How Did I Ever Survive Growing Up Doing This?

I look at the time out generation and think what a bunch of pussies they are. In reality, it is the parents fault.

I remember getting caught on a coral cliff at the beach and yelling for my Mom. She told me you got up there, you get yourself down. I got down and didn’t try that again.

These are the same complainers and cancel culture morons ruining our lives. They never had to grow up.

They complain on social media now and think someone cares.

Stuff Only Older Guys Will Recognize

I built a million of these things. It was cars, planes, engines and more cars. I got model glue on everything.

Actually, I’m surprised that my brain isn’t mush from all the glue. This was before people were sniffing it to get high.

Most of the fun is in the building, then you just look at them until you built another.

I learned more about how to build an engine and how things work than today’s mush heads, who are killing monsters or shooting anything that moves.

I now see that I was alone for hours when building these guys. It is a trait that I recognize for life and embrace.

What Is Wrong With Today’s Kids? What Did We Do Differently?

I’m not sure if we should blame the parents or the kids. These are time out kids, not fear of God ass whooping that kept us in line and for most of us kept us on the straight and narrow later in life.

I’m not for spanking kids here so save the hate. I am for proper discipline and letting kids grow up as kids without mind numbing drugs they give the boys.

There are a lot of comparisons and finger pointing that anyone can make here so I’ll delete the comments by jerks.

I rode in the back of a pickup in a lawn chair on the way to the beach because it was a 2 person truck with 3 people going. At 9 in the morning, someone ran up and handed me a beer to which all the nearby cars were honking in approval.

I made it to the beach safely and returned with a lot fewer IQ points due to the alcohol.

Mask Follies – When Covid Kids Go Back To School (Humor)

Local school board is deciding whether or not to make kids wear masks at school. Here is what will happen.

Here’s how I think requiring masks might work in elementary.

Please don’t snap Billy’s mask in his face.

Your mask is not a necklace, bracelet, or any other form of jewelry.

You should not be using your mask as a slingshot. Please put it back on your face.

Please do not chew on your mask.

Your mask should be on your face, not on the back of your head

I’m sorry your mask is wet, but that’s what happens when you lick the inside of it.

I’m sorry you sneezed. Here’s a tissue. Wipe out the snot as well as you can.

No, you may not blow your nose in your mask.

Why is your mask soaking wet? You just came back from the bathroom?

And you put it back on your face after you dropped it?

I’m sorry you broke the elastic on your mask by seeing how far the band would stretch. Now you’ll have to hold the mask on your face … or use this duct tape.

Please take the mask off your eyes and watch where you’re walking. I don’t care if you have X-ray vision.

Please take the mask off of your pencil and stop twirling it.

I know the mask fits over your pants like a knee pad, but please take it off of your leg and put it on your face.

What do you mean you tried to eat your lunch through your mask?

Please don’t share your mask or trade masks. I don’t care if you like Ingrid’s mask better than yours.

I’m sorry, but your mask is not school appropriate.

We’re not comparing our masks to other kids’ masks… everyone’s mask is unique and special.

No, you may not decorate your mask instead of doing your work. I don’t care if you have a Sharpie.

You’re not a pirate, please take your mask off your eye.

Try to get the gum off as much as you can.

Please don’t use your mask to pick your nose.

I’m sorry you tripped, but that’s what happens when you put your feet inside the elastic of your mask.

No, your mask doesn’t make it hard to get your work done.

Your Mom will need to get you a new mask since you chewed a hole in that one.

Why is there a shoe print on your mask?

No, you cannot eat the snow through your mask.

I don’t care if you were in art class and being creative; we do not decorate our masks.

We do not beam other kids in the face with balls. No, their masks don’t make it not hurt.

Please don’t plug your nose holes with your mask.

Who’s making that noise?

I’m sorry your ponytail is stuck, that’s what happens when you see how many times you can wrap it around your mask.

I’m sorry to tell you, but your child thought her mask made her a superhero. She tried to fly off the jungle gym at recess …

I’m sorry your breath stinks in your mask, maybe we should all try to brush better.

Please take those cookies out of your mask. No, you are not a chipmunk.

How To Talk To Generation Z Using Their Dictionary

Have you ever wondered what the f&*% the kids are talking about lately?  Do you parents want to decode your kids texts?

Below is the Generation Z dictionary distributed by a Mr. Callahan so I point to him if any Gen Z’ers have a problem with it.

 

When thinking about this, I’m sure every generation trashes the previous by describing them as not as learned and their improper use of grammar.  I’m also pretty confident that Shakespeare is rolling in his grave as he probably has done for each generation after him.

I’ve put some screenshots below and full link to the dictionary in PDF form to download.

What I fear is these people will be making decisions about my generation in a few years.

To fully honor this generation, I purposely didn’t put it in alphabetical order just to mess with them.

Generation Z Dictionary Link

6th Grade History Provides Insight Into The Mind of 6th Graders

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.

 

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

 

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

 

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

 

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

 

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

 

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

 

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

 

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

 

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

 

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

 

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

 

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

 

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

 

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

 

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

 

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

 

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

Why Are Your Kids Picky Eaters?

Probably because the parents let them be that way.  Fighting the good fight to be a responsible parent means that you are not trying to be their friend, rather you are trying to prepare them for life.

Part of this preparation is to be able to eat whatever is put in front of them.  You never know when they will be in a new situation, new country or perhaps in survivalist mode.

Nevertheless, here are the top reasons as given by a MD:

1. Parents are afraid to say no. It’s not just that they don’t want to create an ice cream binger. It’s also that feeding our children is a way to nurture them and show our love. It is so tempting to give them treats like French toast or chocolate chip cookies just to see their joyful faces, especially if that was one of the ways our own parents showed their love. The question is, can we break this cycle and express our love with healthy foods?

2. Parents think it’s okay for kids to eat junk food in moderation. Even though parents themselves might not indulge, we are told kids can eat it “in moderation.” But what exactly is “moderation”? Once a week? Once a day? What would be a moderate amount of a chemical like artificial color, which some studies have linked to hyperactivity? Perhaps we are lulled into thinking kids have years to go before they have to worry about calories or fat. But the truth is that even babies have been found to have the early stages of plaque in their arteries, childhood obesity is considered an epidemic, and type 2 diabetes, once only an adult disease, is now all too common in children.

3. Doctors recommend it and schools provide it. Many of our pediatricians tell us we are supposed to feed our kids Cheerios® starting at 10 months old so they can work on their pincer grasp, never mind that the cereal is highly processed and full of simple carbohydrates which quickly turn into sugar in the body. Besides, anyone with kids knows they fine tune their pincer grasp by picking up the tiniest specks of dirt off the floor and skillfully putting them in their mouths. In addition to the doctor’s office, the other surprising place kids get exposed to unhealthy foods is school. It begins with the Mommy and Me groups, where children are handed Goldfish crackers to snack on, despite that they are high in sodium and simple carbohydrates; or, worse, Graham Crackers, which are nothing more than cookies hiding out in a box labeled “crackers,” along side apple juice, another hefty serving of sugar. By preschool my kids were served cookies or cupcakes, often with bright pink or blue frosting, at least once a week to celebrate a birthday or holiday.

4. It is appealingly easy to make a ready made meal we know our kids will eat. “Nuking” chicken nuggets that have been scientifically formulated to please the little ones or boiling up pasta takes a lot less energy than standing in the kitchen for an hour or two to make a meal. Understandably, after working all day inside the home or out, that may not be so enticing, especially in our over-scheduled, highly intense culture, where spending hours in the kitchen is no longer considered time well spent.

Whatever the cause, the question is, what to do now? Whether you have a clean slate with an infant or are trying to change directions with an older child, here are some suggestions.

1. Make sure your children are really hungry for dinner (or whatever meal you are serving). So, for example, don’t allow them to have any sweets or too much bread after school. If it is two or three hours before meal time, provide only fruits and vegetables if they are hungry.

2. Only keep food in your home that you want them to eat. “Sorry, we don’t have any Oreos” is so much easier than “Sorry, you can’t have any Oreos.”

3. Let them be involved with some aspect of food prep. My son once found some kid-friendly recipes online and became totally enthused about making and eating ants-on-a-log (nut butter and raisins on celery). Or, with your careful oversight, let them cut up or peel some veggies, or even just turn on the blender. It only takes me twice as long when my kids help me make a recipe, but it’s worth it (usually!) because they are so much more interested in tasting what they made.

4. If you can sit down to eat together, do it. Kids are so affected by what they see their parents and each other eat. Mind you, I haven’t had a relaxing dinner in the three years since we started eating with our kids, but I remain optimistic that one day soon it will happen.

5. Don’t push kids to eat something if they really don’t want to. When my daughter, the pickiest eater in the family, was younger and would balk at the lentils and brown rice I’d cooked for dinner, I would have easy, healthy back-up options available that I knew she liked, such as a handful of pistachios or whole grain crackers and hummus. Eventually, whether it was that she was bored of the back-up foods or inspired by seeing everyone else eat the lentils and rice, she started eating it, too.

6. Your child may need to try a new food 10-15 times before he is willing to eat it. That’s how it was with my daughter and vegetarian chili. Now she eats it, more or less happily, as long as I pick out the carrots and onions before I serve it to her!

7. Feed your children the same food you eat. This is particularly helpful if your children are fairly new to eating solids. As long as your children can chew the food, there is no reason their menu at home and restaurants should look any different than yours. That way they will have the opportunity to experience the textures and colors of ‘real’ food and not become partial to the soft, white food kids are usually offered.

8.Your children are smart! Talk to them. Explain why you are making the changes you are making — that you love them and are concerned about their teeth and their bodies. You want them to grow up to be healthy and feel well. They may not like the changes, but understanding them should help.

9. Don’t underestimate your kids. My oldest just had his 8th birthday with 14 friends, most of whom eat standard American fare. Although he convinced me to serve regular pizza (I had resisted for many birthdays), I put out piles of grapes, sliced apples and cucumbers all along the table instead of chips. By the end of the party, almost all were gone. I considered the victory to be mine!