Interviewing, What Not to Say

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As I face the end of this phase of my corporate career, I recall back on the many interviews I’ve had.  Some went well as I’ve had jobs, and certainly many did not as I didn’t get others.

The strangest question I was ever asked was if you could choose whether to be on a planet where you worked all the time or one that you could rest and play all the time, which would you choose?  Fortunately, I answered I’d go to the planet to work all the time so that I could get to the other one to enjoy the fruits of my labor.  Somehow that worked and I got the job.

After I wrote this, one of my friends from work sent me this worthy entry.  Thanks Arline.

  After spending 30 minutes interviewing a young man for a position  
        he asked if I would elaborate a little more on my own position, I
        kindly agreed, He then said he had decided he wanted my Job and
        not the on he was interviewing for.

After hearing the mention of what people say, I decided to include these answers from Rachel Farrell, Careerbuilder.com, to whom I give full credit.

You can always depend on young children to tell you exactly what they think, or precisely how they feel on any given topic. Want to know if your breath smells bad, if you should wear a different tie or if you really look fat in that outfit? Find a 5-year-old. He will give you an uncensored, honest answer.

Needless to say, we expect more from adults. Especially adults who are interviewing for a job.

For the second year in a row, we asked hiring managers everywhere to tell us the craziest thing they’ve ever heard in an interview. Keep reading for 37 hilarious (and true) statements from the job candidates:

1. “I interviewed a gentleman who looked great on paper but said two things during the interview that made me think, ‘Really?’ When starting the interview, I asked him what his hobbies were, to lighten the mood. He replied, ‘I sometimes walk up to perfect strangers just to say hello. I also like to pick up trash if I see some when I’m walking around.’ After I asked him how the position would contribute to his professional goals and future plans, he replied, ‘My main goal is to be a rock star; this is more of a backup plan.’” – Jessica Harrington, marketing associate, Eastern Michigan University

2. “I remember interviewing a secretary some years ago and asking her, ‘What is important to you in a job?’ Her answer was: ‘I want to work close to Bloomingdales.’” – Bettina Seidman, career management coach, Seidbet Associates

3. “‘When your workload is heavy and you are overwhelmed, how do you handle the stress?’ ‘I run in the bathroom and cry.’” — Jessica Simko, Career Branding Guide

4. “We performed mock interviews where our clients were put in an interview session using their real backgrounds, interests, etc. When asked why the client left her last job, which was in a family buffet-style restaurant, her response was, ‘I was hungry and didn’t know it would be a problem so I had pizza delivered to the restaurant while was on the clock.’” – Jacqueline Lisenby, chief visionary officer and president, StatusJ Entertainment Group

5. “I interviewed a senior engineer for one of our open positions. He demanded coffee and proceeded to spill coffee in his lap. Then he pointed to his groin area, laughed and said, ‘It looks like I wet myself!’ Needless to say, he didn’t get the job.” – Lisa Hall, human resources trainer and author of “Taking Charge of Your Own Health”

6. “I recently had the craziest interviewee ever come into our offices for a copywriter position. I wanted enthusiastic, but this guy was so over the top, I almost laughed in the middle of the interview. He high-fived someone on my team after hearing that my team member just got engaged. He talked about how terrible his boss was for a good 20 minutes. He said he felt like he was already working with us. And then he left something behind so that he could come back and get it. He called wondering when he could come back, and we [saw] him prepping in the parking lot.” – Amanda Halm, senior copywriter, editor, Bridezilla.com

7. “Without a doubt, the craziest thing I ever heard came from a candidate for an entry-level management position. He looked perfect on paper, so we scheduled a phone interview for 3 p.m. He answered the phone and when I introduced myself he said, ‘Hold on, I’m at a bar. Let me finish this shot and go outside.’ Amidst the noise of an active game of pool and a rowdy bar crowd, he slipped outside and told me, ‘You know what? I’m a little drunker than I thought. Can we reschedule?’ Needless to say, we did not.” – Heather Lytle, senior partner, H&L Media Partners

8. “While I am not the interviewer for a corporation, having been in many interviews for opportunities, I have actually heard a number of interesting, crazy, less-tactful things said from the interviewer side. The worst was, I drove two hours to do an in-person, one-hour interview and the interviewer was 30-40 minutes late to the interview, even though she walked by me in the lobby six or seven times with a bag of chips talking about her personal life to the receptionist. When she finally came out to get me, she didn’t even act shocked or sorry for the delay, and just said, ‘I was munching on a bag of chips and time flies when you’re eating chips.’ Let’s just say I knew then it wouldn’t be a good fit.” — Chris Perry, founder of Career Rocketeer

9. “We recently asked a job candidate, ‘What do you know about us?’ He leaned back in his chair and replied, ‘Not much. Why don’t you fill me in?’ He wasn’t hired.” – John Kramb, Adams County Winery

10. “We always include a casual lunch or dinner portion during an interview to continue our discussions in a more informal manner. This candidate let their guard down, falling out of their ‘interview mode,’ during the friendly and casual meal-time discussions. They went so far as to share that they installed an illegal second network in their office with co-workers and would spend their afternoons gaming on the clock. They then went on to further share how regularly in the mornings and afternoons they would sleep at their desk during working hours. Bragging that they had never once been caught in either of these acts. Needless to say, this candidate was not hired. Prior to this meal-time, more casual discussion, they were likely to be made an offer. The lesson learned and to be shared is that you are on the interview from before you arrive at a location until you have returned home. I was truly surprised that such a smart individual would make such a stupid mistake by sharing such obviously unacceptable work practices with a potential new employer.” – Zachary Z. Zguris, chief technology officer, Lime Design Inc.

11. “The interview was for a highly visible administrative assistant position. Clearly, I was looking for someone who would exercise tact with top-caliber people who would come into our office. I opened the interview with a fairly standard question:

‘What is it that attracts you to this job the most?’ Without hesitation, she replied, ‘My mother thinks this will be the right job for me.’” – Bill Lampton, president, Championship Communication

12. “We have the standard lists of questions you’d expect to hear, but at any given moment, I’ll interject with, ‘If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?’ The most shocking response was, ‘I’d be a cat so I can lay around all day and not have to do anything.’” – Efrain Ayala, account executive, Walt Denny Inc., The Home Products Agency

13. “The man’s phone kept ringing. Finally, he answered it and he said, ‘Hello. No. I’m fine. OK.’ Of course, it was rude and uncalled for in my opinion, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if everything was OK. He basically said nothing was wrong but that his wife was checking in. He had not flown in for the interview. He was local.” – T. Murray, author of “Stuck on Stupid: A Guide for Today’s Professional Stuck in a Rut”

14. “The most bizarre experience I ever had was regarding a candidate who was offered a position with my client. Because she had disclosed that she had a college degree, she was required to produce proof in the form of transcripts, diploma, etc. She told us that she was unable to produce the required documentation because her identity had been changed and that the information the firm was seeking was in her previous name. Due to safety reasons, she was unable to produce proof (in any name she had or was using).” — Cathleen Faerber, managing director, The Wellesley Group Inc.

15. “I was interviewing an older woman for a position in my company. I thought she had a great personality and was considering hiring her. Then at the end of the interview she asked if I would be able to give her a ride to work and then back home again everyday! Umm, no.” – Janice Celeste, president and CEO, Celeste Studios Film & Video

16. “I had a woman come in and tell me that she ran a business around the corner and that she would be working this job, as well as managing her business during business hours. I wanted to be sure that I understood her correctly — that she would be taking time away from the position with me to ‘check in’ on her store periodically. But when I asked her a few questions to clarify, she became upset with me and ended up storming out of my office.” – Shay Olivarria, speaker and author of “Bigger Than Your Block”

17. “One job candidate arrived late for the interview, in a not-so-gracious mood. ‘The commute is terrible,’ she said. ‘I’m so glad I don’t have to do this every day.’” – Sammie Samuella Becker, CEO, TigressPR

18. “I had a candidate in the final interview stages. He pretty much had the job. He was invited to interview with a couple of people who would become peers as last step in the process. One would-be peer asked my candidate to demonstrate to them his work ethic and drive, to which he replied, ‘You can just strap a saddle on my a** and ride me!’ Apparently, he was hoping to show what a workhorse he is. As you might imagine, he did not get the job.” – Jenny Foss, recruiting agency owner, recruiter and job search consultant

19. “I interviewed a candidate over the phone for a sales position. Less than five minutes into the call, I began to hear water swishing and realized that the candidate was taking a bath during the phone interview.” – Jessica Miller-Merrell, owner, Xceptional HR

20. “I had a candidate come into my office with her child and proceed to breastfeed her baby boy during the interview. There was no acknowledgment or mention from the woman I was interviewing about the baby or him eating.” – Miller-Merrell

21. “While interviewing a young lady who was wearing a revealing top, at the end of the interview, she leaned forward and said in a sultry voice, ‘I’ll do anything to get this job.’ She got people’s attention, but eliminated herself from getting hired.” — Ronald Kaufman consultant and author of “Anatomy of Success”

22. “One [candidate] came in dressed very professionally and really looked like she had made an effort to look the part. Some people assume because we are laid back and bring our pets to work, that we are extremely casual and will show up for an interview dressed in jeans, so this was a nice change. Toward the end of the interview, I complimented her on how professional she looked. She got this huge smile and looked down at her clothes and said, ‘I know. I think I look like Mary Tyler Moore; that’s why I wore this!’ We ended up hiring her and she was such a quirky, fun, enthusiastic employee with a style all her own.” — Cindy Lukacevic, owner/vice president of marketing, Dinovite Inc.

23. “While wrapping up a seemingly decent interview with a young lady for an administrative assistant position, I asked her if she had any questions. She asked one or two default questions about the company then — drum roll — she says, ‘I used my last bit of change to put gas in my car to make it here. Is there any way that you could help me out?’ Needless to say, I was floored and the candidate did not get the job.” – Clorissa Wright, senior publicist, WrightWay Marketing and Consulting

24. “‘I like to date the young ones, is that bad?’ and ‘I love older women, do you really only have women working in your organization?’ Those are the two I will never forget.” — Greg Palomino, CRE8AD8

25. “I was working for a private investigator and interviewing applicants for a decoy position, in which they could possibly be confronted with various situations while investigating everyone from potentially cheating wives to drug dealers. I asked a guy in his early 20s, ‘What would you do if you were working undercover and someone you were investigating starting using drugs?’ He laughed, ‘Oh, it wouldn’t bother me. I mean, I have a medical marijuana card and all. You know, anxiety and stuff.’ ‘Oh, really?’ I noticed his eyes were slightly glassy. ‘Yep.’ He grinned. ‘So, are you high now?’ I asked. A chuckle. ‘Just a little!’ ‘Oh, just a little?’ I replied. ‘When did you last smoke?’ ‘Oh, before I left my place to come here.’ He didn’t get the job.” –Lauren Gard, Infinite Public Relations

26. “Over a nice dinner, the president of a company conducted a final interview with a vice president of sales candidate. At the end of the interview, the job was going to be offered to the candidate. The waiter brought the bill and the candidate, who was employed at the time, took it, pulled out his company credit card and said, ‘Don’t worry about this, I’ll put it on my company’s expense account.’ The president later said he didn’t know which shocked him more, the lack of ethics or the candidate’s stupidity. Obviously the job offer was never extended.” – Brian Marchant-Calsyn, Health Career Agents

27. “An executive search recruiter was explaining the qualities needed for the job: multitasking, hard-working, time management skills, attention to detail, etc. The candidate responded with, ‘I can’t do that. I’m not a robot.’” –Andrea Friedman, public relations coordinator, The LaSalle Network, a Chicago professional staffing and recruiting company

28. “A recruiter was in the midst of an interview, when the candidate asked, ‘Do you mind if I use your kitchen to eat my turkey sandwich?’” — Friedman

29. “An executive search recruiter asked the candidate, who was previously an accounting manager, what their ideal job would be. The candidate responded with, ‘A Playboy photographer.’” – Friedman

30. “I had to interview for a position that required organization, time management and attention to detail. My candidate was young, in his early 20s, and wore all black to the interview. We were a very casual office, so I thought nothing of it. But when I asked him to describe for me an instance when he had managed his time effectively, he cited managing his time in dungeon raids in the online game ‘World of Warcraft.’ When I said I knew the game and had even played it a bit, he took that as his cue to answer all my questions with ‘World of Warcraft’ examples. The word ‘necromancer’ came up far too many times. Needless to say, I was looking for real-world examples and he didn’t get the position.” – Jennifer Escalona

31. “One of the funniest things an applicant said to me was in response to my question, ‘What do you like in an office environment?’ The applicant said, ‘I like 42nd and Broadway.’ Needless to say, that wasn’t what I was asking, and that wasn’t anywhere near our office location.” — Sharon Armstrong, author of “The Essential Performance Review Handbook”

32. “‘I have a hunch that someone in your office is dating an ex-boyfriend/acquaintance of mine and I feel that’s too awkward of a conflict of interest. I will not accept any job based on this kind of pork-chop recommendation.’ Especially amusing because no one in our office at the time was dating any men. We still have no idea where the candidate came up with this theory, or what exactly she means by ‘pork-chop recommendation,’ for that matter.” — Anne Howard, Lynn Hazan & Associates

33. “In an interview, the oddest thing has to be a candidate asking if we had any
food that she could have.” – Howard

34. “When I interview candidates, I always ask the following questions in this order: What are you most proud of? What do you enjoy doing? Why did you leave your previous jobs? Here are the answers I received from one candidate: ‘I am most proud of my wife and children.’ ‘The thing I enjoy most is spending time with my family.’ ‘I decided to quit. I had an affair with a co-worker and when we broke up there was too much tension in the office.’ And he said it without batting an eye.” — Bruce, executive recruiter and career counselor, Hurwitz Strategic Staffing Ltd.

35. “One time during an interview, a candidate removed his flip-flops and literally stuck his foot in my face. Another time, I was interviewing a candidate who asked me out on a date three times in five minutes. I had to remind him that he was on an interview — not speed dating.” – Heather Araneo, branch manager, Snelling Staffing – The Wyckoff Group

36. “Interviewer (president of a mid-sized company): Do you plan on having children?
Answer (me/candidate): Yes, at some point.
Interviewer: Do you intend to continue working then?
A: Yes.
Interviewer: What are you going to do, be like a cow and drop it in the middle of a field?” — Janice Warren, director, OneReport, SRI World Group

37. “One day, I met with a candidate who, on his résumé, had good experience and education. I was going through the normal interview questions with him when I asked him which accounting system he had implemented. His response was immediate: ‘PEACHTREE!’ But then he started shaking his head and saying, “No, no, no’ and then he slapped himself across the face and said ‘NO! QUICKBOOKS!’” – Meghan Norman, corporate recruiter

Global Warming in Florida

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We came to Florida for Thanksgiving to see the family and get away from the cold weather at home, only to find that it snowed in November in Florida….go figure. I thought maybe big Al paid a visit to discuss the issue.

disclaimer, I’ll poke fun at most subjects.

If Linux is Open, Why do users Owe Microsoft?

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Once again, in a show of misunderstanding about the meaning of Open, and a further misunderstanding about the where the future of license model vs. the implications of SaaS and where the industry is heading, the 8000 lb gorilla opens mouth and inserts body parts.

Greedy, Greedy, Greedy… or maybe Control, Control, Control

The Waterproof Cell phone – NOT

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My last moving detail was to bring over the fish tank, without killing any fish. This required having them be in a bucket of water for the trip between old and new house. I carefully placed it next to me to avoid any issues, and anticipating the call asking when I’d get home, I got out my cell phone.

I’m sure you can figure out the rest…one quick stop, and cell phone goes for a swim with the fish. Since there was crummy coverage where I live, I switched from Nextel to Sprint to finish out my contract. But I had the Jack Bauer, season 5/Habib Marwan season 4 special which is now a paperweight. Instead, I have a used basic phone to get me to the end of my contract without the extra charges they kill you with.

This is the second phone to take a swim for me, the other went into the bilge in my boat. It didn’t survive either. My son says they need to invent a phone that’s waterproof and Dadproof.

IBM and Amazon in Patent conflict, Goliath vs. Goliath

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IBM has entered into litigation with Amazon over violation of Patents.  Here are the facts:

1. Some legal cases are complicated — but this one is very simple.  It’s about IBM not being compensated for the use of its R&D. IBM spends about $6 billion on R&D each year, and we’ve had more U.S. patents than any other company in the world for each of the past 13 years.  Last year IBM was granted nearly 3,000 patents for its inventions and innovations.

2. IBM has tried more than a dozen times since 2002 to get Amazon.com to pay for using these patents.  Amazon.com has refused every time.

3.  IBM has been a leader in sharing intellectual property in ways that foster collaborative innovation.   But a key tenet of IBM’s IP policy is “mutual respect for intellectual property rights.”  Other companies license and use these very same patents, and IBM is entitled to protect its inventions.

4. We would have preferred to deal with this without litigation… it’s not what we do.   In fact, many companies have licensed these high-quality patents from IBM, as well as other patents, in “field of use” patent licenses.  Those companies value the quality and innovation of these inventions.   To not enforce our patent rights would be a discredit to those who  have fairly and lawfully taken these licenses.

5. We did what we had to do to protect IBM’s interests. (yes it’s rhetorical, but facts are facts)
My personal view is that in drawn out cases, the only winners are the lawyers who bill.  This will be complicated as IP law is a specialty that few are experts in.  It appears from the early facts that IBM has a good case, as it also has had with SCO.

I’ve been a part of 2 separate IP cross licensing issues that started as patent infringements, once with a software company in Redmond and once with Cisco.  What started out not on the right foot ended up as a positive for both companies so I know that IBM tries very hard to work these out if both parties will cooperate.  This leads me to think that Amazon is not trying very hard, except to not cooperate.

These usually drag out over years and are not fun nor pretty nor are they a PR dream.  I wouldn’t keep any hopes up for a fast resolution.  I do know that having worked with the IP lawyers at IBM, they are some of the most competent and well versed groups you will find, so don’t look for any unturned stones on this one.

I’m sure there will be plenty of updates to follow, but if I had to pick sides, I’d like to be on the IBM version of this one.  I’m sure that Amazon has a big team of lawyers also, but ultimately it has to be settled, in front of a judge, or by working together.  There are too many instances of IBM trying to work these out…Amazon, are you listening?

If it’s Tuesday, I must be in Paris, no Chatham County

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Well, I finally made it. We’re swimming in a sea of boxes of the stuff we’ve collected for decades, despite trying desperately to weed out any unnecessary items for months prior to the move.

It looks like it will take months to fully get moved in. When you’ve moved multiple times and owned multiple houses, you just seem to collect stuff.

I’ll post some before and after pictures just to get a feel for it, but due to DSL (all I can get in the country) downtime, I haven’t been online much. Stay tuned.

Lastly, for the testosterone fix, I’m getting a John Deere Tractor on Thursday, complete with front end loader, 62 inch mower and rotary cutter (bush hog) and tiller.

Moving, update 4, out with the old, into the new, oh and I managed to do some Analyst Relations also

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Out of the old house with 200 boxes and furniture, my old house is now empty. Here’s my buddy Wes who helped schlep close to 15,000 lbs of my junk.
wes.JPG
In with the new, although nothing arrives until tomorrow, there is a mad rush to get it ready, including contractors for kitchen, landscape, carpenters, electrical, plumbing, fence, and others.

Here they are trying to get the kitchen ready.

And best of all, here is the future office of IDR Analyst Relations, that by Monday has to be up and working. But we did narrow the list of technology for the showcase at the SWG A/R meeting. The current issue is how bleeding edge to balance out the middleware capability is at stake. Also, blogging issues and a technology jam are on the table being decided. This is good for interaction with the analyst’s with our software capability. Stay tuned, or weigh in.

But as I said yesterday, I get my dog back tomorrow.

Moving, update 3, new garage floor, we're camping now, and I actually got work done

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If you’ve ever seen the commercial with the guys that admire how good the garage floor looks, it worked on me. Here’s a couple of shots of the floor. Since it’s made of epoxy, it is hard. If you see the specks in the floor, it hides dirt real well.

garage 2.JPGgarage floor 1.JPG

On the moving front, our life is in 169 boxes of any shape and size. This doesn’t count furniture. So for the next 2 days, we’ll be camping, Sleeping on the floor like during the big apex explosion day 2 weeks ago. We have what little we packed and that’s it. Like traveling, we’re eating out every meal. Total life distruption. Just to add to the fun, a tire blew out on my wife’s car causing me to have to buy 4 new tires and 2 new wheels (it was a pothole) to the tune of more money than I needed to spend. Moving allows you to run through your savings like hot water on ice counting contractors, movers, other parasites that attract themselves to this adventure.

Unbelievable as it seems, I’m able to work some as I have a broadband card that’s a gnat’s toenail faster than dialup, but it works. Steve, since you’re at ODC, maybe you can get with Sarita to discuss the tagging and farming…..your call, just let me know in comments.

On the positive side, I get my dog back in 2 days……a big :-) on that one.

I'm moving this week, update 2

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DSC000021.JPG

My house has become a sea of boxes. I’m still working as much as I can, especially on the SWG analyst conference (Steve O’Grady, we need to talk about the tag farming with Sarita soon or during odc), but it’s getting more and more difficult to work around the growing mountains of boxes.
It’s amazing how much you can accumulate, even when we spent months throwing as much away or donating to Goodwill as we could. But we have tons of stuff. One of the things you accumulate is dust in places that you can’t clean, like behind bookcases and places you can’t get to. I’ve cleaned enough to stuff pillows for most of my rooms, and I have allergy filters on my a/c and in rooms in my house.

So one more day of packing, then hauling it to the new house.

If your a guy and you’ve seen the commercial about the garage floor, I did it and will post photo’s…it’s as good as the commercials say.

I'm moving this week, update 1

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Total disruption in my life this week is about to begin. I’ll be finding things I didn’t know I had, recovering lost items I thought were lost forever, and it looks like staying on top of contractors who are trying to finish my house on time for me to move in will be my toughest task.

I bought a new camera also (Sony W70) which I hope to document the pandalerium (a redneck term meaning total chaos for those above the Mason-Dixon line).

So blogging will be mostly personal, although I do hope to do an ABC on the longtail podcast series at some point. I’m tagging this series screw ups because I expect a lot of that to happen.

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