Tag: introverts

Name your top three pet peeves.

Name your top three pet peeves.

Unless you are new here, you know I’m an introvert. That puts small talk at the top of the list. It’s usually meaningless and content free. It’s irritating to listen to. Talk to me about something deep that stirs my intelligence and/or emotions, or has great content, then I’ll want to engage.

Next, big crowds. I usually avoid it unless it’s impossible. Sometimes a small crowd is big if they are people I don’t want to be around (like family gatherings).

I look for the first excuse to not go, or leave early if I have to. If I’m stuck in an auditorium, I’m by the exit so I can leave.

Finally, internet arguments. You can be the top expert in a field, write a thoughtful piece that is fully documented with facts, and the first comment is: bullshit. You can say almost anything, and people will find a way to argue about it. See a few posts below on commenting.

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23 Little Things Introverts Are Thankful for Anytime of the Year

“Waking up early or staying up late, when no one else is around. Peace. Silence. Bliss.”

Turkey. Pumpkin pie. Awkwardly chatting with Great Aunt Gladys. If you live in the U.S., you’re probably celebrating Thanksgiving. Inevitably, at some point, you’ll be asked to name something you’re thankful for. With that spirit in mind, here are 23 things introverts are generally thankful for — anytime of the year. What would you add to this list?

1. Coming home and finding the house unexpectedly empty. There’s nothing better than sneaking in a few hours (or even minutes) of unexpected solitude. Time to relax. Time to decompress. No obligatory, “How was your day?” Just space and freedom to be yourself. Ahhhh…

2. When your friend cancels on you at the last minute, and you kind of wanted to stay home anyway. This is just like #1: unexpected solitude.

3. Getting a Saturday afternoon to yourself. Perhaps even better than a few moments of unexpected solitude is knowing that you have hours and hours of alone time ahead of you.

4. Finding out that the party/event/meeting is ending earlier than you thought. Sure, introverts can socialize and even be leaders in the workplace. But for many of us, those things don’t come naturally. “Peopling” is a skill we’ve had to learn — kind of like learning a foreign language. And we all know how mentally exhausting it can be to speak a language you’re not entirely comfortable with. Any time spent away from the group (and in our natural inward “habitat”) is something we’re thankful for.

5. Discovering a good book that you can’t put down. Books (along with movies, music, and art) transport introverts to the place we love the most: the energizing world of ideas and imagination.

6. Having a meaningful conversation. How are you a different person today than you were five years ago? What’s on your mind lately? Do aliens exist? In our fast-paced society that values polite chitchat over substance, deep conversations don’t happen often. Yet it’s these meaningful interactions that nourish introverts and provide us with an antidote to social burnout. Something to be thankful for, indeed.

7. Meeting a fellow introvert who “gets” it. Or an extrovert who “gets” it by respecting your need for space and solitude. Feeling understood by another human being is about as magical as it gets.

8. When there’s a dog or cat at the party. Saved! (From small talk with humans, that is.)

9. Headphones. Pop on a pair when you’re in a public space — like a bus, airplane, coffee shop, or at your desk — and you signal to others that you’re not in the mood to chat. Hallelujah!

10. Arriving on your own to a party so you can leave whenever you want. For introverts, hell is being trapped somewhere surrounded by noise and people. Having an escape mechanism is key.

11. When someone says, “How are you?” and really means it. See #6.

12. When you don’t have to make awkward small talk. For some reason, people find silence awkward. So we strike up conversations about the weather with strangers in elevators. Or we erupt with a cheery, “How’s it going?” when we pass someone we barely know in the hallway at work. When introverts can get through the day with minimal chitchat, we’re thankful.

13. Waking up early or staying up late, when no one else is around. Peace. Silence. Bliss.

14. Downtime after a busy day. Socializing isn’t the only thing that drains introverts. Any kind of incoming stimulation, such as noise, time pressure, or activity, gets tiring. After a busy day, when we don’t have to do one more thing, we’re thankful.

15. A weekend with no social plans. But that doesn’t mean we won’t be doing anything. We’ll make our own plans. Introvert plans. Plans to read in bed. To binge watch our favorite show. To lounge around the house.

16. Self-checkout lanes, drive-throughs, food delivery, and online shopping. No, introverts don’t hate people. But we do try to minimize our “people” intake, because each interaction drains our limited social energy — especially the kind of surface-level interactions that usually take place in restaurants and stores.

17. Having to go to a store but unexpectedly finding it not busy. If you can’t do #16, this is the next best thing.

18. Time to think before responding. Many introverts struggle with word retrieval, because our brains may rely more on long-term memory than short-term memory (extroverts do the opposite). For this reason, we may have a hard time putting our thoughts into words, especially when we’re put on the spot in a meeting, on a first date, or when called on in class. We’re thankful for people who give us a few pressure-free moments to collect our thoughts before demanding an answer.

19. Texting. Similar to #18, introverts tend to feel more comfortable expressing themselves in writing than speaking. That’s because writing uses different pathways in the brain, which seem to flow more fluently for introverts. We’re thankful for every time we can send a text message instead of making a phone call.

20. Public spaces that are actually quiet. When parks, restaurants, coffee shops, bars, buses, and trains are chill, we’re thankful.

21. When you get to do your thing, uninterrupted. Alone time isn’t just about being alone. For many introverts, it’s a way to reconnect with our passions, hobbies, and artistic pursuits. It’s when we do deep, concentrated work. When our alone time is fragmented by other obligations (or interruptions from loved ones), introverts can get stressed. A long stretch of unbroken time to do our thing is something we’re immensely thankful for.

22. Your favorite beverage, a cozy blanket, and your favorite show. Alone.

23. “Me” time. Doing whatever relaxes you, energizes you, and brings you joy. 

Source

Introvert Thanksgiving Nightmare

Introverts hate being put on the spot, icebreakers, and networking events. My Brother in law (who I nicknamed Flounder from Animal House) did this to me on one of the 2 worst Thanksgivings I’ve had. He was at the other one also. I mumbled some answer when I should have just passed and felt awkward the whole meal.

You Get More Introverted With Age, According to Science

We all become more introverted as we get older, even the most extroverted among us. Of course we do

I’m a classic introvert, but in my teens and twenties, it was normal for me to spend almost every weekend with friends. Now, in my thirties, the perfect weekend is one with zero social plans.

And I’m not the only one socializing less these days. My extroverted friend, for example, used to run through her entire contact list, calling friends whenever she was alone in the car. She told me she hated the quiet, the emptiness, because being alone felt boring.

You know, for the whole 10–15 minutes it took to drive to the grocery store. Oh, the horror.

These days, I can rarely get her out for brunch or coffee. She’s content spending most nights at home with her husband and two kids. And I haven’t gotten one of her infamous calls in years.

So, what gives? Do we get more introverted as we get older?

Probably, says Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking — and this is actually a good thing. Let me explain.

Why We Become More Introverted With Age

In a post on Quiet Revolution, Susan Cain confirmed my suspicions: We tend to act more introverted as we get older. Psychologists call this “intrinsic maturation.” It means our personalities become more balanced, “like a kind of fine wine that mellows with age,” writes Cain.

Research also shows that our personalities do indeed change over time — and usually for the better. For instance, we become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as we grow, with the largest change in agreeableness happening during our thirties and continuing to improve into our sixties. “Agreeableness” is one of the traits measured by the Big Five personality scale, and people high in this trait are warm, friendly, and optimistic.

We also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less “people time” and excitement to feel a sense of happiness.

Psychologists have observed intrinsic maturation in people worldwide, from Germany to the UK, Spain, the Czech Republic, and Turkey. And it’s not just humans; they’ve observed it in chimps and monkeys, too.

This shift is why we slow down as we get older and begin enjoying a quieter, calmer life — and yes, it happens to both introverts and extroverts.

Becoming More Introverted Is a Good Thing

From an evolutionary standpoint, becoming more introverted as we age makes sense — and it’s probably a good thing.

“High levels of extroversion probably help with mating, which is why most of us are at our most sociable during our teenage and young adult years,” writes Susan Cain.

In other words, being more extroverted when you’re young might help you form important social connections and, ultimately, find a life partner. (Cue the flashbacks to awkward high school dances and “welcome week” in college.)

Then, at least in theory, by the time we reach our 30s, we’ve committed to a life path and a long-term relationship. We may have kids, a job, a spouse, and a mortgage — our lives are stable. So it becomes less important to constantly branch out in new directions and meet new people.

(Note that I said “in theory.” In my 30s, I still don’t have kids, a mortgage, or a wedding ring. These days, we have the luxury of not following evolution’s “script.”)

“If the task of the first half of life is to put yourself out there, the task of the second half is to make sense of where you’ve been,” explains Cain.

During the married-with-children years, think of how difficult it would be to raise a family and nurture close relationships if you were constantly popping into the next party. Even if you don’t marry or have kids, it would be hard to focus on your career, health, and life goals if you were always hanging out with friends like you did in your teens and twenties.

Once an Introvert, Always an Introvert

But there’s a catch: Our personalities only change so much.

In my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, I like to say that our personalities may evolve, but our temperaments remain constant.

This means that if you’re an introvert, you’ll always be an introvert, even at 90. And if you’re an extrovert — though you may slow down with age — you’ll always be an extrovert.

I’m talking big-picture here: who you are at your core.

Research supports this idea. In 2004, Harvard psychologists Jerome Kagan and Nancy Snidman studied individuals from infancy into adulthood. In one study, they exposed babies to unfamiliar stimuli and recorded their reactions. Some babies got upset, crying and flailing their arms and legs; these were labeled “highly reactive” to their environment.

Other babies remained calm around the new stimuli; they were the “low-reactive” ones.

When Kagan and Snidman checked in with these individuals later, they found that the “highly reactive” babies often grew up to be more cautious and reserved, while the “low-reactive” babies tended to stay sociable and daring as adults.

The bottom line? Our core temperament — whether cautious or sociable, introverted or extroverted — doesn’t change dramatically with age.

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say — even if you’re introverted, shy, or socially anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing.

An Example: Your High School Reunion

Consider, for instance, your high school reunion.

Let’s say you were very introverted in high school — perhaps the third-most introverted person in your graduating class. Over the years, you’ve grown more confident, agreeable, and comfortable in your own skin, but you’ve also become a bit more introverted. If you enjoyed hanging out with friends once a week in high school, maybe now in your thirties, you’re content with seeing them only once a month.

At your ten-year high school reunion, you notice everyone has slowed down a bit, enjoying a calmer, more stable life. But those who were very extroverted in high school are still much more extroverted than you.

You’re still approximately the third-most introverted person in your class — but now the whole group has shifted slightly toward the introverted side.

And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it might be exactly what we need to flourish as adults. If there’s one thing we introverts understand, it’s the deep satisfaction of a quiet life.

Source

My take, I just had my 50th high school reunion. I never even considered going. I enjoyed it immensely.

Different Headlines: Enhanced Games, How Fast Can They Run On Drugs?;

Enhanced Games

Enhanced Games Suffers Major Legal Setback; $800 Million Lawsuit Dismissed By Judge – We get to see how fast and strong they are on drugs. People will watch that.

How Brutal Communism is

Holodomor Memorial Day – Killing fields, Stalin’s purges, the truth about Socialism the left is trying to hide. It just shows how stupid the liberal women in NY were to vote in their own demise.

Miss Universe

Miss Jamaica Recovering After Faceplanting Off Stage, Being Carted Away On Stretcher During Miss Universe Pageant – She’s got some good ganga mon.

Piss off

Serial Urinator Kicked Out Of Baylor After Filming Himself Peeing On The Football Field And Other Landmarks

Bartenders

‘Shut Up And Drink Your Beer’: Texas Bartender Shares The Single Worst Thing You Can Tell A Bartender—Especially If You’re A Regular – Obviously an introvert. Small talk sucks.

Basketball

9 Richest Head Coaches In College Basketball – John Wooden is turning over in his grave

Nature

12-Foot Burmese Python Caught In SW Florida Makes Kaa From ‘The Jungle Book’ Look Like A Tiny Worm – Big ass snake

“He Was Running for His Life”: 11 Injured When Grizzly Attacks School Children, Teachers

Football

The 11 College Football Teams That Have Won The Most Conference Championships

Rice University Asks For Trouble With Dangerous (And Awesome) Student Beer Promotion – This won’t turn out well. Hold my beer.

Vaccines

Pfizer’s Promising mRNA Flu Shot vs. Americans’ Bad Memories – Don’t be a dumbass, stay away from this, very far away.

Climate Hoax (COP30)

US & Qatar Force EU Climate Policy U-Turn – End of the ESG Era? – ‘The beginning of the end of European climate socialism’ – The damage is done in the EU, though. They are now behind the rest of the world in energy for a lie.

Fraud

Lindsey Halligan reveals a ton of new evidence relating to Letitia James’s alleged mortgage fraud… – NBADJT, all the cases were attempts to get him not to run and to cause interference. He swatted them away and now all the prosecutors are in legal hot water.

Rapper Gets 14 Years in Prison for Funneling Millions of Dollars in Illegal Campaign Contributions to Obama in 2012 – so Obama cheated, who’s shocked?

Soros

Musk Calls Out Soros’ Radical Son: ‘Can You Stop Trying to Destroy Civilization?’ – Hungary banned them, why can’t we?

5th Column

127 Democrats Refuse to Vote to Condemn ‘Horrors of Socialism’ – America is the only country that can destroy America, and some are trying hard.

Minnesota Somalis Are Funding Terrorists – get rid of traitors

Sec. Marco Rubio makes profoundly important statement and policy move concerning the threat to the West that mass-Migration is causing

Liberal Women Role Play as Illegal Immigrants and Teach Volunteers How to Resist ICE – liberal white women, the scourge of the country right now.

Climate Scam

so another lie debunked. I wonder what emergency scare they’ll come up now that the climate hoax is falling apart?

Google Spying on you

Gmail is spying on you, like Google hasn’t been for years anyway.

Masculinity

Actor Anthony Mackie: “We’ve Been Living Through Death of American Male for Twenty Years” – The world needs men, real men who act like men. The downfall started with Metrosexuals, or as I call them, pussies. Act like men. If woke women don’t want that, they can have the weak beta males who will disappoint them the rest of their lives, or until they breakup, whichever comes first.

Air Travel (sucks)

FAA Reports 400% Surge of In-Flight Outbursts, DoT Launches Civility Campaign – why I hate traveling. People being assholes

Cars

Revology 1969 Boss 429 Mustang Is a Frankensteinian Work of Art – one of the best Mustangs (not counting specials like Rousch or Shelby). My ex-brother-in-law was able to burn rubber in 4th gear in his. He had to put in a slower transmission as the speed scared him so much.

Christmas Shooting In Concord NC

Almost 30K kids skipped school because they were illegals and got tipped off in next door Charlotte. Criminals are not going to be afraid of those fat donut eating girl cops. No wonder they picked this place to strike.

Insurance

Obamacare Is a Disaster, Just as Expected – not affordable, not any thing they promised and you didn’t get to keep your doctor or your existing plan. One of the biggest lies ever told.

What’s your favorite month of the year? Why?

What’s your favorite month of the year? Why?

January, actually December 26th. That’s when the world goes back to normal, and they stop playing all the same songs I’ve been hearing in the stores since October.

You can have too much of a good thing, and that is what they’ve done to Christmas, overdone it. I’m for the real meaning of our Savior being born, but people who don’t even care about that go overboard. It started in September with the Christmas decorations at the Home Improvement stores, and they are already up. Thanksgiving is next week.

It’s hard for introverts to process all the attention. We also know that for most people, it is fake. They act all happy and joyful, then get in their cars and cut you off and give you the finger.

All the production around it excites some, but drains introverted people. By the time we get to Christmas, our social battery is dead, and it’s hard to function. Look at the post a few below this on introvert hangovers, and that is what I’m talking about.

The holiday season is tough for some. Fake joy doesn’t make up for it. Too many people takes it out of me and I can’t wait for it to be over.

Feeling Drained? Here Are 12 Signs You Have an Introvert Hangover

An introvert hangover can leave you feeling exhausted, making you want nothing more than to escape to a quiet place alone.

Does this sound familiar?

You’ve spent the whole day with your friends or family. You’ve had a great time eating, playing games, and catching up. But now, you’re so exhausted you can barely see straight, while everyone else seems as energetic as ever. In fact, they’re already setting up the next game as you’re wondering how you can slip out the door.

The next day, after the event is over, is no better. You might have a headache, and your body may feel sore and drained, almost like the onset of the flu. You’re tired — so very tired.

If this resonates with you, you might be experiencing something we call an “introvert hangover.”

What Is the Introvert Hangover?

Introvert, Dear writer Shawna Courter coined the term “introvert hangover” in this article to describe the exhaustion she felt after celebrating Christmas with her in-laws. She writes:

“An introvert hangover is a pretty terrible thing to experience. It starts with an actual physical reaction to overstimulation. Your ears might ring, your eyes start to blur, and you feel like you’re going to hyperventilate. Maybe your palms sweat. And then your mind feels like it kind of shuts down, building barriers around itself as if you had been driving on a wide open road, and now you’re suddenly driving in a narrow tunnel. All you want is to be at home, alone, where it’s quiet.”

Yes, the introvert hangover is real. It’s a funny term that describes the serious social burnout many introverts experience, marked by significant mental and physical fatigue.

Here are 12 signs that you might have an introvert hangover, which I discuss in more detail in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts. You don’t need to experience all these symptoms to have one, and your symptoms might vary.

Signs of an Introvert Hangover

1. Every little thing gets on your nerves.

When you have an introvert hangover, even small annoyances can overwhelm you. Normally, you might brush off a sarcastic comment from your partner or stay calm when you misplace your keys — but not in this state. An introvert hangover can make it feel as though your head is so full it might burst, leaving no room for even the smallest extra bit of information. Because you’re so tired, you may find it hard to control your emotions.

2. You struggle to make decisions.

Even small decisions become difficult. Paper or plastic? Pumpkin pie or cherry? Normally, these choices wouldn’t be hard, but when you have an introvert hangover, your brain is so tired that it doesn’t function properly. For bigger issues, you might find yourself obsessively thinking about the situation to the point of frustration. You’re searching for that one piece of information that will show the right way forward, but because you’re so exhausted, your mind can’t focus enough to find it.

3. You can’t think clearly.

Similar to the previous point, you’re so tired that it feels like your mind is processing everything in slow motion. You might struggle to recall details of things you should easily know, like your daily schedule, where you left your phone, or even common passwords.

4. Your speech changes.

You might speak slower, with unusually long pauses between your words. Sometimes, you might use words that are close to what you mean but not quite right — for instance, “dessert” becomes “candy” and “where’s my coat” becomes just a vague gesture. You might even seem a bit intoxicated, even if you haven’t had much or any alcohol. You might slur your words together, mispronounce them, or both.

5. You feel physically unwell.

Some introverts report experiencing headaches, muscle aches, upset stomachs, or other physical symptoms.

6. You’re tired.

Like, really tired. It feels like you’ve just finished an intense workout at the gym. If someone offered you a quiet spot to nap, you’d accept it immediately. After the social event, you find yourself collapsing on the couch, skipping your usual evening routine, or heading straight to bed.

7. You’re zoning out.

You find it hard to focus. Someone might be speaking, but you’re not absorbing their words. Your expression may appear blank, sad, or even angry, but you’re not necessarily upset. Your mind is simply wandering, perhaps lost in thought or daydreaming.

8. You feel anxious.

For some, an introvert hangover can intensify their anxiety. In social situations, they might feel particularly nervous, worried about how others perceive them and concerned they might say or do the wrong thing. They may also find themselves overthinking a particular decision, unable to escape an anxious thought spiral due to their fatigue.

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say — even if you’re introverted, shy, or socially anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing.

9. You feel depressed.

An introvert hangover can also trigger feelings of depression. You might find yourself overwhelmed by pessimism and cynicism, questioning past decisions, and experiencing dark thoughts. Everything in life may seem bleak or not okay.

10. You’re not acting like yourself.

You might be quieter or not as cheerful as usual. Something seems off, and those close to you are likely to pick up on it.

11. You can’t handle small talk anymore.

When you’re experiencing an introvert hangover at a social event, you might find it hard to keep up with conversations. You’ve run out of small talk. Your mind is just too tired to think of anything polite or interesting to say.

12. You have an intense desire to be alone.

When you’re dealing with an introvert hangover, all you crave is solitude. Whether it’s sneaking off to the bathroom during a social gathering or cozying up in your pajamas afterward, you just need some time for yourself. For introverts, there’s nothing quite like the comfort of being alone after a hectic day or social gathering.

What Causes an Introvert Hangover?

Research shows that everyone eventually gets tired from socializing, including extroverts. Socializing requires energy, and after a while, everyone reaches their limit. However, introverts experience social burnout more quickly and intensely.

Why is this the case? Introverts are generally more sensitive to noise and other forms of stimulation compared to extroverts. Their dopamine systems are less active, meaning that an overload of dopamine — the “feel good” neurotransmitter — can leave them feeling tired and overstimulated. In contrast, extroverts often feel energized by the same levels of dopamine, which can help them push past social fatigue.

To learn more about why introverts need time alone and why they get easily drained from socializing, click here.

The Cure for an Introvert Hangover

The best way to recover from an introvert hangover is to spend time alone in a peaceful, quiet environment. Do your favorite self-care activities or hobbies — anything that helps uplift your mood and energy. For introverts, solitude is as essential as food and water.

If you can’t be completely alone, look for small ways to take a break. You could listen to soothing music with headphones, go for a walk, or find a quiet corner to read. Even short breaks can make a difference.

As introverts, we might feel pressured to fit into a society that often values extroverted behavior. You might worry that prioritizing your needs could inconvenience others or hurt their feelings. This pressure can lead you to hide or deny what you really need, causing more stress.

Remember that your needs as an introvert are valid. It’s perfectly okay to leave a party early or to spend time alone. Your needs are real and deserve respect.

Source

The holiday season is here. It’s the worst 2 months of the year for me. What is telling is that as soon as the presents are opened, people go right back to the other 10 months of the year.

I cringed when I saw the decorations for sale in September, and they started going up 50 days before Christmas near me. My energy started draining on the spot

Different Headline: 5 Descendents of Di Vinci Did Extrordinary Things; Diet Coke Addiction Worse Than Imagined; Cadillac or Rolls Royce For The Same Price?; Marrying An AI Husband; Master Internet Trolling…..and more

Food Addiction

‘As A Former Diet Coke Aholic, It Is So Hard To Give It Up’: Delta Flight Attendant Says First-Class Passenger Asked For Strange Request. So She Complied—And Got $35 For It – That stuff is poison

Dad Humor

‘I Would Die’: Florida Woman Borrows Her Dad’s Shirt, Starts Getting Compliments From ‘Old Men.’ Then She Reads The Back Of It

Introverts

‘Do They Know Introverts Exist???’: New York Man Chooses To Enjoy His Lunch Alone Instead Of With Co-Workers. He Didn’t Expect It To Cost Him His Job – What a crappy company

Covid PPP Fraud

Democrat Ex-Lawmaker Who Heckled Trump Convicted in Covid Fraud Scheme – Stupid is as stupid does. Can’t keep his trap shut

Cars

Would You Rather Spend Over $400K on a Cadillac Celestiq or a Rolls-Royce Ghost? – I wouldn’t spend $8 on a Cadilac.

Internet Master Trolling.

Dana Perino Lets Commiela Harris Know What Game She Was Really Playing Against Trump (Not ‘3-D Chess’) – I wonder if Kamala even knew she got trolled

Artificial Intelligence

People Are Now Having AI “Children” With Their AI Partners – It’s best this way. People like this don’t need to bring real children into the world

Euginics

Silicon Valley Elites Pump Cash into Banned Genetically Modified Babies Research

Didn’t they try this in the 1930’s in Germany? Stop trying to play God.

Racism

Michelle Obama’s Bigoted Book Tour – She lived the privileged life while lying, whining and hating white people. She drank top shelf booze and wasted millions of taxpayer money on her vacations that she took friends and family on. What and ungrateful and bigoted bitch. She picked the most dumbassed topic to harp on. No one really cares about her, nor do they care about her looks.

DNA

Five Men Spent Their Lives Doing Extraordinary Things… Turns Out They Were Da Vinci’s Secret Descendants… – It was the Y Chromosome passed down.

Marrying an AI Husband

Bride weds AI-groom she created using ChatGPT in dual real-life and virtual reality ceremony – psycho-chicks. Men are better off if she stays with the fake husband instead of ruining the life of a real life man.

Cars

Locked Out: How Big Auto Could Destroy the Used-Car Market – The stakes are enormous: 273,000 repair shops, 900,000 technicians, and 293 million vehicles could be affected.

Islam

The European Tragedy Comes to America – It’s the same war that’s been fought since 610. They ruin every country they invade, either by immigration or war.

Covid and Wuhan Labs

U.S. Spy Agencies Had Ties to Wuhan Scientists Years before 2020 Covid Pandemic Began

13 Things Introverts Find ‘Horrifying’

1. When people call — and a text or email would have been more than sufficient.

As an introvert, I am frightened by people who call when a text or email would be more than sufficient. There is a certain anxiety that comes with an open-ended conversation, since phone conversations are expected to take longer than the 10 seconds necessary to transmit the information. This anxiety is compounded by the lack of visual cues during a phone call that are vital to us introverts, but are often summarily ignored by extroverts. 

–Steve

2. Not being able to exit an intense social setting.

The thing that horrifies me the most is not being able to exit an intense social setting. If I am somewhere and don’t have an out, my stress level skyrockets. I need to know that I have a way to step out or leave so I can recharge. 

–Lou

3. Networking events. Period.

Networking events are made for extroverts who gain energy by being around people and engaging with them. However, for most introverts, networking events are generally uncomfortable and terrifying — we find it hard to be open and let strangers into our lives. We are atrocious at small talk, and it is challenging to establish rapport with new people. For us, networking is definitely out of our comfort zone and ranks as one the top scary things for introverts.

–Albert

4. Being put on the spot.

My biggest fear is of being put on the spot to say something in a group or public setting when I’m not prepared. That feeling of all eyes turning to me to say something off-the-cuff really makes me uncomfortable! 

–Jen

5. Two words that strike intense fear into my heart are “overnight stay.”

I may be an introvert, but I love people. I can have a great time seeing friends and family and love spending time together over a few drinks and board games. But if we need to stay overnight? That’s when anxiety sets in. Keeping up the social energy in the morning, not knowing when we’ll be able to duck out and find some respite — these thoughts embed themselves into the back of my mind, which makes socializing that much harder.

–Mike

6. First dates terrify me. 

First dates terrify me because of my aversion to small talk and awkward silences. I can talk to someone online, no problem, but face-to-face? I make very weird small talk because I’m nervous. The terror is, I see the date and he’s not who I’m interested in when I meet him in person. Then I just want to leave as quickly as possible, so the small talk becomes even more painful. I just sit there, in anxious terror, and blurt out the first thing that comes into my head, whether it’s appropriate or not. 

Prime example: I went out on a one-date-wonder a few years ago. We met for lunch, he didn’t appeal to me in person, awkward silence ensued. The only thing I thought to say was: “Armadillos are the only other mammal that contract leprosy from humans.” (I learned that factoid in fifth grade and who would have thought it’d stick with me 35 years later?!) He looked at me in horror and I fled. I never heard from him again — whew!

–Lisa

7. Public speaking scares me to death. 

Any sort of public speaking scares me to death as someone who is basically a career introvert. It doesn’t matter if I’m leading a meeting of three participants or speaking to a larger audience, the thought of being the center of attention in any way, shape, or form truly terrifies me. It’s kind of like a fear of heights — you don’t understand it truly unless you suffer from it. All of the workarounds don’t seem to work, and I just manage it by avoiding it as much as possible. 

–David

8. Getting trapped in a social commitment that goes on for hours.

There’s nothing more frightening than getting trapped in a social commitment that can prolong for hours (like public speaking or large parties). I prefer shorter engagements when my energy levels are higher, but once things drag on, it becomes impossible to focus and incredibly uncomfortable! 

–Sara

9. Having roommates — thus having to be social all the time — is an introvert’s worst nightmare.

The one thing that scares me a lot is living with my friends permanently. While I enjoy socializing, after a while, I am mentally drained and need time to recharge. If I had to live with friends, I’d feel obligated to be social all the time and that would be mentally stressful for me as an introvert because I wouldn’t have “space” to get away from them. You’re stuck living in the same place, and I feel that would be pretty unbearable.

–Roger

10. My biggest fear is being embarrassed.

As an introvert who avoids social interaction at nearly all costs, my biggest fear is being embarrassed. When I’m in public, I usually become solely focused on how I look to other people, what others think of me, and the assumptions they make of me. In the past, it’s affected everything from the way that I walk to the comments I make to even the tone of my voice. It can be kind of brutal, but it’s something I’ve learned to deal with. Staying out of the public eye seems to help with that.

–Mike

11. I feel my introversion can scare off a romantic partner.

One thing that scares me is that being introverted and very independent could cause damage to my relationship or scare them off. 

–Lauren

12. I fear being alone forever because of my introversion.

We all need love and companionship, but as an introvert, I don’t like feeling like I have to compete for “airtime” in social gatherings. I love my alone time, but still want a solid group of loved ones. 

–Tolu

13. I find it horrifying when my work manager announces, “Let’s have a team-building exercise today.”

I call myself an introvert, as I am someone who enjoys alone time, would rather stay home than go to a party on weekends, and I regain energy by spending time away from people. 

The one thing that terrifies me is when my work manager announces, “Let’s have a team-building exercise today.” Though we introverts tend to be team players — as we are all about deep work and being invested in the goals of the group — when it comes to group or team activities, it scares us. Team-building exercises involve interacting with people, small talk, and, in some cases, having the spotlight on you alone. These are all things my introverted self dreads and runs away from.

Source

12 doesn’t bother me, and I pretty much have gotten over being embarrassed, but the rest are true. I have to face number 5 on Thanksgiving with a houseful of extroverts.

I got told that I have to take care of some adolescents that I’m related to next summer and the anxiety has already set in.

8 Confessions of an Extreme Introvert

By Delilah Ho

If I come across as rude, it’s not that I don’t like you. As a very introverted person, I’m probably just uncomfortable.

It’s difficult being an introvert in a world that only works smoothly if you’re an extrovert. You’re expected to perform well in large groups, socialize often, speak up loudly, and be outgoing. As a highly introverted person, I get mentally and physically fatigued doing all of those things on a daily basis.

Here are eight things I wish people knew about me as an extreme introvert who also experiences social anxiety. Fellow “quiet ones,” can you relate?

Confessions of an Extreme Introvert

1. If I come across as rude, it’s not that I don’t like you. I’m probably just uncomfortable.

Some assume that I don’t like people because I don’t talk or smile much when I first meet them. It’s never my intention to be rude or cold, it’s just that there are a thousand things running through my head at the moment: “What should I say?” “What do you think of me?” and “Do I look like a hot mess right now?” And so on.

I’m quiet around the people I don’t know well, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like them. As an extreme introvert, I’m just uncomfortable when meeting new people. Honestly, sometimes just being around new people overwhelms me and I freeze up.

It’s easy for my extroverted friends to chat with strangers and make new friends at practically a moment’s notice. But for me, it’s like I need a month in advance to mentally prepare! And even if I did get that advanced notice, when the day arrived, I probably still would not feel ready.

2. I love being alone but I hate the loneliness.

As an introvert, I enjoy doing things by myself. I go shopping on my own. I go to coffee shops on my own. I go to the movies on my own — and I absolutely love it. I don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable being alone in public. Honestly, it’s my preferred state. I love watching everything going on around me and being alone with my own thoughts.

However, as much as I relish being alone, there are times when I crave the love, company, and affection of other human beings. Although I say that I don’t mind doing things alone, sometimes I wish I had someone to do those things with me.

You know, doing what friends do.

You see, no one likes being lonely, even if they’re extremely introverted. We “quiet ones” need close relationships and strong connections in our life, too.

3. Small talk makes me nervous.

I despise small talk because I don’t know how to act around small talk. Usually, when people engage me in chitchat, I give short answers like “oh” and “yeah.” As a result, I think I unintentionally come across as aloof or rude.

Little by little, I’m getting better at making conversation, because it can be a joy to talk with someone who “gets” me. But to be completely honest, I still get nervous chatting about the weather or my weekend plans. It makes my heart beat fast, and later, I think about how I acted in the conversation. Sometimes I beat myself up for not knowing what to say or do. I know not every introvert experiences social anxiety, but it’s my reality every day.

I actually prefer deep conversations straight away.

Ask me what I think of the latest news. Ask me what I think of Freud. Ask me what I think about global warming. Oddly, I can answer those questions without feeling the least bit awkward.

4. I wish I had more close friends.

I have a small group of good friends. They are people who I feel comfortable being around, so I almost always hang out exclusively with them. But if I’m being honest, I wish I had more people that I could hang out with. Yet this goes back to #1 — I feel uncomfortable meeting new people.

Honestly, there are times when I wish people would approach me instead of me having to approach them. That may seem like a strange thing for an extreme introvert to say, but it’s easier for me when other people take the lead in social situations.

Because of this challenge, I finished four years of college with hardly any friends. I may say that, as an extreme introvert, I’m fine with it, but I actually regret not making more of an effort to meet people. Again, it’s a skill I’m working to improve, but like any new skill, it takes time.

5. Even though I love him, dealing with my extroverted boyfriend can be stressful.

I love my extroverted boyfriend but sometimes it drains me to be with him.

He often wants to do things that I would not do in a million years, and he struggles to understand why I’d rather stay home than go out and “explore,” as he calls it. He wants me to meet his friends and family, but I get extremely anxious just thinking about doing that. Sometimes he tells me about social plans last minute, which gives me little time to mentally prepare.

Source

Personally, I don’t agree with number 4. I’m good with what I have. I weed out the insincere ones and my friends are my true friends, few as they are

What Does AI Have To Say About This Blog

For kicks, I asked a couple of different engines….here you go

The blog johnsimonds.com, also known as “Delusions of Adequacy,” is written by John Simonds, a critical thinker and writer who uses sarcasm and analytical pattern recognition to explore various topics. The blog lampoons subjects like “Woke” culture, the behavior of “Karens,” hypocrites in positions of power, social media, technology, global power, and issues requiring thoughtful analysis.

Delusions is a platform where he expresses his sharp wit and critique of societal trends, often highlighting power grabs and manipulation, such as his early views on the COVID-19 vaccine narrative. His writing features a sarcastic tone combined with deep pattern recognition and analysis, aiming to reveal truths often obscured by media and political influences. Alongside societal topics, he also writes about introversion, IQ, and success strategies based on his observations and experiences.

Delusions has a background in communications and analyst relations, having worked for companies like IBM. His education includes philosophy (school of hard knocks) and business administration. The blog reflects his intellectual and somewhat contrarian perspective, mingled with a sarcastic style.

Overall, Delusions of Adequacy serves as an outlet for his critical and sometimes provocative views on contemporary cultural and political matters, as well as insights into intelligence, social behavior, and personal development.

—

Then, there’s this:

Ideological / Political Slant
The blog clearly leans strongly toward conservative / anti‑liberal, reactionary rhetoric. Some posts present critiques of “left” ideologies, social justice, or what the author perceives as overreach by government, media, or academia. The language is blunt and provocative. (got that one right)

Mix of Personal and Public
The blog seems to straddle the line between being a personal blog (writing about “My Life,” self‑help, work experiences) and being an opinion / commentary site. The author uses personal voice, “I” statements, reflections, but also publishes political and public commentary. (yep)

Content, Themes & Style

  • The blog has multiple categories: My Life, Self‑Help, Work, News, General / Opinion, etc.
  • Self‑help category includes posts about mental and physical health, learning, productivity, and life decisions.
  • Work category includes posts critical of meetings, on work ethic, reflections from earlier jobs, aversion to inefficiency.
  • News / Political / Public Commentary is present — e.g. a post about Dr. Jorge Zamora‑Quezada’s alleged medical fraud is under the “news” category.
  • Another post, “Why Vegans Aren’t As Smart – Your Brain Needs Meat,” uses dismissive, provocative language toward veganism, calling it a “religion” and mocking it.
  • The tone is partisan and loaded: for instance, in a post about Jimmy Kimmel and celebrity commentary, the author uses strong language (“celebtards,” “they are so stupid,” etc.) and frames the discussion in combative, ideological terms.
  • Many posts are dated and archived over the years, including ones from 2012 (e.g. “How An Average Joe Can Be A Millionaire”)

Well, it’s somewhat close. At least they got the combatative, sarcastic, blunt, provocative and celebtards right. I thought I called Kimmel an asshole.

They missed the whole Introvert thing. That’s important to me

Oh, I do mock vegans. Sorry, but not sorry.

The Real Reason Introverts Hate Small Talk

Small talk is neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating, so it can feel like a waste of an introvert’s limited social energy.

Does anyone actually enjoy chatting at length about the weather? Unless you’re a meteorologist, probably not.

More often than not, small talk becomes the go-to conversation when we’re at a loss for words. It fills awkward silences, it eases tension during initial meetings, and it can help steer clear of controversial topics.

But it gets old fast.

Introvert Small Talk

Now, if you’re an introvert like me, you might hate the small talk ritual. Jon Baker, a business coach for introverts, found that 74 percent of introverts said they dislike small talk, as opposed to only 23 percent of extroverts who said they dislike it.

Why do the majority of introverts hate small talk?

By definition, introverts are people who feel drained by socializing and recharge their energy by spending time alone. Because small talk is neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating, it can feel like an inefficient use of their limited social energy. In other words, if introverts are going to use up their energy, they want to spend it in ways that really count.

(Not sure if you’re an introvert? Here are 21 signs that confirm you’re an introvert.)

Also introverts tend to enjoy delving deep into topics and exploring ideas on a meaningful level. It’s more energizing to talk about things that feel important and relevant to them. Small talk, by its very nature, remains at a surface level.

But those aren’t the real reasons introverts might hate small talk.

Why Introverts Hate Small Talk

It’s not that introverts hate socializing or people. Even though we’re introverts, we still need close, healthy relationships to thrive.

As my friend Dr. Laurie Helgoe points out in her fascinating book, Introvert Power, “Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”

Small talk doesn’t bring people closer. Quite the opposite — it can create a barrier that prevents the kind of genuine, intimate connections we all crave.

Think about it. When two people get stuck in small-talk mode, discussing only “safe” and polite topics like the weather, they don’t really learn anything new about each other. They don’t get to know the other person or understand who they are. They miss discovering that their conversation partner, for example, wakes up early to go birdwatching, hates the color yellow, or grew up on a family farm.

As a result, the relationship doesn’t grow in a satisfying way. In general, introverts are interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, life lessons, and experiences, which isn’t usually achieved through small talk.

The key is to transform small talk into meaningful conversation. Here are some tips from my upcoming course, Easy Conversation, designed to help introverts and those who are shy or socially anxious feel at ease in social situations and enjoy more fun, meaningful conversations.

Small Talk Tips for Introverts

Small talk has its place. Patrick King, in his book Better Small Talk, explains that socializing and cultivating relationships happen by degrees, not all at once. “Zoom out, and you can see where small talk fits in and why it’s so important — it’s the first of many steps in closing the distance between you and another person,” he writes. Small talk allows us to warm up to each other, but it’s not where we want to stay.

The secret to not just surviving, but also enjoying small talk, lies in transforming it into a meaningful conversation. If you’re an introvert, meaningful conversation will give you a much-needed energy boost. When you’re immersed in an interesting or thoughtful conversation, you might just end up chatting the night away!

So, here are four tips to turn small talk into more meaningful conversations.

1. Invite the other person to tell a story.

One powerful tool to make conversations more meaningful is to encourage the other person to share a story. To do this, avoid closed-ended questions, those that can be answered with a simple yes or no, or just a few words. Closed-ended questions like, “How are you?” or “Did you have a good day?” limit the depth of the response and can often end the conversation before it even starts.

Instead, ask open-ended questions. For example, instead of asking, “How was your day?,” try, “What was something interesting that happened today?” or “What did you do today that made you feel accomplished?” Questions like these invite the other person to tell a story.

Here are more ideas from Chris Colin and Rob Baedeker, authors of What to Talk About:

Instead of…

  • “What line of work are you in?”
  • “How was your weekend?”
  • “What’s up?”
  • “How long have you been living here?”

Try…

  • “How’d you end up in your line of work?”
  • “What was the best part of your weekend?”
  • “What are you looking forward to this week?”
  • “What’s a strange detail about where you grew up?”

2. Ask why instead of what.

Here’s a twist on asking open-ended questions: Instead of asking only about the facts, the what, probe deeper into the why. This strategy, suggested by The Date Report, pushes the conversation beyond surface-level information and delves into the person’s motivations and values.

For example, after asking, “What college did you go to?,” ask a follow-up question like, “Why did you choose that college?” The second question will reveal much more about the person. Their answer might shed light on their passions, their decision-making process, or even their personal history.

Similarly, if someone shares that they recently watched a particular movie, rather than just asking, “What was the movie about?,” you could ask, “Why did you pick that movie?” or “What about that movie appealed to you?” You might get some insight into their taste in cinema, their interests, or what kind of narratives or themes resonate with them.

In essence, asking why nudges the person to share more personal information, which can lead to a more meaningful conversation.

3. Share a few details and see what sticks.

This can be a hard one for us introverts, because we tend to dislike talking about ourselves. It places the spotlight directly on us, which might make us feel vulnerable and exposed. As a result, we may not open up for people unless we know them well. Unfortunately, this tendency can lead to a repetitive cycle of tedious small talk.

As I explain in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, a good strategy to break out of this cycle is to sprinkle a few personal details into your conversations and observe what resonates with the other person. For example, when faced with routine questions like, “How’s it going?” or “How are you?,” instead of responding with the standard, “I’m fine, how are you?,” try to expand on your answer by sharing a bit about your day. You could say, “I’m doing great! I woke up early this morning to jog along my favorite trail. It really invigorated me!” Or, “I’m feeling tired because my two-year-old woke me up in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t fall back asleep.”

When you share details about yourself, notice how the other person reacts. Do they show genuine interest and continue the conversation with a follow-up question like, “That sounds great! Where’s your favorite trail?” Or do they give a disinterested nod? If the other person doesn’t seem interested, try revealing another detail about yourself until you hit on a topic that gets the two of you talking.

This strategy is like throwing a few conversational lines into the water and waiting to see what bites. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it can become a natural and effective way to transform small talk into meaningful conversations. Remember, it’s not just about finding common ground; it’s about revealing the unique layers of your personality and allowing others to connect with you on a deeper level.

And, if you’re an introvert, this approach allows you to control the depth of self-disclosure, making the whole interaction more enjoyable.

4. Dare to be honest.

We often sacrifice expressing our true thoughts and feelings for the sake of politeness. But there’s something very authentic — and surprisingly charming — about being completely honest. In her book, The Irresistible Introvert, Michaela Chung encourages us to elevate conversations by voicing our honest feelings and thoughts, which can be surprisingly captivating. For instance, instead of nodding along and pretending to agree, try saying things like:

  • “To be honest, I don’t go to parties very much. I feel pretty overwhelmed being here.”
  • “I’m not a big talker, but I like listening.”
  • “I don’t like camping. Like, at all.”
  • “I’m really proud of that.”
  • “This feels awkward.”
  • “That hurt my feelings.”
  • “No. I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay home and have some me time.”

Such candid admissions might seem intimidating to share, but when done tactfully, it strengthens the bond between you and the other person. By sharing your preferences, feelings, and thoughts directly, you give the other person a chance to know you better. It also signals that you trust them enough to share your true feelings, which can make them feel more comfortable doing the same.

Remember, honesty isn’t about being blunt or rude; it’s about expressing your authentic self in a respectful manner. For introverts, these honest exchanges can make socializing more enjoyable and less draining, because they transform superficial small talk into meaningful, authentic conversation.

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For Introverts: 7 Signs Your Social Battery Is Running Low

In social settings, the introvert brain is busy processing every word and detail, which explains why it can feel so exhausting.

If you’re an introvert like me, the idea of being around a large group of people can feel overwhelming in a way that extroverts just don’t understand. If you get anxious just thinking about concerts, networking events, or even holiday parties, you’re not alone.

Spending too much time around people can lead to what’s called an “introvert hangover.” I’ve experienced this many times myself, but over the years, I’ve learned how to recognize the signs —

7 Signs Your Social Battery Is Running Low

1. You just don’t feel like talking.

Even if it’s someone you normally enjoy chatting with, when you just don’t feel like engaging in conversation, it may be a sign that you need alone time ASAP.

The introverted brain processes information more deeply, which means socializing can take more mental energy than it does for extroverts.

When we’re in a social setting, our brain is working overtime to take in all the conversations, stimuli, and dynamics happening around us. It’s no wonder this can be exhausting.

That’s why introverts need time alone to recharge our batteries and regain the energy drained during social interactions. Without it, we simply won’t feel like chatting!

2. You second-guess everything you say.

When you try to engage in conversation but feel like your words are coming out all wrong, it may be a sign that your brain is running on empty and needs some downtime to recharge.

When you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or worrying about how you’re being perceived, it adds even more strain to your mental reserves.

Bottom line: For introverts, processing information and managing our own thoughts and feelings at the same time can lead to decision fatigue.

3. The thought of being around people makes you anxious.

If the idea of interacting with others makes your palms sweat and your stomach churn, it’s a clear sign you may need to take a break from socializing until your energy levels return.

For introverts, being around people can be mentally exhausting, especially if we feel like we have to be “on” or put on a persona that doesn’t feel natural.

We also tend to prefer meaningful, one-on-one conversations over small talk or large group interactions, which can quickly drain our social battery.

4. You start zoning out during conversations.

Do your eyes glaze over when someone starts talking? That could be a sign your brain has reached its limit for social interaction and is craving peace and quiet.

Because social interaction consumes energy, the constant pressure to stay engaged, think of responses, and keep up with conversations can quickly become overwhelming. Eventually, the mental fatigue catches up, and we just zone out.

5. Your temper is shorter than usual.

It’s hard not to snap at people when all you really want is some quiet time to yourself. This can happen before you even realize your brain and body are overdue for a break.

For introverts, socializing can be stressful. As a result, our patience runs thin, and we may become easily frustrated or irritated. Suddenly, it feels like everyone and everything is getting under our skin.

6. You have trouble sleeping.

When our brains are overstimulated, it can keep us awake at night with racing thoughts.

Of course, difficulty sleeping can be caused by many things — from medical conditions to hormonal changes — but it can also be a sign of an introvert hangover.

Since we introverts burn through more energy while socializing, the aftermath can leave us feeling wired but tired. That “buzzed” feeling makes it harder to settle down and drift off.

If this sounds familiar, try carving out some extra downtime before bed — like reading a good book, journaling, or taking a warm bath — to help calm your mind. The key to healing your overstimulated brain is to get those zzz’s back on track.

7. You crave alone time.

This one comes as no surprise! If all you want is to escape the constant chatter and noise, chances are an introvert hangover is on its way.

While society often stigmatizes spending time alone, for introverts it’s a natural and necessary part of life. Alone time helps us recharge, feel refreshed, and show up as our best selves.

So take a look at your calendar and schedule solo time like it’s a non-negotiable appointment. It could be as simple as going for a walk, meditating, or journaling — whatever helps you reset.

Rest of the article and how to prevent this here, although I can’t prevent it.

How do you practice self-care?

How do you practice self-care?

Set boundaries

I had to learn that lesson the hard way. If it meant my sanity or a friendship, I’ve gone both ways, but I’m protecting my ass from now on.

I’ve done too much stuff that when in the middle of doing said stuff I thought, “I really don’t want to be here or doing this”. I don’t do that shit anymore. If it looks like a suck now, I bail early.

I also don’t let people run over me. It’s not that I was a dormat, I just didn’t understand that some people would use you and take you for granted. It never had occurred to me until it happened to my ass over and over again. I didn’t even know at first you could say no and not hurt someone’s feelings.

Well, no more. I draw the line. I’ve seen it upset people, only to find the people not being upset or even thinking of me shortly thereafter.

It’s made my life a lot better because I’m not in situations that I don’t want to be in.

You’d think it would have taken me less time to figure this out, but no.

What do you enjoy most about writing?

What do you enjoy most about writing?

What I like best about writing is it forces me to slow down and makes me think about what I’m saying. Grammatically, I think my writing is a disaster sometimes, but many times I’ve been able to deal with a situation in my head through unspoken words only to me. When the time came for the conflict or resolution, I was practiced and ready.

Anybody who reads my blog knows that you’re gonna get a lot of introvert information from me. When I write, I’m not talking, and since 90 % of talking is small talk, it has reduced value for me.

he Science Behind Why Introverts Need Alone Time

The same things that motivate and energize extroverts can feel tiring and annoying to introverts, such as a big party.

As an introvert, I love spending time alone. There’s almost nothing better than being at home in my comfy clothes, quietly reading a good book, or watching a show while munching on snacks. This doesn’t mean I don’t crave time with “my people” — those I laugh with, learn from, and share my day with. However, without enough alone time, I start to feel tired, irritable, and overstimulated, even when I’ve enjoyed the company of those I love.

I show all the classic signs of being an introvert.

Sometimes, when I need alone time, the people in my life feel hurt. They view it as if I’m rejecting them and our relationship. But it’s not about them. I need time alone to recharge my energy and function well in my daily life.

Why do introverts need alone time? Why does socializing exhaust us, even when we’re having fun? Recent research offers some interesting insights. I delve deeper into these findings in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts.

The Curious Connection Between Introverts and Rewards

When writing my book, I spoke with Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who had recently published a paper on introversion. He explained that one reason introverts need alone time is related to how we respond to rewards.

No, I’m not referring to the gold foil stars you might have earned in grade school (though it could be argued that stickers are indeed a reward for kids). For adults, rewards can be things like money, social status, social connections, sex, and food. When you get promoted at work or convince an attractive stranger to give you their phone number, you’re receiving a reward. Hurray!

Of course, introverts also value things like money, relationships, and food. However, researchers believe that introverts are wired to respond differently to rewards than extroverts. Compared to our more outgoing counterparts, we “quiet ones” are simply less motivated and energized by these same rewards. It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while introverts often see overcooked hamburgers.

In fact, as any introvert can confirm, sometimes those “rewards” aren’t just less appealing — they can actually be tiring and annoying, like a big party. This brings me to another reason why introverts need alone time: We react differently to stimulation.

An Extrovert and an Introvert Go to a Party

Take, for example, two friends at a house party — one an extrovert, the other an introvert. They’re crammed into a crowded room where loud music blares from huge speakers. Everyone is practically shouting to be heard over the din. There are a dozen conversations happening simultaneously, with just as many things demanding their attention.

For the extrovert, this level of stimulation might feel just right. He sees potential rewards everywhere — an attractive stranger across the room, opportunities to deepen old relationships, and the chance to make new friends. Most importantly, tonight offers a chance to boost his social status within his friend group, especially if he navigates the evening skillfully.

So, the extrovert feels energized and excited to be at the party. In fact, he’s so motivated that he stays late into the night. He’s exhausted the next day and needs time to recover — after all, partying is hard work. But to him, the energy spent was well worth it.

Now, back to our introvert. See him over there, hunkered down in the corner? For him, the environment feels overwhelming. It’s too loud, there are too many things happening at once, and the crowd creates a dizzying buzz of activity. Sure, he wants to make friends, fit in, and be liked, but these rewards just aren’t as tantalizing to him. It feels like he would have to expend a lot of energy for something he’s only mildly interested in to begin with.

So, the introvert heads home early to watch a movie with his roommate. In his own apartment, with just one other person, the level of stimulation feels just right. He exchanges some texts with a woman he met a few weeks ago in one of his classes. Like the extrovert, he too wants friends and a romantic partner. However, he finds it too tiring to deal with the noise and socializing at a big party to make those connections.

The Dopamine Difference

Chemically, there’s a good reason the introvert in the above scenario feels overwhelmed, and it relates to a neurotransmitter called dopamine. This chemical, found in the brain, is often referred to as the “feel good” chemical because it regulates our pleasure and reward centers.

One of its roles is to make us notice potential rewards and motivate us to pursue them. For example, dopamine alerts the extrovert to the attractive stranger at the party and fuels his motivation to come up with a cheesy pick-up line.

Another important function of dopamine is reducing our cost of effort. Socializing requires energy because it involves paying attention, listening, thinking, speaking, and moderating our emotional reactions. Technically, socializing is tiring for everyone, including extroverts. However, dopamine helps make it less exhausting for them.

According to DeYoung, extroverts have a more active dopamine reward system. As a result, they can better tolerate — and often push through — the tiredness that inevitably comes with socializing. Much of the time, they don’t experience the same level of mental and physical fatigue that introverts do, thanks to this dopamine boost.

It’s called the “introvert” hangover, not the “extrovert” hangover for a reason.

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Posting Might Be Light This Week

I’m on semi-vacation with some family. Go read my introvert posts on how well I do with that.

So I have some stuff ready, but mostly I’ll be watching my social battery drain. I went to one of the most average theme park yesterday. I mostly chased kids.

I’m already in introvert hangover

The Best Of Introvert Memes – Part 3

by this time, I was getting the hang of it and there was a lot of good stuff that hadn’t been replayed over and over. I think by the end of this best of, I finally decided on a title that I’ve stuck with.

Introvert Meme Time

Introvert Meme’s

Introvert Meme’s

Introvert Memes

Best Of Introvert Meme’s – Part 2

I was just finding out about this but I identified with so many of them it started coming together better every time I did it (for the most part).

Introvert Meme’s, Because They Are True

Introvert Meme Time

These Memes Perfectly Explain Introverts’ Thoughts at Holiday Parties

Meme’s Introverts Will Understand

There is some good stuff that you look at and say it’s both funny and true.

Best Of Introvert Meme’s – Part 2

Still in the pretty old stuff so should be better than the last one. As you can see, I was still playing around for a title. I think that is in the next round of best of.

Introvert Memes For How I Answer When I Get Invited To Something I Don’t Want To Go To

It’s Introvert Meme Time Again

Introvert Meme’s For My Introverted Readers

Introvert Meme’s

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I’m self-entertaining. I don’t need others to do something or for motivation to get something done. I’m perfectly happy to do a task alone and would likely enjoy it more.

It has other benefits such as I don’t look to others to see what I’m going to do, like not take the Covid-19 jab.

11 Things Introverts Secretly Wish You’d Stop Doing

Our extroverted culture encourages a lot of behaviors that aren’t introvert-friendly — things that drive us up a wall.

Are you an introvert who feels like your social battery is constantly low? Do you find yourself trapped in conversations you don’t want to be in — or just feeling misunderstood?

There’s a good chance the problem isn’t you. In fact, the problem might be that our extrovert-oriented culture encourages a lot of not-so-introvert-friendly behaviors — things that drive us up a wall (or send us retreating to our quiet homes) and make us wish the world had a mute button.

Here are some things we introverts wish other people would stop doing. I can’t speak for all introverts, but I believe these 11 things are common introvert pet peeves.

11 Things Introverts Wish You’d Stop Doing

1. Talking to them when they’re reading or doing some other solitary activity

I will never, ever understand why holding an open book isn’t the universal symbol for “don’t talk to me.” To me, the mere sight of a person reading a book implies a bright, neon Shh! Quiet, please! library sign floating in the air above them.

Instead, open a book in a public place, and you can practically hear the eyes swiveling toward you as every extroverted or bored person within a mile realizes, Ooh! Someone who doesn’t have anybody to talk to! They must be waiting for me to come wow them with my brilliant repartee!

No. We’re not. We are merely — and I swear this is true, as shocking as it may seem — trying to read. Please respect that.

(That said, if you ask what book we’re reading because you can’t see the cover, that’s fine. Just please leave the ball in our court as to whether the conversation continues.)

2. Not taking the hint when they no longer want to talk

I don’t want to be rude (or even appear rude). I want to be a nice person, who has a nice exchange with you, and then we nicely wrap it up after a moment and go our separate ways.

But if you want the Nice Introvert on my end, you have to give me the Conscientious Extrovert on your end — the one who can read subtle, polite cues and body language. (No shade to my neurodivergent friends, especially those on the autism spectrum — this doesn’t apply to you!)

To spell it out: If someone is glancing back at their laptop, book, or activity that you interrupted, or toward their vehicle or the exit, or if they say, “Well…” and trail off, or say, “It was nice meeting you,” they’re nicely telling you that your time is up. Let ‘em go.

Because if you don’t, Nice Introvert has to go away — and you’re going to get Uncomfortably Direct Introvert. And yes, I will walk away in the middle of your sentence.

(Most introverts, though, will suffer in silence to be polite. And that, honestly, is an even worse outcome. Don’t make them do that.)

3. Telling them “there won’t be many people” — then inviting everyone you know

I would love to be able to follow the labyrinth trail through an extrovert’s mind that leads from “I’m only inviting a few people” to “Hello, One-Hundredth Person to Arrive, come on in, there are drinks in the kitchen — just past the people playing Who Can Yell Words the Loudest, to the left of the 8,000-Decibel Sound System from Hell. Nope, you didn’t miss the Clown Car Full of People We Don’t Know Who Will Somehow Still Be Here; they should be arriving soon!”

However it happens, please stop.

It’s totally fine if you want a big house party — but just say that. If you tell us it’ll be small, quiet, and/or that not many people will be there, please understand that we are expecting a total of four to six people (or maybe a dozen if the word “party” was involved).

Keep in mind: To introverts, once a gathering is too big for everyone to be involved in the same conversation together, it’s no longer “small” — and it won’t make us happy.

4. Making introvert jokes

Okay, pop quiz: When is an introvert joke appropriate?

Answer: When an introvert is the one making it. Period. That’s all, folks.

Look, I get it — introverts are “a thing” in pop culture now, and the jokes are usually good-natured. (“Oh, you’re an introvert? You must hate being here!” Ba-dum-dum.)

Introvert jokes are, at best, a mild annoyance. But they’re also tedious, they reinforce inaccurate ideas about introversion, and honestly, they’re overused. (You’re not the first extrovert to come up with that line, I promise.)

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say — even if you’re introverted, shy, or socially anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing.

Be the first to hear when Jenn Granneman’s new book is released — and get two FREE gifts to help you feel more comfortable in conversations right now:

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5. Talking forever without asking the introvert about themselves

Just about every article about introverts says we’re “great at listening.” Are we? Or are we bored out of our minds and desperately looking for a way out while someone goes on and on about problems at their workplace — talking about people we don’t even know?

Look, I’m an introvert, and even I know that conversation is all about give and take. It’s about passing the torch. I tell a story or make a point, and then I give space for you to tell a story or make a point. We talk about my thing for a while, and then we talk about your thing. Sometimes this back-and-forth happens naturally; other times, you can prompt it by simply asking the other person a question.

But if you don’t pass the ball, the entire conversation becomes unpleasant.

The issue is, many introverts have softer voices or don’t jump in and start talking over someone else — which, to be clear, means we are being good conversation partners. But some extroverts (or clueless people of all stripes) take that to mean we’re riveted, and they just keep on going.

So stop. Ask me about myself. I promise I’ll do the same for you. (Or, at a minimum, I’ll take the opening to excuse myself and run in the opposite direction.)

6. Assuming any pause in conversation is your opening to take over

This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. We all know pauses in conversation are natural, right?

Sure, in a large group, if one person pauses, it’s a nice chance for someone else to add something. But introverts often need a few moments to formulate their thoughts before they start talking. Unfortunately, that doesn’t jibe with our species’ rapidly shrinking attention span, and people assume they can just jump in over us.

This is especially a problem in one-on-one conversations. For introverts, these are the perfect convos — the ones where both people can go a little deeper. If you ask us a question, or we open our mouths to talk and then pause, please, give us a beat. Let a few seconds go by. I guarantee you’ll become one of the few conversations we actually enjoyed that day — and it’ll probably be more interesting for you, too.

7. Lumping all introverts together, assuming they’re all shy, quiet, or socially awkward

Yeah, I get it. Lots of introverts don’t like public speaking. Lots of introverts hate the spotlight. Lots of introverts dislike parties. And some introverts are shy, feel socially awkward, or have social anxiety.

But guess what? Not all introverts check every single one of those boxes — and some don’t check any at all.

Personally, I love being in the spotlight, and lots of introverts are performers, public speakers, or otherwise stand in front of people for a living. (Some are even A-list celebrities — including Taylor Swift!)

Likewise, although I used to be very socially awkward, I spent a lot of years practicing my social skills, and now I feel comfortable talking to strangers at parties or networking events, or making conversation overall. And I might even enjoy a party for an hour or two — just not all night.

Really, the only thing all introverts have in common is that we get tired quickly from social interactions. That’s it. Whether we’re good or bad at any particular social skill — or whether we enjoy socializing up to a certain point — varies from person to person.

So, please, stop lumping us together.

8. Putting them on the spot

Say it with me: Introverts need time to mentally prepare.

That means we do not want to be handed the mic, called out in a group, asked to perform an impromptu song, or anything else that involves being put on the spot.

Here are some things you can try saying instead:

  • “For the bonfire party next week, would you be willing to bring your guitar and do a few songs? It’s okay if not.”
  • “Hey, we’re going to do toasts after dinner, and I’d like to ask you to give one. Could you think of something by then?”
  • “So-and-so was supposed to do the presentation today and just messaged that they’re stuck in traffic. I know you aren’t prepared, but you helped put together the deck. If I stall with the clients to buy you 10 minutes to prepare, could you do the presentation?”

Of course, the introvert may still decline — but by giving them some time to think about it and prepare, you’ll make for a much better experience for everyone.

9. Talking during movies, shows, and other events that don’t encourage talking

Okayyyyyyy, so I don’t know when this became a thing, but it seems like people treat shows and movies as background noise now — chit-chatting instead of, I don’t know, watching the show. Is it because there are subtitles on almost everything? Is it because the endless binge of episodes isn’t very satisfying, so you need something more?

To this, I daresay most introverts are more interested in following the plotline than we are in bantering about your workday.

To be clear: Once a show or movie is turned on, you have two options — either zip it and watch, or pause the show when you have something important to say. (But don’t overuse the pausing privileges.)

10. Treating them as your personal therapist

Introverts can be deep and thoughtful. We can also come across as wise — sometimes by accident — because we think first and talk later. Despite what I said before, introverts can be attentive listeners with the right person or in the right situation.

But none of that gives us an endless well of emotional energy, and none of it makes us a trained therapist. (Except for the introverts who are, in fact, trained and licensed therapists.)

So if you’re close friends with an introvert whose opinions you respect, by all means, let them know when you’ve got something heavy on your mind and ask if you can talk to them about it. That’s what friends are for.

But that quiet, soulful, soft-spoken, patient individual you just met literally 30 seconds ago? That is not your therapist. That is a random introvert who is internally panicking at your awkward overshare while desperately trying to save even one ounce of the energy you’re sucking out of their social battery.

11. Surprising them with plans, from parties to showing up unannounced

Don’t. Just don’t.

Seriously. Don’t.

source

There are a lot more, I promise

Introverts Don’t Hate People, They Hate Shallow Socializing

When introverts socialize, they’re not looking for a way just to pass the time. They’re looking for a new person with whom they can share their inner world.

I like to make jokes about how much I hate people. As an introvert, it’s easy to do. The stereotype of the misanthropic introvert is backed by countless memes and pop culture references. Think of the animated character Daria with her oversized glasses and a book in her hand, or that catchy quote from Charles Bukowski, “I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.”

These memes and quotes exist for a reason. They’re funny and relatable, and I’ve enjoyed sharing them just as much as anyone else. But there’s a darker side to them. They can also serve as a coping mechanism — something to hide behind. Let me explain.

It’s the whole “I’m too cool for school” persona. It’s easy for me to say I spent the majority of the party playing with the host’s cat because the people there weren’t half as interesting as the books I have at home. It’s harder for me to admit that getting past the barrier of small talk ranges from somewhat daunting to downright terrifying. So I oversimplify and say I don’t like people, when what I actually dislike are the surface-level interactions of most social gatherings.

We’ve all been to those parties where the sole purpose of the event is for everyone to break into small groups and talk about sports, the weather, or where the host’s second cousin got her hair done. It’s moments like these when it suddenly becomes very important to find out if there’s a pet you can play with — or, when all else fails, perhaps a large potted plant to hide behind. If there’s a drink to be fetched or a bowl of chips to be refilled, this task will instantly become the sole purpose of my existence, because literally anything is better than small talk.

However, despite appearances, I don’t hate people. I just hate shallow socializing.

And therein lies the problem that has kept thousands of introverts awake until all hours of the night. Because being an introvert doesn’t mean you want to be alone all the time. But unfortunately, in order to meet people to share your inner world with, it’s necessary to go out and socialize. In order to get to those coveted discussions about life goals, creative passions, and the existence of the universe, you sometimes have to start with some small talk — no matter how painful it might be.

Sometimes You Have to Go Out to Appreciate Staying In

As an introvert, I view socializing much like I view other aspects of my life that I know are good for me in the long run but really aren’t very enjoyable in the moment. Do I really want to go to the gym when I could just go home and watch Netflix? No. Do I really want a salad for lunch when I could have a hamburger? No. Do I really want to go to a party when I could curl up in bed with a book and a cup of tea? It’s a no-brainer.

However, to reap the rewards, you have to put in the work.

It’s all about balance. Just like I might treat myself to a piece of chocolate cake as a reward for all those days at the gym last week, I’ll spend a quiet Saturday night at home because I know I already put in a night of socializing and interacting with people outside of my comfort zone on Friday.

The reward of staying in is so much sweeter when it’s saved as its own unique event to look forward to — whereas staying home with a book feels a whole lot less special when you’re doing it for the tenth night in a row. Sometimes you have to go out to fully appreciate staying in, and vice versa.

I never would’ve met some of my closest friends if I had chosen to stay home and read all the time. The relationships I have now were worth the anxiety and apprehension I felt upon venturing out of my comfort zone to establish them.

Unfortunately, finding those kinds of relationships is rare, because socializing doesn’t always have tangible rewards. Sometimes I leave an event feeling drained and wishing I’d never left the house. Other times, I might feel that it went okay, but I know the surface-level conversations I held all evening probably won’t lead to any life-altering friendships. But that’s okay, because not every conversation or evening out has to be life-altering.

For the Introvert, Socializing Isn’t Just a Way to Pass the Time

As an introvert, it’s my natural tendency to always want every interaction to be about establishing a lifelong deep connection, but I’ve learned that can put too much pressure on the average casual conversation. Sometimes it’s just about staying in practice with my (albeit limited) people skills until the day when someone suddenly wants to talk about their dreams and goals and all the things that make them tick. It’s impossible to know where a conversation will lead unless you try.

I’m aware of just how ridiculous my socializing philosophy might sound to extroverts. To them, socializing itself is the end goal. My extroverted friends are always looking for something to do on the weekend, during the holidays, and even on work nights. They pursue socializing for the in-the-moment excitement that it brings. For me, attempting to socialize is a long-term goal — one that I carefully craft and balance so I don’t get mentally or emotionally overwhelmed.

“Going out” is rarely exciting for me in the moment. But I always have hope when attending a party or trying a new networking event that I’ll make a friend who is also dying for a quiet cup of coffee while chatting about life, or who wants to take a trip to the beach just so we can lie side by side and read in complete silence.

When I socialize, I’m not looking for a way just to pass the time. I already have a full list of hobbies and interests and not enough hours in the day to enjoy them all. But I’m always looking for a new person with whom I can share my passions and my world. Sometimes meeting that one new person can be worth the agony of socializing. I like to think I’m the kind of person worth socializing for, and I know I’m not the only one of my kind.

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Thursday’s Introvert Meme’s

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What is your favorite restaurant?

What is your favorite restaurant?

Oh come on now. Did the people asking this ever consider introverts? This is the biggest softball I’ve been served since grade school.

I’ll eat at home every time if given a choice, with my dog.

My brother-in-law has been the president of 3 of the top 10 restaurants in the country and I ate at all of them. I’ve been to France and Italy. I’ve been to the Orient. I ate on other people’s money at some of the finest dining facilities that exist.

On business trips, I’d eat alone with a book if given a choice.

It’s at home though, my favorite restaurant, preferably alone.

What Introverts Need To Be Happy

Since introverts process the world differently, what brings them happiness might not look the same as it does for others.

I used to feel bad about being an introvert. I wished I could be more like my extroverted friends. They seemed to have no problem carrying on a conversation with anyone at any time. They didn’t seem to get mentally and physically fatigued from socializing — or from life in general — like I did.

Later in life, when I began studying and writing about introversion, I learned that introverts aren’t broken extroverts. Our brains are simply wired differently. Our minds process experiences deeply, and we require alone time to feel our best.

It’s science: Essentially, we introverts don’t need as much dopamine as extroverts do to feel satisfied. You can read more here about the science behind why introverts need alone time.

Because of this wiring, we introverts need different things in life to be happy compared to extroverts. Here are 12 of those things, which I explore more in my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts.

What Introverts Need to Be Happy

1. Plenty of time to wind down and process

Yes, we introverts need downtime after things like parties and networking events. But we also need downtime after “little” things, too. Because we’re wired to process experiences deeply, introverts may get very drained by a stressful day at work, running errands, or a heated conversation with a significant other. Time to unwind allows us to fully comprehend what we just experienced and lower our stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable. Without downtime, we’ll feel brain-dead, irritable, and even physically unwell or tired. This state is called the introvert hangover.

2. Meaningful conversation

How was your weekend? What’s new with you? We “quiet ones” can do small talk (it’s a skill many of us have forced ourselves to learn), but that doesn’t mean we enjoy it. Introverts crave diving deep, both in our interests and in our relationships. We need something more: What’s something new you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were ten years ago? Does God exist?

Not every conversation has to be soul-searchingly deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to talk about the weather or what you did this weekend. But if we’re only fed a diet of small talk, we’ll leave the table still feeling like we’re still hungry. Without those intimate, raw, big-idea moments, we’ll be unhappy.

(Speaking of chitchat, here’s the real reason introverts hate small talk.)

3. Companionable silence

It may seem contrary to #2, but introverts also need people in their lives who are content with quiet. We need friends or partners who can sit in the same room with us, not talking, each of us doing our own thing. People who won’t nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation but will let thoughts linger, waiting until ideas have been fully digested. Without periods of companionable silence, introverts just won’t be happy.

4. Space to dive deep into our hobbies and interests

17th-century horror novels. Celtic mythology. Restoring old cars. Gardening, painting, cooking, or writing. If it’s out there, introverts are diving deep into it. Having time alone to focus on our hobbies and interests recharges us because, while absorbed in them, we likely enter an energizing state of flow. According to the famed psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, “flow” is a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity and enjoying the process. A flow state comes naturally to many introverts, and without it, we won’t feel happy.

(Speaking of hobbies, here’s why introverts should take up new, random hobbies.)

5. A quiet space that’s all ours

Admittedly, this is something I don’t have right now because my toddler is the ultimate space-invader. However, introverts ideally need a private, quiet space to retreat to when the world is too loud. It could be a room that they can arrange, decorate, and have full control over — a true introvert sanctuary. Or it might be just a special corner, couch, or chair. Being fully alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption, is invigorating on a near-spiritual level for introverts.

6. Time to think

According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage, introverts might rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite). This might explain why we introverts struggle to put our thoughts into words. While words seem to flow effortlessly for extroverts, introverts often need an extra beat to think before responding — or much longer to consider a bigger issue. Without time to process and reflect, introverts will feel stressed.

(Want to learn more? Here’s the science behind why writing tends to be easier than speaking for introverts.)

7. People who understand that sometimes we’ll be staying home

For introverts, socializing is all about dosage. We need friends and loved ones who understand that sometimes we just can’t “people” — and they accept this without giving us a guilt trip. It’s not that we don’t value their company; we simply need time to recharge. Having people in our lives who respect our need for solitude helps us maintain our energy and emotional health. This understanding allows us to show up more fully when we do spend time together.

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say — even if you’re introverted, shy, or socially anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing.

Be the first to hear when Jenn Granneman’s new book, Easy Conversation, is released — and get two free gifts to help you feel more comfortable in conversations right now:

❤️ 7 easy tips from the book

❤️ 15 simple phrases you can use to keep the conversation going

Click here to sign up and get your free gifts.

8. A deeper purpose to our lives and work

Everyone needs to pay their bills, and for many of us, that’s why we go to work, even if we have to drag ourselves kicking and screaming. Some people are content with this arrangement, or at least tolerate it. However, for many introverts, it’s not enough — we crave work that’s purposeful and meaningful. We want to do more than just earn a paycheck and put a roof over our heads. Without meaning and purpose in our lives — whether it comes from our job, a relationship, a hobby, or something else — introverts will feel deeply unhappy.

9. Quiet

Sometimes we just don’t have the energy to interact. We might be turned inward, doing what introverts do best — reflecting on and analyzing ideas and experiences. Pointing out, “You’re so quiet!” or prodding us to talk only makes us feel self-conscious. At these times, let us remain quiet — it might be what we need to be happy. After we’ve had time to process and recharge, we’ll likely return with plenty to say.

10. Independence

Unique and independent, introverts are more inclined to let their own inner resources guide them than follow the crowd. We often do our best work — and are our happiest — when we have the freedom to explore ideas, spend time alone, and be self-directed. Independence allows us to tap into our creativity and inner wisdom, setting our own pace and making the decisions that are best for us. Without this autonomy, we might feel stifled.

11. The simple life

I have an extroverted friend who seems to do it all— volunteering at her son’s school, caring for her family, planning get-togethers for our friends, and holding down a full-time job. As an introvert, I’d never survive that same schedule; besides, the simple life is good enough for me. A good book, a lazy weekend, a meaningful conversation with a friend, and some snuggles from my animal companions are what make me happy.

12. Friends and loved ones who value us

We’re never going to be the most popular person in the room. In fact, in a large group, you might not even notice us at all, as we tend to remain in the background. Nevertheless, just like anyone else, we introverts need people in our lives who see our value and love us despite our quirks. We know that at times we can be difficult to deal with — nobody’s perfect. When you love and accept us as we are, even when our weird introvert behavior don’t make sense to you, you make our lives profoundly happier.

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How to Set Boundaries as an Introvert and Still Be Kind

Boundaries are not walls or dividers. They are a personal list of what is and isn’t okay for you as an introvert.

As a counselor, I see many introverts come to my office struggling to set healthy boundaries. This doesn’t mean they’ve failed in some way because, let’s be honest, most of us have never been taught how to do this — and it’s not easy. I often help by showing them a few simple strategies.

To be clear, both introverts and extroverts can struggle with setting boundaries, so it’s certainly not just an introvert issue. Yet, in my experience, they struggle for different reasons. There are typically two main roadblocks for us “quiet ones”:

Many introverts — especially highly sensitive ones — are naturally inclined to take care of others due to their strong sense of empathy. For more on this, see my article The Science Behind Why We Absorb Others’ Emotions (and How to Deal).

Introverts, many of whom are compassionate and eager to help, often see boundaries as walls rather than healthy limits.

Over the course of our sessions, I help my introverted clients understand that boundaries aren’t barriers or dividers. They are guidelines, rules, or limits that define reasonable, safe, and mentally healthy ways for others to treat them — and how they will respond when those limits are crossed.

Simply put, personal boundaries are a list of what is and isn’t okay.

Again, to be very clear, not every introvert struggles with setting boundaries. But in general, because of their empathy, introspection, and compassion, some introverts tend to see boundaries as obstacles to relationships. They may view saying no as unkind, and setting boundaries may even feel wrong.

In reality, boundaries are the foundation of an empathetic, compassionate relationship. As Brené Brown writes in Rising Strong, “Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

A Case Example: My Introverted Client

Sometimes, introverts come to me feeling upset or frustrated about a friend or loved one who isn’t meeting their expectations. One young woman, an introvert, was desperately trying to help her depressed friend. She repeatedly came to me with feelings of resentment and anger, saying, “No matter what I do, she isn’t getting better.”

This woman was so empathetic that she was pouring everything she had into trying to pull her friend out of depression. When we looked deeper, we realized she had an unspoken expectation — that her friend would get better because of her efforts. She believed she could heal her friend, and when that didn’t happen, she took it as a personal failure.

Instead of setting boundaries about when she would offer support and when she needed to take time for herself, she kept investing more energy, time, and effort into making her friend meet an expectation that wasn’t hers to control.

The more we talked, the more she realized that this wasn’t true empathy or compassion — it was actually harmful to both of them.

The Life-Changing Power of Setting Boundaries

Brené Brown captures it beautifully in The Gifts of Imperfection: “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

My client began setting boundaries with her friend. She still offered support with kindness, but she no longer felt responsible for fixing the problem. She allowed herself to take breaks, spend time with other friends, and prioritize her own well-being. As a result, she became more present and compassionate with her struggling friend, and her own stress significantly decreased.

This is the life-changing power of setting boundaries.

3 Steps to Better Boundaries

Do you struggle to set healthy boundaries? Here are three key steps I share with my clients that can help you, too:

1. Decide what is okay and what isn’t in your life.

Start by reflecting on your values. Who are you? What matters most to you? Your boundaries are about you, so take the time to identify what you truly need from others. For example, as an introvert, you likely value alone time — your boundaries should reflect that.

Pay attention to your emotions, as they often signal where boundaries are needed. Do certain situations leave you feeling frustrated or resentful? Is there someone you frequently complain about? Do you feel suffocated, taken advantage of, or even unsafe in a particular relationship? Emotions are like warning flags, waving to get your attention and reveal areas in your life that may need stronger boundaries.

2. Communicate your boundaries.

For introverts, who often prioritize their inner world over external interactions, expressing boundaries can feel daunting —especially if it’s your first time. Here are some tips to help:

  • Keep it short and simple. Boundaries sound like this: “If you… (for example, don’t pay rent on time again), then I… (for example, will ask you to move out).”
  • Expect some discomfort. When you start setting boundaries, you may feel ashamed or afraid. Don’t lose heart — these feelings are normal! Keep going.
  • Trust your timing. You will set boundaries when you are ready, and not a minute sooner.
  • You are allowed to say no. For example, “Don’t vent your anger on me — I won’t tolerate it,” or “I won’t let you disrespect me. If you cannot treat me with respect, then stay away.” If someone continues to disregard your boundaries, you have every right to limit or cut off contact.
  • Your privacy is yours to control. Nobody can demand to know your thoughts or personal business. What you choose to share is up to you, not what others expect or want.
  • You have the right to your own mind. Nobody has the right to dictate what you think, feel, or do. Your thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs belong to you.

source

If I’d only learned this earlier in life, it would have made a big difference. I just didn’t know how important this was

21 Signs That You Are An Introvert

One clear sign you’re an introvert: You feel lonelier in a crowd than when you’re alone. Solitude feels good to you.

Have you always felt different? Were you the quiet one in school? Did people ask you, “Why don’t you talk more?” Do they still ask you that today?

If so, you might be an introvert like me.

Being an introvert means you lose energy from socializing and gain energy by spending time alone. That’s it. Introversion is not a flaw, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It’s a healthy personality trait that comes with many strengths.

Keep in mind, that nobody is completely introverted or extroverted — we all show both traits at different times, though we tend to lean more in one direction or the other.

To help you determine where you fall, here are 21 signs of an introvert from the book, The Secret Lives of Introverts. The more signs you relate to, the more introverted you are.

Signs of an Introvert

1. You enjoy spending plenty of time alone.

You have no problem staying home on a Saturday night. In fact, you look forward to it. To you, Netflix and chill really means watching Netflix and relaxing. Or maybe your thing is reading, playing video games, drawing, cooking, writing, knitting tiny hats for cats, or just putzing around the house. Whatever your preferred solo activity is, you do it as much as your schedule allows.

If you’re an introvert, you feel good when you’re alone. In your alone time, you’re free.

(Read the science behind why introverts love spending time alone here.)

2. You do your best thinking alone.

Your alone time isn’t just about indulging in your favorite hobbies. It’s about giving your mind time to decompress. When you’re with other people, it might feel like your brain is too overloaded to really work the way it should. In solitude, you’re free to tune into your own thoughts and feelings. You might be more creative and/or have deeper insights when you’re alone.

3. Your inner monologue never stops.

You have a distinct inner voice that’s always running in the back of your mind — and it’s hard to shut off. Sometimes you can’t sleep at night because your mind is still going. Anxious thoughts from your past might haunt you. “I can’t believe I said that stupid thing… five years ago!” Introverts tend to be somewhat more prone to anxiety and depression than extroverts.

4. You often feel lonelier in a crowd than when you’re alone.

There’s something about being with a group of people that makes you feel disconnected from yourself. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to hear your inner voice when there’s so much noise around you. Whatever the reason, as an introvert, you crave intimate moments and deep connections — and those usually aren’t found in a crowd.

5. You feel like you’re faking it when you have to network.

Walking up to strangers and introducing yourself? You’d rather stick tiny needles under your fingernails. But you know there’s value in it, so you might do it anyway — except you feel like a phony the entire time.

If you’re like me, you had to teach yourself how to do it. I tell myself to activate my “public persona.” I say silly things to myself like, “Smile, make eye contact, and use your loud-confident voice!” Then, when I’m finished, I feel beat and need downtime to recharge. Like me, you might wonder if other people have to try this hard when meeting new people.

6. You have no desire to be the center of attention.

At work, you’d rather pull your boss aside after a meeting and have a one-on-one conversation (or email your ideas) than explain them to a room full of people. The exception is when you feel passionate about something. You might risk overstimulation when you think speaking up will truly make a difference.

7. You’re better at writing your thoughts than speaking them.

You’d rather text your friend than call her or email your coworkers than sit down for a staff meeting. Writing gives you time to reflect on what to say and how to say it. It allows you to edit your thoughts and craft your message just so. Plus there’s less pressure when you’re typing your words into your phone alone than when you’re saying them to someone in real time. You may even be drawn to writing as a career.

(Here’s the science behind why writing is typically easier than speaking for introverts.)

8. Talking on the phone does not sound like a fun way to pass the time.

One of my extroverted friends is always calling me when she’s alone in her car. She figures that although her eyes, hands, and feet are currently occupied, her mouth is not. Plus, there are no people around — how boring! So she reaches for her phone.

However, this is not the case for me. When I have a few spare minutes of silence and solitude, I have no desire to fill that time with chitchat.

9. You avoid small talk whenever possible.

When a coworker is walking down the hall toward you, have you ever turned into another room in order to avoid having a “Hey, what’s up?” conversation with him? Or have you ever waited a few minutes in your apartment when you heard your neighbors in the hallway so you didn’t have to chat? If so, you might be an introvert. It’s not that introverts are afraid of making small talk, it’s just that we’d rather not do it.

10. You’ve been told you’re “too intense.”

This might stem from your dislike of small talk or the way your introverted mind goes deep. If it were up to you, mindless chitchat would be banished and interesting philosophical discussions and personal stories about life lessons would be the norm. You’d much rather sit down with someone and discuss the mysteries of life — or at the very least, exchange some real, honest thoughts about what’s going on in each other’s lives. Meaningful interactions are the introvert’s antidote to social burnout.

(Speaking of chitchat, here are four hacks for introverts to turn small talk into meaningful conversation.)

11. You don’t go to parties to meet new people.

Sure, maybe you party every once in a while. But when you do, you usually don’t go to events with the intention of making new friends. You’re content with the few close friendships you already have.

12. You shut down after too much socializing.

Recent research shows that everyone gets drained from socializing eventually, even extroverts. That’s because socializing expends energy. But introverts likely tire faster than extroverts and experience social burnout with more intensity. If you’re an introvert, you may even experience something called the “introvert hangover,” which is when you feel extremely fatigued and perhaps even physically unwell after lots of socializing.

13. You notice details that others miss.

Introverts (especially highly sensitive ones) can get overwhelmed by too much stimuli. But there’s an upside to our sensitivity — we notice details that others might miss. For example, you might notice a subtle change in your friend’s demeanor that signals that she’s upset (but oddly, no one else in the room sees it). Or, you might be highly tuned into color, space, and texture, making you an incredible visual artist.

(Speaking of highly sensitive people, here are 27 “strange” things highly sensitive people do.)

14. You can concentrate for long periods of time.

I can write for hours. I get in the zone, and I just keep going. If you’re an introvert, you likely have your own hobby or pet project that you can work on for practically forever. That’s because introverts are great at focusing alone for long periods of time.

15. You live in your head.

You might daydream so much that people tell you to “get out of your head” or “come back down to earth.” That’s because your inner world is almost as alive and vivid as the outer one.

16. You like to people watch.

Actually, you just like to observe in general, whether it’s people, nature, etc. Introverts are natural observers.

17. You’ve been told you’re a good listener.

You don’t mind giving the stage to someone else for a bit and listening. You’re not clamoring to get every thought out there, and you don’t need to “talk to think” like many extroverts do.

18. You have a small circle of friends.

You’re close with just one, two, or three people, and you consider everyone else to be an acquaintance. That’s because introverts only have so much “people” energy to spend, so we choose our relationships carefully. It’s about budgeting.

19. You don’t get “high” off your environment.

There’s a reason big parties aren’t your thing: Introverts and extroverts differ in how their brains process experiences through “reward” centers. You can read more about these brain differences here.

20. You’re an old soul.

Introverts tend to observe, take in a lot of information, and think before they speak. We’re analytical and reflective, and we’re often interested in discovering the deeper meaning or underlying pattern behind events. Because of this, introverts can seem wise, even from a young age.

21. You alternate between being social and being alone.

Introverts relish being alone. In our solitude, we have the freedom to tune into our inner voice and tune out the noise of the world.

But introverts don’t always want to be alone. As human beings, we’re wired to connect with others, and as introverts, we long to interact meaningfully. So introverts live in two worlds: We visit the world of people, but solitude and the inner world will always be our home.

source

yes, most of these for me

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

What do you do during the day? It seems innocuous, but here’s why it isn’t for me. (the real answer is that I mind my own damn business and get done what needs doing).

I retired early and being a good introvert, I stay to myself, don’t bother others (especially with personal questions). I do normal introvert things like read and write a lot. I go about my business, get exercise usually for hours, do house repairs, help others, go to bible studies or other events, etc.

The point is that I don’t keep detailed records of what I do. I go about my business and try to stay out of other people’s business.

This question started with a relative I nicknamed Flounder from Animal House, for all the reasons Dean Wormer described about how not to go through life. Flounder went between high paying jobs to bankruptcy due to money mismanagement (spent like a drunken sailor). We’ve never been particularly close because we are so different and shit like this makes me not want to try very hard.

It should be noted that if I give someone a nickname in life, it’s not a good sign of how I feel about them.

Every conversation was, “What do you do all day, sweep the floors?” In fact, it was one of the things I did because I like a clean house. It was a shitty question though and it became monotonos. I’d just rather not have a conversation than discuss that. I finally turned it on him by saying most people ask me that because they wonder what they’ll be doing when they retire. He had no real answer as he defined himself by his job his wife told me.

Nevertheless, the condescending attitude was not even masked. I, the consummate introvert couldn’t defend the question on cue. I’d think of what I wrote above in the hours after the discussion when it didn’t matter.

Still, I hate the idea of anyone 1) intruding on my life and what I do unless I choose to talk about it and 2) getting this condescending attitude because I was able to retire early and it was a part of my life plan. (note: I saved, invested, and paid off all of my debt early to be able to do it. Flounder was in debt above his head and lost millions on houses and valuables he borrowed to get. He had to work until almost 70 and thought he was a big shot until his next firing.

Now, I’m still retired and set for the rest of my days. Flounder lives with one of his kids as he lost both of his houses. Do I ask what do you do all day? Hell no. I don’t want to know what he does, but it’s an intruding question.

Note: I got this question from one of my wife’s friends Randi when I said I was going to retire early. What are you going to do was the very next statement. I answered and got, and then what are you going to do.

Randi isn’t a part of our life anymore because of her shitty attitude. I couldn’t stand to be around her either. She was snarky when saying it and those things don’t get past me easily.

Hey Randi, I’m retired early and am loving life, doing what I want. That’s what I do all day. I go about my business.

This ends with the story about the kid eating all of his candy. A man said that isn’t good for you to which the kid said my uncle lived to be 120. The man asked if it was eating so much candy and the boy responded no, it was because he minded his own business.

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence? (Introvert Version)

You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

Some of the characters in this story aren’t going to make it to the end.

Unless you make the inner circle, you’re probably going to have to go, or at least wait a long time to get me to do something with you.

The introvert joke says that people die in my autobiography, but I’m not going to kill anyone. It’s more like avoiding them until they go away or just keep saying no to doing shit together that I don’t want to do.

To My Introvert Readers, Who are your favorite people to be around?

Who are your favorite people to be around?

I’d like to say something witty or emotional like my family or my oldest friend from childhood, but it would be a lie.

It’s my dog

Don’t get me wrong, I like (a few of) my family and my friends, for a bit.

The introverts will know what I’m saying without me even explaining animals, small talk and time alone to re-charge

Thought For The Day

It’s why I rarely care what people think of me, even while I’m alive. If someone doesn’t like me, it’s one less hassle for me to deal with and more free time to enjoy what little time I have left.

I’m married to a person who goes through life like a Facebook page trying to collect likes. It’s annoying to watch.

AI On Weird Phobia’s People Have

I had to ask

  1. Arachibutyrophobia: The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
  2. Nomophobia: The fear of being without your mobile device.
  3. Xanthophobia: The fear of the color yellow.
  4. Turophobia: The fear of cheese.
  5. Somniphobia: The fear of falling asleep.
  6. Coulrophobia: The fear of clowns.
  7. Pogonophobia: The fear of beards.
  8. Triskaidekaphobia: The fear of the number 13.
  9. Ablutophobia: The fear of bathing, washing, or cleaning.
  10. Geniophobia: The fear of chins.

I thought number 8 was about Friday the 13th.

The fear of Friday the 13th is known as friggatriskaidekaphobia. It combines the word ‘Frigga’, which is the name of the Norse goddess after whom Friday is named, and ‘triskaidekaphobia’, which is the fear of the number 13.

I added these:

The fear of having houseguests is called “domatophobia”. It is derived from the Latin word “domus” which means house and “phobos” which means fear. This phobia can cause intense anxiety and discomfort for individuals when they have to host guests in their home.

The fear of small talk is known as “homilophobia”. It comes from the Greek word “homilia” which means conversation and “phobos” which means fear. This phobia can cause individuals to feel extremely anxious and uncomfortable when they have to engage in casual, superficial conversation.

What are your biggest challenges?

What are your biggest challenges?

Look, I’m an introvert. While I’d like to say that curing cancer, ending world hunger, or overcoming a life threatening disease were my macro challenges, it’s not my daily struggle.

Avoiding people and small talk constantly raise their heads to dog me. I can’t expect most other than fellow introverts to get this, but it’s a struggle for me to face a crowded room of people. Having to engage in meaningless talk about stuff I know doesn’t matter is difficult also. It’s mentally draining for introverts. We are not built for it and when it comes up, it’s like being in a tunnel with the train light headed directly for you. It’s like having a grains of sand in your eye constantly and you can’t remove it.

I can do it, but with less and less enthusiasm and I have to work myself up to face it. My extroverted other has put me in situations I wish I weren’t in a lot of times in my life. I’ve finally fought that off. I find myself wanting to withdraw more and nothing pleases me more than canceled plans now.

I’m not going to be on my deathbed and wish I was more outgoing. I have a lot of other regrets that are more meaningful than small talk.

These Memes Perfectly Explain Introverts’ Thoughts at Holiday Parties

from Introvert Dear, but I can relate and I bet other Introverts can also. I don’t go if at all possible and am better for it.

Because introverts don’t just get ready for a holiday party — they gather strength for one.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. It’s today, isn’t it? The holiday party. And there’s another one tomorrow. A red-and-green glitter bomb of social obligation has exploded all over your calendar. Sure, you love your family, but the truth is, you’re an introvert, and big parties are utterly exhausting — even on those rare occasions when you actually enjoy them. Loud, crowded rooms and yet another round of “So, what’s new with you?” probably leave you dreaming of a white Christmas at home in your pajamas.

But the holidays only come around once a year, so you’ll rock around the Christmas tree anyway. That said, you’ll probably have some thoughts like these. Introverts, can you relate?

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say, even if you’re introverted, shy, or anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing. Click here to secure your spot in Jenn Granneman’s upcoming course, Easy Conversation.

Thoughts Introverts Have at Big Holiday Parties

1. Is it too late to cancel?

a meme about cancelling plans last minute


Saying yes to the big holiday get-together seemed like a good idea when you RSVP’d. You even threw in some exclamation points (soooo excited to see everyone!!) and offered to bring your famous apple dumplings. But that was two weeks ago — you were younger then, full of hope. Now, in a moment of panic and desperation, you’re seriously considering canceling because you’re “sick.” Besides, didn’t you promise your dog you’d binge Netflix together tonight?

2. Sigh. I’m going.

a meme about feeling guilty about not going to the party

It is your family we’re talking about. And it is the holidays. That’s the double-edged sword of being an introvert — just thinking about skipping the party makes you feel guilty, even if it would be better for your mental health. You don’t want to let anyone down, even if saying yes means draining your energy completely.

3. I’ll just go for a little while.

a meme that reads I came, I saw, I left early

Yes, that’s it — the perfect compromise! You’ll say your hellos, grab some food, and even give nosy Aunt Gladys the most basic updates about your life, complete with a polite smile. Then you’ll make a swift exit, just like a certain snowman who knew better than to stick around when the sun was hot that day.

4. I can do this, I can do this…

a meme that reads introverts don't get ready for a party, they gather strength for a party

You’re doing this. You’re really doing this. You take a few deep breaths, savor the last moments of peace and quiet, and silently swear on Aunt Gladys’s fruitcake that you’ll be back home soon.

5. It’s so loud!

people are too damn loud meme

You’re at the party, and it’s SO LOUD. Christmas carols are blaring, everyone is talking at once, and your inner introvert is screaming for an escape to somewhere quieter. The noise feels like a physical force, crashing over you and draining your energy. You’re no Grinch, but suddenly his decision to live alone with his dog on a mountain makes perfect sense — it was quiet!

6. Small talk, whyyyyyy…

a meme about making small talk

Let’s face it — small talk has never been your thing. Gossip and chatter about weekend plans? It all feels so, well, boring. As an introvert, you’d rather dive into big ideas or, at the very least, something that feels authentic and meaningful. At the party, you do your best to stick to socially acceptable chitchat, but somehow, it always veers off into… something else entirely.

7. This is getting awkward…

stuck in awkward small talk eme

…so, so awkward.

8. There’s so much going on that I’m zoning out.

Introvert Doodles daydreaming introvert meme
Marzi Wilson/Introvert Doodles

Despite how it might look to others, you’re not angry, bored, or depressed — you’re simply turning inward to block out the overwhelming stimulation. The noise, the flurry of activity, and the endless social cues to process can be too much for introverts, who naturally thrive in calmer, more low-key environments.

9. But seriously, how long?

meme how long can I stay in the bathroom

This quiet moment alone is bliss. No small talk, no noise — just you, recharging in peace.

10. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that…

why I want to go home meme
Marzi Wilson/Introvert Doodles

…there’s waaay too much fake smiling happening at this holiday party.

11. A pet! I’m saved!

where you will find me at parties meme
Gemma Correll

Many introverts are devoted animal lovers because our four-legged companions are the perfect match for us. They offer unconditional love without expecting small talk or fake smiles in return (see above). And unlike some extroverts, they’ll never talk your ear off or complain that you’re too quiet.

12. “Hey, sorry, can’t talk — too busy checking my phone!”

my brain at most parties meme
Buzzfeed

Pulling out your phone and pretending to be completely absorbed in it? A classic introvert move.

13. I’m actually having fun! And then…

when you're hanging out with friends and your social battery dies meme

Sometimes, even we introverts surprise ourselves by enjoying a social event. There’s something comforting about feeling included — even if half the time was spent dodging personal questions from family and quietly checking your phone. And let’s be honest, the holidays bring a certain warmth and nostalgia that’s hard to resist. Maybe you even found another introvert to chat with — or an extrovert who respected your quiet vibe. It feels good to connect, even for us fiercely independent introverts.

But then, the inevitable happens. No matter how much fun you had, you’re still an introvert — and that means your social battery only lasts so long. Time to head home and recharge!

14. Seriously, I have zero energy left.

my social battery at parties meme
Debbie Tung/Where’s My Bubble

And that’s okay — it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just the way you’re wired.

15. If only extroverts understood what it’s like to be completely “peopled out”..

introvert tools meme
Aaron Caycedo-Kimura/INFJoe

…but let’s be real, a lot of them just don’t.

16. I’m so exhausted I don’t even want to say goodbye.

ways for introverts to leave a party meme
Kayla Yandoli/Sally Tamarkin/Will Varner/Buzzfeed

Dang, you forgot to pack your invisibility cloak. But it’s time to make your escape. Fingers crossed no one hits you with a “You’re leaving so soon?” as you quietly slip out the door.

17. I’m home! Hallelujah, I’m home!

introvert coming home meme
College Humor

On the left: What it looks like.

On the right: What it feels like.

18. And I am completely and utterly exhausted.

me after too much peopling introvert meme

The party might be over, but that doesn’t mean your energy magically returns. In fact, this is when the real exhaustion sets in. Cue the dreaded introvert hangover. For many introverts, social burnout isn’t just mental and emotional fatigue — it’s physical, too. The symptoms are real: headaches, muscle aches, and an overwhelming sense of feeling unwell. It’s your body’s way of saying, time to rest.

19. Because this is how my brain works:

the introvert's brain meme
Sarah’s Scribbles/Sarah Andersen

A WHOLE DAY.

20. Me:

meme every time I socialize

Can we make it 12?

21. Just back away slowly and close the door.

alone time is for everyone's safety meme

You shut your bedroom door and breathe in the sweet, glorious relief of solitude. If you have kids, you might try to pass them off to your spouse for a little while — because let’s face it, the only cure for an introvert hangover is downtime. Alone in your room, free from everyone’s expectations, you’re finally in your most comfortable, natural habitat. This time to decompress isn’t just nice — it’s necessary. Seriously, it’s for everyone’s safety!

What was the last thing you did for play or fun?

What was the last thing you did for play or fun?

I’m very content to be by myself. When you can do that, then being with others is fun, but not a requirement for fun. I do a lot of things and have a lot of activities, but they are taxing on my social battery. I don’t long for that like others

I was alone with my dog when this question came across my blog feed. I’m very content with just him and me and I realized that is fun.

The hustle and bustle of life doesn’t thrill me anymore.

Just my dog and me, fun for now.

What could you do less of?

What could you do less of?

This one is a layup for me. It’s small talk.

I’m at the point where if it’s a deep subject or means something, I can go deep and listen and discuss until the subject is exhausted.

When I hear about shopping, what other people said, and the various examples of small talk, not only do I tune out, my social battery starts draining immediately.

Other introverts will relate to this one. It’s when the extroverts get going and talking is sort of a competition, where they wait for a break so that they can get in their point or part of the story that may or may not have anything relevant to what is being discussed.

Pathological talkers are like that. They wake up and their mouth starts going. I literally hide in my own house sometimes to make it stop

You Get More Introverted With Age, According to Science

I couldn’t agree with this writing more. It’s happening to me and I even crave it now. For example, I celebrate every time I miss another high school reunion. The 50th is next year for me and there is nothing or nobody that could drag me back to see people that I left behind decades ago. (see the last section).

I’ve got family within driving distance and I don’t text or call for fear that there might be a get-together that I’d have to suffer through. There just isn’t enough there for me to want to suffer through that anymore.

We all become more introverted as we get older, even the most extroverted among us.

I’m a classic introvert, but in my teens and twenties, it was normal for me to spend almost every weekend with friends. Now, in my thirties, the perfect weekend is one with zero social plans.

And I’m not the only one socializing less these days. My extroverted friend, for example, used to run through her entire contact list, calling friends whenever she was alone in the car. She told me she hated the quiet, the emptiness, because being alone felt boring.

You know, for the whole 10–15 minutes it took to drive to the grocery store. Oh, the horror.

These days, I can rarely get her out for brunch or coffee. She’s content spending most nights at home with her husband and two kids. And I haven’t gotten one of her infamous calls in years.

So, what gives? Do we get more introverted as we get older?

Probably, says Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking — and this is actually a good thing. Let me explain.

Why We Become More Introverted With Age

In a post on Quiet Revolution, Susan Cain confirmed my suspicions: We tend to act more introverted as we get older. Psychologists call this “intrinsic maturation.” It means our personalities become more balanced, “like a kind of fine wine that mellows with age,” writes Cain.

Research also shows that our personalities do indeed change over time — and usually for the better. For instance, we become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as we grow, with the largest change in agreeableness happening during our thirties and continuing to improve into our sixties. “Agreeableness” is one of the traits measured by the Big Five personality scale, and people high in this trait are warm, friendly, and optimistic.

We also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less “people time” and excitement to feel a sense of happiness.

Psychologists have observed intrinsic maturation in people worldwide, from Germany to the UK, Spain, the Czech Republic, and Turkey. And it’s not just humans; they’ve observed it in chimps and monkeys, too.

This shift is why we slow down as we get older and begin enjoying a quieter, calmer life — and yes, it happens to both introverts and extroverts.

Becoming More Introverted Is a Good Thing

From an evolutionary standpoint, becoming more introverted as we age makes sense — and it’s probably a good thing.

“High levels of extroversion probably help with mating, which is why most of us are at our most sociable during our teenage and young adult years,” writes Susan Cain.

In other words, being more extroverted when you’re young might help you form important social connections and, ultimately, find a life partner. (Cue the flashbacks to awkward high school dances and “welcome week” in college.)

Then, at least in theory, by the time we reach our 30s, we’ve committed to a life path and a long-term relationship. We may have kids, a job, a spouse, and a mortgage — our lives are stable. So it becomes less important to constantly branch out in new directions and meet new people.

(Note that I said “in theory.” In my 30s, I still don’t have kids, a mortgage, or a wedding ring. These days, we have the luxury of not following evolution’s “script.”)

“If the task of the first half of life is to put yourself out there, the task of the second half is to make sense of where you’ve been,” explains Cain.

During the married-with-children years, think of how difficult it would be to raise a family and nurture close relationships if you were constantly popping into the next party. Even if you don’t marry or have kids, it would be hard to focus on your career, health, and life goals if you were always hanging out with friends like you did in your teens and twenties.

Once an Introvert, Always an Introvert

But there’s a catch: Our personalities only change so much.

In my book, The Secret Lives of Introverts, I like to say that our personalities may evolve, but our temperaments remain constant.

This means that if you’re an introvert, you’ll always be an introvert, even at 90. And if you’re an extrovert — though you may slow down with age — you’ll always be an extrovert.

I’m talking big-picture here: who you are at your core.

Research supports this idea. In 2004, Harvard psychologists Jerome Kagan and Nancy Snidman studied individuals from infancy into adulthood. In one study, they exposed babies to unfamiliar stimuli and recorded their reactions. Some babies got upset, crying and flailing their arms and legs; these were labeled “highly reactive” to their environment.

Other babies remained calm around the new stimuli; they were the “low-reactive” ones.

When Kagan and Snidman checked in with these individuals later, they found that the “highly reactive” babies often grew up to be more cautious and reserved, while the “low-reactive” babies tended to stay sociable and daring as adults.

The bottom line? Our core temperament — whether cautious or sociable, introverted or extroverted — doesn’t change dramatically with age.

An Example: Your High School Reunion

Consider, for instance, your high school reunion.

Let’s say you were very introverted in high school — perhaps the third-most introverted person in your graduating class. Over the years, you’ve grown more confident, agreeable, and comfortable in your own skin, but you’ve also become a bit more introverted. If you enjoyed hanging out with friends once a week in high school, maybe now in your thirties, you’re content with seeing them only once a month.

At your ten-year high school reunion, you notice everyone has slowed down a bit, enjoying a calmer, more stable life. But those who were very extroverted in high school are still much more extroverted than you.

You’re still approximately the third-most introverted person in your class — but now the whole group has shifted slightly toward the introverted side.

And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it might be exactly what we need to flourish as adults. If there’s one thing we introverts understand, it’s the deep satisfaction of a quiet life.

Have you found yourself becoming more introverted as you’ve gotten older? Let me know in the comments below.

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?

I’ve been around the world, to most of the continents. It was for both business and pleasure. I’ve stayed in the finest hotels and some dumps. I’ve eaten with the best chefs and at a choke and puke.

I don’t want to do that anymore. The sense of adventure isn’t enough to make me want to fight the people, the waits, the lines, and the crappy service.

The answer now is that I want to be Home or my place in the mountains. I have my stuff in my place and I don’t have to fight airports, and security lines, stay in places that aren’t mine and someone full of germs was just there before me.

It’s because I’m an introvert and getting old. I don’t care anymore. I don’t have to see everything and right now, there’s nothing I want more than to be in my place, preferably alone with my dog.

Why Introverts Are Happier With Fewer Friends

In a world fixated on quantity, fewer friends mean deeper connections with those who truly understand us.

In a world that often sings the praises of an extroverted lifestyle and the constant whirlwind of social activities, we introverts prefer to walk a quieter path — one that values solitude, introspection, and a select few meaningful connections. For us, solitude isn’t just a preference; it’s a sanctuary — a place where we find the clarity and peace we need to thrive.

When I entered my twenties — a decade traditionally associated with socializing and expanding your circle of friends — my introverted journey took a refreshingly different route. Instead of a jam-packed social calendar or always being surrounded by people who were the life of the party, I found solace in solitude and the company of a select few cherished friends. If you’re an introvert, I’m sure you can relate.

Here are 10 reasons why introverts often prefer having fewer friends.

Why Introverts Prefer Having Fewer Friends 

1. Deep, meaningful connections

When we have fewer friends, we have more time and energy to nurture the relationships that matter most. These friendships are built on trust and shared experiences, creating bonds that grow stronger with time. They not only withstand the test of time but also offer unwavering support and comfort during life’s highs and lows.

In a world often obsessed with the quantity of connections, we understand that it’s the quality of these relationships that truly enrich our lives. We don’t consider everyone a friend, which makes each interaction a treasured moment of shared understanding and genuine care.

In her book Quiet, Susan Cain points out that introverts often thrive in more intimate, one-on-one interactions. Having fewer friends allows us to focus on building meaningful connections with those who truly “get” us and accept us for who we are. These authentic friendships are like warm, cozy blankets on a chilly night, providing comfort and genuine support when we need it most. 

2. Time to focus on the friendships that really matter

For us introverts, having a smaller circle of friends can be a blessing. With fewer social obligations and less influence from a large social circle, we have the time and space to deeply invest in the friendships that truly matter. I find that with just a few close friends, I can truly invest in understanding them on a deeper level and being there for them when they need support.

Like many introverts, I am not one for small talk. I don’t want to just talk about the weather or what you saw on TV last night. I want to hear about your childhood and life experiences — the lessons you’ve learned that have made you the person you are today. I want to hear about your hopes, dreams, and goals. I want to know how your relationship is truly going — not just the surface-level “It’s good” you might tell others when that’s not the whole story. The busyness of a big social network doesn’t allow for that kind of deep connection.

Plus, as a result, we can focus on understanding ourselves better and on what truly makes our hearts sing and souls dance. This journey of self-discovery is a precious gift that can guide us toward a more fulfilling path in life.

3. Independence with a support system

As we grow older, we become more independent, exploring the world on our own terms and savoring the freedom and solitude that come with it. Alone time recharges our batteries, giving us the energy to spread our wings and pursue the adventures that resonate with our souls.

Having fewer friends creates space for us to develop our individuality. In a world that often pushes for constant social interaction, this independence becomes a sanctuary — a place where we can fully embrace who we are.

4. More peace and quiet

In busy social environments, we introverts often experience sensory overload — loud music, crowded rooms, and constant conversations drain us. We start to feel overstimulated and unable to focus as external stimuli compete for our attention.

Having fewer friends translates to more peace and quiet, giving us the calm we need to recharge. We retreat into the soothing sanctuary of solitude, embracing the silence that stills our thoughts and relaxes our spirit. The chatter and noise of constant social interactions are replaced by tranquil moments of reading, reflecting, or simply being. This quiet space becomes our safe haven amid life’s chaos.

For us introverts, peace and quiet are not just luxuries — they’re necessities. We thrive when we can turn down the volume of the outside world and tune into our inner landscape. With fewer friends and obligations, we create space to hear our thoughts, reconnect with ourselves, and let stillness restore our energy. The silence nourishes us deeply.

5. Energy for your own goals and passions

With fewer social distractions, we can channel our energy into pursuing our passions and goals, turning what might seem like “alone time” into a wellspring of productivity and creativity. The result? We often emerge as high achievers in various aspects of life, including career and personal growth.

Our alone time — or creative space — becomes the launchpad we need to reach for the stars at our own pace. It allows us to develop our talents, chase our dreams, and make a meaningful impact on the world.

6. Less drama

Smaller social circles mean less conflict and drama. There’s less politics, gossip, jealousy, and fewer fallouts to manage. My energy goes toward nurturing a few intimate friendships, not maintaining a large roster of dramatic relationships.

As introverts, we strongly dislike confrontation and arguments; we prefer peace and harmony. Navigating friend drama can be exhausting. I’ve come to value friendships that are drama-free, where my friends and I can support each other and communicate openly. This kind of acceptance is incredibly refreshing.

7. Quality time

When we do choose to socialize, we introverts treasure meaningful conversations and deep connections with our friends. With fewer friends, we can dedicate more time to truly enjoying their company — sharing heart-to-heart chats that leave lasting impressions. These moments of genuine connection nourish our souls, reminding us that when it comes to friendship, less truly can be more.

8. Emotional resilience

Difficult times have shown me that I don’t need constant external validation or a large support network. Instead, I rely on a few close friends who provide perspective when I’m overthinking and need clarity.

Over the years, the advice and support I’ve received from them have helped me tap into my own inner strength, process emotions through reflection, and grow through life’s ups and downs.

This emotional strength becomes an invaluable companion as we move through life, helping us weather storms with grace. We introverts don’t depend entirely on others for comfort or reassurance — we carry a quiet confidence in our ability to cope and thrive, even when facing tough times alone. We understand that our worth comes from within, not from the size of our social circle. 

9. Comfortable with your own company

While we introverts aren’t fans of constant socializing, there are days when we crave a change of scenery or the chance to connect. We might want to chat with a friend over coffee or catch up over lunch. However, having a smaller circle of friends means they’re not always available when we’re looking for company. As a result, we learn to embrace solitude and use it as an opportunity for self-discovery.

Learning to be alone has been a blessing for me as an introvert. I’ve discovered that it’s where I find true happiness, independent of others. Whether it’s reading, writing, journaling, or simply enjoying nature, I’ve come to cherish and embrace my own space.

10. Your self-worth doesn’t depend on others

Basing self-esteem on friendships and social approval is fragile. As introverts comfortable with solitude, our sense of self-worth comes from within. We understand that our value isn’t measured by the size of our social network or the number of likes and followers on social media.

This inner confidence allows us to form authentic connections without relying on external validation. The older I get, the more I realize that my worth isn’t defined by others — it comes from loving and accepting myself first.

Having a few close friends who truly see and appreciate me has shown me that I don’t need a big circle to feel fulfilled. I now carry a quiet confidence that comes from embracing my introverted journey. This realization has been one of the greatest gifts of my introverted life.

story and source

What are your favorite animals?

What are your favorite animals?

My dog of course. He’s the one I spend the most time with. Being an introvert, having him is better than most other people I encounter. When I go to someone’s house, I almost always gravitate to the pets if there are a lot of people. Introverts will relate to that one.

Next, most other dogs. I spent the weekend dog-sitting for my son and had fun with both of them.

Way out of that thought pattern came Cheetah. I like how fast it is and since I’m a big F1 fan, I thought of that.

Completely unrelated though are people that mistreat animals. They should be punished way worse than they are to stop this behavior. From building wind farms and killing whales to being cruel like tying a dog to a post and leaving it during Hurricane Helene (I’m not going to link to it because it pissed me off so much).

I hope someone has a good animal story or one about a really unusual animal.

What’s the first impression you want to give people?

What’s the first impression you want to give people?

I don’t care, I’m an introvert. I don’t even think about things this way.

It’s more likely that I’m trying to avoid any small talk if possible.

What people think of me doesn’t affect my life anymore. I used to have to pretend to care when I worked, but it wasn’t sincere concerning me being worried about what they thought of me.

It’s not narcissistic as I just don’t think this way. If they like me, fine. If they don’t, also fine. I’m nice and say hello and do the minimal banter if I can’t move on, but I just don’t think this way. Their impression is what it is and doesn’t enter my mind to worry about it.

I learned a long time ago you can do whatever you want, but people are going to make up their minds the way they want to and while you can temporarily influence it, you reveal yourself eventually.

What is good about having a pet?

What is good about having a pet?

What’s not good about having a pet?

They’re perfect for introverts. I get along with my dog better than almost all people. He loves me unconditionally. I do everything I can to take care of him and his health. I suffer for him when he’s not feeling well and take care of all his needs.

He’s right next to me as I type this.

He’s also a great reason for me to leave any gathering so that I can take him for a walk or feed him. Introverts will relate.

Why Introverts and Pets Just Get Each Other

This couldn’t be any more true for me. Every single point. Especially number 6 that I’m already planning on using at the family Thanksgiving dinner.

As an introvert, it’s a huge relief for me to simply sit with another creature in silence, with no expectation to say or do anything.

Many introverts are hardcore animal lovers (like me!). Why? Because animals fulfill a specific role for introverts that people just can’t. When we’re drained of energy and desperately need recharge time, the calming presence of a pet can provide exactly what we need as we recover.

Personally, I’ve had a variety of pets throughout my life, including cats, dogs, fish, hermit crabs, and ferrets. Each of them, of course, has had unique needs and personalities, but they’ve all shared the same purpose: being a constant source of friendship and positivity in my life. They offer so much and ask very little in return.

While not all introverts are animal lovers, I think many of us “quiet ones” would agree that pets make the perfect companions. Here’s why.

Why Introverts and Pets Just Get Each Other

1. No small talk

Even in casual gatherings — like watching a movie or joining a group hike — someone inevitably feels the need to fill every silence with chatter. Some people will say anything to break an “awkward” silence, which often only compounds an introvert’s dislike of small talk. This tendency can even lead us to make a quick excuse and head out.

But animals don’t do small talk.

It may sound silly, but it’s incredibly comforting to just sit with another creature in complete silence. There’s no expectation to talk or do anything; you get to simply exist. And you can relax, knowing your cat, dog, rabbit, or any other pet will never ask your opinion on the weather.

2. No expectations

Animals ask very little of us. All they want is food, love, and perhaps the occasional trip outdoors. That’s it.

Even the nicest people come with expectations and inevitably want something from you. They may want you to talk when you don’t feel like it, go out when you’ve already reached your “people limit” for the day, or listen as they vent about their problems. With animals, there’s no pressure — just a simple, unconditional companionship.

3. No judgment

I have to admit — I spend a lot of time in my pajamas. On days when I’m not working or don’t have important plans, you’ll most likely find me in comfy clothes all day.

That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m lounging in bed. I’m up, reading, cleaning, cooking, or handling other life things. I just prefer staying in the most comfortable clothes I own because, well, they’re comfortable.

Even the kindest people might find it odd if I showed up to hang out in my pajamas. But my cats and dog don’t care at all about what I’m wearing, whether my hair is styled, or if I’m wearing makeup. They accept me just as I am.

4. A constant source of comfort

Many introverts thrive on routine and consistency. We’re often not big fans of surprises, as they can catch us off guard and overwhelm us while we try to process the sudden shift. Being prepared helps reduce some of the anxiety and overstimulation that social events or large gatherings often bring.

But life, of course, is unpredictable. Some days go exactly as planned, while others take unexpected turns, with new things popping up constantly. On those days, our introverted souls need something comforting to recharge us — and a pet is perfect for this. After a tough day, it’s comforting to know you can come home to a snuggle and a furry face that loves you unconditionally.

5. A great conversation starter

Believe it or not, there are times when introverts actually want to socialize. But figuring out how to get a meaningful conversation started can be tricky for us “quiet ones.”

The good news is that your pet can be a perfect icebreaker, especially if the other person loves animals, too. Talking about your pet is a great way to ease into conversation without the focus being on you (since many introverts dislike talking about themselves with people they don’t know well).

And if you find a fellow pet lover? That’s as close to instant friendship as it gets! Prepare to spend the next half hour exchanging pet stories — a fun conversation that’s worlds better than small talk.

6. A great excuse to go home

What’s that? An evening get-together after a full day of work? Sorry, but my dog has been crossing his legs all day, and I promised to feed my cat precisely at 6:30 p.m. Looks like I’ll have to skip!

It may sound a bit silly, but for introverts who don’t have a spouse or kids at home “needing” them, a pet provides the perfect excuse to head straight home after work or make an early exit from a party.

Sure, pets require cleaning up after and sometimes get noisy at night, but I still stand by this: Introverts and pets make the perfect companions.

source

The 17 Phrases That ‘Scare’ Introverts the Most

Phrases That ‘Scare’ Introverts

1. “Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.”

The dreaded icebreaker. Is there anything worse? Introverts might rather face a masked figure wielding a chainsaw than endure that awkward moment.

2. “Everyone will be there!”

Whether it’s a party, work event, or family gathering, introverts prefer to be where the crowds are not. It’s not about hating people or having enochlophobia — they’re just wired to be more sensitive to all kinds of stimulation. For an introvert, few things are scarier than the looming threat of an introvert hangover.

3. “Tell me about yourself.”

Can we… not? When asked to reveal personal details to people they barely know, introverts might feel as uncomfortable as a kid who’s eaten too much Halloween candy. Ironically, they’d probably feel more at ease discussing something deeper — like how a career setback helped them grow as a person or the physics of time travel — than making small talk about what they did over the weekend.

4. “I invited some friends over. I hope that’s okay!”

Friends are coming… to my home? My sacred space? The one place where I can truly relax and be myself? For introverts, last-minute guests mean no time to mentally prepare to be “on,” which is a truly terrifying prospect.

5. “How ’bout this weather?”

Small talk — those pointless exchanges designed to fill awkward silences. For introverts who crave meaningful interaction, empty chitchat is the worst. No wonder introverts hide in their apartments like a serial killer’s on the loose when they hear that neighbor in the hall — the one who talks so much, you’re not sure they’re getting enough oxygen.

6. “We have plans tonight, remember?”

You forgot. You made the plans. And now every hope of a peaceful, relaxing night at home has vanished, like a nightmare fading upon waking.

7. “It’s a group project.”

Introverts thrive when they can focus deeply without interruptions. Unlike extroverts, they usually don’t “think out loud” but process thoughts, emotions, and ideas internally. For introverts, group projects at work or school feel like juggling multiple costume changes in one night — managing group dynamics, personality clashes, and the actual project itself, all while feeling mentally and physically drained. So. Much. Socializing.

The rest are at this link, but suck for introverts just as much

You’ll find the team building exercises, open office, and other hate speech towards introverts in this excellent article

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

Who I really am.

I’ve learned not to talk about myself other than when I type stuff here. I can’t stand when people brag and so I try not to do it. I constantly write about my introverted nature so I naturally hold back a lot of things other people can’t wait to talk about.

I’d rather people ask, I didn’t know you knew that, or how to do that than me telling them.

For all I write on my blog, I write 10 times as much about what’s going on in my life in my daily diary. It’s where I work stuff out in life and write it before I have to say it when it’s tough stuff that has to be dealt with.

No one would believe who I really am if they read what I write in private.

The Real Reason Introverts Hate Small Talk

Why do the majority of introverts hate small talk?

By definition, introverts are people who feel drained by socializing and recharge their energy by spending time alone. Because small talk is neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating, it can feel like an inefficient use of their limited social energy. In other words, if introverts are going to use up their energy, they want to spend it in ways that really count.

(Not sure if you’re an introvert? Here are 21 signs that confirm you’re an introvert.)

Also introverts tend to enjoy delving deep into topics and exploring ideas on a meaningful level. It’s more energizing to talk about things that feel important and relevant to them. Small talk, by its very nature, remains at a surface level.

Why Introverts Hate Small Talk

It’s not that introverts hate socializing or people. Even though we’re introverts, we still need close, healthy relationships to thrive.

As my friend Dr. Laurie Helgoe points out in her fascinating book, Introvert Power, “Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”

Small talk doesn’t bring people closer. Quite the opposite — it can create a barrier that prevents the kind of genuine, intimate connections we all crave.

Think about it. When two people get stuck in small-talk mode, discussing only “safe” and polite topics like the weather, they don’t really learn anything new about each other. They don’t get to know the other person or understand who they are. They miss discovering that their conversation partner, for example, wakes up early to go birdwatching, hates the color yellow, or grew up on a family farm.

As a result, the relationship doesn’t grow in a satisfying way. In general, introverts are interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, life lessons, and experiences, which isn’t usually achieved through small talk.

Full story

These ‘Extroverted’ Behaviors Annoy Introverts the Most – Especially Numbers 7-15

When someone feels the need to fill the silence with meaningless chatter while avoiding topics that actually matter

If you’re an introvert, you’re probably well aware that we live in an extroverted world. As Susan Cain pointed out in her bestselling book, Quiet, Western culture is shaped by the extrovert ideal — the belief that the “best” person is outgoing, highly sociable, and thrives in the spotlight.

However, introverts make up 30-50 percent of the U.S. population, and many of them find certain “extroverted” behaviors quite annoying. So, I asked the introverts who follow me on Facebook to share which behaviors bother them the most — and here’s what they had to say. The good news? If you can relate, you’re not alone!

Click here if you want to see the list

What are you doing this evening?

What are you doing this evening?

Reading a book. Not watching the debate.

I already know who I’m voting for so I don’t need it to decide. Plus, the amount of media bias on display is too much for me to watch.

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

My first thought was the usual red flags for dating girls. There are the usuals like too many tats, piercings, hair dyed an unnatural color, and feminist attire.

Then it occurred to me that those are for the dating crowd. For me, it is chatty females. When they start in on nothing just because they can’t handle silence, I’m out of there. I can’t take small talk. I will talk for hours on something deep, but yapping just for the sake of talking is a red flag. That is the introvert in me coming out

When thinking deeper about the question and including the population of the world, the clear answer was disloyalty. That is the end of a relationship for me. Once that line is crossed, I can’t go back. Once you stab me in the back, that’s it.

Shout out to my college girlfriend who slept around I found out afterwards. This blog is for you.

3 Important Things to Know About the Introverts in Your Life

Here are some excerpts. The link to the full article is below. If you are an introvert, you already know this. If you are an extrovert, it’s really for you. They are the cause of a lot of our anxiety and problems trying to drags us along to a bunch of stuff we’re uncomfortable doing.

1. They need time to mentally prepare for socializing.

An introvert socializes very differently from an extrovert. Many of us “quiet ones” can socialize with people in small or large crowds, but it comes at a cost to our mental and physical energy. Instead, we prefer smaller, more intimate settings, or better yet, quiet evenings at home with just one other person as opposed to those spent out.

Even though I’m an introvert, I can “play the extrovert” when needed. I can put on the perfect smile, don my best dress, and be the perfect lady on your arm. I’ll be charming, witty, and entertaining. I can host a family feast during the holidays or attend that lavish event you’ve been looking forward to all year……

2. Alone time is how introverts recharge.

Speaking of parties, can an introvert go out and party? Sure! But we will probably be the first ones to leave and go home. The crowd of people and the noise — while energizing to extroverts — is utterly exhausting to us introverts.

After The Event is when an introvert needs their alone time the most. I want nothing more than to go home, possibly take a long bubble bath, and spend a day in my pajamas. Downtime is how introverts recharge their energy, both mental and physical. (Here’s the science behind why introverts love — and need — alone time.)….

3. Introverts need their world a little quieter and less crowded.

Even though we love spending time alone, you have to understand that introverts still want to be included. We want to be asked. If we turn down your invitation to dinner or a night out, we might tell you that we’re busy or have other plans. Those plans could very well involve spending the day reading, writing, or binge-watching TV……

Click to read more, especially if you know an introvert. You need to know this

What’s your favorite time of day?

What’s your favorite time of day?

When I am alone. I need this time to recharge my social batteries and recover from small talk.

When I was hunting and fishing, I’d get up early. So early that not even the dog would get up with me. No one was yapping at me and I could get things done.

Now, I’ve retired and my outdoor activities are different, but the common element is that they are things I do by myself.

You can take the introvert out of the country, but you can’t change his human nature.

Least Attractive Female Hobbies

Being an introvert, I’d put small talk when you talk at someone instead of talking to them, or being interesting. Don’t narrate your day and expect me to want to engage

Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays

I know I hate mine and it’s coming up, mostly the attention thing. No extrovert will understand this, but you should.

Anyway, here it is and boy is it right. Again, courtesy of Introvert Dear, link at the end

I’ve never really liked my birthday. In fact, it’s one of the days I dread the most. I hate all the extra attention and the pressure to make it a special day, usually with a party. It’s insufferable.

When I was a teenager, I used to have long, exhausting fights with my mother in the weeks leading up to my birthday. She always wanted me to celebrate with a huge party filled with family and friends. But to me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration. Instead, I wanted something small, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with a few close friends.

No Birthday Party For Me, Thank You

More often than not, I used to win these fights and ended up doing what I wanted for my birthday. But all these arguments took a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. Whenever I refused to have a party or make a big deal out of my birthday, people called me a party pooper, a killjoy, and a downer. I didn’t have the words to defend myself (I was still a kid), so I internalized all those insults and convinced myself that there was something “wrong” with me. It took me years to realize and accept that there was nothing wrong with me — I am an introvert.

I am now a proud introvert who can defend the reasons behind my actions and behaviors. In case you’re curious, my relationship with my mother has improved, but I still hate my birthday. I believe a lot of the reasons stem from the fact that I’m an introvert.

Obviously, not all introverts hate their birthdays, but over the years I have noticed that a significant portion of the online introvert community feels aversion or indifference toward their birthdays. Here are a few reasons I believe some introverts (like myself) don’t like their birthdays.

Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays

1. Too much attention

This one’s a no-brainer. Most introverts don’t like being the center of attention, so having an entire day dedicated to them can be quite uncomfortable. It’s especially tough when they are put on display in front of a lot of people, anxiously waiting to see their reactions while opening gifts or making a wish and blowing out the candles to the tune of “Happy Birthday.”

In my case, I especially hate all the attention I receive for something as trivial as turning one year older. I feel like I haven’t earned it, and I don’t know what to do with it. Being the center of attention makes me anxious, uncomfortable, and insecure. I always try to avoid it and redirect that attention to something or someone else. But when it’s my birthday, that is almost impossible to do because it’s “my day.”

2. The social exhaustion of a party

Birthdays and parties practically go hand in hand. When your birthday is coming up, everyone expects you to throw a big party to celebrate. Introverts tend to dislike parties because we don’t like big crowds, loud noises, and shallow socializing. This aversion to parties doesn’t change when the party is ours. If anything, it makes it worse.

When we throw a party, we might end up feeling anxious and worrying if everyone is having fun. It’s our party, so we feel the pressure and responsibility to be a good host and ensure everyone is enjoying themselves. But in the process, we sometimes forget to have a good time ourselves.

And don’t even get me started on surprise parties. It’s undoubtedly a nice gesture for someone to throw you a surprise party because it shows they care enough to go through all the trouble of organizing it. But a surprise party is practically a living nightmare for an introvert. If there’s anything worse than having a party, it’s not having knowledge or control over your own party.

3. The pressure to make it a “special” day

This is one of the things that bother me the most about my birthday. Sometimes, I just want to do something small to celebrate, like going to the movies or taking a long walk around the city. But the pressure from others to make it a “special” day can be too much. I get it, I was born on that day, but why does it have to be the most special day of my year? Why do I have to have the time of my life specifically on that day? That’s just setting myself up for failure because the expectations are always way too high. (And we introverts don’t like pressure anyway!)

Plus, when your birthday is coming up, it seems like everyone has their own opinion about how you should celebrate it. Instead of asking you what you want to do, some people tell you exactly what you should do. Whether it’s a party or going dancing at a club, your birthday might end up being about what other people want to do instead of what you want.

And God forbid you suggest you don’t want to do anything for your birthday — people might look at you as if you’re crazy. They will try to convince you that you’re wrong and that you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t do something special on that day.

4. All the phone calls and “happy birthday” messages

This one might come off as ungrateful because it’s undoubtedly nice to have people who care enough to wish you a happy birthday. But to an introvert, all that attention can be overwhelming.

Phone calls, in general, make some introverts uncomfortable. When the sole purpose of a call is to wish us a happy birthday, it’s even worse because all the attention is on us. After the “Happy Birthday”s and “Thank you”s, the inevitable small talk follows, making us even more uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that the people who usually call are relatives or friends you only talk to two or three times a year.

The same goes for the Facebook messages and texts you receive throughout the day. After the pleasantries and birthday greetings, you have to make small talk (again, in a different form) with all the people who wished you a happy birthday. This can be a bit too much, which is why I think some introverts hide their birthdays from their social media pages.

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

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5. The singing

Few situations are worse for an introvert than being in front of a cake while friends and family sing what feels like a three-hour rendition of “Happy Birthday.” I never know what to do or where to look when that melody starts, and suddenly I have a cake in front of me and dozens of eyes on me.

There is no appropriate reaction to that situation. Do I smile the whole time? No, that would look fake, and my cheeks would probably start to hurt after the third “Happy birthday to you…” Do I put on a poker face? No, that would probably come off as bratty and ungrateful. Do I sing with them? No, that would look awkward. Do I run away and hide in the bathroom? No, that would probably lead to a lot of questions. Whoever came up with this particular birthday tradition obviously hated introverts and wanted to see them suffer.

I Don’t Hate All Birthdays, Just Mine

I love celebrating my friends and family’s birthdays. I enjoy seeing them happy and buying them presents to celebrate another year of their lives. But when the spotlight is on me and it’s my birthday, I hate it. I hate the pressure, the attention, and the Happy Birthday song.

However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed my birthdays before. The birthdays I have enjoyed the most are the ones when I did what I wanted to do, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with my best friends, not when I succumbed to the pressure from others and ended up doing what they wanted me to do.

So if you have an introvert in your life and you want to make their birthday special, just ask them what they want to do and respect it. Don’t assume everyone wants to celebrate with a huge party and be the center of attention.

And if you’re an introvert who hates their birthday like I do, there are ways to enjoy this “special day.” Set realistic expectations, put your foot down, and do what you want to do, whether that’s having dinner with your family, going dancing with your friends, or staying home with a good book and a Netflix marathon. I can’t promise you’ll start loving your birthday, but at least you’ll enjoy it more. And the good thing about birthdays is they only happen once a year.

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5 Reasons an Introvert Isn’t Talking

Why are you so quiet?

As an introvert, I’ve been asked this question countless times. It mostly happened when I was a child, but I distinctly remember one instance in high school when someone asked if I was mute. I replied that I simply didn’t like talking that much.

Growing up, I was the shy girl who preferred reading and writing stories over engaging in conversation. Classmates would ask me this question, while teachers and other adults would often sigh and comment, “Oh, she’s so quiet!”

Not all introverts are shy and quiet, but I happen to possess both these traits. And, I require much more alone time than most people around me.

In an effort to help the world better understand us “quiet ones” — and perhaps spare some of my fellow introverts from having to answer this annoying question — here are five reasons why an introvert might not be talking.

The list is here. Click to see if one of them is you or someone you know

The takeaway: Don’t try to force an introvert to talk more or change them into an extrovert. It won’t happen. Love them for who they are because there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.

Thanks again to Introvert Dear who makes my life more understandable.

Why Some Introverts Hate Their Birthdays

I’ve never really liked my birthday. In fact, it’s one of the days I dread the most. I hate all the extra attention and the pressure to make it a special day, usually with a party. It’s insufferable.

Introvert Dear has a great article today. Here goes.

When I was a teenager, I used to have long, exhausting fights with my mother in the weeks leading up to my birthday. She always wanted me to celebrate with a huge party filled with family and friends. But to me, a huge birthday party is synonymous with torture, not celebration. Instead, I wanted something small, like going to the movies or the bowling alley with a few close friends.

No Birthday Party For Me, Thank You

More often than not, I used to win these fights and ended up doing what I wanted for my birthday. But all these arguments took a toll on my mental health and self-esteem. Whenever I refused to have a party or make a big deal out of my birthday, people called me a party pooper, a killjoy, and a downer. I didn’t have the words to defend myself (I was still a kid), so I internalized all those insults and convinced myself that there was something “wrong” with me. It took me years to realize and accept that there was nothing wrong with me — I am an introvert.

I am now a proud introvert who can defend the reasons behind my actions and behaviors. In case you’re curious, my relationship with my mother has improved, but I still hate my birthday. I believe a lot of the reasons stem from the fact that I’m an introvert.

Obviously, not all introverts hate their birthdays, but over the years I have noticed that a significant portion of the online introvert community feels aversion or indifference toward their birthdays. Here are a few reasons I believe some introverts (like myself) don’t like their birthdays.

story plus way more including the list of things that suck about birthdays for Introverts.

I hate it as it’s just another day for me. Now that I’m (much) older, it reminds me of how little time I might have left.

What Are Your Future Travel Plans?

What are your future travel plans?

I’m doing it right now.

Instead of waiting at an airport with flights canceled by computer glitches, I’m up in the mountains where it is 30 degrees warmer than home. The food is grown on organic farms nearby and traffic is rare. The only sound I hear while typing this is birds chirping and my dog is at my feet.

I traveled for business for many decades. It was a time when you got service and comfort. Those are long gone now replaced by inconvenience and a general lack of concern by the service and travel industries.

There isn’t much to make me want to get on another cattle car to go wait in lines.

I also grew up in Central Florida before Disney World was built. I watched people pay exorbitant prices to wait for hours in the blazing sun for hours. I went at night or in the 2 weeks that are the Florida winter when my friends who worked there gave me tickets. That isn’t my idea of fun either.

I’d still like to hear from those who like it. It counter balances my position

Favorite Game (card, board, video, etc.) Why? It’s A Lay Up For Me

What’s your favorite game (card, board, video, etc.)? Why?

Once again, you get the introvert answer. I loathe those long assed games where people get together and socialize for hours playing Monopoly or Bridge. I’m ready to leave before it starts.

I had the chance to play video games in 1981 before Nintendo came out with the orange button controller. I knew then that I didn’t have time to waste playing the same scenario over and over, although I get the attraction to others.

If I play a card game, it’s going to be solitaire. I don’t really play it anymore, rather spend my time writing and learning, but anytime I can do something to not drain my social battery quickly.

I played golf yesterday. I can be alone there also. I have my earbuds in and tune out the world.

What Bothers You and Why?

What bothers you and why?

This goes like the line, how do I love you, let me count the ways. The list is endless and sometimes I feel like Clint Eastwood with, get off my lawn.

Rather than make a list, I’ll stick to my introverted life and go with small talk. Introverts have a low tolerance for conversation that isn’t meaningful or that isn’t going anywhere. When you are young, you might put up with it for a longer time or if there is a worthwhile reward (employment, sex, etc.). That reward is less as you move on in life.

Conversely, I love deep and engaging conversation, that is intellectually stimulating. Even then, there is a time limit and I need to recover.

I’ve learned to say yes, good, right, fine, good point, and anything that could end the conversation and not leave it open-ended.

21 Signs That Confirm You’re an Introvert

One clear sign you’re an introvert: You feel lonelier in a crowd than when you’re alone. Solitude feels good to you.

Have you always felt different? Were you the quiet one in school? Did people ask you, “Why don’t you talk more?” Do they still ask you that today?

If so, you might be an introvert like me.

Being an introvert means you lose energy from socializing and gain energy by spending time alone. That’s it. Introversion is not a flaw, a disorder, or a diagnosis. It’s a healthy personality trait that comes with many strengths.

Keep in mind, that nobody is completely introverted or extroverted — we all show both traits at different times, though we tend to lean more in one direction or the other.

Here’s the list, it’s pretty convincing.

Cancelled Plans, An Introvert’s Favorite Gift

Nothing is better for me than when plans are cancelled for an event. The minute I agree to do something I’m somewhat on the edge about, the regret begins. I bet I burn up as much of my social battery dreading going to these events as being there. Hell, I’m burnt out before I even go if I realize it’s a big mistake or someone says there will be a lot of people there.

In fact, if you want to give your introverted friend the gift they want the most, give them cancelled plans. It’s one of our favorites. Heck, call them up and say that the plans you had to go out together are cancelled, even if you didn’t make any. That’s how good of a gift it is.

Avoid Crowds And Stress, And Don’t Rush Around

What strategies do you use to increase comfort in your daily life?

Yes, it’s Introvert time again. I am more comfortable alone than I am among a lot of people. While it’s possible to be alone in a crowd (introvert strategy here), it still comes with stress.

I also hate deadlines and the stress that comes with making it. I try to get stuff done well in advance so I don’t have to deal with it at crunch time.

Oh, and avoid family reunions as much and as often as possible.

I’m sure others have much better strategies to increase their comfort, but here’s my .02.

What Is Your Most Memorable Vacation?

Describe your most memorable vacation.

I’ve been on vacations as a kid, with that family growing up. I was kind of a tag along and did what my parents decided mostly. We went to the beach a lot growing up in Florida. That meant I grew up next to Disney World. Heck, we didn’t even have Disney until 8th grade for me. My memories there are of playing alone next to the ocean in my own world.

Then came vacations with a different family, my wife and kids. We traveled around the world. They were good times that I’ll remember while taking one kid fishing everywhere and the other doing anything to keep her from being bored. There was no time to recover or recharge my social battery.

Later in life I did stuff like sailfishing in Costa Rica or going to F1 in Italy and again they were good, but stressful trying to catch planes and waiting in huge crowds. I still had to rush to catch planes and was a mule hauling luggage around the world.

As always though, my introvert self comes out. Vacations where you are always on the run and trying to make everyone happy wore my social battery out to the point that I’d need a vacation to recover from vacation.

Now, I just go to the mountains where there aren’t many people and I can relax without having people acting like tourists or waiting in line. I have my stuff in my place and I can do gardening and tree trimming out in field with no one telling me what to do.

Not having the next deadline or trying to catch the next plane is my favorite.

The Science Behind Why Introverts Need Alone Time

Again, this comes from Introvert Dear, a resource that helps me understand me. The link is at the end

The Curious Connection Between Introverts and Rewards

When writing my book, I spoke with Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who had recently published a paper on introversion. He explained that one reason introverts need alone time is related to how we respond to rewards.

No, I’m not referring to the gold foil stars you might have earned in grade school (though it could be argued that stickers are indeed a reward for kids). For adults, rewards can be things like money, social status, social connections, sex, and food. When you get promoted at work or convince an attractive stranger to give you their phone number, you’re receiving a reward. Hurray!

Of course, introverts also value things like money, relationships, and food. However, researchers believe that introverts are wired to respond differently to rewards than extroverts. Compared to our more outgoing counterparts, we “quiet ones” are simply less motivated and energized by these same rewards. It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while introverts often see overcooked hamburgers.

In fact, as any introvert can confirm, sometimes those “rewards” aren’t just less appealing — they can actually be tiring and annoying, like a big party. This brings me to another reason why introverts need alone time: We react differently to stimulation.

An Extrovert and an Introvert Go to a Party

Take, for example, two friends at a house party — one an extrovert, the other an introvert. They’re crammed into a crowded room where loud music blares from huge speakers. Everyone is practically shouting to be heard over the din. There are a dozen conversations happening simultaneously, with just as many things demanding their attention.

For the extrovert, this level of stimulation might feel just right. He sees potential rewards everywhere — an attractive stranger across the room, opportunities to deepen old relationships, and the chance to make new friends. Most importantly, tonight offers a chance to boost his social status within his friend group, especially if he navigates the evening skillfully.

So, the extrovert feels energized and excited to be at the party. In fact, he’s so motivated that he stays late into the night. He’s exhausted the next day and needs time to recover — after all, partying is hard work. But to him, the energy spent was well worth it.

Now, back to our introvert. See him over there, hunkered down in the corner? For him, the environment feels overwhelming. It’s too loud, there are too many things happening at once, and the crowd creates a dizzying buzz of activity. Sure, he wants to make friends, fit in, and be liked, but these rewards just aren’t as tantalizing to him. It feels like he would have to expend a lot of energy for something he’s only mildly interested in to begin with.

So, the introvert heads home early to watch a movie with his roommate. In his own apartment, with just one other person, the level of stimulation feels just right. He exchanges some texts with a woman he met a few weeks ago in one of his classes. Like the extrovert, he too wants friends and a romantic partner. However, he finds it too tiring to deal with the noise and socializing at a big party to make those connections.

The Dopamine Difference

Chemically, there’s a good reason the introvert in the above scenario feels overwhelmed, and it relates to a neurotransmitter called dopamine. This chemical, found in the brain, is often referred to as the “feel good” chemical because it regulates our pleasure and reward centers.

One of its roles is to make us notice potential rewards and motivate us to pursue them. For example, dopamine alerts the extrovert to the attractive stranger at the party and fuels his motivation to come up with a cheesy pick-up line.

Another important function of dopamine is reducing our cost of effort. Socializing requires energy because it involves paying attention, listening, thinking, speaking, and moderating our emotional reactions. Technically, socializing is tiring for everyone, including extroverts. However, dopamine helps make it less exhausting for them.

According to DeYoung, extroverts have a more active dopamine reward system. As a result, they can better tolerate — and often push through — the tiredness that inevitably comes with socializing. Much of the time, they don’t experience the same level of mental and physical fatigue that introverts do, thanks to this dopamine boost.

It’s called the “introvert” hangover, not the “extrovert” hangover for a reason.

Introverts Are Sensitive to Dopamine

Dr. Marti Olsen Laney explains the difference between introverts and extroverts in her 2002 book, The Introvert Advantage. She states that introverts are more sensitive to the effects of dopamine, requiring less of it to feel its pleasant effects. Too much dopamine, she notes, can lead us “quiet ones” to feel overstimulated — another reason why introverts need alone time

Extroverts, in contrast, may have a low sensitivity to dopamine, meaning they need more of it to feel happy. Social activities and stimulating environments increase dopamine production, which helps explain why extroverts relish socializing and “being on the go” more than introverts.

Introvert dopamine sensitivity
Source: “The introvert brain explained”

Interestingly, Dr. Laney explains that introverts may prefer to use a different brain pathway, one activated by acetylcholine. This neurotransmitter is linked to long-term memory, perceptual learning, and the ability to stay calm and alert, among other functions.

Introverts might enjoy spending time alone partly because of acetylcholine. According to Laney, this neurotransmitter can produce a sense of happiness for introverts when they engage in inward-focused activities, such as quietly reflecting or enjoying hobbies.

Extroverts Place More Significance on People

Finally, a study found that extroverts might simply find humans more interesting than introverts do. This finding aligns with the idea that introverts are less motivated to seek social rewards.

In this study, researchers observed a diverse group of individuals and recorded their brain’s electrical activity using an EEG. As participants were shown pictures of both objects and people, the researchers measured their brains’ P300 activity. This activity happens quickly in response to sudden changes around us and gets its name because it occurs within 300 milliseconds.

Interestingly, researchers found that extroverts showed the P300 response primarily when viewing images of faces, whereas introverts only exhibited this response after viewing objects. Essentially, extroverts’ brains became more active when looking at people.

This doesn’t mean that introverts hate people (though, admittedly, the human race can get on my nerves occasionally). Researchers still don’t fully understand introversion. However, these findings suggest that extroverts might simply place more importance on social interactions than introverts do.

So, the next time an introvert in your life needs alone time, remember that it’s not personal. Introverts need alone time because their brains are wired that way. It isn’t necessarily a reflection of how they feel about you or your relationship.

As for me, you can find me at home tonight. Preferably with the whole place to myself, that is.

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What Introverts Need To Be Happy

I sign up for a lot of these. Once again an excellent article from Introvert Dear.

1. Plenty of time to wind down and process

Yes, we introverts need downtime after things like parties and networking events. But we also need downtime after “little” things, too. Because we’re wired to process experiences deeply, introverts may get very drained by a stressful day at work, running errands, or a heated conversation with a significant other. Time to unwind allows us to fully comprehend what we just experienced and lower our stimulation level to one that’s more comfortable and sustainable. Without downtime, we’ll feel brain-dead, irritable, and even physically unwell or tired. This state is called the introvert hangover.

2. Meaningful conversation

How was your weekend? What’s new with you? We “quiet ones” can do small talk (it’s a skill many of us have forced ourselves to learn), but that doesn’t mean we enjoy it. Introverts crave diving deep, both in our interests and in our relationships. We need something more: What’s something new you’ve learned lately? How are you a different person today than you were ten years ago? Does God exist?

Not every conversation has to be soul-searchingly deep. Sometimes introverts really do just want to talk about the weather or what you did this weekend. But if we’re only fed a diet of small talk, we’ll leave the table still feeling like we’re still hungry. Without those intimate, raw, big-idea moments, we’ll be unhappy.

(Speaking of chitchat, here’s the real reason introverts hate small talk.)

3. Companionable silence

It may seem contrary to #2, but introverts also need people in their lives who are content with quiet. We need friends or partners who can sit in the same room with us, not talking, each of us doing our own thing. People who won’t nervously jump to fill a pause in the conversation but will let thoughts linger, waiting until ideas have been fully digested. Without periods of companionable silence, introverts just won’t be happy.

4. Space to dive deep into our hobbies and interests

17th-century horror novels. Celtic mythology. Restoring old cars. Gardening, painting, cooking, or writing. If it’s out there, introverts are diving deep into it. Having time alone to focus on our hobbies and interests recharges us because, while absorbed in them, we likely enter an energizing state of flow. According to the famed psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi, “flow” is a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity and enjoying the process. A flow state comes naturally to many introverts, and without it, we won’t feel happy.

(Speaking of hobbies, here’s why introverts should take up new, random hobbies.)

5. A quiet space that’s all ours

Admittedly, this is something I don’t have right now because my toddler is the ultimate space-invader. However, introverts ideally need a private, quiet space to retreat to when the world is too loud. It could be a room that they can arrange, decorate, and have full control over — a true introvert sanctuary. Or it might be just a special corner, couch, or chair. Being fully alone, without fear of intrusion or interruption, is invigorating on a near-spiritual level for introverts.

6. Time to think

According to Dr. Marti Olsen Laney in The Introvert Advantage, introverts might rely more on long-term memory than working memory (for extroverts, it’s the opposite). This might explain why we introverts struggle to put our thoughts into words. While words seem to flow effortlessly for extroverts, introverts often need an extra beat to think before responding — or much longer to consider a bigger issue. Without time to process and reflect, introverts will feel stressed.

(Want to learn more? Here’s the science behind why writing tends to be easier than speaking for introverts.)

7. People who understand that sometimes we’ll be staying home

For introverts, socializing is all about dosage. We need friends and loved ones who understand that sometimes we just can’t “people” — and they accept this without giving us a guilt trip. It’s not that we don’t value their company; we simply need time to recharge. Having people in our lives who respect our need for solitude helps us maintain our energy and emotional health. This understanding allows us to show up more fully when we do spend time together.

8. A deeper purpose to our lives and work

Everyone needs to pay their bills, and for many of us, that’s why we go to work, even if we have to drag ourselves kicking and screaming. Some people are content with this arrangement, or at least tolerate it. However, for many introverts, it’s not enough — we crave work that’s purposeful and meaningful. We want to do more than just earn a paycheck and put a roof over our heads. Without meaning and purpose in our lives — whether it comes from our job, a relationship, a hobby, or something else — introverts will feel deeply unhappy.

9. Quiet

Sometimes we just don’t have the energy to interact. We might be turned inward, doing what introverts do best — reflecting on and analyzing ideas and experiences. Pointing out, “You’re so quiet!” or prodding us to talk only makes us feel self-conscious. At these times, let us remain quiet — it might be what we need to be happy. After we’ve had time to process and recharge, we’ll likely return with plenty to say.

10. Independence

Unique and independent, introverts are more inclined to let their own inner resources guide them than follow the crowd. We often do our best work — and are our happiest — when we have the freedom to explore ideas, spend time alone, and be self-directed. Independence allows us to tap into our creativity and inner wisdom, setting our own pace and making the decisions that are best for us. Without this autonomy, we might feel stifled.

11. The simple life

I have an extroverted friend who seems to do it all— volunteering at her son’s school, caring for her family, planning get-togethers for our friends, and holding down a full-time job. As an introvert, I’d never survive that same schedule; besides, the simple life is good enough for me. A good book, a lazy weekend, a meaningful conversation with a friend, and some snuggles from my animal companions are what make me happy.

12. Friends and loved ones who value us

We’re never going to be the most popular person in the room. In fact, in a large group, you might not even notice us at all, as we tend to remain in the background. Nevertheless, just like anyone else, we introverts need people in our lives who see our value and love us despite our quirks. We know that at times we can be difficult to deal with — nobody’s perfect. When you love and accept us as we are, even when our weird introvert behavior don’t make sense to you, you make our lives profoundly happier.

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