Eating Alone As An Introvert

This will seem matter of fact for those who are introverts because it’s as normal as waking up. I thought that I’d write down the journey that I took to discover this pleasure.

Before I knew I was introverted (although I suspected it) I was traveling for business in the IT industry. My job rarely required a team so I found myself traveling alone a lot. While there was some sense of anticipation before the trip (that I’d learn to loathe), the return home was a recover trip from the people I had to deal with either in groups or one on one.

Inevitably, this would find me in an airport lounge/restaurant or a hotel before or after my business meeting with no one else in town. I’d already flown for hours while reading a book (before movies on flights and well before wifi), so dinner was just an extension of that.

I suppose I could have sought out others, but it was simpler and easier to eat and go back to preparing for my meeting or whatever the agenda was the next day. The people I was meeting usually lived in the city I was visiting so they had families. Once business was done, I had wrapped up any further association in my mind. If I had multiple meetings, I needed to plan for the next day so it was dinner alone usually.

I love to read and books have been my best friend before video games or electronic distractions on trips (and still are). I’d get lost on a spy novel and was identifying as the protagonist by mid flight on my way out of town. I was imagining myself as Edward X. Delaney, Jason Bourne or Mitch Rapp depending on the decade

To continue reading while eating seemed normal to me. I didn’t know it wasn’t, until people I worked with thought it was odd for me to order a table for one. Some of them refused to eat if they had to do it alone, but I wanted to eat and to not be bothered by conversation that was just banter. I could also be finished on my schedule rather than putting up with someone else’s agenda.

By now, I’d realized that if I ate alone, I didn’t have to mess with others during or afterwards. It started to become a pattern for me.

I also worked on the trade show tour, meaning you’d have to spend a week with people you never associated with back in your home city. It seemed obvious to me that I didn’t really want to eat with them, although protocol forced me to at times.

Since trade shows tended to be in towns with night life, like Las Vegas, at the end of the day the extroverts couldn’t wait to rev up to some drinking, gambling and other cavorting. I’ll get to that later.

As I transitioned to Analyst Relations, there were conferences that resembled the structure of a trade show. Work all day together and then be stuck in a city not home to anyone and most gravitated to socializing including eating together.

DRINKING

Alcohol is the grease in the gears of socializing. It turns introverts into extroverts if only even for a night. I did imbibe early in my career, but life decisions caused me to stop. It changed my socializing as dramatically as that decision.

I’d also gotten married by then and saw first hand the shenanigans that went on during travel. Almost 100% was fueled by drinking and nothing would have happened sober. So I looked at this as just another opportunity to be alone.

LET’S GO OUT!

At the end of the day in trade shows, in fact before the end of the day the topic of conversation was what bar, party, other place (strip club for some) they would all go to. While still a reader and having my social battery worn down by the end of the day (and knowing I’d have to face these people the next day(s)), I had to think of an escape to be alone. It of course was to recharge and to get away from people if only for a short time.

My counter offer was who wants to work out. I’d wait until they were neck deep in wanting to order their first drink so I knew full well I’d be rebuffed. Never once did anyone take me up on it. By then, my goal was to eat alone, not to accidentally wind up that way.

Now, even though I’m retired, I actively try to eat alone on travel, but also at home. I enjoy the nightly meal with the family left in my house, but I’m still as happy to read while eating. It doesn’t seem strange to me, but my extrovert friends and family don’t and never will get it.

Things I’ve learned.

1. It’s just fine to eat alone. Don’t be shamed into thinking there is anything wrong with it. Just like some people have to small talk or have company, others prefer the opposite.
2. You are never alone if you have a book. Surfing the web is quick and random. A book draws you out and can take time to develop the characters and affect your emotions.
3. If you learn to be ok by yourself, life will be a lot easier to manage.