Tag: humor

Pun Day

1.   The fattest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference.   He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.   I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.   It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.  

3.   She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.   

4.   A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,   because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.   No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.   

6.   A dog gave birth to puppies near the road .. . . and was cited for littering.   

7.   A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.   Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

9.   A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.   The police are looking into it.   

10.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

11.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.   

12.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the  hallway.  One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ 

13.   I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.    Then it hit me.     

14.   A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said:  ‘Keep off the Grass.’   

15.   The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.  

16.   The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.  

17.   A backward poet writes inverse.   

18.   In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.   In feudalism it’s your count that votes.   

19.   When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.  

20.   If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21.   A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’   

22.   Two fish swim into a concrete wall.    One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’         

23.   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.   Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.  

24.   Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’   The other says ‘Are you sure?’   The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’   

25.   Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?   His goal:  transcend dental medication.  

26.   There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,   with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.   No pun in ten did.

Best Of Stuff You See At Walmart – Part 1

Before I retire Walmart for good, I thought I’d share the fun one last time:

Things You See At Walmart

Things You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

‘Both My Boobs Are Out’: California Mom Says Airline Attendant ‘Violated’ Her Mid-Flight

This is a story where the content doesn’t come close to matching the headline the way you think it would.

A California woman alleged a British Airways flight attendant lifted her nursing cover without permission and exposed her breasts while she breastfed her infant during a flight, according to a report.

Shayanne Wright, Costa Mesa city commissioner and business owner, said she requested her meal be delayed while she nursed her infant to sleep, Fox Business reported. Crew members allegedly refused. Wright claimed the flight attendant tapped her thigh repeatedly during meal service.

“I stuck my hand out to wave him away,” she alleged, saying she felt “violated.” “Then, without asking, he lifts the nursing cover up completely. It wakes her up. Both my boobs are out. And he doesn’t even apologize. He goes, ‘Do you want your meal?’”

The California mother claimed there were additional physical contact she deemed inappropriate such as leg touches and unsolicited attempts to buckle her seatbelt, the outlet reported. The woman said she characterized the alleged acts as sexual harassment to the airline.

story

Try Making SNL Funny, That Might Work – Or Less Biased

I was around for the first seasons of SNL. Sure, I suffered through the bumble bees, but I got to see Chee-Burger, Samurai Chef, Bass-o-matic and Lord and Lady Douchebag.

NBC’s Saturday Night Live is preparing for what its creator and longtime producer Lorne Michaels described as a “significant shake-up” in the cast ahead of the launch of its 51st season this fall.

In an interview with Matthew Belloni of Puck, Michaels, 80, said decisions on which performers would remain on the sketch show will be finalized “in a week or so.”

While he did not name specific individuals, he confirmed that “several current cast members are expected to exit” before the season premiere on October 4.

When asked whether he intended to make changes ahead of the new season, Michaels responded simply: “Yes.”

He added that the announcement on cast adjustments will come shortly before production resumes.

The show enters its new season following the departure of cast members Punkie Johnson and Molly Kearney, who confirmed in early August that they would not return.

The current roster includes 17 players, with notable figures such as Colin Jost, Bowen Yang, and Kenan Thompson among the best-known names.

story

TOTAL CHAOS AT SEA: Massive BRAWL Erupts on Carnival Cruise Ship Over ‘CHICKEN TENDERS’ (VIDEO)

It’s been said that if a whole cruise ship sank, no one of importance would ever do (excepting the Titanic which had everyone against creating the Fed on board).

To me, it is a discount vacation for losers. In a way, it’s like fishing on a party boat. They blow the horn, lines out. The next horn, lines in. They let the cruisers go only as far as they can go when in port for a couple of hours to get their T-shirt or shell.

It seems one set of people seems to frequently ruin it for others. It’s a pattern.

A Carnival cruise ship turned into a floating fight club after a late-night brawl erupted among passengers reportedly over ‘chicken tenders.’

According to the New York Post, the melee erupted in the ship’s dining area around 2 a.m. Monday, the final day of its voyage back to Miami, when a dispute spiraled out of control and involved about two dozen passengers.

Video footage, which has since gone viral, shows a chaotic scene of several young cruisers throwing wild punches, knocking each other to the ground.

The confusion mirrors eyewitness accounts of shoes, phones, and personal items flying as the violence intensified.

Security eventually tried to intervene, but one guard could be seen running away and reaching for his radio instead of jumping into the fray.

A mob of passengers can be seen pressed against a wooden partition, trading punches while others climb up to record the chaos on their phones. A woman in a red dress stands on the divider filming, while security guards tentatively step in — one even running away instead of intervening directly. (Credit: Mike Terra/Facebook)

Click here to see the fight. It’s a pretty good one also

Murphy’s Technology Laws

Here is another version of the Murphy’s Laws from yesterday.

I don’t really know if they are from Murphy, but you get the point.

  • Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  • Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
  • Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
  • If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
  • The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
  • Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. great discoveries are made by mistake.
  • Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
  • Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
  • All’s well that ends.
  • A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
  • The first myth of management is that it exists.
  • A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
  • New systems generate new problems.
  • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
  • We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
  • Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Arthur C. Clark
  • A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
  • Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
  • Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.
  • The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
  • To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
  • After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
  • Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
  • A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
  • If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  • Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”
  • Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it darn well pleases.
  • If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
  • The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
  • In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
  • Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
  • All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
  • The only perfect science is hind-sight.
  • Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
  • If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
  • If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • Everything that goes up must come down.
  • Corollary: Not always
  • Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
  • Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
  • The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
  • A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
  • There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
  • The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
  • If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you:

1. no longer need it
2. are in the middle of something else
3. don’t want it to be fixed, because you really don’t want to do what you were supposed to do

A Complete List of Murphy’s Laws

Note: This was first printed in 2019 but I keep getting requests for it, so here you go.

  • If anything can go wrong it will at the most inopportune time.
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong (or the one to go wrong first).
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. (Also known as the “Peter Principle”)
  • Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
  • After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
  • The best golf shots happen when you are alone (and the worst when playing with someone you want to impress).
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of one’s actions.
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Of course you can go to the Murphy’s Law site and see all of this there.

Murphy’s laws

  • If anything can go wrong, it will
    Corollary: It can
    Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds
    Corollary: It should
    MacGillicuddy’s Corollary: At the most inopportune time
    Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson
    Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
    Extension sent by 
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
    Extreme version:
    If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
    Extreme version sent by 
  • If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
  • If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
    Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
    Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
  • Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
    Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
    Corollary sent by Dave M.
  • Mother nature is a bitch
    Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
    Addendum sent by 
  • Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
    Things get worse under pressure.
  • The Murphy Philosophy
    Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
  • Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws
    Everything goes wrong all at once.
  • Murphy’s Constant
    Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
  • Murphy’s Law of Research
    Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
  • Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
    Sent by Tony ’68
  • Addition to Murphy’s Laws
    In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right … something is wrong.
  • More Laws
  • Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
  • It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
    Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
  • Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  • Everything takes longer than you think.
  • Everything takes longer than it takes.
    Sent by Jon Carpenter
  • If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  • Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
  • Every solution breeds new problems.
  • The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
  • no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy’s law will take effect and screw it up.
    Sent by Mitch
  • You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
    Sent by Paul Breen
  • The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
  • A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
  • A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
  • If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
  • A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
  • If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
  • If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.
  • More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
    Sent by Ralph
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • If your looking for more than one thing, you’ll find the most important one last.
    Sent by Alegna
  • It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
    Sent by Peter
  • After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
    Sent by Dizzy
  • You have to look where you lost it.
    Sent by ClaytonPrc@aol.com
  • No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
  • Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
  • If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
  • If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  • Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
  • There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
  • When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
  • Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
  • Murphy’s golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
  • A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  • In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • No good deed goes unpunished.
    Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks “who wrote that?”.
    Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain.
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
    Sent by Woody.
  • Erma Bombeck
    “Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
    Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.
  • Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
    The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
    the worse you know when this will happen,
    and vice-versa.
    and Relativistic correction of Murphy’s law:
    Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
    Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
    Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
    Were sent by Simone Penzavalle.
  • If you want something bad enough, chances are you won’t get it.
  • If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
  • When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
  • Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
  • Remember the “Boomer-rang” effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
  • If you re-act to actions, you’ve acted on actions.
  • He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
    The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,
    Thank you.
  • Any time you put an item in a “safe place”, it will never be seen again.
  • Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
  • The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
  • No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
    (getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
  • The fish are always biting….yesterday!
  • You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
    Sent by Sean Murphy
  • The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
  • Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
  • The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
    EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,
    Thank you.
  • When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
    Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason
    Or in another version
    The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
    Sent by Steve
  • Cole’s Law:
    Thinly sliced cabbage.
    Sent by Michael
  • Being dead right, won’t make you any less dead.
    and
    Having the right of way, won’t make you any less dead.
    Sent by anonymous
  • Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.
  • Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don’t want to do it.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
    The four last laws were sent by Joe
  • Crespins law of observation:
    the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
    Sent by R. Crespin esq.
  • If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
    Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway.
  • A knowledge of Murphy’s Law is no help in any situation.
  • If you apply Murphy’s Law, it will no longer be applicable.
  • If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
  • no matter where I go, there I am
    Sent by John Davenport
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
    Sent by Woody
  • Murphy’s Law Current Revision
    Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
    You just haven’t been notified.
  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” but “That’s funny…”
    Said by Isaac Asimov
  • A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his “Gamble’s Law” which says that “The letter box is always on the other side of the road”
  • If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
  • If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
    Sent by Timothy Boilard
  • Waxman’s Law:
    Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
    Last two laws were sent by Del Ross
  • Skarstad’s Observation
    You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
    Sent by Gayle
  • If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
    Sent by Greg
  • all good things come to those who wait…
    but , don’t wait too long or they will pass you by…
    like 2 ships that pass in the night…
    never again to return that same exact site.
    Sent by Jujuakita
  • If anything was worth doing, it would’ve already been done.
    Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
    Sent by D-D-D-Dave
  • You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water
    Sent by John
  • Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
    Sent by anonymous
  • Long’s Law
    Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
    Sent by Chris Moore
  • McFalls’ Maxim
    No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
    Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you’re still screwed.
    Sent by Oliver McFalls
  • Hunter’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:
    Things always go from bad to worse.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Beauty:
    Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Experts:
    An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Sugarcoating:
    All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
  • Hunter’s Observation on hypocrites:
    A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Education and Oz:
    “We can give you a diploma, but we can’t give you a brain.”
    The last six laws were sent by Hunter
  • Sgt. Murphy’s Law
    Don’t get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
    Sent by Bird Waring
  • The Law of Stupid Tricks
    Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
    Sent by Zenjive
  • Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
    Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you’ll have.
    Sent by Magycke
  • Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
    Sent by Mike
  • Things are never as good as they are bad.
    Sent by Scott Miller
  • Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.
    Sent by Regards Walter citing Terry Pratchett
  • The Wingwalker’s Rule:
    Don’t let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
    Sent by D. Kinloch.
  • A bird in the hand is messy.
    Sent by Ted Machler
  • The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
    Sent by Jenny Pitt
  • When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
    Sent by Pieter
  • If Murphy’s law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic – Steven Wright
    Sent by Deke
  • If Murphy’s Law can go wrong it will.
    Sent by Mark
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come…
    Sent by Yaron Budowski
  • If at first you don’t succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
    Sent by Damien Hope
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
    If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town….
    Sent by Sharon Murphy
  • If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
    Sent by Jeronimo
  • Warneke Law
    You cannot force Murphy’s Law to happen and you can’t use it in reverse.
    Sent by Warneke
  • When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
    Sent by mark peacock
  • Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
    Think about it, complete the circle.
    Sent by Sam Diggly who’s dad told her this law after she got married.
  • It takes forever to learn the rules and once you’ve learned them they change again.
    Sent by Tracey Goldstein
  • The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
    the pessimist fears this is true.
    Sent by what’d ya say?
  • You will find an easy way to do it, after you’ve finished doing it.
    Sent by Conan Rock
  • Hofstadter’s Law:
    It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
    Sent by Ben Jones
  • In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it’s as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.
    Sent by Lois Weiner
  • The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
    Sent by G B
  • Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
  • The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
    Sent by Keith Hipkins
  • Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
    Sent by Bryan Ortiz
  • Window polishing:
    It’s always on the other side.
    Sent by Jakob Sultan
  • Hall’s Law:
    Anyone who isn’t paranoid simply isn’t paying attention.
    Sent by Colin
  • (Another) Hall’s Law
    Minor problem isn’t.
    Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall
  • A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
  • If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you’ll push it to that distance.
    The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones
  • If it looks good,
    And it taste good,
    And it feels good,
    There has got to be something wrong some where,
    So be careful.
    Sent by Shirley Cameron
  • Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
    Sent by Robert Dion
  • The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
    Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com
  • No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
  • Behind every little problem there’s a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
    The last two laws were sent by Robert K White
  • When you really need something, its either not available, or can’t be found.  When you don’t need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
    Sent by Robert Van Sile
  • Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
    Sent by Jeff S
  • Law of Conservation of Filth:
    In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
    Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
    It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
    Sent by Scott Tietjen,  AKA, “Great Scott”
  • The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
    Sent by Larry
  • Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
    Sent by G Martin
  • Gumperson’s Law:
    The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
    Sent by Ken Kaplan
  • Uffelman’s Razor:
    [Given Murphy’s law, …] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
    Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman’s Razor:
    Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.

    • Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to “fake” the Apollo moon landing.
      Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the “evidence” of the “faked” landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.
    • Example 2: The Warren Report.
      Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts.

    copyright 1995, 2002. David G. Uffelman

  • Probability law:
    Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
    Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won’t happen.
    Sent by Sylvain Galibert
  • Common Sense Is Not So Common
  • Power Is Taken… Not Given
    Sent by John  Burke
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right. It usually takes three or four.
  • If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
    The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites
  • When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
    Sent by Rivers
  • Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
    Solon, ancient Greece
    Sent by Red
  • key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
    Sent by Divya
  • The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
    Sent by Ross Henderson
    and another version to this law
    The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
    Sent by Martin and Henrik from Denmark
  • Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
    Sent by Anonymousepad
  • Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
    Sent by GL Roberts
  • If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
    Sent by Bob Holdegraver
  • If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn’t go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
    Sent by John Wilson
  • Common sense isn’t.
    Sent by Joe Facchini
  • The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
    Sent by Mark M Stevens
  • The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
    Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy
  • Those who don’t take decisions never make mistakes.
    Sent by Asier Zabarte
  • The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can’t last forever.
    Sent by Taranis Valerin
  • Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
  • Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
  • If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
  • The only time you’re right, is when its about being wrong.
  • The only times something’s right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
    The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel
  • If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.
    Sent by Pat M.
  • Its never so bad it couldn’t be worse.
    Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders
  • Andrew’s Law
    When saying that things can not possibly get any worse – they will
    Sent by Andrew Milbourne
  • Murphy’s Metalaw
    Knowing Murphy’s Law will never help.
  • Occult Principle of Murphism
    To know Murphy’s Law is to draw its attention.
  • Avoidance Law
    If for some reason Murphy’s Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
  • Hermetic Murphism
    As above, so below.
  • The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
  • Buddha’s Version of Murphy’s Law
    Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.
  • Fleming’s corollary:
    Nothing ever gets better.
  • Murphologist’s Curse
    Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy’s Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
    The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax
  • The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
  • Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
  • Law of cooperatives
    In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
    The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba
  • Mr. Murphy warning:
    Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
    If something goes wrong, it’s Mr. Murphy’s fault.
    Last two laws were sent by Frank O’Neal
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law
    If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame
    Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com
  • Lewis’ Axiom
    The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
    Sent by Robert Lewis
  • Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
    Sent by Nabeel
  • Another name for Murphy’s law: The law of conservation of misery
    Sent by Achten
  • Carvalheiro’s deduction
    If in a particular circumstance Murphy’s law don’t apply, then something must be wrong
    Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro
  • Sharad’s Law
    If Murphy’s law is right then it will go wrong
    Sent by Sharad Bhandari
  • A law about websites:
    The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
    Sent by Shaunna
  • Laws about this site:
    The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.
    Sent by Sathish
  • This site won’t open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are
    Sent by Dinni
  • Remember:
    Shit happens
  • Murphy’s law is intrinsic.
    Sent by wolfram
  • And on the eighth day God said;”O.K. Murphy, you take over!
    Sent by Robert A. Silvestri
  • Larry Niven’s summary of Murphy’s Law:
    The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
    Sent by Kevin Boland
  • The road to success is always under construction
    By Anton Figg (?)
  • If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn’t, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
    Sent by 
  • Bralek’s Rule for Success:
    Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you.
    Sent by 
  • whatever was supposed to happen, won’t
    Sent by 
  • You can’t expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
  • You cant reason with the stupid
    The last two laws were sent by 
  • If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
    Sent by 
  • Clemens’ Law
    In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
    Clemens’ Law short form
    People are stupid.
    Sent by 
  • What goes in must come out.
    Unless it’s the other way around.
    Sent by 
  • Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
    Sent by 
  • Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
  • Berneathys directional dichotomy
    West is always East of somewhere
  • Berneathys formula fact
    Instruction manuals are for losers
  • Berneathys guide theorem
    You’re only lost if you admit it
  • Berneathys gravitational paradox
    If gravity is all around us, why can’t you push a fat dog down the stairs?
    Last five laws were sent by 
  • Wet Law
    A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet
  • Pack Rat’s Law
    All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity
  • Wife’s Law
    Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
    Reply:
    Anything over-done isn’t worth the extra effort
    Last three laws were sent by 
  • It’s no the drop that kills you…. its the sudden stop
    Sent by 
  • When things are going right, you won’t notice
  • The cleverness of Murphy’s Laws is inverse proportion to the number of laws
    last two laws were sent by 
  • The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum
    Sent by 
  • and never forget O’Toole’s Corollary or
    Sod’s Law or
    McGillicuddy Law
    Murphy was an optimist
    Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren’t there?
    Or in other words:
    someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
    The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
    You get all the credit for the dumb move.
    Murphy was an extreme optimist!
    Says Charles L. Mays
  • And we’ll end this page with something optimistic (don’t hit me).
    Don’t worry about Murphy’s Law, you know it’s gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
    Sent by Ruth Beaty
  • The humor of Murphy’s Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
    If you make it through a Murphy Day…you win!

 

Send in any changes, additions or corrections.

She’s A Girl, If She Can’t Get Laid, It’s Her Fault

If a girl went into the forrest, and said I want some dick tonight, guys from 1000’s of miles away would be there shortly. What’s wrong with this girl? Most of the time, girls decide when the pounding is going to go down because they get offered some dick about 100 times a day. Just look at the high school teachers. They pick out the one and start wailing away.

A Harris County constable deputy is facing scrutiny after a TikTok post went viral suggesting she planned to issue tickets indiscriminately because of a lack of intimacy in her personal life, as reported by The New York Post.

The post, made by Harris County Precinct 5 Deputy Jennifer Escalera, has sparked public backlash and prompted an internal affairs investigation.

The video, which has since been deleted, showed Deputy Escalera in uniform writing on a notepad.

The caption over the clip read, “Didn’t get cracked last night so everyone is getting a ticket,” suggesting that her ticketing decisions might be influenced by her personal frustrations. Although parts of her uniform were blurred, Escalera’s name tag remained visible in the footage.

Dildo On The Court, WNBA Laughingstock Again

A WNBA game between the Atlanta Dream and the Golden State Valkyries was interrupted on Tuesday night after a bizarre object was thrown on to the floor late in the fourth quarter.

The Valkyries had rebounded a miss with about one minute left in the game when the object flew from the stands and down onto the court. The object bounced a few times away from the ballhandler and then toward the near sideline.

it was a green dildo and the girls all knew what it was.

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I mean look at their faces. I’ll bet those lesbians know the brand and what kind of batteries it takes.

I makes the WNBA more of a joke. Then, they let the other teams beat the shit out of Caitlin Clark, the only reason anyone ever turns on a WNBA game.

Bugs Bunny Turns 85: The Cartoon Icon’s Impact Still Resonates 

Bugs is my favorite. I liked Jonny Quest also, but they didn’t make enough episodes and it kind of was the same episode every week. Every Jeopardy answer I get on Opera is from Bugs. He was the most anti-PC character before Beavis and Butthead

Not Bugs.

Bugs Bunny cartoon advertisement.

(LMPC via Getty Images)

Hans von Spakovsky is the manager of the Election Law Reform Initiative and a senior legal fellow in the Edwin Meese III Center for Legal and Judicial Studies at The Heritage Foundation.

I know, I know. We have been in the midst of a blizzard of important domestic and world events this summer, from the final week of the Supreme Court’s term with a slew of important decisions to the fight over the “Big, Beautiful Bill” to the war in the Middle East and the Russian/Ukrainian conflict. We also just celebrated the 249th birthday of the United States.   

But in the midst of all this, we should not forget the 85th birthday of that beloved all-American trickster and practical joker, Bugs Bunny. A look back at the original cartoon series shows just how much that rabbit reflected the culture, the politics, and the patriotism of the times and how some of his antics wouldn’t play well for the woke generation of today.  

On July 27, 1940, the wisecracking, mouthy bunny with a Brooklyn accent got his official start in the Looney Tunes classic “A Wild Hare,” in which he bamboozles and confuses the most unsuccessful and hapless hunter in American history, Elmer Fudd, for the first of many times.  

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For the past 85 years, in addition to Elmer Fudd, Bugs Bunny has been trouncing, defeating, and outtalking a host of surly but memorable characters, including Yosemite Sam, the roughest, toughest hombre east of the Pecos; Porky “Th-Th-Th-That’s all, folks” Pig; and Daffy Duck. Elmer Fudd never managed to catch that wascally wabbit, and the same goes for Daffy Duck, who was never able to outsmart Bugs or get the better of him.  

Trouncing, defeating, and outtalking a host of surly characters? Gosh, who does that remind you of in today’s political world? 

There are even two cartoons, “Operation: Rabbit” (1952) and “To Hare is Human” (1956), in which Wile E. Coyote is up against Bugs Bunny instead of his usual opponent, the Road Runner, who is on vacation, with the same disastrous results. Wile E. Coyote actually speaks in that second cartoon, something he does not do in any other appearance, except by holding up a sign, usually about something stupid that he just did. 

Don’t you wish there really was a company like ACME, Wile E. Coyote’s go-to company for equipment? I know Amazon comes close, but it just doesn’t have the same expansive inventory as ACME of bombs, cannons, TNT, anvils, missiles, rocket sleds, and every other kind of fiendish device our fevered imaginations can imagine. 

While kids have always liked these cartoons, they were really designed by adults for adults, since they were shown in movie theaters before the feature films. The original cartoons contain many politically incorrect scenes that these days would get them instantly criticized by the “woke police,” another reason they remain so timeless.   

While Bugs Bunny was the main star, he had a host of other colleagues who appeared in other cartoons, including Pepe le Pew, Foghorn Leghorn, and Sylvester the cat, to name just a few. Besides Bugs Bunny, I have to admit that Foghorn Leghorn, the loud, blustering, overbearing rooster, is one of my other favorites characters, in large part because he resembles so many of the politicians one encounters here in the nation’s capital.   

Speaking of politicians, you shouldn’t miss “Ballot Box Bunny” (1951), where Bugs runs against Yosemite Sam for mayor of a small town. They play every trick you can imagine on each other to try to win—not too different from the tricks we see in real campaigns today—and Yosemite Sam’s campaign promises alone are worth watching. Bugs and Sam spend so much time attacking each other that, in the end, they are both beaten by a dark horse—in this case, literally a dark horse. Fortunately, neither of them is prosecuted by an overzealous U.S. Justice Department. 

While Daffy Duck may have never gotten the better of Bugs Bunny, he was the first American duck to go into space to battle aliens in 1953, long before Harrison Ford in “Star Wars,” when he fought Marvin the Martian in “Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century,” a takeoff on the “Buck Rogers” serial that premiered in movie houses in 1939. One of the cleverest of the Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny confrontations also premiered in 1953. In “Duck Amuck,” an unidentified animator keeps changing Daffy’s shape, location, and even his voice. Of course, it turns out in the end that the animator is Bugs Bunny. 

But getting back to the woke police, there was actually criticism of Pepe le Pew as supposedly glorifying a sexual harasser and of Elmer Fudd for carrying a gun. In fact, the idiots at HBO Max decreed that Fudd had to be gun-free in their reboot of Looney Tunes in 2020. Just more proof that liberals really have no sense of humor, something the Babylon Bee proves every day. 

Bugs Bunny was a star for Warner Bros., the Hollywood studio started in 1923 by the four Warner brothers, Harry, Albert, Sam, and Jack. The animators at Warner Bros. created 167 brilliant and memorable Bugs Bunny cartoons during the golden age of American animation. I don’t count more recently produced Bugs Bunny cartoons, all of which lack the comedy, wit, and cleverness of the originals. These were cartoons created by adults for adults with a mischievous sense of humor. 

While Bugs Bunny always came out on top, he was not infallible. There were actually three cartoons that were takeoffs on the Aesop fairy tale about the race between the tortoise and the hare: “Tortoise Beats Hare” (1941), “Tortoise Wins by a Hare” (1943), and “Rabbit Transit” (1947). In each one, the tortoise gets the better of Bugs Bunny, including “Rabbit Transit,” in which Bugs Bunny actually wins the race but then is arrested by the police for speeding.   

Whenever he went on vacation, Bugs Bunny always took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. Having been to “Albukoykee,” as Bugs Bunny pronounces it, I can understand why. Those wrong turns led him to some dangerous places, including the middle of a bull ring in Mexico in “Bully for Bugs” (1953) or Nazi Germany in “Herr Meets Hare” (1945), where he confronted Adolf Hitler and Hermann Göering, and Bugs imitates Joseph Stalin.  

Speaking of Nazi Germany, Bugs did go to war like a lot of Hollywood during World War II. He became an honorary master sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps after he appeared in a Marine Corps dress blue uniform in “Super-Rabbit” (1943). Some of these wartime cartoons like “Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips” (1944) have been “banned” by oversensitive cartoon channels because of the racial or ethnic stereotypes used at the time. Bugs Bunny even got drafted during the Korean War in “Forward March Hare” (1952) when he got his neighbor’s draft notice by mistake. And no, he did not abscond to Canada to avoid service. 

If you love opera, you can’t beat the Bugs Bunny versions. Turns out that the directors and animators were all big opera fans. So, we have “The Rabbit of Seville” (1950) and “What’s Opera, Doc?” (1957), where Bugs and Elmer Fudd give us their versions of great Rossini and Wagner operas. You have to be an opera fan to get the joke at the end of “The Rabbit of Seville,” which was a takeoff of Rossini’s “The Barber of Seville.” At the end, Bugs drops Elmer Fudd into a huge cake that is labeled “The Marriage of Figaro,” which was Mozart’s version of “The Barber of Seville.” 

And what better way is there to learn about English or American history than watching the story of Robin Hood in “Rabbit Hood” (1945) or the American Revolution in “Bunker Hill Bunny” (1950). Or if you love the great American pastime, don’t miss “Baseball Bugs” (1946). Bugs Bunny takes on the Gas-House Gorillas in the Polo Grounds in New York City, the original home of both the Mets and the Yankees, playing all of the positions. He wins the game when he makes the ultimate play—catching a flyball at the top of the “Umpire” State Building, which he reaches by taking a cab from the baseball field to the skyscraper.  

There are many well-known lines from famous movies that have entered our culture, including from great classics like “Casablanca”: “I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here,” or “Round up the usual suspects,” and the Bugs Bunny cartoons have those, too.   

All of the voices in the original cartoons were voiced by the brilliant Mel Blanc, probably the most talented and versatile voice that ever came out of Hollywood. One of his most repeated lines as Bugs Bunny besides “What’s up, Doc?” is “Of course, you realize, this means war.” Or “He don’t know me very well.”  

And one of Bugs Bunny’s commonly uttered derisions, “What a maroon,” comes to mind fairly often as I watch a slew of liberal politicians and left-wing activists at work in Washington each day. 

So, happy birthday, Bugs Bunny. You may be 85 years old, but you will always remain young in our hearts and a hare-raiser on the screen.   

That’s all folks!  

Paraprosdokians (Figures of Speech)

Posting will be light this week due to relatives invading.
This is a repost, but it has drawn a lot of interest so I thought others would like it.
First time I heard about parasprosdokians, I liked them. Sometimes known as Arasprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
 (Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify…” I answered, “a doctor.”
11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
12. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
13. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
14. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
16.  I’m supposed to respect my elders but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
17.  I’m not arguing with you, I’m explaining why you are wrong.

Tired Of Obamacare Yet? You’re Really Going To Be Pissed Off Now

What about this plan that they told Americans wasn’t a lie? Bet they told Congress and the Insurance companies to start the kickbacks because the money floodgates are open for good.

Medical care costs are surging already. A big leap is coming.

Health Care Shock Coming

The Wall Street Journal reports Obamacare Insurers Seek Double-Digit Premium Hikes Next Year

If you buy your own health insurance, you are probably going to pay more next year—a lot more.

Insurers are seeking hefty 2026 rate increases for Affordable Care Act marketplace plans, the coverage known as Obamacare. Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Illinois wants a 27% hike, while its sister Blue Cross plan in Texas is asking for 21%. The largest ACA plans in Washington state, Georgia and Rhode Island are all looking for premiums to surge more than 20%.

The companies say the big increases are needed because of higher healthcare costs and changing federal policy, including cuts to subsidies that help consumers pay for plans. The higher premiums would come after years of enrollment growth and mostly single-digit rate increases in the Obamacare market, where individuals and families buy insurance for themselves. About 24 million people have ACA plans.

At the request of The Wall Street Journal, the health-research nonprofit KFF analyzed the rate requests for the largest ACA plans by enrollment in 17 states where the insurers’ filings have already become public, as well as the District of Columbia. They showed that some of the biggest national ACA players, including Centene and Elevance Health, are seeking double-digit increases in several states. The Blue Cross & Blue Shield plans of Texas and Illinois are both owned by Health Care Service, a giant nonprofit.

Most Obamacare enrollees’ monthly insurance bills will go up substantially next year because of reductions in federal subsidies that help pay for their coverage. Enhanced payments passed by Congress in 2021 will lapse at the end of December. The drop-off in subsidies is both helping to drive higher premiums and making it harder for many consumers to pay them.

Some people “are going to be hit with this double whammy” of bigger monthly insurance bills and losing the subsidy that blunts their cost, said Cynthia Cox, a vice president at KFF.

In rate filings, some insurers said tariffs could add to the cost of drugs and medical supplies.

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The Best Of Introvert Memes – Part 3

by this time, I was getting the hang of it and there was a lot of good stuff that hadn’t been replayed over and over. I think by the end of this best of, I finally decided on a title that I’ve stuck with.

Introvert Meme Time

Introvert Meme’s

Introvert Meme’s

Introvert Memes

An AI Teen Prank – AI-powered restaurant app rates hotness of customers

They could be using AI to cure cancer or have the best meal and wine combination. But no. Like Face Smash, the precursor to Facebook rates the hotness of customers.

I’ll give you this, there are times when waiting tables that can be boring. I do recall that the sun was directly into the front door for about 15 minutes and if a girl in a skirt came in, we got the x-ray view..

One day, one of the hottest girls I’d seen in a white skirt stepped through the door with the sun blazing behind her. That’s right, she was going commando. I, and 4 other waiters were paralyzed for about 4 minutes until they got seated. It was Basic Instinct quality stuff.

Anyway…….

A new AI-powered website called LooksMapping is the latest trend hitting the restaurant industry, ranking food and beverage establishments by the “hotness” of their customers.

The website, catering to 9,800 restaurants in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, allows its visitors to select where to dine based on an AI algorithm that evaluates the attractiveness of diners on a scale of 1 to 10, The New York Times reported.

Riley Walz, a 22-year-old programmer based in San Francisco, founded LooksMapping with the intention of using Google review data to make sarcastic observations about the restaurant industry. Walz used an AI model to collect 2.8 million Google evaluations, identifying 587,000 profile photos with distinctive traits among 1.5 million unique accounts. He next taught the model to determine whether the individuals were male or female, old or young, and hot or not.

“The website just puts reductive numbers on the superficial calculations we make every day,” the website reads. “A mirror held up to our collective vanity.”

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Best Of Introvert Meme’s – Part 2

I was just finding out about this but I identified with so many of them it started coming together better every time I did it (for the most part).

Introvert Meme’s, Because They Are True

Introvert Meme Time

These Memes Perfectly Explain Introverts’ Thoughts at Holiday Parties

Meme’s Introverts Will Understand

There is some good stuff that you look at and say it’s both funny and true.

How Much Revenue Do Tech Giants Earn Per Employee? – I guess Sex Still Sells

Which tech companies are generating the most profit per employee?

In this graphic, Visual Capitalist’s Marcus Lu visualized 22 major tech companies by revenue per employee in 2024, highlighting the efficiency of business models that monetize user-generated content.

The data for this visualization comes from Multiples.

Revenue per Employee Leaders

OnlyFans, Valve, and YouTube are the top three leaders in this dataset. All three are digital platforms that have successfully scaled up with a relatively small workforce.

OnlyFans has 51-200 employees according to LinkedIn, while Valve operates Steam, the world’s largest PC gaming platform, with a workforce of just 350 people. YouTube has the largest headcount of the three, with 7,173 employees as of January 2024.

By leveraging user-generated content (OnlyFans and YouTube) or digital distribution strategies (Valve), these companies differ from traditional companies that rely on labor-intensive operations.

More

It figures. Show your tits and people will look. Great if you are a hot girl. No one is waiting to see me whip out my dick.

Best Of Introvert Meme’s – Part 2

Still in the pretty old stuff so should be better than the last one. As you can see, I was still playing around for a title. I think that is in the next round of best of.

Introvert Memes For How I Answer When I Get Invited To Something I Don’t Want To Go To

It’s Introvert Meme Time Again

Introvert Meme’s For My Introverted Readers

Introvert Meme’s

AOTW

Foist, there is:

Rep. LaMonica McIver Tells Jen Psaki She ‘Never Thought She’d Face Charges’ Over Alleged Assault at Anti-ICE Rally (VIDEO) If you click on the link though, you will find more stupid than asshole.

No one likes a mouthy bitch who is stupid acting (Her degree says she’s not and that this is an act). She’s been acting uppity a lot lately for no real reason other than cheap fame.

Anyway, Why would Trump tell her war plans when she can’t keep her mouth shut about going to the bathroom?

Jasmine Crockett, you are the asshole of the week.

As a result Jasmine Crockett Loses Bid to Become Top Democrat on House Oversight Panel

Dumbest Member Of Congress Can’t Speak Basic English During Attack On First Lady

The Best Of Introvert Meme’s

The Walmart stuff is getting stale, plus some of the better introvert stuff was at the beginning. Enjoy.

Why I Post Introvert Information. Hint, It’s Not Just For Introverts (plus meme’s to share), But Mostly Ranting

Introvert Stuff, Depicted By Meme’s

Meme’s Introverts Will Understand

These Memes Perfectly Explain Introverts’ Thoughts at Holiday Parties

Introvert Meme’s and Cartoons, But They Say Everything Extroverts Should Know (stop trying to change us)

Introvert Meme’s, Because They Are True

Beer Pong, Back In The Roman Times

Israeli archaeologists recently uncovered an ancient sarcophagus depicting a scene familiar to many today: a drinking game.

The Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA) announced the discovery in a Facebook post on June 9. 

The Roman sarcophagus, or coffin, was found at an archaeological site within the ancient capital city of Caesarea. The discovery is the first of its kind in Israel.

The marble sarcophagus illustrates a drinking scene between Dionysus, the god of wine, and Hercules. 

Pictures from the site show archaeologists beaming next to the discovery, which the IAA described as “spectacular.”

Hercules depicted in sarcophagus

An ancient Roman sarcophagus with Dionysus-Hercules drinking game was recently found in Israel. (Israel Antiquities Authority)

“In the center we see Dionysus, the god of wine, and around him a lively retinue of a host of mythological characters such as Maenads (female followers of Dionysus), satyrs, Hermes, Pan, lions and tigers,” the IAA’s statement read.

Archaeologists were unsure of what the entire scene depicted until the sarcophagus was handed over to the IAA’s conservation team — who assembled the fragments.

“Thanks to the restoration, the scenes have been fully revealed,” the IAA said.

IAA archaeologists likened the discovery to “a scene out of a movie.”

Porn Star Kendra Lust Comes To Defense Of Caitlin Clark Over Ridiculous Treatment

Well … Caitlin Clark has found herself an ally.

Porn star Kendra Lust wasn’t a fan whatsoever of what happened Tuesday night with Indiana Fever superstar Caitlin Clark, as the phenom was popped in the eye and blasted down on the court in the blowout victory over the Connecticut Sun.

Sun guard Marina Mabrey was the one who clobbered Clark to the ground, but despite that, referees only slapped her with a technical foul when she clearly should’ve been ejected. Clark was also dished a technical foul for pretty much defending herself, and Connecticut guard Jacy Sheldon was also given a tech for getting Clark in the eye.

story

What’s Left To Ask For On Your 102nd Birthday? A Stripper

All she wanted for her birthday this year was some wholesome entertainment in the form of a stripper. Is that too much to ask from the nursing home she resides in? Absolutely not.

Griffiths’ request came in the form of a wish that each of the 22 residents of the Hawthorn Court Care Home were invited to make on a “wishing tree,” according to Wales Online.

She wrote, “It is my birthday coming up, so I would like a stripper.” The staff went about making the arrangements to make this centenarian’s wish for a “butler in the buff” come true.

The manager of the nursing home wasn’t at all surprised by the wish. She said, “It’s Gwyneth to a T… she is one hell of a woman!”

One of her children says that when she was younger she was a very quiet and mild-mannered woman. She was much more reserved than she is today.

story

I Guess We’ll Be Safe A Little Longer – ChatGPT got ‘absolutely wrecked’ in chess by 1977 Atari, then claimed it was unfair

The chatbot tried to convince its operators it would improve if given the chance.

OpenAI’s artificial intelligence model was defeated by a nearly 50-year-old video game program.

Citrix software engineer Robert Caruso posted about the showdown between the AI and the old tech on LinkedIn, where he explained that he pitted OpenAI’s ChatGPT against a 1970s chess emulator, meaning a version of the game ported into a computer.

‘ChatGPT got absolutely wrecked on the beginner level.’

The chess game was simply titled Video Chess and was released in 1979 on the Atari 2600, which launched in 1977.

According to Caruso, ChatGPT was given a board layout to identify the chess pieces but quickly became confused, mistook “rooks for bishops,” and repeatedly lost track of where the chess pieces were.

rest of the story of the ass whoopin

The Meme War General: Douglass Mackey and his online army changed the game…

Before most people even knew what a meme was, Douglass Mackey had already turned it into a weapon. Not just any weapon, a political nuclear bomb.

Back in 2016, while Hillary Clinton was polishing her glass ceiling victory speech and the media was choreographing Trump’s funeral, something totally unexpected was happening online. A new breed of dissident Americans, mostly sharp, clever, pissed-off young men, began using memes to wage information warfare against the political establishment. It was funny. It was irreverent. It was creative. And it was devastatingly effective. Just ask Hillary…

It became known as the Great Meme War.

And leading that charge was a guy known online as “Ricky Vaughn.” Today, we know him as Douglass Mackey, a husband, father, and fighter who was steamrolled by the Biden regime in the early days of lawfare. But we’ll get to that part soon.

With nothing but a laptop, a few savage jokes, and an arsenal of dank memes, Mackey trolled the left into absolute hysteria. He mocked media elites, exposed political phonies, and rallied an army of meme warriors who turned ridicule into revolution. And make no mistake, those memes mattered. So much so that many believe they actually helped swing the 2016 election and rewrote the political playbook forever.

So what happened next? Well, they came for Doug.

story

Why ‘k’ is the most hated text message, according to science

I’ve written about things similar to this, like What Does HA! Mean On A Text? (Or the Worst Single Word Answers)

This one interested me because we both agree that K is pretty much the equivalent to F/U on a text, while being polite

Fast company logo

Why ‘k’ is the most hated text message, according to science

A study reveals that the one-letter reply “K” is more damaging than being ‘left on read.’

Why ‘k’ is the most hated text message, according to science

A study has confirmed what we all suspected: “K” is officially the worst text you can send.

It might look harmless enough, but this single letter has the power to shut down a conversation and leave the recipient spiraling. According to a study published in the International Journal of Mobile Communications, “K” was ranked as the most negatively received response in digital conversations—worse than being left on read or even a passive-aggressive “sure.”

The study found that the single-letter reply often signals emotional distance, passive-aggression, or outright disinterest. Despite its brevity, “K” carries surprising emotional weight. Adding an extra letter—making it “kk”—softens the tone of the reply entirely. Variants like “ok” or “okay,” while still cold, tend to be interpreted as neutral or merely formal.

Many of our day-to-day conversations happen over text, which means there are now unspoken codes of conduct to follow. If you want to open up about your emotions but don’t want to sound too serious, make sure to add “lol” to the end of those texts to show you’re just in a silly, goofy mood, and not suicidal. Giving advice to a friend that you don’t want to be held accountable for? Add an “idk” at the end of the sentence to mitigate culpability.

Nonverbal cues like tone, facial expressions, and body language can be difficult to convey via our phones, leaving the door wide open for misunderstanding and misinterpretation. Sometimes generational differences also impact how we send and interpret texts. In some cases, textual miscommunications can be relationship killers, research has found.

Some texters recognize the power of “k” and are willing to weaponize the letter to serve their own motives. One X user called it “the digital equivalent of slamming the door while making dead eye contact.” Another added: “K is short for ‘you’re dead to me.’ ”

Others advocate for the convenience of the single-letter response: “I’ve learned that rather than replying with a wall of text explaining how you feel, you should just type ‘K’ and hit send. No sense in wasting your valuable words.”

Many suggested other similarly anxiety-inducing replies. “Text her ‘he’s busy.’ see how triggered she gets. lol,” one X user suggested. “No lies told there. … Thumbs up is a very close second for me,” another added.

A third countered: “I raise you ‘we need to talk.’ ”

source

When I use it, few on the other end know what I’m really saying. They might think it’s let’s end, but it’s not

11 Things Introverts Secretly Wish You’d Stop Doing

Our extroverted culture encourages a lot of behaviors that aren’t introvert-friendly — things that drive us up a wall.

Are you an introvert who feels like your social battery is constantly low? Do you find yourself trapped in conversations you don’t want to be in — or just feeling misunderstood?

There’s a good chance the problem isn’t you. In fact, the problem might be that our extrovert-oriented culture encourages a lot of not-so-introvert-friendly behaviors — things that drive us up a wall (or send us retreating to our quiet homes) and make us wish the world had a mute button.

Here are some things we introverts wish other people would stop doing. I can’t speak for all introverts, but I believe these 11 things are common introvert pet peeves.

11 Things Introverts Wish You’d Stop Doing

1. Talking to them when they’re reading or doing some other solitary activity

I will never, ever understand why holding an open book isn’t the universal symbol for “don’t talk to me.” To me, the mere sight of a person reading a book implies a bright, neon Shh! Quiet, please! library sign floating in the air above them.

Instead, open a book in a public place, and you can practically hear the eyes swiveling toward you as every extroverted or bored person within a mile realizes, Ooh! Someone who doesn’t have anybody to talk to! They must be waiting for me to come wow them with my brilliant repartee!

No. We’re not. We are merely — and I swear this is true, as shocking as it may seem — trying to read. Please respect that.

(That said, if you ask what book we’re reading because you can’t see the cover, that’s fine. Just please leave the ball in our court as to whether the conversation continues.)

2. Not taking the hint when they no longer want to talk

I don’t want to be rude (or even appear rude). I want to be a nice person, who has a nice exchange with you, and then we nicely wrap it up after a moment and go our separate ways.

But if you want the Nice Introvert on my end, you have to give me the Conscientious Extrovert on your end — the one who can read subtle, polite cues and body language. (No shade to my neurodivergent friends, especially those on the autism spectrum — this doesn’t apply to you!)

To spell it out: If someone is glancing back at their laptop, book, or activity that you interrupted, or toward their vehicle or the exit, or if they say, “Well…” and trail off, or say, “It was nice meeting you,” they’re nicely telling you that your time is up. Let ‘em go.

Because if you don’t, Nice Introvert has to go away — and you’re going to get Uncomfortably Direct Introvert. And yes, I will walk away in the middle of your sentence.

(Most introverts, though, will suffer in silence to be polite. And that, honestly, is an even worse outcome. Don’t make them do that.)

3. Telling them “there won’t be many people” — then inviting everyone you know

I would love to be able to follow the labyrinth trail through an extrovert’s mind that leads from “I’m only inviting a few people” to “Hello, One-Hundredth Person to Arrive, come on in, there are drinks in the kitchen — just past the people playing Who Can Yell Words the Loudest, to the left of the 8,000-Decibel Sound System from Hell. Nope, you didn’t miss the Clown Car Full of People We Don’t Know Who Will Somehow Still Be Here; they should be arriving soon!”

However it happens, please stop.

It’s totally fine if you want a big house party — but just say that. If you tell us it’ll be small, quiet, and/or that not many people will be there, please understand that we are expecting a total of four to six people (or maybe a dozen if the word “party” was involved).

Keep in mind: To introverts, once a gathering is too big for everyone to be involved in the same conversation together, it’s no longer “small” — and it won’t make us happy.

4. Making introvert jokes

Okay, pop quiz: When is an introvert joke appropriate?

Answer: When an introvert is the one making it. Period. That’s all, folks.

Look, I get it — introverts are “a thing” in pop culture now, and the jokes are usually good-natured. (“Oh, you’re an introvert? You must hate being here!” Ba-dum-dum.)

Introvert jokes are, at best, a mild annoyance. But they’re also tedious, they reinforce inaccurate ideas about introversion, and honestly, they’re overused. (You’re not the first extrovert to come up with that line, I promise.)

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Be the first to hear when Jenn Granneman’s new book is released — and get two FREE gifts to help you feel more comfortable in conversations right now:

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5. Talking forever without asking the introvert about themselves

Just about every article about introverts says we’re “great at listening.” Are we? Or are we bored out of our minds and desperately looking for a way out while someone goes on and on about problems at their workplace — talking about people we don’t even know?

Look, I’m an introvert, and even I know that conversation is all about give and take. It’s about passing the torch. I tell a story or make a point, and then I give space for you to tell a story or make a point. We talk about my thing for a while, and then we talk about your thing. Sometimes this back-and-forth happens naturally; other times, you can prompt it by simply asking the other person a question.

But if you don’t pass the ball, the entire conversation becomes unpleasant.

The issue is, many introverts have softer voices or don’t jump in and start talking over someone else — which, to be clear, means we are being good conversation partners. But some extroverts (or clueless people of all stripes) take that to mean we’re riveted, and they just keep on going.

So stop. Ask me about myself. I promise I’ll do the same for you. (Or, at a minimum, I’ll take the opening to excuse myself and run in the opposite direction.)

6. Assuming any pause in conversation is your opening to take over

This goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. We all know pauses in conversation are natural, right?

Sure, in a large group, if one person pauses, it’s a nice chance for someone else to add something. But introverts often need a few moments to formulate their thoughts before they start talking. Unfortunately, that doesn’t jibe with our species’ rapidly shrinking attention span, and people assume they can just jump in over us.

This is especially a problem in one-on-one conversations. For introverts, these are the perfect convos — the ones where both people can go a little deeper. If you ask us a question, or we open our mouths to talk and then pause, please, give us a beat. Let a few seconds go by. I guarantee you’ll become one of the few conversations we actually enjoyed that day — and it’ll probably be more interesting for you, too.

7. Lumping all introverts together, assuming they’re all shy, quiet, or socially awkward

Yeah, I get it. Lots of introverts don’t like public speaking. Lots of introverts hate the spotlight. Lots of introverts dislike parties. And some introverts are shy, feel socially awkward, or have social anxiety.

But guess what? Not all introverts check every single one of those boxes — and some don’t check any at all.

Personally, I love being in the spotlight, and lots of introverts are performers, public speakers, or otherwise stand in front of people for a living. (Some are even A-list celebrities — including Taylor Swift!)

Likewise, although I used to be very socially awkward, I spent a lot of years practicing my social skills, and now I feel comfortable talking to strangers at parties or networking events, or making conversation overall. And I might even enjoy a party for an hour or two — just not all night.

Really, the only thing all introverts have in common is that we get tired quickly from social interactions. That’s it. Whether we’re good or bad at any particular social skill — or whether we enjoy socializing up to a certain point — varies from person to person.

So, please, stop lumping us together.

8. Putting them on the spot

Say it with me: Introverts need time to mentally prepare.

That means we do not want to be handed the mic, called out in a group, asked to perform an impromptu song, or anything else that involves being put on the spot.

Here are some things you can try saying instead:

  • “For the bonfire party next week, would you be willing to bring your guitar and do a few songs? It’s okay if not.”
  • “Hey, we’re going to do toasts after dinner, and I’d like to ask you to give one. Could you think of something by then?”
  • “So-and-so was supposed to do the presentation today and just messaged that they’re stuck in traffic. I know you aren’t prepared, but you helped put together the deck. If I stall with the clients to buy you 10 minutes to prepare, could you do the presentation?”

Of course, the introvert may still decline — but by giving them some time to think about it and prepare, you’ll make for a much better experience for everyone.

9. Talking during movies, shows, and other events that don’t encourage talking

Okayyyyyyy, so I don’t know when this became a thing, but it seems like people treat shows and movies as background noise now — chit-chatting instead of, I don’t know, watching the show. Is it because there are subtitles on almost everything? Is it because the endless binge of episodes isn’t very satisfying, so you need something more?

To this, I daresay most introverts are more interested in following the plotline than we are in bantering about your workday.

To be clear: Once a show or movie is turned on, you have two options — either zip it and watch, or pause the show when you have something important to say. (But don’t overuse the pausing privileges.)

10. Treating them as your personal therapist

Introverts can be deep and thoughtful. We can also come across as wise — sometimes by accident — because we think first and talk later. Despite what I said before, introverts can be attentive listeners with the right person or in the right situation.

But none of that gives us an endless well of emotional energy, and none of it makes us a trained therapist. (Except for the introverts who are, in fact, trained and licensed therapists.)

So if you’re close friends with an introvert whose opinions you respect, by all means, let them know when you’ve got something heavy on your mind and ask if you can talk to them about it. That’s what friends are for.

But that quiet, soulful, soft-spoken, patient individual you just met literally 30 seconds ago? That is not your therapist. That is a random introvert who is internally panicking at your awkward overshare while desperately trying to save even one ounce of the energy you’re sucking out of their social battery.

11. Surprising them with plans, from parties to showing up unannounced

Don’t. Just don’t.

Seriously. Don’t.

source

There are a lot more, I promise

Kid Rock Blames “Ugly Ass, Broke, Crazy” Liberal Women For Low US Birthrate

You tell ’em Kid.

Musician Kid Rock has figured out why the US birthrate is so low; ‘Ugly ass, broke, crazy, deranged, TDS liberal women.’

Speaking with Fox News‘ Jesse Watters, the 54-year-old rocker responded to a clip of left-wing protesters, saying: “You look at these rallies, and it’s like a bunch of women that no guy wants to sleep with and a bunch of dudes that want to sleep with each other.”

“We have this low birth rate in America, and it all made sense. It just hit me right now, because who’s gonna sleep with these ugly ass, broke, crazy, deranged, TDS [Trump Derangement Syndrome] liberal women?“

Watters responded by asking whether Rock sees “blue hair” and “female armpit hair” at his concerts.

Watch:

click here to see the rest and the clip

Two Idiotic Dems Accidentally Reveal Their Party’s Brilliant New Strategy

Two dumb and dumber Democrats may have accidentally revealed the long-sought-after strategy for the party that could deliver the House and Senate in 2026 and the White House in 2028.

It’s simple, yet potent, and defies the very platform and messaging the party has peddled for years. It has nothing to do with taxes and tax cuts, borders, open or closed, and tariffs versus free trade.

No, Democratic Texas Rep. Jasmine Crockett and the DNC’s vice-chair, David Hogg, know that boring policy debates about taxes and Tim Walz pheasant hunts won’t win back straight white men, the demographic they threw away to President Donald Trump and Republicans.

They need to give straight white men what they want: a straight white male candidate and, perhaps more importantly, the opportunity to get laid.

Crockett revealed the first strategic prong on a podcast. “It is, it is this fear that the people within the party, within the primary system, will have about voting for a woman because every time we voted for a woman, we’ve lost,” Crockett said, adding, “I think that that’s a natural fear because we just want to win. So there’s a lot of people that are like, you know what? Like, let’s go find the safest white boy we can find.”

More faux whiteness here

I guess the blacks figured out that they were being used every 4 years and got handed empty promises since LBJ. I get the liberals not getting any, but now they are trying to get straight white dudes laid? Seems like a pretty big lack of foresight. Maybe they are blinded by foreskin

Why not burn one of them exposing your cheating wife?

A New Jersey firefighter decided to turn his own birthday party completely upside down. He had discovered his wife was cheating on him and decided to expose her at his own party.

He knew all about the Plan B pills she had to take, he knew about the other guy’s “skinny little pale thing,” and he knew it was over too. He pretended to need the ring off her finger, then tore into her and let everyone who was there know she was cheating.

The viral clip starts with the birthday boy announcing, “Even though it’s my birthday, I got her a little something right. Little happy wife, happy life bullshit.”

Nobody has any idea what’s about to happen. He’s handed a ring box as if he’s about to upgrade his wife’s ring or something. People think they’re witnessing a sweet moment between this seemingly lovely couple.

He has her join him, pulls the brilliant move of having her take her current ring off and give it to him, then plants a mafia-style kiss on her before letting her know that he knows all about her cheating.

“I f*cking know everything,” he says. “That’s right b*tch. I know everything. I had to see his skinny little pale thing. I wasn’t impressed. I know all about the Plan B pills you had to take.”

More

It seems like justice to me. I’ve had cheating whores in my past and getting rid of them was worth it every time. I even had to cut them out on social media when they tried to come back in my life. Fuck that.

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Shit I Laugh At Europeans About

I get a ration from my wife’s Scandinavian relatives about free college, health care, and pension for life.

The top earners pay 70% tax and have to wait 6 weeks to see a doctor who is no better than a PA here, more like a nurse.

When the wifes Sister in Law came over, they compared Social Security to the state pension she was getting and the wife’s SS was 3 times more. They are locked into the pension where we live off investments and SS is just a byproduct.

Enjoy your free stuff

Socialism is just one step away from communism.

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