For People Who Pick Their Nose (In Other Words, You)

My friend George loves picking his in the car. He has fat fingers and we call it rooting, like what pigs do for food.

It reminds me of the scene in Seinfeld when he was scratching his nose, but got busted as it looked like he was picking it.

Even funnier was in Caddyshack when they bet if the Smails kid would pick his nose, and then bet if he would eat it. I know it’s gross, but my humor is sophomoric.

How Much Weight Can You Lose by Taking a Dump? Can You Weigh Farts? Everything You Wanted To Know About Your PooP


 


UPDATE: The 7 Reasons Farting is Good For You

Dropping a deuce, pinching a loaf, laying pipe, reading the sports page, seeing a man about a horse, all are names for the same thing.

But how much does it weigh? Can you lose weight by taking laxatives or giving birth to a legend size turn monster? How much does a fart weigh?  Do women fart as much as men? Let’s look into it.

How much your poop weighs

According to thrill list health:

To find out how much our stool adds to the scale, researchers (serious poop

researchers do exist, folks) collected samples from people living in 12

different countries to get a comprehensive overview.

They discovered that poop weighs between 2.5oz and 1lb, on average.

To find out how much our stool adds to the scale, researchers (serious poop

researchers do exist, folks) collected samples from people living in 12

different countries to get a comprehensive overview.

Have you ever weighed yourself before and then after taking a dump?

Of course you have! Who hasn’t? The best part is seeing the scale budge

in your favor after dropping the kids off at the pool.

So it stands to reason that if you could poop more, you’d lose weight, right?

Same for farting — gas has mass, after all. Could pooping and farting

be legit weight-loss secrets, or is it all just a lot of hot air?

Unsurprisingly, Westernized populations have the lowest poop weights,

thanks to a severe lack of fiber that comes with a fast-food diet. Western

samples only averaged between 3-4oz, which isn’t nearly enough to

make a difference in your skinny jeans.

 

How much do farts weigh? And how do you even weigh farts?

Very, very carefully. Gastroenterologists in England tried to determine

a fart’s weight by giving study participants 200g of baked beans in

addition to their normal diet. Even scientists know beans are a magical

fruit. To measure the toots these beans are known for, they used rectal

catheters over the course of 24 hours, which raises serious concerns

about the mental stability of the participants.

Despite the method, the data collected may surprise you more.

Scientists learned that the farts weighed between 16-50oz per day.

That’s right: You’re holding as much gas in your system as a small

Sweetums soda. And in case you’re wondering (you’re obviously

wondering), “Women and men expelled equivalent amounts,”

according to science.  That’s right.  Your sweet little cupcake is

cutting the cheese and stinking up the room just as much as you are.

Pooping to lose weight is actually a really bad idea

Of course, there are those out there who see “poop can weigh a pound”

and will try to up their poop game by taking laxatives. Bad idea.

Robert Herbst, an 18-time world-champion powerlifter and one of

the drug-testing supervisors at the Rio Olympics, says laxative-driven

weight loss happens even at the highest levels of sport, and it isn’t pretty.

Herbst confirms that dropping a deuce will in fact budge the number

on the scale, though it won’t alter your body composition or muscle

percentage, saying, “One pound in does not guarantee one [pound] out,”

because food is metabolized differently. Certain foods are absorbed

more efficiently, while others pass right through (looking at you, corn).

So while a pound of lettuce may work its way out to the porcelain

water slide, a pound of pie will most likely stick to your thighs.

Pooping isn’t a total elimination of all the calories you eat, since that

wouldn’t make any sense. Your body needs energy, so it’s not going

to shit it all out.

On top of that, Herbst’s experience monitoring weigh-ins taught

him that no one’s going to see Biggest Loser-type results. He says

you may see a 5lb drop (if that), depending on how much you currently

weigh. If you’re a big dude, you’re going to expel more in weight and

volume because you’re already eating more.

The majority of people will only be able to look forward to a mere

1-2lb difference (at most) if you’re an active person. Those losses

aren’t worth canceling your gym membership, and in extreme

cases, excessive laxative use can lead to all sorts of nasty medical complications.

What About Competitive Eaters?

I watch the July 4th Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest yearly.  Joey Chestnut

knocked down 70 dogs in 10 minutes.  I’m not sure how much that

weighs, but given the average Joe spits out almost 2 pounds after a

few dogs at most, does that mean that Joey is somewhere between a

Saint Bernard and an elephant the day after the contest?

I found this gem THE 8 TYPES OF POOP YOU SHOULD NEVER

IGNORE because it means you have a problem

What Does Your Poop Say About You?

I found this gem at did you know your facts?

And finally, go to this link to evaluate your poop and pooping habits because you should examine your deuce to see if you are unhealthy or have a problem.

Gross and Icky Stuff You Still Will Read About Like Snot and Poop Color, and Do You Eat Boogers?

Why snot is green or yellow, or other color.  Click to read more.

Mucus is clear when you’re healthy and have no serious invaders. However, when bacteria or viruses attack, it will turn yellow or green due to the influx of iron-containing enzymes including myeloperoxidases, other oxidases and peroxidases. These enzymes are used by white blood cells, namely polymorphonuclear granulocytes, to help ingest and deactivate bacteria through an oxidative process. The combination of dead white blood cells, used up enzymes and eaten bacteria, all of which still contain a fair amount of iron, results in the green or yellow color.

Notably, the longer snot stays in your sinuses, the greener it will get.

Is eating boogers healthy for you? Click to read.

That said, while it may seem gross to those of us who’ve never tried (or don’t remember- nearly all children do this at one point or another), according to the sparse few studies that have been conducted on booger eaters, the vast number of people who eat their nasal mucus find it palatable, which probably isn’t a surprise to anyone as if they didn’t, they’d likely just stop. As SidneyTarachow in a 1966 report oncoprophagia (the compulsive eating bodily secretions) noted, “persons do eat nasal debris, and find it tasty, too!”

So to sum up, at least to date, there is no scientific proof that ingesting snot by passing it through your mouth is beneficial.  That said, it is plausible that the snot we do all ingest all the time is benefiting us in the way snot-eating proponents suggest.  It’s just that we don’t need to put it into our mouths to see the benefit, if such a benefit does exist as hypothesized.

In the end, though, as long as you’re careful, picking and eating is not generally going to hurt you, and many find it tasty… so, if that’s your thing, bon appétit!

Why is poop brown?  Click to read more.

Poop is brown due to bile from your gall bladder being metabolized by the bacteria in your intestines.  This results in a byproduct called stercobilin, which, in turn, makes poop look brown-ish.

Without this stercobilin, your poop would typically look grey-ish/white.  Because of this, a sure sign you are having problems with bile production, such as a blocked bile duct by a gall stone or something more serious like pancreatic cancer, is if you notice your poop is this white/grey-ish color.

In the end *pun intended*, brown poop is a pretty good sign you are a relatively healthy individual.  Some other common poop colors that generally aren’t a good sign of health are as follows:

  • If you notice your poop is red, this could be a sign of internal bleeding or could just mean you’ve recently eaten beets.  If the cause is bleeding and the bleeding is from your stomach or throat, however, your poop won’t be red, but rather black and will smell worse than that time you decided you should eat a box of Twinkies and a box of Cheesy Handi-Snacks all in one sitting.
  • Yellow poop means there is a lot of fat in your feces.  This is not a good sign.  Consider turning this into a positive by making poop candles with your fatty deposits. Yellow poop also has a very strong odor, which will give your poo-candles that little something extra.
  • Green poop is an indicator of some sort of bacterial infection or that you are a vegetarian and eat way too much leafy foods for your own good.  Seriously, try some bacon.  It’s delicious.

Bonus Facts:

  • When you see corn in your poop, this isn’t the whole kernel, though it may look like it.  What you are actually seeing is the outer yellow part, which is mostly cellulose and indigestible (fiber).  The inside of the kernel will have been digested as it is primarily starch.
  • Poop generally stinks because of the sulfur-rich organic compounds produced by bacteria, such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans.  Another contributing factor is an inorganic gas that is produced, hydrogen sulfide.
  • Poop of meat eaters smells worse than the poop of vegetarians.  You win this round, hippie.
  • Bird poop is white due to their kidney’s extracting nitrogenous wastes from their bloodstream and subsequently excreting it in the form of uric acid, which has a very low solubility in water and emerges as a white paste-like substance.
  • Animals such as dogs, rabbits, rodents, gorillas, etc often eat their poop to maintain proper health.  For animals such as rabbits who eat a lot of plants, their poop contains quite a bit of undigested plant matter; so eating their poop is a nice easy way to get more out of the food they eat.  For some animals, their poop can be very vitamin rich with the bacteria in their intestines producing vitamins they wouldn’t get otherwise.  For animals such as dogs, poop can be a good source of these vitamins and protein.  This is why dogs are so fond of cat poop; it is very high in protein.  Pro-tip, cut down on how much you need to clean your cat litter by allowing dogs and vegetarians access to it.  The dogs/vegetarians get a lot of protein (in the latter case something they are deprived of due to their hippie ways)  and you never have to clean poop from the liter; it’s win/win.
  • The word “poop” comes from the onomatopoeia poupen or popen, which originally meant “fart”.  “Poop” came into its current meaning around 1900.
  • You can tell an amazing amount of information about a person based on their poop.  Extraterrestrial enthusiasts theorize this is why when Aliens abduct humans they go straight to anal probing.
  • In South Asia and South-east Asia, it is common to find showers in the toilet room for cleansing one’s self after pooping.
  • With Islam, post-pooping requires a ritual cleansing.  One should enter the toilet room with the left foot first; ritually cleanse your butt-hole with water using your left hand; then step out of the toilet room with your right foot first.  As an aside, in many Muslim countries, toilet rooms are considered “Houses of Satan”.
  • In India, rather than use toilet paper, it is typical to simply use your left hand.
  • If you think that is bad, in Ancient Rome, a wet sponge on a stick was used.  That sounds all well and fine until you find out that that after being used, the sponge was placed back in a tub of salt water to await the next person to come along and wipe with it.  Suddenly the “left hand” method isn’t sounding so bad.
  • About 3/4 of an average piece of poop is made of water.  Of the remaining 1/4, about 1/3 of it is dead bacteria from your intestines; another 1/3 is fibrous matter; the remaining amount is made up of fats, phosphates, living bacteria, dead cells, mucus, protein, etc.

There of course are many links in these pages that lead to other gross stuff.  Enjoy.