Tag: introverts

Least Attractive Female Hobbies

Being an introvert, I’d put small talk when you talk at someone instead of talking to them, or being interesting. Don’t narrate your day and expect me to want to engage

Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays

I know I hate mine and it’s coming up, mostly the attention thing. No extrovert will understand this, but you should.

Anyway, here it is and boy is it right. Again, courtesy of Introvert Dear, link at the end

I’ve never really liked my birthday. In fact, it’s one of the days I dread the most. I hate all the extra attention and the pressure to make it a special day, usually with a party. It’s insufferable.

When I was a teenager, I used to have long, exhausting fights with my mother in the weeks leading up to my birthday. She always wanted me to celebrate with a huge party filled with family and friends. But to me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration. Instead, I wanted something small, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with a few close friends.

No Birthday Party For Me, Thank You

More often than not, I used to win these fights and ended up doing what I wanted for my birthday. But all these arguments took a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. Whenever I refused to have a party or make a big deal out of my birthday, people called me a party pooper, a killjoy, and a downer. I didn’t have the words to defend myself (I was still a kid), so I internalized all those insults and convinced myself that there was something “wrong” with me. It took me years to realize and accept that there was nothing wrong with me — I am an introvert.

I am now a proud introvert who can defend the reasons behind my actions and behaviors. In case you’re curious, my relationship with my mother has improved, but I still hate my birthday. I believe a lot of the reasons stem from the fact that I’m an introvert.

Obviously, not all introverts hate their birthdays, but over the years I have noticed that a significant portion of the online introvert community feels aversion or indifference toward their birthdays. Here are a few reasons I believe some introverts (like myself) don’t like their birthdays.

Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays

1. Too much attention

This one’s a no-brainer. Most introverts don’t like being the center of attention, so having an entire day dedicated to them can be quite uncomfortable. It’s especially tough when they are put on display in front of a lot of people, anxiously waiting to see their reactions while opening gifts or making a wish and blowing out the candles to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”

In my case, I especially hate all the attention I receive for something as trivial as turning one year older. I feel like I haven’t earned it, and I don’t know what to do with it. Being the center of attention makes me anxious, uncomfortable, and insecure. I always try to avoid it and redirect that attention to something or someone else. But when it’s my birthday, that is almost impossible to do because it’s “my day.”

2. The social exhaustion of a party

Birthdays and parties practically go hand in hand. When your birthday is coming up, everyone expects you to throw a big party to celebrate. Introverts tend to dislike parties because we don’t like big crowds, loud noises, and shallow socializing. This aversion to parties doesn’t change when the party is ours. If anything, it makes it worse.

When we throw a party, we might end up feeling anxious and worrying if everyone is having fun. It’s our party, so we feel the pressure and responsibility to be a good host and ensure everyone is enjoying themselves. But in the process, we sometimes forget to have a good time ourselves.

And don’t even get me started on surprise parties. It’s undoubtedly a nice gesture for someone to throw you a surprise party because it shows they care enough to go through all the trouble of organizing it. But a surprise party is practically a living nightmare for an introvert. If there’s anything worse than having a party, it’s not having knowledge or control over your own party.

3. The pressure to make it a “special” day

This is one of the things that bother me the most about my birthday. Sometimes, I just want to do something small to celebrate, like going to the movies or taking a long walk around the city. But the pressure from others to make it a “special” day can be too much. I get it, I was born on that day, but why does it have to be the most special day of my year? Why do I have to have the time of my life specifically on that day? That’s just setting myself up for failure because the expectations are always way too high. (And we introverts don’t like pressure anyway!)

Plus, when your birthday is coming up, it seems like everyone has their own opinion about how you should celebrate it. Instead of asking you what you want to do, some people tell you exactly what you should do. Whether it’s a party or going dancing at a club, your birthday might end up being about what other people want to do instead of what you want.

And God forbid you suggest you don’t want to do anything for your birthday — people might look at you as if you’re crazy. They will try to convince you that you’re wrong and that you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t do something special on that day.

4. All the phone calls and “happy birthday” messages

This one might come off as ungrateful because it’s undoubtedly nice to have people who care enough to wish you a happy birthday. But to an introvert, all that attention can be overwhelming.

Phone calls, in general, make some introverts uncomfortable. When the sole purpose of a call is to wish us a happy birthday, it’s even worse because all the attention is on us. After the “Happy Birthday”s and “Thank you”s, the inevitable small talk follows, making us even more uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that the people who usually call are relatives or friends you only talk to two or three times a year.

The same goes for the Facebook messages and texts you receive throughout the day. After the pleasantries and birthday greetings, you have to make small talk (again, in a different form) with all the people who wished you a happy birthday. This can be a bit too much, which is why I think some introverts hide their birthdays from their social media pages.

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5. The singing

Few situations are worse for an introvert than being in front of a cake while friends and family sing what feels like a three-hour rendition of “Happy Birthday.” I never know what to do or where to look when that melody starts, and suddenly I have a cake in front of me and dozens of eyes on me.

There is no appropriate reaction to that situation. Do I smile the whole time? No, that would look fake, and my cheeks would probably start to hurt after the third “Happy birthday to you…” Do I put on a poker face? No, that would probably come off as bratty and ungrateful. Do I sing with them? No, that would look awkward. Do I run away and hide in the bathroom? No, that would probably lead to a lot of questions. Whoever came up with this particular birthday tradition obviously hated introverts and wanted to see them suffer.

I Don’t Hate All Birthdays, Just Mine

I love celebrating my friends and family’s birthdays. I enjoy seeing them happy and buying them presents to celebrate another year of their lives. But when the spotlight is on me and it’s my birthday, I hate it. I hate the pressure, the attention, and the Happy Birthday song.

However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed my birthdays before. The birthdays I have enjoyed the most are the ones when I did what I wanted to do, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with my best friends, not when I succumbed to the pressure from others and ended up doing what they wanted me to do.

So if you have an introvert in your life and you want to make their birthday special, just ask them what they want to do and respect it. Don’t assume everyone wants to celebrate with a huge party and be the center of attention.

And if you’re an introvert who hates their birthday like I do, there are ways to enjoy this “special day.” Set realistic expectations, put your foot down, and do what you want to do, whether that’s having dinner with your family, going dancing with your friends, or staying home with a good book and a Netflix marathon. I can’t promise you’ll start loving your birthday, but at least you’ll enjoy it more. And the good thing about birthdays is they only happen once a year.

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5 Reasons an Introvert Isn’t Talking

Why are you so quiet?

As an introvert, I’ve been asked this question countless times. It mostly happened when I was a child, but I distinctly remember one instance in high school when someone asked if I was mute. I replied that I simply didn’t like talking that much.

Growing up, I was the shy girl who preferred reading and writing stories over engaging in conversation. Classmates would ask me this question, while teachers and other adults would often sigh and comment, “Oh, she’s so quiet!”

Not all introverts are shy and quiet, but I happen to possess both these traits. And, I require much more alone time than most people around me.

In an effort to help the world better understand us “quiet ones” — and perhaps spare some of my fellow introverts from having to answer this annoying question — here are five reasons why an introvert might not be talking.

The list is here. Click to see if one of them is you or someone you know

The takeaway: Don’t try to force an introvert to talk more or change them into an extrovert. It won’t happen. Love them for who they are because there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.

Thanks again to Introvert Dear who makes my life more understandable.

Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays

I’ve never really liked my birthday. In fact, it’s one of the days I dread the most. I hate all the extra attention and the pressure to make it a special day, usually with a party. It’s insufferable.

Introvert Dear has a great article today. Here goes.

When I was a teenager, I used to have long, exhausting fights with my mother in the weeks leading up to my birthday. She always wanted me to celebrate with a huge party filled with family and friends. But to me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration. Instead, I wanted something small, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with a few close friends.

No Birthday Party For Me, Thank You

More often than not, I used to win these fights and ended up doing what I wanted for my birthday. But all these arguments took a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. Whenever I refused to have a party or make a big deal out of my birthday, people called me a party pooper, a killjoy, and a downer. I didn’t have the words to defend myself (I was still a kid), so I internalized all those insults and convinced myself that there was something “wrong” with me. It took me years to realize and accept that there was nothing wrong with me — I am an introvert.

I am now a proud introvert who can defend the reasons behind my actions and behaviors. In case you’re curious, my relationship with my mother has improved, but I still hate my birthday. I believe a lot of the reasons stem from the fact that I’m an introvert.

Obviously, not all introverts hate their birthdays, but over the years I have noticed that a significant portion of the online introvert community feels aversion or indifference toward their birthdays. Here are a few reasons I believe some introverts (like myself) don’t like their birthdays.

story plus way more including the list of things that suck about birthdays for Introverts.

I hate it as it’s just another day for me. Now that I’m (much) older, it reminds me of how little time I might have left.

What Are Your Future Travel Plans?

What are your future travel plans?

I’m doing it right now.

Instead of waiting at an airport with flights canceled by computer glitches, I’m up in the mountains where it is 30 degrees warmer than home. The food is grown on organic farms nearby and traffic is rare. The only sound I hear while typing this is birds chirping and my dog is at my feet.

I traveled for business for many decades. It was a time when you got service and comfort. Those are long gone now replaced by inconvenience and a general lack of concern by the service and travel industries.

There isn’t much to make me want to get on another cattle car to go wait in lines.

I also grew up in Central Florida before Disney World was built. I watched people pay exorbitant prices to wait for hours in the blazing sun for hours. I went at night or in the 2 weeks that are the Florida winter when my friends who worked there gave me tickets. That isn’t my idea of fun either.

I’d still like to hear from those who like it. It counter balances my position

Favorite Game (card, board, video, etc.) Why? It’s A Lay Up For Me

What’s your favorite game (card, board, video, etc.)? Why?

Once again, you get the introvert answer. I loathe those long assed games where people get together and socialize for hours playing Monopoly or Bridge. I’m ready to leave before it starts.

I had the chance to play video games in 1981 before Nintendo came out with the orange button controller. I knew then that I didn’t have time to waste playing the same scenario over and over, although I get the attraction to others.

If I play a card game, it’s going to be solitaire. I don’t really play it anymore, rather spend my time writing and learning, but anytime I can do something to not drain my social battery quickly.

I played golf yesterday. I can be alone there also. I have my earbuds in and tune out the world.

What Bothers You and Why?

What bothers you and why?

This goes like the line, how do I love you, let me count the ways. The list is endless and sometimes I feel like Clint Eastwood with, get off my lawn.

Rather than make a list, I’ll stick to my introverted life and go with small talk. Introverts have a low tolerance for conversation that isn’t meaningful or that isn’t going anywhere. When you are young, you might put up with it for a longer time or if there is a worthwhile reward (employment, sex, etc.). That reward is less as you move on in life.

Conversely, I love deep and engaging conversation, that is intellectually stimulating. Even then, there is a time limit and I need to recover.

I’ve learned to say yes, good, right, fine, good point, and anything that could end the conversation and not leave it open-ended.

21 Signs That Confirm You’re an Introvert

One clear sign you’re an introvert: You feel lonelier in a crowd than when you’re alone. Solitude feels good to you.

Have you always felt different? Were you the quiet one in school? Did people ask you, “Why don’t you talk more?” Do they still ask you that today?

If so, you might be an introvert like me.

Being an introvert means you lose energy from socializing and gain energy by spending time alone. That’s it. Introversion is not a flaw, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It’s a healthy personality trait that comes with many strengths.

Keep in mind, that nobody is completely introverted or extroverted — we all show both traits at different times, though we tend to lean more in one direction or the other.

Here’s the list, it’s pretty convincing.

Cancelled Plans, An Introvert’s Favorite Gift

Nothing is better for me than when plans are cancelled for an event. The minute I agree to do something I’m somewhat on the edge about, the regret begins. I bet I burn up as much of my social battery dreading going to these events as being there. Hell, I’m burnt out before I even go if I realize it’s a big mistake or someone says there will be a lot of people there.

In fact, if you want to give your introverted friend the gift they want the most, give them cancelled plans. It’s one of our favorites. Heck, call them up and say that the plans you had to go out together are cancelled, even if you didn’t make any. That’s how good of a gift it is.

Avoid Crowds And Stress, And Don’t Rush Around

What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?

Yes, it’s Introvert time again. I am more comfortable alone than I am among a lot of people. While it’s possible to be alone in a crowd (introvert strategy here), it still comes with stress.

I also hate deadlines and the stress that comes with making it. I try to get stuff done well in advance so I don’t have to deal with it at crunch time.

Oh, and avoid family reunions as much and as often as possible.

I’m sure others have much better strategies to increase their comfort, but here’s my .02.

What Is Your Most Memorable Vacation?

Describe your most memorable vacation.

I’ve been on vacations as a kid, with that family growing up. I was kind of a tag along and did what my parents decided mostly. We went to the beach a lot growing up in Florida. That meant I grew up next to Disney World. Heck, we didn’t even have Disney until 8th grade for me. My memories there are of playing alone next to the ocean in my own world.

Then came vacations with a different family, my wife and kids. We traveled around the world. They were good times that I’ll remember while taking one kid fishing everywhere and the other doing anything to keep her from being bored. There was no time to recover or recharge my social battery.

Later in life I did stuff like sailfishing in Costa Rica or going to F1 in Italy and again they were good, but stressful trying to catch planes and waiting in huge crowds. I still had to rush to catch planes and was a mule hauling luggage around the world.

As always though, my introvert self comes out. Vacations where you are always on the run and trying to make everyone happy wore my social battery out to the point that I’d need a vacation to recover from vacation.

Now, I just go to the mountains where there aren’t many people and I can relax without having people acting like tourists or waiting in line. I have my stuff in my place and I can do gardening and tree trimming out in field with no one telling me what to do.

Not having the next deadline or trying to catch the next plane is my favorite.

The Science Behind Why Introverts Need Alone Time

Again, this comes from Introvert Dear, a resource that helps me understand me. The link is at the end

The Curious Connection Between Introverts and Rewards

When writing my book, I spoke with Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who had recently published a paper on introversion. He explained that one reason introverts need alone time is related to how we respond to rewards.

No, I’m not referring to the gold foil stars you might have earned in grade school (though it could be argued that stickers are indeed a reward for kids). For adults, rewards can be things like money, social status, social connections, sex, and food. When you get promoted at work or convince an attractive stranger to give you their phone number, you’re receiving a reward. Hurray!

Of course, introverts also value things like money, relationships, and food. However, researchers believe that introverts are wired to respond differently to rewards than extroverts. Compared to our more outgoing counterparts, we “quiet ones” are simply less motivated and energized by these same rewards. It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while introverts often see overcooked hamburgers.

In fact, as any introvert can confirm, sometimes those “rewards” aren’t just less appealing — they can actually be tiring and annoying, like a big party. This brings me to another reason why introverts need alone time: We react differently to stimulation.

An Extrovert and an Introvert Go to a Party

Take, for example, two friends at a house party — one an extrovert, the other an introvert. They’re crammed into a crowded room where loud music blares from huge speakers. Everyone is practically shouting to be heard over the din. There are a dozen conversations happening simultaneously, with just as many things demanding their attention.

For the extrovert, this level of stimulation might feel just right. He sees potential rewards everywhere — an attractive stranger across the room, opportunities to deepen old relationships, and the chance to make new friends. Most importantly, tonight offers a chance to boost his social status within his friend group, especially if he navigates the evening skillfully.

So, the extrovert feels energized and excited to be at the party. In fact, he’s so motivated that he stays late into the night. He’s exhausted the next day and needs time to recover — after all, partying is hard work. But to him, the energy spent was well worth it.

Now, back to our introvert. See him over there, hunkered down in the corner? For him, the environment feels overwhelming. It’s too loud, there are too many things happening at once, and the crowd creates a dizzying buzz of activity. Sure, he wants to make friends, fit in, and be liked, but these rewards just aren’t as tantalizing to him. It feels like he would have to expend a lot of energy for something he’s only mildly interested in to begin with.

So, the introvert heads home early to watch a movie with his roommate. In his own apartment, with just one other person, the level of stimulation feels just right. He exchanges some texts with a woman he met a few weeks ago in one of his classes. Like the extrovert, he too wants friends and a romantic partner. However, he finds it too tiring to deal with the noise and socializing at a big party to make those connections.

The Dopamine Difference

Chemically, there’s a good reason the introvert in the above scenario feels overwhelmed, and it relates to a neurotransmitter called dopamine. This chemical, found in the brain, is often referred to as the “feel good” chemical because it regulates our pleasure and reward centers.

One of its roles is to make us notice potential rewards and motivate us to pursue them. For example, dopamine alerts the extrovert to the attractive stranger at the party and fuels his motivation to come up with a cheesy pick-up line.

Another important function of dopamine is reducing our cost of effort. Socializing requires energy because it involves paying attention, listening, thinking, speaking, and moderating our emotional reactions. Technically, socializing is tiring for everyone, including extroverts. However, dopamine helps make it less exhausting for them.

According to DeYoung, extroverts have a more active dopamine reward system. As a result, they can better tolerate — and often push through — the tiredness that inevitably comes with socializing. Much of the time, they don’t experience the same level of mental and physical fatigue that introverts do, thanks to this dopamine boost.

It’s called the “introvert” hangover, not the “extrovert” hangover for a reason.

Introverts Are Sensitive to Dopamine

Dr. Marti Olsen Laney explains the difference between introverts and extroverts in her 2002 book, The Introvert Advantage. She states that introverts are more sensitive to the effects of dopamine, requiring less of it to feel its pleasant effects. Too much dopamine, she notes, can lead us “quiet ones” to feel overstimulated — another reason why introverts need alone time

Extroverts, in contrast, may have a low sensitivity to dopamine, meaning they need more of it to feel happy. Social activities and stimulating environments increase dopamine production, which helps explain why extroverts relish socializing and “being on the go” more than introverts.

Introvert dopamine sensitivity
Source: “The introvert brain explained”

Interestingly, Dr. Laney explains that introverts may prefer to use a different brain pathway, one activated by acetylcholine. This neurotransmitter is linked to long-term memory, perceptual learning, and the ability to stay calm and alert, among other functions.

Introverts might enjoy spending time alone partly because of acetylcholine. According to Laney, this neurotransmitter can produce a sense of happiness for introverts when they engage in inward-focused activities, such as quietly reflecting or enjoying hobbies.

Extroverts Place More Significance on People

Finally, a study found that extroverts might simply find humans more interesting than introverts do. This finding aligns with the idea that introverts are less motivated to seek social rewards.

In this study, researchers observed a diverse group of individuals and recorded their brain’s electrical activity using an EEG. As participants were shown pictures of both objects and people, the researchers measured their brains’ P300 activity. This activity happens quickly in response to sudden changes around us and gets its name because it occurs within 300 milliseconds.

Interestingly, researchers found that extroverts showed the P300 response primarily when viewing images of faces, whereas introverts only exhibited this response after viewing objects. Essentially, extroverts’ brains became more active when looking at people.

This doesn’t mean that introverts hate people (though, admittedly, the human race can get on my nerves occasionally). Researchers still don’t fully understand introversion. However, these findings suggest that extroverts might simply place more importance on social interactions than introverts do.

So, the next time an introvert in your life needs alone time, remember that it’s not personal. Introverts need alone time because their brains are wired that way. It isn’t necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you or your relationship.

As for me, you can find me at home tonight. Preferably with the whole place to myself, that is.

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What Introverts Need To Be Happy

I sign up for a lot of these. Once again an excellent article from Introvert Dear.

1. Plenty of time to wind down and process

Yes, we introverts need downtime after things like parties and networking events. But we also need downtime after “little” things, too. Because we’re wired to process experiences deeply, introverts may get very drained by a stressful day at work, running errands, or a heated conversation with a significant other. Time to unwind allows us to fully comprehend what we just experienced and lower our stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable. Without downtime, we’ll feel brain-dead, irritable, and even physically unwell or tired. This state is called the introvert hangover.

2. Meaningful conversation

How was your weekend? What’s new with you? We “quiet ones” can do small talk (it’s a skill many of us have forced ourselves to learn), but that doesn’t mean we enjoy it. Introverts crave diving deep, both in our interests and in our relationships. We need something more: What’s something new you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were ten years ago? Does God exist?

Not every conversation has to be soul-searchingly deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to talk about the weather or what you did this weekend. But if we’re only fed a diet of small talk, we’ll leave the table still feeling like we’re still hungry. Without those intimate, raw, big-idea moments, we’ll be unhappy.

(Speaking of chitchat, here’s the real reason introverts hate small talk.)

3. Companionable silence

It may seem contrary to #2, but introverts also need people in their lives who are content with quiet. We need friends or partners who can sit in the same room with us, not talking, each of us doing our own thing. People who won’t nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation but will let thoughts linger, waiting until ideas have been fully digested. Without periods of companionable silence, introverts just won’t be happy.

4. Space to dive deep into our hobbies and interests

17th-century horror novels. Celtic mythology. Restoring old cars. Gardening, painting, cooking, or writing. If it’s out there, introverts are diving deep into it. Having time alone to focus on our hobbies and interests recharges us because, while absorbed in them, we likely enter an energizing state of flow. According to the famed psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, “flow” is a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity and enjoying the process. A flow state comes naturally to many introverts, and without it, we won’t feel happy.

(Speaking of hobbies, here’s why introverts should take up new, random hobbies.)

5. A quiet space that’s all ours

Admittedly, this is something I don’t have right now because my toddler is the ultimate space-invader. However, introverts ideally need a private, quiet space to retreat to when the world is too loud. It could be a room that they can arrange, decorate, and have full control over — a true introvert sanctuary. Or it might be just a special corner, couch, or chair. Being fully alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption, is invigorating on a near-spiritual level for introverts.

6. Time to think

According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage, introverts might rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite). This might explain why we introverts struggle to put our thoughts into words. While words seem to flow effortlessly for extroverts, introverts often need an extra beat to think before responding — or much longer to consider a bigger issue. Without time to process and reflect, introverts will feel stressed.

(Want to learn more? Here’s the science behind why writing tends to be easier than speaking for introverts.)

7. People who understand that sometimes we’ll be staying home

For introverts, socializing is all about dosage. We need friends and loved ones who understand that sometimes we just can’t “people” — and they accept this without giving us a guilt trip. It’s not that we don’t value their company; we simply need time to recharge. Having people in our lives who respect our need for solitude helps us maintain our energy and emotional health. This understanding allows us to show up more fully when we do spend time together.

8. A deeper purpose to our lives and work

Everyone needs to pay their bills, and for many of us, that’s why we go to work, even if we have to drag ourselves kicking and screaming. Some people are content with this arrangement, or at least tolerate it. However, for many introverts, it’s not enough — we crave work that’s purposeful and meaningful. We want to do more than just earn a paycheck and put a roof over our heads. Without meaning and purpose in our lives — whether it comes from our job, a relationship, a hobby, or something else — introverts will feel deeply unhappy.

9. Quiet

Sometimes we just don’t have the energy to interact. We might be turned inward, doing what introverts do best — reflecting on and analyzing ideas and experiences. Pointing out, “You’re so quiet!” or prodding us to talk only makes us feel self-conscious. At these times, let us remain quiet — it might be what we need to be happy. After we’ve had time to process and recharge, we’ll likely return with plenty to say.

10. Independence

Unique and independent, introverts are more inclined to let their own inner resources guide them than follow the crowd. We often do our best work — and are our happiest — when we have the freedom to explore ideas, spend time alone, and be self-directed. Independence allows us to tap into our creativity and inner wisdom, setting our own pace and making the decisions that are best for us. Without this autonomy, we might feel stifled.

11. The simple life

I have an extroverted friend who seems to do it all— volunteering at her son’s school, caring for her family, planning get-togethers for our friends, and holding down a full-time job. As an introvert, I’d never survive that same schedule; besides, the simple life is good enough for me. A good book, a lazy weekend, a meaningful conversation with a friend, and some snuggles from my animal companions are what make me happy.

12. Friends and loved ones who value us

We’re never going to be the most popular person in the room. In fact, in a large group, you might not even notice us at all, as we tend to remain in the background. Nevertheless, just like anyone else, we introverts need people in our lives who see our value and love us despite our quirks. We know that at times we can be difficult to deal with — nobody’s perfect. When you love and accept us as we are, even when our weird introvert behavior don’t make sense to you, you make our lives profoundly happier.

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My Favorite Season Of The Year?

What is your favorite season of year? Why?

Look, I grew up in Central Florida without air conditioning. It was summer 51 of the 52 weeks of the year.

One of the best things in life for me was getting out of that state. It may have a great political climate, growth, no state taxes and other positives, but dreading to go outside because it’s so hot isn’t worth it.

Any of the other three seasons is great for me.

The Introvert Hangover And The Signs You May Have One

My go to page for this stuff is Introvert Dear. They nailed it on this one. Link below

An introvert hangover can leave you feeling physically and mentally exhausted, making you just want to be alone in a quiet place.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve spent the whole day with your friends or family. You’ve had a great time eating, playing games, and catching up. But now, you’re so exhausted you can barely see straight, while everyone else seems as energetic as ever. In fact, they’re already setting up the next game as you’re wondering how you can slip out the door.

The next day, after the event is over, is no better. You might have a headache, and your body may feel sore and drained, almost like the onset of the flu. You’re tired — so very tired.

If this resonates with you, you might be experiencing something we call an “introvert hangover.”

What Is the Introvert Hangover?

Introvert, Dear writer Shawna Courter coined the term “introvert hangover” in this article to describe the exhaustion she felt after celebrating Christmas with her in-laws. She writes:

“An introvert hangover is a pretty terrible thing to experience. It starts with an actual physical reaction to overstimulation. Your ears might ring, your eyes start to blur, and you feel like you’re going to hyperventilate. Maybe your palms sweat. And then your mind feels like it kind of shuts down, building barriers around itself as if you had been driving on a wide open road, and now you’re suddenly driving in a narrow tunnel. All you want is to be at home, alone, where it’s quiet.”

Yes, the introvert hangover is real. It’s a funny term that describes the serious social burnout many introverts experience, marked by significant mental and physical fatigue.

Here are 12 signs that you might have an introvert hangover, which I discuss in more detail in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts. You don’t need to experience all these symptoms to have one, and your symptoms might vary.

Here are the 12 Signs You have an Introvert Hangover

I never understood this for the first more than 5 decades. I did know that I’d instinctively look for a place to be away from the group once the event was over. I connected better with pets than strangers. I get it now and protect myself with time alone, sometimes before the event to make sure my battery is full

The Real Reason Introverts Hate Small Talk

Now, if you’re an introvert like me, you might hate the small talk ritual. Jon Baker, a business coach for introverts, found that 74 percent of introverts said they dislike small talk, as opposed to only 23 percent of extroverts who said they dislike it.

Why do the majority of introverts hate small talk?

By definition, introverts are people who feel drained by socializing and recharge their energy by spending time alone. Because small talk is neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating, it can feel like an inefficient use of their limited social energy. In other words, if introverts are going to use up their energy, they want to spend it in ways that really count.

(Not sure if you’re an introvert? Here are 21 signs that confirm you’re an introvert.)

Also introverts tend to enjoy delving deep into topics and exploring ideas on a meaningful level. It’s more energizing to talk about things that feel important and relevant to them. Small talk, by its very nature, remains at a surface level.

But those aren’t the real reasons introverts might hate small talk.

Why Introverts Hate Small Talk

It’s not that introverts hate socializing or people. Even though we’re introverts, we still need close, healthy relationships to thrive.

As my friend Dr. Laurie Helgoe points out in her fascinating book, Introvert Power, “Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”

Small talk doesn’t bring people closer. Quite the opposite — it can create a barrier that prevents the kind of genuine, intimate connections we all crave.

Think about it. When two people get stuck in small-talk mode, discussing only “safe” and polite topics like the weather, they don’t really learn anything new about each other. They don’t get to know the other person or understand who they are. They miss discovering that their conversation partner, for example, wakes up early to go birdwatching, hates the color yellow, or grew up on a family farm.

As a result, the relationship doesn’t grow in a satisfying way. In general, introverts are interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, life lessons, and experiences, which isn’t usually achieved through small talk.

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The quality I value most in a friend? Loyalty, maybe above everything else.

What quality do you value most in a friend?

I don’t mean the Batman and Robin type of a friend and loyalty. I just want somebody that I know I can trust, and not betray me. It’s like your girlfriend or wife not sleeping around behind your back.

What I ask is not too much and I don’t think it’s that hard to do. I know I give that to those that are really my friends. Being an introvert, I only let a very few people to the innermost part of my life. That’s a lot for a person like me to do so respecting that isn’t too much to ask in return.

Any time I Can Be Alone Is My Favorite Day

What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?

I’ve always had a problem with attention on me or the hustle and bustle of holidays.

It’s counterintuitive to me that people act one way because someone said a day is different and then revert back when it was over.

I learned that it’s because of my introverted nature that causes me to process things differently than others.

It’s why days alone to recharge are better for me. They are my vacation and holidays.

I never got birthdays either. It’s just another day for me. I prefer not being the center of attention.

I’m glad others get excited about it but it’s not for me.

Anything deep, I’m an introvert and avoid small talk.

What topics do you like to discuss?

I’m not afraid to discuss anything that’s interesting. I can cover a large range of topics and do when prompted.

What is difficult for me is small talk. The banality of it is a painful exercise that I have to go through.

So my talking skills are good with deep conversations and any distraction to end small talk and my having to suffer through it.

The Two Types Of People In An Introvert World

Most people are temporary because it takes a long time to get to know someone and it’s hard to find the traits that are important. Loyalty is usually the final demarcation line for me. If they cross it and are disloyal, it’s over for me.

Take my college girlfriend who turned out to be a traveling slut (stewardess). Even though I didn’t find out until afterwards that she was sharing herself with others, that eliminated her from the permanent people pool. I didn’t have to feel the hurt and pain during the relationship, but the dishonesty got me out the door early.

I had acquaintances all throughout my life, but it’s hard to call them friends. The extroverts in my life meet and talk to someone for more than 5 minutes and it’s their new friend. Those are just temporary people for me. It takes a long time and a lot of things in common before they make permanent status. Very few make it.

You have to build a relationship and that is hard enough for me (and I’m guessing other introverts). We’d have to share something in common long enough to see if there is anything there. It still takes a long time for the walls to come down. Then there is the trust tests. I don’t dream them up, but they present themselves in life. I’m usually forced into a situation, but you can tell if a person is going to stick with you or stick it to you.

Even my siblings were temporary. They are around, but don’t count for me as permanent people for the loyalty reason. One can only take so much screwing over growing up and then the walls come up.

There’s your thought for the day.

A much deeper dive can be found here. It is by Introvert Dear who I’ve linked to on the home page describing why introverts don’t consider everyone their friend. It is a special to us and this article tells you why a lot better than I do.

The times I didn’t say no

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

It’s more than one time, but it’s the same thing. I got asked to do something, go somewhere or be with some people that I shouldn’t have.

It was about setting boundaries. I remember the feeling or not wanting to be there, we’re doing whatever we were doing, saying the things I said or being with the people I was with.

If I had learned to say no, instead of going with the crowd, a lot of things would’ve turned out differently. I would have gotten in a lot less trouble, not done as many stupid things and would have not been in situations I didn’t want to be in.

I learned the hard way to protect myself from these instances and people, and as a result of gotten in to a lot less trouble.

Admitting Failure

What makes you nervous?

I reached a point in life where I have learned enough that I shouldn’t make bad mistakes or faux pas, yet I do.

It’s difficult enough to express your real feelings, compounded by knowing you’ve let somebody else down is soul crushing sometimes.

I can make it worse by rehashing it in my mind over and over until the point I have to admit it or ask forgiveness.

Question For The Day – Describe a Decision You Made In The Past That Helped You Learn Or Grow

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.

When I stopped caring what people thought of me. It was incredibly freeing when you don’t have to worry about your image in other people’s minds.

I heard of saying that went like this, “you’ll stop caring what other people think about you when you realize how little they do “.

Describe a positive thing of family member is done for you

Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.

This is counterintuitive, but a sibling leaving was the most positive thing for me. Growing up, I had a sister that fought with my parents and caused all kinds of consternation in the house.

Fortunately, she got married early and when she left the house got quieter and all of our lives got better.

Describe some thing you learned in high school

Describe something you learned in high school.

The leaving it would be my favorite thing. I instinctively knew that my best days were ahead and that those who were stellar in high school had reached their peak. They were the Al Bundy’s who would re-live high school the rest of their lives.

I’d been stuck with these losers since kindergarten and getting away from them and the town was my introvert dream.

One of my favorite things in life is closing a chapter and never going back. It started with high school.

Happy National Sibling Day

I know mine made my life a lot harder than it needed to be growing up. When we could have bonded, I got someone who was actively against me doing well, instead of being supportive. It must have been insecurity, but trying to bring someone down to build yourself up is no way to live.

My other sibling has been gone for 12 years. We didn’t grow up together and there was no bonding because she was pathological. It’s a good thing I found out how to be alone in life and not worry about others.

See Eating Alone as an Introvert a couple of posts down and you’ll know why.

Eating Alone As An Introvert

This will seem matter of fact for those who are introverts because it’s as normal as waking up. I thought that I’d write down the journey that I took to discover this pleasure.

Before I knew I was introverted (although I suspected it) I was traveling for business in the IT industry. My job rarely required a team so I found myself traveling alone a lot. While there was some sense of anticipation before the trip (that I’d learn to loathe), the return home was a recover trip from the people I had to deal with either in groups or one on one.

Inevitably, this would find me in an airport lounge/restaurant or a hotel before or after my business meeting with no one else in town. I’d already flown for hours while reading a book (before movies on flights and well before wifi), so dinner was just an extension of that.

I suppose I could have sought out others, but it was simpler and easier to eat and go back to preparing for my meeting or whatever the agenda was the next day. The people I was meeting usually lived in the city I was visiting so they had families. Once business was done, I had wrapped up any further association in my mind. If I had multiple meetings, I needed to plan for the next day so it was dinner alone usually.

I love to read and books have been my best friend before video games or electronic distractions on trips (and still are). I’d get lost on a spy novel and was identifying as the protagonist by mid flight on my way out of town. I was imagining myself as Edward X. Delaney, Jason Bourne or Mitch Rapp depending on the decade

To continue reading while eating seemed normal to me. I didn’t know it wasn’t, until people I worked with thought it was odd for me to order a table for one. Some of them refused to eat if they had to do it alone, but I wanted to eat and to not be bothered by conversation that was just banter. I could also be finished on my schedule rather than putting up with someone else’s agenda.

By now, I’d realized that if I ate alone, I didn’t have to mess with others during or afterwards. It started to become a pattern for me.

I also worked on the trade show tour, meaning you’d have to spend a week with people you never associated with back in your home city. It seemed obvious to me that I didn’t really want to eat with them, although protocol forced me to at times.

Since trade shows tended to be in towns with night life, like Las Vegas, at the end of the day the extroverts couldn’t wait to rev up to some drinking, gambling and other cavorting. I’ll get to that later.

As I transitioned to Analyst Relations, there were conferences that resembled the structure of a trade show. Work all day together and then be stuck in a city not home to anyone and most gravitated to socializing including eating together.

DRINKING

Alcohol is the grease in the gears of socializing. It turns introverts into extroverts if only even for a night. I did imbibe early in my career, but life decisions caused me to stop. It changed my socializing as dramatically as that decision.

I’d also gotten married by then and saw first hand the shenanigans that went on during travel. Almost 100% was fueled by drinking and nothing would have happened sober. So I looked at this as just another opportunity to be alone.

LET’S GO OUT!

At the end of the day in trade shows, in fact before the end of the day the topic of conversation was what bar, party, other place (strip club for some) they would all go to. While still a reader and having my social battery worn down by the end of the day (and knowing I’d have to face these people the next day(s)), I had to think of an escape to be alone. It of course was to recharge and to get away from people if only for a short time.

My counter offer was who wants to work out. I’d wait until they were neck deep in wanting to order their first drink so I knew full well I’d be rebuffed. Never once did anyone take me up on it. By then, my goal was to eat alone, not to accidentally wind up that way.

Now, even though I’m retired, I actively try to eat alone on travel, but also at home. I enjoy the nightly meal with the family left in my house, but I’m still as happy to read while eating. It doesn’t seem strange to me, but my extrovert friends and family don’t and never will get it.

Things I’ve learned.

  1. It’s just fine to eat alone. Don’t be shamed into thinking there is anything wrong with it. Just like some people have to small talk or have company, others prefer the opposite.
  2. You are never alone if you have a book. Surfing the web is quick and random. A book draws you out and can take time to develop the characters and affect your emotions.
  3. If you learn to be ok by yourself, life will be a lot easier to manage.

What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?

What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?

Coffee, breakfast, something to read, and please quiet, lots of quiet.

On the remote chance, the dog gets up, I’ll take care of him. He doesn’t talk back.

What about you?

How Often Do You Say “No” To Things That Would Interfere With Your Goals? Not Enough

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

I’ve only learned later in life to prioritize myself for my mental sanity. A lot of my life growing up was not saying no enough it was a price I paid while growing up.

The goal I think of here is trying to set boundaries. If I’d have done it earlier in life, a lot of crap I deal with now wouldn’t be still bothering me.

What’s your secret skill?

What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

I have spatial awareness and can see how things fit together. Also, as an introvert, I can read people through their body language I’ve had these all my life, but became cutely aware of them as I grew older.

What Activities Do You Lose Yourself In?

What activities do you lose yourself in?

Let’s see, over the years it’s been fishing, hunting, karate, racing, tennis, Biking, and then there was kids and Life, and other stuff, and the next thing I knew I’ve lived in seven decades. I mostly do introvert stuff now so I get lost in my mind a lot.

Vacation: We Are Doing Something, We’re Getting Fucked Up On The Beach

I listened to a comic talking about his wife. It started like the title. We were on the beach getting fucked up and his wife said they needed to do something. His response was we are doing something, we’re getting fucked up on the beach. Nothing is something if you want to relax, only not for extroverts.

I have a family that can’t sit still. Going on vacation is a relay race of the next thing to do which for an introvert, results in me burning my candle to a nub and running out of social battery. Just the planning alone, which consists of a ton of stuff that will never happen just to go through every option. It is mentally exhausting. I’m toast before it even starts. When none of the plans might get done, I’m already burnt and nothing has even started. It gets these extroverts wound up with excitement and inevitably leads to disappointment as it rarely meets expectations. Then there is the discussion afterwards as to why it wasn’t as great as the plans. It was the build up of unrealistic expectations.

I want to get away and not have to do something, all the damn time. When it is over the way they do it, I need a vacation from taking a vacation.

If I can relax, I always meet my expectations and am almost always recharged, what a vacation should be. It meets my expectations when I do it their way also, I’m burnt out before it begins.

Now, this:

The pendulum is swinging away from jam-packed trips and Instagram-worthy adventures and toward vacations with little to write home about beyond a pretty sunset and a cold drink.

More vacationers say they want a true break to rest and recharge during their time off. Their do-nothing vacations have no schedule. These aren’t beach trips that involve surfing or kayaking, or foodie tours requiring hours of research—and decision fatigue.

“Rest and relaxation” jumped ahead of having “a fun time” and spending “time with immediate family” as the main motivator for leisure travel, according to a nationally representative February survey of 1,000 U.S. travelers from Longwoods International, a market-research firm. Rest and relaxation rose to 21% from 17% between the September and February surveys.

All-inclusive resorts are helping travelers meet this need. Bookings for Apple Leisure Group all-inclusive properties in the Americas, which include Secrets resorts and spas, are up 11% thus far in the first quarter of 2024 compared with the same period last year, a Hyatt spokesman said. Hyatt is the parent company of Apple Leisure Group.

source

In the why didn’t I think of this, I did. It’s how I want to relax, by not having to do everything, or anything really.

I’m trying to get them to go without me as much as possible

And I Have To Go To This Shithole Soon

Portland, here is what happened when they de-funded the police. They turned make Portland weird into make Portland a crime zone.

I have a relative there and have to go in a few weeks. I can’t say how little I’m excited to go travel.

Hopefully, I’m not on a Boeing plane that is missing bolts or stuck next to traveler who starts a fight. Both seem to be a trend lately.

When I get there, the homeless and the crazies have destroyed the city, so I can’t say I’m looking forward to that either.

Like all trips, the best part is leaving and coming home.

As for being an introvert, as soon as I committed to going, my irritation level shot up. My social battery is not able to recharge because it can’t knowing I have to face this. A countdown to leaving (to come home) automatically begins in my head, I can’t stop it from happening.

It will be over in a bit, but for now I’m suffering until it is over and I’m back home.

This Is Life As An Introvert

Small talk is one of the more tiring things for introverts,. I avoid that situation at every chance. I love a deep conversation, but once someone starts in on how their day went in minute detail, I can’t help but turn into my own world and wish the conversation to be over as quickly as possible.

The other is ice breakers. Tell us something about yourself. Um, I don’t like to talk about myself, how’s that?

I’d hold it before I’d go just to not talk to not be here. This is at a Dr.’s office though. I see the door where you pass the piss sample in the cup

If I say call me, it’s because I’m betting you won’t. I’m tossing over the fence for you to make the move. I wouldn’t call either way. A cryptic text at best that doesn’t leave much of a window to respond.

Happy World Introvert Day

May we celebrate together, but alone and separately. Talk to you tomorrow because I’m not talking today.

It’s my favorite holiday after just suffering through Christmas and New Years. I can be alone today. Somewhere out there (although probably quiet) my fellow souls finally have some joy. It’s doubtful others will hear about it as we don’t boast, and other times you can’t get a word in edge wise for all the yapping.

I know and so do others.

PS, I’m not an INFJ.

This next one is me. I’m always in the back, next to the door so I can leave if I need to escape or panic

Happy World Introvert Day

Here’s a picture of the parade, if you look real carefully, you won’t see me.

Look at all of them.

Here is a good link to the 4 reasons the world needs an Introvert day. I just need the day off to recharge.

a meme that says "Quiet people have the loudest minds. Happy World Introvert Day."

It won’t get as much coverage as other Pride parades or whatever day’s. I’ll bet people don’t know how many introverts there really are in the world. They just don’t need to tell everyone about it, like the vegans.

a meme that says I may be quiet but I have worlds inside. I'm an introvert. Happy world introvert day.

Why I Like To Be Alone

It’s not that I don’t like others, just not all the time. Actually, I’d rather be alone most of the time. I don’t even miss others or think about missing them. Most of the time, they let me down or make the time spent together difficult. My appetite for that is over.

People drain me and consistently let me down. I’m sure I let them down when they think I should act like an extrovert, but then I don’t force myself on others.

Small talk is the most draining thing during the day. I know as soon as I get into it that it’s going to be a dreadful and useless conversation. Society expects you to go through this ritual, but that doesn’t make it meaningful or any less painful.

Give me meaningful and deep discussions and you have my attention. Otherwise, I’m happiest writing in my diary and reading.

Not caring what others think about you is a blessed relief. It’s the same when they don’t think of you also, like the remote parts of your family that are annoying.

Things Introverts Hate

I can hear it now. Tell everyone three things about yourself

Compounding it would be a networking event. Dear God, why do they put is through that.

I’ve never remembered anything that someone told about themselves, even if it was extremely clever, which some have been. They won’t remember about me either.

When will the world stop trying to fit everyone into the same box. I hate this exercise and avoid groups to just not have to go through it.

At least have the courtesy to say you don’t have to go through this if it offends you. No one cares about our feelings and being put on the spot is as bad as it gets sometimes.

Extroverts love this as they get the rush of dopamine when they can talk about themselves to others. I don’t think they really care what I or they say, so why do we have to do this?

An Introvert’s Perspective Of Family Gatherings

My mom told me I had to stick with my family and put up with gatherings because they are blood. She was right on most things in life, but not this one.

I look at them like I look at most people. If we were friends or wanted to see each other, we’d get together. Now, it’s just weddings and funerals, and I avoid those if possible. I missed the last one that made me the patriarch of both sides of the family now. That’s not a burden I relish or will give any attention too.

Besides avoiding both sides of my family whenever possible, my wife’s family doesn’t live in my country, so I have it easy there. They sit around and trash the US to feel morally superior so I don’t want to be a part of that.

Best of all, I stopped drinking a while back. Most of them drink a lot when they are together, so I don’t get invited to almost everything. I think I make them feel uncomfortable. They are happier to be around people who drink a lot without feeling guilty. I don’t get invited and it’s one of life’s blessings.

I treat others like they treat me. Fortunately, most of them don’t want to talk and I keep my head as low as possible so I don’t get in their line of fire.

Still, leaving is always my favorite part of getting together, family or otherwise.

Life These Days, Introverts And Social Media

It’s like this sign below

The world and the media and especially Social Media is trying to tell you how to live, what to say, what is politically correct and so forth. It’s so much shit that you don’t know which way to turn.

I’m finding that staying to myself makes it easier. I don’t have to fit into the world’s definitions of what I should be doing instead of what I want to do. It used to be a lot easier before the Karen’s and Chad’s tried to build their power base by judging others. I got fed up enough of that crap with the high school childish games we suffered through.

I decided to grow up and make my own rules. It’s because I’m an introvert and didn’t do stuff like get the Covid Jab. I’m not as accepted for what I believe, but like Groucho Marx said, I’d never belong to a club that would have me as a member. It’s made my life a lot easier.

This is the way they want you to behave on social media now. I had to eliminate that to not drive myself nuts. I got the added benefit of not having to find out what others did to try and make themselves feel better when they got likes. My favorite benefit was re-losing people I was able to move on earlier in life. They found me on social media, but I already removed them once for a reason.

The way I looked at it, if I wanted to stay connected (or we wanted to together) we would have. Not for likes. I guess I just don’t care enough what they did after we parted ways all those years ago. I got to lose family that made life difficult also.

I get some love to reconnect and rehash things, but I already did that in my private journal. If it was that good, I wouldn’t need social media to see what they ate or drank while doing stuff I didn’t care about.

This version of non English is how social media is. Almost non-sequitur.

With all the bullshit with the lying about the politicians and covering up by the media, if I get too involved with it, this happens to me

I can always revert to my introverted life and spend time alone with my thoughts and pets. That way people aren’t ruining my life as much.

Why I Never Go Back To My High School Or College

I was listening to Steely Dan play My Old School, one of my theme songs. Click on it, it’s a great song.

I realized I went to school to grow up in life, not really to learn. I went to classes and did did stuff, but it was just a step in life I had to take first. My real education was when I got out and started in life. School was just learning how to learn, mostly what not to do. Life is a big picture that I saw. I knew I had to get through this time and had a need to have my success being in life, not following the crowd in my teens. I watched the cliques and instinctively knew I didn’t want to be held hostage by them. Even then, I just knew I was going to be a bigger success and do much more than any of them. Other than a few sports stars and a doctor here and there, it came true. It’s not really important to me as I expected it. It’s because I didn’t pin my identity to that time of my life.

Most of all, I didn’t get stuck in my hometown and got away from those who stayed in the mud pit of mediocrity.

I know some people never leave college and re-live school every Friday night or Saturday during football season, but I am fortunate to have Mauerbauertraurigheit. I never wanted to be a part of what they were. Maybe it was just the introvert in me coming out, but I moved on and the memories weren’t strong enough to make me long for that, ever.

I went to school with some people from kindergarten through the end of college, yet I never think of them as friends. Just going to the same school isn’t the basis for a relationship. I never wanted to be in their clubs or fraternity’s, even when I had the chance. They weren’t the type of people I wanted to be a part of. At a college party one time I told Brad Hurd, who I knew since kindergarten that my best life decision until then was not pledging his fraternity. It was just the same elementary, middle school and high school people that I instinctively knew weren’t going to be significant, or my friends.

I also remember college graduation. I thought to myself, I may never step foot back on this campus and 43 years later, I never have. I’d had enough of college life and wanted to grow up and experience new and different things. People I knew still get together and pretend they are still there, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It was a chapter in my life that has closed. Life expanded so much for me after I got out that I feel no connection with the people anymore.

I still have friends from that time, but it had nothing to do with school. We are friends because of our relationship, mutual interests and experiences in life.

So, like the song, I’m never going back to my old school. I’ve passed up the 10th, 20th, 25th, 30th and 40th high school reunions so far, and have no plans to ever do it again.

I always thought that my life was going to happen after I left school, and it did. Those I went to school with act like they never left. Their pinnacle in life was either high school or college. They are like Al Bundy, high school football star, but loser in life. They relive the past at a time we were juveniles. I saw much more than that. Being a part of it wasn’t something I ever wanted to do.

On LinkedIn, I don’t even list my university. Instead I use Faber College, Knowledge is good.

Occasionally, I hear about someone from that time. Almost to a person, they didn’t amount to not much past that time of life. I hope they enjoyed their moment in the limelight, but it’s too bad that it came so early in life. When I see the pictures, they faded into old looking people who fell out of shape or didn’t realize their dreams. It’s sad. I wish they could have seen the big picture that what seems important to teenagers is not.

When I think about why, it was the people that I wanted away from, not the school. I continue to have highlights in life, rather than re-live an immature time of my life.

I’m never going back, to my old…..school, because I grew up to so much more.

Lord Chesterfield Quotes – What’s Inside Of A Man

In order to judge of the inside of others, study your own; for men in general are very much alike, and though one has one prevailing passion, and another has another, yet their operations are much the same; and whatever engages or disgusts, pleases, or offends you in others will engage, disgust, please or offend others in you.”

And this one for introverts

“Silence and reserve suggest latent power. What some men think has more effect than what others say.”

One Of My Worst Introvert Nightmares

I hate this.

I’m not able to process the attention that others force on you. To me, it’s just another day and I wish others would treat it that way. I want to crawl in a hole and not come out until it is over.

When I was a waiter, we’d sing the song to the birthday person. Almost always, a drunk table nearby would want it and would ask for us to sing it to them. One time, a party was so belligerent about it, instead of Happy Birthday dear (name), we sang eat a big one you asshole, HBTY.

Back to the point. I never understood why it was such a big deal. I didn’t know it was OK to hate your birthday until I talked to other introverts. It was painful for years. When I found out you didn’t have to suffer through this, I got my family to swear they’d never put me through the fake festivities again.

I think parents are so overboard on their children’s birthdays that they set this false expectation that it’s a real holiday. It was painful for me and I never knew how to act. The kids come to count on it like it is going to make them happier because they got stuff.

The extroverts in my family expect the attention, but it’s difficult for me to sit through that also. I want that to be over as much as when it happens to me.

In my life, charade has taken over any holiday. People get worked up and claim they are happy because of a day that is supposed to be celebrated. I’ve grown to loathe big family gatherings and the month long Christmas ordeal. I see how unhappy they can be. It’s because people set themselves up for false expectations that some holiday or gathering is supposed to make them feel better. Take away their alcohol and it’s a whole different thing.

I can’t buy that nonsense as there are other days in the year that make me happier, but it is organic rather than manufactured. I can even take (a small amount) some celebrations if spontaneous and real.

At this end of my life, I don’t like having another birthday so fast. It just reminds me that that I’ll be crossing the checkered flag in life soon.

Habits That Will Make You Poor

My son called it wearing your paycheck. Various genders, ethnicities and race all have their favorite names.

They will make you poor in more than you wallet. Many will kill your health, shortening your lifespan. A lot of them will prevent you from retiring early or keeping out of debt.

As an Introvert, I hate people that show off or have to prove they are something because of what they have or do.

People should notice what you do and who you are rather than showing off. That is a terrible trait.

I shake my head when I drive by a Starbucks and the line is long. Over priced coffee is just coffee at the end of the cup. Then you are a dumbass.

Don’t do these.

The Hell That Is Small Talk For Introverts

I had to learn how to do this to get by in life. I never liked it.

I listen to girls of all ages talk about food, shopping, clothes and just about anything and anybody. I have watched my wife’s relatives in Denmark deal in Janteloven. It’s where they talk about anything to not go below the surface which might “upset someone’s feelings” for being different. It is tedious. The lack of depth is a waste of time for me.

I ran out of gas to put up with that in life, that or patience. Jenn is right. I don’t have the energy for it anymore.

The other side is also right though. If it is deep conversation about an actual topic with depth and I can talk for a long time. The problem usually is finding someone with my interests or interest level. Even then, I run out of gas a lot sooner than an extrovert.

I tried to keep up with extroverts when I had to get by in life. Now that I’m retired and don’t have to work, find a wife or any of the young person problems, I bail on these conversations. I’ll listen, shake my head and say yes, no, great, sure or other comments, but mostly I just want it to stop. I don’t want to open the door to it going on any longer than it has to.

Lord Chesterfield On Things Social Media Has Robbed Us of

“Great talents, such as honor, virtue, and learning are above the generality of the world, who neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others; but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner, because they feel the good effects of them.”

I eliminated a lot of social media because it lost almost all of it’s civility, affability and agreeable address and manner.

I’d post something or read a statement that someone said and by the 4th comment, people (likely unqualified) on the subject would try to tear down your position, call bullshit or start their own thread of whatever social position they supported.

It was tiresome, usually wrong and generally vengeful.

My life is much better without that cesspool. I also have a lot of time back to do more enjoyable things in my life.

As an introvert, it was like being at a party I wanted to leave as soon as I got there. I just don’t go to that party anymore.

Lord Chesterfield On Genius

“The power of applying attention, steady and undissipated, to a single object, is the sure mark of a superior genius.”

Hey, I don’t know if it’s true because I’m not a superior genius, but I can concentrate on one thing because I am introverted. I can avoid caring what others think while I concentrate on the task at hand. I thought it might be an OCD trait. Maybe Chesterfield is proving me wrong.

Why I Walk Away From People, Introvert Lessons In Life

This is true for me, although I didn’t learn quickly enough.

Once I realized you can’t change people, I changed me.

My internal GPS won’t let me stay in groups that I know are wrong for me, just not why. It’s called Mauerbauertraurigiheit.

As I wrote my way through my youth in a journal, I went to school with some people for up to 17 years. When I had the chance to be included, something I thought would finally endear me into their group, I wouldn’t do it. I realized who they were and knew they were poison and I couldn’t move ahead in life with them as an anchor.

It was the same for almost every group I’ve been in. The thought of being stuck with the same people because of duty was emotionally too great of a burden. I wasn’t there for the right reason. I couldn’t stay anymore.

A college girlfriend reached out to me recently, but I couldn’t talk to her. It was a relationship that ended badly. I don’t have the desire to relive it again even though we’ve moved on. That is the point though, I moved on.

You can’t take a shit and then try to put it back in you butt.

Lesson learned.

An Introvert On Arguing

The biggest problem I have in my arguments is timing. I get out talked by people who tend to be wrong. Only later does the truth come out or I can express myself, but no one (except me) cares by then.

Like most introverts, I think things through, throw out the things that are wrong, then come up with a salient and correct argument. All of this is well after the discussion took place.

LESSONS LEARNED

While being pressured to get the jab during Covid, I knew it was wrong and listened to everyone regurgitating the media and government lies (paid for by the Big Pharma companies). Since I was an island, it was everyone against me. There was nothing I could say that anyone would listen to other than my black friends. They remembered Tuskegee like I did.

The lesson? Stop trying to be right, learn patience for the facts to come out. They are coming out now.

This would have also helped me a lot earlier in life if I’d have known. I didn’t understand that I was an introvert though and thought I could go toe to toe with extrovert talkers not afraid to be wrong. I lost a debate to an imbecile in 8th grade when I clearly had the facts. He had the class popularity and the class went with him as he made up stuff.

It was similar in politics. The 2016 election won me a $100 bet, not that anyone cared. The 45th President continues to be right, so they just throw dirty underwear against the wall until something sticks. He is the comeback champion in rhetoric though so I stopped talking about that also. I was an island politically also. I lost every discussion on that one also even though my facts were proven right over time.

I found out that a lot of people don’t have a sense of history or really understand anything other than reading and repeating talking points they are told to think. Social media is making idiots out of the next generations. Knowing how to find information is not the same thing as understanding why things are the way they are.

I was already recognizing the pattern of facts that led to the truth, just not when I wanted it. I’d never make it as a lawyer or politician.

Maybe that’s why I write about this. It gets my thoughts (mostly cogently) in order and documents my position. It’s all I have sometimes. Since the internet is forever, here you go in the future if you read this.

Very rarely in my life do I have the proper comeback. It’s not satisfying when I do compared to the frustration of not being drop quick witted and precise information when needed.

So, I just have decided to let some stuff pass. It gets me out of talking to the under educated anyway.

The other lesson?

“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

― Mark Twain

More Introvert Strategies For Escaping When You Have To

If I can’t get out of going to a social event (forget parties), this is my next best option.

I’ve done it on dates also.

I hit on a girl in one of my classes in college because she was kind of cute and noticeably large casaba’s. To this day, it was the most boring date of my life. I thought she didn’t like me, but I found out she was just uninteresting. We went to dinner where I thought we could at least talk about the class we just finished.

She appeared in the school magazine 40 years later doing turtle research and guess what? She never got married. Others must have found out what I did.

I didn’t take her for being a switch hitter, so she just didn’t try. I can’t even call her an introvert as I saw her talk in class for a whole semester.

I didn’t have a hard time carrying on back then as those were my drinking years. I tried to keep it going and had other plans (dancing I believe) later that night but took her home. It was going nowhere and I was tired of trying. I dated a lot and was in my prime so a lot of others at least did their part in trying to keep it going.

After going home, I went out with my friends to a bar later to brag that I got out of one of the worst dates of my life.

Now, I don’t drink anymore and I get out of banal socializing as often as I can before it happens. I like this method best.

By chance I have to go, I know where the bathroom is and play with the pets.

Still, leaving is usually my favorite part of going to these.

The Real Reason I Quit Facebook

That’s right, I’m keeping the past in the past.

When I was first on fake book (an early adopter), it was great until people came back that I didn’t want to ever see again. That’s pretty much the way it is for most of my life. When you are in the past, you stay there. It’s too much drama for me to catch up. I have trouble with seeing people I haven’t seen in a while and it’s awkward.

It’s not just people from school or social groups I’ve been affiliated with, it’s family also. It’s very awkward as I know that were we not related that I’d never talk to them. I don’t with most anyway and have lost contact with a lot of the others.

Why haven’t we talked? The answer is usually because I didn’t want to. I have a hard time lying about that. I can fake being excited to see someone, I just refuse to do it anymore. It’s personality turn off when I see it in others.

I didn’t want anything connecting me to memories I didn’t want. It was painful enough the first time around. Why do I want to relive part of my life that are best left as experiences to learn from? I’d already moved on in life having parted ways once. Those memories of my early life don’t make me want to try and pretend it didn’t happen for me. I was glad it was over, dead and buried. It’s easier for me to deal with.

They kept wanting to connect. I did, but muted everyone, but finally I put them back in the history box where they belong, for a good reason. I had to dump it and remain true to myself.

If we were really friends, we wouldn’t need social media. I’m still friends with those who were my real friends. The rest are people I don’t connect with because we mutually don’t want to. To be fair, I mostly don’t want to connect with them, but that is my nature as an introvert.

I have listed other reasons in different posts that point out how fake people are on social media and that it is a time suck.

My life is better not seeing others. Let’s keep it that way.

Cancelling Plans, My Favorite

A close second is not talking, or on the phone.

I’m way happier when plans cancel than when they are made. It seems my social batter starts draining the minute I have to make them.

I get a turbo boost if they get cancelled and I get the time back.

It’s getting to where you don’t have to talk much on the phone. I’ve got 3 spam blockers so I don’t even have to suffer through that anymore.

Still, if you have to make the call, leaving a message is the best outcome.

My New Years Resolutions

I usually have the same ones, I don’t make them. If I’m going to do something, I’m already doing it and will continue.

I work out all the time and see the new people at the gym trying to get into shape or lose weight every year this time. They are usually gone by February. A certain day in the year can’t replace internal fortitude. You have passion about something and do it or it won’t continue. You lose interest or gain interest in something else. (That is the same reason I hate my birthday, it’s not going to make you any happier. I refuse to make some day more special because others say so, the same with exercising beginning on NYD)

I got lucky on Covid. I never took the clot shot for the Wuhan virus. I know the next crisis is leaving the station to be here in time for the 2024 election cycle. Don’t buy it. I hope to discern it quickly and not fall for that either. I’ll be watching though.

The one thing I will do even more diligently is protect myself from the WEF, the US government, Big Pharma and Washington. They have shown no interest in anyone other than themselves. They got away with one scaring everyone with Covid, but I hope to stay even more awake to this as well as wake up the sheep that have been in line. They either got lucky with the timing or that was a trial run. Only time will tell.

They did more to stop Hydroxycholoroquine and Ivermectin than they did Fentanyl. They opened the borders that let more of this death drug in.

I’ve been getting a lot of hits from China recently. If it is the government, history is not on your side. Stop the shit and enjoy your economic freedom before you cut your own throats. I don’t expect that to happen. I look for worse things.

If the readers are Chinese citizens, find a way to stop the CCP from ruining your country. That is your resolution. I’ll keep posting the truth

Personally, I talked about exercise above, but looking at everything skeptically and trying to protect myself and inform others will also continue.

My wish for others besides being saved is to wake up and stop believing what you are told. We formed a country by not putting up with this crap from people who think they are the ruling elite. We killed them to stop the shit that the current government is jamming down our throats. I can’t believe that people would be the sheep that they have been since 2020.

I’ll be more introverted, it happens in life. I’ve got other issues to work on, but I’ll still look for an escape before I go somewhere and size up the people in the room as to who is a threat.

I’ll fight woke also. That is as racist and discriminatory as anything. It’s get-evenism (I made that up). It’s a bullshit scheme to steal free money. I started the year by dropping Hulu because of Disney.

One Of The Things I Hate About Christmas

There is a long list of commercialized things overdone about it, but here is another.

I’m down to gift bags now as I can’t be bothered.

As an Introvert, there is too much going on for too long. By the time Christmas finally comes, my social battery is negative. I hate all the attention about something people don’t care about the rest of the year, including the people they buy presents for.

I see it is corrupting why we really celebrate Christmas, but it’s been ruined for me for life.

It’s already started, too early again. The stores were full of Christmas before Halloween.

On top of being an introvert nightmare for too much attention for the wrong reasons and this makes it a tough season for me.

I see these unhappy people for 11 months and then they pretend that everything is great. I know who they are the rest of the year and don’t believe their lies.

Introvert Time Again, My Life Up In Pictures

Seriously, just because I’m there doesn’t mean I want to do stuff like small talk. Sometimes I don’t talk just to see if they notice.

Text before knocking

Every day I get older, the more this is true.

I treat people the way they should be treated, accordingly. It’s how I can be nice to one person and an asshole to the next. It’s on you.

I don’t kid about this one. I kill people off in my autobiography a lot.