1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Blaming your farts on me…not funny.
3. Yelling at me for barking…I’M A FRIGGIN’ DOG!! I’M SUPPOSED TO

BARK!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything

while you’re gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little

like cat butt?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly

who’s walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose…stop it.
7. Yelling at me for dragging my butt on your carpet. Why’d you buy

carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I

haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth,

you’re just jealous.

1. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?.
2. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew

your stuff up when you’re not home.

2. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far

behind schedule that puts me?

3. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip”, then acting surprised when I

freak out every time we go back.

4. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud

moment for the top of the food chain!

5. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us?