Tag: funny

Latin For Ungrateful Dickhead


It is from the species Adelotypa annulifera or latin for ungrateful dickhead.

I have no idea if this is right or not. I’m not even going to put it through the Latin translator. It’s because my level of humor lets me get the joke that there really could be a Latin name, especially because I know so many in this species.

Actually, this came from some old writings of mine and I was talking about one of my wife’s relatives. I have many that are in this species. It’s why I avoid family stuff as much as I can.

Good, Maybe The Pictures Of Some Of The Dumb Shit I Did Got Lost

The internet is disappearing, study says

Almost 40% of webpages from 2013 no longer exist a decade on, research finds

The internet is disappearing, a new study has suggested, as web pages and online content is lost.

The web is often thought of as a place where content lasts forever. But vast swathes of its are being lost as pages are deleted or moved, according to new research.

Of the webpages that existed in 2013, for instance, 38 per cent are now lost. Even newer pages are disappearing: 8 per cent of pages that existed in 2023 are no longer available.

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I’ve been blogging since 2004. I lost a bunch of stuff in the 2008/9 range, but it was mostly work related, work that I don’t do anymore.

Still, cached stuff on facebook or if you had a MySpace page, it might be good to lose that

Did They Think This One Through Carefully?

No roof top meetings

Dick Humor At The Trump Trial

I’m sure both sides will claim victory

King Chuck, Nice Portrait Of You Burning In Hell

‘Satanic, Evil’: King Charles Unveils Hellish Self-Portrait

King Charles III personally unveiled a peculiar self-portrait Tuesday that depicts him in a fiery setting, in what many are calling a demonic rendition.

Footage showed the British monarch briefly spooked by the bizarre painting as he pulled the drawstring to reveal his first portrait since his coronation.

Social media recoils at ‘satanic’ depiction of 75-year-old British monarch.

Social media users commented the painting was eerie and ghastly, with some calling it an intentional callback to his Transylvanian bloodline.

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Good job their chuckles, kind of pulled back the curtains a little too far?

Ozempic Butt, That’s A Good One

Forbes, Harvard Celebrate February 2, 2023

Looking back at what their graduates have achieved.

The Super Bowl will kick off a new marketing era for Bud Light, and a woman is at the helm for this new direction.

Alissa Heinerscheid, vice president of marketing for Bud Light, is the first woman to ever lead the popular brand.

“As the first woman to lead the biggest beer brand in the world, it’s an amazing opportunity to really evolve and elevate Bud Light, this brand I love,” says Heinerscheid.

The Bud Light commercial, which will air during the Super Bowl, features actor Miles Teller and his wife Keleigh, and it’s called “Hold,” as Keleigh is facing a situation people everywhere do – being on hold on the phone.

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And look how far they have come with the support for Palestine.

Try Taking A Shower, Men Smell Like Men….What A Bunch Of P*ss**es

It stinks to smell, especially for young men, it seems. A new survey is shedding light on the self-consciousness American millennial men experience when it comes to body odor. The poll of 2,000 millennials, reveals that an overwhelming 72 percent of men feel anxious about how their body smells on a daily basis.

The survey, commissioned by Old Spice Total Body Deodorant and conducted by OnePoll, breaks down just how much men fear their body odor is stinking up the office. Overall, 52 percent worry that they smell bad without being aware of it, and 51 percent express uncertainty about how to address their body odor.

Despite these concerns, 59 percent of respondents stated that they would appreciate someone informing them if they were giving off an unpleasant odor.

When it comes to specific body parts, men are most concerned about the odor emanating from their armpits (71%), neck (40%), head and hair (39%), arms (30%), and hands (25%). Interestingly, the body parts that men considered “important” to keep smelling good included their hands (25%), chest (21%), and groin (15%), with a notable 71 percent emphasizing the importance of maintaining a pleasant armpit odor.

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figures it would be millennials. Females are attracted to the Pheromones, but these pussies are washing it off.

What Is The List Of The Great Lies (Used To Be What Are The 3 Big Lies, Now There Are More)?

I was going to make this a sarcastic post so I wanted to remember them as I heard it decades ago. It turned out a lot differently than I thought when I asked the AI bots.

Here’s where I started:

  • Trust me
  • The check is in the mail
  • I love you

So after I did a search, I found these listed by others. If I missed any, leave it in the comments and I’ll include it and give you credit.

  • I’m from the government and I’m here to help you
  • I won’t cum in your mouth
  • I’ll respect you in the morning
  • Read my lips, no new taxes
  • I did not have sexual relations with that woman
  • If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor
  • If you like your plan, you can keep your plan
  • Black is beautiful
  • Climate change is true
  • The moon landing is fake
  • The Covid Vaccine works
  • The 2020 Election was not rigged or stolen – Mosckerr
  • This will only hurt a little while
  • This will hurt me more than it hurts you
  • It’s not you, it’s me (it’s you)
  • I can quit anytime I want to
  • You are the best I’ve ever had
  • I love the gift
  • That dress doesn’t make you look fat
  • I’ll return it/repay it right away
  • “Honey, that has never happened to me before.”
  • “I’m breaking up with you, but I still want us to be friends.”
  • “Men are simple creatures.”
  • “It’s only a cold sore.”
  • “I’m from the IRS and I’m here to help you.”
  • “I’ll only stick the head of it in.”
  • I would never lie to you.
  • Of course size doesn’t matter.
  • I’m just happy to be here and help out the team any way I can.
  • I love my job
  • I only had two drinks at the bar.
  • I had no idea that I was speeding.
  • No mom, we haven’t had sex. We’re waiting until we get married.
  • I’ve only had a couple before you
  • “It isn’t about the money, it’s the principle of the thing.”
  • “It was like that when I bought it.”
  • “That’s a great idea, boss.”
  • “I only use my internet connection at work for business purposes.”
  • “Don’t worry, my parents really like you.”
  • It doesn’t matter to me, you’re sexy no matter how much you weigh. Now go to sleep, I have to work tomorrow.
  • I have a headache
  • Of course I came
  • You make me cum every time
  • I’ll call you…definitely!
  • The cable man will be there between 9 to noon.
  • The taxi will be there in less than 30 minutes.
  • The bus comes every half hour.
  • “No dear, she’s not prettier than you…”
  • Of course I’m 21, I just left my ID in the car.
  • Of course I’ve done this before, I’ll be done in five minutes.
  • My phone must have died
  • It was in my spam folder
  • It’s great to see you
  • I can have only one more
  • “I don’t care about looks as much as personality.”
  • That was my last one
  • I’m fine
  • That looks great on you

Ole Miss Football Hires GM With Funniest Name Since Noah Knigga: REPORT

Lane Kiffin and the University of Mississippi are reportedly hiring former Texas Longhorns personnel guy Billy Glasscock to be the team’s general manager, per ESPN’s Chris Low, and I honestly haven’t laughed this hard since Noah Knigga burst onto the college football scene.

Glasscock spent three years as a player personnel operator for Texas and previously served in similar roles at NC State and the University of Minnesota, per Low.

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I’ll bet he had a hard time in grade school

Happy Valentines Day Guys, This is What you have to Compete With

No wonder girls have a hard time getting off when we get down. Guys haven’t got a chance with all off this technology competing against our junk. Hell, even black guys don’t stand a chance.

Link

Here’s A Headline You Don’t Read Every Day: Excessively farting passenger forces American Airlines flight to turn around

An American Airlines plane was reportedly forced to return to the gate due to high wind — a “disgruntled” passenger’s smelly farts.

The big stink over the flatulent flyer unfolded while a recent flight from Phoenix, Arizona, to Austin, Texas, was still on the ground, according to a viral Reddit post.

“Before most people had boarded, I observed that this man was audibly disgruntled about something, maybe hungover, rough day idk, but as soon as he sat down he was grumbling about something under his breath, like ‘f—ing hell’ or something,” user lamgalatx wrote.

After the majority of passengers had boarded, the man reportedly exclaimed: “You thought that was rude? Well how about this smell” — and proceeded to pass gas.

“(I don’t know) what provoked that comment, and while kinda funny to overhear, it was uncalled for especially coming from a grown man on an airplane nonetheless,” the user wrote.

But the excessively farting passenger’s gross behavior didn’t end there.

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I’m more of a crop duster when I have to unleash. I want everyone to share and then wonder which one of their neighbors let it fly.

Name A Cockroach Or Rat For Your Ex To Be Eaten By Zoo Animal For Valentines Day

There is a sweet amount of satisfaction in doing this. You buy a cockroach or rat, it gets named for your ex and is feed to an animal at the zoo. You get confirmation and everyone is happy. Also, fuck your ex.

For the second year in a row, the wild and crazy staff at the San Antonio Zoo offers the brokenhearted a novel way to oh-so-satisfyingly get back at their exes on Valentine’s Day. Yes, their incredibly popular Cry Me a Cockroach Fundraiser is back!

For a small non-refundable donation of $5.00, $10.00, or $25.00, the zoo staff will “symbolically name a [cock]roach, rat, or veggie after your ex or not-so-special someone.” The San Antonio Zoo staff will then happily feed your selection of a bug, a rodent, or a vegetable to a deserving and hungry zoo animal.

Don’t worry, animal lovers and PETA, no additional rats are killed specifically for the brokenhearted’s vengeful pleasure. All the rats used in the fundraiser are pre-frozen, just like the usual rodents that are fed to the animals as part of their regular daily scheduled feedings. “They are delivered frozen from a mouse farm and stored at [the] Nutrition Center until thawed for feedings,” the zoo’s website states. 

Additionally, participants of Cry Me a Cockroach receive “a digital Valentine’s Day Card” showing their support for the fundraiser, including the cockroach, rat, or veggie dedication to your ex. And just for, um, fun, this card could be sent to your ex or posted to your personal social media to let the world know you’ve been, um, thinking of your ex. Sharing is caring, amirite?

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I played this game with the El Paso Zoo a couple of years ago. I named one for my college gf who turned into a traveling whore when she was a stewardess. The other was just deserving of one. She cheated on her husband although not with me. I had nothing to do with it other than watching her (from the sidelines) ruin someone else’s (and her own) life.

The people at the zoo were amazed at how much vitriol people had for the ones that did them wrong.

Irony – Scott Adams Brutally Lambasts Militantly Woke LeVar Burton in Just Eight Words

I’m a Star Trek fan, but he’s in my bottom 10 characters. I choked to stop from puking when he guest hosted Jeopardy as he tried to wrestle the job from the other contenders. Mostly, I hate the woke shit that comes with celebtards like him. At least while Sulu is alive, he isn’t the worst Star Trek Character in real life. 

This super sized bowl of Irony makes it even funnier and more satisfying that he has to live with his past now. I wonder if his ancestors owned slaves.

“Reading Rainbow” star LeVar Burton is one of the most outspoken leftists in Hollywood, which is saying a whole lot. He has championed every radical cause possible in recent years, including reparations. Moreover, he does so with the spite and unhinged rhetoric of a BLM grifter.

The man who once played a slave in “Roots” recently found out that his great, great grandfather is not only white, but was also a Confederate soldier. That certainly adds a twist of lime to his race-baiting drink of choice.

Don’t wait for beef to become more scarce. Stock up on freeze-dried cubes made from

Adding insult to injury, “Dilbert” creator Scott Adams hit Burton with a conundrum:

“How much does he owe himself in reparations?”

It was just the chuckle we needed for an otherwise bland news cycle on a Sunday. Thank you, Mr. Adams.

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This Is Life As An Introvert

Small talk is one of the more tiring things for introverts,. I avoid that situation at every chance. I love a deep conversation, but once someone starts in on how their day went in minute detail, I can’t help but turn into my own world and wish the conversation to be over as quickly as possible.

The other is ice breakers. Tell us something about yourself. Um, I don’t like to talk about myself, how’s that?

I’d hold it before I’d go just to not talk to not be here. This is at a Dr.’s office though. I see the door where you pass the piss sample in the cup

If I say call me, it’s because I’m betting you won’t. I’m tossing over the fence for you to make the move. I wouldn’t call either way. A cryptic text at best that doesn’t leave much of a window to respond.