Tag: humor

Different Headlines: Naked Guy Steals Cop Car; Serial Number 4 Cuda His the Auction Block; Bartender Hears ESPN Announcer bragging about Cheating; Lot’s of College Bowl Stats; Top Male Faces by Aesthetic Surgeon; Lower Gas Prices To Save $500 Million This Christmas;

Crime and Disgusting

For the Love of Everything Decent, Put Some Clothes on if You’re Going to Steal a Patrol Vehicle

Cheaters Who Work For ESPN

‘He Announces For ESPN’: Denver Bartender Overhears Customer’s Vulgar Conversation. Then She Looks Him Up Online

Football

James Madison Has An Expensive Secret Weapon Fueling Its College Football Playoff Run – pay to play

The 17 Players Who Won The Heisman Trophy And A National Championship In The Same Season

10 Of The Greatest Individual Bowl Game Performances In College Football History

Best Men’s Faces

Dr. Douglas S. Steinbrech, Leading Male Aesthetic Surgeon, Reveals Top 10 Most Requested Male Faces of 2025 – I knew it wasn’t me

DNA

DARPA Is Working on Synthesizing DNA With Light and the Luciferian Parallels Cannot Be Ignored – they were in on Covid and the Jab also. They also invented the internet. None of that is very good

Health

New Study Reveals Prediabetes Remission Cuts Heart Disease Risk by Over 50%

Five Years Too Late: NIH-Funded Stanford Scientists Finally Admit mRNA COVID Vaccines Can Cause Myocarditis

Economy

Lower Gas Prices to Save Drivers $500M Christmas Week – NBADJT

War On White Men

Apple kicked off the WAR on white men… – and we will pay for this. The world needs men.

The Media Backs up the Anti-White Wing of the Democrat Party

Islam

Babylon Bee: Groundbreaking New Study Finds Islamophobia May Be Partially Caused by Muslims Killing People All the Time

 All of France is a No Go Zone Now – France is fucked. Islam has taken the French out of France

Food supply

‘I Can Only Get My Chicken at Costco’: Florida Chef Says There’s a Reason Chicken Tastes Like ‘Rubber Bands’ Now

Cars

What Happened to Jaguar?

Ford Retreats From EVs After Billions in Losses – nobody wants them either

1970 Plymouth Cuda Convertible Pilot Car

The First V-Code Cuda Convertible Produced, Serial No. 4 – it’s rare, but I bet the hemi-cuda’s go for more

EU Backing Down Off 2035 ICE Vehicle Ban – Because the EU is retarded to believe in it in the first place. Get back to reality.

Crime AT BARS

‘It Means Someone Not Safe Is Near You’: Applebee’s Customer Asks For Water. Then The Bartender Gives Her Something Unexpected

Rare Earth Minerals

Utah’s Desert Yields Rare Earths Motherlode, Challenging China’s Grip on Critical Minerals

Masculinity

Erasing Masculinity Has Created a Generation in Crisis – Men have saved the world time an again. It’s why the feminists want to try and erase it. We have to stop these PC SJW.

Kids Games When We Used To Play Outside, Red Rover, Smear The Queer

Last night, the left lost their minds when Bijan Robinsin commented on his play as it related to a game we played as kids. He called it smear the queer, but we knew it as kill the man with the ball. He had to walk it back, but I know he didn’t mean it.

If you grew up before video games and actually played outside without a helmet, it was great fun. If you don’t know it, look it up. It will be a good education for you on why our generation tried harder at most things. The struggle was real, like real life, everyone against you.

Another good game was Red Rover. It’s where you line up kids in 2 groups, holding each other by the arms, and pick someone from the other side to run and try to break the hold. Red rover, red rover, send x (next victim) on over. In reality, it was a way to clothesline a kid from the other side, also great fun.

We also played war, kick the can, and baseball, where a parked car served as 3rd base. The game would stop for a while if a car came through, but there weren’t as many back then.

And then there is dodgeball. That’s where you’d hit the girls and the fat kids first. Nothing beats a good shot to the face though. That’s the real score

If you didn’t have a ball, there was kick the can.

Sometimes it was stickball. Kids from NY know that one well.

Life was easier back then, and we didn’t need a Switch or Xbox to play video games. Our moms kicked us out of the house, and we made stuff up.

If there were not enough other kids, you could climb a tree or throw something for the dog to chase. I grew up in an old tangerine farm so that is what we had, way before tennis balls were dog toys.

We moved on to paper football

Oh, to be young again.

Regarding Commenting

First of all, I love the comments. Some of you guys are very interesting and funny. I write to different groups, including introverts, the intelligentsia, political individuals, car people, and others. I’m getting to know you all more closely from the stuff you write.

I even connected with one reader who knew Denny from Grouchy Old Cripple, but neither of us knew it until I started AOTW in Denny’s honor.

I wrote about Stupid Things Smart People Do a long time ago. One of them is arguing on the internet.

I’m likely to post about anything these days. A lot of posts get tumbleweeds for comments. I think I’m all clever, and then crickets.

Occasionally, I’ll be content-free in my head and post something meaningless, and it’s a barrage of comments, like What’s it like to have an extremely high IQ.

Once in a while, I get off the wall comments that are out of left field. I saw this meme and thought about it.

I can write some offensive stuff and know it. Hell, I do it on purpose sometimes. I don’t care if you disagree with me, but keep it civil when you write back. My favorite are people who outthink me and write clever stuff.

I also ask questions that are set up by WordPress and answer them as honestly as I can. I love it when people answer them also (Bocopro is a great writer)

I have it set up to approve all comments, and if it gets too out of hand, I’m not going to let it on the page. It just starts a fight I don’t want to see happen and piss off others. If it’s spicy and will start a discussion, I’ll let it go. I also am not going to let people post their blogs that have nothing to do with my post. They have their own blog, and I read it there.

All I ask is that you be civil. I know that the people on the left hate my ass by now, but I don’t care. They aren’t smart and write childish things. I brush that off and move along, which is what they should have done to begin with.

So keep up the commentary. Many of you are better writers than I am. I enjoy reading your stuff.

Study Finds Tattoo Ink Accumulates In Lymph Nodes

I could have put this in a Different Headlines post if it weren’t for the fact that it is a red flag for men.

I’ll get to the science of the matter in a minute, but if a girl has tats, multiple piercings, dyed hair in an unnatural color (pink, red, green, blue, purple, etc.), these are your red flags about how crazy she is, and how far you should stay away from her.

She’ll say a tramp stamp is a rite of passage, like a belly button piercing, but that is just a place to hang the air freshener.

They do say that the best sex is with the craziest bitches, which I’ll attest to, but leave as soon as it’s over and don’t get into a relationship.

Now, for the article:

A new study shows tattoo ink drains into the lymphatic system and accumulates in lymph nodes, diminishing the effects of immune cells. This accumulation of ink pigment triggers both local and systemic inflammation that persists for months.

A third of American adults, roughly 32% – or about 80 million people – have tattoos, and they should read this new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS).

“Despite safety concerns regarding the toxicity of tattoo ink, no studies have reported the consequences of tattooing on the immune response. In this work, we have characterized the transport and accumulation of different tattoo inks in the lymphatic system using a murine model,” researcher Arianna Capucetti wrote in the study.

Capucetti continued:

Upon quick lymphatic drainage, we observed that macrophages mainly capture the ink in the lymph node (LN).

An initial inflammatory reaction at local and systemic levels follows ink capture. Notably, the inflammatory process is maintained over time, as we observed clear signs of inflammation in the draining LN 2 mo following tattooing. In addition, the capture of ink by macrophages was associated with the induction of apoptosis in both human and murine models. Furthermore, the ink accumulated in the LN altered the immune response against two different types of vaccines.

On the one hand, we observed a reduced antibody response following vaccination with a messenger ribonucleic acid (mRNA)-based severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) vaccine, which was associated with a decreased expression of the spike protein in macrophages in the draining LN.

In contrast, we observed an enhanced response when vaccinated with influenza vaccine inactivated by ultraviolet (UV) radiation.

Considering the unstoppable trend of tattooing in the population, our results are crucial in informing the toxicology programs, policymakers, and the general public regarding the potential risk of the tattooing practice associated with an altered immune response.

As we noted earlier this year, “Many tattoo inks contain chemicals that have been classified as carcinogenic — or cancer-causing — by the International Agency for Research on Cancer.”

While black tattoo inks use carbon black, colored inks contain pigments designed for industrial applications such as plastics and paints. More troubling, tattoo inks are far less regulated than pharmaceuticals.

We have already covered two important studies:

  • A 2024 Swedish study tracking nearly 12,000 people found that individuals with tattoos had a 21% higher risk of malignant lymphoma compared with those without ink.
  • A Danish twin study published earlier this year reported similar trends. Tattooed participants showed higher rates of skin cancer.

Dr. Trisha Khanna, dermatologist and medical advisory board member at Codex Labs, recently told The Epoch Times, “Current regulations on tattoo ink ingredients are not sufficient,” adding, “This is a growing concern among dermatologists.”

And laser removal could make it worse.

source

Different Headline: 5 Descendents of Di Vinci Did Extrordinary Things; Diet Coke Addiction Worse Than Imagined; Cadillac or Rolls Royce For The Same Price?; Marrying An AI Husband; Master Internet Trolling…..and more

Food Addiction

‘As A Former Diet Coke Aholic, It Is So Hard To Give It Up’: Delta Flight Attendant Says First-Class Passenger Asked For Strange Request. So She Complied—And Got $35 For It – That stuff is poison

Dad Humor

‘I Would Die’: Florida Woman Borrows Her Dad’s Shirt, Starts Getting Compliments From ‘Old Men.’ Then She Reads The Back Of It

Introverts

‘Do They Know Introverts Exist???’: New York Man Chooses To Enjoy His Lunch Alone Instead Of With Co-Workers. He Didn’t Expect It To Cost Him His Job – What a crappy company

Covid PPP Fraud

Democrat Ex-Lawmaker Who Heckled Trump Convicted in Covid Fraud Scheme – Stupid is as stupid does. Can’t keep his trap shut

Cars

Would You Rather Spend Over $400K on a Cadillac Celestiq or a Rolls-Royce Ghost? – I wouldn’t spend $8 on a Cadilac.

Internet Master Trolling.

Dana Perino Lets Commiela Harris Know What Game She Was Really Playing Against Trump (Not ‘3-D Chess’) – I wonder if Kamala even knew she got trolled

Artificial Intelligence

People Are Now Having AI “Children” With Their AI Partners – It’s best this way. People like this don’t need to bring real children into the world

Euginics

Silicon Valley Elites Pump Cash into Banned Genetically Modified Babies Research

Didn’t they try this in the 1930’s in Germany? Stop trying to play God.

Racism

Michelle Obama’s Bigoted Book Tour – She lived the privileged life while lying, whining and hating white people. She drank top shelf booze and wasted millions of taxpayer money on her vacations that she took friends and family on. What and ungrateful and bigoted bitch. She picked the most dumbassed topic to harp on. No one really cares about her, nor do they care about her looks.

DNA

Five Men Spent Their Lives Doing Extraordinary Things… Turns Out They Were Da Vinci’s Secret Descendants… – It was the Y Chromosome passed down.

Marrying an AI Husband

Bride weds AI-groom she created using ChatGPT in dual real-life and virtual reality ceremony – psycho-chicks. Men are better off if she stays with the fake husband instead of ruining the life of a real life man.

Cars

Locked Out: How Big Auto Could Destroy the Used-Car Market – The stakes are enormous: 273,000 repair shops, 900,000 technicians, and 293 million vehicles could be affected.

Islam

The European Tragedy Comes to America – It’s the same war that’s been fought since 610. They ruin every country they invade, either by immigration or war.

Covid and Wuhan Labs

U.S. Spy Agencies Had Ties to Wuhan Scientists Years before 2020 Covid Pandemic Began

Different Headlines: The To 9 Funniest South Park Characters, China Announces First Quantum Computer, Schumer Putting Travelers At Risk With Shutdown, More Americans Asking If College Is Really Worth It, Actress Admits No One Cares What Hollywood Thinks, Nude Actress Gets Body Painted For COP30 Because They Serve Meat…..and more

Humor

https://brobible.com/culture/article/funniest-south-park-characters-ranked/

Nature (can be brutal)

Video shows orcas hunting great white sharks and devouring their livers – And we thought the Great White was the Apex predator.

Healthcare

What to Know About Obamacare Rates for 2026 – Costs are going up for everyone, quality of service will go down for many. It was a lie from the beginning to move us to Socialized healthcare, a failure every time.

Rare Genetic Disorder Causes Portuguese Boy to Reek of Dead Fish Every Time He Eats Seafood – sounds like one of my ex girlfriends who became an ex very fast.

Police Save Child Held Hostage (warning: graphic video)

Florida Sheriffs Drop Knife-Wielding Assailant Holding Child Hostage With a Knife [VIDEO] – when good guys win and save the day.

College Education

‘Dogshit Elitist Institution’: Hackers Hijack Ivy League System To Mass Email Claims School Broke The Law

More Americans Are Asking if College Is Really Worth It – indoctrination centers for socialism, maybe for very specialized degrees, but gender studies and the like are a waste if you want a job.

Media, or Lying, it’s the same

Whistleblower Reveals How World’s “Most Trusted” Broadcaster Doctored Trump Speech a Week Before the Election – Never trust the media, any of them. They rarely tell the truth and then only by accident.

Hollywood

Actress Jennifer Lawrence Admits Trump Derangement Is Pointless, and America Doesn’t Care What Hollywood Thinks – Wow, one of them actually sees the truth. No one cares what actors think. In fact, we wish they’d shut up about everything but acting.

NYC Election

Rabid Jew Hater, Linda Sarsour, Admits That Zohran Mamdani’s Rise Was Both Planned and Well-Funded – I can’t believe that NYC keeps finding a bigger loser than before to be mayor. If this guy gets in, the City that never sleeps will also be the city that never eats.

Technology

Google Caught Hiding Elon Musk’s Grokipedia, Promotes Leftist Wikipedia – Of course they did. Google censors everything not Google. They are the hemorrhoid on the asshole that is technology.

Senate

Report: Rep. Pelosi Will Not Seek Reelection – I guess insider trading paid off enough to retire. Who’s going to be the first to say the wicked witch is dead?

Quantum Computing

China’s First Atomic Quantum Computer “Hanyuan No. 1” Goes Commercial – Whichever country wins this race has a significant advantage, especially in AI

Jobs

IBM To Lay Off Thousands Before The End Of The Year – They always fuck over the employees right before the holidays

Obamacare

“Such a Scam!”: Watch Fed-up Woman Explain Realities of a Failed Obamacare – You’re just learning that now? It’s because you got freebies at first. Now, the truth comes out and people are pissed

Government Shutdown

Air Traffic Controllers Union Chief Blasts Schumer for Playing Politics With Nation’s Safety – Schumer owns this one

Snap

Black Men Say SNAP Benefits Are Hurting Americans [VIDEO] – Of course it is, and the Dems know it because they are behind it.

Great Britain

Britain In the Balance – Like a monstrous experiment in social engineering, the profoundly anti-patriotic immigration policy of New Labour has brought about demographic changes that, right from the outset, were intended to be irreversible.

Climate Scam

Bloomberg News: ‘After 10 Years and $10 Trillion, What Did the Paris Agreement Achieve?’ – ‘The answer is clear…it hasn’t succeeded’ but it is ‘building the momentum that the world needs’ – not a damn thing other than making the biggest loudmouths richer, at the cost to the taxpayers

Nude, Scorched ‘Mother Earth’ to Blast COP30 Over Meaty Menu – Brazilian actress ‘will lie naked to lay bare the hypocrisy of serving meat, dairy, & other planet-killing foods’ at UN climate summit – the only good thing to come out of COP30

Watch failed history of ice free Arctic predictions – ‘2000, 2008, 2012, 2013, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020& now, 2027’!

AOTW

Foist, we have this guy: Defiant Venezuelan Dictator Maduro Threatens the US, Claims He Has 5,000 Anti-Aircraft Missiles to Fight. Ask Yamamoto if it’s a good idea to attack the USA.

Next, Rosie O’Donnell, the deranged leftist who used to be a comedian, recently called for an economic blackout in the United States from her new home in Ireland. It was an obvious attempt to hurt the economy to hurt Trump politically.

She did it all in post on her Instagram account and she got more than she bargained for because she was roasted in the comments.

Most of the people who pushed back on her noted the fact that average people would be hurt by her plan the most. Link to where she gets trashed. She’s made AOTW before, so she can’t win every week. I’ll leave her at asswipe.

Finality, there’s this week’s winner, thank you very little FJB:

“Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson argues for a race-based redistricting.” This was the Supreme Court. They had a hearing. Well, let me just read this. “Liberal Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson on Wednesday”—that would have been about a week ago from when this podcast is up—“compared efforts to draw congressional districts along racial lines, compared it to the way disabled people were granted easier access to buildings after the Americans with Disabilities Act became law.” That’s quoting her.

“‘The idea of Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act is that we are responding to current-day manifestations of past and present decisions that disadvantage minorities and make it so that they don’t have equal access to the voting system. Right?’ Jackson said as she questioned a lawyer representing Louisiana voters who argued that the court-ordered creation of a second majority-black district in the state violated the 14th Amendment by prioritizing racial composition in its boundaries.

Since she doesn’t even know that Blacks aren’t disabled, or what a woman is, the most unqualified person on the SCOTUS is the Asshole of the week

More:

So, the whole idea of DEI is frozen in amber. It’s stale. It doesn’t adapt to change. There’s other problems with it, but it doesn’t show that class and race are no longer identical. And that you’ve got all these people who are claiming that they’re completely disabled or disadvantaged when … I was looking down at my phone because in the four biggest cities, I think in the United States: New York was Eric Adams was mayor—black. Los Angeles, Karen Bass—black; Chicago, Democratic Brandon Johnson—black; and then, Philadelphia, Cherelle Parker—black. And I could go down to San Diego, Dallas, you name it. And the majority of the biggest cities in the country are black mayors.

source

What Does AI Have To Say About This Blog

For kicks, I asked a couple of different engines….here you go

The blog johnsimonds.com, also known as “Delusions of Adequacy,” is written by John Simonds, a critical thinker and writer who uses sarcasm and analytical pattern recognition to explore various topics. The blog lampoons subjects like “Woke” culture, the behavior of “Karens,” hypocrites in positions of power, social media, technology, global power, and issues requiring thoughtful analysis.

Delusions is a platform where he expresses his sharp wit and critique of societal trends, often highlighting power grabs and manipulation, such as his early views on the COVID-19 vaccine narrative. His writing features a sarcastic tone combined with deep pattern recognition and analysis, aiming to reveal truths often obscured by media and political influences. Alongside societal topics, he also writes about introversion, IQ, and success strategies based on his observations and experiences.

Delusions has a background in communications and analyst relations, having worked for companies like IBM. His education includes philosophy (school of hard knocks) and business administration. The blog reflects his intellectual and somewhat contrarian perspective, mingled with a sarcastic style.

Overall, Delusions of Adequacy serves as an outlet for his critical and sometimes provocative views on contemporary cultural and political matters, as well as insights into intelligence, social behavior, and personal development.

—

Then, there’s this:

Ideological / Political Slant
The blog clearly leans strongly toward conservative / anti‑liberal, reactionary rhetoric. Some posts present critiques of “left” ideologies, social justice, or what the author perceives as overreach by government, media, or academia. The language is blunt and provocative. (got that one right)

Mix of Personal and Public
The blog seems to straddle the line between being a personal blog (writing about “My Life,” self‑help, work experiences) and being an opinion / commentary site. The author uses personal voice, “I” statements, reflections, but also publishes political and public commentary. (yep)

Content, Themes & Style

  • The blog has multiple categories: My Life, Self‑Help, Work, News, General / Opinion, etc.
  • Self‑help category includes posts about mental and physical health, learning, productivity, and life decisions.
  • Work category includes posts critical of meetings, on work ethic, reflections from earlier jobs, aversion to inefficiency.
  • News / Political / Public Commentary is present — e.g. a post about Dr. Jorge Zamora‑Quezada’s alleged medical fraud is under the “news” category.
  • Another post, “Why Vegans Aren’t As Smart – Your Brain Needs Meat,” uses dismissive, provocative language toward veganism, calling it a “religion” and mocking it.
  • The tone is partisan and loaded: for instance, in a post about Jimmy Kimmel and celebrity commentary, the author uses strong language (“celebtards,” “they are so stupid,” etc.) and frames the discussion in combative, ideological terms.
  • Many posts are dated and archived over the years, including ones from 2012 (e.g. “How An Average Joe Can Be A Millionaire”)

Well, it’s somewhat close. At least they got the combatative, sarcastic, blunt, provocative and celebtards right. I thought I called Kimmel an asshole.

They missed the whole Introvert thing. That’s important to me

Oh, I do mock vegans. Sorry, but not sorry.

The Best Of Stuff You See At Walmart – Last One

I hope you’ve enjoyed the series. This is the end of the material for now. I’ll come up with something else as life presents the opportunity to laugh.

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Headlines: No More Fat Dudes In Dresses, World’s Biggest Bitcoin Seizure, Musk Tells Cuomo To Piss Off…..and more

Military

‘No more dudes in dresses… we’re done with that sh*t’: Hegseth Makes the Military Great Again…

Crime

Chinese woman convicted after ‘world’s biggest’ bitcoin seizure…

Two female cops can’t subdue male perp… ‘300-pound’ citizen steps in to finish the job…

Democrat Senator Ed Markey’s Special Assistant Admits Using Autopen WITHOUT Markey’s Knowledge

Tech

Why Is Wikipedia Deleting All References To Neil Tyson’s Fabrication? – It’s in the headline, he’s a freaking liar and makes stuff up that’s not science

Health

Over 70 People Sick Following Norovirus Outbreak Aboard Cruise Ship – Cruise ships are pietri dishes for bacteria

Education

Universities Are Fighting Trump Tooth And Nail — But He’s The Least Of Their Problems

Humor

Chris Cuomo Says Elon Musk Told Him To ‘Piss Off’ In Private Message — Then Blocked Him

Natures’ Power

5 homes collapse as waves from Hurricanes Imelda, Humberto slam North Carolina’s Outer Banks

Politics

Eric Swalwell Vows Revenge Against Trump & Anyone Who Worked With Trump – Who’s the real facist Mr. Fang Fang?

Edward Coristine AKA “BIG BALLS” Confirms His Grandfather Was a Soviet KGB DOUBLE-AGENT Who Betrayed the USSR for America

Sports

The NFL Flips Us the Middle Finger

8 Reasons Why Introverts Have an Incredible Sense of Humor

1. They are observant and can think outside the box.

What’s one of the biggest skills comedians have? The ability to pay attention and take notice of things other people miss. Introverts pay close attention to details so nothing escapes them.

Observational comedy is a type of humor that is based on the regular aspects of everyday life. It’s the “Have you ever noticed” kind of joke. The comedian starts with something familiar that the audience can relate to and then flips it on its head.

Another aspect of this humor, and why many introverts are so good at it, is the creativity involved. Instead of making an A-to-B connection, introverts tap into their innovative brains and make an A-to-D association — and that’s where the humor comes in. The joke goes somewhere unexpected. Introverts don’t feel pressure to think on the spot like everyone else, which gives them the freedom to try new things and create their own rules. (And, of course, they’ve prepared all their material in advance!)

2. Despite their “quiet” personalities, they can be brilliant conversationalists who know how to keep people entertained.

Introverts have interesting things to say, but they don’t need to be the ones doing all the talking all of the time. They’re great listeners, and because many of them are intelligent, they’re also able to not only hear what’s being said, but they can also comprehend the meaning behind what the person doesn’t say. This ability to “read the room” — and pick up on people’s body language — is something that comedians need to have so they can gear their material to their audience. Introverts just do this instinctually.

And introverts don’t talk only to hear their own voices. They may not be constantly talking, but when they do say something, it tends to be engaging and thought-provoking. People tend to come away from talking with an introvert as feeling seen.

3. They are often self-aware, and that awareness can lead to great comic material.

One of the best qualities a person can have is the ability not to take themselves too seriously. Most introverts know themselves well, and they’re honest about their weaknesses and their strengths. They have a deep understanding of human nature, and it’s their humanity that makes them hilarious.

Some funny people may enjoy self-deprecating humor (humor that makes fun of themselves). But introverts know a little self-deprecating humor goes a long way, and too much can come off as not funny, but pathetic.

It’s okay to make someone have sympathy for you. But if they’re too worried about your well-being, then that takes away all the humor.

Many introverts know to strike a balance between humor that’s self-aware and humor that reflects equally on all humanity. For instance, stand-up comedian Mark Normand does this well and often talks about being an introvert in his material.

As unique as introverts are, so is their humor. Some may be sarcastic or cynical, while others may have a sly wit or share their humorous side by telling personal stories with amusing vocal inflections and facial expressions.

I have a friend who doesn’t try to be funny at all, but just is funny without meaning to be. When she says something hilarious, she’s as surprised as anyone else, and that’s what makes it even funnier.

Honesty is an important element of humor, and many introverts are self-aware enough to be honest with themselves and others. There’s a comedy rule that states, “Only the truth is funny.” It doesn’t mean every single word of a funny story or joke has to be 100 percent funny. Rather, it means there has to be a kernel of truth in every bit, so the reader (or audience member or friend) has something to hang onto.

4. They love writing, which tends to be a solo act.

Any kind of writing involves sitting your butt down on a chair (or standing at a desk) and writing. You need to have focus, drive, and patience to be a good writer. Writing humor is one of the most difficult types of writing, because you have to start with a natural ability to be funny, then know when (and when not) to use the comedy rules. 

While there are certainly comedy writing teams, even then, they may write separately and only come together at certain times.

I believe that introverts make the best writers, and when their comedy-writing talent is developed, their writing is masterful. They enjoy being by themselves and working alone. Any stand-up set, story in a storytelling show, or script usually needs to be written first before it’s performed — and that’s perfect for the introvert.

(Here’s the science behind why introverts love being alone.)

5. They tend to be smart and able to see the humor in situations.

Let’s look at satire, which is defined as the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices. This is particularly common in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. You can’t make fun of something if you don’t understand it in the first place.

Some people laugh in tense situations, even when it’s not appropriate. The reason is that laughter is a stress-reliever, and it can be a coping mechanism. Yet introverts are able to go beyond the obvious and find the humor beneath the surface, which may help them deal with a stressful situation or person. (This is similar to how introverts prefer deep talk to small talk.)

Want to feel more at ease in social situations?

Discover the secrets to enjoying fun, meaningful conversations. Know exactly what to say — even if you’re introverted, shy, or socially anxious. Feel less drained and have more energy while socializing.

6. They enjoy learning new things and sharing their knowledge with others.

I had an improv teacher who insisted that improvisers not only be educated, but that they needed to be up on all current events, popular culture, and media. If you’re performing in an improv show, and another person starts a scene making a reference to something — and you don’t know what they’re talking about — it can be a problem. 

Also, telling the same stale jokes over and over again, and making references to things that happened so long ago that no one remembers what you’re talking about, will remove the funny right out of them.

So, because a lot of introverts are life-long learners, they keep things fresh, and they enjoy sharing what they know with others. Sometimes the best way to get your message across is with humor. 

7. They can be fantastic communicators and enjoy expressing themselves (when they are comfortable, that is).

Comedians, like any creative person, need an outlet to express themselves, and sometimes that outlet is a stand-up show. It allows introverts to reveal themselves in a safe way.

If you think about it, it’s not really so strange for an introvert to stand onstage and talk. As the aforementioned comedian Mark Normand says about why a stand-up set is so good for introverts: “[It’s a] one-sided conversation that’s been pre-written and rehearsed over and over. If one of you guys talk, you get thrown out [of the venue].” Now that sounds like heaven for an introvert, right?

8. They are born comics.

You can teach someone how to tell a joke, timing, and even do physical comedy, but having a sense of humor can’t be taught or faked. 

While it may seem as if extroverts are more likely to have a fantastic sense of humor, the truth is, just as many, if not more, introverts seem to be professional comedians, stand-ups, improvisers, and comedy and humor writers. 

People may have false images of introverts as humorless people who wouldn’t know a witty remark if it bit them on the nose — but they couldn’t be more wrong. Many introverts have a highly developed sense of humor, whether they use it to tell jokes on stage, at the family dinner table, or in an email to a coworker. 

story

Best Of Stuff You See At Walmart – Part 5

I checked and there is this one and maybe one more at best. Then, the fun is over. Enjoy it while it lives.

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Headlines: If Socialists Understoon Socialism, Is There Safe Alcohol?

If Socialists Actually Understood Socialism

Ivanpah: $2.2 Billion Up in Green Smoke

Obama Hack’s Attempt to Embarrass JD Vance Over His Take on Dallas ICE Shooting Backfires When VP Points Out an Inconvenient Fact : “What, Precisely, Did I Get Wrong, Dipsh*t?”

New Study Shatters Myth of “Safe” Alcohol; Even Light Drinking Raises Dementia Risk

Cowardly Sniper Who Murdered at Least 2 People Before Killing Himself Identified as 29-Year-Old Joshua Jahn

Illegal Who Got Ticket to Stay in U.S. Under Democrat Admins Will Be Charged With Murdering Infant Sister – who is the bigger asshole, the Democrat or the murderer?

Another day, another leftist sniper; Another day, another Democrat incites violence

EXCLUSIVE: Pentagon To Ask Trump To Sign Off On Execution Of Convicted Fort Hood Shooter – firing squad for him. It’s how he killed a bunch of innocents

WATCH: Trump White House Brilliantly Trolls Joe Biden by Hanging Portrait of His Autopen Signature in New ‘Presidential Walk of Fame’

BOMBSHELL: Senior DOJ Epstein Investigator Reveals “Epstein Was CIA” – Confirms R*pes Occurred While Bill Clinton Was on the Plane (VIDEO)

Europe

Greta Thunberg’s Gaza Flotilla Hits Stormy Waters as Muslim Members Object to Sodomite Participants

Health

New Study Reveals Widespread DNA Contamination in Moderna and Pfizer “Vaccines”

Harvard Confirms Heart Attack Surge Among Pfizer mRNA-Vaxxed

Space

NASA now targeting a February-to-April launch window for first manned Artemis mission

Technology

Triple-A confirms: Biden’s beloved EVs more costly to run than gas-powered cars

Um Right, Sure They Were: Coldplay Kiss Cam Couple Were Supposedly Just “Really Good Friends” Hugging at a Concert

They were banging like rabbits. Who believes otherwise? Look at the picture and he’s grabbing her tit.

Just when you thought you had heard the last of the Coldplay kiss cam couple, you know before the “remember when” tributes start a few years from now, comes a source telling everyone they have the story all wrong.

There was no affair. These two are just really good friends who were caught in an inappropriate hug at the Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium a couple of months ago is all. That’s according to a source.

story

I said what the rest of the world said, bullshit.

Different Headlines: Buttigieg Too Much Of A Fag For Kamala, Baby Found In Dumpster Is Alive, The Hidded Risk In 90% Of Our Drinking Water And More

Gunman who shot up lobby of ABC affiliate was “politically motivated”

“He Never Took The $50,000” – White House Spox Says Biden’s Weaponized FBI Tried To Entrap Tom Homan With Bribe

‘ABC Is Committed to a Disaster, and We Get to Watch It’: Conservative Podcaster Calls Kimmel’s Return ‘Beautiful’

Kamala Harris Admits She Snubbed Pete Buttigieg as VP Pick Because He’s Gay – “Too Big of a Risk” – so being a homosexual is still looked down upon by the elites, or anyone else

Governor Healey’s Energy Crisis: Outrage Theater for the Freeze-and-Pay Crowd – 20% higher energy because of Green Policies that didn’t work

Health

The Hidden Risk In 90 Percent Of America’s Drinking Water – And How To Reduce It

Baby Found Abandoned in a Dumpster: “She Was Covered in Blood” – Still Alive!

Two Ignoramuses Are Dumb Enough To Fight Cops At Falcons-Panthers Game, And Of Course, They Lose

Weird: Kamala Accuses Trump of Being Communist Dictator – Forgets to Mention Her Father Was a Marxist Economist (VIDEO)

World

Muslim woman delivers some harsh truth to a ‘queer for Palestine’ activist…

An Impending Population Crisis? World Fertility Rate Hits 60-Year Low – Bill Gates got his wish.

Economy

Why Our Systems Collapse

Tech

Google: Biden Pressure ‘Wrong,’ Banned Voices Coming Back

Not Really Love Thy Neighbor, But Over Grass Clippings?

Headlines: Tariff’s on Vagina Museam Merch, The Worst Air In Every State, Doomsday Plane Spotted Naked and Naked NYPD

Watch: Rare “Naked” ‘Doomsday Plane’ Spotted Flying Over Texas

Inside The CIA Unit Nobody Dares Talk About

JB Pritzker Hides Photo of Himself Posing With a Felon Wanted in Four States

Megyn Kelly Roasts Kimmel with His Own Words

Consumer Spending Slows Among Low-Income Americans

Meet The Communist Regime-Loving ‘Armed Queers’ Group That Suddenly Vanished Online After Kirk Murder

High School Football Player Smacks Helmetless Opponent In Heated Scene

“Quiet! You’re Really Obnoxious!” – Trump Rips Reporters in Oval Office – Tells ABC’s Jon Karl, “You’re a Terrible Reporter” (VIDEO)

Big Advertising Joins Banks and Asset Managers in Ditching Sustainability

These Are The Worst Places For Air Quality In Every US State

Sex Scandal at the Top of the NYPD: Dominican Wendy García Removed Amid the Fall of Chief Jeffrey Maddrey and Allegations of Favors in Exchange for Overtime

Middle East

Islamic State Issues Call to Kill Christians, Jews in Europe, U.S. Warns 

MAHA

CDC panel votes to end universal Covid vaccine recommendation

US panel rejects combined measles vaccine

Europe

Vagina Museum Suspends Sales to USA

Best Of Stuff You See At Walmart – Part 4

We’re reaching the end of this best-of-series. I think there are only one or two more, and then it’s over. Hope you enjoy the fun while it lasts.

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Who Says Getting Divorced Means You Have to Stop Sleeping With Your Wife?

I don’t know who these two are, but at the end of my many relationships, the last thing I wanted was to keep on getting it. I may have waited too long before ending said relationship, but it reached a point that I couldn’t do it with her(s) again. No talk, no sex, No More me.

And yet here we have 2 that cheat, fight, divorce, and are still smoking the sheets. Hell, I’d want someone new. Getting back with your ex is like taking a shit and trying to put it back in.

You pick right up where you last left off. There is no new relationship. It’s the same old shit, SSDD. After getting a lot of ass for years, at some point, it feels the same like at the start. Some girls know how to use it better than others, but most don’t try hard enough. As I told a female doctor, there is no golden pussy.

If you thought getting a divorce after 14 years of marriage means that you can’t still have sex with each other, think again. You can continue sleeping with each other and this couple is proof of that if nothing else.

The 44-year-old husband is still feeling his way through the entire situation. He’s not sure if he and his 46-year-old wife are going about the whole divorce process in the best way possible.

couple having sex despite getting divorce

Married couple getting a divorce plan to continue having sex until one of them has moved on with a new partner. (Image Credit: Getty)

I’m not sure exactly what his hangups are with the arrangement. I mean, what possibly could go wrong banging your way through a divorce? Whatever it is, it made him feel the need to ask for advice on the best place to receive such advice: Reddit.

SIGN UP for The Daily OutKick. New Look, Same Attitude.

Can you think of a better place to share your story? I didn’t think so. He wrote, “We’ve been married 14 years and together almost 20. We have had a lot of ups and downs, infidelity on both sides, and some very bad verbal fights over the years.”

So they fight and they’ve both cheated. There have to be some positive aspects still left in their relationship. He continued, “That said, we get along very well now, but she is adamant that she wants to divorce.”

The idea of getting divorced took some getting used to for him, but he did come to terms with it and realized that it was best for both of them. Although, throughout it all, they’ve been able to maintain a connection in the sheets.

The One Thing That Still Works For This Divorcing Couple: Their Sex Life

“The one thing about our relationship that is still good is our sex life. In the last year it has ramped up and become a very exceptional part of my life that I really enjoy and she does as well,” he admitted.

“Through a lot of communication, we have decided that we will continue to be intimate with each other until it doesn’t make sense (one of us decides we’re done or start dating.)”

more

Best of Stuff You See At Walmart – Part 3

There aren’t many left. I’m reaching the end of the good stuff.

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You see at Walmart

Bonus. I was in Walmart yesterday and saw this one

And Then All Of A Sudden, I Heard Dueling Banjo’s

Appalachian Queer Film Festival

At this point, you would have to move to Appalachia to avoid having LGBTism rubbed in your face. No wait; that might not be far enough:

Since 2014, the annual Appalachian Queer Film Fest has brought attention and recognition to Queer filmmakers. Starting as an initiative to bring queer film and culture into the Appalachian region, the event has brought inspiration and recognition to queer art for over a decade.

This year’s fest will occur in Shepherdstown, West Virginia , featuring a movie that glorifies transsexual ACLU lawyer Chase Strangio:

“HEIGHTENED SCRUTINY” displays the decisive legal battle, (United States v. Skrmetti), where Chase Strangio worked to overturn the ban on gender-affirming care for trans youth in Tennessee.

That is, she worked to inflict grotesque sex change procedures on innocent children. Readers previously encountered Miss Strangio when she call for subjecting children as young as 2 years to such horrors and when she updated the Newspeak Dictionary by abnormalizing normal people with the term nontransgender.

Politicized perversion has been injected into every nook and cranny of the country. Escape is no longer an option; we are left to push back.

source

Pun Day

1.   The fattest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference.   He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.   I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.   It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.  

3.   She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.   

4.   A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,   because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.   No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.   

6.   A dog gave birth to puppies near the road .. . . and was cited for littering.   

7.   A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.   Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

9.   A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.   The police are looking into it.   

10.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

11.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.   

12.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the  hallway.  One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’ 

13.   I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.    Then it hit me.     

14.   A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said:  ‘Keep off the Grass.’   

15.   The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.  

16.   The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.  

17.   A backward poet writes inverse.   

18.   In a democracy it’s your vote that counts.   In feudalism it’s your count that votes.   

19.   When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.  

20.   If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21.   A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’   

22.   Two fish swim into a concrete wall.    One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’         

23.   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.   Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.  

24.   Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’   The other says ‘Are you sure?’   The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’   

25.   Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?   His goal:  transcend dental medication.  

26.   There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,   with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.   No pun in ten did.

Best Of Stuff You See At Walmart – Part 1

Before I retire Walmart for good, I thought I’d share the fun one last time:

Things You See At Walmart

Things You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

Stuff You See At Walmart

‘Both My Boobs Are Out’: California Mom Says Airline Attendant ‘Violated’ Her Mid-Flight

This is a story where the content doesn’t come close to matching the headline the way you think it would.

A California woman alleged a British Airways flight attendant lifted her nursing cover without permission and exposed her breasts while she breastfed her infant during a flight, according to a report.

Shayanne Wright, Costa Mesa city commissioner and business owner, said she requested her meal be delayed while she nursed her infant to sleep, Fox Business reported. Crew members allegedly refused. Wright claimed the flight attendant tapped her thigh repeatedly during meal service.

“I stuck my hand out to wave him away,” she alleged, saying she felt “violated.” “Then, without asking, he lifts the nursing cover up completely. It wakes her up. Both my boobs are out. And he doesn’t even apologize. He goes, ‘Do you want your meal?’”

The California mother claimed there were additional physical contact she deemed inappropriate such as leg touches and unsolicited attempts to buckle her seatbelt, the outlet reported. The woman said she characterized the alleged acts as sexual harassment to the airline.

story

Try Making SNL Funny, That Might Work – Or Less Biased

I was around for the first seasons of SNL. Sure, I suffered through the bumble bees, but I got to see Chee-Burger, Samurai Chef, Bass-o-matic and Lord and Lady Douchebag.

NBC’s Saturday Night Live is preparing for what its creator and longtime producer Lorne Michaels described as a “significant shake-up” in the cast ahead of the launch of its 51st season this fall.

In an interview with Matthew Belloni of Puck, Michaels, 80, said decisions on which performers would remain on the sketch show will be finalized “in a week or so.”

While he did not name specific individuals, he confirmed that “several current cast members are expected to exit” before the season premiere on October 4.

When asked whether he intended to make changes ahead of the new season, Michaels responded simply: “Yes.”

He added that the announcement on cast adjustments will come shortly before production resumes.

The show enters its new season following the departure of cast members Punkie Johnson and Molly Kearney, who confirmed in early August that they would not return.

The current roster includes 17 players, with notable figures such as Colin Jost, Bowen Yang, and Kenan Thompson among the best-known names.

story

TOTAL CHAOS AT SEA: Massive BRAWL Erupts on Carnival Cruise Ship Over ‘CHICKEN TENDERS’ (VIDEO)

It’s been said that if a whole cruise ship sank, no one of importance would ever do (excepting the Titanic which had everyone against creating the Fed on board).

To me, it is a discount vacation for losers. In a way, it’s like fishing on a party boat. They blow the horn, lines out. The next horn, lines in. They let the cruisers go only as far as they can go when in port for a couple of hours to get their T-shirt or shell.

It seems one set of people seems to frequently ruin it for others. It’s a pattern.

A Carnival cruise ship turned into a floating fight club after a late-night brawl erupted among passengers reportedly over ‘chicken tenders.’

According to the New York Post, the melee erupted in the ship’s dining area around 2 a.m. Monday, the final day of its voyage back to Miami, when a dispute spiraled out of control and involved about two dozen passengers.

Video footage, which has since gone viral, shows a chaotic scene of several young cruisers throwing wild punches, knocking each other to the ground.

The confusion mirrors eyewitness accounts of shoes, phones, and personal items flying as the violence intensified.

Security eventually tried to intervene, but one guard could be seen running away and reaching for his radio instead of jumping into the fray.

A mob of passengers can be seen pressed against a wooden partition, trading punches while others climb up to record the chaos on their phones. A woman in a red dress stands on the divider filming, while security guards tentatively step in — one even running away instead of intervening directly. (Credit: Mike Terra/Facebook)

Click here to see the fight. It’s a pretty good one also

Murphy’s Technology Laws

Here is another version of the Murphy’s Laws from yesterday.

I don’t really know if they are from Murphy, but you get the point.

  • Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  • Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
  • Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
  • If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
  • The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
  • The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
  • An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
  • Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. great discoveries are made by mistake.
  • Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
  • Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
  • All’s well that ends.
  • A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
  • The first myth of management is that it exists.
  • A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
  • New systems generate new problems.
  • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
  • We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
  • Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Arthur C. Clark
  • A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
  • Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
  • Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.
  • The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
  • To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
  • After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
  • Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
  • A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
  • If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  • Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  • Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”
  • Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it darn well pleases.
  • If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
  • The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
  • In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
  • Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
  • All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
  • The only perfect science is hind-sight.
  • Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
  • If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
  • If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • Everything that goes up must come down.
  • Corollary: Not always
  • Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
  • Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
  • The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
  • A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
  • There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
  • The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
  • If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you:

1. no longer need it
2. are in the middle of something else
3. don’t want it to be fixed, because you really don’t want to do what you were supposed to do

A Complete List of Murphy’s Laws

Note: This was first printed in 2019 but I keep getting requests for it, so here you go.

  • If anything can go wrong it will at the most inopportune time.
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong (or the one to go wrong first).
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. (Also known as the “Peter Principle”)
  • Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
  • After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
  • The best golf shots happen when you are alone (and the worst when playing with someone you want to impress).
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of one’s actions.
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

Of course you can go to the Murphy’s Law site and see all of this there.

Murphy’s laws

  • If anything can go wrong, it will
    Corollary: It can
    Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds
    Corollary: It should
    MacGillicuddy’s Corollary: At the most inopportune time
    Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson
    Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
    Extension sent by 
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
    Extreme version:
    If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
    Extreme version sent by 
  • If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
  • If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
    Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
    Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
  • Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
    Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
    Corollary sent by Dave M.
  • Mother nature is a bitch
    Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
    Addendum sent by 
  • Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
    Things get worse under pressure.
  • The Murphy Philosophy
    Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
  • Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws
    Everything goes wrong all at once.
  • Murphy’s Constant
    Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
  • Murphy’s Law of Research
    Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
  • Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
    Sent by Tony ’68
  • Addition to Murphy’s Laws
    In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right … something is wrong.
  • More Laws
  • Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
  • It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
    Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
  • Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  • Everything takes longer than you think.
  • Everything takes longer than it takes.
    Sent by Jon Carpenter
  • If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  • Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
  • Every solution breeds new problems.
  • The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
  • no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy’s law will take effect and screw it up.
    Sent by Mitch
  • You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
    Sent by Paul Breen
  • The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
  • A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
  • A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
  • If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
  • A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
  • If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
  • If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.
  • More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
    Sent by Ralph
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • If your looking for more than one thing, you’ll find the most important one last.
    Sent by Alegna
  • It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
    Sent by Peter
  • After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
    Sent by Dizzy
  • You have to look where you lost it.
    Sent by ClaytonPrc@aol.com
  • No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
  • Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
  • If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
  • If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  • Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
  • There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
  • When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
  • Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
  • Murphy’s golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
  • A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  • In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • No good deed goes unpunished.
    Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks “who wrote that?”.
    Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain.
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
    Sent by Woody.
  • Erma Bombeck
    “Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
    Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.
  • Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
    The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
    the worse you know when this will happen,
    and vice-versa.
    and Relativistic correction of Murphy’s law:
    Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
    Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
    Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
    Were sent by Simone Penzavalle.
  • If you want something bad enough, chances are you won’t get it.
  • If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
  • When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
  • Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
  • Remember the “Boomer-rang” effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
  • If you re-act to actions, you’ve acted on actions.
  • He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
    The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,
    Thank you.
  • Any time you put an item in a “safe place”, it will never be seen again.
  • Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
  • The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
  • No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
    (getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
  • The fish are always biting….yesterday!
  • You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
    Sent by Sean Murphy
  • The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
  • Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
  • The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
    EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,
    Thank you.
  • When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
    Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason
    Or in another version
    The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
    Sent by Steve
  • Cole’s Law:
    Thinly sliced cabbage.
    Sent by Michael
  • Being dead right, won’t make you any less dead.
    and
    Having the right of way, won’t make you any less dead.
    Sent by anonymous
  • Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.
  • Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don’t want to do it.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
    The four last laws were sent by Joe
  • Crespins law of observation:
    the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
    Sent by R. Crespin esq.
  • If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
    Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway.
  • A knowledge of Murphy’s Law is no help in any situation.
  • If you apply Murphy’s Law, it will no longer be applicable.
  • If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
  • no matter where I go, there I am
    Sent by John Davenport
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
    Sent by Woody
  • Murphy’s Law Current Revision
    Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
    You just haven’t been notified.
  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” but “That’s funny…”
    Said by Isaac Asimov
  • A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his “Gamble’s Law” which says that “The letter box is always on the other side of the road”
  • If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
  • If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
    Sent by Timothy Boilard
  • Waxman’s Law:
    Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
    Last two laws were sent by Del Ross
  • Skarstad’s Observation
    You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
    Sent by Gayle
  • If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
    Sent by Greg
  • all good things come to those who wait…
    but , don’t wait too long or they will pass you by…
    like 2 ships that pass in the night…
    never again to return that same exact site.
    Sent by Jujuakita
  • If anything was worth doing, it would’ve already been done.
    Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
    Sent by D-D-D-Dave
  • You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water
    Sent by John
  • Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
    Sent by anonymous
  • Long’s Law
    Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
    Sent by Chris Moore
  • McFalls’ Maxim
    No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
    Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you’re still screwed.
    Sent by Oliver McFalls
  • Hunter’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:
    Things always go from bad to worse.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Beauty:
    Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Experts:
    An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Sugarcoating:
    All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
  • Hunter’s Observation on hypocrites:
    A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
  • Hunter’s Observation on Education and Oz:
    “We can give you a diploma, but we can’t give you a brain.”
    The last six laws were sent by Hunter
  • Sgt. Murphy’s Law
    Don’t get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
    Sent by Bird Waring
  • The Law of Stupid Tricks
    Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
    Sent by Zenjive
  • Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
    Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you’ll have.
    Sent by Magycke
  • Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
    Sent by Mike
  • Things are never as good as they are bad.
    Sent by Scott Miller
  • Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.
    Sent by Regards Walter citing Terry Pratchett
  • The Wingwalker’s Rule:
    Don’t let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
    Sent by D. Kinloch.
  • A bird in the hand is messy.
    Sent by Ted Machler
  • The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
    Sent by Jenny Pitt
  • When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
    Sent by Pieter
  • If Murphy’s law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic – Steven Wright
    Sent by Deke
  • If Murphy’s Law can go wrong it will.
    Sent by Mark
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come…
    Sent by Yaron Budowski
  • If at first you don’t succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
    Sent by Damien Hope
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
    If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town….
    Sent by Sharon Murphy
  • If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
    Sent by Jeronimo
  • Warneke Law
    You cannot force Murphy’s Law to happen and you can’t use it in reverse.
    Sent by Warneke
  • When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
    Sent by mark peacock
  • Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
    Think about it, complete the circle.
    Sent by Sam Diggly who’s dad told her this law after she got married.
  • It takes forever to learn the rules and once you’ve learned them they change again.
    Sent by Tracey Goldstein
  • The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
    the pessimist fears this is true.
    Sent by what’d ya say?
  • You will find an easy way to do it, after you’ve finished doing it.
    Sent by Conan Rock
  • Hofstadter’s Law:
    It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
    Sent by Ben Jones
  • In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it’s as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.
    Sent by Lois Weiner
  • The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
    Sent by G B
  • Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
  • The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
    Sent by Keith Hipkins
  • Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
    Sent by Bryan Ortiz
  • Window polishing:
    It’s always on the other side.
    Sent by Jakob Sultan
  • Hall’s Law:
    Anyone who isn’t paranoid simply isn’t paying attention.
    Sent by Colin
  • (Another) Hall’s Law
    Minor problem isn’t.
    Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall
  • A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
  • If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you’ll push it to that distance.
    The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones
  • If it looks good,
    And it taste good,
    And it feels good,
    There has got to be something wrong some where,
    So be careful.
    Sent by Shirley Cameron
  • Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
    Sent by Robert Dion
  • The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
    Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com
  • No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
  • Behind every little problem there’s a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
    The last two laws were sent by Robert K White
  • When you really need something, its either not available, or can’t be found.  When you don’t need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
    Sent by Robert Van Sile
  • Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
    Sent by Jeff S
  • Law of Conservation of Filth:
    In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
    Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
    It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
    Sent by Scott Tietjen,  AKA, “Great Scott”
  • The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
    Sent by Larry
  • Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
    Sent by G Martin
  • Gumperson’s Law:
    The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
    Sent by Ken Kaplan
  • Uffelman’s Razor:
    [Given Murphy’s law, …] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
    Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman’s Razor:
    Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.

    • Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to “fake” the Apollo moon landing.
      Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the “evidence” of the “faked” landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.
    • Example 2: The Warren Report.
      Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts.

    copyright 1995, 2002. David G. Uffelman

  • Probability law:
    Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
    Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won’t happen.
    Sent by Sylvain Galibert
  • Common Sense Is Not So Common
  • Power Is Taken… Not Given
    Sent by John  Burke
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right. It usually takes three or four.
  • If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
    The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites
  • When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
    Sent by Rivers
  • Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
    Solon, ancient Greece
    Sent by Red
  • key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
    Sent by Divya
  • The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
    Sent by Ross Henderson
    and another version to this law
    The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
    Sent by Martin and Henrik from Denmark
  • Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
    Sent by Anonymousepad
  • Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
    Sent by GL Roberts
  • If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
    Sent by Bob Holdegraver
  • If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn’t go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
    Sent by John Wilson
  • Common sense isn’t.
    Sent by Joe Facchini
  • The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
    Sent by Mark M Stevens
  • The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
    Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy
  • Those who don’t take decisions never make mistakes.
    Sent by Asier Zabarte
  • The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can’t last forever.
    Sent by Taranis Valerin
  • Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
  • Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
  • If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
  • The only time you’re right, is when its about being wrong.
  • The only times something’s right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
    The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel
  • If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.
    Sent by Pat M.
  • Its never so bad it couldn’t be worse.
    Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders
  • Andrew’s Law
    When saying that things can not possibly get any worse – they will
    Sent by Andrew Milbourne
  • Murphy’s Metalaw
    Knowing Murphy’s Law will never help.
  • Occult Principle of Murphism
    To know Murphy’s Law is to draw its attention.
  • Avoidance Law
    If for some reason Murphy’s Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
  • Hermetic Murphism
    As above, so below.
  • The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
  • Buddha’s Version of Murphy’s Law
    Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.
  • Fleming’s corollary:
    Nothing ever gets better.
  • Murphologist’s Curse
    Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy’s Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
    The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax
  • The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
  • Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
  • Law of cooperatives
    In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
    The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba
  • Mr. Murphy warning:
    Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
    If something goes wrong, it’s Mr. Murphy’s fault.
    Last two laws were sent by Frank O’Neal
  • Mrs. Murphy’s Law
    If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame
    Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com
  • Lewis’ Axiom
    The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
    Sent by Robert Lewis
  • Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
    Sent by Nabeel
  • Another name for Murphy’s law: The law of conservation of misery
    Sent by Achten
  • Carvalheiro’s deduction
    If in a particular circumstance Murphy’s law don’t apply, then something must be wrong
    Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro
  • Sharad’s Law
    If Murphy’s law is right then it will go wrong
    Sent by Sharad Bhandari
  • A law about websites:
    The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
    Sent by Shaunna
  • Laws about this site:
    The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.
    Sent by Sathish
  • This site won’t open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are
    Sent by Dinni
  • Remember:
    Shit happens
  • Murphy’s law is intrinsic.
    Sent by wolfram
  • And on the eighth day God said;”O.K. Murphy, you take over!
    Sent by Robert A. Silvestri
  • Larry Niven’s summary of Murphy’s Law:
    The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
    Sent by Kevin Boland
  • The road to success is always under construction
    By Anton Figg (?)
  • If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn’t, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
    Sent by 
  • Bralek’s Rule for Success:
    Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you.
    Sent by 
  • whatever was supposed to happen, won’t
    Sent by 
  • You can’t expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
  • You cant reason with the stupid
    The last two laws were sent by 
  • If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
    Sent by 
  • Clemens’ Law
    In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
    Clemens’ Law short form
    People are stupid.
    Sent by 
  • What goes in must come out.
    Unless it’s the other way around.
    Sent by 
  • Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
    Sent by 
  • Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
  • Berneathys directional dichotomy
    West is always East of somewhere
  • Berneathys formula fact
    Instruction manuals are for losers
  • Berneathys guide theorem
    You’re only lost if you admit it
  • Berneathys gravitational paradox
    If gravity is all around us, why can’t you push a fat dog down the stairs?
    Last five laws were sent by 
  • Wet Law
    A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet
  • Pack Rat’s Law
    All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity
  • Wife’s Law
    Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
    Reply:
    Anything over-done isn’t worth the extra effort
    Last three laws were sent by 
  • It’s no the drop that kills you…. its the sudden stop
    Sent by 
  • When things are going right, you won’t notice
  • The cleverness of Murphy’s Laws is inverse proportion to the number of laws
    last two laws were sent by 
  • The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum
    Sent by 
  • and never forget O’Toole’s Corollary or
    Sod’s Law or
    McGillicuddy Law
    Murphy was an optimist
    Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren’t there?
    Or in other words:
    someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
    The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
    You get all the credit for the dumb move.
    Murphy was an extreme optimist!
    Says Charles L. Mays
  • And we’ll end this page with something optimistic (don’t hit me).
    Don’t worry about Murphy’s Law, you know it’s gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
    Sent by Ruth Beaty
  • The humor of Murphy’s Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
    If you make it through a Murphy Day…you win!

 

Send in any changes, additions or corrections.

She’s A Girl, If She Can’t Get Laid, It’s Her Fault

If a girl went into the forrest, and said I want some dick tonight, guys from 1000’s of miles away would be there shortly. What’s wrong with this girl? Most of the time, girls decide when the pounding is going to go down because they get offered some dick about 100 times a day. Just look at the high school teachers. They pick out the one and start wailing away.

A Harris County constable deputy is facing scrutiny after a TikTok post went viral suggesting she planned to issue tickets indiscriminately because of a lack of intimacy in her personal life, as reported by The New York Post.

The post, made by Harris County Precinct 5 Deputy Jennifer Escalera, has sparked public backlash and prompted an internal affairs investigation.

The video, which has since been deleted, showed Deputy Escalera in uniform writing on a notepad.

The caption over the clip read, “Didn’t get cracked last night so everyone is getting a ticket,” suggesting that her ticketing decisions might be influenced by her personal frustrations. Although parts of her uniform were blurred, Escalera’s name tag remained visible in the footage.

Dildo On The Court, WNBA Laughingstock Again

A WNBA game between the Atlanta Dream and the Golden State Valkyries was interrupted on Tuesday night after a bizarre object was thrown on to the floor late in the fourth quarter.

The Valkyries had rebounded a miss with about one minute left in the game when the object flew from the stands and down onto the court. The object bounced a few times away from the ballhandler and then toward the near sideline.

it was a green dildo and the girls all knew what it was.

story

I mean look at their faces. I’ll bet those lesbians know the brand and what kind of batteries it takes.

I makes the WNBA more of a joke. Then, they let the other teams beat the shit out of Caitlin Clark, the only reason anyone ever turns on a WNBA game.

Bugs Bunny Turns 85: The Cartoon Icon’s Impact Still Resonates 

Bugs is my favorite. I liked Jonny Quest also, but they didn’t make enough episodes and it kind of was the same episode every week. Every Jeopardy answer I get on Opera is from Bugs. He was the most anti-PC character before Beavis and Butthead

Not Bugs.

Bugs Bunny cartoon advertisement.

(LMPC via Getty Images)

Hans von Spakovsky is the manager of the Election Law Reform Initiative and a senior legal fellow in the Edwin Meese III Center for Legal and Judicial Studies at The Heritage Foundation.

I know, I know. We have been in the midst of a blizzard of important domestic and world events this summer, from the final week of the Supreme Court’s term with a slew of important decisions to the fight over the “Big, Beautiful Bill” to the war in the Middle East and the Russian/Ukrainian conflict. We also just celebrated the 249th birthday of the United States.   

But in the midst of all this, we should not forget the 85th birthday of that beloved all-American trickster and practical joker, Bugs Bunny. A look back at the original cartoon series shows just how much that rabbit reflected the culture, the politics, and the patriotism of the times and how some of his antics wouldn’t play well for the woke generation of today.  

On July 27, 1940, the wisecracking, mouthy bunny with a Brooklyn accent got his official start in the Looney Tunes classic “A Wild Hare,” in which he bamboozles and confuses the most unsuccessful and hapless hunter in American history, Elmer Fudd, for the first of many times.  

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For the past 85 years, in addition to Elmer Fudd, Bugs Bunny has been trouncing, defeating, and outtalking a host of surly but memorable characters, including Yosemite Sam, the roughest, toughest hombre east of the Pecos; Porky “Th-Th-Th-That’s all, folks” Pig; and Daffy Duck. Elmer Fudd never managed to catch that wascally wabbit, and the same goes for Daffy Duck, who was never able to outsmart Bugs or get the better of him.  

Trouncing, defeating, and outtalking a host of surly characters? Gosh, who does that remind you of in today’s political world? 

There are even two cartoons, “Operation: Rabbit” (1952) and “To Hare is Human” (1956), in which Wile E. Coyote is up against Bugs Bunny instead of his usual opponent, the Road Runner, who is on vacation, with the same disastrous results. Wile E. Coyote actually speaks in that second cartoon, something he does not do in any other appearance, except by holding up a sign, usually about something stupid that he just did. 

Don’t you wish there really was a company like ACME, Wile E. Coyote’s go-to company for equipment? I know Amazon comes close, but it just doesn’t have the same expansive inventory as ACME of bombs, cannons, TNT, anvils, missiles, rocket sleds, and every other kind of fiendish device our fevered imaginations can imagine. 

While kids have always liked these cartoons, they were really designed by adults for adults, since they were shown in movie theaters before the feature films. The original cartoons contain many politically incorrect scenes that these days would get them instantly criticized by the “woke police,” another reason they remain so timeless.   

While Bugs Bunny was the main star, he had a host of other colleagues who appeared in other cartoons, including Pepe le Pew, Foghorn Leghorn, and Sylvester the cat, to name just a few. Besides Bugs Bunny, I have to admit that Foghorn Leghorn, the loud, blustering, overbearing rooster, is one of my other favorites characters, in large part because he resembles so many of the politicians one encounters here in the nation’s capital.   

Speaking of politicians, you shouldn’t miss “Ballot Box Bunny” (1951), where Bugs runs against Yosemite Sam for mayor of a small town. They play every trick you can imagine on each other to try to win—not too different from the tricks we see in real campaigns today—and Yosemite Sam’s campaign promises alone are worth watching. Bugs and Sam spend so much time attacking each other that, in the end, they are both beaten by a dark horse—in this case, literally a dark horse. Fortunately, neither of them is prosecuted by an overzealous U.S. Justice Department. 

While Daffy Duck may have never gotten the better of Bugs Bunny, he was the first American duck to go into space to battle aliens in 1953, long before Harrison Ford in “Star Wars,” when he fought Marvin the Martian in “Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century,” a takeoff on the “Buck Rogers” serial that premiered in movie houses in 1939. One of the cleverest of the Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny confrontations also premiered in 1953. In “Duck Amuck,” an unidentified animator keeps changing Daffy’s shape, location, and even his voice. Of course, it turns out in the end that the animator is Bugs Bunny. 

But getting back to the woke police, there was actually criticism of Pepe le Pew as supposedly glorifying a sexual harasser and of Elmer Fudd for carrying a gun. In fact, the idiots at HBO Max decreed that Fudd had to be gun-free in their reboot of Looney Tunes in 2020. Just more proof that liberals really have no sense of humor, something the Babylon Bee proves every day. 

Bugs Bunny was a star for Warner Bros., the Hollywood studio started in 1923 by the four Warner brothers, Harry, Albert, Sam, and Jack. The animators at Warner Bros. created 167 brilliant and memorable Bugs Bunny cartoons during the golden age of American animation. I don’t count more recently produced Bugs Bunny cartoons, all of which lack the comedy, wit, and cleverness of the originals. These were cartoons created by adults for adults with a mischievous sense of humor. 

While Bugs Bunny always came out on top, he was not infallible. There were actually three cartoons that were takeoffs on the Aesop fairy tale about the race between the tortoise and the hare: “Tortoise Beats Hare” (1941), “Tortoise Wins by a Hare” (1943), and “Rabbit Transit” (1947). In each one, the tortoise gets the better of Bugs Bunny, including “Rabbit Transit,” in which Bugs Bunny actually wins the race but then is arrested by the police for speeding.   

Whenever he went on vacation, Bugs Bunny always took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. Having been to “Albukoykee,” as Bugs Bunny pronounces it, I can understand why. Those wrong turns led him to some dangerous places, including the middle of a bull ring in Mexico in “Bully for Bugs” (1953) or Nazi Germany in “Herr Meets Hare” (1945), where he confronted Adolf Hitler and Hermann Göering, and Bugs imitates Joseph Stalin.  

Speaking of Nazi Germany, Bugs did go to war like a lot of Hollywood during World War II. He became an honorary master sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps after he appeared in a Marine Corps dress blue uniform in “Super-Rabbit” (1943). Some of these wartime cartoons like “Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips” (1944) have been “banned” by oversensitive cartoon channels because of the racial or ethnic stereotypes used at the time. Bugs Bunny even got drafted during the Korean War in “Forward March Hare” (1952) when he got his neighbor’s draft notice by mistake. And no, he did not abscond to Canada to avoid service. 

If you love opera, you can’t beat the Bugs Bunny versions. Turns out that the directors and animators were all big opera fans. So, we have “The Rabbit of Seville” (1950) and “What’s Opera, Doc?” (1957), where Bugs and Elmer Fudd give us their versions of great Rossini and Wagner operas. You have to be an opera fan to get the joke at the end of “The Rabbit of Seville,” which was a takeoff of Rossini’s “The Barber of Seville.” At the end, Bugs drops Elmer Fudd into a huge cake that is labeled “The Marriage of Figaro,” which was Mozart’s version of “The Barber of Seville.” 

And what better way is there to learn about English or American history than watching the story of Robin Hood in “Rabbit Hood” (1945) or the American Revolution in “Bunker Hill Bunny” (1950). Or if you love the great American pastime, don’t miss “Baseball Bugs” (1946). Bugs Bunny takes on the Gas-House Gorillas in the Polo Grounds in New York City, the original home of both the Mets and the Yankees, playing all of the positions. He wins the game when he makes the ultimate play—catching a flyball at the top of the “Umpire” State Building, which he reaches by taking a cab from the baseball field to the skyscraper.  

There are many well-known lines from famous movies that have entered our culture, including from great classics like “Casablanca”: “I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here,” or “Round up the usual suspects,” and the Bugs Bunny cartoons have those, too.   

All of the voices in the original cartoons were voiced by the brilliant Mel Blanc, probably the most talented and versatile voice that ever came out of Hollywood. One of his most repeated lines as Bugs Bunny besides “What’s up, Doc?” is “Of course, you realize, this means war.” Or “He don’t know me very well.”  

And one of Bugs Bunny’s commonly uttered derisions, “What a maroon,” comes to mind fairly often as I watch a slew of liberal politicians and left-wing activists at work in Washington each day. 

So, happy birthday, Bugs Bunny. You may be 85 years old, but you will always remain young in our hearts and a hare-raiser on the screen.   

That’s all folks!  

Paraprosdokians (Figures of Speech)

Posting will be light this week due to relatives invading.
This is a repost, but it has drawn a lot of interest so I thought others would like it.
First time I heard about parasprosdokians, I liked them. Sometimes known as Arasprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.
 (Winston Churchill loved them)
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you … but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify…” I answered, “a doctor.”
11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
12. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
13. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
14. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
16.  I’m supposed to respect my elders but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
17.  I’m not arguing with you, I’m explaining why you are wrong.

Tired Of Obamacare Yet? You’re Really Going To Be Pissed Off Now

What about this plan that they told Americans wasn’t a lie? Bet they told Congress and the Insurance companies to start the kickbacks because the money floodgates are open for good.

Medical care costs are surging already. A big leap is coming.

Health Care Shock Coming

The Wall Street Journal reports Obamacare Insurers Seek Double-Digit Premium Hikes Next Year

If you buy your own health insurance, you are probably going to pay more next year—a lot more.

Insurers are seeking hefty 2026 rate increases for Affordable Care Act marketplace plans, the coverage known as Obamacare. Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Illinois wants a 27% hike, while its sister Blue Cross plan in Texas is asking for 21%. The largest ACA plans in Washington state, Georgia and Rhode Island are all looking for premiums to surge more than 20%.

The companies say the big increases are needed because of higher healthcare costs and changing federal policy, including cuts to subsidies that help consumers pay for plans. The higher premiums would come after years of enrollment growth and mostly single-digit rate increases in the Obamacare market, where individuals and families buy insurance for themselves. About 24 million people have ACA plans.

At the request of The Wall Street Journal, the health-research nonprofit KFF analyzed the rate requests for the largest ACA plans by enrollment in 17 states where the insurers’ filings have already become public, as well as the District of Columbia. They showed that some of the biggest national ACA players, including Centene and Elevance Health, are seeking double-digit increases in several states. The Blue Cross & Blue Shield plans of Texas and Illinois are both owned by Health Care Service, a giant nonprofit.

Most Obamacare enrollees’ monthly insurance bills will go up substantially next year because of reductions in federal subsidies that help pay for their coverage. Enhanced payments passed by Congress in 2021 will lapse at the end of December. The drop-off in subsidies is both helping to drive higher premiums and making it harder for many consumers to pay them.

Some people “are going to be hit with this double whammy” of bigger monthly insurance bills and losing the subsidy that blunts their cost, said Cynthia Cox, a vice president at KFF.

In rate filings, some insurers said tariffs could add to the cost of drugs and medical supplies.

story

The Best Of Introvert Memes – Part 3

by this time, I was getting the hang of it and there was a lot of good stuff that hadn’t been replayed over and over. I think by the end of this best of, I finally decided on a title that I’ve stuck with.

Introvert Meme Time

Introvert Meme’s

Introvert Meme’s

Introvert Memes