1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road .. . . and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A new survey by Choice Mutual has revealed what Americans would most want for their last meal. The results show a mix of indulgence, comfort food, and sentimental favorites, with some clear winners across the country, according to MentalFloss.
At the very top of the list is steak, chosen more often than any other dish. Potatoes followed in second place, while pasta and noodle dishes came in third, and pizza fourth. Vegetables ranked fifth, with bread in sixth, lobster in seventh, fries in eighth, mac and cheese ninth, and burgers rounding out the top 10. Fried chicken placed 11th, ice cream 12th, salad 13th, sushi 14th, and cake 16th. Seafood lovers also voted in crab (18th), shrimp (19th), and salmon (25th).
Drinks were more straightforward. Soda was the favorite in every state, with wine coming second and water third. Tea, beer, juice, coffee, cocktails, hard liquor, and milk completed the top 10. When broken down by brand, Coca-Cola led the way, followed by Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, Pepsi, and Sprite.
State-level data showed steak on top in 25 states, including Texas, California, and Florida, and tied in two others. Pasta took the number one spot in eight states and tied for first in two more, while potatoes claimed first place in four. For beverages, soda dominated across the board, with wine second in 17 states and tying in eight others.
It’s been said that if a whole cruise ship sank, no one of importance would ever do (excepting the Titanic which had everyone against creating the Fed on board).
To me, it is a discount vacation for losers. In a way, it’s like fishing on a party boat. They blow the horn, lines out. The next horn, lines in. They let the cruisers go only as far as they can go when in port for a couple of hours to get their T-shirt or shell.
It seems one set of people seems to frequently ruin it for others. It’s a pattern.
A Carnival cruise ship turned into a floating fight club after a late-night brawl erupted among passengers reportedly over ‘chicken tenders.’
According to the New York Post, the melee erupted in the ship’s dining area around 2 a.m. Monday, the final day of its voyage back to Miami, when a dispute spiraled out of control and involved about two dozen passengers.
Video footage, which has since gone viral, shows a chaotic scene of several young cruisers throwing wild punches, knocking each other to the ground.
The confusion mirrors eyewitness accounts of shoes, phones, and personal items flying as the violence intensified.
Security eventually tried to intervene, but one guard could be seen running away and reaching for his radio instead of jumping into the fray.
A mob of passengers can be seen pressed against a wooden partition, trading punches while others climb up to record the chaos on their phones. A woman in a red dress stands on the divider filming, while security guards tentatively step in — one even running away instead of intervening directly. (Credit: Mike Terra/Facebook)
When it comes to marine life and being amazed, octopuses have to be near the top of the list. But if you see one while out on the beach, that doesn’t mean that you mess with it. Even experts will tell you to leave it the hell alone.
One moronic influencer had to learn this little tidbit the hard way.
Emeka (@emekaajr), a TikTok user with three million followers, recently went viral after he posted a video of him lip-syncing while having an octopus on his head.
Captioning the video “Aquaman,” it has pulled in more than 75.6 million views.
I went right to fag also. Being liberal makes sense. A lot of them aren’t in the manly category in anything. The girlfriend angle is a good one though.
A new YouGov poll confirms that normal Americans aren’t too offended by American Eagle’s new ad campaign featuring actress Sydney Sweeney.
And that’s certainly not a shocker. Of course, the backlash to the ad came mostly from left-wing scolds obsessed with race and jealous of Sweeney.
According to the poll, only 12% of Americans found it “offensive.” That number sounds about right. Most well-adjusted people who don’t spend their days refreshing the MSNBC opinion section every minute or combing through LGBT Reddit threads are going to find the ad perfectly normal. Maybe not clever, and maybe not offensive, but just a typical advertisement that relies on the most tried-and-true strategy ever: sex sells.
Here is another version of the Murphy’s Laws from yesterday.
I don’t really know if they are from Murphy, but you get the point.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. great discoveries are made by mistake.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All’s well that ends.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
New systems generate new problems.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Arthur C. Clark
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it darn well pleases.
If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
The only perfect science is hind-sight.
Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Everything that goes up must come down.
Corollary: Not always
Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you:
1. no longer need it
2. are in the middle of something else
3. don’t want it to be fixed, because you really don’t want to do what you were supposed to do
Note: This was first printed in 2019 but I keep getting requests for it, so here you go.
If anything can go wrong it will at the most inopportune time.
The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong (or the one to go wrong first).
The other line always moves faster.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
The best golf shots happen when you are alone (and the worst when playing with someone you want to impress).
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
The probability of being observed is directly proportional to the stupidity of one’s actions.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Of course you can go to the Murphy’s Law site and see all of this there.
Murphy’s laws
If anything can go wrong, it will
Corollary: It can
Corollary sent by Dr. Allen Roberds
Corollary: It should
MacGillicuddy’s Corollary: At the most inopportune time
Corollary sent by Earl R. Johnson
Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.
Extension sent by Dean A. Izett
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Extreme version:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the FIRST to go wrong
Extreme version sent by Neal Miller
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others
Corollary sent by Sean Cheshire
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
Corollary sent by Dave M.
Mother nature is a bitch
Addendum: and not an obedient one at that
Addendum sent by Paul Kekanovich
Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.
The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Murphy’s Constant
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Murphy’s Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
Sent by Tony ’68
Addition to Murphy’s Laws
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right … something is wrong.
More Laws
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything takes longer than it takes.
Sent by Jon Carpenter
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
no matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy’s law will take effect and screw it up.
Sent by Mitch
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Sent by Paul Breen
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
More Laws of Selective Gravitation.
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver’s side of your car windshield.
More Laws of Selective Gravitation were sent by Jack from the Classic CKLW Page
The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
Sent by Ralph
You will always find something in the last place you look.
If your looking for more than one thing, you’ll find the most important one last.
Sent by Alegna
It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
Sent by Peter
After you bought a replacement for something you’ve lost and searched for everywhere, you’ll find the original.
Sent by Dizzy
No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a personal loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
If it jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Murphy’s golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Sent by John Cougar and by getalife who asks “who wrote that?”. Illustrious Blackbird knew the answer, it was Samuel L. Clemens also known as Mark Twain.
Where patience fails, force prevails.
Sent by Woody.
Erma Bombeck
“Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
Sent by Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.
Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.
and Relativistic correction of Murphy’s law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
Were sent by Simone Penzavalle.
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won’t get it.
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
Remember the “Boomer-rang” effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
If you re-act to actions, you’ve acted on actions.
He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa,
Thank you.
Any time you put an item in a “safe place”, it will never be seen again.
Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
The fish are always biting….yesterday!
You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
Sent by Sean Murphy
The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
EIGHT laws were sent by Charles L. Mays,
Thank you.
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason
Or in another version
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
Sent by Steve
Cole’s Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Sent by Michael
Being dead right, won’t make you any less dead.
and
Having the right of way, won’t make you any less dead.
Sent by anonymous
Whatever you want, you can’t have, what you can have, you don’t want.
Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don’t want to do it.
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
The four last laws were sent by Joe
Crespins law of observation:
the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions
Sent by R. Crespin esq.
If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway.
A knowledge of Murphy’s Law is no help in any situation.
If you apply Murphy’s Law, it will no longer be applicable.
If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
Where patience fails, force prevails.
Sent by Woody
Murphy’s Law Current Revision
Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
You just haven’t been notified.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” but “That’s funny…”
Said by Isaac Asimov
A former colleague of Russell Cooper once claimed that Murphy had plagiarized his “Gamble’s Law” which says that “The letter box is always on the other side of the road”
If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
Sent by Timothy Boilard
Waxman’s Law:
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Last two laws were sent by Del Ross
Skarstad’s Observation
You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
Sent by Gayle
If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
Sent by Greg
all good things come to those who wait…
but , don’t wait too long or they will pass you by…
like 2 ships that pass in the night…
never again to return that same exact site.
Sent by Jujuakita
If anything was worth doing, it would’ve already been done.
Corollary: Nothing is worth doing.
Sent by D-D-D-Dave
You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water
Sent by John
Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
Sent by anonymous
Long’s Law
Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
Sent by Chris Moore
McFalls’ Maxim
No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you’re still screwed.
Sent by Oliver McFalls
Hunter’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law:
Things always go from bad to worse.
Hunter’s Observation on Beauty:
Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower.
Hunter’s Observation on Experts:
An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.
Hunter’s Observation on Sugarcoating:
All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.
Hunter’s Observation on hypocrites:
A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite.
Hunter’s Observation on Education and Oz:
“We can give you a diploma, but we can’t give you a brain.”
The last six laws were sent by Hunter
Sgt. Murphy’s Law
Don’t get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
Sent by Bird Waring
The Law of Stupid Tricks
Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
Sent by Zenjive
Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you’ll have.
Sent by Magycke
Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
Sent by Mike
Things are never as good as they are bad.
Sent by Scott Miller
The mud that won’t come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
Sent by Jenny Pitt
When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
Sent by Pieter
If Murphy’s law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic – Steven Wright
Sent by Deke
If Murphy’s Law can go wrong it will.
Sent by Mark
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come…
Sent by Yaron Budowski
If at first you don’t succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
Sent by Damien Hope
Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town….
Sent by Sharon Murphy
If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
Sent by Jeronimo
Warneke Law
You cannot force Murphy’s Law to happen and you can’t use it in reverse.
Sent by Warneke
When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
Sent by mark peacock
Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
Think about it, complete the circle.
Sent by Sam Diggly who’s dad told her this law after she got married.
It takes forever to learn the rules and once you’ve learned them they change again.
Sent by Tracey Goldstein
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.
Sent by what’d ya say?
You will find an easy way to do it, after you’ve finished doing it.
Sent by Conan Rock
Hofstadter’s Law:
It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Sent by Ben Jones
In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it’s as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are.
Sent by Lois Weiner
The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
Sent by G B
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
Sent by Keith Hipkins
Laundry Math:1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock
Sent by Bryan Ortiz
Window polishing:
It’s always on the other side.
Sent by Jakob Sultan
Hall’s Law:
Anyone who isn’t paranoid simply isn’t paying attention.
Sent by Colin
A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you’ll push it to that distance.
The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones
If it looks good,
And it taste good,
And it feels good,
There has got to be something wrong some where,
So be careful.
Sent by Shirley Cameron
Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
Sent by Robert Dion
The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com
No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
Behind every little problem there’s a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
The last two laws were sent by Robert K White
When you really need something, its either not available, or can’t be found. When you don’t need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
Sent by Robert Van Sile
Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
Sent by Jeff S
Law of Conservation of Filth:
In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
Sent by Scott Tietjen, AKA, “Great Scott”
The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
Sent by Larry
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
Sent by G Martin
Gumperson’s Law:
The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
Sent by Ken Kaplan
Uffelman’s Razor:
[Given Murphy’s law, …] One should not attribute to evil design any unfortunate result which can be attributed to error. A mistake (or series of mistakes) is the simpler and more likely explanation.
Conspiracy Corollary to Uffelman’s Razor:
Nothing should be attributed to conspiracy that can be explained by error or a succession of errors.
Example 1: The alleged conspiracy to “fake” the Apollo moon landing.
Such an undertaking would be so likely to result in multiple glitches that it would be nearly impossible to pull off. Thus, conspiracy is an unlikely explanation of events. Accordingly, the “evidence” of the “faked” landing is more likely a result of the errors of those interpreting the evidence than of the evil design of the alleged conspirators.
Example 2: The Warren Report.
Any open questions in the Warren Report are more likely the result of the errors of the Warren commission, or the errors of those interpreting the Warren Report, than the result of a conspiracy to cover up the true facts.
Probability law:
Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won’t happen.
Sent by Sylvain Galibert
Two wrongs don’t make a right. It usually takes three or four.
If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
The last two laws were sent by Lenny Quites
When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
Sent by Rivers
Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
Solon, ancient Greece
Sent by Red
key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
Sent by Divya
The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Sent by Ross Henderson
and another version to this law
The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
Sent by Martin and Henrik from Denmark
Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
Sent by Anonymousepad
Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
Sent by GL Roberts
If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
Sent by Bob Holdegraver
If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn’t go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
Sent by John Wilson
The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
Sent by Mark M Stevens
The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy
Those who don’t take decisions never make mistakes.
Sent by Asier Zabarte
The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can’t last forever.
Sent by Taranis Valerin
Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
The only time you’re right, is when its about being wrong.
The only times something’s right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
The last five laws were sent by Thomas Wrobel
If a Murphy law is tried to be used to have a desired outcome, the law will backfire.
Sent by Pat M.
Its never so bad it couldn’t be worse.
Sent by Raymond J. Gunn that says that his friend George Brabbs use to say it, then he died, now he wonders
Andrew’s Law
When saying that things can not possibly get any worse – they will
Sent by Andrew Milbourne
Murphy’s Metalaw
Knowing Murphy’s Law will never help.
Occult Principle of Murphism
To know Murphy’s Law is to draw its attention.
Avoidance Law
If for some reason Murphy’s Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
Hermetic Murphism
As above, so below.
The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
Buddha’s Version of Murphy’s Law
Decay is inherent in all things, strive unceasingly.
Fleming’s corollary:
Nothing ever gets better.
Murphologist’s Curse
Given time one can develop a sense of how Murphy’s Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
The last seven laws were sent by Azrias Mordax
The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
Law of cooperatives
In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
The last three laws were sent by Takura Razemba
Mr. Murphy warning:
Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy
Mrs. Murphy’s Law:
If something goes wrong, it’s Mr. Murphy’s fault.
Last two laws were sent by Frank O’Neal
Mrs. Murphy’s Law
If anything can go wrong it will, and when it does, the woman will get the blame
Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com
Lewis’ Axiom
The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
Sent by Robert Lewis
Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
Sent by Nabeel
Another name for Murphy’s law: The law of conservation of misery
Sent by Achten
Carvalheiro’s deduction
If in a particular circumstance Murphy’s law don’t apply, then something must be wrong
Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro
Sharad’s Law
If Murphy’s law is right then it will go wrong
Sent by Sharad Bhandari
A law about websites:
The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
Sent by Shaunna
Laws about this site:
The More the number of laws you claim to have, the more the number of laws you are going to miss.
Sent by Sathish
This site won’t open when you want to show someone what exactly Murphy laws are
Sent by Dinni
And on the eighth day God said;”O.K. Murphy, you take over!
Sent by Robert A. Silvestri
Larry Niven’s summary of Murphy’s Law:
The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
Sent by Kevin Boland
The road to success is always under construction
By Anton Figg (?)
If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn’t, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
Sent by John Greeno
Bralek’s Rule for Success:
Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you.
Sent by Don Jackson
whatever was supposed to happen, won’t
Sent by TJ Engelking
You can’t expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
You cant reason with the stupid
The last two laws were sent by Tye Boyce
If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
Sent by Nancy Decker
Clemens’ Law
In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
Clemens’ Law short form
People are stupid.
Sent by Matt Clemens
What goes in must come out.
Unless it’s the other way around.
Sent by Jeff Smith
Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
Sent by Derek Drake
Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
Berneathys directional dichotomy
West is always East of somewhere
Berneathys formula fact
Instruction manuals are for losers
Berneathys guide theorem
You’re only lost if you admit it
Berneathys gravitational paradox
If gravity is all around us, why can’t you push a fat dog down the stairs?
Last five laws were sent by Mike Berneathy
Wet Law
A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet
Pack Rat’s Law
All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity
Wife’s Law
Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
Reply:
Anything over-done isn’t worth the extra effort
Last three laws were sent by Doug Ebeling
It’s no the drop that kills you…. its the sudden stop
Sent by Martin Rowland
When things are going right, you won’t notice
The cleverness of Murphy’s Laws is inverse proportion to the number of laws
last two laws were sent by Lucky Number 11
The entropy of the universe tends to a maximum
Sent by Vikram Aphale
and never forget O’Toole’s Corollary or
Sod’s Law or
McGillicuddy Law
Murphy was an optimist
Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren’t there?
Or in other words:
someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires.
You get all the credit for the dumb move. Murphy was an extreme optimist!
Says Charles L. Mays
And we’ll end this page with something optimistic (don’t hit me).
Don’t worry about Murphy’s Law, you know it’s gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!
Sent by Ruth Beaty
The humor of Murphy’s Law leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
If you make it through a Murphy Day…you win!
If a girl went into the forrest, and said I want some dick tonight, guys from 1000’s of miles away would be there shortly. What’s wrong with this girl? Most of the time, girls decide when the pounding is going to go down because they get offered some dick about 100 times a day. Just look at the high school teachers. They pick out the one and start wailing away.
A Harris County constable deputy is facing scrutiny after a TikTok post went viral suggesting she planned to issue tickets indiscriminately because of a lack of intimacy in her personal life, as reported by The New York Post.
The post, made by Harris County Precinct 5 Deputy Jennifer Escalera, has sparked public backlash and prompted an internal affairs investigation.
The video, which has since been deleted, showed Deputy Escalera in uniform writing on a notepad.
The caption over the clip read, “Didn’t get cracked last night so everyone is getting a ticket,” suggesting that her ticketing decisions might be influenced by her personal frustrations. Although parts of her uniform were blurred, Escalera’s name tag remained visible in the footage.
Horndog Texas cop vows to give ‘everyone’ a ticket because she didn’t get laid the night before
The cesspool that is TikTok is overflowing with mentally broken TDS sufferers ‘creating’ endless content consisting of every ‘Orange man bad’ thought that fizzles to the surface of their dwindling brain matter.
One cannot go swimming in there for long before it starts to eat away at one’s soul, but this nugget is particularly funny.
This… person asked for advice on what “MAGA men” find attractive so she can do the opposite.
A WNBA game between the Atlanta Dream and the Golden State Valkyries was interrupted on Tuesday night after a bizarre object was thrown on to the floor late in the fourth quarter.
The Valkyries had rebounded a miss with about one minute left in the game when the object flew from the stands and down onto the court. The object bounced a few times away from the ballhandler and then toward the near sideline.
it was a green dildo and the girls all knew what it was.
Bugs is my favorite. I liked Jonny Quest also, but they didn’t make enough episodes and it kind of was the same episode every week. Every Jeopardy answer I get on Opera is from Bugs. He was the most anti-PC character before Beavis and Butthead
Not Bugs.
(LMPC via Getty Images)
Hans von Spakovsky is the manager of the Election Law Reform Initiative and a senior legal fellow in the Edwin Meese III Center for Legal and Judicial Studies at The Heritage Foundation.
I know, I know. We have been in the midst of a blizzard of important domestic and world events this summer, from the final week of the Supreme Court’s term with a slew of important decisions to the fight over the “Big, Beautiful Bill” to the war in the Middle East and the Russian/Ukrainian conflict. We also just celebrated the 249th birthday of the United States.
But in the midst of all this, we should not forget the 85th birthday of that beloved all-American trickster and practical joker, Bugs Bunny. A look back at the original cartoon series shows just how much that rabbit reflected the culture, the politics, and the patriotism of the times and how some of his antics wouldn’t play well for the woke generation of today.
On July 27, 1940, the wisecracking, mouthy bunny with a Brooklyn accent got his official start in the Looney Tunes classic “A Wild Hare,” in which he bamboozles and confuses the most unsuccessful and hapless hunter in American history, Elmer Fudd, for the first of many times.
The Daily Signal depends on the support of readers like you. Donate now
For the past 85 years, in addition to Elmer Fudd, Bugs Bunny has been trouncing, defeating, and outtalking a host of surly but memorable characters, including Yosemite Sam, the roughest, toughest hombre east of the Pecos; Porky “Th-Th-Th-That’s all, folks” Pig; and Daffy Duck. Elmer Fudd never managed to catch that wascally wabbit, and the same goes for Daffy Duck, who was never able to outsmart Bugs or get the better of him.
Trouncing, defeating, and outtalking a host of surly characters? Gosh, who does that remind you of in today’s political world?
There are even two cartoons, “Operation: Rabbit” (1952) and “To Hare is Human” (1956), in which Wile E. Coyote is up against Bugs Bunny instead of his usual opponent, the Road Runner, who is on vacation, with the same disastrous results. Wile E. Coyote actually speaks in that second cartoon, something he does not do in any other appearance, except by holding up a sign, usually about something stupid that he just did.
Don’t you wish there really was a company like ACME, Wile E. Coyote’s go-to company for equipment? I know Amazon comes close, but it just doesn’t have the same expansive inventory as ACME of bombs, cannons, TNT, anvils, missiles, rocket sleds, and every other kind of fiendish device our fevered imaginations can imagine.
While kids have always liked these cartoons, they were really designed by adults for adults, since they were shown in movie theaters before the feature films. The original cartoons contain many politically incorrect scenes that these days would get them instantly criticized by the “woke police,” another reason they remain so timeless.
While Bugs Bunny was the main star, he had a host of other colleagues who appeared in other cartoons, including Pepe le Pew, Foghorn Leghorn, and Sylvester the cat, to name just a few. Besides Bugs Bunny, I have to admit that Foghorn Leghorn, the loud, blustering, overbearing rooster, is one of my other favorites characters, in large part because he resembles so many of the politicians one encounters here in the nation’s capital.
Speaking of politicians, you shouldn’t miss “Ballot Box Bunny” (1951), where Bugs runs against Yosemite Sam for mayor of a small town. They play every trick you can imagine on each other to try to win—not too different from the tricks we see in real campaigns today—and Yosemite Sam’s campaign promises alone are worth watching. Bugs and Sam spend so much time attacking each other that, in the end, they are both beaten by a dark horse—in this case, literally a dark horse. Fortunately, neither of them is prosecuted by an overzealous U.S. Justice Department.
While Daffy Duck may have never gotten the better of Bugs Bunny, he was the first American duck to go into space to battle aliens in 1953, long before Harrison Ford in “Star Wars,” when he fought Marvin the Martian in “Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century,” a takeoff on the “Buck Rogers” serial that premiered in movie houses in 1939. One of the cleverest of the Daffy Duck/Bugs Bunny confrontations also premiered in 1953. In “Duck Amuck,” an unidentified animator keeps changing Daffy’s shape, location, and even his voice. Of course, it turns out in the end that the animator is Bugs Bunny.
But getting back to the woke police, there was actually criticism of Pepe le Pew as supposedly glorifying a sexual harasser and of Elmer Fudd for carrying a gun. In fact, the idiots at HBO Max decreed that Fudd had to be gun-free in their reboot of Looney Tunes in 2020. Just more proof that liberals really have no sense of humor, something the Babylon Bee proves every day.
Bugs Bunny was a star for Warner Bros., the Hollywood studio started in 1923 by the four Warner brothers, Harry, Albert, Sam, and Jack. The animators at Warner Bros. created 167 brilliant and memorable Bugs Bunny cartoons during the golden age of American animation. I don’t count more recently produced Bugs Bunny cartoons, all of which lack the comedy, wit, and cleverness of the originals. These were cartoons created by adults for adults with a mischievous sense of humor.
While Bugs Bunny always came out on top, he was not infallible. There were actually three cartoons that were takeoffs on the Aesop fairy tale about the race between the tortoise and the hare: “Tortoise Beats Hare” (1941), “Tortoise Wins by a Hare” (1943), and “Rabbit Transit” (1947). In each one, the tortoise gets the better of Bugs Bunny, including “Rabbit Transit,” in which Bugs Bunny actually wins the race but then is arrested by the police for speeding.
Whenever he went on vacation, Bugs Bunny always took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. Having been to “Albukoykee,” as Bugs Bunny pronounces it, I can understand why. Those wrong turns led him to some dangerous places, including the middle of a bull ring in Mexico in “Bully for Bugs” (1953) or Nazi Germany in “Herr Meets Hare” (1945), where he confronted Adolf Hitler and Hermann Göering, and Bugs imitates Joseph Stalin.
Speaking of Nazi Germany, Bugs did go to war like a lot of Hollywood during World War II. He became an honorary master sergeant in the U.S. Marine Corps after he appeared in a Marine Corps dress blue uniform in “Super-Rabbit” (1943). Some of these wartime cartoons like “Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips” (1944) have been “banned” by oversensitive cartoon channels because of the racial or ethnic stereotypes used at the time. Bugs Bunny even got drafted during the Korean War in “Forward March Hare” (1952) when he got his neighbor’s draft notice by mistake. And no, he did not abscond to Canada to avoid service.
If you love opera, you can’t beat the Bugs Bunny versions. Turns out that the directors and animators were all big opera fans. So, we have “The Rabbit of Seville” (1950) and “What’s Opera, Doc?” (1957), where Bugs and Elmer Fudd give us their versions of great Rossini and Wagner operas. You have to be an opera fan to get the joke at the end of “The Rabbit of Seville,” which was a takeoff of Rossini’s “The Barber of Seville.” At the end, Bugs drops Elmer Fudd into a huge cake that is labeled “The Marriage of Figaro,” which was Mozart’s version of “The Barber of Seville.”
And what better way is there to learn about English or American history than watching the story of Robin Hood in “Rabbit Hood” (1945) or the American Revolution in “Bunker Hill Bunny” (1950). Or if you love the great American pastime, don’t miss “Baseball Bugs” (1946). Bugs Bunny takes on the Gas-House Gorillas in the Polo Grounds in New York City, the original home of both the Mets and the Yankees, playing all of the positions. He wins the game when he makes the ultimate play—catching a flyball at the top of the “Umpire” State Building, which he reaches by taking a cab from the baseball field to the skyscraper.
There are many well-known lines from famous movies that have entered our culture, including from great classics like “Casablanca”: “I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on here,” or “Round up the usual suspects,” and the Bugs Bunny cartoons have those, too.
All of the voices in the original cartoons were voiced by the brilliant Mel Blanc, probably the most talented and versatile voice that ever came out of Hollywood. One of his most repeated lines as Bugs Bunny besides “What’s up, Doc?” is “Of course, you realize, this means war.” Or “He don’t know me very well.”
And one of Bugs Bunny’s commonly uttered derisions, “What a maroon,” comes to mind fairly often as I watch a slew of liberal politicians and left-wing activists at work in Washington each day.
So, happy birthday, Bugs Bunny. You may be 85 years old, but you will always remain young in our hearts and a hare-raiser on the screen.
by this time, I was getting the hang of it and there was a lot of good stuff that hadn’t been replayed over and over. I think by the end of this best of, I finally decided on a title that I’ve stuck with.
They could be using AI to cure cancer or have the best meal and wine combination. But no. Like Face Smash, the precursor to Facebook rates the hotness of customers.
I’ll give you this, there are times when waiting tables that can be boring. I do recall that the sun was directly into the front door for about 15 minutes and if a girl in a skirt came in, we got the x-ray view..
One day, one of the hottest girls I’d seen in a white skirt stepped through the door with the sun blazing behind her. That’s right, she was going commando. I, and 4 other waiters were paralyzed for about 4 minutes until they got seated. It was Basic Instinct quality stuff.
Anyway…….
A new AI-powered website called LooksMapping is the latest trend hitting the restaurant industry, ranking food and beverage establishments by the “hotness” of their customers.
The website, catering to 9,800 restaurants in New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, allows its visitors to select where to dine based on an AI algorithm that evaluates the attractiveness of diners on a scale of 1 to 10, The New York Times reported.
Riley Walz, a 22-year-old programmer based in San Francisco, founded LooksMapping with the intention of using Google review data to make sarcastic observations about the restaurant industry. Walz used an AI model to collect 2.8 million Google evaluations, identifying 587,000 profile photos with distinctive traits among 1.5 million unique accounts. He next taught the model to determine whether the individuals were male or female, old or young, and hot or not.
“The website just puts reductive numbers on the superficial calculations we make every day,” the website reads. “A mirror held up to our collective vanity.”
This woman has been everything nasty you can be, including looking. She’s been a nobody since Rush Limbaugh died, but yet here we are.
She never misses a chance to lie, or in this case, be the Asshole Of The Week
Representative Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL) said Saturday on MSNBC’s “The Weekend” that President Donald Trump was implementing mass deportation in an attempt to “bleach America.”
Wasserman Schultz said, “Again, more Trump lies, more people being thrown into a dire situation where many of them will ultimately die when they’re deported back to countries like Venezuela and Haiti, which clearly don’t have conditions in which it is safe or a place that has the environment to take people back. In Haiti, that is a country that is overrun by gangs and essentially is a failed state, and in Venezuela, you have the Maduro regime, which is a narco state. I mean, Maduro is under federal indictment here in the United States. How could it possibly be safe to send 500,000 Venezuelans when he revoked their humanitarian parole and TPS from Venezuelans and from half a million Haitians?”
She added, “This is a situation in which they want to bleach America. You heard what Miller said. He is a vile human being. What they’re doing in the Everglades on incredibly sensitive land, environmentally sensitive land that was so sensitive that in the 1970s, they abandoned the plan to put a huge airport on that property. They are violating sacred tribal lands—no consultation with the Miccosukees. We’re in the middle of hurricane season. Look at that infrastructure that you’re showing right now that will blow away like matchsticks if a hurricane comes, and they’re either going to waste money on trying to rush through an evacuation, or people are going to die.”
Which tech companies are generating the most profit per employee?
In this graphic, Visual Capitalist’s Marcus Lu visualized 22 major tech companies by revenue per employee in 2024, highlighting the efficiency of business models that monetize user-generated content.
The data for this visualization comes from Multiples.
Revenue per Employee Leaders
OnlyFans, Valve, and YouTube are the top three leaders in this dataset. All three are digital platforms that have successfully scaled up with a relatively small workforce.
OnlyFans has 51-200 employees according to LinkedIn, while Valve operates Steam, the world’s largest PC gaming platform, with a workforce of just 350 people. YouTube has the largest headcount of the three, with 7,173 employees as of January 2024.
By leveraging user-generated content (OnlyFans and YouTube) or digital distribution strategies (Valve), these companies differ from traditional companies that rely on labor-intensive operations.
President Trump has vowed that there will be no more development of wind energy infrastructure under his administration, calling huge windmills blighting the landscape “garbage” and “bullshit.”
“We’re not going to let windmills get built because we’re not going to destroy our country any further than it’s already been destroyed,” Trump said.
He continued, “You go and look at these beautiful plains and valleys and they’re loaded up with this garbage that gets worse and worse looking with time…What bullshit this is.”
Still in the pretty old stuff so should be better than the last one. As you can see, I was still playing around for a title. I think that is in the next round of best of.
Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, one of the first young technologists brought on to Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), has returned to government shortly after resigning.
“Edward Coristine joined the Social Security Administration this week as a special government employee,” Stephen McGraw, an SSA spokesperson, tells WIRED. “His work will be focused on improving the functionality of the Social Security website and advancing our mission of delivering more efficient service to the American people.”
Multiple sources at the SSA tell WIRED that Coristine has appeared in person to work onsite at the agency’s Woodlawn, Maryland, headquarters. One SSA employee says they saw Coristine with DOGE engineer Aram Moghaddassi, a current X and former Neuralink employee deployed at the agency. The pair was spotted at the SSA cafeteria as recently as Monday, although it’s unclear what day this week Coristine’s employment officially began. “Coristine looked nervous, almost embarrassed,” the SSA source says. “Aram was on the phone with someone … then said, ‘Yes, I’m with him right now,’ gesturing to Big Balls.”
So to the reader who got offended last time, these are just as bad so you should move along. They are the teenage level humor that I am blessed with and would have said to my buddies at that age.
Porn star Kendra Lust wasn’t a fan whatsoever of what happened Tuesday night with Indiana Fever superstar Caitlin Clark, as the phenom was popped in the eye and blasted down on the court in the blowout victory over the Connecticut Sun.
Sun guard Marina Mabrey was the one who clobbered Clark to the ground, but despite that, referees only slapped her with a technical foul when she clearly should’ve been ejected. Clark was also dished a technical foul for pretty much defending herself, and Connecticut guard Jacy Sheldon was also given a tech for getting Clark in the eye.
Ken Lane posted that his blog took off when he drowned an asshole in Bear spray. This one happened to a Karen like protester, but if you watch the video, you wish you were pushing the button.
Surprise! They weren’t all like that, as viral video of a group of “protesters” in Charlotte, North Carolina, proved.
The video, which went viral after being reposted by antifa-chronicler Andy Ngo, began with some long-haired dude yelling at police on bikes to “de-escalate” and asking them if they knew what that meant, claiming that they punched his girlfriend. (What appears to be his girlfriend, for what it’s worth, didn’t seem too upset and seemed to want the guy to de-escalate.)
“Yeah, y’all real tough,” one protester can be heard saying before the camera panned through the crowd — with its assemblage of various lefty archetypes holding Mexican or upside-down American flags — to the front line at the intersection.
Charlotte, N.C. — A far-left rioter cried and writhed when pepper spray was deployed after a group of 'No Kings' protesters attempted to break through the police line.
All she wanted for her birthday this year was some wholesome entertainment in the form of a stripper. Is that too much to ask from the nursing home she resides in? Absolutely not.
Griffiths’ request came in the form of a wish that each of the 22 residents of the Hawthorn Court Care Home were invited to make on a “wishing tree,” according to Wales Online.
She wrote, “It is my birthday coming up, so I would like a stripper.” The staff went about making the arrangements to make this centenarian’s wish for a “butler in the buff” come true.
The manager of the nursing home wasn’t at all surprised by the wish. She said, “It’s Gwyneth to a T… she is one hell of a woman!”
One of her children says that when she was younger she was a very quiet and mild-mannered woman. She was much more reserved than she is today.
They killed King Salami. He’s now one of somebody’s 72 virgins.
That certainly didn’t age well. Bragging like they always do.
On Thursday, Major Gen. Hossein Salami — the head of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, the powerful branch of Iran’s armed forces set up by the theocratic regime after it took power in 1979 — was bragging on state media about how a recent haul of what he claimed were Israeli nuclear and military documents were proof Israeli intelligence was “permeable and threadbare,” claiming the haul would “enhance the country’s offensive capabilities.”
By Friday morning, he was dead, a victim of that “permeable and threadbare” Israeli intelligence.
The attack, The Wall Street Journal reported, “killed a number of Salami’s colleagues as well.”
Speaking last year, Salami said the United States “has targeted the entire Islamic world … it seeks to dominate all Muslims, hijack their cultural identities and seize their wealth. All Muslims are, therefore, in the same boat. If the enemy manages to infiltrate into a Muslim state, it will go on with others. Therefore, the path for aggressors to [advance their] dominance must be blocked.”
“The most abhorrent regimes on earth are Israel and the U.S., which supports it,” he said. “Through U.S. military and political support and on the West artificial respiration, it [Israel] has been able to extend its existence which is coming to an end.”
It’s like the girl trying to change marketing for Bud Light. It’s doomed. Men like what they are used to unless the attraction of adventure is too great. Sticking your dick in another dude’s ass isn’t going to wake up a lot of men.
The Democrat Party is grappling with a significant loss of male voter support that likely cost them the 2024 election. In a moment of clarity, Democrat strategist Joe Caiazzo lamented, “Everything we’ve done up to this point has resulted in reelecting Donald Trump.”
Bingo.
According to data from the progressive firm Catalist, Trump won 54% of male voters overall and 52% of men under 45, a significant gain from previous elections. Specifically, Democrat support among white college-educated men dropped from 2020, with Democrats securing only 51% of this group compared to 54% for Joe Biden. Among white non-college-educated men, Kamala Harris lost three points compared to Biden’s 2020 performance, while female support in this demographic remained steady. These figures highlight a gendered divergence: while women’s support for Democrats remained steady, men, particularly young and working-class men, shifted toward the Republican Party.
This guy has to be gaming the system. This is like Fawn Liebowitz in Animal House. He’s gamed the system so that he can go watch for free.
The Defense of Freedom Institute (DFI) filed a federal civil rights complaint against the South Colonie Central School District (SCCSD) in New York over a male student who allegedly frequently “switches gender identity throughout the day” to watch girls change in bathrooms and locker rooms.
DFI’s complaint alleges the high school boy competes on the boys’ track and field team and wears the male uniform, but claims a transgender identity during the school day to access the girls’ facilities. Several girls have reported the boy to school officials for “staring at them” while they changed, but the Title IX complaint alleges the school showed “deliberate indifference to that student-on-student harassment.”
The district told the Daily Caller News Foundation it was “unable to comment on individual student matters due to privacy laws” but “can confirm that the district responded to this situation accordingly.” SCCSD also cited several state laws that require schools to accommodate “gender identity.”
A study reveals that the one-letter reply “K” is more damaging than being ‘left on read.’
A study has confirmed what we all suspected: “K” is officially the worst text you can send.
It might look harmless enough, but this single letter has the power to shut down a conversation and leave the recipient spiraling. According to a study published in the International Journal of Mobile Communications, “K” was ranked as the most negatively received response in digital conversations—worse than being left on read or even a passive-aggressive “sure.”
The study found that the single-letter reply often signals emotional distance, passive-aggression, or outright disinterest. Despite its brevity, “K” carries surprising emotional weight. Adding an extra letter—making it “kk”—softens the tone of the reply entirely. Variants like “ok” or “okay,” while still cold, tend to be interpreted as neutral or merely formal.
Many of our day-to-day conversations happen over text, which means there are now unspoken codes of conduct to follow. If you want to open up about your emotions but don’t want to sound too serious, make sure to add “lol” to the end of those texts to show you’re just in a silly, goofy mood, and not suicidal. Giving advice to a friend that you don’t want to be held accountable for? Add an “idk” at the end of the sentence to mitigate culpability.
Nonverbal cues like tone, facial expressions, and body language can be difficult to convey via our phones, leaving the door wide open for misunderstanding and misinterpretation. Sometimes generational differences also impact how we send and interpret texts. In some cases, textual miscommunications can be relationship killers, research has found.
Some texters recognize the power of “k” and are willing to weaponize the letter to serve their own motives. One X user called it “the digital equivalent of slamming the door while making dead eye contact.” Another added: “K is short for ‘you’re dead to me.’ ”
Others advocate for the convenience of the single-letter response: “I’ve learned that rather than replying with a wall of text explaining how you feel, you should just type ‘K’ and hit send. No sense in wasting your valuable words.”
Many suggested other similarly anxiety-inducing replies. “Text her ‘he’s busy.’ see how triggered she gets. lol,” one X user suggested. “No lies told there. … Thumbs up is a very close second for me,” another added.
A third countered: “I raise you ‘we need to talk.’ ”
Hell, I’d do it for $5. We like our girls to have a pussy, not our men. The dems are trying so hard not to be masculine or have any male viralness that even the liberal women want a real man. Girls already have a pussy and don’t need another one, and that’s who the liberal men are.
Six months after a stinging nationwide rejection that handed Donald Trump a commanding reelection and fractured their core coalition, the Democratic Party is turning to a new solution: spending $20 million to figure out why young men don’t like them.
The project, codenamed SAM — short for “Speaking with American Men: A Strategic Plan” – is described in a prospectus obtained by the New York Times. It outlines a massive push to decode the language and culture of disaffected young men, particularly in online spaces, and includes a proposal to buy ads inside video games.
“Above all, we must shift from a moralizing tone,” the document urges.
The effort comes amid widespread Democratic soul-searching after a loss that wasn’t just electoral, but cultural. A recent NBC News poll placed the party’s favorability at just 27 percent, its worst showing in the poll’s 34-year history.
Focus groups show the branding problem is dire. One Georgia man recently summed it up succinctly: “A deer in headlights.” According to messaging consultant Anat Shenker-Osorio, Democrats are consistently described in her focus groups as “sloths,” “tortoises,” and now, apparently, roadkill.
“You stand there and you see the car coming,” the man explained. “But you’re going to stand there and get hit with it anyway.”
I’m not even going to build up to the asshole with potentials.
Hillary Clinton Loses It, Attacks Any Woman Not Loyal to Democrats
If there was a haggard face epitomizing much of what’s wrong with the elitist, out-of-touch, snobby, rudderless, aimless, disgusting, vile, deplorable, contemptible, nasty, brutal, disgusting and addled Democratic Party, it belongs to Ms. Rodham Clinton.
The former Obama-era Secretary of State and failed 2016 presidential candidate has mostly been on the political periphery since her humbling loss to then-and-future President Donald Trump.
Sure, she would pop up here and there to say something unhinged or do something stupid, but it’s all pretty par for the course from a woman willing to stay married to serial womanizer Bill Clinton.
I was dating what was to be my last girlfriend before I met my wife. Claudia.
We’d met through a mutual friend and I wasn’t seeing anyone so I was up for anything. My life at the time was on the go with travel, my last foray with alcohol and knowing life was going to catch up with me because I was the only one of my friends who hadn’t gotten married.
She was a piano teacher who lived half the week in Boca and the other in Miami (1.5 hours from Boca) to get her Ph.D. I had half the week off on my social calendar.
Why did I pick her for a girlfriend? I gave her a shot because she looked like a past girlfriend that I’m not sure I was over with in my head so we went out. They were way different so that moment passed by quickly.
To cut to the chase, 1 year became 2 and then I became bored. She was kind of a stiff out of the sack, but a pretty willing sport that gave me multiple options of places to put things in bed. I’d been pulling ass for many years and didn’t have the stamina to put up with girls’ verbal bullshit anymore. She, like all girls was afraid of her image to other people, including any shit that I pulled when I was with her. I was doing shit to her all the time because it was like dealing with a school girl as she’d lived such a sheltered life.
My level of boldness with pulling shit increased with how much I drank. At the time, it was a lot.
I got bored and had already gotten some side action on business trips and I noticed that it didn’t bother me guilt-wise. I actually never stopped sleeping with the last girl I broke up with before Claudia, We still banged the whole time I dated Claudia. She was away half the week so the ex sort of agreed to Friends With Benefits. She was secretary to the owner of the company, so as long as I was banging her, I found out the shit the company was doing.
So with that being said, I already knew that she was not going to be the one for life for me. I stuck around a little while longer for some reason (until I had another pony in the stable).
I for some dumbass reason took her to my parents, 4 hours there, 4 hours back. She acted ok and probably thought this was the next step in the wedding staircase. She’s about to find out where the staircase just ends.
I’d been making this drive for over a decade mostly solo so I’ve had to stop. I’ve found that there are outcroppings by the side of the road. You can just stand on the other side of the bushes and pee and be back on the road quickly.
I’m old so there were no Truck stop mega stations at this time or even a convenience store at every exit. You could go a long time before a real bathroom would come up. I learned to give up the fight early, go piss in the grass and be on my way. I found that people are way past you before they realized what they saw, and by then they couldn’t find my dick with a telescope.
So told Claudia too late about this, meaning I had to piss now. I didn’t think anything of it as I’ve done it dozens of times. She lost her mind that someone would see me pissing and her in the car. First of all, they wouldn’t see her, and most of all, a good girlfriend would laugh it off as guy stuff we do. Not this time.
The net of what happened was I had to drive for more than 3 exits (not close to each other) before I found an old gas station. The outside roadside was way cleaner than this bathroom. I had to piss so bad by then that I was almost doubled over. I was livid with Claudia though.
The net of what happened to Claudia was at that point, she was done in my mind. Anyone who is going to give me that much shit over nothing wasn’t going to be worth listening to for the rest of my life.
I didn’t say a fucking word to her the rest of the way home and I’m not sure I stayed with her that night. Girls can’t take it so she called. I told her my offer was dating part time because I was through in my head and if she wanted to bang on the side I’d do it. Her response, thinking that I’d back down was full time or no time. I said no time then and got off the phone quickly. I’d either lose that argument or waste too much time listening to crying bullshit.
You can only push a man so far, then he will stop, break, or deal with you. I dealt with her and shortly thereafter met my now wife. Since she’s European, they don’t care if you change clothes outside or even wear them at the beach so while I catch some married shit, it’s not about this.
So Claudia lost me by giving me too much shit about taking a leak by the side of the road.
On the other hand, her husband can thank me for teaching her how to swallow.
Musician Kid Rock has figured out why the US birthrate is so low; ‘Ugly ass, broke, crazy, deranged, TDS liberal women.’
Speaking with Fox News‘ Jesse Watters, the 54-year-old rocker responded to a clip of left-wing protesters, saying: “You look at these rallies, and it’s like a bunch of women that no guy wants to sleep with and a bunch of dudes that want to sleep with each other.”
“We have this low birth rate in America, and it all made sense. It just hit me right now, because who’s gonna sleep with these ugly ass, broke, crazy, deranged, TDS [Trump Derangement Syndrome] liberal women?“
Watters responded by asking whether Rock sees “blue hair” and “female armpit hair” at his concerts.
Everyone loves a minor league baseball bat dog. They run out, pick up a Louisville Slugger, and they get so excited about it, you’d think they had just won the lottery.
But, like any dog, sometimes nature calls, but it’s what happened after one such on-field dooking that left fans horrified.
The Kannapolis Cannon Balls are a Single-A affiliate of the Chicago White Sox, and according to Daily Mail, they were taking on the Carolina Mudcats on Tuesday night when the team’s bat dog, Kacey Betty — a certified good girl — decided to drop the kids off at the pool so to speak before going out and picking up a bat.
No biggie. It happens. But what happened next horrified the crowd, and it involved one man, a clipboard, and a bare hand.
A New Jersey firefighter decided to turn his own birthday party completely upside down. He had discovered his wife was cheating on him and decided to expose her at his own party.
He knew all about the Plan B pills she had to take, he knew about the other guy’s “skinny little pale thing,” and he knew it was over too. He pretended to need the ring off her finger, then tore into her and let everyone who was there know she was cheating.
The viral clip starts with the birthday boy announcing, “Even though it’s my birthday, I got her a little something right. Little happy wife, happy life bullshit.”
Nobody has any idea what’s about to happen. He’s handed a ring box as if he’s about to upgrade his wife’s ring or something. People think they’re witnessing a sweet moment between this seemingly lovely couple.
He has her join him, pulls the brilliant move of having her take her current ring off and give it to him, then plants a mafia-style kiss on her before letting her know that he knows all about her cheating.
“I f*cking know everything,” he says. “That’s right b*tch. I know everything. I had to see his skinny little pale thing. I wasn’t impressed. I know all about the Plan B pills you had to take.”
It seems like justice to me. I’ve had cheating whores in my past and getting rid of them was worth it every time. I even had to cut them out on social media when they tried to come back in my life. Fuck that.
I’m retired now. Whenever it strikes me that’s when I’m in the mood.
I think about this every Monday morning when I’m not in rush hour traffic, on conference calls, doing presentations, staff meetings, or other work related bullshit that kills productivity.
I work when the mood hits me for as long as I’m motivated. Sometimes it’s early, often it’s not. That goes for most things I do these days.
It’s no secret the Left is miserable. You can see it in their faces, literally, hear it in their rage, and feel it in every joyless comment they make online. For them, politics isn’t just a topic—it’s their entire personality. God, family, humor, hobbies? Nah. Their whole identity is wrapped around being angry, offended, and endlessly activated.
Meanwhile, conservatives are out here doing something radical: living life. Smiling. Starting families. Touching grass. Being normal.
And now, a new study validates these differences and says the quiet part out loud: the Right is not only much happier—we’re way better looking, too.
An article published in “Nature” analyzed over 3,300 photos to explore the connection between facial features and political views. The results weren’t too flattering for our angry, homely friends on the Left. Turns out, science isn’t their friend after all.
Delusions of Adequacy 
