This is a common reflex in modern life—convincing ourselves that we are sick instead of reacting to something. It’s not your diet or lack of exercise; it’s depression. It’s not trauma from sexual assault; it’s BPD. It’s not the insane intensity of modern life; it’s ADHD. Honestly it’s bizarre how many of these are you anxiously attached?

I’ll post an excerpt from the rest of the story, but this is the same stuff the rest of us went through in life and we learned to deal with it. Stop blaming others and realize that not everything works out. You should feel lucky that it doesn’t. Thank God I’m not stuck with the list of people that turned out to be losers in my past. I’m grateful I don’t have to put up with their crap.

Grow up and learn to live your life instead of the last 5 seconds.

They need to stop giving these girls another thing to obsess over and let them live normal lives. Here’s my advice, stay off of social media and watch how fast you get better.

Here’s the rest, if you dare/care.

This is the relevant quote: That attachment theory can sometimes mask real problems and, like much else in modern life, encourage women to go inwards too much and obsessively self-scrutinise.

Lately it feels as if everything depends on me figuring out my attachment style. If I want professional success I need to recognise my childhood patterns and reparent myself. If I want to maintain friendships I first have to heal my inner child. And for any chance of a successful relationship I need to prioritise processing my trauma and assessing our attachment styles.

Attachment theory is very popular among Gen Z. The theory dates back to the 1950s, based on research by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Ainsworth identified three main attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant, after assessing children’s responses to separation and reunion with their caregivers. Generally, those with anxious attachment tend to be needy and seek reassurance, avoidants are more distant and independent, while secures are confident and comfortable.

Since then it’s become popular to apply attachment theory to adult relationships—especially online. There’s the #attachmenttheory TikToks with over 300 million views. There’s every kind of attachment quiz you could conceive of (“Your Attachment Style Is Based On Harry Potter Characters”!) As well as attachment therapists, attachment podcasts, dating apps based on attachment styles, even Little Miss Anxious Attachment T-shirts. But most concerning to me are the online forums. Forums filling up with what seems like mostly young women ruminating about their relationships and analysing how anxious they are.

The more popular this gets, the more I’m starting to see problems with it. My main worry is that we might be deceiving ourselves.