Category: humor

Gilligan’s Island, The Epitaph

It was a good TV show when I was a kid. My Mom dreaded that I watched such nonsense and that it would certainly ruin me. I didn’t get any smarter by watching the show. It provided me with clean entertainment as compared to the woke TV the kids get now.

There were some things that didn’t make sense.

The professor could charge batteries for their radio by stirring coconuts, but couldn’t fix the Minnow?

Finally, my answer. It was Ginger, My how things have changed…

She’s the only one of the cast left

Two New Dating Services For Very Distinct And Rare Groups – Unjected And……….

This one is the joke, the next isn’t. She married her brother and hates the USA.

Now for the real one.

Given the deaths of young men and the fertility killing Covid kill shot, some people not only won’t get jabbed, but don’t want to date those who were lemmings. I admit it’s a tangential IQ test. If you got one, you failed science and critical thinking classes. I understand why you should question those who did.

It’s called Unjected. At least you know your partner won’t be infertile because of a gene therapy shot and has a chance at reproduction. They won’t die early because of Myocarditis or unnatural cancer either.

Not that I’ve been in the dating pool for a while, but I’d consider this one.

Here’s a screenshot.

What I find the most ironic is that Covid used to be a pandemic of the “unvaccinated”. Those people were the pariah’s of the world because they wouldn’t line up like sheep for slaughter.

Now, the science is proving what some of us thought all along. Elon Musk says the evidence will be out soon, not that I expect anyone to believe it who got the clot shot. They have to worry the rest of their lives as to what is going to happen.

I Guess White People All Look Alike

The Whitehouse Press Gaffe spokesperson confused Biden with Obama (who is half white). She is confused by many things like facts and the truth, but this one is a doozy. She couldn’t have been the best candidate for the job, just the most woke and the most letters in the alphabet of weirdness.

(I’m counting on that last paragraph for a new round of censorship, enjoy while you can)

Video here.

What Happens To Guys When It Gets Cold

Double bonus here, it makes fun of vegetarians. No one is buying Beyond Meats as their stock is falling. I guess it tastes like it looks.

Even the companies don’t know if their meat is safe to eat

Lab-grown meat is often made using immortalized cell lines, which, unlike regular cells, are capable of continuously dividing and growing in a manner similar to cancer cells, according to Bloomberg. Companies developing lab-grown meats have largely remained silent about the connection between their product and cancer cells, possibly in a bid to keep consumers from getting skittish about their products.

Genetics? No, A Geneticist Says You’re A Cheating Whore

It reminds me of a college girlfriend who turned out to be one.

I dumped the slut before I found out she cheated. I found out after the breakup, but I wasn’t surprised as it was a pattern of hers. It was one of the better days of our relationship.

This next guy is my hero.

I wouldn’t know as I don’t follow her or any other ex’s, but it seems appropriate.

Dick Jokes, If Told By A Girl

I bet she’d want to write her name in the snow and on the wall too.

As for me, I can’t get them to fit as the hole is too small, but I imagine I could fit a dozen or so (only if I smashed them flat together)

This is how it is being a man. It’s much more than donuts. We hang towels also.

And this is how we do it, and stuff all guys know.

but first, you have to know the guy rules we knew when we were born

My Childish Humor Strikes Again

Oh yes, I could say it with a straight face, depending on the other person. I just texted my friend George that there were a lot of balls to juggle, instead balls in the air.

I still call them wiener’s if there is a chance the other person will feel uncomfortable.

Hat tip to wirecutter on this one. It was too good to not share.

Things My Loser Bosses Would Say

I’ve had some doosies like Ray Gorman, Amy Loomis, Robert Adamson, Sandy Carter and others over a lifetime. Once I understood them, I also understood my job and it’s significance to them. I looked at my job a lot differently when I knew they were going to screw everyone to get to the top.

Amy works at IDC now, I pity the other analysts. Ray at Lenovo. The Chinese are tougher than Americans so happy working. The others were millionaires and just went away.

Fortunately, I played the game at a different level than them and moved along in life at a better and faster pace and in a different direction. I was able to go and do what I wanted until I couldn’t take them anymore. Life was sweet when I called the final shot and left on my terms as they still are in the salt mines. (Ray and Amy couldn’t take that I made more)

I had different goals, so I was always in a direction they couldn’t understand. It’s how I kept my life and they lost theirs. I could have been a lot more productive without some bosses continually giving me shit tasks to do on top of my real job.

Making Childish Jokes About Lawyer’s Names

You have to know Phil McCraken is a butt crack joke. Hiscock should have just changed his name

For all the names, here is your song that says them all. Seymour Butts, Jack N. Off, Stu Pedaso…their all in here

I’m looking for a big dick smoker.

The Webb Space Telescope Finds Romulan Neutral Zone

I’m sure it’s one of the wide diversity of galaxies at the beginning of the universe. If you see one of these buried in the pictures below, run. Look for a cloaking device also.

Actually, it the telescope took excellent photos from a long time ago.

New data from the Webb Space Telescope and presented this week at an astronomy conference has found that galaxies in the early universe exhibit much of the same range of shapes and morphologies seen in the recent universe, a result that was not expected.

The image to the right comes from the press release. You can read the research paper here [pdf].

The study examined 850 galaxies at redshifts of z three through nine, or as they were roughly 11-13 billion years ago. Associate Professor Jeyhan Kartaltepe from Rochester Institute of Technology’s School of Physics and Astronomy said that JWST’s ability to see faint high redshift galaxies in sharper detail than Hubble allowed the team of researchers to resolve more features and see a wide mix of galaxies, including many with mature features such as disks and spheroidal components.

“There have been previous studies emphasizing that we see a lot of galaxies with disks at high redshift, which is true, but in this study we also see a lot of galaxies with other structures, such as spheroids and irregular shapes, as we do at lower redshifts,” said Kartaltepe, lead author on the paper and CEERS co-investigator. “This means that even at these high redshifts, galaxies were already fairly evolved and had a wide range of structures.”

The results of the study, which have been posted to ArXiv and accepted for publication in The Astrophysical Journal, demonstrate JWST’s advances in depth, resolution, and wavelength coverage compared to Hubble. Out of the 850 galaxies used in the study that were previously identified by Hubble, 488 were reclassified with different morphologies after being shown in more detail with JWST. Kartaltepe said scientists are just beginning to reap the benefits of JWST’s impressive capabilities and are excited by what forthcoming data will reveal.

“This tells us that we don’t yet know when the earliest galaxy structures formed,” said Kartaltepe. “We’re not yet seeing the very first galaxies with disks. We’ll have to examine a lot more galaxies at even higher redshifts to really quantify at what point in time features like disks were able to form.”

In other words, it appears galaxies of all shapes, as we see them today, already existed 11-13 billion years ago, shortly after the universe was born. This defies most theories about the formation of the universe, which predict that these early galaxies would be different than today’s.

The data however at this point is sparse. Webb has only begun this work, and as Kartaltepe notes, they need to look a lot more galaxies.

Courtesy of Behind the Black

Somewhere There Is A Teenager Naming His Johnson After This

The jokes about eating write themselves now.

A lot of men have a name for their dicks. I’ve heard endless versions. Some are more creative than others.

Everyone copied theirs from someone else except my friend Mitchell. His was the Mighty Throbber.

I Like This Dick Measuring Contest

Because that is what it is. It’s like the longest drive, fastest car, number of wins your team got, name it.

There are some that are hard to top. They are conversation stoppers, also one of my favorites.

I won’t compare it to my schools because I put as much distance as I can from both my high school and college, both school and people. Those people would lose every time to the non-woke army.

If it weren’t for the Nazi thing, this would be the ultimate dick measuring contest for a school. Based on my work experience, I’ve noted how overrated the Ivy League schools are, and you can include others like UNC-CH, Duke and most California schools. They turn out losers now that are more concerned about gender and race than history and education.

Still, if it came down to it and someone started giving me the Harvard or Notre Dame speech. I’d like to say I’m from the Panzer School and we’d blow your doors off, literally. That’s a show stopper.

It’s like someone bragging they play golf and you answer, Hi, I’m Tiger Woods.

When They Become Cannibals

I knew an Italian Dr with a bag and shoe fetish that only a Dr.’s salary could support. She said it was an addiction. I say it’s a waste of money.

It is for girls to show off to other girls. Guys don’t care about the bags, necklaces, rings or makeup.

She spent 10’s of thousands for other girls I guess. Other than being a good Dr, even her sister said her life was effed up.

Competitive Eating Update, When Joey Chestnut Sharted His Pants

Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has been one of my favorite sports for years, since Kobayashi was king. My wife thinks it is one of the grossest competitions ever held, adding to my enjoyment.

I heard an interview with Joey Chestnut about taking a dump the next day after downing 70 hot dogs. I’ve wondered about that also.

What I didn’t know was that he’s done it while competing. Gross I know, but it didn’t stand in the way of him winning.

At least he’s honest about it.

How To Reply To An Ex

Or you could be like everyone else and just not talk to them because your life is better that way. I know mine is and there isn’t a one of them worth talking to, especially the one who turned into a traveling whore as a flight attendant for Delta.

When A Bass Boat Becomes A Student Loan

I’ve had 2 of them. I fished with guys who had a bigger loan on their boat than their mortgage. I paid for mine on a credit card I recall to get frequent flyer points.

Everything you hear about owning a boat is pretty much true. Best/Worst day, hole in the water where you dump your money and so forth.

It was fun, but I didn’t see how those guys could afford it, but here you go.

Translation, We Shot Him In the Dick

Polk County Sheriff’s deputies shot an arsonist his his manhood.

“We’ve changed the looks of his groin forever — if you know what I mean,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said at a press conference.

Luke Neely is facing a number of charges after he threw molotov cocktails at a house and then led police on a high speed chase. The chase ended near Dinosaur World when police opened fire.

Neely was found with a loaded AR-15 and a fully loaded handgun.

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He’s been charged with 3 counts of attempted first-degree murder, arson, 7 counts of firebombing and one count of resisting arrest. More charges from Hillsborough County are pending.

Neely is expected to survive his injuries, but is not expected to be able to procreate.

Introvert Time Again, My Life Up In Pictures

Seriously, just because I’m there doesn’t mean I want to do stuff like small talk. Sometimes I don’t talk just to see if they notice.

Text before knocking

Every day I get older, the more this is true.

I treat people the way they should be treated, accordingly. It’s how I can be nice to one person and an asshole to the next. It’s on you.

I don’t kid about this one. I kill people off in my autobiography a lot.

Nose Hair Extensions, They’ve Taken It Too Far This Time

Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.

And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BadLJYHn1QC/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.

Middle Age Summed Up, And Yes It’s True

1 and 2 yes.

3 no because I exercise a lot

4 includes medicine

5 been happening for decades

6 worn glasses forever it seems

7 and 8 are expected, but I’ve been in software a long time so no biggie other than what to do while it’s happening

9 Hell, I won’t make a Dr appointment that early and I’ve been up for a while

10 I keep wondering if I’ll break my day record for this every week

11 frequently

12 The one problem on the list I don’t have

A Guy’s Walk Of Shame

It’s a guy rule. You have to get all of the bags from car to house in one trip. Other stuff is seeing how far away the garage door opener will work from your house. If you can make a throw to the trashcan easily, you have to add difficulty to it like behind the back or use the other hand.

The list goes on.