Category: fun

Hung Like A Bat Bigger Than Hung Like A Horse

This is how you brag

When the male serotine bat’s penis is erect, it is “seven times longer and wider” than the female’s vagina, making intromission impossible. Instead, males have been found to use their penis as a “copulatory arm,” per the study.

I don’t recall that ever being a complaint about me.

How big is too big? Read here

Elevators, Awkward X 1000 When Talking Or Farting

Everyone has that one friend. In my high school, his name was Rick. For some reason, his stomach did more than ours did and when he farted, it cleared the room. One time, we were outside waiting for a concert and he let one fly. Even in the open air the crowd parted it was so bad.

He became a stewardess after college. He told us about crop dusting the passengers near the bathroom so they would think that it came from someone dropping a deuce.

The best story is that he was visiting the Empire State Building. Right before he got off the express elevator, he let one fly that was God awful he said. A bunch of his male stewardess friends were just getting on, and they were stuck for 50 floors in his sewer air. It was so bad that one of them gave him a hard time a full 3 months later for trapping them in that stench. I’ve tried without success since the day he told me that story to duplicate this feat.

As for me, I’ll pick the empty car every time, even if it is just one floor. I admit I’ve closed the door before others could get in. Why do people get so awkward in a specific place?

As an introvert, every closed room with strangers is awkward. It gets compounded by a group of chatty girls (any age) or someone who wants to talk. That is the quiet zone, like the library where you should STFU until it’s time to get off.

Be a good citizen and kind to introverts. Don’t talk. Also, don’t fart in elevators.

What’s The Prize When You Win An Italian Bike Race In On The Bologna Hilltop?

What else. How are you ever going to eat all of that?

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Well blow me down mateys, it be that time of year again!  This proud tradition started 27 years ago.  Don’t be a scurvy dog and forget to talk like a pirate, all day long!  In thewords of “Steve the Pirate” from the movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”  –  “gar”.

Unwritten Rules For Men

If you read how it’s harder to be a man than you thought (why trans men can’t pull it off), you know that life is harder for guys than we let on.

Hell, half the pressure is stuff we put on ourselves, but then so is half of the enjoyment of pulling it off.

(From the link above)

Men are in competition with each other. Men vie to express dominance, to establish their place in the pecking order.

If a man steps out of line, and assumes a place in the pecking order that is not agreed upon – this place being based upon established social agreements that no one can see, nor express in words – he is summarily dismissed.

If he still believes the territory, he has assumed, is rightfully his, he will endure all manner of insults and attacks, up to, and including, physical attacks

This begins for boys some time just after the toddler stage, and intensifies through the teen years, and early adulthood.

Men find this competition exhilarating, though it is also challenging, and often ends in shocking defeats. 

WE MAKE UP GAMES TO COMPETE, EVEN WITH OURSELVES.

See the meme above. One of the unwritten rules for guys is you have to (at least try) to get all the shopping bags in one trip.

Next, we can’t just throw away a wad of paper if there is a hoop to make. Back up and see how far you can be before you miss. Add difficulty by changing hands or twice in a row. Hell, I toss ice cubes that fell on the floor behind my back into the sink. Putting them there would be too easy, or conversely not enough of a challenge.

I told my son this one. You have to open the garage door as far as possible when driving up. You need to know the range in case of (imagined) attack, or whatever. Never can you wait in the driveway while the door is opening.

You have to park in the spot first time. To add difficulty, back in. The ultimate challenge is parallel parking uphill on the wrong side of the street while driving stick shift with people in your car to judge you. It has to be done the first try. (I’ve done it).

Then there are the bathroom rules.

Like this.

And of course which one to use.

And this.

Here are 30 guy rules, but I didn’t know about the fart window in the public restroom.

Fat Bottom Girls Gets Cancelled, Ha…But Rap That Says Kill Females Is Somehow OK

The story is below, but it’s a joke that the stuff that is said in (c)rap music is acceptable and they want to ban an actual good song.

I rarely post music, but here are 3 good versions of a great song which has stood the test of time. It reminds me of an Italian biker I used to ride with. I bet she asked am I fat about 50+ times. If you have to ask, then maybe……

You may have to watch it on youtube, but everyone loves this song.

Here it is live

Here is a great cover of it

Here’s the story.

From Lizzo to Meghan Trainor, music celebrating bigger women has become big business in the era of big people. Perhaps if the 1970s rock band Queen had been led by a woman, particularly a bigger woman, they too would join the hall of fame of body-positive musicians.

Except on Saturday, the Daily Mail reported the band’s blockbuster track, “Fat Bottomed Girls,” was left off the group’s Greatest Hits collection.

Written by guitarist Brian May, the legendary 1978 record served generations as an anthem to male admiration of women with larger-than-average bodies.

“But 45 years later, it appears that lyrics such as ‘left alone with big fat Fanny, she was such a naughty nanny, big woman, you made a bad boy out of me’ and ‘fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin’ world go round’ have been hit by the woke cancel culture,” the Mail reported. “It was such a popular hit for Queen that it appeared fourth on the band’s original 1981 greatest hits album along with Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Me Now and We Will Rock You.”

Last week, however, “Fat Bottomed Girls” was absent from a list of songs put out by Universal Records highlighting Queen’s greatest hits.

While the exact circumstances of the song’s omission from the label remain unclear, an industry insider told the Daily Mail the song was inappropriately singled out.

“It is the talk of the music industry, nobody can work out why such a good-natured fun song can’t be acceptable in today’s society.”

If the song was omitted for its male appreciation for big women, the cancellation is not only ironic under the shadow of Lizzo’s star power but signals a threat to music by other artists who express reverence for women of a larger size. Coincidentally, Lizzo’s stardom has been recently dimmed by accusations of sexual misconduct and more frivolous charges of “fat shaming.”

Queen’s 1978 release of “Fat Bottomed Girls” was a precursor to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s number-one hit to follow 14 years later, “Baby Got Back.” The lyrics were far more explicit, as is typical with rap music. The 1992 song’s opening narrator even characterized a big-bootied black woman as a “prostitute.”

More here

Life Got Better For Everyone, Hollywood Actors And Writers Are On Strike

What’s funny is most people haven’t noticed.

The biggest effect on me is that Jeopardy is in re-runs, but I can live with that.

They’ll do the usual dance about pay and resolve it somehow, but in the meantime we won’t be subjected to the woke crap like what Disney has been putting out recently.

It amuses me that the Sound of Freedom is doing well, despite no support from the media or Hollywood. They don’t want decent or honest films going out.

We’ll also have a start up period where nothing is getting made as they have to start writing again and re-opening the movie sets. Then the woke crap will be back on the screens.

I don’t bother with that anymore and barely watch much, only what I can stomach.

Go outside and enjoy the day. Actually do things rather than sit in front of the screen. It’s a lost art. There was nothing on for kids when I was young. We entertained ourselves, played sports or made up stuff to do.

I was watching a video of girls talking about would they date an incel (involuntary celibate guy). They said get your head out of the computer if you want your dick wet. Otherwise they didn’t want anything to do with them.

Maybe the writers will stay on strike so everyone wins.

National Mustard Day

Well, there is one that you don’t hear about that often.

From their website:

It’s always the first Saturday in August, and that means August 5, 2023, is fast approaching. Things are coming together and we have updated information for this year’s event on our National Mustard Day page. We just confirmed our headliner for the French’s Music Stage will be Frank Martin Busch and the Names. Frank grew up in Cuba City, Wisconsin, and brings his Americana music to the main stage. It’s a mix of solid rhythms, jangly guitars, honky tonk piano and harmonicas with a little steel guitars. As Frank calls it, “it’s country music without bedazzled jeans with roots from red dirt country rather than Nashville.”

It’s not complete without that famous treat sure to take the world by storm, Mustard Skittles.

Mustard Skittles are suddenly a thing — and the internet wants to know why

By

Brooke Kato

Updated

High IQ Humor – Physics Style

Of course…

 Mass =  ρ × v

Where,

ρ = density and

v = the volume

The weight mass formula is given as

m = w / g

Where,

w= weight

m = mass

g = gravity

The mass formula is also given as

m = F / a

If acceleration itself is the gravity, then

M = F / g

Where,

F = force

G = gravity

According to Einstein’s mass-energy relation 

m = (E / c2)

Where,

m = mass

E = energy

c = speed of light (3×108 m/s)

The kinetic energy mass formula is given as

K.E = ½ mv2

Where,

m = mass,

v = velocity.

Example 1

Calculate the mass if the weight of a body is 80 N.

Solution:

Given,

weight of the body = 80 N

The mass of the body is expressed by

m = w / g

m = 80 / 9.8

m = 8.163 kg

Example 2

Determine the mass of a body if the K.E is 70 J and velocity is 8m/s.

Solution:

Given:

K.E = 70 J

v = 8 m/s

the mass is expressed by

m = 2 K.E / v2

m = (2 × 70)/ 82

m = 14o/64

m= 2.18 kg

Yeah, I’m Out On This One Also

When I was younger, I was out with some friends. We were eating oysters and drinking pitchers of beer (no Bud Light back then, I’m that old). I slurped down an oyster and my buddy’s girlfriend comes out with this beauty. Now you know what it is like to swallow.

Oysters were never the same for me again.

Why I Always Pick Carbonated Water – It Has C02 In it And Pisses Off The Greenies

I’ve known this for a long time. I actually like the taste of mineral water, but realized a while back that it has C02 in it when I bought a Soda Stream. It uses C02 tanks. It’s good for the plants so good for the environment.

Now it comes out that that the climatards just figured this out. Bear in mind that Perrier and San Pelagrino have been around well before these weenies were born and there wasn’t a climate problem.

It’s the little victories that count. I find it funny every time I can do something they get upset about, especially when they are wrong. They are in it to ruin our lives and pimp us for more money.

I’ll be toasting to Al Gore when I have a glass tonight.

From Vlad Tepes.

Now Mineral Water Has Also Become a “Climate Killer”

In the joint large-scale undertaking of an informal ideological Stasi made up of scientists, NGOs and state-related institutions to scour the entire everyday life of Germans for climate-damaging consumption habits and behavior in order to feed the results of the political decision-making process for the gradual implementation of a totalitarian climate dictatorship, no area of life and no detail is spared: The “non-profit” association “a tip:tap” recently commissioned a remarkable study on the climate damage caused by sparkling water. Somebody must have noticed that sparkling water equals carbon dioxide equals CO2 — which is essential for life (on Earth), but deemed a “climate killer” and thus as a trace gas, an alleged “environmental toxin”, for whose symbolic “reduction” Germany is wildly prepared to sacrifice its civilizational prosperity.

The result of the study followed as expected: it now also declares drinking mineral water to be a climate sin. Because: Its consumption in Germany consumes around 1.5 times as much CO2 as the entire domestic German air traffic, calculate the green flunky scientists. Even during its production, mineral water requires many more process steps than tap water because it has to be cleaned after treatment and bottled under higher standards. In addition, the production of the bottles, the transport to the supermarket and the way home from there drive emissions even further up. Overall, according to the study, mineral water produces 202.74 g of CO2 equivalents per liter — tap water, on the other hand, only 0.35 g. This means that still water performs around 586 times better than bottled mineral water.

Inquisition and abjuration mechanisms

Extrapolated to the annual consumption in Germany, which is currently 181.4 liters per capita, and a population of over 83 million, this would add up to three million tons of CO2. Of course: an intolerable situation! The green regulators and prohibition high priests are in demand! Therefore — and in order to promote a climate-friendly way of life — the association logically calls for a switch to consumption limited solely to tap water. Support for this next plan for paternalism and restricting freedom comes from the radical left-wing ZDF [public broadcaster] dirt-slinger Jan Böhmermann: He had already taken up the issue in a typical agitprop manner and also used the opportunity to launch one of his slanderous sweeping attacks — this time against the water provider and well builder “Viva con Agua”.

Among other things, Böhmermann complained that the company not only dared to produce mineral water, but also had no workers’ council and paid its employees too poorly. According to today’s inquisition and abjuration mechanisms, ”Viva con Agua” immediately rolled over and publicly announced that they would fully support drinking more tap water in Germany in the future. The company management also bowed and submissively justified itself that the employees in the filling plant had not previously asked for the formation of a workers’ council and were paid according to the applicable industry standards. This climate of high-handed public accusations and flaunted remorse, along with a bad conscience, does not bode well: It is not impossible that the Greens will start a campaign for a mineral water ban and order the future consumption of only tap water — or better yet, collected rainwater. [And I’m pretty sure that people will have to pay for that water according to the yearly rainfall, and I’m pretty sure that Coca-Cola will be exempt from this madness, too.]

There is more at the link above, but I think you get the drift

May The Fourth Be With…Well, Not Everyone

I think they can’t see or there is some defect in the clones. Storm Troopers went from deadly, murderous villains doing the work of the evil Lord Vader, to the 3 stooges who couldn’t hit Han Solo or Luke in a hallway a few feet wide in the prison cell.

It went downhill from there.