socializing

Introvert Confidence

/ John / Leave a comment

There is nothing better than when people cancel plans on me, even if I wanted to do something as I usually can do it alone anyway.

The more I think about it, the less I want any more people in my life wanting to do stuff together. At this point I’d rather just not have to deal with them.

Here is the kicker. I stopped caring if people liked me in high school. Once I learned that lesson, life is much less complicated. If they talk bad about me, I just kill them off figuratively in my Autobiography. Not all characters survive in stories. Very few do in mine.

Going Out Or Staying In – The Introvert Dilemma

/ John / Leave a comment

I was reading a few years back and saw this gem. It was around Christmas time of year and I was fatiguing from the festivities.

For me, that is one of the worst times of the year. The fake happy from people who’s true nature I know is difficult to take. I see it anywhere I go

As I thought about it, I realized that it is so true. It’s really why I don’t go to many social events, especially Christmas parties.

I got tired of pretending to be social and/or having a good time, all they while wishing I could leave. Hell, I usually plan leaving before I go.

Most socials are like fakebook posts. Tell as much as you can about yourself to get likes.

Conversation should be about asking others about them and what is important that they would like to talk about. What I watch is people waiting for a response so that they can talk again. I don’t even try and a lot of time. I’ll just see how long people will talk about themselves and see if I can not say anything. They rarely notice. I won’t offer any information unless I think someone truly cares, but that’s only if I had to go and I’ve already got my exit plan in place.

Mauerbauertraurigheit – Pulling Away From Groups or Others; An Introvert Issue That Others Should Respect

/ John / Leave a comment

Here’s the definition.

Mauerbauertraurigkeit (n.) – the inexplicable urge to push people away.


This doozy of a word may add an extra dimension to our socially exhausted state. Mauerbauertraurigkeit means:
“The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like — as if all your social taste buds suddenly went numb, leaving you unable to distinguish cheap politeness from the taste of genuine affection, unable to recognize its rich and ambiguous flavors, its long and delicate maturation, or the simple fact that each tasting is double-blind.”

I’m not sure if this is a true psychological condition that is being taught or is proven like the Theory of General Relativity, but I know it is true.

Recently, it happened to me and I pulled out of some things I was doing. Partly it was Covid and partly it was Mauerbauertraurigkeit. There were different reasons, but remember I’m a patterns in life guy. I notice when it happens.

It’s happened to me all my life. I can’t stay with a group for much more than a couple of years. It depends on how obsessed I am with what I’m doing as to how much I’ll put up with before I have to go. I was socially and emotionally exhausted and my will just forced me away. It was if I was watching what was happening and couldn’t (and didn’t want to) stop it.

As it turns out, all the groups I left were for a good reason and were the right decisions in aftermath, but at the time I was socially overwhelmed. The realization that I was free from the social obligations that kill me inside, little by little was blissfully comforting.

Normally, Covid would have been a problem as I wouldn’t have to go to groups I didn’t want to. Unfortunately, they invented Zoom and those of us who actually need body language to read people can’t.

Fortunately, I live a whole different life in my head as do most Introverts so I go there many times during Zoom. If I’m on mute, I probably muted not thinking about what was on the call.

I will say this, most extroverts are not polite about this and want to include you on all of their tedious activities, and want to know why you don’t want to do everything with everybody. They literally force me away because they want to be all up into my stuff. I suffered at work from this until I found ways to get out of social activities.

The answer and I guess the moral is when I’ve had enough, either for the day or for life, I have to get away and I can’t help it. I leave and never come back usually.

I can’t be alone on this. A lot of people are overwhelmed socially.

I imagine some people think they were ghosted, when in fact the person couldn’t help themself from pulling away.

On Being Alone, Be A Rebel About It – Introvert Stuff

/ John / Leave a comment

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do stuff with others. I like them, but my ability to want to hang with people grows shorter every day.

Just leave me alone. I promise I’ll leave you alone.

If I want to talk, I promise you’ll know. If I want to know something from you, I’ll ask.

I enjoy being alone more than with crowds. I’ve had a lifetime full of that and have never felt the need to be a part of one. That includes standing in lines for something (like Disney) or wanting to be accepted in someone’s social circle (that has stupid clique rules).

A year or so ago, I opted out of a neighborhood birthday party because I couldn’t go home early or take another car. I drove for 3.5 hours to a vacation home while they thought I was getting the house fixed. I knew it wasn’t going to happen that trip, but that’s how far I’ll go to not have to go to a social event where I know no one.

No one missed me and I didn’t have to go. I enjoyed my days off and we all were happy.

FWIW, my name is John, and I don’t give a fuck.