Category: general

Wildlife Photographs of the Year

There are some pretty cool photos here and a good video if you go to the link. There is the usual save the planet mumbo jumbo, but like Playboy, I looked at the pictures.

The Natural History Museum in London is previewing some of the more than 60,000 photographs entered for this year’s “Wildfire Photographer of the Year” competition.

A record-breaking 60,636 photographs entered this year’s competition. The exhibition will open Oct. 17, featuring 100 powerful images that captured Earth’s most compelling wildlife stories, the Natural History Museum said in a press release.

An international panel of wildlife experts, photographers and scientists are selecting the winning images in secret, judging each photo on creativity and technical skill. The competition will celebrate its 61st year as the world’s premier showcase for nature photography.

TV presenters and conservationists Chris Packham and Megan McCubbin will announce the Grand Title winners at an Oct. 14 ceremony, which will stream live on the museum’s YouTube channel. The exhibition will pair striking artistry with scientific data, including the museum’s Biodiversity Intactness Index, to help visitors understand and advocate for endangered ecosystems, the museum said.

Here are some photos from the exhibition:

PHOTO: 2025 Wildlife Photographer of the Year
Bidyut Kalita (India) photographs a hard-working potter wasp mid-flight with caterpillar prey for its young.Bidyut Kalita/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

A potter wasp turned Bidyut Kalita’s home in northeast India into an unexpected wildlife studio. The determined insect caught Kalita’s eye as it built a mud nest on his picture frame, prompting him to prop open his door and wait. His patience paid off when he snapped the wasp mid-flight, carrying a paralyzed caterpillar that would feed its future offspring.

PHOTO: 2025 Wildlife Photographer of the Year
Lakshitha Karunarathna (Sri Lanka) reveals a solitary Asian elephant navigating a waste disposal site in Sri Lanka.Lakshitha Karunarathna/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

For three years, Lakshitha Karunarathna tracked a heartbreaking scene in Sri Lanka – elephants scavenging for food in garbage dumps. His drone captured a lone elephant picking through mounds of trash in Ampara, where plastic waste proved deadly. Twenty elephants lost their lives at this single site after eating indigestible wrappers.

PHOTO: 2025 Wildlife Photographer of the Year
Jassen Todorov (USA) depicts the clouds reflected in salt ponds that span San Francisco Bay.Jassen Todorov/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Pilot Jassen Todorov found unexpected beauty while landing at San Francisco International Airport. His aerial shot of sunset-lit salt ponds tells environmental success story, where 6,000 hectares of industrial salt flats are being transformed back into thriving wetlands. The restoration project tears down old dikes, letting nature reclaim what industry once took.

PHOTO: 2025 Wildlife Photographer of the Year
Isaac Szabo (USA) watches longnose gars spawn in a crystal-clear Florida river.Isaac Szabo/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Deep in a crystal-clear Florida river, Isaac Szabo Wrapped his feet around a drowned tree to capture an intimate glimpse of longnose gar courtship. His underwater shot caught more than just the spawning fish – a passing turtle completed the scene, showcasing the diversity of Florida’s waterways.

PHOTO: 2025 Wildlife Photographer of the Year
Sitaram Raul (India) is among the chaos as fruit bats leave their roost in the ruins of a historical monument.Sitaram Raul/Wildlife Photographer of the Year

In the ruins of an ancient Indian monument, Sitaram Raul endured an unusual hazard to photograph fruit bats flying. Working in complete darkness, he focused his camera where he thought the bats might appear, all while dodging what he called their “random pooping.”

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A Complete List of Murphy’s Laws

Note: This was first printed in 2019 but I keep getting requests for it, so here you go.

  • If anything can go wrong it will at the most inopportune time.
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong (or the one to go wrong first).
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. (Also known as the “Peter Principle”)
  • Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
  • After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
  • The best golf shots happen when you are alone (and the worst when playing with someone you want to impress).
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of one’s actions.
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Of course you can go to the Murphy’s Law site and see all of this there.

Murphy’s laws

  • If anything can go wrong, it will
    Corollary: It can
    Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds
    Corollary: It should
    MacGillicuddy’s Corollary: At the most inopportune time
    Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson
    Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
    Extension sent by 
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
    Extreme version:
    If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
    Extreme version sent by 
  • If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
  • If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
    Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
    Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
  • Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
    Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
    Corollary sent by Dave M.
  • Mother nature is a bitch
    Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
    Addendum sent by 
  • Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
    Things get worse under pressure.
  • The Murphy Philosophy
    Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
  • Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws
    Everything goes wrong all at once.
  • Murphy’s Constant
    Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
  • Murphy’s Law of Research
    Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
  • Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
    Sent by Tony ’68
  • Addition to Murphy’s Laws
    In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right … something is wrong.
  • More Laws
  • Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
  • It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
    Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
  • Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  • Everything takes longer than you think.
  • Everything takes longer than it takes.
    Sent by Jon Carpenter
  • If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  • Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
  • Every solution breeds new problems.
  • The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
  • no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy’s law will take effect and screw it up.
    Sent by Mitch
  • You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
    Sent by Paul Breen
  • The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
  • A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
  • A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
  • If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
  • A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
  • If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
  • If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.
  • More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
    Sent by Ralph
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • If your looking for more than one thing, you’ll find the most important one last.
    Sent by Alegna
  • It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
    Sent by Peter
  • After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
    Sent by Dizzy
  • You have to look where you lost it.
    Sent by ClaytonPrc@aol.com
  • No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
  • Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
  • If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
  • If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  • Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
  • There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
  • When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
  • Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
  • Murphy’s golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
  • A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  • In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • No good deed goes unpunished.
    Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks “who wrote that?”.
    Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain.
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
    Sent by Woody.
  • Erma Bombeck
    “Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
    Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.
  • Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
    The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
    the worse you know when this will happen,
    and vice-versa.
    and Relativistic correction of Murphy’s law:
    Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
    Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
    Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
    Were sent by Simone Penzavalle.
  • If you want something bad enough, chances are you won’t get it.
  • If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
  • When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
  • Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
  • Remember the “Boomer-rang” effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
  • If you re-act to actions, you’ve acted on actions.
  • He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
    The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,
    Thank you.
  • Any time you put an item in a “safe place”, it will never be seen again.
  • Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
  • The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
  • No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
    (getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
  • The fish are always biting….yesterday!
  • You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
    Sent by Sean Murphy
  • The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
  • Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
  • The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
    EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,
    Thank you.
  • When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
    Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason
    Or in another version
    The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
    Sent by Steve
  • Cole’s Law:
    Thinly sliced cabbage.
    Sent by Michael
  • Being dead right, won’t make you any less dead.
    and
    Having the right of way, won’t make you any less dead.
    Sent by anonymous
  • Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.
  • Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don’t want to do it.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
    The four last laws were sent by Joe
  • Crespins law of observation:
    the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
    Sent by R. Crespin esq.
  • If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
    Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway.
  • A knowledge of Murphy’s Law is no help in any situation.
  • If you apply Murphy’s Law, it will no longer be applicable.
  • If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
  • no matter where I go, there I am
    Sent by John Davenport
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
    Sent by Woody
  • Murphy’s Law Current Revision
    Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
    You just haven’t been notified.
  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” but “That’s funny…”
    Said by Isaac Asimov
  • A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his “Gamble’s Law” which says that “The letter box is always on the other side of the road”
  • If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
  • If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
    Sent by Timothy Boilard
  • Waxman’s Law:
    Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
    Last two laws were sent by Del Ross
  • Skarstad’s Observation
    You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
    Sent by Gayle
  • If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
    Sent by Greg
  • all good things come to those who wait…
    but , don’t wait too long or they will pass you by…
    like 2 ships that pass in the night…
    never again to return that same exact site.
    Sent by Jujuakita
  • If anything was worth doing, it would’ve already been done.
    Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
    Sent by D-D-D-Dave
  • You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water
    Sent by John
  • Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
    Sent by anonymous
  • Long’s Law
    Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
    Sent by Chris Moore
  • McFalls’ Maxim
    No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
    Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you’re still screwed.
    Sent by Oliver McFalls
  • Hunter’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:
    Things always go from bad to worse.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Beauty:
    Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Experts:
    An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Sugarcoating:
    All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
  • Hunter’s Observation on hypocrites:
    A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Education and Oz:
    “We can give you a diploma, but we can’t give you a brain.”
    The last six laws were sent by Hunter
  • Sgt. Murphy’s Law
    Don’t get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
    Sent by Bird Waring
  • The Law of Stupid Tricks
    Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
    Sent by Zenjive
  • Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
    Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you’ll have.
    Sent by Magycke
  • Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
    Sent by Mike
  • Things are never as good as they are bad.
    Sent by Scott Miller
  • Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.
    Sent by Regards Walter citing Terry Pratchett
  • The Wingwalker’s Rule:
    Don’t let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
    Sent by D. Kinloch.
  • A bird in the hand is messy.
    Sent by Ted Machler
  • The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
    Sent by Jenny Pitt
  • When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
    Sent by Pieter
  • If Murphy’s law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic – Steven Wright
    Sent by Deke
  • If Murphy’s Law can go wrong it will.
    Sent by Mark
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come…
    Sent by Yaron Budowski
  • If at first you don’t succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
    Sent by Damien Hope
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
    If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town….
    Sent by Sharon Murphy
  • If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
    Sent by Jeronimo
  • Warneke Law
    You cannot force Murphy’s Law to happen and you can’t use it in reverse.
    Sent by Warneke
  • When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
    Sent by mark peacock
  • Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
    Think about it, complete the circle.
    Sent by Sam Diggly who’s dad told her this law after she got married.
  • It takes forever to learn the rules and once you’ve learned them they change again.
    Sent by Tracey Goldstein
  • The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
    the pessimist fears this is true.
    Sent by what’d ya say?
  • You will find an easy way to do it, after you’ve finished doing it.
    Sent by Conan Rock
  • Hofstadter’s Law:
    It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
    Sent by Ben Jones
  • In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it’s as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.
    Sent by Lois Weiner
  • The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
    Sent by G B
  • Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
  • The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
    Sent by Keith Hipkins
  • Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
    Sent by Bryan Ortiz
  • Window polishing:
    It’s always on the other side.
    Sent by Jakob Sultan
  • Hall’s Law:
    Anyone who isn’t paranoid simply isn’t paying attention.
    Sent by Colin
  • (Another) Hall’s Law
    Minor problem isn’t.
    Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall
  • A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
  • If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you’ll push it to that distance.
    The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones
  • If it looks good,
    And it taste good,
    And it feels good,
    There has got to be something wrong some where,
    So be careful.
    Sent by Shirley Cameron
  • Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
    Sent by Robert Dion
  • The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
    Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com
  • No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
  • Behind every little problem there’s a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
    The last two laws were sent by Robert K White
  • When you really need something, its either not available, or can’t be found.  When you don’t need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
    Sent by Robert Van Sile
  • Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
    Sent by Jeff S
  • Law of Conservation of Filth:
    In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
    Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
    It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
    Sent by Scott Tietjen,  AKA, “Great Scott”
  • The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
    Sent by Larry
  • Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
    Sent by G Martin
  • Gumperson’s Law:
    The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
    Sent by Ken Kaplan
  • Uffelman’s Razor:
    [Given Murphy’s law, …] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
    Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman’s Razor:
    Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.

    • Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to “fake” the Apollo moon landing.
      Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the “evidence” of the “faked” landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.
    • Example 2: The Warren Report.
      Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts.

    copyright 1995, 2002. David G. Uffelman

  • Probability law:
    Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
    Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won’t happen.
    Sent by Sylvain Galibert
  • Common Sense Is Not So Common
  • Power Is Taken… Not Given
    Sent by John  Burke
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right. It usually takes three or four.
  • If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
    The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites
  • When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
    Sent by Rivers
  • Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
    Solon, ancient Greece
    Sent by Red
  • key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
    Sent by Divya
  • The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
    Sent by Ross Henderson
    and another version to this law
    The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
    Sent by Martin and Henrik from Denmark
  • Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
    Sent by Anonymousepad
  • Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
    Sent by GL Roberts
  • If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
    Sent by Bob Holdegraver
  • If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn’t go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
    Sent by John Wilson
  • Common sense isn’t.
    Sent by Joe Facchini
  • The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
    Sent by Mark M Stevens
  • The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
    Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy
  • Those who don’t take decisions never make mistakes.
    Sent by Asier Zabarte
  • The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can’t last forever.
    Sent by Taranis Valerin
  • Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
  • Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
  • If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
  • The only time you’re right, is when its about being wrong.
  • The only times something’s right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
    The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel
  • If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.
    Sent by Pat M.
  • Its never so bad it couldn’t be worse.
    Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders
  • Andrew’s Law
    When saying that things can not possibly get any worse – they will
    Sent by Andrew Milbourne
  • Murphy’s Metalaw
    Knowing Murphy’s Law will never help.
  • Occult Principle of Murphism
    To know Murphy’s Law is to draw its attention.
  • Avoidance Law
    If for some reason Murphy’s Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
  • Hermetic Murphism
    As above, so below.
  • The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
  • Buddha’s Version of Murphy’s Law
    Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.
  • Fleming’s corollary:
    Nothing ever gets better.
  • Murphologist’s Curse
    Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy’s Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
    The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax
  • The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
  • Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
  • Law of cooperatives
    In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
    The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba
  • Mr. Murphy warning:
    Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
    If something goes wrong, it’s Mr. Murphy’s fault.
    Last two laws were sent by Frank O’Neal
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law
    If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame
    Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com
  • Lewis’ Axiom
    The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
    Sent by Robert Lewis
  • Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
    Sent by Nabeel
  • Another name for Murphy’s law: The law of conservation of misery
    Sent by Achten
  • Carvalheiro’s deduction
    If in a particular circumstance Murphy’s law don’t apply, then something must be wrong
    Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro
  • Sharad’s Law
    If Murphy’s law is right then it will go wrong
    Sent by Sharad Bhandari
  • A law about websites:
    The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
    Sent by Shaunna
  • Laws about this site:
    The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.
    Sent by Sathish
  • This site won’t open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are
    Sent by Dinni
  • Remember:
    Shit happens
  • Murphy’s law is intrinsic.
    Sent by wolfram
  • And on the eighth day God said;”O.K. Murphy, you take over!
    Sent by Robert A. Silvestri
  • Larry Niven’s summary of Murphy’s Law:
    The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
    Sent by Kevin Boland
  • The road to success is always under construction
    By Anton Figg (?)
  • If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn’t, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
    Sent by 
  • Bralek’s Rule for Success:
    Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you.
    Sent by 
  • whatever was supposed to happen, won’t
    Sent by 
  • You can’t expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
  • You cant reason with the stupid
    The last two laws were sent by 
  • If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
    Sent by 
  • Clemens’ Law
    In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
    Clemens’ Law short form
    People are stupid.
    Sent by 
  • What goes in must come out.
    Unless it’s the other way around.
    Sent by 
  • Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
    Sent by 
  • Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
  • Berneathys directional dichotomy
    West is always East of somewhere
  • Berneathys formula fact
    Instruction manuals are for losers
  • Berneathys guide theorem
    You’re only lost if you admit it
  • Berneathys gravitational paradox
    If gravity is all around us, why can’t you push a fat dog down the stairs?
    Last five laws were sent by 
  • Wet Law
    A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet
  • Pack Rat’s Law
    All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity
  • Wife’s Law
    Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
    Reply:
    Anything over-done isn’t worth the extra effort
    Last three laws were sent by 
  • It’s no the drop that kills you…. its the sudden stop
    Sent by 
  • When things are going right, you won’t notice
  • The cleverness of Murphy’s Laws is inverse proportion to the number of laws
    last two laws were sent by 
  • The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum
    Sent by 
  • and never forget O’Toole’s Corollary or
    Sod’s Law or
    McGillicuddy Law
    Murphy was an optimist
    Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren’t there?
    Or in other words:
    someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
    The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
    You get all the credit for the dumb move.
    Murphy was an extreme optimist!
    Says Charles L. Mays
  • And we’ll end this page with something optimistic (don’t hit me).
    Don’t worry about Murphy’s Law, you know it’s gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
    Sent by Ruth Beaty
  • The humor of Murphy’s Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
    If you make it through a Murphy Day…you win!

 

Send in any changes, additions or corrections.

Paraprosdokians (Figures of Speech)

Posting will be light this week due to relatives invading.
This is a repost, but it has drawn a lot of interest so I thought others would like it.
First time I heard about parasprosdokians, I liked them. Sometimes known as Arasprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
 (Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify…” I answered, “a doctor.”
11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
12. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
13. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
14. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
16.  I’m supposed to respect my elders but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
17.  I’m not arguing with you, I’m explaining why you are wrong.

What’s Left To Ask For On Your 102nd Birthday? A Stripper

All she wanted for her birthday this year was some wholesome entertainment in the form of a stripper. Is that too much to ask from the nursing home she resides in? Absolutely not.

Griffiths’ request came in the form of a wish that each of the 22 residents of the Hawthorn Court Care Home were invited to make on a “wishing tree,” according to Wales Online.

She wrote, “It is my birthday coming up, so I would like a stripper.” The staff went about making the arrangements to make this centenarian’s wish for a “butler in the buff” come true.

The manager of the nursing home wasn’t at all surprised by the wish. She said, “It’s Gwyneth to a T… she is one hell of a woman!”

One of her children says that when she was younger she was a very quiet and mild-mannered woman. She was much more reserved than she is today.

story

When You’ve Done Too Much Drugs

Man Attacked by Alligator, Shot by Deputies After Apparently Making the Dumbest Decision of His Life

A chaotic end for one man may serve as a warning for others about the dangers of methamphetamine, alligators, and charging police with garden shears.

The unusual incident started around 6 a.m. Monday in Lakeland, Florida, when the Polk County Sheriff’s Office received a call about a man, later identified as 42-year-old Timothy Schulz, acting erratically near a racetrack Monday morning. Deputies responded, but initially could not locate the individual.

Hours later, another caller reported a man swimming in a lake that was packed with alligators.

The Sarasota Herald-Tribune reported that one witness told investigators that he offered a life vest to the man, but was refused. Another witness said Schulz growled at them.

While in the water, things went from bad to worse for Schultz. At some point, it appears he was attacked by one of the lake’s resident reptiles.

Schulz eventually exited the water and made his way into a nearby neighborhood. He is believed to have found a pair of garden shears left in a yard there.

His actions grew increasingly aggressive as he walked the community. At one point, he threw a brick at a truck.

rest of the story

I’ve heard of being high, but this is a lunar buzz it’s so high

All Horses in 151st Kentucky Derby Were Descended from Legendary Secretariat

Every horse that ran the 151st Kentucky Derby on Saturday in Louisville, Kentucky, is reportedly descended from one American champion.

Pedigrees apparently show those horses are descended from Secretariat, the horse that in 1973 ran the fastest mile-and-a-quarter in the derby’s history, the Louisville Courier Journal reported Saturday.

Looking back six generations of most horses will reportedly show they are descended from a champion such as Secretariat or Northern Dancer, the outlet said.

According to derby contending trainer Whit Beckman, “It’s one of those stats. It’s bound to happen at some point with how much he shows up in every single pedigree. It’s really cool. Very cool.”

Secretariat was a thoroughbred racehorse that became the first in 25 years to win the Triple Crown in 1973, per History.com. According to the site:

In 1974, Secretariat was inducted into the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Fame. In 1999, he was the only non-human included among ESPN’s 50 greatest athletes of the century and he became the first thoroughbred to be honored with his own U.S. Postal stamp. Outside the paddock at Belmont Park now stands a statue of Secretariat with both his front feet in the air.

More

Secretariat won the 1973 Kentucky Derby in a time of 1:59:40, and Sovereignty won it on Saturday at 2:02:31.

AI On Weird Phobia’s People Have

I had to ask

  1. Arachibutyrophobia: The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
  2. Nomophobia: The fear of being without your mobile device.
  3. Xanthophobia: The fear of the color yellow.
  4. Turophobia: The fear of cheese.
  5. Somniphobia: The fear of falling asleep.
  6. Coulrophobia: The fear of clowns.
  7. Pogonophobia: The fear of beards.
  8. Triskaidekaphobia: The fear of the number 13.
  9. Ablutophobia: The fear of bathing, washing, or cleaning.
  10. Geniophobia: The fear of chins.

I thought number 8 was about Friday the 13th.

The fear of Friday the 13th is known as friggatriskaidekaphobia. It combines the word ‘Frigga’, which is the name of the Norse goddess after whom Friday is named, and ‘triskaidekaphobia’, which is the fear of the number 13.

I added these:

The fear of having houseguests is called “domatophobia”. It is derived from the Latin word “domus” which means house and “phobos” which means fear. This phobia can cause intense anxiety and discomfort for individuals when they have to host guests in their home.

The fear of small talk is known as “homilophobia”. It comes from the Greek word “homilia” which means conversation and “phobos” which means fear. This phobia can cause individuals to feel extremely anxious and uncomfortable when they have to engage in casual, superficial conversation.

The Best Of High IQ Humor

Note: this is in Chronological order, not by the best humor. That is for the reader to decide.

I can’t promise anything more than they are all short. Some will find them more challenging than others. The same can be said about humor.

There’s always one that will get you though, no matter who you are. You’ll relate.

Pizza style

Nursery Rhyme style

Car/Math style

Sexy/Math style

Numerology style

Abbreviation style

Quadratic Formula style

Geography style

Art and Driving style

Synonym style/Kangaroo Words

Geometry style

Myrmecology Style

Chemistry Style

Extrapolation Style

Vector, Math And Christmas Tree Style

Christmas Style

Drunk Calculus Style

Acoustics Style

Nobel Style

Brain Style

Chemistry Style

Math Style, Factorial Matters

Taking A Shower/Chemistry Style

Chemistry Style

Periodic Table Style

Newton And Gravity style

Re-Writing History

Thesaurus Style

NASA Style

Nursery Rhyme Style

Botany Style

Star Trek Style

Grammar Style

Smelling Style

Bohemian Rhapsody In A Meme

Chemistry Style

French Fries Style

Mitochondria Style

Physics Style

Trigonometry Style

DNA Style

Entomology Style

Math Style

Math Style

Flat Earth Style

Spelling/Rocket Science Style

Einstein And Relativity Style

Trigonometry Style

Temperature Style

pizza Style

Marvel Style

Eating Style

Chess Style

Ichthyology, Electricity (and high on weed) Style

Temperature Style

Mountain Style

Optics, Photonics, Prism and Prison Style

Chemistry Style

Sarcasm Style

Physics Style

Pet Style

Quantum Physics Style

Ornithology Style

Gang Signals or G-Spot Style

Marine Biology Style

En françes

Breast Style

Electrician Style

Star Wars And Electricity Style

Education Style

Alphabet Style

Anatomy Style

Astrophysics And Sarcasm Style

Thermal/Geometry Style

Trailer Trash Style

Stoner Style

Teacher Style

Chemistry Style

Physics Style

Chemistry Style

Carnival Style

grammar Style

Math And Baking Style

Desert Style

Irony and Currency Style

Star Trek Style

Spelling Style

If You Can Laugh At Yourself

Grammar Style

Sayings I Used For My Email Closing At Work

I kept this file hanging around and thought I’d share it, YMMV:

L’esprit de L’escalier – things you wish you could have said after you leave an argument

Talk to a fool and he calls you foolish

“Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.”

Vous-avez le cerveau d’un d’un sandwich au fromage –you have the brain of a cheese sandwich

“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” (Sign hanging in Einstein’s office at Princeton)

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
– Dale Carnegie

Robert Frost – “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

Arrête de ramer, tu attaques la falaise. (you can stop rowing now, you’re on the beach)

It is easy to lose one’s perspective in a mass of details.

Failure is but a paragraph in the book of each human life. It is the pages that follow that ultimately define us

Laurence J. Peter – “An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.”

“Racing is Life.  Everything before and after is just waiting.” Steve McQueen from the movie LeMans

Albert Einstein open original article “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former

Joseph Heller -“The enemy is anybody who’s going to get you killed,
no matter which side he’s on.”

Sidney J. Harris – “A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.”

Abba Eban-“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”

When you win, say nothing, when you lose, say less. -Paul Brown

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them. -Michael Jordan

Every game is an opportunity to measure yourself against your own potential. -Bud Wilkinson

Excellence is not a singular act but a habit. You are what you do repeatedly. -Shaquille O’Neal

“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” Winston Churchill, as quoted in The New American Newspeak Dictionary (2005) by Adrian Krieg, p. 96

 Rudeness is a weak person’s imitation of strength – Oscar Wilde

“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

Losers quit when they’re tired. Winners quit when they’ve won

370H-SSV-0773H – read upside down

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race [is] not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so [are] the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.

— Ecclesiastes 9:11,12 —

“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.” – John Kenneth Galbraith

If guns kill people, then pens misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, forks make you fat, and TVs make you watch porn.

Listen to people. If they are worth talking to, they are worth listening to first.

You can’t change what happens to you in life. All you can change is how you deal with it.

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a $hit in days.

Liberalism: Moochers electing looters to steal from producers

Political Correctness – A term used by whiny pussies that need stuff sugar coated

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” -Albert Einstein

 “I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.” Abraham Lincoln

“This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.” Elmer Davis

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty.”  John F. Kennedy

“Sure I wave the American flag. Do you know a better flag to wave? Sure I love my country with all her faults. I’m not ashamed of that, never have been, never will be.”  John Wayne

“We must always remember that America is a great nation today not because of what government did for people but because of what people did for themselves and for one another.” Richard Nixon

“There is no limit to the greatness of America!” George W. Bush

“Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy.” Ann Coulter

“I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.” Nathan Hale

“Patriotism is not short, frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.” Adlai E. Stevenson

“One, if you attack my integrity, I will defend myself. If you attack my patriotism, I will defend myself. If you come after my family, I will counter-attack viciously, I will destroy you.” Scott Ritter

“The American patriots of today continue the tradition of the long line of patriots before them, by helping to promote liberty and freedom around the world.” John Linder  

“Patriotism is easy to understand in America. It means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country.” Calvin Coolidge

“This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in.” Theodore Roosevelt

“You cannot spill a drop of American blood without spilling the blood of the whole world…. We are not a nation, so much as a world.” Herman Melville 

A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.

– Ariel Durant

“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.” – George Eliot

Quote du jour

But isn’t it always that way with liberals? The only time they seem to make any sense at all is when they’re drunk or you are.

–Burt Prelutsky

Ya gotta be tough if your gonna be stupid.

“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rapidly promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.”

Laurence J. Peteropen original article

“Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.”

“Never judge a book by its movie.”

“Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side.”

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”
— Benjamin Franklin

“Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted.”
— Vladimir Lenin

“When an opponent declares, ‘I will not come over to your side,’ I calmly say, ‘Your child belongs to us already… What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community.’”
— Adolf Hitler

Never take advice from women about women.

And the last one was when I retired:

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me – Jimmy Buffett

Did They Find Jimmy Hoffa Buried There Also?

A 9/11 victim’s DNA helped police identify remains — found more than 20 years ago under a famed New York City address — as those of a teen last seen in 1969, authorities said.

Construction workers made the gruesome discovery on Feb. 10, 2003, at 301 W. 46th St. in Manhattan’s Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, where the famed rock night club Steve Paul’s The Scene once played host to some of music’s biggest acts.

“They were knocking through the concrete floor [and] a skull rolled out,” New York Police Detective Ryan Glas told NBC New York.

Publicly accessible DNA records, including those of a victim of the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, linked the 2003 remains to Patricia Kathleen McGlone, a Brooklyn girl who would have been about 16 in 1969.

more

What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?

What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?

It’s too permanent for me. I need a change of scenery. My thoughts and likes change too much for one. I’m not a fan of helter skelter tats either. If you’re going to do it, think it out in advance.

Me, On Emoji’s

I don’t use them, on purpose. I think they are a childish. I write out stuff. I also don’t LOL, OMG or any other stuff in real life.

There are times that I think people don’t want to talk, so they put something out there that means I’ll let you go or best wishes (read I don’t want to have to say what I really mean, like I don’t want to talk).

Sure, I get them from everyone, but I think if you are over 50, or a guy, you shouldn’t be doing this. It seems like playing with dolls, but then that is just me.

This post and the link about saying Ha! on a text are about the same person. A girl over 60 who thought it was cute. Act like an adult, you are a physician for Pete’s sake.

New DeWalt Combo Air Nailer/Assault Rifle

Washington thinks they are going to take  away our guns, so check this out……..sales of this new product  may skyrocket.

Introducing the perfect solution.  

You don’t have to REGISTER them  or  have LICENSE to own one ….

AND, you don’t have to worry about them being  CONCEALED!


New Nail Gun — made by DeWalt.

It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2×4 at 200 yards.

This  makes construction a breeze …… you can sit in your lawn chair and  build a fence.

Hundred round magazine.

If someone tries to rob your house — Nail his ass to the wall !!!

Thank you DeWalt!

 “IN GOD WE TRUST”

Advice From Lord Chesterfield – On Knowledge

“Knowledge is a comfortable and necessary retreat and shelter for us in advanced age, and if we do not plant it while young, it will give us no shade when we grow old.”

“A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot receive great ones.”

Paradoxical Stuff That Happens To Everyone

This happens to me like everyone else. When in school, I used to get a whole pack of these and I never once remember making it to the end.

Just try and find a pen when you have to take a message on the phone and almost 100% of the time it won’t write.

Stuff You Need To Know, To Know Everything

I lost a year and a half of posts when I switched from blogger to WordPress. I’ll post some of the stuff mostly to get it on record.

December 28th, 2006 by jsimonds

“Stewardesses”  is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop”  with your right.   (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn’t  you?)

No  word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or  purple.

“Dreamt”  is the only English word that ends in the letters  “mt”. (Are  you doubting this?)

Our  eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears  never stop growing.

The  sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every  letter of the alphabet. (Now,  you KNOW you’re going to try this out for accuracy,  right?)

The  words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are  read left to right or right to left  (palindromes).(Yep,  I knew you were going to “do” this one.)

There  are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”:  tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and  hazardous.  (You’re  not doubting this, are you?)

There  are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in  order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”(Yes,  admit it, you are going to say . a e i o  u)

TYPEWRITER  is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one  row of the keyboard.(All  you typists are going to test this  out)

A  cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A  “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a  second.

A  shark is the only fish that can blink with both  eyes.

A  snail can sleep for three years.(I  know some people that could do this too.)

Almonds  are a member of the peach family.

An  ostrich’s eye is bigger than its  brain.

Babies  are born without kneecaps They don’t appear until the child  reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February  1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full  moon

In  the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been  domesticated.

If  the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of  the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo  Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts  are one of the ingredients of  dynamite!

Rubber  bands last longer when refrigerated.

The  average person’s left hand does 56% of the  typing.

The  cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel  that it burns.

The  microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube  and a chocolate bar melted in his  pocket.(Good  thing he did that)

The  winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara  Falls froze completely solid.

There  are more chickens than people in the  world.

Winston  Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a  dance.

Women  blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everything you need to know.

When They Become Cannibals

I knew an Italian Dr with a bag and shoe fetish that only a Dr.’s salary could support. She said it was an addiction. I say it’s a waste of money.

It is for girls to show off to other girls. Guys don’t care about the bags, necklaces, rings or makeup.

She spent 10’s of thousands for other girls I guess. Other than being a good Dr, even her sister said her life was effed up.

How To Reply To An Ex

Or you could be like everyone else and just not talk to them because your life is better that way. I know mine is and there isn’t a one of them worth talking to, especially the one who turned into a traveling whore as a flight attendant for Delta.

Peeing In The Men’s Room, The Unwritten Rule We All Know

And, you if by chance you do break the next rule of look ahead and not at the other guy, you only are allowed to look each other in the eyes.

Guys learn this without being taught. No matter what socially/politically correct spew that comes out of their mouths outside the bathroom door, once you enter the rules are the same for everyone, everywhere.

If you are spatially aware (like a Seal or Spook), you go to the stall where you can’t get attacked from behind, but that is skill level 10 for dangerous people.

If You’re Going To Drive Your Car On A Long Trip, Please Make Sure It’s Going To Make It

I drove over the holidays to see some family. It was only 4 hours, but in the time, I passed a double digit number of cars abandoned on the highway with highway patrol stickers on them.

What did they have in common? They were all either pieces of shit or treated like shit. How these people even attempted to take a trip is beyond me.

I get if that what you have is all you can drive, but at least have the car checked before you leave. It costs way more to have it towed and to have your means of getting to work out of commission.

It’s cheaper and a hell of a lot less hassle to deal with to rent a car for a long trip if yours isn’t going to make it. Hell, Jiffy Lube will tell you if your POS needs something fixed when they try to up sell you from an oil change.

For the rest of us that made it, those cars broken down by the side of the road cause traffic to mess up or slow down unnecessarily.

Moral of the story, don’t ruin your trip, your next week(s) and our trip when it’s easier to take care of your vehicle properly.

Why You Should Think Twice About Flying First Class

I dated a flight attendant who survived the Dallas Crash where they discovered wind sheer. She made it when only about 30 of 300 survived. She was at the back of the plane. I read that you have a better chance of surviving statistically in the back of a crashing plane.

I’d just rather not crash.

I’m exercising my Covid excuse not to go somewhere right now by just not flying.

Why I’m Suspicious When Things Go Right Too Often – AKA The Fuckening

My Mom said that life is about overcoming obstacles, climbing mountains and clearing hurdles. You are either in a crisis, just finished with one or about to start another.

That’s why I’ve learned that when too many things are going good, then this:

I used to live in bliss and then get blindsided as to how things can go wrong. When I was dating, there were times that I had a different girl for every day of the week and said no to others. Not long after that, it seems that even the professionals wouldn’t take my money.

I’d have 3 job offers waiting for me while I loved the job I was at, or I hated my job and no one would even give me an interview.

Now, when I’m feeling on top of the world, I start to prepare for what might be around the corner.

It sounds pessimistic, but I’ve realized that my Mom was right. Just wait long enough and you’ll have a challenge to overcome.

Scenes At The Farmers Market

I like getting food from the local suppliers. It’s always fresher and taste better than from the commercial store.

Up where I am is a hippie type college town. I see a lot of people that are different than the usual man on the street. I’m ok with it as the food will be natural, meat will be grass fed and non GMO and the produce picked the day before. I keep to myself as usual.

Of course this week was the Halloween theme. It wasn’t too crazy, but I thought I’d share some pictures rather than my usual sarcasm. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that. Note, this is one of the few times that I’ll share pictures of myself. It’s a big step for an introvert who shy’s away from social media.

Anyway, here it is.

She said to say I met this witch at the farmers market.

On Turning The Clocks Back Soon

I’m smart enough to never have listened to a song by her (that I’m aware of). The drugs affected John and her by then and there wasn’t much to listen to. He was better with the Beatles. She was never good.

It doesn’t affect me as much anymore because my age gets me up whenever it feels like it. I (for the most part) don’t have to get up for anything. I agreed with my golfing partner not to get up too early for a tee time next round. Not being rushed is a great thing at this point in life.

I don’t miss early meetings, e-mail road rage or having to get the kids ready for school. That is for young people.

Here is a guide on how to set each of your devices for DST. You’ve been warned if you click on it. You’ll get another dose of sarcasm.

South Florida In One Gif

While I’m being sarcastic…..

When I lived there, this was the story almost every week. It was usually an 80+ year old grandmother who didn’t know how it happened. It got to where we weren’t even surprised, rather we’d just say, “well, there goes another one”.

They are the same drivers who get into the fast lane and go 5 MPH below the speed limit and don’t move. My friend called them nesters because they’d nest in the fast lane.

Autumn, Like Life, In Pictures

These were taken one week apart from the same chair. We’ve already seen the 30’s and the leaves are turning. It reminds me that I’m in the Autumn of my life. I hope to enjoy it, but it’s a lot slower and with more aches and pains than it used to be.

Maybe it’s all the hard wear and tear I put on myself through the years. I seem to learn more from mistakes than successes, they are more painful.

Indonesia (Using Ivermectin) Covid Free vs. Singapore (Using the Vaxx) Spiking Cases of Covid

Here is Singapore, almost fully Vaxxed.

Image

Here is Indonesia –

After the government authorized the use of Ivermectin for COVID-19 patients, the number of cases significantly plummeted since July.

The data below proves that Ivermectin played a role on the steep decline of COVID-19 cases despite having a low vaccination rate.

Here is a link to the data and story.

Do the math. Understand what works. Make an intelligent decision on your path. At least ask why they are forcing the Vax on us.

You do you.

And Now You Know Stuff …. Like Who’s the Asshole, Blue Whales, Why 6 feet for Social Distancing and Karen’s

As Elmore Leonard put it, “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”

My Childhood Was Awesome, Part 2

I played endless paper football between and before class in middle school. We had benches and tables that were perfect.

I could kick the way the picture is above and from one of the sides (where the fold is)

I could make a paper football today, after not making one for decades because I’ve made so many.

It was real life video games for us back then.

I also pitched quarters, but I hated losing money, why gambling was never one of my vices.

How Men Working Signs Should Actually Read

I always try to count how many are actually working.

I try to thank the sign workers who let the traffic flow when there is only one lane for both sides. They take a beating for holding up traffic, but it isn’t their fault.

When I worked in construction growing up, the lowest guy got the worst jobs. It’s an unwritten rule.

Random Funny Thoughts

I had amnesia once — or twice.

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Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

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I am neither for nor against apathy.

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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

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If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

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What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

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They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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One nice thing about egotists … they don’t talk about other people.

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My weight is perfect for my height … which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.

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The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

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How can there be self-help groups

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

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Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Why Karma Is Going To Kill Me On This One

When I was young and dumb I was driving in the rain and saw a guy walking along the sidewalk with an umbrella. It looked like the one below.

There was a puddle that I could have driven around, but chose to speed up, going through the puddle and just waxed him. He put his umbrella away and was drenched.

To this day, I am expecting it to happen to me. I avoid puddles knowing that payback is coming. I don’t really believe in karma, but I know it’s coming.

By the way, I’m old and dumb now. I expect it to happen when I get even older and can’t get out of the way. It will be in the most inconvenient time and place possible.

Vegans Arguing, Is It a Beef?

I know someone who just went vegan and sure enough, I get to hear all about it. I don’t really care what anyone eats other than me so I’ll skip any vegan jokes here. You don’t have to tell everyone you see that you are vegan. We’ll see it soon enough anyway, or smell it.

I drew the line at asparagus for breakfast though. No, just no.

How To Fix That Annoying Noise In Your Car

Here’s a classic song that few know. The amount of music theory needed to do just the counting and coming in on time is innovative and rarely duplicated. It’s from Houses of the Holy, a classic album.

Cardi B and her WAP is something that should be before Dr. Seuss in the line of things to be banned.

When Doing Your Very Best Isn’t Trying

Only the mediocre are always at their best. - Jean Giraudoux

See a couple of posts below on office speak. I heard one that said under promise and over deliver. That will make you look good once, but if you do the job right every time, you will be far more respected and trusted.

Work Phrases Explained

Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the email.

Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency’s copywriters.

All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.

Approved:
Needs revising

Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself.

Channels:
The trails left by interoffice emails.

Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.

Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.

Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.

FYI:
Found yesterday, interested?

In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her.

Let’s Get Together On This:
I’m assuming you’re as confused as I.

Note & Initial:
I’m not taking the fall for this myself.

Policy:
We can hide behind this.

Please See Me:
Come down to my office. I’m lonely.

Top Priority:
It may be stupid but the boss wants it.

We Are Taking A Survey:
We need more time to think of an answer or we can’t find anyone willing to be responsible for this.

Will Advise In Due Course:
If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.

Friday Saying – How To Build Your Reputation

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.” – Henry Ford

It’s true, you can really only promise to do something once and get fully believed, unless you do what you promised.

The bane of Introverts is small talk and inevitably, during small talk comes promises or boasting of things one will absolutely do. I’m more surprised when they actually do what is promised than by the cheap words now.

Yes, you are being judged by what you do, and probably fairly. Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. Better yet, keep your mouth shut unless you’ve already delivered on the promise.

Great Sayings – John Wayne On Life

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.

John Wayne
Yes life is hard, especially if you choose the wrong people, the wrong sources to get your information and put any faith in social media.
The filter you choose to get your information is usually someone trying to persuade you to their position.  Think through things and look past what others say to see if it is true, relevant and is in accordance with your principles.
Don’t be stupid

In Honor of My 600th Post, Here Is My To Do List

WordPress says this is my 600th post, but I know I lost the year 2007 when I switched from Blogger to WordPress because I avoid Google whenever possible.  I likely passed it a while back, but they are gone forever now.

I post a lot about IQ, intelligence, Introverts, tech and a lot of subjects that would provide a platform to post something meaningful, deep in meaning , intelligent, well thought out and well written.  As they say, the road to hell….

In that spirit, I give you a to do list that is sarcastic, funny to me and given the mood I’m in as I write this and very appropriate especially since my last name is Simonds (see number 8).

What Are The Top 10 Things You Should Be Informed Of In Life

Again, these are not my answers, but are an interesting read on people.  It will offend some, but God is number one for me.  The rest of the lists below should offend someone or many.

1. Human psychology. It’s a young field, and no one has all the answers yet. But you can get a better understanding of why other people do what they do — and how to thread your way through life’s complexities — by studying at least a little of this field.

2. The basics of accounting. This will greatly reduce your chances of being swindled in life. It also will make it much easier for you to do some systematic planning, while keeping track of how you’re doing vis a vis your plans.

3. Music. It will calm you. It will inspire you. It will build bridges to a more interesting set of friends.

4. Your own family’s story. Where did your parents grow up, and how did that shape who they are? What are the formal or informal communities that help define your identity? (“We are athletes … we are Irish … we are restless spirits who move from city to city.”) Having an enduring sense of identity that goes beyond the ups and downs of your own life will be a source of comfort and motivation all your life.

5. The way your government really works. Find out why some laws are tightly enforced and others aren’t. Learn the best ways of influencing your government — whether it’s on matters of national significance or something as personal as winning a zoning variance for the cafe you run. Finally, gain some non-bitter insights about why society doesn’t always work the way you’d like.

6. Good nutrition and how to incorporate it into your life. Mike Leary is right.  In a poor society, this is the difference between life and death. In a rich society, it’s — surprise! — the difference between a long, robust future and chronic illness that can turn deadly far too soon.

7. Different cultural values. If you’re going to be effective outside a small cluster of people like you, you’ll need to understand and appreciate how other tribes work, too.

8. How to communicate your ideas to the wider world. Justin Freeman is right. Learn how to speak clearly and persuasively. Or to write well. Or to create useful and appealing computer code, video, music, etc. Pick the medium that works best for you, and make sure you don’t go through life being mute.

9. Effective parenting. Just because your parents didn’t quite get it right (no one ever does!) doesn’t mean that you can’t do better. Find your own style, stick with what works … but keep refining your approach as you learn from others. You owe it to the species.

10. Quora. It’s one-stop shopping for biased crap! Be aware of what’s on Quora, and you’ll know what not to believe.

Here’s another:

  1. Realize that nobody cares, and if they do, you shouldn’t care that they care. Got a new car? Nobody cares. You’ll get some gawkers for a couple of weeks—they don’t care. They’re curious. Three weeks in it’ll be just another shiny blob among all the thousands of others crawling down the freeway and sitting in garages and driveways up and down your street. People will care about your car just as much as you care about all of those. Got a new gewgaw? New wardrobe? Went to a swanky restaurant? Exotic vacation? Nobody cares. Don’t base your happiness on people caring, because they won’t. And if they do, they either want your stuff or hate you for it.
  2. Some rule breakers will break rule number one. Occasionally, people in your life will defy the odds and actually care about you. Still not your stuff, sorry. But if they value you, they’ll value that you value it, and they’ll listen. When you talk about all of those things that nobody else cares about, they will look into your eyes and consume your words, and in that moment you will know that every part of them is there with you.
  3. Spend your life with rule breakers. Marry them. Befriend them. Work with them. Spend weekends with them. No matter how much power you become possessed of, you’ll never be able to make someone care—so gather close the caring.
  4. Money is cheap. I mean, there’s a lot of it—about forty thousand billion dollars floating around the world, largely made up of cash whose value is made up and ascribed to it, anyway. Don’t engineer your life around getting a slightly less tiny portion of this pile, and make your spirit of generosity reflect this principle. I knew a man who became driven by the desire to amass six figures in savings, so he worked and scrimped and sacrificed to get there. And he did… right before he died of cancer. I’m sure his wife’s new husband appreciated his diligence.
  5. Money is expensive. I mean, it’s difficult to get your hands on sometimes—and you never know when someone’s going to pull the floorboards out from under you—so don’t be stupid with it. Avoid debt on depreciating assets, and never incur debt in order to assuage your vanity (see rule number one). Debt has become normative, but don’t blithely accept it as a rite of passage into adulthood—debt represents imbalance and, in some sense, often a resignation of control. Student loan debt isn’t always unavoidable, but it isn’t a given—my wife and I completed a combined ten years of college with zero debt between us. If you can’t avoid it, though, make sure that your degree is an investment rather than a liability—I mourn a bit for all of the people going tens of thousands of dollars in debt in pursuit of vague liberal arts degrees with no idea of what they want out of life. If you’re just dropping tuition dollars for lack of a better idea at the moment, just withdraw and go wander around Europe for a few weeks—I guarantee you’ll spend less and learn more in the process.
  6. Learn the ancient art of rhetoric. The elements of rhetoric, in all of their forms, are what make the world go around—because they are what prompt the decisions people make. If you develop an understanding of how they work, while everyone else is frightened by flames and booming voices, you will be able to see behind veils of communication and see what levers little men are pulling. Not only will you develop immunity from all manner of commercials, marketing, hucksters and salesmen, to the beautiful speeches of liars and thieves, you’ll also find yourself able to craft your speech in ways that influence people. When you know how to speak in order to change someone’s mind, to instill confidence in someone, to quiet the fears of a child, then you will know this power firsthand. However, bear in mind as you use it that your opponent in any debate is not the other person, but ignorance.
  7. You are responsible to everyone, but you’re responsible for yourself. I believe we’re responsible to everyone for something, even if it’s something as basic as an affirmation of their humanity. However, it should most often go far beyond that and manifest itself in service to others, to being a voice for the voiceless. If you’re reading this, there are those around you who toil under burdens larger than yours, who stand in need of touch and respect and chances. Conversely, though, you’re responsible for yourself. Nobody else is going to find success for you, and nobody else is going to instill happiness into you from the outside. That’s on you.
  8. Learn to see reality in terms of systems. When you understand the world around you as a massive web of interconnected, largely interdependent systems, things get much less mystifying—and the less we either ascribe to magic or allow to exist behind a fog, the less susceptible we’ll be to all manner of being taken advantage of. However:
  9. Account for the threat of black swan events. Sometimes chaos consumes the most meticulous of plans, and if you live life with no margins in a financial, emotional, or any other sense, you will be subject to its whims. Take risks, but backstop them with something—I strongly suspect these people who say having a Plan B is a sign of weak commitment aren’t living hand to mouth. Do what you need to in order to keep your footing.
  10. You both need and don’t need other people. You need others in a sense that you need to be part of a community—there’s a reason we reflexively pity hermits. Regardless of your theory of anthropogenesis, it’s hard to deny that we are built for community, and that ‘we’ is always more than ‘me.’ However, you don’t need another person in order for your life to have meaning—this idea that Disney has shoved through our eyeballs, that there’s someone out there for all of us if we’ll just believe hard enough and never stop searching, is hokum… because of arithmetic, if nothing else. Establish your own life—then, if there’s a particular person that you can’t help but integrate, believe me, you’ll know.
  11. Always give more than is required of you.

Go to the link above, there is more.

Add more in comments if you have a better suggestion than these.