Tag: life

Murphy’s Mother’s Laws

Another long lost post.

Murphy’s mothers laws

  • Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don’t..
  • A mother’s love is a better cure than chicken soup, but chicken soup is cheaper.
  • Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
  • Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother. She probably won’t know either, but she will fake it.
  • Maternal instinct is stronger than any force known except an IRS collection agent.
  • The more you try to stay on your mother’s good side the harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
  • The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her kids are rotten.
  • If you can’t remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn’t.
  • The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
  • If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you don’t repeat them.
  • Anything you do can be criticized by your mother – even doing nothing.
  • Never criticize your mother’s cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
  • If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
  • You can’t “out mother” your mother. Don’t even try.
  • Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
  • The harder you try to hide something from your mother, the more she resembles a webcam.
  • The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
  • All mother’s have a “How To” manual. That’s because they wrote the book.
  • Mother’s way is best. If you don’t believe it, ask her.
  • Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells you why it isn’t.
  • One mother is company, two is a psychic reading, three is a hen party, four is a bridge club.
  • If you don’t have time to study the drivers’ manual, drive your mother somewhere and get a quick refresher course.
  • When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
  • The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer she will “save” it before she uses it.
  • No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it against you.
  • No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that mother will not offer you more food.
  • If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or the directions.
  • The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
  • Accomplishments are made possible by your mother – failures are your own fault.
  • Never forget who rocked you as a baby. That’s something else you will never be able to repay her for.
  • Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you’ve already done it.
  • The longer it’s been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
  • No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger than you are.
  • The more you detest an item that belongs to your mother, the more likely it is that she will try to give it to you.
  • If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom does it, you should have done it yourself.
  • You never are as good as other people’s children. You are never as bad as mom imagines.
  • The only thing more accurate than a mother’s advice is her memory of the times you didn’t take it.
  • The funnier the joke is, the more likely mom will think it is dirty.
  • Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
  • If the job of a mother is going smoothly, she thinks she isn’t doing it well.
  • There are always two sides to a story – the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
  • Mothers always “know.” We don’t know how – they just do.
  • Murphy’s mother told him so.

This article was written by Sheila Moss, from Humor Columnist.Com and copied with her permission.
Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss

  • a child will never ask Mom to get something until she sits down.
    Corollary – a child will only ask for a glass of milk after you put the milk carton back in the refrigerator.
    Sent by Lexia Gibson
  • Call your Mom
    Sent by Nikki Hubbell-VanHoosear
  • If your kid grows up to be like you its an insult, not to you, to the kid
    Sent by Mohammed Ram jackson
  • You can fool some people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, but you can’t fool Mum
    Sent by Meself
  • Small, teething children will chew on the most valuable thing within reach. The same goes for puppies and juvenile tigers, bears, or crocodiles.
    Sent by -?Anonymous!
  • If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

Stuff You Need To Know, To Know Everything

I lost a year and a half of posts when I switched from blogger to WordPress. I’ll post some of the stuff mostly to get it on record.

December 28th, 2006 by jsimonds

“Stewardesses”  is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop”  with your right.   (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn’t  you?)

No  word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or  purple.

“Dreamt”  is the only English word that ends in the letters  “mt”. (Are  you doubting this?)

Our  eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears  never stop growing.

The  sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every  letter of the alphabet. (Now,  you KNOW you’re going to try this out for accuracy,  right?)

The  words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are  read left to right or right to left  (palindromes).(Yep,  I knew you were going to “do” this one.)

There  are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”:  tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and  hazardous.  (You’re  not doubting this, are you?)

There  are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in  order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”(Yes,  admit it, you are going to say . a e i o  u)

TYPEWRITER  is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one  row of the keyboard.(All  you typists are going to test this  out)

A  cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A  “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a  second.

A  shark is the only fish that can blink with both  eyes.

A  snail can sleep for three years.(I  know some people that could do this too.)

Almonds  are a member of the peach family.

An  ostrich’s eye is bigger than its  brain.

Babies  are born without kneecaps They don’t appear until the child  reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February  1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full  moon

In  the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been  domesticated.

If  the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of  the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo  Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts  are one of the ingredients of  dynamite!

Rubber  bands last longer when refrigerated.

The  average person’s left hand does 56% of the  typing.

The  cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel  that it burns.

The  microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube  and a chocolate bar melted in his  pocket.(Good  thing he did that)

The  winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara  Falls froze completely solid.

There  are more chickens than people in the  world.

Winston  Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a  dance.

Women  blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everything you need to know.

Captain Obvious: No Self Driving Ferrari Per The Company

Why would you want to ride in a Ferrari when you can command such a beast around the roads? It would be like having the most beautiful girl in the world and not sleep with her.

At least the company headquartered in Maranello announced they won’t pollute the sanctity of their driving machines with this feature.

They caved to e-fuels, but the essence of the prancing horse will stay intact.

Story:

Self-driving Ferraris are not for us, Ferrari chief executive Ferrari Benedetto Vigna said Monday. “Lifestyle business is immportant for us,” Vigna said. “It allows us to expand links with our community.”

Vigna also welcomed plans to exempt cars that run on e-fuels from the European Union’s planned 2035 phase-out of new combustion engine vehicles as they will give the luxury carmaker “greater freedom” on its power systems.

COMBUSTION ENGINE EXCEPTION

The European Union and Germany have reached a deal allowing new cars powered by combustion engines (ICE) to be sold beyond the 2035 deadline, or 2036 for so-called small volume manufacturers like Ferrari, if they run on carbon-neutral e-fuels.

“The good news for us as a company is that on top of electric cars, we’ll also be able to go on with our internal combustion engines ones,” Vigna told a Reuters Newsmaker event.

“This decision is very interesting for us because it allows ICEs to go beyond 2036,” he added.

Ferrari, which is renowned for its powerful petrol engines, is already producing plug-in hybrid cars and has promised its first full-electric vehicle for 2025.

However, Ferrari, which sold over 13,200 cars in 2022, has never provided a roadmap for going all electric.

Presenting its new business plan last year, Ferrari said fully electric and hybrid models would make up 80% of those in its range by 2030, while 20% would still be powered by internal combustion engines.

“This does not change,” Vigna said. “We don’t want to tell clients which car to use. We want to make three kinds of propulsion available for them – hybrid, electric and ICE – and they will chose.”

SPENDING UNCHANGED

Vigna reassured investors that the company’s investment plans would not be affected by combustion engines getting an extended life, as Ferrari had already “embedded” this scenario in its business plan.

“The figure I gave (last year) – 4.4 billion euros ($4.7 billion) for capex in the 2022-2026 period – it’s enough for us to go ahead with electrification and also with ICEs which are compatible with e-fuels,” he said.

Vigna said Ferrari’s upcoming electric model would be “a unique car” but would not be drawn on details, adding that “keeping secret is part of the recipe.”

He added it was wrong to assume that specific forms of propulsion would match specific models in the future. Fuels are a mean to provide the performance expected from a Ferrari car, he said.

He said that the price of e-fuels, or synthetic fuels, was likely to come down as they are developed in coming years.

“They’re a new technology, and like for all new technologies they have time to become cheaper,” he said. ($1 = 0.9279 euros)

The Enterprise NCC-1701 Being Built, And Being Built Today!

Well, not yet. I wish this was the real story instead of what I wake up and read in the news.

I also wish Star Trek hadn’t gone woke. It ruined Star Wars, Marvel and many other franchises that used to be fun to watch.

Live long and prosper.

Gilligan’s Island, The Epitaph

It was a good TV show when I was a kid. My Mom dreaded that I watched such nonsense and that it would certainly ruin me. I didn’t get any smarter by watching the show. It provided me with clean entertainment as compared to the woke TV the kids get now.

There were some things that didn’t make sense.

The professor could charge batteries for their radio by stirring coconuts, but couldn’t fix the Minnow?

Finally, my answer. It was Ginger, My how things have changed…

She’s the only one of the cast left

Why I Walk Away From People, Introvert Lessons In Life

This is true for me, although I didn’t learn quickly enough.

Once I realized you can’t change people, I changed me.

My internal GPS won’t let me stay in groups that I know are wrong for me, just not why. It’s called Mauerbauertraurigiheit.

As I wrote my way through my youth in a journal, I went to school with some people for up to 17 years. When I had the chance to be included, something I thought would finally endear me into their group, I wouldn’t do it. I realized who they were and knew they were poison and I couldn’t move ahead in life with them as an anchor.

It was the same for almost every group I’ve been in. The thought of being stuck with the same people because of duty was emotionally too great of a burden. I wasn’t there for the right reason. I couldn’t stay anymore.

A college girlfriend reached out to me recently, but I couldn’t talk to her. It was a relationship that ended badly. I don’t have the desire to relive it again even though we’ve moved on. That is the point though, I moved on.

You can’t take a shit and then try to put it back in you butt.

Lesson learned.

An Introvert On Arguing

The biggest problem I have in my arguments is timing. I get out talked by people who tend to be wrong. Only later does the truth come out or I can express myself, but no one (except me) cares by then.

Like most introverts, I think things through, throw out the things that are wrong, then come up with a salient and correct argument. All of this is well after the discussion took place.

LESSONS LEARNED

While being pressured to get the jab during Covid, I knew it was wrong and listened to everyone regurgitating the media and government lies (paid for by the Big Pharma companies). Since I was an island, it was everyone against me. There was nothing I could say that anyone would listen to other than my black friends. They remembered Tuskegee like I did.

The lesson? Stop trying to be right, learn patience for the facts to come out. They are coming out now.

This would have also helped me a lot earlier in life if I’d have known. I didn’t understand that I was an introvert though and thought I could go toe to toe with extrovert talkers not afraid to be wrong. I lost a debate to an imbecile in 8th grade when I clearly had the facts. He had the class popularity and the class went with him as he made up stuff.

It was similar in politics. The 2016 election won me a $100 bet, not that anyone cared. The 45th President continues to be right, so they just throw dirty underwear against the wall until something sticks. He is the comeback champion in rhetoric though so I stopped talking about that also. I was an island politically also. I lost every discussion on that one also even though my facts were proven right over time.

I found out that a lot of people don’t have a sense of history or really understand anything other than reading and repeating talking points they are told to think. Social media is making idiots out of the next generations. Knowing how to find information is not the same thing as understanding why things are the way they are.

I was already recognizing the pattern of facts that led to the truth, just not when I wanted it. I’d never make it as a lawyer or politician.

Maybe that’s why I write about this. It gets my thoughts (mostly cogently) in order and documents my position. It’s all I have sometimes. Since the internet is forever, here you go in the future if you read this.

Very rarely in my life do I have the proper comeback. It’s not satisfying when I do compared to the frustration of not being drop quick witted and precise information when needed.

So, I just have decided to let some stuff pass. It gets me out of talking to the under educated anyway.

The other lesson?

“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

― Mark Twain

More Introvert Strategies For Escaping When You Have To

If I can’t get out of going to a social event (forget parties), this is my next best option.

I’ve done it on dates also.

I hit on a girl in one of my classes in college because she was kind of cute and noticeably large casaba’s. To this day, it was the most boring date of my life. I thought she didn’t like me, but I found out she was just uninteresting. We went to dinner where I thought we could at least talk about the class we just finished.

She appeared in the school magazine 40 years later doing turtle research and guess what? She never got married. Others must have found out what I did.

I didn’t take her for being a switch hitter, so she just didn’t try. I can’t even call her an introvert as I saw her talk in class for a whole semester.

I didn’t have a hard time carrying on back then as those were my drinking years. I tried to keep it going and had other plans (dancing I believe) later that night but took her home. It was going nowhere and I was tired of trying. I dated a lot and was in my prime so a lot of others at least did their part in trying to keep it going.

After going home, I went out with my friends to a bar later to brag that I got out of one of the worst dates of my life.

Now, I don’t drink anymore and I get out of banal socializing as often as I can before it happens. I like this method best.

By chance I have to go, I know where the bathroom is and play with the pets.

Still, leaving is usually my favorite part of going to these.

What Happens To Guys When It Gets Cold

Double bonus here, it makes fun of vegetarians. No one is buying Beyond Meats as their stock is falling. I guess it tastes like it looks.

Even the companies don’t know if their meat is safe to eat

Lab-grown meat is often made using immortalized cell lines, which, unlike regular cells, are capable of continuously dividing and growing in a manner similar to cancer cells, according to Bloomberg. Companies developing lab-grown meats have largely remained silent about the connection between their product and cancer cells, possibly in a bid to keep consumers from getting skittish about their products.

My Childish Humor Strikes Again

Oh yes, I could say it with a straight face, depending on the other person. I just texted my friend George that there were a lot of balls to juggle, instead balls in the air.

I still call them wiener’s if there is a chance the other person will feel uncomfortable.

Hat tip to wirecutter on this one. It was too good to not share.

Conspiracy Meme Dump To Peruse And Share

I stood alone in my world on a lot of things since 2016. Now, instead of wearing a tin foil hat, it’s all being proved true. I don’t even bother with I told you so. I doubt the discernment of people around me a lot more.

Enjoy and share

This next one is not something I’m expecting. They thought I was the crazy one for not getting Jabbed, thinking putting America first was a good thing and that Biden is more abusive to females than Trump. They just wanted to be offended and were.

I don’t even bother with being right to them anymore. I don’t have to be when they are wrong so consistently. I don’t bother saying it anymore. Fortunately, it’s on my blog for years and they can’t mis-state what I’ve said all along.

My New Years Resolutions

I usually have the same ones, I don’t make them. If I’m going to do something, I’m already doing it and will continue.

I work out all the time and see the new people at the gym trying to get into shape or lose weight every year this time. They are usually gone by February. A certain day in the year can’t replace internal fortitude. You have passion about something and do it or it won’t continue. You lose interest or gain interest in something else. (That is the same reason I hate my birthday, it’s not going to make you any happier. I refuse to make some day more special because others say so, the same with exercising beginning on NYD)

I got lucky on Covid. I never took the clot shot for the Wuhan virus. I know the next crisis is leaving the station to be here in time for the 2024 election cycle. Don’t buy it. I hope to discern it quickly and not fall for that either. I’ll be watching though.

The one thing I will do even more diligently is protect myself from the WEF, the US government, Big Pharma and Washington. They have shown no interest in anyone other than themselves. They got away with one scaring everyone with Covid, but I hope to stay even more awake to this as well as wake up the sheep that have been in line. They either got lucky with the timing or that was a trial run. Only time will tell.

They did more to stop Hydroxycholoroquine and Ivermectin than they did Fentanyl. They opened the borders that let more of this death drug in.

I’ve been getting a lot of hits from China recently. If it is the government, history is not on your side. Stop the shit and enjoy your economic freedom before you cut your own throats. I don’t expect that to happen. I look for worse things.

If the readers are Chinese citizens, find a way to stop the CCP from ruining your country. That is your resolution. I’ll keep posting the truth

Personally, I talked about exercise above, but looking at everything skeptically and trying to protect myself and inform others will also continue.

My wish for others besides being saved is to wake up and stop believing what you are told. We formed a country by not putting up with this crap from people who think they are the ruling elite. We killed them to stop the shit that the current government is jamming down our throats. I can’t believe that people would be the sheep that they have been since 2020.

I’ll be more introverted, it happens in life. I’ve got other issues to work on, but I’ll still look for an escape before I go somewhere and size up the people in the room as to who is a threat.

I’ll fight woke also. That is as racist and discriminatory as anything. It’s get-evenism (I made that up). It’s a bullshit scheme to steal free money. I started the year by dropping Hulu because of Disney.

Competitive Eating Update, When Joey Chestnut Sharted His Pants

Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has been one of my favorite sports for years, since Kobayashi was king. My wife thinks it is one of the grossest competitions ever held, adding to my enjoyment.

I heard an interview with Joey Chestnut about taking a dump the next day after downing 70 hot dogs. I’ve wondered about that also.

What I didn’t know was that he’s done it while competing. Gross I know, but it didn’t stand in the way of him winning.

At least he’s honest about it.

How To Reply To An Ex

Or you could be like everyone else and just not talk to them because your life is better that way. I know mine is and there isn’t a one of them worth talking to, especially the one who turned into a traveling whore as a flight attendant for Delta.

Happy Thanksgiving, Exposing The Myth Of How The Pilgrims Really Dressed

Not like we learned or drew in grade school. Also, my hand turkeys were just that, turkeys. It’s why I wasn’t an artist.

Enjoy your day and be thankful for being in the country that has been the greatest in history for helping others.

Don’t forget that they were thankful that God spared enough of them so that we can be at the table today.

Translation, We Shot Him In the Dick

Polk County Sheriff’s deputies shot an arsonist his his manhood.

“We’ve changed the looks of his groin forever — if you know what I mean,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said at a press conference.

Luke Neely is facing a number of charges after he threw molotov cocktails at a house and then led police on a high speed chase. The chase ended near Dinosaur World when police opened fire.

Neely was found with a loaded AR-15 and a fully loaded handgun.

The only way to get uncensored conservative news is by subscribing to Todd’s FREE newsletter. Click here to sign up.

He’s been charged with 3 counts of attempted first-degree murder, arson, 7 counts of firebombing and one count of resisting arrest. More charges from Hillsborough County are pending.

Neely is expected to survive his injuries, but is not expected to be able to procreate.

I Might Watch SNL For The First Time In Years

The snowflake SJW woke little crybabies in NY are so hurt by words that they won’t support one of the best comedians since Richard Pryor.

People that won’t do their jobs should be fired. Then hire un-woke funny writers.

I can’t take the woke crap and Trump bashing. If it were funny, I’d watch like I used to.

With these children gone for a week and Chapelle hosting, it has a chance of being good tonight.

For the rest of the staff, work or be fired.

Middle Age Summed Up, And Yes It’s True

1 and 2 yes.

3 no because I exercise a lot

4 includes medicine

5 been happening for decades

6 worn glasses forever it seems

7 and 8 are expected, but I’ve been in software a long time so no biggie other than what to do while it’s happening

9 Hell, I won’t make a Dr appointment that early and I’ve been up for a while

10 I keep wondering if I’ll break my day record for this every week

11 frequently

12 The one problem on the list I don’t have

Who Really Won The Elections Last Night

The politicians did, win or lose

Election losers like Stacy Abrams now has 6 million in the bank just for complaining a lot. Winners now can vote themselves more money and have to do what the Uni-Party tells them to do.

I give one bright hope to DeSantis who seems like someone who could actually lead something. He pulled Florida’s ass out of the storm better than any recent leader (heckuva job there on Katrina dubya). He gave a good victory speech that wasn’t sanctimonious.

Most disappointing were the people of Pennsylvania who cut of their nose to spite their faces by electing Fetterman. This is Biden 2.0 of being functionally impaired. That could be the new strategy though, put in a puppet you can control by pulling the strings.

So the losers were the people unless a split government gets nothing done. They’ve inflicted enough damage on us in the last 2 years. Them fighting cuts down on bills that just costs the people and the economy, and the welfare of our children.

The people that put the Covid restrictions on their sheep got re-elected so they aren’t smart in Michigan or NY either. They re-elected people who proved they couldn’t lead during a crisis (see DeSantis and Covid/Hurricane Ian)

It was a mixed bag of results that no one won except the politicians, even the ones that lost their races.

The Gender Neutral Bathroom

While this is a piece of modern art depicting the world as a cesspool, It is how I feel when I go to do laps after kids have been in the pool.

I fear the adults do it also as I know the competitive swimmers all admitted it.

Things To Remember As You Vote This November

All your personal freedoms taken away by people who partied, traveled, never wore masks, didn’t get jabbed because they had access to Ivermectin and Hydroxychloriquine and monoclonal anti-bodies, and you didn’t. They banned it remember.

This is what happens when they lie well enough to fool the weak minded.

Think 20 years from now because that is the decision for your kids you will be making tomorrow.

It’s time for a change. This group just lies and votes themselves the ability to be innocent.

A Guy’s Walk Of Shame

It’s a guy rule. You have to get all of the bags from car to house in one trip. Other stuff is seeing how far away the garage door opener will work from your house. If you can make a throw to the trashcan easily, you have to add difficulty to it like behind the back or use the other hand.

The list goes on.

Here Is A Weather Report With Information I Actually Need To Know – Introvert Style

From wirecutter at Knuckledraggin my life away

I don’t really have social anxiety, I just don’t want to small talk and waste time. Hello is a perfectly good conversation.

I’ve seen people I like at the store and still went either to the next aisle, the other side of the store or just out. I’m not there to talk. I usually have music going in my ears anyway.

If I actually wanted to talk, I or the other person would have already texted.

The worst is chatty girls who talk to you like you were their girlfriend. If you understood men, you wouldn’t do this. We’d appreciate that more that a lot of things.

This is the opposite of a hall meeting at work. I didn’t always avoid them as you could get done in 5 minutes what normally took an hour out of your day. It’s the lesser of 2 evil’s if you have to see someone. Do it for the minimal time possible. I didn’t want to see them either, but this kept it to a minimum.

Generation Z’s Claim To Fame As Arbiters of Emoji’s

Where do I start on this one.

I tried giving them credit for being an upgrade from millennials. I guess I was wrong.

From the Daily Mail:

Why NOBODY should be using the ‘thumbs up’ emoji in 2022 – and the 10 symbols only ‘old people’ use that have Gen Z rolling their eyes

  • Gen Z sees the thumbs up emoji as rude or passive aggressive, they say
  • The emoji is commonly used in casual and professional conversation
  • People aged 35 and over are more likely to use the symbol but it is alienating
  • Other emojis only used by ‘old people’ include ‘crying laughing’ and the heart

By Belinda Cleary For Daily Mail Australia

Sending a thumbs-up can be seen as passive aggressive and even confrontational, according to Gen Z who claim they feel attacked whenever it is used.

Whether the chat is informal, between friends or at work the icon appears to have a very different, ‘rude’ meaning for the younger generation.

A 24-year-old on Reddit summed up the Gen Z argument, saying it is best ‘never used in any situation’ as it is ‘hurtful’.

‘No one my age in the office does it, but the Gen X people always do it. Took me a bit to adjust and get [it] out of my head that it means they’re mad at me,’ he added.

They make you look old. I disagree. I think emoji’s are childish to begin with. I never use them on purpose just for that reason. I never saw them as anything but wasted time or unnecessary info on the text. An answer in emoji’s only is even more childish.

I have friends my senior age that do it, but I refuse. They sort of get it and have stopped it. They weren’t any good at it anyway. They were the thumbs up people

I recognize rest of them though. They mostly come from girls who are too old for this nonsense.

I could put an emoji on the end of this for sarcasm and irony, but I won’t.

Emoji’s are the small talk in texting that I hate in real life. It’s not necessary, ever.

A Sad Day In The Blogging World

Denny Wilson, aka Grouchy old Cripple passed away.

We worked together at IBM and crossed paths in the Blogoshpere.

Behind the scenes, we shared war stories about the assholes that ruined IBM as well as different assholes who are ruining America.

Publicly, he wrote very funny stuff and was right on about it.

He’ll be missed.

Saturdays were my favorite with him. His last Asshole of the week was President *.

Introvert Humor

Be there or be square?

Go big or go home?

I find it funny when my family says stuff like, “everyone else is doing it, why don’t you want to?”. Or this one, “I always love to get together with others, what’s wrong with you?”. Don’t try to shame me into doing stuff. It hasn’t worked on me since I was a child.

Nothing is wrong with me. I’d rather not go to people events. I say what is wrong with you for not understanding others who are different to you?

Most of all, I’ve discovered that I don’t go to something if there isn’t an exit strategy for me if it sucks. I go to events I can’t get out of in 2 cars so I can go.

I almost always one of the first to leave as my social battery is on life support at this point in my life.

So go big or go home? How about stay home with my stuff and not have to put up with people being fake.

An Idea That Will Make Me A Millionaire, The Jabbed Males Are Becoming Infertile

hat tip Irish

There aren’t a lot of us around that can do this. I wonder if they’ll lend a helping hand.

Because, it turns out that the jab can make you infertile or give you ED.

Story here:

Pfizer’s “Vaccine” Causes Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility – Men Have Not Been Informed nor Given Their Consent

Excerpt:

Pfizer’s mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine, in Fact, Cause an Astonishing Drop in Male Fertility

On June 22, 2022, Andrology published a bombshell study [6] – which did not even include the effects of additional booster injections – showed a staggering drop in male fertility, with an average decrease of 22.1% across the study group, from the initial injections alone.

The investigators studied participants for five months after they received Pfizer’s vaccine. At close to six months post-vaccination, sperm concentration, motility, and total motile count were all still in significant states of decline versus pre-vaccination levels. Sperm concentration had not recovered at all and was, in fact, at its lowest point yet.

Despite these alarming outcomes, the published study went on to encourage vaccination.

Alarmingly, men continue to receive incomprehensibly contradictory messages, being told to keep injecting the mRNA vaccines even when the study that contains these exhortations, clearly demonstrates adverse fertility results – for men.

How Old I Am, I Was 9 For 10 On These Jingles

But, I remembered I am stuck on Band-Aids because…..

Hat tip to 90 miles from tyranny

However, I forgot why I was in a room twice yesterday.

Short shorts was a Godsend for a young hormonal man. Of course, childishness set in on sometimes you feel like a nut, which should have been next to number 8

Introvert Humor, How Far Will You Go To Avoid People?

Of course there is the golf joke about the guy who played a round with his buddies shouting and laughing. After the round as they headed to the parking lot, he told them at the end to not talk to him. When asked why, he said he’s told his wife he’s been deaf for 5 years and he didn’t want to spoil it.

How The Rest Of The World Thinks Of California

Things they take for a walk there.

Two Completely Different Versions Of The Same Story – Proof That Sex Sells

It was every man’s fantasy. I was going to be in a den of women I’d never met and I’d never see again. They were there just for me during my time. It was something I needed to do before I die and did.

Here is the same story told from alternate points of view.

VERSION ONE, WITH THE SEX STUFF

I went there with a little anticipation. The whole thought of what I knew was going to happen set my nerves on fire. After all, even though I’ve been with many women, I’d never done this before. The first time for anything can be both a little unnerving and get you worked up simultaneously.

As I walked in, I was greeted by the first of the lovely ladies I would meet that day. She led me to where the whole thing was going to go down.

I had a seat and was told the ladies who would attend to my needs would come and welcome me to our private soiree. I saw that it was going to be two on one today.

While the tension was building, I had that tingling sensation between my legs, anticipating what was soon to happen.

In only a short time, I was ready to get started as Penelope and Kelly came out and took me to the back room. Their faces were hidden from me and I wondered if this was kinky or did they do this for everyone. Despite me being nervous, Penelope told me that they were experienced and there was nothing for me to worry about. She then told me to take off my clothes and lie back and enjoy what she’d done many times before. They even had my private bed clothes laid out for me to change into before we got down to business.

I have to admit, my heart began to race as I was going to be vulnerable at the hands of two women I’d only just met. Wanting to get on with it, I gladly laid down as they came over. The clothes didn’t fit as well as I wanted, but I figured that they would come off soon so it didn’t matter. I was far more interested in what they were about to do to me versus that what I looked like. I’d be looking at their faces between my legs anyway.

And so it began.

Penelope started first. There was a little small talk as she applied a generous amount of lubricant and reached up the sheet. It made it all the way to my manhood and it felt warm to the touch.

For 15 minutes, she went back and forth and up and down, slowly and sometimes stopping. She talked to me softly and told me everything she was going to do to me. Before she finished with me, she asked me if Kelly could join us. When I said yes, this is what I saw between my legs. Penelope guided Kelly’s hand to the same place and told her how to move it up and down then side to side. She made sure that no place was left untouched. I was watching 2 women’s hands doing their magic together.

Like all things, we finished and the girls left. I was alone to clean up, get dressed and be on my way, never to set eyes on either again. I knew this was probably a one time experience.

I walked away knowing a good thing happened. I didn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt nor did I think I’d cheated. I even paid for this and didn’t mind.

OK, HERE’S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

I had to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound on my boys. They gave me an old gown to wear. The technicians had N-95 masks on as did I so I never saw their faces. One was the lead and the other was a student who needed instruction on where to move the ultrasound wand.

I was covered up the whole time and was uncomfortable given what was happening.

The other version sounded way more interesting to me than what really happened.

Me, Being Childish In The Store

I absolutely would do this. I’m just pissed I haven’t thought of it before.

hat tip wirecutter

The cashier could be male or female (still the only genders science can prove) and they will judge you by the size you pick. Think about that.