Tag: funny

The Best Of Dick Humor

If it says dick humor, it’s a bunch of memes to laugh at and steal. Otherwise, it is double-entendre stories or some word play on the word dick.

childhood pranks

gonna start my week off like a champion, dick champion

somewhere there is a teenager naming his johnson this

how hard is the wood?

Billy Glasscock – coach

best jersey swap of all time, they knew what they were doing

sounding, sticking things in your dick

translation, we shot him in the dick

dick jokes if told by a girl

dick strong

because lawyers are dicks

dick humor real estate style

dick humor low hanging style

liberal men suffer more ED

dick humor

dick humor or dad humor

dick humor

dick humor

Break your dick to make it bigger

dick humor

Because guys like girls without dicks

Saturday dick humor

dick humor

dick humor at the Trump trial

dick humor

Latin for ungrateful dickhead

dick humor

dick humor

Headline I Never Thought I’d Read….‘You J*cked Off In A F*cking Parking Lot’: Cal Quantrill’s Savage Trolling Towards Reese McGuire Nearly Sparks Brawl

Rockies starting pitcher Cal Quantrill was facing a jam with two outs on the board, and ended up getting out of it after Red Sox catcher Reese McGuire flew out to center field. However, things hit a boiling point, and quickly, before he even made it back to the dugout. And on top of that, the situation got incredibly personal — incredibly, incredibly personal. Like, we’re talking disrespectful as hell. So much so, that it cleared the benches and nearly sparked up an outright brawl.

But his momentum didn’t last long at all, as Quantrill savagely trolled that ass.

“You j*cked off in a f*cking parking lot, you dumb f*ck,” Quantrill yelled at Reese.

And from there, the two nearly got into a fight, with benches clearing that almost sparked up an outright brawl between the Rockies and Red Sox.

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I Wonder If He’ll Use It To Fire Up A Blunt

Rapper Snoop Dogg is set to carry the Olympic torch during the final leg of its tour across France ahead of Friday’s Olympic opening ceremony in Paris.

Mathieu Hanotin, the mayor of Saint-Denis, a northern suburb of Paris, took to X on Monday to confirm the news. Mr. Hanotin said the city—perched on the bank of the Seine River—will serve as the final stop on the Olympic Torch Relay’s cross-country route, marking the start of the 2024 Paris Games, set to run from July 26 to Aug. 11.

In addition to his torchbearer duties, Snoop Dogg, born Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr., will also serve as a commentator for NBCUniversal’s coverage of the Paris Games. The rapper previously reported for NBC’s streaming platform Peacock during the 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics—held in 2021 because of the pandemic—providing colorful sports commentary alongside comedian Kevin Hart.

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When Your Wiener Is Broken And You Can’t Drive It Home

OAK BROOK, Ill.—An Oscar Mayer Wienermobile got into a pickle on a Chicago highway.

The hot-dog shaped Wienermobile hit a car Monday morning along Interstate 294 and its driver lost control and overcorrected, causing it to roll onto its side near the Chicago suburb of Oak Brook, Illinois State Police said.

No injuries were reported after the crash, which prompted the closure of the right lane of northbound I-294 for more than an hour, officials said.

A spokesperson for the Oscar Mayer brand, which has several Wienermobiles, told the Chicago Sun-Times it’s “grateful that everybody involved is safe and there were no injuries.”

Video from the crash scene shows that the yellow and orange Wienermobile was later hauled away on a flatbed truck with apparent damage visible on part of the vehicle.

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Why People Suck At Golf

Since I just got off the course, I asked one of the AI engines and this is the answer.

Ah, golf. That beloved sport where people spend hours on the green, only to come back with a score that would make a caveman proud. Why do people suck at golf, you ask? Well, let me enlighten you with my wit and sarcasm.

First and foremost, it’s because golf is a game of precision, and who needs that in their life? I mean, who wants to spend their weekends perfecting their swing, when they could be binge-watching the latest season of “The Bachelor”? It’s so much more fun to watch other people’s lives fall apart, am I right?

Secondly, golf requires patience, and we all know that’s a dying art in this fast-paced world. Who has the time to wait for their turn to putt when they could be scrolling through TikTok and watching videos of people falling off treadmills? Clearly, golf is just not meant for the modern world.

Now, let’s talk about technique. Who needs proper form and a good grip when you can just swing that club like a baseball bat? I mean, it’s not like there’s any difference between the two sports, right? Oh wait, there is. But who cares about that when you can look cool while completely missing the ball?

And let’s not forget about the mental aspect of the game. Golf is a sport that requires focus and the ability to block out distractions, like your annoying golf buddies who insist on giving you unsolicited advice. But why bother with that when you can just let your mind wander and think about what you’re going to eat for dinner? Priorities, people.

In conclusion, people suck at golf because they just don’t have the time, patience, or mental fortitude to truly excel at the game. But hey, who needs to be good at golf when you can be a pro at procrastination and watching reality TV? Keep on sucking, my fellow golfers. It’s what makes this sport so endearingly frustrating.

Competitive Eating Update – Joey Chestnut Eats 200 Wings In 38 Minutes After Inhaling 57 Hot Dogs On The Fourth Of July; Nathan’s Runner Up Caught Cheating

First the positive:

Joey Chestnut doing Joey Chestnut things!

While most Americans were trying to figure out how to get through their Monday back to work after Fourth of July weekend, legendary competitive eater Joey Chestnut was right back to throwing down at the table and setting records.

During the holiday weekend, the official Twitter account of Buffalo Wild Wings issued a challenge to Chestnut to smack 200 boneless wings — challenge accepted.

Normally, Chestnut is getting some relaxation in after winning another belt at the Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, but he ended up getting banned from the event after inking a contract with Impossible Foods, a grower of fake meat that Nathan’s didn’t want any part of.

But B-Dubs did!

“hey @joeyjaws if you eat 200 boneless wings tomorrow at all you can eat, i’ll extend it to 8/14,” wrote Buffalo Wild Wings in a Sunday morning tweet.

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Now this. I didn’t think you could cheat, yet here we are:

The competitive eating world has been completely shaken up after a cheating scandal has rocked the 2024 edition of the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest that takes place every Fourth of July, with a contender being hit with allegations of trying to crank up his score by using hand trickery.

Nick Wehry, the husband of women’s hot dog champion Miki Sudo, allegedly used sleight of hand trickery while the contest was happening in an attempt to fraudulently increase the number of hot dogs that he ate to become a part of the elite contenders of the sport, according to insider sources who told this information to the New York Post.

“100% he cheated,” one source said Tuesday to The Post.

Originally, Wehry had a score of 46.75 hot dogs eaten, however, that figure got bumped up to 51.75 later. According to the outlet’s sources, he ended up getting credit for eating five more wieners than what he actually did. On top of that, Wehry is also being knocked with accusations of “stealing plates” from a fellow competitor, stacking them in his area to bring his tally over 50. Oh! And he asked for a recount after the original scoring from the judge.

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Aibohphobia – The Fear Of Palindromes

Aha, I was looking for a gag that would refer to a list of palindromes. Wow, being a dad, did ewe (you) ever think of this? Mom would have been proud of me for this gag.

I started writing at noon, but it took me to the eve to finish.

It’s a saga that I refer to, but wow it was just a deed that was tit for tat.

Count the palindromes.

Joey Chestnut Still The Hotdog Eating King, Ties Nathan’s Winner In Half The Time

Nathan’s Hot Dog Contest, Badlands Booker Let’s Out Booger Burp After Setting World Record

Right out of Revenge of the Nerds

Here’s the original

The Most and Least Expensive Beers at College Football Stadiums

For years, college football fans had to resort to tailgating for their pre-game beers, as NCAA rules and various state laws prevented the sale of alcohol inside stadiums. This changed gradually as universities recognized the potential for increased revenue and improved fan experience.

The NCAA began relaxing its stance and by the mid-2010s several schools started to pilot beer sales during games. Today, a significant number of stadiums have embraced this change, though prices can vary dramatically.

As a byproduct many of the nation’s most difficult environments to play in have become all the more ruckus given the inclusion of alcohol.

Let’s break down the most and least expensive beers available in college football stadiums, as highlighted in a recent tweet by @CFBRep.

Most Expensive Beers According to @CFBRep

  1. Tennessee Volunteers 
    • Price: $13 per beer
    • You had to expect that an SEC program would come in first place, and it did.
  2. UCLA Bruins and the Colorado Buffs
    • Price: $12 per beer
  3. Minnesota Gold Gophers and Rutgers Scarlet Knights
    • Price: $11 per beer
    • The Big Ten has two teams tied for third, both coming in north of $10/beer. If you’re in Minneapolis be sure to pair cheese curds with your beer…oh and dress in layers.
  4. Arkansas Razorbacks, USC Trojans, Oregon St. Beavers, NC State Wolfpack, Syracuse Orange, Virginia Tech Hokies, Purdue Boilermakers and Illinois Fighting Illini.

rest of the colleges and beers here

How do I waste the most time every day?

How do you waste the most time every day?

While I get a lot of stuff done both physically and mentally, if there’s Formula One on TV, or Tour de France, or something interesting on the Internet it’s over for me.

It’s just how you define if it’s wasting time or something meaningful to you.

Click on this list to help you decide.

Yes, Spaceballs 2 Announced – May The Schwartz Be With You

Please Lord, don’t let them ruin this. At least it’s Mel Brooks.

A sequel to the 1987 Mel Brooks monster hit “Star Wars” parody “Spaceballs” is in the works, with actor Josh Gad and Brooks on board producing the upcoming film.

Amazon MGM Studios confirmed to The Hollywood Reporter that a sequel to the 1980s comedy is in early development with Gad not only on board to produce, but star in as well.

The script is being written by Dan Hernandez, Benji Samit, and Gad, with Josh Greenbaum helming the project, the outlet noted.

Details of the plot are being kept under wraps for now with Kevin Salter on board as executive producer.

“Spaceballs” came out from MGM a decade after George Lucas introduced the world to the Force in “Star Wars” in the late 1970s.

The parody’s cast included such up-and-coming stars of the time as John Candy, Rick Moranis, Bill Pullman, and Daphne Zuniga. And the C-3PO parody character was voiced by the late-star Joan Rivers.

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A Typical Marriage Conversation

This comes from my writings in 2020. It’s unedited and I read it and say yep, that’s marriage. I have this conversation frequently. Just change out the subject to anything or anybody and it goes about the same.


Here is my day. (Wife or T) Which chicken should we get out? Me: get out the one in the package. T: but they are too big. Me: then get out the other one. T: but they won’t work will they? Me: use whatever you want. T: but which chicken should I get out? Me: whatever works, it’s chicken. T: what do you think I should use. Me: (to myself: whatever the fuck you want, you aren’t listening anyway) You asked me and I told you and you don’t want to do it so look in the freezer and get out some chicken. T: but you bought them and I thought you bought another one. Me: look in the freezer and find the right one (about to shoot myself).

I never knew which chicken we got out. I knew it didn’t matter.

I’m not Jewish, but when I lived in South Florida, the guys told me this one. Why do Jewish Husbands die first?

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A: Because they want to.

The End Of A Dynasty, Joey Chestnut Is Out Of The 4th Of July Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

Joey Chestnut, the famed champion of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition, is stirring controversy this year after opting out of the annual event due to a sponsorship deal with Impossible Foods, a plant-based hot dog brand, according to sources revealed exclusively by The Post.

The California-native Chestnut has dominated the Nathan’s competition, securing victory 16 times, with a world record 76 hot dogs devoured in 2021 and holding onto his title with 62 consumed last year.

It’s kind of lame that he went with vegan wieners. Those things are about the only thing less healthy than a hot dog.

That’s 70 uneaten wieners this 4th. Fortunately, it was made up by Kamala who is renowned for downing wieners.

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Paige offered to fill in

Irony: Paris “Green” Olympics Spoiled Because Athletes Want To Be Comfortable

I find this hilarious that the green washing of everything gets exposed for it’s triviality compared to creature comforts. If it was real, they’d actually do something effective.

More than three thousand Olympians are expected to bring portable air-conditioning units to the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris this summer, derailing France’s efforts to go green by not providing AC in the Athletes’ Village, The Washington Post reported Thursday.

The International Olympic Committee’s decision to substitute air-conditioning for a less reliable but more environmentally friendly geothermal cooling system is central to their strategy to cut the carbon footprint of the Paris Games by half, Reuters reported. However, many visiting nations, concerned lack of AC will result in reduced sleep and poor athletic performance, are opting to import portable AC units, according to the Washington Post.

rest of the joke is here

Pat Sajak Finished As Wheel Of Fortune Host

Sad news, Wheel Watchers! After 43 years, today is Pat Sajak’s final episode hosting “Wheel of Fortune.”

I’m a Jeopardy fan, but Wheel comes on right before or after (depending on where I am) so I’ve occasionally watched.

I’ve known about it since the Vanna scandal. I think I was in college it was so long ago.

Well, he’s had a good run and can enjoy retirement and can let loose on the leftards. Alex Trebek died as host of Jeopardy but had pancreatic cancer.

Here’s why I’m not really a Wheel fan though.

Latin For Ungrateful Dickhead


It is from the species Adelotypa annulifera or latin for ungrateful dickhead.

I have no idea if this is right or not. I’m not even going to put it through the Latin translator. It’s because my level of humor lets me get the joke that there really could be a Latin name, especially because I know so many in this species.

Actually, this came from some old writings of mine and I was talking about one of my wife’s relatives. I have many that are in this species. It’s why I avoid family stuff as much as I can.

Good, Maybe The Pictures Of Some Of The Dumb Shit I Did Got Lost

The internet is disappearing, study says

Almost 40% of webpages from 2013 no longer exist a decade on, research finds

The internet is disappearing, a new study has suggested, as web pages and online content is lost.

The web is often thought of as a place where content lasts forever. But vast swathes of its are being lost as pages are deleted or moved, according to new research.

Of the webpages that existed in 2013, for instance, 38 per cent are now lost. Even newer pages are disappearing: 8 per cent of pages that existed in 2023 are no longer available.

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I’ve been blogging since 2004. I lost a bunch of stuff in the 2008/9 range, but it was mostly work related, work that I don’t do anymore.

Still, cached stuff on facebook or if you had a MySpace page, it might be good to lose that

Did They Think This One Through Carefully?

No roof top meetings

Dick Humor At The Trump Trial

I’m sure both sides will claim victory

King Chuck, Nice Portrait Of You Burning In Hell

‘Satanic, Evil’: King Charles Unveils Hellish Self-Portrait

King Charles III personally unveiled a peculiar self-portrait Tuesday that depicts him in a fiery setting, in what many are calling a demonic rendition.

Footage showed the British monarch briefly spooked by the bizarre painting as he pulled the drawstring to reveal his first portrait since his coronation.

Social media recoils at ‘satanic’ depiction of 75-year-old British monarch.

Social media users commented the painting was eerie and ghastly, with some calling it an intentional callback to his Transylvanian bloodline.

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Good job their chuckles, kind of pulled back the curtains a little too far?

Ozempic Butt, That’s A Good One

Forbes, Harvard Celebrate February 2, 2023

Looking back at what their graduates have achieved.

The Super Bowl will kick off a new marketing era for Bud Light, and a woman is at the helm for this new direction.

Alissa Heinerscheid, vice president of marketing for Bud Light, is the first woman to ever lead the popular brand.

“As the first woman to lead the biggest beer brand in the world, it’s an amazing opportunity to really evolve and elevate Bud Light, this brand I love,” says Heinerscheid.

The Bud Light commercial, which will air during the Super Bowl, features actor Miles Teller and his wife Keleigh, and it’s called “Hold,” as Keleigh is facing a situation people everywhere do – being on hold on the phone.

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And look how far they have come with the support for Palestine.