Category: games

How To Punk LinkedIn – Viral Post Generator

People are always bragging or taking credit for jobs they should be doing anyway, like this:

 

Here’s a post generator that makes up stuff for you (link below). I put random stuff in it to get this:

. 

You put anything in and pick the level of cringe that you want. It even adds (I guess) fake people who liked it to give you cred when you post it.

Link

Go ahead and punk LinkedIn

Michael Jordan Allegedly Told Julian Edelman ‘Don’t F*ck It Up’ Regarding ‘A Bunch Of Money’ He Bet On Super Bowl

Well, Jordan certainly can be a charming fellow. Read below.

Michael Jordan is such a G!

When it comes to being an athlete, the pinnacle of pressure certainly has to be playing in the Super Bowl, so with stress, you really don’t want any outside negative energy coming at you outside of what happens on the gridiron.

However, New England Patriots legend and Super Bowl champion Julian Edelman had to deal with exactly that before Super Bowl XLIX, and on such a massive scale considering the added pressure was coming from Michael Jordan. Yes, that Michael Jordan — His Airness, six-time NBA champion, the greatest of all-time, whatever you wanna call him.

Speaking on a recent episode of his “Games With Names” podcast while hosting comedian Bert Kreischer, Edelman told a story about how he met both Jordan and Derek Jeter before the 2015 edition of the Super Bowl in Glendale. (RELATED: What’s Going On? Colts Shockingly Suspend Two Players For The Rest Of The Season In The Middle Of Playoff Race)

“And I’m super starstruck,” said Edelman. “And I’m about to play in the Super Bowl. I go up — and you could tell Jeter’s a very charming guy, welcoming. I go up [and say], ‘Mr. Jeter, I’m Julian Edelman. I’m playing in the Super Bowl.’ I felt weird introducing myself, but I wanted to meet him.”

Jordan, on the other hand, wasn’t as friendly, only issuing Edelman one simple message, according to the former player.

“I started talking with Jeter and everything’s good,” Edelman explained. “And as soon as the conversation’s about to end like five minutes in [and] I’m about to leave, Jordan comes up to me and he goes, ‘Hey kid, I got a bunch of money on you. Don’t f*ck it up.’ And that’s the only thing he said to me.”

story

I guess when you have that kind of money, the rules are a bit different.

Not This Year Santa, Not After All The Other Reindeer Were Jerks

Unwritten Rules For Men

If you read how it’s harder to be a man than you thought (why trans men can’t pull it off), you know that life is harder for guys than we let on.

Hell, half the pressure is stuff we put on ourselves, but then so is half of the enjoyment of pulling it off.

(From the link above)

Men are in competition with each other. Men vie to express dominance, to establish their place in the pecking order.

If a man steps out of line, and assumes a place in the pecking order that is not agreed upon – this place being based upon established social agreements that no one can see, nor express in words – he is summarily dismissed.

If he still believes the territory, he has assumed, is rightfully his, he will endure all manner of insults and attacks, up to, and including, physical attacks

This begins for boys some time just after the toddler stage, and intensifies through the teen years, and early adulthood.

Men find this competition exhilarating, though it is also challenging, and often ends in shocking defeats. 

WE MAKE UP GAMES TO COMPETE, EVEN WITH OURSELVES.

See the meme above. One of the unwritten rules for guys is you have to (at least try) to get all the shopping bags in one trip.

Next, we can’t just throw away a wad of paper if there is a hoop to make. Back up and see how far you can be before you miss. Add difficulty by changing hands or twice in a row. Hell, I toss ice cubes that fell on the floor behind my back into the sink. Putting them there would be too easy, or conversely not enough of a challenge.

I told my son this one. You have to open the garage door as far as possible when driving up. You need to know the range in case of (imagined) attack, or whatever. Never can you wait in the driveway while the door is opening.

You have to park in the spot first time. To add difficulty, back in. The ultimate challenge is parallel parking uphill on the wrong side of the street while driving stick shift with people in your car to judge you. It has to be done the first try. (I’ve done it).

Then there are the bathroom rules.

Like this.

And of course which one to use.

And this.

Here are 30 guy rules, but I didn’t know about the fart window in the public restroom.

Life Got Better For Everyone, Hollywood Actors And Writers Are On Strike

What’s funny is most people haven’t noticed.

The biggest effect on me is that Jeopardy is in re-runs, but I can live with that.

They’ll do the usual dance about pay and resolve it somehow, but in the meantime we won’t be subjected to the woke crap like what Disney has been putting out recently.

It amuses me that the Sound of Freedom is doing well, despite no support from the media or Hollywood. They don’t want decent or honest films going out.

We’ll also have a start up period where nothing is getting made as they have to start writing again and re-opening the movie sets. Then the woke crap will be back on the screens.

I don’t bother with that anymore and barely watch much, only what I can stomach.

Go outside and enjoy the day. Actually do things rather than sit in front of the screen. It’s a lost art. There was nothing on for kids when I was young. We entertained ourselves, played sports or made up stuff to do.

I was watching a video of girls talking about would they date an incel (involuntary celibate guy). They said get your head out of the computer if you want your dick wet. Otherwise they didn’t want anything to do with them.

Maybe the writers will stay on strike so everyone wins.

Trump On The LIV/PGA Golf Kerfuffle, Called It

He called this one. Once a businessman, always a businessman. The LIV golfers made a ton of money while working a lot less for the last couple of years. The PGA golfers lost out on hundreds of millions of dollars.

The PGA Tour announced Tuesday that it is merging with Saudi-backed LIV Golf in a shocking development intended to end the rivals’ public hostilities and extensive ongoing litigation.

The parties agreed to combine their commercial businesses and rights into a new entity, the name of which has not yet been released. LIV Golf Investments, the firm spearheading the LIV tour, is supported by the Saudi regime’s sovereign wealth fund.

Over the last year, LIV and the PGA have been entangled in multiple antitrust lawsuits, which will reportedly be quashed as part of the agreement. Golfers and fans who remain loyal to the PGA have attacked LIV as a so-called “sports-washing” vehicle for the Saudi regime to distract from its extensive record of human-rights abuses.

“After two years of disruption and distraction, this is a historic day for the game we all know and love,” PGA Tour Commissioner Jay Monahan said in a statement. “This transformational partnership recognizes the immeasurable strength of the PGA TOUR’s history, legacy and pro-competitive model and combines with it the DP World Tour and LIV – including the team golf concept – to create an organization that will benefit golf’s players, commercial and charitable partners and fans.”

Dick Jokes, If Told By A Girl

I bet she’d want to write her name in the snow and on the wall too.

As for me, I can’t get them to fit as the hole is too small, but I imagine I could fit a dozen or so (only if I smashed them flat together)

This is how it is being a man. It’s much more than donuts. We hang towels also.

And this is how we do it, and stuff all guys know.

but first, you have to know the guy rules we knew when we were born

Somewhere There Is A Teenager Naming His Johnson After This

The jokes about eating write themselves now.

A lot of men have a name for their dicks. I’ve heard endless versions. Some are more creative than others.

Everyone copied theirs from someone else except my friend Mitchell. His was the Mighty Throbber.

Competitive Eating Update, When Joey Chestnut Sharted His Pants

Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has been one of my favorite sports for years, since Kobayashi was king. My wife thinks it is one of the grossest competitions ever held, adding to my enjoyment.

I heard an interview with Joey Chestnut about taking a dump the next day after downing 70 hot dogs. I’ve wondered about that also.

What I didn’t know was that he’s done it while competing. Gross I know, but it didn’t stand in the way of him winning.

At least he’s honest about it.

Nose Hair Extensions, They’ve Taken It Too Far This Time

Several beauty bloggers have taken to Instagram to post whether this was a trend to stay or a trend to say nay to.

And it’s not just one beauty blogger either, it’s several…

https://www.instagram.com/p/BadLJYHn1QC/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Yeah, I don’t think this one is for me, or will be a fad that takes off, but click the link to see the reactions.

The Gender Neutral Bathroom

While this is a piece of modern art depicting the world as a cesspool, It is how I feel when I go to do laps after kids have been in the pool.

I fear the adults do it also as I know the competitive swimmers all admitted it.

A Guy’s Walk Of Shame

It’s a guy rule. You have to get all of the bags from car to house in one trip. Other stuff is seeing how far away the garage door opener will work from your house. If you can make a throw to the trashcan easily, you have to add difficulty to it like behind the back or use the other hand.

The list goes on.

Words I Made Up

Spell check catches a lot of my mistakes. I’ve noticed a trend recently when I write a word that I can’t find anywhere, so I started keeping a list. I’m sure that some of these should be words and I’ve used them in posts already.

Some may actually be words and I’m wrong about it, but I didn’t win the National Spelling Bee or grammar contest either.

Here’s my list so far. I’ll add to it as I make stuff up. I’ll take contributions if you have one and give you credit on the blog.

Christmasness – too much Christmas

Commerciality

Dickness – acting like a dick

Assholiness – speaks for itself

Incorrecter – more incorrect

Silenting – silencing someone

Frothily – frothy

Ender – the event that signals the end of something. That goal was the ender of the game.

Holify – translation of sanctify from the Greek, but we don’t have that word in english.

Sandwichable – things you can put in a sandwich, or a nice girl in a tight place

Introverting – avoiding people

Libtardedness

Conservatardedness

Ineptocracy – Biden administration

Fuckedupness

Propagandish – sort of propaganda

Pussify – make less manly or more cowardly

Impartation – to take part of

Hero’d – being a hero at something, I’m super hero’d out I’ve seen it so many times

Jonesy – jonesing about something, I feel jonesy

Dumbassery – doing dumb things

Unintimidating – not intimidating

How Old I Am, I Was 9 For 10 On These Jingles

But, I remembered I am stuck on Band-Aids because…..

Hat tip to 90 miles from tyranny

However, I forgot why I was in a room twice yesterday.

Short shorts was a Godsend for a young hormonal man. Of course, childishness set in on sometimes you feel like a nut, which should have been next to number 8

Introvert Humor, How Far Will You Go To Avoid People?

Of course there is the golf joke about the guy who played a round with his buddies shouting and laughing. After the round as they headed to the parking lot, he told them at the end to not talk to him. When asked why, he said he’s told his wife he’s been deaf for 5 years and he didn’t want to spoil it.

Me, Being Childish In The Store

I absolutely would do this. I’m just pissed I haven’t thought of it before.

hat tip wirecutter

The cashier could be male or female (still the only genders science can prove) and they will judge you by the size you pick. Think about that.

When Artificial Intelligence Can Be Beat (And How To Do It)

I expect a lot of clicks from China on this, they always do when I write about either them or technology.

I found this out playing Duo Lingo, where you learn a new language. They use marketing tools to keep you interested and try for more points such as doubling your score if you finished a lesson before 12.

The AI program does one of two things. Foremost, it gets you involved and competing at a higher level trying harder and spending more time on the app. For learning it is a good thing. For an App company selling advertising, the more time on their site, the more ads they sell.

The second thing it does is discard those who give up killing themselves when they are put into groups with more aggressive players. The lower performing scorers are segregated into a less-competitive group. This group isn’t worth trying to squeeze more money or time out of because they are casual App users.

One of the marketing techniques is a tournament where only a few advance, the aggressive players whom the AI has developed. I’ve ignored it twice because it becomes a 3 week time suck. For me, spending time only on one thing burns me out and I lose interest. I only want to play on my terms, something they didn’t calculate.

THE KOBAYASHI MARU

I love to win and do a lot, like last week. I wanted to beat not only the other players in my division, but the AI behind the game. This is the fault of much of AI. It has to assume human behavior, but goes on perceived behavior. Humans can be random thinkers or those outside of the AI logic.

Winner!

Any reader of my blog knows I look for patterns to make my life easier and better. Sometimes it is is just for the satisfaction of figuring it out. It was like learning the jab was poison and avoiding it while the sheep lined up to get their daily ration.

It’s almost like living in the Matrix and avoiding the Mr. Smiths of the world.

I was at IBM during Watson and knew the tech companies were seeing this as a potential holy grail. I couldn’t out develop the great minds that write AI, but beating them at their game was equally gratifying. I observed what they were doing and always considered the weaknesses.

Ken and Brad didn’t have a chance

Why did I want to do this? I know the Snidely Whiplashes of the world want to take over and control others, like Big Tech and the WEF. Knowing that they are beatable at their own game is valuable. It is like taking the red pill and being in the matrix.

MY STRATEGY

I found that in between the two groups above is where the programmers weakness lies. Those that don’t seem to try or or try outside of the AI rules. It’s AI learns at a machine rate, but not at a human rate.

It’s like when Watson learned to hunt for Double Jeopardy clues and was faster to the buzzer than humans, but AI can be out thought or out maneuvered.

I decided to hold back my scoring for a few weeks to fool the AI into putting me into a lower scoring crowd. I’ve done many thousands of points and finished in the top group without winning, only to be promoted to a higher scoring group. I wanted to see if I tried to score less, would the AI would “learn” that I’m a low scorer.

As I suspected, the groups I got put in were less and less aggressive. The point totals to keep advancing were less and less.

I knew I was gaining ground on the AI weakness and could be manipulated.

Last week, I kept to my minimal effort while learning (both foreign languages and the AI engine behind the App). I noticed that I have been put in lower performing groups. I did my daily amount I’d allowed myself to have and was slowly advancing up the ladder. I was using the AI engine to put me where I wanted to be, not in it’s calculations.

By Friday, I was in the lead with far less points than I’ve done many times in only a day (it starts on Sunday). I had to rely on human behavior that my group weren’t aggressive players, but that was my AI bet that we would be with each other. I was right. I predicted the AI pattern and beat it.

Beating the AI was far more of a challenge than beating the other players.

CONTINUING TO BEAT MACHINES

I knew I’d won by Saturday and did the minimal on Sunday to score. Why? To keep fooling the AI into believing I am a low scoring player. My goal was to win at the lowest level to keep getting promoted into groups that I could predict, and to keep proving that AI is beatable and malleable.

I’ll find out this week if that is fully true as I’m in a tournament for winners now (another marketing ploy) and I will try to finish last and keep advancing. I normally like to crush the competition, but winning by thinking is far more satisfying than winning by brute force. It’s as if you are running the game and the other players.

THE TURING TEST

Of course this is famous, can a machine behave like a human (roughly translated by me). Of course Duo Lingo isn’t as complex as war or landing on Mars, but there are hundreds of millions of humans. That is what they want AI to control, humans (like their free speech on social media).

I wanted to beat a machine, AI and find the holes that are in AI. It is programmed by humans still and can always be beat. They are not sentient. Find the pattern.

OTHER AI CHALLENGES

I play Wordle like a lot of others. I’m not busy trying to win right now, I’m trying to trick their AI into a pattern that I can out think their word selection.

The Most Dangerous Toys Of All Time

I had a lot of these growing up and made them more dangerous if possible. Instructions? If I read them, it didn’t mean I followed them.

Where were our parents? They bought us these killers and told us to go outside and play. I never had supervision other than don’t hurt the other kids, which was the point of all our games anyway.

I never had a Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab with real radiation.

In 1951, A.C. Gilbert introduced his U-238 Atomic Energy Lab, a radioactive learning set we can only assume was fun for the whole math club. Gilbert, who Americanmemorabilia claims was “often compared to Walt Disney for his creative genius,” had a dream that nuclear power could capture the imaginations of children everywhere. For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity.

Here are the rest of the 10. If you don’t have the time, lawn darts IS on the list and I threw them at other kids and had them thrown at me.

Now, the Karen’s of the world have ruined the fun, or tried to make it woke.

Childhood Games – Car Pool, With The Car Doors

After reaching both puberty and achieving my drivers license, we drove around and made up games. It was sort of like video games in real life.

Everyone has been in a car and someone scores a target based on how many points you get if you open the door by driving and hit them, or just hit them with the car. Before you gasp, this was teenage boys showing off without ever following through. It garnered a good laugh and we always did the same. We drove past the target and counted the score based on who called it first. No lives were lost that I know of.

But here were the rules…..

Old People or disabled – no score as they moved slow and are too easy to hit

Mooning old people – extra points if they grab their heart and gasp (ok, we really did this one)

Young couples or families – a double score, but still low as the kids are like old people, slow and easy

Regular pedestrians – multiple score if you get more than one

All of these are walkers, and aren’t much of a challenge. For higher scores, move on to….

Bikers – A fairly high score as they are a moving target and satisfying if they are holding up traffic. This can only be scored with an open door as hitting with a car wouldn’t be a challenge. The faster the biker, the higher the points. Multiple bikers garners a multiple score, like a 7-10 split.

Motorcycles – A very high score as they are fast. A lower but more satisfying score if you open the door while stopped in traffic and catch one cutting between cars.

Animals -no score as you should lose points if you hurt one. They don’t know you are playing a game.

Practice – revving your car while stopped before someone crosses the sidewalk, then waving them to cross as you keep revving. The smart ones will just say no and not cross.

Lawn Darts And Dodgeball, Life’s Video Games

I loved lawn darts. It’s like eating a tootsie roll pop. You always bite it. With lawn darts, you take maybe 2 throws at the circle and then you are aiming at the other kids. Now, micro aggression’s need safe spaces in case I hurt you with an incorrect pronoun or say a forbidden word. How sad it is that you can become so shallow that words thrown childishly and generally out of context hurt you.

Now for dodgeball. They don’t let kids play it because the unwritten rules are kill the fat kids and girls first as they are the slowest and easiest to hit. It’s why lions kill the slowest in the heard. They are the ones that got a good game banned because they couldn’t win. Note: This game is a good lesson in life, survival, awareness and loyalty.

Loyalty in dodgeball? Yes. When it’s down to a couple of kids, you don’t throw at your friends first. It spilled over into class and life.

Did we aim for the body? If it was available, otherwise a head shot was good for stories 2 days later that everyone enjoyed until Karen’s came along.

If they would stop banning the good games (also red rover), maybe kids would go outside more.

My Secret Power, If I Was Still Working

A lot of meetings suck and are just a dick measuring contest. I posted Why Meetings are a wasted of time and how to get out of them a while back.

I wanted to choke the shit out of a lot of people. Just click either work or IBM in the tag cloud to the right.

There are some people that deserve this and I’m the one that would deliver it to them, especially Sandy Carter, but that would be a long line to wait in.

There are some people I’d force choke their balls instead to end their tirades or whatever nonsense they were bringing to the table. They’ agree to my point a lot faster.

I’d use the Jedi mind trick to get people to do stuff also, like give me a raise or stop giving me a hard time.

Like a lot of things, it’s probably better for the world that I’m not a force wielder. There are too many dark side things that need doing to some people.

Since I don’t have the force, I have to settle for my usual super power.

Introvert Golfing

The snow is finally gone (it did snow last week) and the local course opened, so I made my way out to the course. I had no one to make up a four or even a twosome, so I picked at time and figured I’d get stuck with someone.

Well, the tourists aren’t hear yet. The snow has melted and the skiers are gone. It turns out that it was supposed to rain that day so when I got to the course, the parking lot was empty. I knew my luck couldn’t hold so I went to the range and hit a bucket to warm up and then went to putt on the practice green. It is next to the first tee, so I knew that I could keep an eye on the traffic to get out with as few people in my group as possible.

As it turns out, no one showed up. Even the starter wasn’t there. I took the opportunity to jump on the tee and try for a solo round. Life was on my side and there weren’t golfers for many holes either side of me.

I played 18 hassle free and small talk free golf. I would have paid extra money for this freebie in life.

I’ll be out again this week and I’ll get paired up with someone the rest of the year, but it was a good start.

Looks like I’m starting out the year with a double digit handicap. Playing golf is my other handicap.

The cart is mine. There is no one on any hole in sight, damn near a perfect day for me.

Yes, I Would Giggle If I Had To Say That

It’s like when the answer is a dirty word, but not in the context on Jeopardy. You sometimes get to cuss, or say a word like dick, dump or some other childish Beavis and Butthead joke on national TV.

I’d call in to ask if they could page Mike Hunt.

Things That Don’t Lie, Yoga Pants

When I went to Milan, the fashion capital of Italy I was expecting gorgeous clothes on stunning women. What I got was a parade of yoga pants, in this case done worse than in the USA.

No matter where I go now, be it the grocery store, a restaurant, walking anywhere it’s pretty much what you see on girls of all age.

I got news for you. Most of you shouldn’t be wearing them, or shouldn’t be wearing them outside the house. I get that it is the fashion trend and they are comfortable, but a lot of you fill them out way more than they were meant to. This is even true in the gym, where they are acceptable.

Well, it’s a boon to guys who want to check you out, unless you are an exhibitionist. It hides nothing and reveals everything. A lot of you shouldn’t be wearing thongs underneath them either. Those are supposed to be sexy and there are few over their mid twenties that make them look that way.

Don’t come back with guys with beer bellies and butt cracks because I’ll get to that in another post.

For now, here’s why:

How to Avoid Camel Toe in Yoga Pants - Daily Hawker
Camel Toe

If you really want to laugh, play this song because it describes almost every name there is for this part of the anatomy. It’s freakin’ hilarious.

Posting Stupid Stuff On Facebook

Same thing for Alcohol. When I see a girl post herself holding a drink, like all guys learned when they are growing up, it’s a leg spreader.

If I guy is posting at drink, I think here, hold my beer because something stupid is happening soon.

Pencil Trick For Girls, Towel (Doughnut) Hanger For Guys

Hanging a towel on your junk is a joke that Jeff Foxworthy made about the side effects of Viagra. I learned about the pencil trick from off color office banter at some point in my working career.

They aren’t fooling me about what they are hanging doughnuts on. It’s below the belt humor.

People do this when they get bored. It is sophomoric, but funny to me as I have a 12 year old’s sense of humor.

Lift up your top, put a pen or pencil under your breast ...

Euphemisms For Farting

I posted Euphemisms for stupid a while back and it’s still pretty high on the search list. I was in the shower, where I do some of my best thinking and gathered some of these off the web. I have also posted on how much farts weigh.

No matter who you are, you fart. Most people think it’s funny. Old people don’t care and just let it go whenever. Guys have farting contests and remember the loudest, longest and smelliest ones. Girls say it’s gross in from of others, but let it rip when they are alone.

Everybody thinks it’s funny if someone famous gets caught.

229 best Laughing "Gas" images on Pinterest | Funny stuff ...
Prince Phillip ripping one in front of the Royals

It’s still a Covid test. If you can smell it, you don’t have Covid.

Enjoy

Air bagel

Air biscuit

Airbrush the boxers

Air tulip

Anal acoustics

Anal ‘ahem’

Anal audio

Anal exhale

Anal salute

Anal volcano

Anus applause

Answering the call of the wild burrito

back blast

Back draft

Back-end blowout

Backdoor breeze

Backdoor sneeze

Backfire

Bake an air biscuit

Baking brownies

Bark

Barking spider

Barn burner

Bean blower

Beef

Beefer

Beep your horn

Belch from behind

Belching clown

Benchwarmer

Better open a window

Blast

Blast the chair

Blat

Blow mud

Blow the big brown horn

Blue dart

Blurp

Blurt

Bomber

Boom-boom

Booty bomb

Booty cough

Bottom blast

Bottom burp

Booty belch

Break the sound barrier

Break wind

Breath of fresh air

Brown cloud

Brown dart

Brown haze

Brown horn brass band

Brown thunder

Bubbler

Bull snort

BUMsen burner

Bun shaker

Bung blast

Burning rubber

Burner

Burp out the wrong end

Bust ass

Buster

Butt bazooka

Butt bleat

Butt bongos

Butt burp

Butt cheek screech

Butt dumpling

Butt percussion

Butt sneeze

Butt trauma

Butt trumpet

Butt tuba

Butt wind

Butt yodeling

Buttock bassoon

Chair air

Cheek flapper

Cheek squeak

Cheeser

Cheesin’

Colon bowlin’

Colonic Calliope

Crack a rat

Crack concert

Crack one off

Crack splitters

Crap call

Crop dusting

Crowd killer

Cut a stinker

Cut one

Cut the cheese

Death breath

Deflating

Doing the one cheek sneak

Doing the two cheek sneak

Drifter

Drop a bomb

Droppin’ stink bombs

Duck call

Eggy

Emptying the tank

Exhume the dinner corpse

Exploding bottom

Exterminator

False pooper

Fanny beep

Fanny frog

Fart (of course)

Fecal fume

Fire a Stink torpedo

Fire in the hole

Firing the retro rocket

Fizzler

Flame thrower

Flamer

Flapper

Flatulate

Flatulence

Flatus

Flipper

Float an air biscuit

Floater

Floof

Fluffer

Fluffy

Fogger

Fog horn

Fog slicer

Fowl howl

Fragrant foof

Free jacuzzi

Freep

Free speech

Frump

Fumigating

Funky roller

Gas

Gas attack

Gas blaster

Gas master

Get out and walk Donald

Ghost turd

Gluteal maximus gas a mess

Gluteal tuba

Great brown cloud

Grundle rumble

Grunt

Gurgler

Heinie hiccup

Heinous Anus

Hisser

Hole flapper

Honk

Honker

Horton hears a poo

Hot wind

Hottie

Human hydrogen bomb

HUMrrhoids

Ignition

Insane in the methane

Inverted burb

Jet power

Jet propulsion

Jockey burner

Just calling your name

Just keeping warm

Kaboomer

Killing the canary

Lay an egg

Lean mean bean machine

Let each bean be heard

Let one fly

Let one go

Let one rip

Let the beans out

Lethal cloud

Let Polly out of jail

Make a stink

Mating call

Methane bomb

Methane dart

Methane mating call

Methane pain

Mexican (food) jet propulsion

Moon gas

Mouse on a motorcycle

Mud duck

Nasty cough

Nose death

Odor bubble

Odorama

One-gun salute

One-man band

One-man brass band

One-man salute

Orchestra practice

O-ring oboe

Painting the elevator

Paint peeler

Paint stainer

Panty burp

Parp

Parper

Party in your pants

Pass gas

Pass wind

Peter

Pewie

Pip

Playing the tuba

Playing the trouser tuba

Poof

Poof-poof

Poop gas

Poop gopher

Poot

Pootsa

Pop

Pop a fluffy

Pop tart

Power puff

Puffer

Puff the Magic Dragon

Putt-putt

Quack

Quaker

Raspberry

Rattler

Rebuilding the ozone layer

Rectal honk

Rectal shout

Rectal tremor

Rectal turbulence

Release a squeaker

Release the hounds

Rip one

Ripped the cheese

Ripper

Ripple

Roar from the rear

Roast the jockeys

Room clearer

Rump ripper

Rump roar

Saluting my shorts

Scud missle

Shoot the cannon

Silent and scentless

Silent but deadly

Silly cyanide

Singe the pants/chair/etc

Skunk bait

Slider

Sphincter siren

Sphincter song

Sphincter whistle

Spitter

Split the seam

Squeaker

Squeak one out

Stale wind

Steam-press your pants

Steamer

Step on a duck

Step on a frog

Stink bomb

Stink burger

Stink it up

Stinker

Stinky

Stinkmeaner

Tail wind

Taint tickle

Thunder from down under

Thurp

Toilet tune

Toot

Toot your own horn

Tootsie

Trouser cough

Trouser trumpet

Trunk bunk

Turd tremors

Turtle burp

Tushy tickler

Uncorked one

Uncorking

Under burp

Under thunder

Venting

Vent one

Wallop

Whiff

Whoopee

Whopper

Zinger

These came from Farthub

Learning Foreign Languages And Competition

I’ve done Duo Lingo for over 1000 days in a row. It’s good for “older” people to challenge your mind, plus I get to speak and understand other than English. I get to poke the European’s in the eye a bit who claim that American’s only speak English (my wife’s family). Let’s not forget that we are a country of immigrants.

I also have a hard time not wanting to win everything I enter. I consider it a failure not to give it your 100%.

I’ve worked my way up to the diamond league and every week you compete against 29 other people. I’ve won 3 times, including last week.

I didn’t just win, I dominated my group. I had it sowed up by Thursday and just watched the others not try as I kept at it.

I have a real hard time not competing. As Vince Lombardi once said, “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”

My screen name is Italian for my real name. I studied Italian, German, Latin, French, Spanish and Klingon last week.

The New Paging Mike Hunt

At one job, one of the tech support guys spoofed the receptionist and she paged Mike Hunt across the entire warehouse. It was funny. All the guys got it, but only some of the girls.

It was childish, but it broke up the day. It also was very funny to me.

#LGB #FJB

Why Men Don’t Make Good Women – Sarcasm Style

If we had boobs, we’d spend all the time playing with them. If we were together, we’d use them as squirt guns and shoot milk at each other.

I read that only a heart attack or passing a kidney stone is as painful as giving birth. That means there would be only one generation and the population would end because we wouldn’t do it.

My Age, In Pictures

We played war in the streets, along with baseball, football and I drove those cars thousands of miles in the sandbox. We actually learned things rather than looking it up on a phone. Common sense was far more available to us than it is to the snowflakes.

The cars today are driving computers, but you can’t work on them yourself, you need to plug it in to tell you what is wrong. I miss the smooth sound of a V-12, or the deep throated sound of a V-8 in a pony car.

I’ll leave the girls alone other than it was a more genuine look, but our music was way better that what you hear today.

Covid Sarcasm – I Went To A Super Spreader Event Last Night

I was at the App State v Coastal Carolina game, probably the game of the week. There were over 31,000 super spreaders that Fauci warned us about.

I’ll report back if there is an outbreak here, but I doubt it. There have been games everywhere since August with little to no outbreaks or breakthroughs.

I guarantee you that there were both vaxxed and un-vaxxed at the game last night. Both have an equal chance at getting it like every other game we were told not to go to.

The game was won on the last play and the 14th ranked team went down in flames. The crowd spilled onto the field, certainly spreading Covid everywhere. Ha!

A good time was had by all, except Fauci, the CDC, NIH, WHO, Congress and Washington DC.

All Winning Streaks Come To An End, Matt Amodio Finally Loses On Jeopardy

After setting the second longest winning streak at 38 games with winnings of over $1.5 million, it happened last night.

Matt Amodio finally lost. You could feel it happening as he kept missing. In a way, it was almost like he wanted to end it because he wasn’t ringing in and was wrong when he did.

He was a great champion and was good for the ratings and the game.

I’ve seen all the champions win and lose. It is usually the same, a perfect storm where they answer wrong, the categories are not in their strengths and another contestant gets hot. That happened last night.

He also missed final Jeopardy after being nearly perfect for weeks.

He will be back in the Tournament of Champions. I look forward to it as he was also likeable, which sometimes they are not.

I’m sure he helped the ratings as everyone follows a streak, whether you want the person to win or lose. I pulled for him because he had a huge range of knowledge and bet big. He employed the James Holzhauer strategy of playing, something that takes big balls to do.

The people that de-throne the champions usually only last a couple of games.

I watched before Ken Jennings had the 74 game winning streak 17 years ago and I’ll watch tonight. The reason is the same, I want to get more right than the contestants.

Some Good News – Matt Amodio Ties James Holzhauer for 2nd Most Wins of All Time on Jeopardy

Matt Amodio Becomes Third Jeopardy! Player to Win $1M in ...

Almost everyone watches or has watched Jeopardy. I have for decades. It is the greatest game show ever. It is also one of the few that the Celebtards haven’t ruined yet because it doesn’t have anything to do with SJW and PC crap. I challenges your mind and memory. I love anything intellectually stimulating.

People play against the contestants from their living rooms. It happens without trying. You want to know how smart you are. There are a lot of strategies and when you think you know them, someone comes up with a new one, like James Holzhauer. I regularly beat the players, but I’m also good on the practice range in golf.

Every once in a while, someone goes on a run. Ken Jennings did 74 games in a row in the 2000’s. A couple of years ago, Holzhauer ran off 32 games and the top money scores of all times except for Jennings. He was about to overtake Ken in less than half the games due to his aggressive betting and incredible knowledge. He was a breath of fresh air. He turned the game upside down by going for the big money clues first, hunting for the Double Jeopardy clues and a willingness to risk a lot.

Last night, Matt Amodio, Ph.D student from Connecticut tied Holzhauer at 32 games in a row and is over a million dollars in winnings, the 3rd most (not counting tournaments of champions, Brad Rutter holds that record).

Tonight, October 1st, Matt could go into 2nd all time for games won. Nothing against James, but I want to see him keep winning.

Everyone loves a streak. In the movie Bull Durham, Kevin Costner told meat “a player on a streak has to respect the streak”. It becomes almost superstitious in baseball and I wonder how it will go for Matt.

It makes for great entertainment. It is the main reason we turn to sports or shows. Back to celebtards and sportstards, they ruin things like the NFL, NBA, WNBA, MBA and most movies and shows with PC crap.

The Jeopardy streak is about intellect, strategy and a little luck.

What is great about Matt is that he is a nice guy. He is respectful to the players past and present and keeps winning. He never says stupid things like “let’s make it a true daily double”. Instead, he bets everything in the Jeopardy round by saying his earnings. His knowledge and intellect is impressive.

He also says What’s (the question) instead of who when it is a person. I like that he has his own style. He has a great poker face on Final Jeopardy and you never know if he’s answered it correctly until it’s revealed. He currently is over 92% right on Final Jeopardy.

The reason I never could be on is that I am only about 30% on Final Jeopardy.

His betting has become aggressive like Holzhauer. I love big bets. It makes the game far more exciting. It separates champions from players or one or two day wonders.

The only regret I have is that Alex Trebeck isn’t there to share it. He made the game what it is.

Trebeck noted the different things about players and that champions are far more willing to bet big.

Sooner or later the streak will be over. It has been a great run. It usually happens when the champion misses a big bet and someone else gets lucky. That victor rarely lasts more than a couple of days. That is the luck part of the show. It’s usually bad luck that ends a streak.

My Childhood Was Awesome, Part 2

I played endless paper football between and before class in middle school. We had benches and tables that were perfect.

I could kick the way the picture is above and from one of the sides (where the fold is)

I could make a paper football today, after not making one for decades because I’ve made so many.

It was real life video games for us back then.

I also pitched quarters, but I hated losing money, why gambling was never one of my vices.

Apparently, The Era Of Fake Boobs Is Over

Image

I see this as a good thing. Store bought boobs never really looked that great. You can always tell, clothed or not. They even feel wrong.

Here’s the deal. Everyone, especially straight guys will look at any boobs. If there is about to be a fight and some girl takes off her top, the fight stops.

In reality, girls tell me they dress up for other girls. Guys don’t care that much. There is a joke that we’d be happier if you showed up naked with a 6 pack. We’re just happy to have some boobs around.

I’ve talked to girls about them and even they like boobs. They may judge each other and must have some reason like insecurity or to show off to get augmented, but that is a personal decision.

I am happy for those who get re-construction after a mastectomy, but that is not what store bought fake boobs when you have perfectly good ones is about.

Finally, here are songs that tells you we like them no matter what shape, size or age they are.

Regarding Monday Mornings

I swear I wrote this in my journal this morning. I was grateful that I got rid of that ball and chain a long time ago. I busted ass for a long time to be in this position and it is worth it, I Gar-un-tee it!

Sure I’m older now and don’t have as many years left, but Sunday night doesn’t suck as much knowing that if it’s a bad one, I don’t have to hate the next 24 hours.

When I watched the NFL before it went woke, I used to go to Monday Night Football and get home late and not sober. How I made it to work the next day and was able to get through it is beyond me now. I guess I was young and it didn’t affect me like it does now, even though I gave up all my bad habits.

Just not being able to sleep, which happens a lot now can ruin the next day.

I think I’m better off older.