Category: fun

What’s The Prize When You Win An Italian Bike Race In On The Bologna Hilltop?

What else. How are you ever going to eat all of that?

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Well blow me down mateys, it be that time of year again!  This proud tradition started 27 years ago.  Don’t be a scurvy dog and forget to talk like a pirate, all day long!  In thewords of “Steve the Pirate” from the movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”  –  “gar”.

Unwritten Rules For Men

If you read how it’s harder to be a man than you thought (why trans men can’t pull it off), you know that life is harder for guys than we let on.

Hell, half the pressure is stuff we put on ourselves, but then so is half of the enjoyment of pulling it off.

(From the link above)

Men are in competition with each other. Men vie to express dominance, to establish their place in the pecking order.

If a man steps out of line, and assumes a place in the pecking order that is not agreed upon – this place being based upon established social agreements that no one can see, nor express in words – he is summarily dismissed.

If he still believes the territory, he has assumed, is rightfully his, he will endure all manner of insults and attacks, up to, and including, physical attacks

This begins for boys some time just after the toddler stage, and intensifies through the teen years, and early adulthood.

Men find this competition exhilarating, though it is also challenging, and often ends in shocking defeats. 

WE MAKE UP GAMES TO COMPETE, EVEN WITH OURSELVES.

See the meme above. One of the unwritten rules for guys is you have to (at least try) to get all the shopping bags in one trip.

Next, we can’t just throw away a wad of paper if there is a hoop to make. Back up and see how far you can be before you miss. Add difficulty by changing hands or twice in a row. Hell, I toss ice cubes that fell on the floor behind my back into the sink. Putting them there would be too easy, or conversely not enough of a challenge.

I told my son this one. You have to open the garage door as far as possible when driving up. You need to know the range in case of (imagined) attack, or whatever. Never can you wait in the driveway while the door is opening.

You have to park in the spot first time. To add difficulty, back in. The ultimate challenge is parallel parking uphill on the wrong side of the street while driving stick shift with people in your car to judge you. It has to be done the first try. (I’ve done it).

Then there are the bathroom rules.

Like this.

And of course which one to use.

And this.

Here are 30 guy rules, but I didn’t know about the fart window in the public restroom.

Fat Bottom Girls Gets Cancelled, Ha…But Rap That Says Kill Females Is Somehow OK

The story is below, but it’s a joke that the stuff that is said in (c)rap music is acceptable and they want to ban an actual good song.

I rarely post music, but here are 3 good versions of a great song which has stood the test of time. It reminds me of an Italian biker I used to ride with. I bet she asked am I fat about 50+ times. If you have to ask, then maybe……

You may have to watch it on youtube, but everyone loves this song.

Here it is live

Here is a great cover of it

Here’s the story.

From Lizzo to Meghan Trainor, music celebrating bigger women has become big business in the era of big people. Perhaps if the 1970s rock band Queen had been led by a woman, particularly a bigger woman, they too would join the hall of fame of body-positive musicians.

Except on Saturday, the Daily Mail reported the band’s blockbuster track, “Fat Bottomed Girls,” was left off the group’s Greatest Hits collection.

Written by guitarist Brian May, the legendary 1978 record served generations as an anthem to male admiration of women with larger-than-average bodies.

“But 45 years later, it appears that lyrics such as ‘left alone with big fat Fanny, she was such a naughty nanny, big woman, you made a bad boy out of me’ and ‘fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin’ world go round’ have been hit by the woke cancel culture,” the Mail reported. “It was such a popular hit for Queen that it appeared fourth on the band’s original 1981 greatest hits album along with Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Me Now and We Will Rock You.”

Last week, however, “Fat Bottomed Girls” was absent from a list of songs put out by Universal Records highlighting Queen’s greatest hits.

While the exact circumstances of the song’s omission from the label remain unclear, an industry insider told the Daily Mail the song was inappropriately singled out.

“It is the talk of the music industry, nobody can work out why such a good-natured fun song can’t be acceptable in today’s society.”

If the song was omitted for its male appreciation for big women, the cancellation is not only ironic under the shadow of Lizzo’s star power but signals a threat to music by other artists who express reverence for women of a larger size. Coincidentally, Lizzo’s stardom has been recently dimmed by accusations of sexual misconduct and more frivolous charges of “fat shaming.”

Queen’s 1978 release of “Fat Bottomed Girls” was a precursor to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s number-one hit to follow 14 years later, “Baby Got Back.” The lyrics were far more explicit, as is typical with rap music. The 1992 song’s opening narrator even characterized a big-bootied black woman as a “prostitute.”

More here

Life Got Better For Everyone, Hollywood Actors And Writers Are On Strike

What’s funny is most people haven’t noticed.

The biggest effect on me is that Jeopardy is in re-runs, but I can live with that.

They’ll do the usual dance about pay and resolve it somehow, but in the meantime we won’t be subjected to the woke crap like what Disney has been putting out recently.

It amuses me that the Sound of Freedom is doing well, despite no support from the media or Hollywood. They don’t want decent or honest films going out.

We’ll also have a start up period where nothing is getting made as they have to start writing again and re-opening the movie sets. Then the woke crap will be back on the screens.

I don’t bother with that anymore and barely watch much, only what I can stomach.

Go outside and enjoy the day. Actually do things rather than sit in front of the screen. It’s a lost art. There was nothing on for kids when I was young. We entertained ourselves, played sports or made up stuff to do.

I was watching a video of girls talking about would they date an incel (involuntary celibate guy). They said get your head out of the computer if you want your dick wet. Otherwise they didn’t want anything to do with them.

Maybe the writers will stay on strike so everyone wins.

National Mustard Day

Well, there is one that you don’t hear about that often.

From their website:

It’s always the first Saturday in August, and that means August 5, 2023, is fast approaching. Things are coming together and we have updated information for this year’s event on our National Mustard Day page. We just confirmed our headliner for the French’s Music Stage will be Frank Martin Busch and the Names. Frank grew up in Cuba City, Wisconsin, and brings his Americana music to the main stage. It’s a mix of solid rhythms, jangly guitars, honky tonk piano and harmonicas with a little steel guitars. As Frank calls it, “it’s country music without bedazzled jeans with roots from red dirt country rather than Nashville.”

It’s not complete without that famous treat sure to take the world by storm, Mustard Skittles.

Mustard Skittles are suddenly a thing — and the internet wants to know why

By

Brooke Kato

Updated

High IQ Humor – Physics Style

Of course…

 Mass =  ρ × v

Where,

ρ = density and

v = the volume

The weight mass formula is given as

m = w / g

Where,

w= weight

m = mass

g = gravity

The mass formula is also given as

m = F / a

If acceleration itself is the gravity, then

M = F / g

Where,

F = force

G = gravity

According to Einstein’s mass-energy relation 

m = (E / c2)

Where,

m = mass

E = energy

c = speed of light (3×108 m/s)

The kinetic energy mass formula is given as

K.E = ½ mv2

Where,

m = mass,

v = velocity.

Example 1

Calculate the mass if the weight of a body is 80 N.

Solution:

Given,

weight of the body = 80 N

The mass of the body is expressed by

m = w / g

m = 80 / 9.8

m = 8.163 kg

Example 2

Determine the mass of a body if the K.E is 70 J and velocity is 8m/s.

Solution:

Given:

K.E = 70 J

v = 8 m/s

the mass is expressed by

m = 2 K.E / v2

m = (2 × 70)/ 82

m = 14o/64

m= 2.18 kg

Yeah, I’m Out On This One Also

When I was younger, I was out with some friends. We were eating oysters and drinking pitchers of beer (no Bud Light back then, I’m that old). I slurped down an oyster and my buddy’s girlfriend comes out with this beauty. Now you know what it is like to swallow.

Oysters were never the same for me again.

Why I Always Pick Carbonated Water – It Has C02 In it And Pisses Off The Greenies

I’ve known this for a long time. I actually like the taste of mineral water, but realized a while back that it has C02 in it when I bought a Soda Stream. It uses C02 tanks. It’s good for the plants so good for the environment.

Now it comes out that that the climatards just figured this out. Bear in mind that Perrier and San Pelagrino have been around well before these weenies were born and there wasn’t a climate problem.

It’s the little victories that count. I find it funny every time I can do something they get upset about, especially when they are wrong. They are in it to ruin our lives and pimp us for more money.

I’ll be toasting to Al Gore when I have a glass tonight.

From Vlad Tepes.

Now Mineral Water Has Also Become a “Climate Killer”

In the joint large-scale undertaking of an informal ideological Stasi made up of scientists, NGOs and state-related institutions to scour the entire everyday life of Germans for climate-damaging consumption habits and behavior in order to feed the results of the political decision-making process for the gradual implementation of a totalitarian climate dictatorship, no area of life and no detail is spared: The “non-profit” association “a tip:tap” recently commissioned a remarkable study on the climate damage caused by sparkling water. Somebody must have noticed that sparkling water equals carbon dioxide equals CO2 — which is essential for life (on Earth), but deemed a “climate killer” and thus as a trace gas, an alleged “environmental toxin”, for whose symbolic “reduction” Germany is wildly prepared to sacrifice its civilizational prosperity.

The result of the study followed as expected: it now also declares drinking mineral water to be a climate sin. Because: Its consumption in Germany consumes around 1.5 times as much CO2 as the entire domestic German air traffic, calculate the green flunky scientists. Even during its production, mineral water requires many more process steps than tap water because it has to be cleaned after treatment and bottled under higher standards. In addition, the production of the bottles, the transport to the supermarket and the way home from there drive emissions even further up. Overall, according to the study, mineral water produces 202.74 g of CO2 equivalents per liter — tap water, on the other hand, only 0.35 g. This means that still water performs around 586 times better than bottled mineral water.

Inquisition and abjuration mechanisms

Extrapolated to the annual consumption in Germany, which is currently 181.4 liters per capita, and a population of over 83 million, this would add up to three million tons of CO2. Of course: an intolerable situation! The green regulators and prohibition high priests are in demand! Therefore — and in order to promote a climate-friendly way of life — the association logically calls for a switch to consumption limited solely to tap water. Support for this next plan for paternalism and restricting freedom comes from the radical left-wing ZDF [public broadcaster] dirt-slinger Jan Böhmermann: He had already taken up the issue in a typical agitprop manner and also used the opportunity to launch one of his slanderous sweeping attacks — this time against the water provider and well builder “Viva con Agua”.

Among other things, Böhmermann complained that the company not only dared to produce mineral water, but also had no workers’ council and paid its employees too poorly. According to today’s inquisition and abjuration mechanisms, ”Viva con Agua” immediately rolled over and publicly announced that they would fully support drinking more tap water in Germany in the future. The company management also bowed and submissively justified itself that the employees in the filling plant had not previously asked for the formation of a workers’ council and were paid according to the applicable industry standards. This climate of high-handed public accusations and flaunted remorse, along with a bad conscience, does not bode well: It is not impossible that the Greens will start a campaign for a mineral water ban and order the future consumption of only tap water — or better yet, collected rainwater. [And I’m pretty sure that people will have to pay for that water according to the yearly rainfall, and I’m pretty sure that Coca-Cola will be exempt from this madness, too.]

There is more at the link above, but I think you get the drift

May The Fourth Be With…Well, Not Everyone

I think they can’t see or there is some defect in the clones. Storm Troopers went from deadly, murderous villains doing the work of the evil Lord Vader, to the 3 stooges who couldn’t hit Han Solo or Luke in a hallway a few feet wide in the prison cell.

It went downhill from there.

Murphy’s Mother’s Laws

Another long lost post.

Murphy’s mothers laws

  • Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don’t..
  • A mother’s love is a better cure than chicken soup, but chicken soup is cheaper.
  • Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
  • Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother. She probably won’t know either, but she will fake it.
  • Maternal instinct is stronger than any force known except an IRS collection agent.
  • The more you try to stay on your mother’s good side the harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
  • The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her kids are rotten.
  • If you can’t remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn’t.
  • The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
  • If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you don’t repeat them.
  • Anything you do can be criticized by your mother – even doing nothing.
  • Never criticize your mother’s cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
  • If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
  • You can’t “out mother” your mother. Don’t even try.
  • Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
  • The harder you try to hide something from your mother, the more she resembles a webcam.
  • The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
  • All mother’s have a “How To” manual. That’s because they wrote the book.
  • Mother’s way is best. If you don’t believe it, ask her.
  • Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells you why it isn’t.
  • One mother is company, two is a psychic reading, three is a hen party, four is a bridge club.
  • If you don’t have time to study the drivers’ manual, drive your mother somewhere and get a quick refresher course.
  • When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
  • The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer she will “save” it before she uses it.
  • No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it against you.
  • No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that mother will not offer you more food.
  • If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or the directions.
  • The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
  • Accomplishments are made possible by your mother – failures are your own fault.
  • Never forget who rocked you as a baby. That’s something else you will never be able to repay her for.
  • Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you’ve already done it.
  • The longer it’s been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
  • No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger than you are.
  • The more you detest an item that belongs to your mother, the more likely it is that she will try to give it to you.
  • If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom does it, you should have done it yourself.
  • You never are as good as other people’s children. You are never as bad as mom imagines.
  • The only thing more accurate than a mother’s advice is her memory of the times you didn’t take it.
  • The funnier the joke is, the more likely mom will think it is dirty.
  • Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
  • If the job of a mother is going smoothly, she thinks she isn’t doing it well.
  • There are always two sides to a story – the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
  • Mothers always “know.” We don’t know how – they just do.
  • Murphy’s mother told him so.

This article was written by Sheila Moss, from Humor Columnist.Com and copied with her permission.
Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss

  • a child will never ask Mom to get something until she sits down.
    Corollary – a child will only ask for a glass of milk after you put the milk carton back in the refrigerator.
    Sent by Lexia Gibson
  • Call your Mom
    Sent by Nikki Hubbell-VanHoosear
  • If your kid grows up to be like you its an insult, not to you, to the kid
    Sent by Mohammed Ram jackson
  • You can fool some people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, but you can’t fool Mum
    Sent by Meself
  • Small, teething children will chew on the most valuable thing within reach. The same goes for puppies and juvenile tigers, bears, or crocodiles.
    Sent by -?Anonymous!
  • If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

Stuff You Need To Know, To Know Everything

I lost a year and a half of posts when I switched from blogger to WordPress. I’ll post some of the stuff mostly to get it on record.

December 28th, 2006 by jsimonds

“Stewardesses”  is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop”  with your right.   (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn’t  you?)

No  word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or  purple.

“Dreamt”  is the only English word that ends in the letters  “mt”. (Are  you doubting this?)

Our  eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears  never stop growing.

The  sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every  letter of the alphabet. (Now,  you KNOW you’re going to try this out for accuracy,  right?)

The  words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are  read left to right or right to left  (palindromes).(Yep,  I knew you were going to “do” this one.)

There  are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”:  tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and  hazardous.  (You’re  not doubting this, are you?)

There  are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in  order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”(Yes,  admit it, you are going to say . a e i o  u)

TYPEWRITER  is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one  row of the keyboard.(All  you typists are going to test this  out)

A  cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A  “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a  second.

A  shark is the only fish that can blink with both  eyes.

A  snail can sleep for three years.(I  know some people that could do this too.)

Almonds  are a member of the peach family.

An  ostrich’s eye is bigger than its  brain.

Babies  are born without kneecaps They don’t appear until the child  reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February  1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full  moon

In  the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been  domesticated.

If  the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of  the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo  Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts  are one of the ingredients of  dynamite!

Rubber  bands last longer when refrigerated.

The  average person’s left hand does 56% of the  typing.

The  cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel  that it burns.

The  microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube  and a chocolate bar melted in his  pocket.(Good  thing he did that)

The  winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara  Falls froze completely solid.

There  are more chickens than people in the  world.

Winston  Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a  dance.

Women  blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everything you need to know.

Captain Obvious: No Self Driving Ferrari Per The Company

Why would you want to ride in a Ferrari when you can command such a beast around the roads? It would be like having the most beautiful girl in the world and not sleep with her.

At least the company headquartered in Maranello announced they won’t pollute the sanctity of their driving machines with this feature.

They caved to e-fuels, but the essence of the prancing horse will stay intact.

Story:

Self-driving Ferraris are not for us, Ferrari chief executive Ferrari Benedetto Vigna said Monday. “Lifestyle business is immportant for us,” Vigna said. “It allows us to expand links with our community.”

Vigna also welcomed plans to exempt cars that run on e-fuels from the European Union’s planned 2035 phase-out of new combustion engine vehicles as they will give the luxury carmaker “greater freedom” on its power systems.

COMBUSTION ENGINE EXCEPTION

The European Union and Germany have reached a deal allowing new cars powered by combustion engines (ICE) to be sold beyond the 2035 deadline, or 2036 for so-called small volume manufacturers like Ferrari, if they run on carbon-neutral e-fuels.

“The good news for us as a company is that on top of electric cars, we’ll also be able to go on with our internal combustion engines ones,” Vigna told a Reuters Newsmaker event.

“This decision is very interesting for us because it allows ICEs to go beyond 2036,” he added.

Ferrari, which is renowned for its powerful petrol engines, is already producing plug-in hybrid cars and has promised its first full-electric vehicle for 2025.

However, Ferrari, which sold over 13,200 cars in 2022, has never provided a roadmap for going all electric.

Presenting its new business plan last year, Ferrari said fully electric and hybrid models would make up 80% of those in its range by 2030, while 20% would still be powered by internal combustion engines.

“This does not change,” Vigna said. “We don’t want to tell clients which car to use. We want to make three kinds of propulsion available for them – hybrid, electric and ICE – and they will chose.”

SPENDING UNCHANGED

Vigna reassured investors that the company’s investment plans would not be affected by combustion engines getting an extended life, as Ferrari had already “embedded” this scenario in its business plan.

“The figure I gave (last year) – 4.4 billion euros ($4.7 billion) for capex in the 2022-2026 period – it’s enough for us to go ahead with electrification and also with ICEs which are compatible with e-fuels,” he said.

Vigna said Ferrari’s upcoming electric model would be “a unique car” but would not be drawn on details, adding that “keeping secret is part of the recipe.”

He added it was wrong to assume that specific forms of propulsion would match specific models in the future. Fuels are a mean to provide the performance expected from a Ferrari car, he said.

He said that the price of e-fuels, or synthetic fuels, was likely to come down as they are developed in coming years.

“They’re a new technology, and like for all new technologies they have time to become cheaper,” he said. ($1 = 0.9279 euros)

The Real Difference Between Men And Women

My friend Joel Hagberg told me about this. With all the crap news going on, here’s a little (a lot of) humor.

In the current day when we have a Supreme Court Justice who can’t define what a woman is until there is a man involved, I have an easy test.

Here is the answer. Men think the 3 Stooges are funny. Yes, we can watch it and die laughing. Girls don’t get why we think it’s so funny.

Here’s a clip to make it easy. Separate 2 eggs is completely different for males and females, click to find out.

I for one find it hilarious.