#9  Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8  Life is sexually transmitted.

#7  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6   Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can’t tell them apart.  If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3  All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

#2  In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal

#1  Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers.  What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.