15 Things That #Introverts Would Never Tell You, But You Should Know

me opening up to someoneI read this article and could hardly believe it.  It was me.  I’ll editorialize between the lines based on past and current experiences, but people should realize that people are different and here is one group that is virtually unnoticed but should be understood.

The link is now broken, but here is the annotated article:

  • Introverts catch a lot of shit for being introverted. The whole world seems

    so enamored by extroverts – the people we know who just want

    to be around people all the time. While we  introverts might

    not want that, it doesn’t mean we’re depressed or

    suicidal or anything wacky like that. There are

    some things you should know about us.

    1. Small talk sucks.

    We’re just not very good at it. We’re typically the big-thinking types.

    We like big ideas and theories. Small talk is uncomfortable.

    We don’t care about the weather or how

    your cat has been doing.

    It is very annoying because it mostly is useless to us. 

    If you need to share so badly,

    check with an extrovert who can’t wait to share back. 

    You just won’t get good

    feedback from us.

    2. Being alone is fine.

    Seriously, we’re doing okay, even if we hole up in our houses for a while.

    We don’t need other people for stimulation. We find that ourselves.

    We’d almost always rather be alone.  We don’t want to be hermits,

    but we are good at keeping ourselves busy and this is

    our comfort zone for life. 

    We don’t have to be with a crowd to do something,

    although we might come

    along once in a while.

    3. We aren’t rude or uptight.

    We might seem like that at first, but get to know us. We’re still a fun bunch

    of friends, we just don’t always acclimate to unfamiliar settings and people

    so quickly.

    Mostly because you are loud and want to be the center of attention,

    something we can’t relate to.  When we find out who you really are

    behind the facade, it’s easy to get to know us, unless you are phony.

    4. Sometimes, we swing both ways.

    We might be introverts, but sometimes we are just so the life of the

    party. We do this willingly when we’re up to it, but we can’t always

    keep that kind of energy going. If we throw a party, great! But give

    us some time to recover.

    Recover is the key word.  We can be with or in a crowd, but afterwords,

    we need time alone.

    5. We have friends. And they like us! Probably.

    People hear the word ‘introvert’ and think of the goth kid sitting alone

    at the food court. That’s a whole different thing entirely. We love having

    friends, and our friends love having us! We put in a conscious effort for

    people we think are worth it.

    We see through those who are not worth it and move on as those who

    have a constant self centered need for attention aren’t real people,

    and likely are far more insecure than we are.

    6. When with the right people, we feel safe.

    Having the right people in our lives is amazing. we really give our

    best selves to the best people. We shine in the right company.

    But sometimes it takes a while to find those people.

    7. We like to write things out.

    Writing is easier than talking for us sometimes. Email is the best

    because it helps us get the thoughts out of our heads without

    being interrupted. Thinking about giving us a call? Try a text or email instead.

    8. We’re super productive.

    Sometimes at least. Usually in our alone time, we’re able to really

    rock and roll on projects that we need to finish. The solitude helps us,

    as we tend to be a bit more distractible than most.

    Especially when you constantly talk about nothing just to talk.  At work,

    the people who have to comment on everything are the worst as

    it usually isn’t productive.  See small talk.

    9. If we don’t like you, you won’t know it.

    It’s the truth of the matter. We hate conflict. So even if we don’t like you,

    we’ll still be nice. It’s a lot easier than being real with you. Especially if

    your feelings are inconsequential enough that confronting you on your

    bullshit isn’t even worth the time. Sorry. Well, not sorry.

    And we move along without you as you just aren’t worth it.

    10. Networking events suck.

    Seriously. Is there a mailing list we need to opt out of? There are few

    things more uncomfortable than a networking party. Except maybe a

    dentist’s networking party that we’ve just been accidentally invited to.

    Yes, so why do extroverts keep trying to drag us into this nightmare?

    11. We don’t like crowds.

    Though I find that after a few beers, I can tolerate it. Introverts tend to

    get overstimulated easily, so big crowds are tough to deal with.

    It’s just not worth it.  Those who have MOP (miss out phobia)

    have to be with the crowd, not us.  See number 2.

    12. Sorry, we probably weren’t listening to your story.

    We care deeply about our friends, but people outside of that

    circle will have a tough time maintaining our attention. It’s not

    that we have ADD or anything like that, we just don’t really

    care about you. On the plus side, we won’t judge you, so feel

    free to tell us all the fucked up things you said to your ex.

    People will tell me anything and everything because

    I won’t repeat it.  But usually won’t remember it either.

    13. Don’t make a fuss out of our birthdays.

    For the longest time, I had a great deal of difficulty

    understanding why I hated my birthday so much.

    Everyone I ever knew would come out and party

    with me! But then I realized: that’s the problem!

    We don’t need to make a fuss out of our birthdays,

    so please don’t do it to us.

    Or any holiday for that matter.  It’s just another day.

    14. We don’t want to make a fuss out of your birthday.

    We can quietly honor the annual birthday, right?

    It’s your day.  You have everyone else making a big deal about it. 

    Let them.

    15. If we’ve chosen to be friends with you, appreciate it.

    We value our alone time. If we see you often, it means that we

    really love you. Just don’t get too bummed out when we

    don’t hang for a week at a time sometimes.

    We’ll likely be the most reliable friend you have, the one

    you can call on when your loud friends let you down.

    But visitors are like fish, they smell after 3 days.

    Hat tip to Higher Perspective.

    What they might not tell you but you need to know is that they are good for your business.

    Here are 15 other things that people misunderstand about introverts and pre-judge them because of it…

     

  • Bonus: How to date and introvert, by an introvert.

Grocery shopping observations and comedy

I’ll state up front that Dave Barry should have written this, because I just can’t do it proper justice, but here goes.

I love going to the grocery store, not just because I get to buy stuff to eat, but it’s a people show extraordinaire. I pretty much hate shopping, it’s go get what I need and get out like most real guys. But the grocery store is different.

I first noticed that I liked going back when I lived in South Florida, where I spent most of my single years. People would get dolled up to go to the mall, out to dinner, the movies, anywhere. But ask them to go to the store and they’ll put anything on, anytime of day. I’ve seen some cuties that looked like death warmed over picking up something to eat. There was of course, some making the walk of shame picking up eats or coffee on the way home early in the morning.

Since it was South Florida, there were a few phenomenons. If you went to the store by the beach, people would shop in their bathing suits. Being a normal single male (walking hormone) at that time of my life, this made for quite a bit of entertainment. I’ll make only passing comments here about liking the frozen aisle.

The other phenomena there is that there were a lot of old retired cranky people, mostly moved down from New York which made for endless shopping entertainment. Where I lived in Delray Beach, they used to bus them in from the retirement villages, either Kings Point or Century Village, affectionally known as cemetery village. They’d hit the Publix en mass and raise the level of complaining to new highs. I varied between going to see this almost like going to a sporting event, and avoiding it because it could really grind on you. These folks could spend 30 minutes complaining to the manager about a 5 cent increase in the price of anything. If there was an advertised special, they moved faster to get there than the rest of the year, except maybe to the bathroom after prune breaks. Hitting each other with their shopping carts was hilarious until it happened to me. I politely informed the person that if they did it again, they’d wind up in the meat section.

You can tell pretty much the state of life they are in by what’s in their cart. The college kids usually had health food like cheez-its for breakfast, a frozen pizza and a case or two of beer, real cheap beer like old Milwaukee, Busch, Pabst or Schlitz when it was available. Young couples would have 40 cans of baby food and diapers. Middle age had progressively healthier food, the elderly’s had prune juice and polident.

The time of day that you shopped will vary the crowd also. The moms running households dominate the morning, Working moms and dads are on Saturday mornings. The folks picking up something for dinner after work are regulars from 5-7 PM. Anywhere from 10 PM on, especially are the partiers. Anyone after 10 in the twinkie aisle had the munchies.

Who don’t you want to see at the grocery store? Anyone you know usually, especially someone from work. Unless you’re already lunch buddies, the level of uncomfortableness increases dramatically with how far away they are from your cube. What’s really embarrassing is someone you know and forgot their name. People duck down the quickest escape route to avoid conversation like there was a nerve gas explosion for this one. I find it especially rewarding to see someone I know who looks like death warmed over at the store, but they spend extra time to be dolled up at work. I’ll always make it a point to say hello, even when I wouldn’t want to talk. One person whose name I’ll not mention does have her hair always perfect, I can’t figure this out. My son’s kindergarten teacher told us at orientation that seeing someone at the store was her least favorite place to see a parent as she would have to run down the kid’s behavior.

Back to South Florida, seeing someone you work with in a bathing suit at the store was like a touchdown and an extra point for me. Invariably, they acted like they were naked in public for which I got endless pleasure.

It’s a lot different now that I live in North Carolina and am married and running a household. It’s a contest to see if you can hit double or triple coupon day to see how much you can save. The old people are different here also. I heard the other day, “please get in front of me, you have a baby and I’m not in that big a hurry”.

Also, as I’ve mentioned, I have a dog, and we have to pick up the output when we take her for a walk. Only plastic (not paper) works for that. Since she goes for a walk about 20 times a day, we need a big supply of bags. So its always a struggle to get as many bags as possible for this while the store tries to cram every item you buy into as few as possible.

And about me, think I care what I look like? Think again. I’ll put on jeans and a hat and it’s off to funland, hunting for co-workers. Too bad we live inland now.

The faces of humanity

Update: I posted this in 2005.  My daughters then bf got bent out of shape because I spoke the truth.  He was going to write a rebuttal, but didn’t.  This was before the Kardashian sex tape or their awful show that I never have watched.  It turns out that this was right all along and he’s done a 180 now that he is in the working world.  My sister has lost everything now, but due to financial mismanagement and the inability of her husband to keep a job, not due to natural disasters That is a different story.

I was going to call it the 2 faces of humanity, just thinking of what the folks in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama are going through bringing out the good and bad in some, but it occurred to me that there are many flavors of this subject. But for this post, I’ll concentrate on the simple good and bad.

What is happening in those states is devastating. I can only mildly relate as we’ve had some bad hurricanes here (Fran comes to mind in NC where some are still recovering) and a recent ice storm where we were out of power for a week, but it is bad there. My sister lives near Lake Pontchartrain and has likely lost her house. Her family got out in time and are living with my parents right now, lucky them. It’s not the same for those who have lost lives, jobs, family and other things like heirlooms and photo’s which are forever gone.

These catastrophe’s bring out the good in some folks. Already there are local fisherman driving around in bass boats rescuing people from their houses. There are organizations which are gathering supplies, people lining up to donate time and money to help. I read this morning where you can donate like the Red Cross , Samaritans Purse, and other good groups who are sincere in helping out. FEMA is organizing for the biggest relief effort ever. For those that get my feed via RSS, I’ll be visiting del.ico.us today to add them to my list.

Then there is the other side. I’ve seen reports of looters, the construction scammers, insurance fraud and many others. This is also unfortunately something that raises it’s ugly head during these times. I hope that this is kept in check.

Then the way we can act hit me. Through the power of DVR (i was scanning and deleting shows), I happened to watch back to back the hurricane coverage then the reality show, “filthy rich cattle drive” where the spoiled brat kids of celebrity’s are “roughing” it on a cattle drive. This is like going to a zoo to watch animals. These kids are the most narcissistic people I’ve ever seen, worried about how they look, trying to get make up, dry cleaning and Fed Ex in the middle of nowhere and me, me, me. This was supposed to be about helping a charity.  One of them of course was Kim Kardashian.

It’s just to ironic that these two faces of humanity are happening at the same time.

Natural disasters have been happening since the creation of the earth. There was the tsunami last year for example. Fortunately, people have stepped up and helped others through the course of history and I hope and pray it happens here.

A lesson that strikes me (besides the obvious of striving to be good) is to be prepared and to be able to take care of yourself in the many situations life will present to you. Acts of God like this (even for skeptics, this is the clause in your homeowners insurance) will continue, so dealing with it is inevitable. Being ready in anything is half the battle sometimes. Appreciate your family, friends and experiences in life. It’s times like this that remind you how important and fleeting they can be.

So it’s off to my now seemingly trivial day when compared to those now trying to put their lives back together.

Update on Sis: just heard from her and the house made it, but she won’t be able to go back for months. Thanks to those folks who sent regards.