Unintended Childish Humor About Dicks And Boobs

Ranking 25 Of The Funniest Animal Names On Earth

Funniest Animal Names

Across the world, scientists have identified over 1.5 million living animal species. One of the perks of being a field biologist to first document a species is they get to name it and that has led to some of the funniest animal names imaginable.

As I was engaged in a highly-competitive game of ‘Bird Bingo’ with my family the other day and appreciating how hilarious some bird names are the idea struck me to bring you all a collection of the funniest animal names on earth. Now here we are!

Ranking 25 Of The Funniest Animal Names In Existence

Many of these are birds but birds don’t have a complete monopoly on the funniest animal names. The list also includes frogs, turtles, sharks, and more. So let’s dive in!

1. American Woodcock

American woodcock bird
American woodcock bird

The American woodcock (Scolopax minor) doesn’t have just one hilarious name it also has a list of incredible nicknames that include the ‘timberdoodle,’ the ‘mudbat,’ the ‘bogsucker,’ and more. They also have an adorable dance where they rock back and forth.

This is the only species of woodcock native to North America and there is currently one in NYC that is the city’s latest bird celebrity. People are traveling from all over to see the NYC American Woodcock.

2. Blue-Footed Booby

blue footed booby bird
blue footed booby bird

This fella right here needs no introduction, the feet speak for themselves. The Blue-Footed Booby is probably the most famous ‘funny animal name’ on earth for obvious reasons.

They are a marine bird native to the subtropical Eastern Pacific Ocean and have a wingspan up to 5ft but it is their bright blue feet that steal the show.

3. Andean Cock of the Rock

Andean Cock of the Rock bird
Andean Cock of the Rock bird

I love this bird. The Andean cock-of-the-rock (Rupicola peruvianus) is absolutely stunning. This is actually the bird that was the entire impetus for this list as I had the Andean cock-of-the-rock on my Bird BINGO board when I was playing the other night.

The Andean cock-of-the-rock is the national bird of Peru and found high up in the cloud forests of the Andean mountains in Peru. It would be HARD to miss with the striking colors. Perfect all around, 10 out of 10 looks and name.

4. Tasselled Wobbegong

wobbegong shark
wobbegong shark

The Tasselled Wobbegong is a carpet shark species native to Australia and New Guinea. They grow up to nearly 6ft in length.

Pronounced ‘wobby-gong’ the Tasselled Wobbegong sounds like a name that an American would come up with while trying to make a joke about Australian accents. The name doesn’t even sound real, but I assure you they are.

5. Pigbutt Worm

The Pigbutt Worm, Chaetopterus pugaporcinus, is also known as the ‘flying buttocks.’ That folks is what I like to call a two-fer because it has two spectacular names.

This deep sea marine worm was first documented by the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI) way back in 2007 and it is a tiny one, 10-20 millimeters in length.

6. Sarcastic Fringehead

Sarcastic fringehead
Sarcastic fringehead

My favorite part about the name Sarcastic Fringehead (Neoclinus blanchardi) is that you can immediately look at this fish and think ‘yeah, that checks out.’ This fish definitely looks like a sarcastic fringehead.

7. Spiny Lumpsucker

Atlantic Spiny Lumpsucker
Atlantic Spiny Lumpsucker

What did the Spiny Lumpsucker do to someone to earn this name? They’re adorable. Dare I say perfect.

They only grow up to a max of 5-7″ long and are horrible swimmers so they are commonly found attached to something, aka ‘lumpsucker.’ Instead of scales the fish is covered in cone-shaped plates. They also come in an array of colors.

8. Great Tit

three great tit birds flying together
three great tit birds flying together

The great tit (Parus major) is found throughout Europe, the Middle East, and parts of Asia. While the name ‘great’ might imply they’re large, as it typically would in nature, these are tiny birds.

They don’t migrate, instead great tits just stick it out wherever they’re born. Living the dream. Spreading laughs worldwide with their incredible name.

9. Dickcissel

dickcissel bird singing on a tree
dickcissel bird singing on a tree

Found throughout the Midwest states here in the good ol’ U.S. of A, the Dickcissel is a perfect name for this tiny fella. These birds are also found in Central America, northern Colombia, and northern Venezuela during the winters.

Just say that name. Let it roll off your tongue. It’s perfect.

10. Screaming Hairy Armadillo

screaming hairy armadillo on the ground
screaming hairy armadillo on the ground

Someone looked at this thing, heard it make the iconic squealing sound it produces when it is threatened or handled, and nailed it with the name: Screaming Hairy Armadillo. Is it hairy? Sure is. Does it scream? You betcha.

They are found throughout the central/southern portions of South America and dine primarily on insects, invertebrates, and plants.

11. Tufted Titmouse

tufted titmouse birds
tufted titmouse birds

The thing about the Tufted Titmouse is if someone asked you what it was, and you were not already aware that it was a species of bird, there is no way you would guess that it was a bird. Everything about the name screams ‘mouse’ of some sort. Alas, it’s a bird.

They are stunners, to be sure. Members of the chickadee family, they’re tiny and beautiful. They can be found throughout the eastern portion of our country and can be spotted by the iconic black forehead.

12. Strange-tailed Tyrant

strange tailed tyrant bird
strange tailed tyrant bird

Someone saw the Alectrurus risora and did them dirty when they named it the strange-tailed tyrant. It was first documented by Louis Pierre Vieillot in 1824 so we at least know who to blame for this.

The strange-tailed tyrant shares a genus with the cock-tailed tyrant, because of course it does. And they are found throughout parts of Argentina and Paraguay where they are excellent fly catchers.

13. Satanic Leaf-Tailed Gecko

rare satanic leaf tailed gecko
rare satanic leaf tailed gecko

George Albert Boulenger must have hated geckos. That is the only explanation for why he would name such a majestic creature ‘satanic’ when he became the first person to document it back in 1888.

The satanic leaf-tailed gecko is also known as the eyelash leaf-tailed gecko or the phantastic leaf-tailed gecko, and they have some of the best camouflage around. They are native to the tropical forests of Madagascar.

14. Boops boops

boops boops fish
boops boops fish

I’ve seen this fish a thousand times over the year in the James Bond meme where the text goes something like ‘My name is Bond, James Bond. And you are?… Boops, Boops Boops.’ Or something like that.

The Boops boops is a subspecies of seabream found in the eastern Atlantic with characteristically large eyeballs. Found throughout European waters, they are often pan-fried, broiled, or baked but only when caught fresh because if they are caught and stored the taste turns foul quickly.

15. Dik-Dik

dik dik deer in the wild
dik dik deer in the wild

What a name! The dik-dik is a small species of antelope found in southern Africa that is absolutely adorable.

They are famous for making a shrill whistling sound because of course they are. It is used to alert other dik-diks and animals when there are predators around.

16. Sparklemuffin

The Sparklemuffin (Maratus jactatus) feels like it got its name from a 1st grader. They are an Australian jumping spider with stunning coloration and the ability to jump more than 50x the length of their bodies.

They are tiny, only measuring around 4-6mm in length, but a leap of 50x that distance is still concerning. Of course they’re in Australia too where every animal is wild in its own way.

17. Chicken Turtle

eastern chicken turtle
eastern chicken turtle

Someone in the Southeastern United States got real lazy when they named the Chicken Turtle. They were probably eating chicken roasted over a spit and saw a turtle, pointed at it, and said ‘chicken turtle.’

In actuality, the chicken turtle was first named by two French zoologists back in 1801, Pierre André Latreille and François Marie Daudin, who each published their findings in separate journals after having first observed it near Charleston, South Carolina. If you’ve ever been to the Southeast then chances are you have seen one of these turtles.

18. Pleasing Fungus Beetle

pleasing fungus beetle
pleasing fungus beetle

This is one of those ‘make your mind up’ names. The pleasing fungus beetle actually encompasses a whole family of beetles. I’m no entomologist but I fail to find anything pleasing about the fungus beetle.

19. Hummingbird Hawk-Moth

hummingbird hawk moth flying
hummingbird hawk moth flying

My theory with the Hummingbird Hawk-Moth is three people spotted it at the same time. One swore they saw a hummingbird, another swore it was a mini hawk, and the third was confident it was a moth. When the Hummingbird Hawk-Moth turned out to be a moth that looked like all three they just squished the name together.

They are found from Portugal to Japan and were first described by Carl Linnaeus in 1758. As caterpillars, they are rather unremarkable but as fully grown Hummingbird Hawk-Moths they are stunning.

20. Ice Cream Cone Worm

Ice Cream Cone Worms or trumpet worms measure around 2″ long. Do they look like ice cream cones? In my opinion, absolutely not. But maybe ice cream cones looked like dirty scabs back in the day. They were first documented in the early 1800s so maybe they primarily went by ‘trumpet worms’ early on until ice cream cones hit the market in 1896.

21. Hellbender

eastern Hellbender in the water
eastern Hellbender in the water

The Eastern Hellbender is an iconic species of giant salamander. I have wanted to see one in the wild my whole life but have yet to spot one.

As for having one of the funniest names among animals, the Maryland Department of Natural Resources saysThe name ‘hellbender’ probably comes from the animal’s odd look. One theory claims the hellbender was named by settlers who thought “it was a creature from hell where it’s bent on returning.” Another rendition says the undulating skin of a hellbender reminded observers of “horrible tortu”res of the infernal regions.” In reality, it’s a harmless aquatic salamander.

22. Jackass Penguin

The African Penguin is also known as the ‘Jackass Penguin’ and are endemic to the Old World. Also known as the Cape penguin or the South African penguin, the Jackass Penguin was not, in fact, named for Johnny Knoxville.

23. Hotwheels sisyphus

This name feels like an elaborate prank. Hotwheels sisyphus is a species of Chinese ground spider and the genus is Hotwheels. They were first documented in 2024 which makes the ‘Hotwheels’ designation all the stranger. Didn’t those toys fall off decades ago?

24. E.T. sponge

It is wild how some creature that has existed for untold millennia gets spotted by humans one day and they are like ‘you kind of reminded me of an overrated 80s movie and I’m going to name you after that forever.’ That is basically how the E.T. Sponge, Advhena magnifica, got its name back in 2016 when it was first observed in the Mariana Trench at a depth of 2,028 meters.

25. Mountain Chicken Frog

The Mountain Chicken Frog, Leptodactylus fallax, is critically endangered and found throughout the Caribbean islands of Montserrat and Dominica. Population numbers plummeted by 80% between 1995 and 2004.

The name, Mountain Chicken, comes from the locals hunting them down as a delicacy and the chicken-like flavor.


A Short History Of The Emoji.

I refuse to use them. I think they are childish and don’t add anything to the text, no matter how cute you think you are. I deduct man points if a guy sends me one who’s over 30.

Emojis have become a staple of electronic communication since their inception in the 1990s and people of all ages and on all continents use them. While their number keeps on growing every year due to new releases by the Unicode Consortium, the pictograms are increasingly vying for users’ attention as other forms of visual communication – think gifs, stickers and avatars – are experiencing their heyday.

With myriads of emojis released over the previous years, new batches have become somewhat smaller.

As Statista’s Katharina Buchholz reports, a recently suggested update that would grow the number of emojis to almost 4,000 next year contains 164 additional pictograms, but only nine completely new ones.

While 2022 had seen the release of 112 new emojis, that number was just 31 in 2023. The figure rose again to 118 in 2024 due to emojis that allow users to pick different skin colors or genders (which are counted individually), before falling to an all-time low of eight in 2025. The number of non-customizable emojis has meanwhile decreased with almost every release.

Infographic: In 2026, Global Emoji Count Could Grow to Nearly 4,000 | Statista

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BWBB – Also Un-Classy, Michelle Obama Won’t Attend Inauguration After Skipping Carter’s Funeral

The only past office holder or spouse not attending. After all the rhetoric about them acting better when others didn’t, she shows her true colors. Way to act like a child.

This is the same woman who charged taxpayers mega-millions for her vacations and top-shelf booze of which she indulged in both in excess.


Former first lady Michelle Obama is set to snub President-elect Donald Trump’s inauguration next Monday after skipping former President Jimmy Carter’s funeral last week — where she would have sat next to the one and future commander-in-chief.

“Former President Barack Obama is confirmed to attend the 60th Inaugural Ceremonies. Former first lady Michelle Obama will not attend the upcoming inauguration,” the Office of Barack and Michelle Obama said in a statement to the Associated Press.

The former first lady’s team did not provide a reason for skipping the inauguration, but Michelle Obama, 60, has been an impassioned critic of Trump, 78, over the past eight years.

Her husband, former President Barack Obama, sat next to Trump at the funeral and was spotted on camera laughing and bantering with his successor, drawing worldwide headlines.

All other former presidents and their spouses are expected to attend the Jan. 20 inauguration ceremony, including George W. and Laura Bush, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and Joe and Jill Biden.

Both Michelle and Barack Obama attended Trump’s first inauguration in January 2017.

The former first lady’s antipathy for Trump was on display during the 2024 campaign, in which she and her husband campaigned for Vice President Kamala Harris.

story

Way to show your colors and way to be a cnut about it.

Yo Momma Jokes and Meme’s

The last time I posted this category, someone got offended that I would make fun of my mother. I didn’t make fun of my mother and they missed the entire point. I’m making fun of my friend’s mothers, the way the jokes have always been. It’s sarcasm, not the theory of relativity.

I’m pretty sure that reader is gone now, but it’s not going to stop me from posting sarcasm and stuff that’s funny if you stop being stuffy. I’ve chased off lots of readers, but I still post stuff I think is funny and stuff I’ve said. In this case, it was probably in middle school.

The Peel Me An Orange And Ketchup Challenge, It’s Just Another Shit Test By Girls To Ruin Relationships – Oh, Happy Valentines Day Also

Since the beginning of time, girls invent childish shit tests to see what they can make you do to prove your love. Once you are not willing to do stupid stuff and are confident in yourself, you can have an actually good relationship. It happens when you kick these types of girls to the curb immediately. It will save you a lot of time, trouble and social media BS. Once you realize that they can’t hold their nookie over your head, you can then be adults about it as girls have no other leverage. As I told one ex when kicking her out, there is no golden pussy.

These are invented by assholes on Tik Tok to poison girls into thinking this is love. It is much deeper than this type of relationship control, but nevertheless…….

Here goes:

Would You Dump Someone If They Didn’t Peel An Orange

Like one of those secretly mordant fairy tales about mermaids sacrificing their fins or maidens poisoned and sleeping forever, there is apparently a new test to tell if love is true: fetch and denude me an orange.

The gist: If your partner strips the rind off the citrus and serves it to you with kindness, then their love is for real. If your partner refuses, then this love is hollow and false, and you must now make a deal with a sea witch or reenter the dating pool. This deeply unscientific experiment, known colloquially as the orange peel theory/test/trend, is usually administered by heterosexual women on their male partners. And because of its simplicity and clarity, and social media’s penchant for anything that creates a reaction, the test has gone viral on TikTok.

Some videos of men peeling or not peeling oranges for their partners have millions of views. Millions!

Does separating citrus from its skin really indicate true love? What happened to building the Taj Mahal or, you know, buying some diamonds? Should women carry a mandarin around at all times just to be sure?

“An entire intimate relationship can’t be boiled down to what a partner does or doesn’t do with an orange,” says Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist and author who teaches at Northwestern University and specializes in relationships. As Solomon explains, one does not need to throw a romantic partner away like an orange rind because they did not peel a fruit in a pleasant way.

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What TikTok’s ‘Ketchup Challenge’ Actually Says About Your Relationship

At first glance, the viral social media trend known as the “ketchup challenge” may sound like TikTok’s latest household hack, involving cleaning with the common condiment. And while cleaning is (kind of) part of it, the actual aim appears to be secretly testing a romantic partner.

Similar to the “orange peel theory,” the ketchup challenge is being used as a relationship test of sorts, in which one person (usually a woman) intentionally squirts some ketchup on the kitchen counter or a table, then asks their partner (usually a man) to clean it up. Naturally, the whole thing is captured on video and posted to TikTok or Instagram, where commenters are able to weigh in on the man’s ability—or lack thereof—to effectively clean a simple mess, rather than smearing it around, making it worse.

Clearly, this is about much more than ketchup, but out of all the relationship “challenges” floating around online, what about this one has struck a nerve? Two clinical psychologists specializing in relationships explain.

source

Oh, and by the way, Happy Valentines Day tomorrow. Don’t fall for these and if you get this from your girl, you’re better off dumping her rather than suffering a minute longer with a child who resorts to this low level of immaturity. She reads too much social media online, another red flag for you

It’s just another indication that social media ruins a lot of what it touches and the most vulnerable fall for it first.

My Observations On Road Rage And Driving, People Act Like Children

I’ve been driving between states and have noticed some trends.

Mostly, people are childish in their cars. They might be decent people, but as soon as they get behind the wheel, they revert to the playground.

It’s like they think they own the road.

Here is what I noticed.

I was merging onto a highway in a lane that had to go from two to one. I generally will let at least one car in and absolutely let a truck in to be decent. It used to be that way in the South. Yesterday, a Ford Escort sped up to try and not let me in. Little children are spiteful and try to have all the toys just to not let you have one.

I’ve written about how to merge in traffic so don’t mess with me. I also drive a truck. When I saw she was trying to be an asshole, I just kept merging and got in easily, but this is just where it started. She never had a chance as I just kept coming. The lane was ending and I didn’t have a choice. Of course I got in, but give me a break. Is it too much to ask to be nice?

I’ve learned that holding your speed and lane is generally just as fast as lane jumping. A few miles later, there were lane darters jumping across two lanes at a time on both sides just to get a few cars ahead. It’s just like children cutting in line just to be ahead of you, even if just by a place or two.

The problems with this are that it screws up traffic and caused a lot of people to hit the brakes. That is a traffic killer every time. I’ll give the Europeans this one. They know how to pass. It’s always on the left and if they are not fast, they drive in the right lanes.

The next childish behavior was people who don’t think the rules belong to them. The speed limit at the time was 70 and I get 75 MPH, but I was getting passed by people going at least 90. I have a brother in law that does this and I think that he’s a dick for being this impatient.

It’s proven that your probability of a crash or death goes up exponentially with speed above the limit.

I settled back to let them get away from me, half expecting them to be ticketed ahead or in a crash. I made good time and got to where I was going safely. I was glad to be done with it.

I could go on, but I’m sure everyone sees what I do and are either like me or like a child.

Generation Z’s Claim To Fame As Arbiters of Emoji’s

Where do I start on this one.

I tried giving them credit for being an upgrade from millennials. I guess I was wrong.

From the Daily Mail:

Why NOBODY should be using the ‘thumbs up’ emoji in 2022 – and the 10 symbols only ‘old people’ use that have Gen Z rolling their eyes

  • Gen Z sees the thumbs up emoji as rude or passive aggressive, they say
  • The emoji is commonly used in casual and professional conversation
  • People aged 35 and over are more likely to use the symbol but it is alienating
  • Other emojis only used by ‘old people’ include ‘crying laughing’ and the heart

By Belinda Cleary For Daily Mail Australia

Sending a thumbs-up can be seen as passive aggressive and even confrontational, according to Gen Z who claim they feel attacked whenever it is used.

Whether the chat is informal, between friends or at work the icon appears to have a very different, ‘rude’ meaning for the younger generation.

A 24-year-old on Reddit summed up the Gen Z argument, saying it is best ‘never used in any situation’ as it is ‘hurtful’.

‘No one my age in the office does it, but the Gen X people always do it. Took me a bit to adjust and get [it] out of my head that it means they’re mad at me,’ he added.

They make you look old. I disagree. I think emoji’s are childish to begin with. I never use them on purpose just for that reason. I never saw them as anything but wasted time or unnecessary info on the text. An answer in emoji’s only is even more childish.

I have friends my senior age that do it, but I refuse. They sort of get it and have stopped it. They weren’t any good at it anyway. They were the thumbs up people

I recognize rest of them though. They mostly come from girls who are too old for this nonsense.

I could put an emoji on the end of this for sarcasm and irony, but I won’t.

Emoji’s are the small talk in texting that I hate in real life. It’s not necessary, ever.

Me, Being Childish In The Store

I absolutely would do this. I’m just pissed I haven’t thought of it before.

hat tip wirecutter

The cashier could be male or female (still the only genders science can prove) and they will judge you by the size you pick. Think about that.

Pencil Trick For Girls, Towel (Doughnut) Hanger For Guys

Hanging a towel on your junk is a joke that Jeff Foxworthy made about the side effects of Viagra. I learned about the pencil trick from off color office banter at some point in my working career.

They aren’t fooling me about what they are hanging doughnuts on. It’s below the belt humor.

People do this when they get bored. It is sophomoric, but funny to me as I have a 12 year old’s sense of humor.

Lift up your top, put a pen or pencil under your breast ...