conversation.
I’ve seen people I like at the store and still went either to the next aisle, the other side of the store or just out. I’m not there to talk. I usually have music going in my ears anyway.
If I actually wanted to talk, I or the other person would have already texted.
The worst is chatty girls who talk to you like you were their girlfriend. If you understood men, you wouldn’t do this. We’d appreciate that more that a lot of things.
This is the opposite of a hall meeting at work. I didn’t always avoid them as you could get done in 5 minutes what normally took an hour out of your day. It’s the lesser of 2 evil’s if you have to see someone. Do it for the minimal time possible. I didn’t want to see them either, but this kept it to a minimum.
Sometimes I like them and just can’t stand to be around them. It’s the way it is. People I don’t speak with don’t think about this, but here is the answer in case you stumble on this post.
No one is exempt, past friends, relatives, schools, you name it. If we were friends, we would be and you’d know it. I won’t say anything or be mean, I just won’t spend time pretending on social banter because everyone is supposed to.
I was reading a few years back and saw this gem. It was around Christmas time of year and I was fatiguing from the festivities.
For me, that is one of the worst times of the year. The fake happy from people who’s true nature I know is difficult to take. I see it anywhere I go
As I thought about it, I realized that it is so true. It’s really why I don’t go to many social events, especially Christmas parties.
I got tired of pretending to be social and/or having a good time, all they while wishing I could leave. Hell, I usually plan leaving before I go.
Most socials are like fakebook posts. Tell as much as you can about yourself to get likes.
Conversation should be about asking others about them and what is important that they would like to talk about. What I watch is people waiting for a response so that they can talk again. I don’t even try and a lot of time. I’ll just see how long people will talk about themselves and see if I can not say anything. They rarely notice. I won’t offer any information unless I think someone truly cares, but that’s only if I had to go and I’ve already got my exit plan in place.
Being an introvert, I get along well with pets, especially dogs, and surprisingly little kids.
The kids thing is they haven’t been ruined by adults yet, and are sort of like pets.
It’s people I have the most trouble with. Most of that trouble is just not wanting to be around them or small talk if I don’t have to.
Pets are great and we understand each other.
I start planning my escape the minute I hear that I can’t get out of an event. I just want to minimize the pain of small talk and social crap. This even if I like the people.
It has nothing to do with Covid. My social energy battery starts draining as soon as I hear I have to go.
I can spend endless time however one on one with someone that I can have a deep conversation with, or a dog.
There are a lot of jokes about extroverts adopting introverts and so forth, but the answer on really how to get to know one is less obvious to the world. It is clear as a bright sunshine day to introverts.
I know I have little patience for small talk. I don’t want to hear about surface level nonsense that is mostly irrelevant. It becomes a Facebook discussion on saying anything you can to get the most likes in the conversation.
That is a social rule that was written by extroverts because they are louder and dominate the discussions. When the yapping starts, I watch the introverts shutting down. It is mentally draining. It takes me days to recover from having to listen to this.
I’d rather just not talk and I don’t go to a lot of things just to not to have to hear it. I like the people, but the energy draining isn’t worth it.
On the other hand, if you want to talk about something meaningful, watch me open up. We don’t have to talk about derivative equations, but cut the shit and meaningless banter. I have a great depth of knowledge on many subjects and enjoy the conversation that is intellectually stimulating.
Fortunately, I am not bound by whether someone likes me for what I say or comply to. There are a lot of times I’m grateful that someone thinks I may be anti-social because I don’t want to listen to gossip. It’s usually a hate fest anyway.
I had an oncologist tell me that girls will tell other girls how good they look when it is awful, just so they will wear it and look bad. How effed up is that? They hate each other and I don’t want to hear about it.
So get to know me. That is two fold. Don’t gossip or try to keep the conversation going for the sake of talking. The other is try to go below the surface and show that you have thoughts about something sincere, really anything. Try pets for example. How tough is that?
I’ll do my part and even put up with the introductory small talk to get to know you, but if it doesn’t go past that very soon and you start repeating the same thing, or if it’s just trashing someone else, I’m out.
I develop Mauerbauertraurigheit (definition and discussion here) quickly and am gone.
I’m busy researching something else to write about the Covid Jab ingredients and why they created the formula a certain way, so I’m somewhat apathetic about being clever today. Enjoy this one for now.
I will say this is how I feel about small talk though. Introverts will get that.
I have to talk to someone from my past soon. I hope to clear the BS out of the way and have an actual conversation, but it will depend on them. Otherwise, I’m shutting it down and giving them best wishes, also known as I’ll let you go now.
“The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.” – Henry S. Haskins
Actually, this is a daily double because Mark Twain quoted the title. I can’t count the times in my life that I wish I hadn’t said what came out.
This will serve you well in negotiations. At the time to close the sale, any sales person will tell you the first person to talk loses. The sale could be a business plan, a product or yourself to a company or a promotion.
This is the most obvious thing possible for introverts. As others drone on in mindless small talk, they have already begun a new adventure in their minds. Yes, they nod and perhaps might give a monosyllabic answer to the conversation but it is likely they left a while ago.
It is a matter of politeness, not what the other person is doing by talking too much and too long. Note: it is not being mean, it is how minds work. It happens unintentionally. It is why one should take this saying to heart. Read the last sentence.
Of course introverts will talk endlessly on a deep subject or something of importance, when we find someone who cares. The difference is that when others are nodding or giving one word answers, the conversation is over because we can read body language better than most.
The biggest benefit of not always talking is you never have to take back something you said.
Others won’t avoid you if you read their signals and stop talking. I’ve seen it too many times at work, at school and in social outings.
This eventually includes everyone, not just the introverts.
I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm. – Calvin Coolidge
I heard another version that went never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
I liked how Coolidge spoke after he thought. That way, he didn’t have to say that much and got right to the point. Others knew he wasn’t going to waste their time with BS so when he talked, they listened.
Still, most of you, cut the crap and the small talk. It’s a waste of time and is annoying.
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.” – Henry Ford
It’s true, you can really only promise to do something once and get fully believed, unless you do what you promised.
The bane of Introverts is small talk and inevitably, during small talk comes promises or boasting of things one will absolutely do. I’m more surprised when they actually do what is promised than by the cheap words now.
Yes, you are being judged by what you do, and probably fairly. Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. Better yet, keep your mouth shut unless you’ve already delivered on the promise.
Delusions of Adequacy 