Category: humor

What’s The Prize When You Win An Italian Bike Race In On The Bologna Hilltop?

What else. How are you ever going to eat all of that?

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Well blow me down mateys, it be that time of year again!  This proud tradition started 27 years ago.  Don’t be a scurvy dog and forget to talk like a pirate, all day long!  In thewords of “Steve the Pirate” from the movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”  –  “gar”.

When Men Get Bored, You Get Stuff Like This

Give them some time alone to get bored, and they come up with this. I was checking out of the Garden shop at Lowes, and found this gem. I think they put the cardboard box on it to shelter it from sun/rain, but someone had too much time on their hands.

Unwritten Rules For Men

If you read how it’s harder to be a man than you thought (why trans men can’t pull it off), you know that life is harder for guys than we let on.

Hell, half the pressure is stuff we put on ourselves, but then so is half of the enjoyment of pulling it off.

(From the link above)

Men are in competition with each other. Men vie to express dominance, to establish their place in the pecking order.

If a man steps out of line, and assumes a place in the pecking order that is not agreed upon – this place being based upon established social agreements that no one can see, nor express in words – he is summarily dismissed.

If he still believes the territory, he has assumed, is rightfully his, he will endure all manner of insults and attacks, up to, and including, physical attacks

This begins for boys some time just after the toddler stage, and intensifies through the teen years, and early adulthood.

Men find this competition exhilarating, though it is also challenging, and often ends in shocking defeats. 

WE MAKE UP GAMES TO COMPETE, EVEN WITH OURSELVES.

See the meme above. One of the unwritten rules for guys is you have to (at least try) to get all the shopping bags in one trip.

Next, we can’t just throw away a wad of paper if there is a hoop to make. Back up and see how far you can be before you miss. Add difficulty by changing hands or twice in a row. Hell, I toss ice cubes that fell on the floor behind my back into the sink. Putting them there would be too easy, or conversely not enough of a challenge.

I told my son this one. You have to open the garage door as far as possible when driving up. You need to know the range in case of (imagined) attack, or whatever. Never can you wait in the driveway while the door is opening.

You have to park in the spot first time. To add difficulty, back in. The ultimate challenge is parallel parking uphill on the wrong side of the street while driving stick shift with people in your car to judge you. It has to be done the first try. (I’ve done it).

Then there are the bathroom rules.

Like this.

And of course which one to use.

And this.

Here are 30 guy rules, but I didn’t know about the fart window in the public restroom.

National Mustard Day

Well, there is one that you don’t hear about that often.

From their website:

It’s always the first Saturday in August, and that means August 5, 2023, is fast approaching. Things are coming together and we have updated information for this year’s event on our National Mustard Day page. We just confirmed our headliner for the French’s Music Stage will be Frank Martin Busch and the Names. Frank grew up in Cuba City, Wisconsin, and brings his Americana music to the main stage. It’s a mix of solid rhythms, jangly guitars, honky tonk piano and harmonicas with a little steel guitars. As Frank calls it, “it’s country music without bedazzled jeans with roots from red dirt country rather than Nashville.”

It’s not complete without that famous treat sure to take the world by storm, Mustard Skittles.

Mustard Skittles are suddenly a thing — and the internet wants to know why

By

Brooke Kato

Updated

So If I Return To Using Twitter, Does That Make Me An X-Man

Even being a super hero wouldn’t get me to go back. I’d rather have the time and stay out of the hate cesspool.

High IQ Humor – Physics Style

Of course…

 Mass =  ρ × v

Where,

ρ = density and

v = the volume

The weight mass formula is given as

m = w / g

Where,

w= weight

m = mass

g = gravity

The mass formula is also given as

m = F / a

If acceleration itself is the gravity, then

M = F / g

Where,

F = force

G = gravity

According to Einstein’s mass-energy relation 

m = (E / c2)

Where,

m = mass

E = energy

c = speed of light (3×108 m/s)

The kinetic energy mass formula is given as

K.E = ½ mv2

Where,

m = mass,

v = velocity.

Example 1

Calculate the mass if the weight of a body is 80 N.

Solution:

Given,

weight of the body = 80 N

The mass of the body is expressed by

m = w / g

m = 80 / 9.8

m = 8.163 kg

Example 2

Determine the mass of a body if the K.E is 70 J and velocity is 8m/s.

Solution:

Given:

K.E = 70 J

v = 8 m/s

the mass is expressed by

m = 2 K.E / v2

m = (2 × 70)/ 82

m = 14o/64

m= 2.18 kg

Definition Of Shitposting, Humor That Shows Up On LinkedIn

After you read it, you’ll understand. I think it’s funny as a lot of posts on LinkedIn like this are cringe worthy. People post a lot of stuff to get hired and you know it’s not who they really are.

I think this kind of sarcasm is funny.

Headline Of The Day: Toilet Paper Shrinks Your Balls

Naturally I had to click on it. Here you go.

A surprising source of PFAS exposure and pollution is toilet paper, as a recent study reveals.

Toilet paper has been shown to contain significant doses of PFAS chemicals linked to impaired testicular function in men. 👇

A study from March of this year revealed that significant quantities of PFAS are found in virtually every brand of toilet paper on the market. The average American will use 26kg of toilet paper a year. 19+ billion lb of toilet paper are flushed down American toilets each year.

PFAS (per- and poly-fluoroalkyl substances) are vicious hormone-disrupting chemicals that are ubiquitous today because of their use in plastics, fire retardants, non-stick coatings, ammunition and contact lenses, among other things. PFAS are also obesogenic and linked to a…

wide variety of other conditions like cancers and auto-immune disorders.

If you want to read more about PFAS, try my latest article for American Greatness.

Corporate Culture and the Lords of Lies › American Greatness If I were to invoke the specter of an “evil corporation,” which would you think of first? Perhaps it would be the corporation whose motto, ironically, is an exhortation not to be evil. https://amgreatness.com/2023/06/26/corporate-culture-and-the-lords-of-lies/

In the recent study, the researchers looked at toilet paper and sewage from around the world and tested for the presence of 34 different types of PFAS.

PFAS chemicals are regularly used in paper-manufacturing.

Recycled paper will often get a double dose (i.e. once when the paper was first made, then again when it’s recycled).

The PFAS most present in toilet paper and sewage was 6:2 diPAP, which has been linked to impaired testicular function in men (👇).

6:2 diPAP was 91% of all PFAS detected in the toilet paper samples, and 54% in the sewage samples. Toilet paper usage contributes PFAS to the water supply in the parts per billion. The EPA measures dangerous levels of PFAS in parts per TRILLION…

What’s even worse about 6:2 diPAP is that it is a precursor chemical. It can become far worse chemicals by interacting with human waste, including PFOA, among the most dangerous forms of PFAS. It’s likely that toilet paper may be putting large quantities of PFOA into wastewater.

It’s also probable that the anus is therefore also a significant source of PFAS absorption into the body.

Maybe what we need now is a brand of organic PFAS-free right-wing toilet paper…

Oh yes, and here’s the study:

https://pubs.acs.org/doi/full/10.1021/acs.estlett.3c00094#notes-1

story

Yeah, I’m Out On This One Also

When I was younger, I was out with some friends. We were eating oysters and drinking pitchers of beer (no Bud Light back then, I’m that old). I slurped down an oyster and my buddy’s girlfriend comes out with this beauty. Now you know what it is like to swallow.

Oysters were never the same for me again.

I Knew Vagina’s Were Dangerous, Here’s Proof

Look, If a girl can pull this out of her coochie, I’ve got nothing that’s going to compete. If you look at the last sentence then yes, they are crazy.

So instead of guys have little dicks, how about you have a big vagjayjay?

In the annals of bizarre crime stories, even Cormac McCarthy couldn’t come up with one this bizarre. Some sort of sexy version (?) of “guess where I put my gun, honey” turned ugly when 48-year-old Jennifer McCarthy of New Mexico (no, not that Jenny McCarthy) pulled a firearm out of her vagina (where else?) and pointed it at her boyfriend’s head after a dispute over aliens (what else?) got a little too heated.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, McCarthy, reportedly stormed out during a fight over extraterrestrial life with her unnamed boyfriend and then returned with a plan for vengeance. The police report describes how she went to her bedroom, dressed up in lingerie, put the gun in a place no guns should go, then somehow performed an unspecified sex act with the gun insider her. Naturally, that was just a prelude to pulling the gun out, pointing it at her boyfriend, and asking the presumably rhetorical question “Who is crazy, you or me?” 

Full story here.

Dear Vegans, Eating Meat Makes You Smarter

Like any Vegan is going to believe this or that I care, but maybe they’ll be a lot less annoying about telling you that they don’t eat meat.

You lose IQ points being a vegan. I already knew this before I read about the study when my ex told me she was vegan. That was enough for me to know the lower IQ part.

Here are some excerpt and the rest of the story if you care to read:

On the one hand, recent concern about the nutritional gaps in plant-based diets has led to a number of alarming headlines, including a warning that they can stunt brain development and cause irreversible damage to a person’s nervous system. Back in 2016, the German Society for Nutrition went so far as to categorically state that – for children, pregnant or nursing women, and adolescents – vegan diets are not recommended, which has been backed up by a 2018 review of the research. After the Royal Academy of Medicine in Belgium decided a vegan diet was “unsuitable” for children, parents who force a vegan diet on their offspring in Belgium could even one day find themselves in prison.

Ideally, to test the impact of the vegan diet on the brain, you would take a randomly selected group of people, ask half to stop eating animal products – then see what happens. But there isn’t a single study like this.

There are several important brain nutrients that simply do not exist in plants or fungi

Instead, the only research that comes close involved the reverse. It was conducted on 555 Kenyan schoolchildren, who were fed one of three different types of soup – one with meat, one with milk, and one with oil – or no soup at all, as a snack over seven school terms. They were tested before and after, to see how their intelligence compared. Because of their economic circumstances, the majority of the children were de facto vegetarians at the start of the study.

Surprisingly, the children who were given the soup containing meat each day seemed to have a significant edge. By the end of the study, they outperformed all the other children on a test for non-verbal reasoning. Along with the children who received soup with added oil, they also did the best on a test of arithmetic ability. Of course, more research is needed to verify if this effect is real, and if it would also apply to adults in developed countries, too. But it does raise intriguing questions about whether veganism could be holding some people back.

Here is the rest. Eat more meat and be smarter

Why I Always Pick Carbonated Water – It Has C02 In it And Pisses Off The Greenies

I’ve known this for a long time. I actually like the taste of mineral water, but realized a while back that it has C02 in it when I bought a Soda Stream. It uses C02 tanks. It’s good for the plants so good for the environment.

Now it comes out that that the climatards just figured this out. Bear in mind that Perrier and San Pelagrino have been around well before these weenies were born and there wasn’t a climate problem.

It’s the little victories that count. I find it funny every time I can do something they get upset about, especially when they are wrong. They are in it to ruin our lives and pimp us for more money.

I’ll be toasting to Al Gore when I have a glass tonight.

From Vlad Tepes.

Now Mineral Water Has Also Become a “Climate Killer”

In the joint large-scale undertaking of an informal ideological Stasi made up of scientists, NGOs and state-related institutions to scour the entire everyday life of Germans for climate-damaging consumption habits and behavior in order to feed the results of the political decision-making process for the gradual implementation of a totalitarian climate dictatorship, no area of life and no detail is spared: The “non-profit” association “a tip:tap” recently commissioned a remarkable study on the climate damage caused by sparkling water. Somebody must have noticed that sparkling water equals carbon dioxide equals CO2 — which is essential for life (on Earth), but deemed a “climate killer” and thus as a trace gas, an alleged “environmental toxin”, for whose symbolic “reduction” Germany is wildly prepared to sacrifice its civilizational prosperity.

The result of the study followed as expected: it now also declares drinking mineral water to be a climate sin. Because: Its consumption in Germany consumes around 1.5 times as much CO2 as the entire domestic German air traffic, calculate the green flunky scientists. Even during its production, mineral water requires many more process steps than tap water because it has to be cleaned after treatment and bottled under higher standards. In addition, the production of the bottles, the transport to the supermarket and the way home from there drive emissions even further up. Overall, according to the study, mineral water produces 202.74 g of CO2 equivalents per liter — tap water, on the other hand, only 0.35 g. This means that still water performs around 586 times better than bottled mineral water.

Inquisition and abjuration mechanisms

Extrapolated to the annual consumption in Germany, which is currently 181.4 liters per capita, and a population of over 83 million, this would add up to three million tons of CO2. Of course: an intolerable situation! The green regulators and prohibition high priests are in demand! Therefore — and in order to promote a climate-friendly way of life — the association logically calls for a switch to consumption limited solely to tap water. Support for this next plan for paternalism and restricting freedom comes from the radical left-wing ZDF [public broadcaster] dirt-slinger Jan Böhmermann: He had already taken up the issue in a typical agitprop manner and also used the opportunity to launch one of his slanderous sweeping attacks — this time against the water provider and well builder “Viva con Agua”.

Among other things, Böhmermann complained that the company not only dared to produce mineral water, but also had no workers’ council and paid its employees too poorly. According to today’s inquisition and abjuration mechanisms, ”Viva con Agua” immediately rolled over and publicly announced that they would fully support drinking more tap water in Germany in the future. The company management also bowed and submissively justified itself that the employees in the filling plant had not previously asked for the formation of a workers’ council and were paid according to the applicable industry standards. This climate of high-handed public accusations and flaunted remorse, along with a bad conscience, does not bode well: It is not impossible that the Greens will start a campaign for a mineral water ban and order the future consumption of only tap water — or better yet, collected rainwater. [And I’m pretty sure that people will have to pay for that water according to the yearly rainfall, and I’m pretty sure that Coca-Cola will be exempt from this madness, too.]

There is more at the link above, but I think you get the drift