Tag: humor

What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

I grew up in the 60’s before they took off the good TV because it was wholesome, albeit not something that challenged our intelligence.

So it was Batman (Adam West), Gilligans Island (My Mom hated us watching that), The Beverly Hillbilies, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie (Even then I knew Barbara Eden was hot), The Wild Wild West, Green Acres and some others of this ilk.

They wiped all of those out for the next round, but we still had WKRP, Taxi, Barney Miller and some of those that were good.

Were You Born An Asshole, Or Did You Work At It All Your Life

Every time I hear this song, I think of people that I worked with.

My first job was relatively free of them, but then the list started.

At ICS, there was Gilbert/Carl Fiorentino – they went to jail.

The next job at Core was these two:

Robert Adamson and Sondra Arkin. Robert tried to screw people over out of sheer spite and Sondra was a loser who was a vindictive feminist. There were a lot of others like the head of software development, but he was more of a wiener.

I moved to IBM and there were plenty of people like:

Laura Knapp, Sandy Carter, John Callies, Amy Loomis, Ed Barbini, and a lot of New Yorkers, but the top of the list when I hear the song is:

Ray Gorman.

I always go to him as he was tied with Amy as my worst manager. No one continuously lied to me as much as Ray from day one. He also always tried to screw me but never could. He was mad that I made more money than him and beat the system continuously when he couldn’t. He thought I didn’t know what he was doing, but everyone told me what he was up to behind my back (not just to me, he fired a guy who had taken leave to serve in Afghanistan) so I was always a step ahead. It was funny that he could never get away with screwing me because everyone else thought he was an asshole also.

He’s really lucky that I didn’t actually kick his ass. I saw him in Vegas at a computer show after he got transferred to Lenovo and he tried to act like nothing happened. He thought we were friends after backstabbing me. It was all I could do to not deck him. I did the right thing and walked away, but not next time, he’s got an ass whooping coming . I dislike sniveling pricks and that’s why I think of Ray when the song plays.

Toilet Paper: The Biggest Scam to Ever Exist?

After I visited Japan, I’ve had a bidet to clean my ass. No more shit-stained undies or worrying that you might smell like shit if there was a chance of some oral satisfaction.

Now this:

Ah, toilet paper. That innocent little roll sitting quietly in your bathroom, innocuous, and oh-so-essential—or is it? If you ask me, my dear wicked ones, we might be staring at the greatest con in the history of mankind. Yes, I said it. Let’s dish.

Think about it. We’re paying good money for a product that we literally flush down the toilet. Every. Single. Day. We’re tossing away cash, wiping it on our behinds, and sending it to the sewage system like it’s nothing. Is this not the ultimate racket? The Charmin bears are probably lounging in their gold-plated forest homes, laughing at us all.

Let’s dive into the origins, shall we? Toilet paper is a relatively modern invention, but somehow, humanity has survived for centuries without it. A few leaves, a splash of water, a bit of cloth—crude but effective. Fast forward to today, and we’ve been brainwashed to believe that without this fluffy, overpriced tissue, civilization as we know it would collapse. Really? The ancients managed, and last I checked, they built the pyramids.

And don’t even get me started on the marketing. Those cute little puppies and bears in the commercials, selling us the dream of the softest, plushest experience for our derrières—oh please. It’s a game, my friends—a sly, cunning game. The manufacturers have you convinced that more plies equal a better life. But does your rear end really know the difference between two-ply and four-ply? I doubt it.

Of course, I’m not suggesting we all start using leaves again—after all, we’ve evolved past that (haven’t we?). But isn’t it time to question the necessity of this everyday item that’s silently draining our bank accounts and our forests? There are alternatives, from bidets to bamboo—dare I say, the time for a toilet paper revolution is nigh?

Here’s the rest which tells you why you should wash your ass.

I never had a problem during COVID-19 because my bidet did the job. I was laughing at people trying to find it at the stores.

Mis-read This One, Thought It Said Faggots Attack

The Democrats have a maggot problem.

No, not Adam Kinzinger or Bob Menendez, but an honest-to-goodness, literal maggot problem.

And it’s bad enough that the Federal Bureau of Investigation is getting involved.

According to WGN-TV, a number of “female offenders” sneaked into the Fairmont Hotel — which was hosting the 2024 Democratic National Convention Breakfast in Chicago — to contaminate various food items with maggots.

“Multiple unknown female offenders are alleged to have entered a building (200 block of North Columbus Drive) and began placing unknown objects onto tables containing food,” a statement from law enforcement handling security at the DNC noted. “The offenders are believed to have then left the area.

Story

Still, this is pretty gross

Bet they wore MAGA hats and Trump shirts, the hoaxers always do (same with the FBI when they set up something)

Least Attractive Female Hobbies

Being an introvert, I’d put small talk when you talk at someone instead of talking to them, or being interesting. Don’t narrate your day and expect me to want to engage

Sayings I Used For My Email Closing At Work

I kept this file hanging around and thought I’d share it, YMMV:

L’esprit de L’escalier – things you wish you could have said after you leave an argument

Talk to a fool and he calls you foolish

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.”

Vous-avez le cerveau d’un d’un sandwich au fromage –you have the brain of a cheese sandwich

“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” (Sign hanging in Einstein’s office at Princeton)

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
– Dale Carnegie

Robert Frost – “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

Arrête de ramer, tu attaques la falaise. (you can stop rowing now, you’re on the beach)

It is easy to lose one’s perspective in a mass of details.

Failure is but a paragraph in the book of each human life. It is the pages that follow that ultimately define us

Laurence J. Peter – “An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.”

“Racing is Life.  Everything before and after is just waiting.” Steve McQueen from the movie LeMans

Albert Einstein open original article “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former

Joseph Heller -“The enemy is anybody who’s going to get you killed,
no matter which side he’s on.”

Sidney J. Harris – “A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.”

Abba Eban-“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”

When you win, say nothing, when you lose, say less. -Paul Brown

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. -Michael Jordan

Every game is an opportunity to measure yourself against your own potential. -Bud Wilkinson

Excellence is not a singular act but a habit. You are what you do repeatedly. -Shaquille O’Neal

“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” Winston Churchill, as quoted in The New American Newspeak Dictionary (2005) by Adrian Krieg, p. 96

 Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of strength – Oscar Wilde

“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

Losers quit when they’re tired. Winners quit when they’ve won

370H-SSV-0773H – read upside down

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race [is] not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so [are] the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.

— Ecclesiastes 9:11,12 —

“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.” – John Kenneth Galbraith

If guns kill people, then pens misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, forks make you fat, and TVs make you watch porn.

Listen to people. If they are worth talking to, they are worth listening to first.

You can’t change what happens to you in life. All you can change is how you deal with it.

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a $hit in days.

Liberalism: Moochers electing looters to steal from producers

Political Correctness – A term used by whiny pussies that need stuff sugar coated

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” -Albert Einstein

 “I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.” Abraham Lincoln

“This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.” Elmer Davis

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty.”  John F. Kennedy

“Sure I wave the American flag. Do you know a better flag to wave? Sure I love my country with all her faults. I’m not ashamed of that, never have been, never will be.”  John Wayne

“We must always remember that America is a great nation today not because of what government did for people but because of what people did for themselves and for one another.” Richard Nixon

“There is no limit to the greatness of America!” George W. Bush

“Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy.” Ann Coulter

“I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.” Nathan Hale

“Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.” Adlai E. Stevenson

“One, if you attack my integrity, I will defend myself. If you attack my patriotism, I will defend myself. If you come after my family, I will counter-attack viciously, I will destroy you.” Scott Ritter

“The American patriots of today continue the tradition of the long line of patriots before them, by helping to promote liberty and freedom around the world.” John Linder  

“Patriotism is easy to understand in America. It means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country.” Calvin Coolidge

“This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in.” Theodore Roosevelt

“You cannot spill a drop of American blood without spilling the blood of the whole world…. We are not a nation, so much as a world.” Herman Melville 

A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.

– Ariel Durant

“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.” – George Eliot

Quote du jour

But isn’t it always that way with liberals? The only time they seem to make any sense at all is when they’re drunk or you are.

–Burt Prelutsky

Ya gotta be tough if your gonna be stupid.

“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.”

Laurence J. Peteropen original article

“Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.”

“Never judge a book by its movie.”

“Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.”

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
— Benjamin Franklin

“Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.”
— Vladimir Lenin

“When an opponent declares, ‘I will not come over to your side,’ I calmly say, ‘Your child belongs to us already… What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community.’”
— Adolf Hitler

Never take advice from women about women.

And the last one was when I retired:

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me – Jimmy Buffett

The Left Always Eat Each Other – Joe Biden Throws Kamala Harris Under the Bus, Says She is Also Responsible for Current Dumpster Fire Economy as She Desperately Tries to Distance Herself From His Polices!

Joe Biden threw Kamala Harris under the bus and said she is also responsible for the current dumpster fire economy.

“The issues that we’ve worked on together have made great progress economically,” Biden said.

There is no progress economically. Americans are suffering from crippling inflation thanks to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

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The 2024 Democratic Ticket

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Have (big) Dick, Will Travel

French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati’s bulge might have played a role in costing him Olympic gold — but now it’s given him the chance for some major green.

After Ammirati’s bulge clipped the crossbar during his pole vault heat at the 2024 Summer Olympics on Saturday, August 3, the image spread like wildfire on social media as viewers marveled at his endowment, while lamenting what it had taken from him. 

As it turns out, Ammirati’s misfortune also caught the attention of adult entertainment company CamSoda who offered him $250,000 in exchange for a 60-minute cam show.

In a letter obtained by Us Weekly, CamSoda Vice President Daryn Parker made the offer to Ammirati, 21, to show off his “goods” in exchange for the big payday.

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He could go Onlyfans with a hog like that

Friday Dick Humor With Meme’s To Steal And Share

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Mid Week Meme Dump

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And for my Danish relatives who brag that they are always the happiest country, It’s easy to be happy when you have such low expectations. I never bought it.

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What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

Making my kids eat everything on their plate.

I had to finish everything when I was young. My Dad would sit at the table while I chewed tough meat like I was chewing gum forever. This was after the others left.

Or my personal worst, choking down boiled okra. That slimy shit made me gag and I suffered through it until it was done. I think after a while my Mom had either mercy on me or tried to serve something I could finish.

I made sure my kids had enough to eat and that there was healthy food on their plate. When they were full and I believed it, I ended the pain for both of us. They grew up and survived, but then I guess I did also.

I always tried to learn from what they did right and wrong. There are lessons in both.

The Best Of Dick Humor

If it says dick humor, it’s a bunch of memes to laugh at and steal. Otherwise, it is double-entendre stories or some word play on the word dick.

childhood pranks

gonna start my week off like a champion, dick champion

somewhere there is a teenager naming his johnson this

how hard is the wood?

Billy Glasscock – coach

best jersey swap of all time, they knew what they were doing

sounding, sticking things in your dick

translation, we shot him in the dick

dick jokes if told by a girl

dick strong

because lawyers are dicks

dick humor real estate style

dick humor low hanging style

liberal men suffer more ED

dick humor

dick humor or dad humor

dick humor

dick humor

Break your dick to make it bigger

dick humor

Because guys like girls without dicks

Saturday dick humor

dick humor

dick humor at the Trump trial

dick humor

Latin for ungrateful dickhead

dick humor

dick humor

Headline I Never Thought I’d Read….‘You J*cked Off In A F*cking Parking Lot’: Cal Quantrill’s Savage Trolling Towards Reese McGuire Nearly Sparks Brawl

Rockies starting pitcher Cal Quantrill was facing a jam with two outs on the board, and ended up getting out of it after Red Sox catcher Reese McGuire flew out to center field. However, things hit a boiling point, and quickly, before he even made it back to the dugout. And on top of that, the situation got incredibly personal — incredibly, incredibly personal. Like, we’re talking disrespectful as hell. So much so, that it cleared the benches and nearly sparked up an outright brawl.

But his momentum didn’t last long at all, as Quantrill savagely trolled that ass.

“You j*cked off in a f*cking parking lot, you dumb f*ck,” Quantrill yelled at Reese.

And from there, the two nearly got into a fight, with benches clearing that almost sparked up an outright brawl between the Rockies and Red Sox.

story

I Wonder If He’ll Use It To Fire Up A Blunt

Rapper Snoop Dogg is set to carry the Olympic torch during the final leg of its tour across France ahead of Friday’s Olympic opening ceremony in Paris.

Mathieu Hanotin, the mayor of Saint-Denis, a northern suburb of Paris, took to X on Monday to confirm the news. Mr. Hanotin said the city—perched on the bank of the Seine River—will serve as the final stop on the Olympic Torch Relay’s cross-country route, marking the start of the 2024 Paris Games, set to run from July 26 to Aug. 11.

In addition to his torchbearer duties, Snoop Dogg, born Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr., will also serve as a commentator for NBCUniversal’s coverage of the Paris Games. The rapper previously reported for NBC’s streaming platform Peacock during the 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics—held in 2021 because of the pandemic—providing colorful sports commentary alongside comedian Kevin Hart.

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When Your Wiener Is Broken And You Can’t Drive It Home

OAK BROOK, Ill.—An Oscar Mayer Wienermobile got into a pickle on a Chicago highway.

The hot-dog shaped Wienermobile hit a car Monday morning along Interstate 294 and its driver lost control and overcorrected, causing it to roll onto its side near the Chicago suburb of Oak Brook, Illinois State Police said.

No injuries were reported after the crash, which prompted the closure of the right lane of northbound I-294 for more than an hour, officials said.

A spokesperson for the Oscar Mayer brand, which has several Wienermobiles, told the Chicago Sun-Times it’s “grateful that everybody involved is safe and there were no injuries.”

Video from the crash scene shows that the yellow and orange Wienermobile was later hauled away on a flatbed truck with apparent damage visible on part of the vehicle.

story

Why People Suck At Golf

Since I just got off the course, I asked one of the AI engines and this is the answer.

Ah, golf. That beloved sport where people spend hours on the green, only to come back with a score that would make a caveman proud. Why do people suck at golf, you ask? Well, let me enlighten you with my wit and sarcasm.

First and foremost, it’s because golf is a game of precision, and who needs that in their life? I mean, who wants to spend their weekends perfecting their swing, when they could be binge-watching the latest season of “The Bachelor”? It’s so much more fun to watch other people’s lives fall apart, am I right?

Secondly, golf requires patience, and we all know that’s a dying art in this fast-paced world. Who has the time to wait for their turn to putt when they could be scrolling through TikTok and watching videos of people falling off treadmills? Clearly, golf is just not meant for the modern world.

Now, let’s talk about technique. Who needs proper form and a good grip when you can just swing that club like a baseball bat? I mean, it’s not like there’s any difference between the two sports, right? Oh wait, there is. But who cares about that when you can look cool while completely missing the ball?

And let’s not forget about the mental aspect of the game. Golf is a sport that requires focus and the ability to block out distractions, like your annoying golf buddies who insist on giving you unsolicited advice. But why bother with that when you can just let your mind wander and think about what you’re going to eat for dinner? Priorities, people.

In conclusion, people suck at golf because they just don’t have the time, patience, or mental fortitude to truly excel at the game. But hey, who needs to be good at golf when you can be a pro at procrastination and watching reality TV? Keep on sucking, my fellow golfers. It’s what makes this sport so endearingly frustrating.

Cancelled Plans, An Introvert’s Favorite Gift

Nothing is better for me than when plans are cancelled for an event. The minute I agree to do something I’m somewhat on the edge about, the regret begins. I bet I burn up as much of my social battery dreading going to these events as being there. Hell, I’m burnt out before I even go if I realize it’s a big mistake or someone says there will be a lot of people there.

In fact, if you want to give your introverted friend the gift they want the most, give them cancelled plans. It’s one of our favorites. Heck, call them up and say that the plans you had to go out together are cancelled, even if you didn’t make any. That’s how good of a gift it is.

Competitive Eating Update – Joey Chestnut Eats 200 Wings In 38 Minutes After Inhaling 57 Hot Dogs On The Fourth Of July; Nathan’s Runner Up Caught Cheating

First the positive:

Joey Chestnut doing Joey Chestnut things!

While most Americans were trying to figure out how to get through their Monday back to work after Fourth of July weekend, legendary competitive eater Joey Chestnut was right back to throwing down at the table and setting records.

During the holiday weekend, the official Twitter account of Buffalo Wild Wings issued a challenge to Chestnut to smack 200 boneless wings — challenge accepted.

Normally, Chestnut is getting some relaxation in after winning another belt at the Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, but he ended up getting banned from the event after inking a contract with Impossible Foods, a grower of fake meat that Nathan’s didn’t want any part of.

But B-Dubs did!

“hey @joeyjaws if you eat 200 boneless wings tomorrow at all you can eat, i’ll extend it to 8/14,” wrote Buffalo Wild Wings in a Sunday morning tweet.

Story

Now this. I didn’t think you could cheat, yet here we are:

The competitive eating world has been completely shaken up after a cheating scandal has rocked the 2024 edition of the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest that takes place every Fourth of July, with a contender being hit with allegations of trying to crank up his score by using hand trickery.

Nick Wehry, the husband of women’s hot dog champion Miki Sudo, allegedly used sleight of hand trickery while the contest was happening in an attempt to fraudulently increase the number of hot dogs that he ate to become a part of the elite contenders of the sport, according to insider sources who told this information to the New York Post.

“100% he cheated,” one source said Tuesday to The Post.

Originally, Wehry had a score of 46.75 hot dogs eaten, however, that figure got bumped up to 51.75 later. According to the outlet’s sources, he ended up getting credit for eating five more wieners than what he actually did. On top of that, Wehry is also being knocked with accusations of “stealing plates” from a fellow competitor, stacking them in his area to bring his tally over 50. Oh! And he asked for a recount after the original scoring from the judge.

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Aibohphobia – The Fear Of Palindromes

Aha, I was looking for a gag that would refer to a list of palindromes. Wow, being a dad, did ewe (you) ever think of this? Mom would have been proud of me for this gag.

I started writing at noon, but it took me to the eve to finish.

It’s a saga that I refer to, but wow it was just a deed that was tit for tat.

Count the palindromes.

Trump Challenges Biden To A Dick Measuring Contest

President Joe Biden’s campaign staff is scrambling to excuse the candidate from a golf contest against his 2024 opponent, former President Donald Trump.

The two presidential candidates clashed at their first debate of the cycle on June 27, where their skill at the gentleman’s sport became a point of contention.

“I just won two club championships, not even senior, two regular club championships,” Trump said on the debate stage in response to a question about his age and fitness. “To do that, you have to be quite smart, and you have to be able to hit the ball a long way. And I do it. He doesn’t do it.

“He can’t hit a ball 50 yards,” the former president continued. “He challenged me to a golf match. He can’t hit a ball 50 yards.”

Biden was quick to pick up the challenge.

“Look, I’d be happy to have a driving contest with him,” Biden said in response. “I got my handicap, which, when I was vice president, down to a 6.”

“And by the way, I told you before I’m happy to play golf if you carry your own bag. Think you can do it?”

This bravado from Biden echoes a post made to the president’s X account earlier in the year enthusiastically challenging Trump to face him on the links.

Rest of The Story

Any man vs man contest is a dick measuring contest.

It turned out that Biden pussed out. I’ll cut him slack on his health, but he’s been a braggart all his life and now he gets called to the mat and can’t back up his bravado talk.

The real contest is who has the biggest balls here, and I’m going with Trump

Joey Chestnut Still The Hotdog Eating King, Ties Nathan’s Winner In Half The Time

Nathan’s Hot Dog Contest, Badlands Booker Let’s Out Booger Burp After Setting World Record

Right out of Revenge of the Nerds

Here’s the original

The 4th Of July Hot Dog Eating Contest Enters A New Era, Loses A Champion

I became enamored with this contest by phenom eater Kobayashi, a skinny kid from Japan who revolutionized competitive eating. It also grosses out my wife. That means I’ve been watching for decades.

Kobayashi was defeated by Joey Chestnut who will not defend his championship this year because of a conflict with the sponsor, Nathan’s hot dogs and others (see below). I’ll still watch, but we will be in the 30 or 40 dog range to win, versus the 60 to76 that we’ve been treated to by Chestnut.

his Fourth of July, Joey Chestnut will be doing what Joey Chestnut does better than any human being alive:

Eating hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog after hot dog…

And on and on, down the hatch, with stunning pace and a strange sort of grace. 

Chestnut—aka “Jaws,” the Michael Jordan of competitive eating, the Picasso of Pork, the Federer of Frankfurters, the GOAT of bloat, a man who once ate a world record 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes—will spend the holiday competing casually alongside members of the U.S. military at Fort Bliss in Texas in a quickly-assembled event airing on his YouTube channel.

Though Chestnut is honored for the opportunity, the stunning news is where the 40-year-old won’t be–parked at a table outside Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island, N.Y., dominating a legendary hot dog eating contest he has won a staggering 16 times.

“Bittersweet,” Chestnut told me in an interview this week.  

Behind Chestnut’s absence is a dispute involving his nascent relationship with Impossible Foods, the plant-based food maker. The partnership chafed the powers behind Major League Eating and the Nathan’s Famous competition, who felt Chestnut was getting cozy with a rival. 

So Chestnut is out, casting a footlong shadow over the annual beachside showdown—and riling a fan base that can’t believe the iconic competition will happen without its signature stomach. 

No Joey Chestnut in Coney Island on the Fourth of July? It’s like asking a bald eagle to stay home in the nest.  

“Stop being such weenies!” New York City mayor Eric Adams wrote in a pun-tastic tweet. 

“The entire country’s [expletive] bummed,” said ESPN’s biceps curl Cronkite Pat McAfee. “I don’t even know if people are going to light off fireworks now.”

“Let the guy suck down dogs!” McAfee pleaded.

Chestnut, who won his first Nathan’s event in 2007 and parlayed his talent into global fame and a full-time occupation, sounded plenty bummed by the conflict. He doesn’t see his relationship with Impossible Foods as a deal-breaker–he’s still a devoted carnivore who sees plant-based food as a supplement to his meat diet, not a replacement. 

He compared it to Tom Brady endorsing Under Armour cleats and also Ugg boots–an interesting choice, given that Tom Brady would sooner eat an Adirondack chair than a meaty hot dog. 

“You can eat meat and you can also eat plant-based meat,” Chestnut said. “I feel like that should be OK with people.”

Impossible Foods had no issues with Chestnut consuming meat products at the Nathan’s event–or anywhere else, said the company’s CEO, Peter McGuinness.

“He’s a flexitarian,” McGuinness said. “He is our target audience. We’re not a vegan company and we need to be appealing to meat eaters.”

Major League Eating’s president, Richard Shea, echoed Chestnut’s term to describe the situation: bittersweet. The issue was a brand conflict, he said. He went on to rave about Chestnut’s talent and indelible mark on the annual competition, which is televised by ESPN. 

“We love Joey, we wish he was there, we support his choice and think it’s a cool tribute, what he’s doing with the troops in Texas,” Shea said. “He’s a great champion.”

After the initial dust-up, MLE and Nathan’s Famous offered to put aside their issues and allow Chestnut to participate in 2024 – but the offering couldn’t bring the hot dog Hoover vac back to the table. 

The relationship may need further repair. Chestnut believed his team was still negotiating when the controversy spilled into view with a Major League Eating statement that they were “devastated” at Chestnut’s decision to partner with “a rival brand that sells plant-based hot dogs.”

Having the impasse go public felt like a gut-punch to Chestnut, the contest’s most identifiable winner, long ago surpassing the competitive eating godfather Takeru Kobayashi of Japan. 

“It’s hard to rebuild trust once bridges have been burned a little bit,” Chestnut said. 

Chestnut trains like an endurance athlete, with vigorous eating sessions to prepare him to push his physical limits. He practices breathing techniques to stay calm and loose and even asks people to come yell at him in practice to try and simulate a noisy contest environment. 

The champion felt on pace for a potentially record-setting Fourth of July. 

“It was definitely my best training in years,” he said. 

While consuming even a half dozen hot dogs would curl me into a fetal ball for a month, Chestnut said he’s in good health. He said he gets his blood regularly checked, and that his doctor remains comfortable with his career choice. 

“He told me whatever I’m doing, I can keep doing it,” Chestnut said. 

After the event at Fort Bliss, Chestnut will turn his attention to a brand-new event–a showdown with storied rival Kobayashi to be shown on Netflix. Billed as “Chestnut vs. Kobayashi: Unfinished Beef” the mano-a-mano gulletpalooza will go down on Labor Day, Sept. 2. 

“I want to make him uncomfortable and he wants to make me uncomfortable,” Chestnut pledged. 

As for a future return to Coney Island, the champ is trying to stay optimistic. 

Can it really be the Fourth of July without Joey Chestnut dogging dogs near the Brooklyn boardwalk? 

“I love that contest,” said the hot dog gawd. “I would do anything reasonable to make it back there.”    

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I’m Going To Watch This Trainwreck, Hunter Is Advising Joe Biden

Yes, I’d be asking what the hell is happening also.

WASHINGTON — Hunter Biden has joined meetings with President Joe Biden and his top aides since his father returned to the White House from Camp David on Monday evening, according to four people familiar with the matter. 

The president’s son has also been talking to senior White House staff, these people said.

While he is regularly at the White House residence and events, it is unusual for Hunter Biden to be in and around meetings that his father is having with his team, these people said. They said the president’s aides were struck by his presence during their discussions. 

Hunt Biden was found guilty last month by a jury in a federal court in Delaware on gun-related charges. He remains under indictment for tax-related felonies, which he has pleaded not guilty. Shorly after the jury found him guilty, Hunter Biden returned to his home in California.

One of the people familiar with the matter said Hunter Biden has been closely advising his father since the family gathered this past weekend at Camp David after Thursday’s debate. This person said Hunter Biden has “popped into” a couple of meetings and phone calls the president has had with some of his advisers.

Another person familiar with the matter said the reaction from some senior White House staff has been, “What the hell is happening?”

Hunter Biden’s presence in and around his father’s meetings comes amid questions about whether Joe Biden should continue his re-election campaign.

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The Most and Least Expensive Beers at College Football Stadiums

For years, college football fans had to resort to tailgating for their pre-game beers, as NCAA rules and various state laws prevented the sale of alcohol inside stadiums. This changed gradually as universities recognized the potential for increased revenue and improved fan experience.

The NCAA began relaxing its stance and by the mid-2010s several schools started to pilot beer sales during games. Today, a significant number of stadiums have embraced this change, though prices can vary dramatically.

As a byproduct many of the nation’s most difficult environments to play in have become all the more ruckus given the inclusion of alcohol.

Let’s break down the most and least expensive beers available in college football stadiums, as highlighted in a recent tweet by @CFBRep.

Most Expensive Beers According to @CFBRep

  1. Tennessee Volunteers 
    • Price: $13 per beer
    • You had to expect that an SEC program would come in first place, and it did.
  2. UCLA Bruins and the Colorado Buffs
    • Price: $12 per beer
  3. Minnesota Gold Gophers and Rutgers Scarlet Knights
    • Price: $11 per beer
    • The Big Ten has two teams tied for third, both coming in north of $10/beer. If you’re in Minneapolis be sure to pair cheese curds with your beer…oh and dress in layers.
  4. Arkansas Razorbacks, USC Trojans, Oregon St. Beavers, NC State Wolfpack, Syracuse Orange, Virginia Tech Hokies, Purdue Boilermakers and Illinois Fighting Illini.

rest of the colleges and beers here

How do I waste the most time every day?

How do you waste the most time every day?

While I get a lot of stuff done both physically and mentally, if there’s Formula One on TV, or Tour de France, or something interesting on the Internet it’s over for me.

It’s just how you define if it’s wasting time or something meaningful to you.

Click on this list to help you decide.

Yes, Spaceballs 2 Announced – May The Schwartz Be With You

Please Lord, don’t let them ruin this. At least it’s Mel Brooks.

A sequel to the 1987 Mel Brooks monster hit “Star Wars” parody “Spaceballs” is in the works, with actor Josh Gad and Brooks on board producing the upcoming film.

Amazon MGM Studios confirmed to The Hollywood Reporter that a sequel to the 1980s comedy is in early development with Gad not only on board to produce, but star in as well.

The script is being written by Dan Hernandez, Benji Samit, and Gad, with Josh Greenbaum helming the project, the outlet noted.

Details of the plot are being kept under wraps for now with Kevin Salter on board as executive producer.

“Spaceballs” came out from MGM a decade after George Lucas introduced the world to the Force in “Star Wars” in the late 1970s.

The parody’s cast included such up-and-coming stars of the time as John Candy, Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, and Daphne Zuniga. And the C-3PO parody character was voiced by the late-star Joan Rivers.

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A Typical Marriage Conversation

This comes from my writings in 2020. It’s unedited and I read it and say yep, that’s marriage. I have this conversation frequently. Just change out the subject to anything or anybody and it goes about the same.


Here is my day. (Wife or T) Which chicken should we get out? Me: get out the one in the package. T: but they are too big. Me: then get out the other one. T: but they won’t work will they? Me: use whatever you want. T: but which chicken should I get out? Me: whatever works, it’s chicken. T: what do you think I should use. Me: (to myself: whatever the fuck you want, you aren’t listening anyway) You asked me and I told you and you don’t want to do it so look in the freezer and get out some chicken. T: but you bought them and I thought you bought another one. Me: look in the freezer and find the right one (about to shoot myself).

I never knew which chicken we got out. I knew it didn’t matter.

I’m not Jewish, but when I lived in South Florida, the guys told me this one. Why do Jewish Husbands die first?

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A: Because they want to.